#title bc I listened to the piano version of Sonne while writing this

[evolutionsbedingt]

Sonne

Also posted on Ao3, betaed by @perchingowl

Warning: Major (Canonical) Character Death!

Jin Guangyao hadn’t loved Xue Chengmei in a long time.

The man was as mad as a street dog and twice as vicious.

Once upon a time, they both had been. Once upon a time, they had fit like Wei Wuxian’s tiger seal, bringing destruction upon their enemies.

That was the past.

He had been forced to get rid of Xue Chengmei, had started to see that he didn’t need to bite and claw at everything good in his life. Had started to see that Xue Chengmei had never been something good in his life.

Or so he thought.

Holding Xue Chengmei’s limp body, Jin Guangyao couldn’t help but remember having somebody watching his back, couldn’t help but remember having somebody to bounce even the most gruesome ideas off of. He couldn’t help but remember the warmth of Xue Chengmei’s lips and his embrace and his fierce protectiveness.

There had been a time when it had been them against the world.

This was the time where it was the world against them.

And Jin Guangyao could feel the weiqi pieces turn to sand and slip through his hands. Just like the soul of his closest friend, his most trusted advisor.

Looking down at Xue Chengmei, Jin Guangyao could see no flicker of light in those wide eyes. The blood from the wounds had slowed to a trickle, barely soaking into Jin Guangyao’s ornate golden robes anymore.

He raised a trembling hand and closed the unseeing eyes, holding the hollow cheek and brushing his thumb over the sharp cheekbone. Grief was choking him and Jin Guangyao didn’t know what to do with it. He was supposed to kill Xue Chengmei years ago, had pretended not to be aware of his spiritual energy being all over the killings in and around Yicheng.

Jin Guangyao hadn’t loved Xue Chengmei in a long time. But he had spent far too long cherishing him to be able to completely sever the bond. Now, there was a messy pit where his heart was supposed to be. This wasn’t supposed to happen, not with Xue Chengmei.

Xue Chengmei was the physical representation of the worst years of Jin Guangyao’s life.

And yet.

And yet the despair wouldn’t let up, wouldn’t let Jin Guangyao take a full breath, wouldn’t let him make a sound that wasn’t a sob.

It felt like his soul was being torn to pieces and Jin Guangyao didn’t know why.

Well.

Not quite.

He knew why.

He just didn’t want it to be true.

It wasn’t supposed to be Xue Chengmei. Vicious and clever Chengmei. Brutal and funny A-Yang.

Jin Guangyao was vaguely aware that Su Minshan left the room and when the air around him settled back into stillness, Jin Guangyao opened his mouth and tried to scream. There was only a weak wheeze, his eyes remaining dry even as his entire being begged for him to break down over Xue Chengmei’s body.

The part of Jin Guangyao that would always taint any goodness he managed to bring into the world whispered about the forbidden spells and talismans, about blood and death and life.

A half-life. A cursed life.

Chengmei wouldn’t even be able to taste his beloved sweets.

Something in Jin Guangyao finally broke at the thought of never again seeing Xue Chengmei’s eyes light up over a bag of candy or a plate of cake. The wail that was ripped from his lips sounded inhuman and tore at his throat. Finally, tears were spilling down his cheeks and Jin Guangyao wondered if this was what he had been supposed to feel at Nie Mingjue’s first death.

There was a river flooding and ripping apart everything in its way.

All defences and pretences crumbled until Jin Guangyao was left sobbing as he clutched Xue Chengmei’s lifeless body to his chest.

Emptiness spread through him and Jin Guangyao rested his forehead against Xue Chengmei’s, keeping his eyes shut against the cruel reality, taking shuddering breaths that tasted of the blood spilt all around them.

Something like resolve grew in the hollow of Jin Guangyao’s chest. He would get Wei Wuxian killed a second time and this time he would make certain that there was no one left to tell the tale about the true Yiling Laozu. No one left to corrupt young, impressionable minds. Of course, such a thing wouldn’t be subtle, no matter how good Jin Guangyao was at this game.

He would leave. He would leave this thankless country and its hateful people behind and start anew somewhere else.

Straightening, Jin Guangyao gently rested Xue Chengmei’s body on the tile floor of his private study. He would give him a proper burial and have a memory tablet done as soon as he was somewhere safe.

After a moment’s hesitation, Jin Guangyao leaned down and pressed his lips against Xue Chengmei’s cold ones one last time.

It was a goodbye to a soul which already left, only the part that would stay with the body remaining.

It was a promise to the man who had brought out the worst in Jin Guangyao and thus enabled him to become the powerful man he was today.

They would see each other again, Jin Guangyao was certain of that at least. He didn’t know who decided that their souls should be entangled, but Jin Guangyao knew enough to finally understand what he hadn’t been able to see while Xue Chengmei was still alive.

“Let’s rule the world in our next life, zhiji,” Jin Guangyao whispered with a tremulous smile. Then he got to his feet and set about cleaning up.

There was work to do and no one else to do it.

#xueyao #the untamed fic #xue yang #jin guangyao #my adventures in writing #*mine #title bc I listened to the piano version of Sonne while writing this #major character death #mcd #tw: death