#those of you with the above disorders: feel free to correct me if i stuffed up a detail

[a-froger-epic]

tw: mention of eating disorders

hey i read something about freddie having an eating disrorder, and I hate asking this but could you please explain if you know anything about it. my poor baby :(

Hey anon!

I’m sorry it took me a while to reply. This is a sensitive topic for many, so I wanted to take my time and give you the nuanced reply it deserves.

I’ve talked about this a little before, but I might as well take the opportunity now to speak about it at length. This is only my personal opinion based on everything I’ve read about Freddie and many different takes I’ve seen others put forward.

So, did Freddie have an eating disorder?

The shortest answer to that, as far as I’m concerned, is... maybe?

Before I carry on, I’d like to say that I think everyone is free to speculate about this and make up their own mind, as well as creatively explore this in their writing, and I don’t consider my opinion to be any more correct than anyone else’s.

Why do people think Freddie might have had an ED?

There are a few things about Freddie and food which could be interpreted as ED behaviours. First off, here is what Phoebe has to say about Freddie and his eating habits:

His taste in food changed over the years I was with Freddie. When I started the group of us would make monthly visits to the restaurant Shezan, an Indian eatery, in Knightsbridge. Freddie never had a menu as they always provided his favourite selection of foods without asking. As his illness progressed, his taste buds could not take the assault of spicy foods and he tended to more bland foods. He also turned his eating habits around. He used to have a lighter meal at lunch and then have a big meal in the evening, usually at a restaurant with a big group of friends. Towards the end he would eat more at lunch and a smaller meal in the evenings.

Nothing much out of the ordinary here, as far as I can see. Freddie definitely had favourite foods he enjoyed, but then, a common misconception is that people with EDs don’t like/enjoy food, and that isn’t true. Phoebe also says this:

As I have said before, Freddie was a very light eater. Some of us live to eat, but Freddie was one of those people who ate to live. He was the master of moving food around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten a good amount. He did enjoy good food, but really didn’t need to consume very much. He loved entertaining guests at meals in the dining room at Garden Lodge and was able to disguise his non-eating by making sure everyone else was ok during the meal. Don’t get me wrong, Freddie always ate enough to keep him going, but I can’t remember one time when he leant back in the chair saying ‘I’m stuffed!’

Now here we have a lot of things to unpack. There are three things in here - moving food around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten more, disguising his non-eating and never eating enough to be full - which are definitely known ED behaviours.

However, people who just do not care about food all that much and are light eaters do also exist. In fact, I’m one of them myself. I did struggle with Disordered Eating in my teens and my early 20s, but I have a healthy relationship with food now and I never like to eat until I’m stuffed because it’s not a nice feeling, physically, to overeat. I’m also someone who easily and genuinely forgets to eat when I’m in a creative haze. Just as an example.

Also, seeing as Freddie most likely was made to finish meals all throughout his boarding school times, like many children in lunch halls, which is usually not a great experience for children who are picky or light eaters, the “moving food around the plate to make it seem he’s eaten” could well be an old habit stemming from there.

Either way, Phoebe doesn’t seem too concerned about Freddie’s eating, and even though people with EDs are very good at hiding them, Phoebe did know him for a long time and very, very well. Phoebe could also be withholding information that he considers too private. All of that is possible, all of that is speculation.

There are other things which point to the fact that Freddie was definitely preoccupied with his weight/appearance. In this interview in 1974, he says:

“Oh really,” he exclaims in disgust, “this paper has no flair - I mean to print this picture three times in succession … and just look at my arms!” He was horrified, “look at how fat they appear, now my arms aren’t like that at all - what do you think?” He rolls up his sleeves for me to inspect and I’d like to state here and now that the poor dear’s arms are quite, quite slender!

The photo Freddie is most likely talking about, is this one:

It’s not a very fortunate angle, admittedly. So I think it’s possible to see where he was coming from, but even so, he was worried about his arms looking fat at a time when he looked like this:

Yes, it is important to keep in mind that people were generally thinner in the 70s than we are used to now. (Brian, for example, was also incredibly thin.) But in this picture it really is evident that Freddie was very, very thin at this point.

Other things which are often brought into the discussion around Freddie’s eating habits is the account of him throwing a fit when Brian ate one of his biscuits once, choosing to walk after a meal at a restaurant while his driver drove alongside him and his friends, eating cereal on the floor in his dressing room, this picture where he clearly prefers salad to chicken wings (unlike Roger “What Even Are Vegetables” Taylor):

All of the above, to me, are things which can be heavily read into but ultimately don’t prove very much.

