#this would be as terrible if i still had an absense i could still use

[clumsycowplant]

The Straud Clan: Fledgling Dilemma (Part 3)

Vlad could hear it. His wife sobbing downstairs.

"Curses Vlad!" He thought, "You hateful old fool!"

"The one good thing in your unlife, and you sully it up! And what are you doing to fix it? Nothing, except wallowing in self-pity!"

"Get down there and fix it!" He hisses to himself,

He leaves their shared bedroom and walks downstairs. He stays out of sight as he gazes into the dining room.

There is his wife, crying next to the high chairs where she wished so badly a baby could be sitting. He could hear it upstairs, but witnessing it was just as awful. he could believe he had driven his sweet songbird to such a state.

"I know you're out there, beloved. I can hear you."

Vlad cautiously enters. He almost couldn't believe she still wished to call him that.

(please ignore the absense of the high chairs, I had forgotten to add them when I took this)

"Dahlia, I-"

"If you have something to say, then be civil and sit."

"I- Yes, of course, my love."

He takes a seat. It takes awhile for him to find words, but he eventually speaks.

"Dahlia, my sweet. I am so sincerely sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I keep pushing, and pushing, despite how I know your thoughts on the-"

"No! It's me. All me. I'm too stubborn, and hateful, and scared-"

"Scared? Love, of what? I believe you would make a fantastic father!"

"As much as I appreciate that, darling, I'm just not sure."

"My father.... He was... a TERRIBLE horrid man. Despite his appearances he kept up, he treated mother and I as if we were no better than scum. He never hit us. But he didn't need to. His words and rules stung just as bad. His father was the same. And HIS father before him, and so on and so forth. It's why I never wanted to be married. It's why I never wanted children. I didn't want to continue that cycle."

"Oh darling...." Dahlia had no idea her father-in-law was so cruel. He seemed like such a kind man whenever he came to visit them in Roaring Heights during her childhood. He always had gifts for her, her siblings, and her mother.

"But..." Vlad continues,

"I believe as long as I have you, Dahlia, that won't happen. You've made me a changed man, a better man. You made me grow to love being married. Who's to say I can't grow to love being a father?"

"Love, are you saying....?"

"Yes, songbird, I am. I think I'm ready. Let's have a baby."

"Vlad.... Do you REALLY want this?"

"Yes, beloved. I do."

"Oh, Vlad!" Happy tears gather in Dahlia's eyes, "Come here!" She gets out of her seat and rushes over to him. He barely manages to get up in time to catch her as she falls into his arms.

"Oh, Vlad! Thank you so much! Oh, I love you!"

"I love you too, darling. More than there are stars in the sky."

"I'm so sorry once again, Dahlia. Sometimes I think you deserve better than a hateful wretch like me."

"Hush, you old fool." She whispers,

"You ought to know by now that you're MY hateful wretch. And you're all I'll ever want. If not, I would've been gone centuries ago."

#simblr #sims #sims 4 story #the sims screenshots #the sims legacy #the sims gameplay #the sims challenge #sims 4 #sims 4 edit #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 simblr #sims 4 screenshots #the sims #the sims 4 #the sims story #ts4 legacy #ts4 story #ts4 simblr #my sims #clumsycowplant #the straud clan #the straud clan legacy

[duelistkingdom]

I headcannon that Yugi has daddy issues because of his absent father and one of the behaviors exhibited by people with daddy issues is that they are very anxious and emotionally orphaned. I would like to see how Yugi’s absense of his father shapes his personality since it’s rarely talked about in the manga. What are your thoughts on this? (I have an strained relationship with my mother so I’m not sure if this is how daddy issues operate?)

so it took me a while to get to this because... i actually grew up with a father in a similar situation to yugi’s (as in: word of god states his mother and his father are still married and the reason his father isn’t around is because he’s working). these are things that aren’t addressed in the source material and i feel it’s fine to come up with different explanations as to why yugi’s father isn’t around but... this is a fairly common thing to happen to kids of color? most of my friend’s fathers growing up weren’t around either due to putting in long hours at work to keep a roof over our heads.

