#tinderellalookingforafella

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Reality Tinderella

Tinder….

I took a break from Tinder because swiping right with no Mr Right was getting a bit frustrating with the all too familiar; -          Hey how are you? -          Good how are you? -          Good. Good then. #unmatch

This was becoming the bane of my existence and after a few unsuccessful dates, couple of never follow through with the meeting, I decided uninstalling Tinder was the best option. Then comes the grand adventure of meeting people in the real world (What!? Say it ain't so) Isn't it funny that no one wanted to admit they met on Tinder, yet now, it’s the complete opposite with, we met at a bar, a thing of the past.

But look, I’m not here to slam Tinder, I actually really like it/dislike it. I really like it because it gives the chance to meet people you might not usually meet due to different circumstances that could stop a potential relationship from not existing. My sister met her soon to be husband on Tinder and I have a feeling that they wouldn't have met otherwise, so I'm very glad they swiped right, and I know plenty more relationships starting then unmatches.

The reason I dislike Tinder is because there is a lot of unintentional pressure that we don’t realise, I mean we look back at our parents dating, I’ll use mine as an example, mainly because they are legends and they have an interesting twist to their love story – so they were dating for a while, decided to break up and my mum packed her bags and went overseas #independentwoman. Mum comes back and randomly, in the Sydney streets, my mum and dad bumped into each other and their romance started all over again. Now, my dad still remembers what she was wearing and how he felt, lets fast forward to today, if that same situation had happened, my parents would have stalked each other on every social media site and have gotten shitty at what they were seeing, making assumptions of one another, that when they do eventually bump into each other again they might not have even spoken based on what they saw – then I wouldn’t have been born, the horror! And not to mention they may both have gone on Tinder and met someone else.

Think about it, back when our parents were dating, they put in full effort not knowing when they would meet another as awesome as the one in front of them, now a days we are competing with the internet, because I can assure you that if I haven’t responded to your message within the minute, you have already hit up another 5 girls on Tinder. I think it has also kind of enforced that maybe the grass is greener on the other side, and more people are willing to explore that than focus on what a good person they have in front of them. So we could be perfect for each other, but you question it because what if, just maybe the next girl you swipe right to is better? And how do you make your profile desirable to swipe right, is it a funny quote? What pictures do you have? Ones that show you are adventurous and active when in reality that was a once off occurrence that you happened to capture on camera and doesn’t really reflect who you are or what you actually like? What about having your height, you know so the girls don’t wear heels on the date, oh, I know, what about just emoji’s? *eggplant winky face and chuck in a snowboarder* you have maybe 5 seconds before you get the left or right, so judging a book by its cover has never been so real.

But for me, I think previously I was trying to be what Tinder wanted, which, if you haven't already guessed was not very successful. I'll admit I have a big personality, perfect for Tinder right? Negative. Trying to get your personality through an app without the person initially meeting you is rather difficult, not to mention, I felt I couldn’t initially be myself for fear it would scare them off. And there seems to be so many unspoken rules that you learn along the way from others or just from being on it, rules like; 

- The guy messages first (boringgggggg) - You should give your number within X amount of days chatting otherwise they aren't interested - Wait a couple of hours after matching before messaging them - Don’t ever double message (I fail at this bigtime) - And the all-time classic – if it took them 20minutes to reply, you wait 30minutes

Then comes me deciding to install it again, you know, maybe it’s changed, maybe I have changed, maybe, just maybe, the guys have changed. And this time I thought I would treat it differently. For those who don’t know me, I love puns, I love terrible jokes and I love seeing the reaction of people when I come up with a cracker of a joke/pun, so the game plan this time was letting the matches see this side of me straight away. Well, I got unmatched a few times, but that’s ok, because I just don’t need that negativity in my life. And anyway it’s a good way to filter through those who you matched with but aren’t your match. By putting my personality first and putting aside the typical robotic response, I was getting positive results. My profile didn’t have my height, cheeky emojis to describe my life or a funny quote and I didn’t have any #selfies, what it did have was a conversation starter;

You

Me

Jungle mini Golf

Loser buys first round

This had all different types of messages coming through and not one was the boring one liner, or the classic hey *smiley face*, there was playful banter pretty much straight away which really gave a better impression of the person I was talking to. Even matched with a guy that lives in Brisbane who looked up flights for me to go to play mini golf (don’t worry mum I didn’t accept flights from a stranger). Anyway, here are a few examples of the messages I got;

I’ll have a Carlton Dry thanks So how many times have you played jungle mini golf this week? Is this a hustle and are you some golfing champ? When’s tee off?

I honestly don’t believe that you can truly get to know someone through text, I feel people are different on the screen then they are in person, my text don’t read the same unless you have met me, so how do we change this? Meeting up of course. But who initiates it, how long should you wait, is it deemed too keen and clingy if the girl suggests it first within the first few messages, or is that message read differently *winky face winky face*. And what is the perfect first meet and greet? Netflix and chill implies something other than meeting, a meal can be too long, coffee or a drink is pretty much the standard but where is the fun? Most of the time we have chatted and gotten to know each other to the point that I would rather go out and do something than sit awkwardly behind my latte constantly running through my head what to do/say/act. So what my profile also gave was that first date set and lined. Some people will think I’m crazy for suggesting an activity first off but an activity is different from a meal or coffee, a meal you are stuck until you both finish eating and if there is an awkward silence then well you are done, put the date in the oven and roast at 180degrees because it is toasted and roasted! But an activity, it brings that playful banter, plus a competitive side can be an unattractive quality in a person so might as well get that out of the way on the first date. Bonus - you can have a fun bet going along with it, it can set you up to do something after or even as a second date, and come on who doesn’t love winning mini golf and getting a free beer to celebrate!?

So how has this all turned out? I bet you want a happy ending. Well, I went on one of the best dates. I have heard my friends describe them, no nerves, you get along straight away, no awkward silence, the match was a real match and it was after that I realised that by completely being myself on Tinder meant I attracted someone like me.

Now I’m by no means an expert on Tinder, to be honest I’d say I’m quite hopeless at times, but nevertheless here are some tips I found useful on the swiping journey:

1. Take your height out – it’s not an important fact 2. Yes I like dogs, but I’m on here to get to know you not your dog – your dog is a bonus 3. Don’t write you have excellent banter, because I can assure you, you don’t 4. Have a conversation starter in your bio – they can ask the rest 5. Don’t have so many group photos 6. Ladies! Send that first message – get creative, he will remember you for being funny and different from the generic messages 7. Don’t be afraid that you will scare someone off by a friendly/silly/lame joke, if they can’t handle you at your worst joke, they sure as hell don’t deserve your best jokes 8. Go on that date sooner rather than later – make it a fun one! 9. Be yourself – that is the best thing about your profile, yes I know it’s hard getting your personality across the app, but again, by being yourself, you will attract someone like you 10. Don’t be a dick – I don’t need to explain this further

Happy Swiping!

#swiperight #tinder #tinderellalookingforafella