And there is this bit from Mercury & Me:

The Sun did later print a photograph of Freddie taken while he was performing at the festival, which he didn't appreciate. It showed off "Flabulous Freddie" with a slight paunch, wickedly describing it as his "midriff bulge". When he saw the picture he looked at me and shook his head in despair. 'It's typical,' he said. 'If I'm slim the papers say I'm too thin and if I put on a little bit of a belly they say I'm too fat. It's a no-win situation.'

Now, that doesn’t give off the impression to me that Freddie was particularly distraught about that article, at that point in his life. But it certainly appears to have bothered him to some degree.

So what’s the conclusion?

To me, personally, it seems quite likely that Freddie did suffer from Disordered Eating in the early to mid 70s. That’s really not uncommon, sadly, although it usually afflicts young women more than young men. But he was in the spotlight and had to care about his appearance. He was clearly very preoccupied with it, not only when it came to his body, but his looks in general - there is plenty of evidence regarding that. He was very selective about which photographs of himself he did and didn’t like. However, I find it impossible to say just how much this preoccupation affected him exactly. 1974 especially was also a very taxing year for Queen. Their management was shit, they struggled with money, they almost lost Brian, their touring schedules were brutal, the press was bashing them, Freddie was struggling with his sexual identity. There were a lot of immense stress factors, and he could have very well been someone who responded to stress by not eating - just like others respond to stress by eating too much. And Disordered Eating is not classed as an eating disorder. It is, if you will, the beginning of one.

Or, he absolutely could have developed or already had an actual ED which he was hiding fairly well, and it could have affected him a lot, but nobody would have ever known because he would have been unlikely to ever speak to anybody about it.

Both is possible. I simply don’t think that there is enough information to do more than speculate on the matter, beyond: He had a preoccupation with his looks and minded what and how much he ate throughout his life.

However, in the second half of the 70s as well as the 80s, he was still thin but had started working out and looked more “athletic” thin rather than gaunt. I think it’s entirely possible that whatever issues Freddie had with food were not a constant thing but something that may have been worse and better at times, depending on his overall mental well-being and his levels of confidence.

Or, it could have been something that he always struggled with.

Again, as far as I am concerned, both is possible and I don’t feel I can say for certain. And so, my take leans towards Disordered Eating when younger and less preoccupation with it later on. That’s the impression I get.

But I wrote all this out so that others can make up their own minds, and rather than share my exact opinion, I encourage you to do just that.

#Freddie Mercury #Tw eating disorders #meta #ask response

[aweebwrites]

Garmadad (Side-Effect AU)

“Kai, where are you going?” Sensei Garmadon asked from where he was meditating in the training room, eyes closed still.

“I thought I'd drop by Jay's folks and mess around.” Kai says, heading towards the exit still.

“Alright. Don't forget your Desert Crawler is still under maintenance. You might have to borrow one of the others’ vehicles.” He reminded.

“No. The junkyard isn't that far out. I'll walk.” Kai decided after a moment of thought.

“Alright then. Safe travels. Have Mrs. Walker give us a call if you don't feel up to walking back.” Sensei Garmadon says, opening his eyes to look at him.

“Ok. Later.” Kai says with a wave over his shoulder as he left.

Sensei Garmadon breathed out slowly as he relaxed again. It was rare for things to be quiet around here. Jay and Lloyd crashed earlier after a particularly intense conversation about who knows what and were soundly asleep. He carried them both to theor rooms but noticed Jay was lighter than usual so he notified his brother. They had to keep tabs on things like that with the ninja. It's usually something innocent like forgetting a few meals while you mind was running 100 miles ahead if you but it could turn into something much worse such as an eating disorder if left unchecked.

Not only was he their second Sensei, but he was also a councillor. Certified and everything. He had to be. An outsider would be at serious risks. Talks with the ninja don't always run smoothly after all. In fact, more than half the time some kind of incident happens. But he didn't mind. The burden of holding an element is something he wouldn't wish on anyone and if he can help these kids by doing something like being their councillor, then best believe he will be the very best he could be. Besides, they're just as much his children as Lloyd is.

“Hey Sensei G, got a moment?” Cole asked as he came down the stairs.