we all had different reactions to this. my dad tried his best to separate work from home so when he’d come home, he’d turn on the tv and play video games with my brother and i. this made him being home feel more like a treat and made us a little more attached to our dad. one of my friends, however, had a terrible father all around. he worked all the times and the times he were home, she wished he was at work instead.

this is also common in japanese culture! pokemon games are probably one of the most noteworthy examples as they’re games made with a japanese audience in mind. the mother is home but the father is nowhere to be found. the idea here is that the father is working and that’s why the player character and his mother live alone. fathers being absent for work is probably one of the most common experiences for working class families and families of color. it doesn’t have to be a sad thing, in my opinion.

i think it comes down to how yugi’s father acts when he is home to really figure out how yugi would feel regarding his father and we have no canon read nor any word of god on how yugi’s father acted when he was home. this is where you can say he has father issues based on few textual clues you’re given and you can attribute that he’s anxious because of that but... i don’t think that yugi is really anywhere near as anxious as yami yugi/atem is nor is he as emotionally damaged as jonouchi nor kaiba. in fact, yugi’s fairly emotionally healthy, all things considered.

for me, i feel yugi’s relationship with his father is mostly good despite him being gone a lot. i feel he calls his father when his father is on business trips and his father tries his best to make the best of a bad situation. i personally feel like it’d be nice for at least one character in yugioh to have a decent set of parents that are trying their best to help their son out.

though considering the theme of ygo can boil down to “fathers suck, actually”, i can definitely see the reading of “yugi’s father doesn’t try at all to reach out to his son and yugi’s often glad his father is away” being one you’d come away with.

tldr: could go either way and it’s really more of what you vibe with.

#headcanon #headcanon: yugi mutou #this is a Lot of words #Anonymous

[literalbuzzkill]

Below I'm gonna vent so y'all can ignore that XD

I'm basically making this post as a timestamp/reminder for myself about Covid2020 and what I had to deal with during it (even though it's still a relentlessly ongoing problem, as of Jan2021, yikes)

Below is my personal experience in switching from working everyday as an essential retail worker to now a stay at home unemployed/leave of absense person. Don't feel bad about not reading it, it's long, boring, and I can't really expect anyone to actually be interested because the struggle is real and who wants to be reminded of the grim reality we can't currently escape? XD

[The Start:]

I was still working retail up until a few months ago because most people left. And being short staffed already before covid at my store, things became an even worse unmanageable nightmare because they started to work the remaining staff to death because no one really knew what to do which sucked and everyone was rightfully afraid of what was happening all around them, plus everyone internally was hoping that this would all blow over in a decent amount of time and we could all return to normal and never speak of it again. Considering Covid started around late January/early February in 2019 and today's date (for my future reference) is Jan 4th 2021, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it certainly has not blown over in a decent amount of time like originally hoped for. Oof.

I was a closer but because of covid my job turned into 'every position at the store and everything/anything that you can possibly get done'. All the stuff from morning team, mid shift, and nightshift rolled into one. Cashiering, phone calls, cleaning, ship from store, backroom, covering multiple breaks, and every department on hardlines salesfloor,

(I did everything except for guest services, food service, clothing, and hr)

you name it XD because most people abandoned ship and Yeeted (which I dont blame them for, t'was a big mood) our store did not hire replacements until literally a few months ago. After I left. Nice.

We were not getting paid any extra, having to stay late, running around with an unending unfinishable list, having to deal with rude customers and cranky bosses, full 8+hour shifts having to wear a mask (even in the break room, and sometimes missing breaks all together because of the large work load) Another problem, my job did not supply masks, proper cleaning supplies, gloves etc to us until an unacceptable amount of time had passed since the start of the virus. Now I didn't expect them to be stocked and fully prepared immediately, obviously.