“Always. How can I help?” He asked, watching him approach.

“Well… I've been… I wanted to… But…” Cole got out forcefully, the words looking painful to even think.

Garmadon nodded.

“So you think you've been more snappish at the others than normal and you'd like to have something done to make it up to them, correct?” He questioned, fluid in speaking Cole by now.

“No! What do I care about those jerks!” Cole huffed, looking away frustration in his eyes.

“Let me put it this way then. You and the others don't get along right?” He questioned and Cole nodded. “And while you don't get along with them or particularly care, you certainly don't want anything bad to happen to them, right?”

“'Course not.” Cole says with a frown.

“Then in that case, how about I help you do or make something for them that shows that?” Garmadon suggested and Cole lit up.

“Yeah! I was thinking of something outdoorsy since we spend wayyy too much time inside but like something active for Lloyd and Jay but not too active since…” Garmadon only smiled as Cole went off on ideas, able to speak freely- if just for a few moments.

He was able to find loopholes like this sometimes. It always brings warmth to his heart to see them free of burden if just for a few moments.

__________________

“Nya, we talked about using your water in certain places. Have you forgotten?” Garmadon asked, watching her float several orbs of water over her head from where she lay on the ground in the living space.

“I thought here was ok?” Nya says, looking across at him, the orbs faltering.

“Ah-ah! Keep your focus. Don't spill a single drop.” Garmadon says sternly, hands on his hips, watching her catch them. “Now put them away.” He instructed and she floated them into one of the close by potted kentia palm plant they keep around for situations like this.

“Good girl.” He nodded at her then knelt and ruffled her hair. “I have to be stern Nya. I'm only looking out for you. You were playing around with your water next to that electrical plug, a very dangerous combination. I bet you didn't notice that, did you?” He says, gesturing to it next to her head.

“Oh. When did that get there?” She says, looking at it and Garmadon chuckled.

“Try to be more vigilant next time.” He advised them moved to stand. “... Nya, would you be a darling and help me stand up?”

_________________

“Oh. Lloyd. Up already?” Garmadon questioned, seeing him step out of his room as he headed to his.

“Yeah. You know me. Gotta keep going.” He says with failed humour, looking exhausted still.

Garmadon frowned, already making it his mission for the day to make sure he gets round two of sleep. He knew however, it wouldn't be right now. Once he's awake, it'll take at least an hour for him to have a slight possibility of falling back to sleep. He already has a plan in mind...

“Alright. Try not to push yourself too hard.” He says, pulling him into a hug and Lloyd smiled into his father's shoulder, hugging back.

Dad hugs were the only things he would stand still for.

“I won't.” He murmured then smirked. “Still not used to two armed hugs.” He added and grinned once his father chuckled deep.

“Well, sometimes I forget I only have two now.” Garmadon admits, amused as he pulled back to look at his son.

“Is that why that ugly mug mom gave you broke the same day you got it?” He asked with a knowing smirk.

“That was an unfortunate accident. Completely coincidental.” Garmadon denied, a smile tugging the corners of his lips and Lloyd laughed.

“Whatever you say dad, whatever you say.”

______________

“Zane?” Garmadon queried, stepping into his room then wanting to step back out with how hot it was. “Did you take the heater from the supply room again? You are prone to overheating you know, even if you can't feel it over the cold.” He says gently, walking over and turning it down to slightly above room temperature.

“It was-s-s-s f-f-f-f-fine.” Zane says from under three comforters.

“It certainly is not if it's messing with your audio output like that.” Garmadon worried, turning the heater off completely now. “You need to cool down before you'll be in need of another repair that could have been prevented. Come sit outside for a while.” He says, only seeing glowing blue eyes from under the heavy blankets.

“Fine.” Zane sighed, knowing better than to argue with him.

When he got into mom mode, there's no escape.

“Only one blanket.” Garmadon says, noticing him attempting to bring all three.

“But-”

“I know you feel cold Zane but the reality of the situation is that the feeling is purely mental. Your body is overheating and it doesn't do do easily. That's saying a lot. Excess heat like that could really hurt you Zane and when one of us ends up hurt, all of us are.” Garmadon says, placing a hand on his shoulder. “We're all searching for a way to at least make you feel less cold and we won't stop until we find s way. So until then, we just want you to take care of yourself, ok?” He asked gently and Zane nods once, feeling guilty now.

“Good. And while you cool down, why don't we talk for a little.” Garmadon says, leading him outside with only one blanket around his person.