It was also pretty frustrating getting reprimanded by customers when supplies were low everywhere and some things necessary for existing safely could not be bought anywhere due to high demand, which was only natural, but some people actually acted like it was our personal fault for the store for being sold out of things like hand sanitizer, masks, gloves, toilet paper, and even accused us for holding it in the back for ourselves (which wasnt the case, customers are top priority at our store so the workers usually got nothing to take home or buy, even if we had pulled it from the truck or stocked it ourselves.)

Aside from the excessive draining from normal retail where we already suffer from Karen's and the often unpleasant general public, the Rona made the daily grind even more intense, as if we already thought it couldn't get any worse.

Straying away from that for a second, personal lives were now also affected greatly. Added on top of this new fear/caution/lifestyle was not being able to see my fiance or his family for months because they are all at very high risk. (Unfortunately I am too, but I really needed the paycheck so I thought I had to keep working until the inevitable, which was not looked forward to, but as long as I was potentially exposed with my job we all had to be apart unless I decided to quit and risk not having enough money to pay my bills or survive.)

(Side note for context: My fiance and I have been very lucky enough to see eachother almost every day for 4 years. Surprisingly we have not gotten sick of eachother yet and kept up with that regularity. And though we are engaged, we dont live together, but we do only live 15 minutes away so we just drive over to eachother everyday. Anyway, point being that going months without seeing him at all killed me internally hardcore. This was before zoom was popular and we were not about to resort to Skype. His parents are older and closer to me than my own family and were not comfortable with any form of in-person visits so we usually just did phone calls.)

And eventually I gave up,

I made it halfway through this pandemic working everyday, not seeing the only people I considered family, and I couldn't do it anymore. It literally didn't feel human.

Not to mention this did not help whatsoever with my pre-existing problems, bad depression, anxiety, ptsd, Self h, etc... it was all just getting way too out of hand with more stress piling up daily and taking too big a toll on me to the point where I couldn't deal with my regular lifestyle anymore. I needed a break and a change to severely turn myself around.

So a few months ago I finally went on leave of absence and it was the hardest thing for me to do but honestly the best thing I did. Because everything was so uncertain and I worried about how helpful unemployment would be towards my bills, if I'd lose my job for being gone too long due to an open ended leave of absense for the sake of my health/safety, and honestly I loved my job and my coworkers, but many of them had already left so at that point it became easier for me to leave.

I'm currently making more on unemployment than my job was paying my bi-weekly and doing leagues better mentally, emotionally, and physically, than before when I thought I could last the whole time working through covid hoping I wouldn't catch it and probably die because my health is not 100% gucci in the first place. I was too stubborn to quit until I got to a breaking point and then realised that putting my health/life on the line when I'm at risk during a pandemic for literally no reason other than feeling bad for my one really kind boss (who ended up leaving for a better job anyway right after I left)

in my brain the whole time I figured "eh if I die then I die" but there was a major upside to saying "you know what, fuck this" and leaving.

I've gotten to take up hobbies and do things that I've wanted to do for like 10 years, I improved my financial situation, bought my dream car(A 2004Crossfire), got engaged to the love of my life, had more time to read, write, learn, create, help my fiance record his first official music video, support smaller businesses, get back in better physical health, regain stability, and a new respect for life, health, friends, family, acts of kindness, and how easy things used to be before covid and how it was unintentionally taken for granted.

Not gonna lie, at first I was pretty mad that people on unemployment made more than essential workers, but I also knew that it wasn't their fault for their personal situations or reasonings for needing it. The problem was mainly that many Companies/jobs could have done more, treated essential workers better, given more help, compensated financially, offered forms of protectionagaint the virus, or done literally anything extra at all to help employees who were struggling or who stay to continue working there during a terrible pandemic, and some companies/jobs have done good things for their workers in response of the outbreak which is awesome.

Workers should absolutely be compensated for their extra efforts, time, and pleasant attitude in this difficult time, and treated better than they are. Some things should 1000% be different but some things in this world are still a work in progress.

And also, for people with health issues that are at risk but working anyway for whatever reason, there shouldn't be any shame felt for taking care of yourself or by the people who have to go on unemployment, those who can't work, lost their jobs, need help or a break, or just can't do it anymore, because it hits hard when you realise that even though your effort is important and you're doing your best, playing an important role in society, you could also be risking your health/life or even possibly someone you live withs, for a company that will replace you pretty easily if you're suddenly gone.