_______________

“I smell pizza!” Jay yelled, popping up shortly after Zane returned to his room. “Or at least I hope it is and that it's a pile on pizza with every toppings on it with extra cheese of course and not to mention-”

“Stuffed crust?” Garmadon says, opening the box with his atrocious taste in pizza inside.

Jay beamed and rushed over, taking a slice.

“Yum!” Jay hummed after taking a bite.

“Eat up while you can because I'm cooking tonight and you're going to eat your vegetables- and the ones on the pizza don't count.” Garmadon warned and Jay whined. “No whining or buts. This isn't up for debate. You've lost weight and I intend to our it back on you.” He says and Jay thought back.

“Oh yeah! I was working on a project or two I couldn't really pick which idea I wanted to do doesn't so I did them all at once but it didn't work out since the time it takes to work on them unlike the few minutes it takes to take care of Zane since the longer the project,the harder it is to keep focused but-”

“That's all very interesting Jay but I'd like to see you eating as well as talking.” Garmadon says with a dond smile and the freckled brunette nodded, taking another bite out of his pizza.

“Did I tell you about the time…”

________________

“You should reconsider that teashop.” Garmadon says, watching his brother bustle about, adding ingredients to three separate teapots.

“I haven't completely turned down the idea.” Wu says over his shoulder then poured hot water into all three and left the tea to seep. “Right now, I have more important matters to attend to.”

“If anyone can find a cure, I know it'll be Mistaké.” Garmadon says, closing his eyes as he turned away, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“So much faith you have in me brother. It's humbling.” Wu says drily and Garmadon laughs.

“Well, to be fair, she's been at this for longer than you have.” He says to his brother, looking over thr large collection of tea ingredients he had stocked up in his tea room.

“That may be so but her tea skills are chaotic at best. I'd like to think my skills are more refined than hers.” Wu says, grabbing two cups.

“Don't let her hear you say that.” Garmadon huffed amused as Wu fixed them both some tea.

“I'm no fool brother.” Wu chuckled, handing him a cup.

They both drank in comfortable silence for a while.

“I have missed you dearly brother.” He spoke softly and Garmadon smiled at his younger brother.

“And I, you. But the past is the past.”

“And the future is the future.”

_________________

Garmadon hadn't realised that he hadn't popped a single bubble all day until it was too late. He had noticed a controller left on the ground, most likely left by Jay since it was his shade of blue, and had picked it up- only for his powers to flare up and turn the controller into black ash. He gasped, staring down at the remains of the controller in his hand.

“You ok Sensei G?” Garmadon looked across at Kai as he came up the stairs, back from his trip.

“... Yes. Although I'll need to get Jay a new controller.” He sighed, walking over to the closest bin.

“What about me?” Jay asked, walking in then with Zane behind him.

“It appears Sensei Garmadon destroyed your controller on accident.” Zane says, noticing the ash in his hand he dumped.

“Yes. I somehow forgot to take to my bubble wrap.” Garmadon says, dusting his hand off.

“I realised too late.” Lloyd says, walking downstairs with a roll, Cole with him.

“You gotta take care of you too Sensei G.” Nya says, coming upstairs with Sensei Wu.

“Yeah. Don't forget about yourself. You're always so busy looking out for us…” Kai says with a small smile.

“It's our turn to look after you.” Cole says with a grin and Garmadon looked at them all before smiling.

“Well, if you insist…”

____________________

Later on, Garmadon found himself seated with tea and a side of creamy biscuits before him on the coffee table, bubble wrap in hand, his son on his right, his brother on his left and the ninja all seated as close as they could get, talking amongst each other and eating dinner Zane cooked. He hasn't felt so content in a long time. Or ever if he was being honest with himself. He considered himself a lucky man to have such a loving family.

_______________

(*slams fists on table* I live for Garmadad ok. I literally cannot express enough joy and thanks to my brain for spitting this out. I know it's my own fic but this gets all of my UwUs ok. No in depth author's note here. Enjoy the familial bonds and Garmadad!)

#ninjago #ninjago nya #ninjago jay #ninjago zane #ninjago cole #ninjago kai #ninjago lloyd #ninjago garmadon #ninjago sensei wu #kai #cole #jay #zane #nya #lloyd #garmadon #sensei wu #sensei garmadon #side effect au #aweebwrites' work

[cookemichael]

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