I worked at my store for 4 years, was extremely hard working and did everything and anything I could to stay as long as I could during this, but I realised that I'd rather not risk myself and be treated how I was.

Ultimately, the sad reality is that covid has some people forgetting that humans (whether working or not) are humans too that can die or fail at any time given the current circumstances. Some situations are unavoidable like a pandemic, but we can do our best with whatever reality we meet, whether it's being essential the whole way through like some are able, and knowing your health well enough to be able to judge what's best for you individually for now.

but regardless making sure you're not taking yourself for granted in the process.

I'm lucky enough to not have gotten covid yet, and I hope it stays that way.

If your job isnt doing what it can for you in this time, dont be too stubborn about staying

Its not worth risking yourself for your job honestly, and I really hope peoples jobs do as much as they can for those they employ.

If you aren't working, do something with your time that you'll remember (safe things obviously) and if you are still working keep up the awesome progress, stay safe, and be blessed. ❤

[probably-writing-x]

Dressing Room Daydream (Part 6)

~A Harrison Osterfield Series~

Tags- @sleepwalkingdragon @sunshine112 @carisi-sonny @imarypayne @supernatural-girl97 @deleteidentity @vibhati123 @faefictions @butithasntkilledyouyet

Inspiration- Storylines don't end when the curtain falls

Warnings- Mentions of abuse in detail, language warning

"Morning!" Harry and Sam call in unison as you walk out of Harrison's room.

"Hey guys, did you have a good trip?" You ask them, surprised by the sight in front of you.

All four boys were in the kitchen making some concoction for breakfast, with music playing to keep their spirits high in the boring task.

"Yeah, saw some sights, took some photos," Harry shrugs, "We want to know about you, how is everything?"

Harrison notices the way your smile falters. He knew that you couldn't just say everything was great because you'd have been straight up lying.

"As good as can be," You nod and they know not to pry any further.

Haz comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, head resting gently on your shoulder, "Did you sleep well, darling?"

You smile and lean into his touch, welcoming the warmth in his words, "Best sleep I've had in a long time,"

He grins and kisses your cheek quickly, looking up to the boys, "And look at our little chefs," He laughs.

"Hey!" Tom spins around, pointing a spatula at Harrison, "Wasn't it your idea to make a nice breakfast for (Y/N)? And now you've left us to go cosy up together,"

"You didn't have to do anything guys, really, I don't need a fuss," You assure them, tilting your head to direct the words to H.

"That's not how it works here," Harrison shakes his head, letting go of you and only keeping contact by his hold on your hand, "See, a complementary breakfast is part of the welcome package when you start living here,"

You laugh as he directs his walk to the kitchen, slowly letting go of your hand.

"So, you can go and pass some time for ten minutes and we're going to make you the best breakfast you've ever had," He sounds confident enough to make the boys cheer at his statement and soon they're all back to work, dancing and singing to the song playing through the speakers.

It felt like a home. Not this apartment, nor the entire block. This moment felt like home. More of a home than you'd ever had with Alex.

To 'pass the time' you head into the ensuite bathroom of Harrison's room, hoping to tidy up your morning appearance just slightly. You found yourself staring into the mirror instantly. The purple circles under your eyes were still prominent but didn't seem as harsh as they used to be. The bumps on the inner side of your cheek from where you had chewed it with anxiety weren't as harsh now. Lifting the sweatshirt that covered your form, you dropped it to the floor and absorbed the image of your body. From the long, purple bruises across your ribs to the yellowish tones of the injuries in your shoulders, nothing looked as bad as it had done before. They were fading or morphing into different colours but didn't seem as terrible as they had once appeared to be on your skin.

It felt as though that made this worse. Before, Alex appeared completely physical in his impact on you. In your bruises, your fatigue, your worry, he was reflected in an imperfection of your body. Things he had caused. But now, as the physicalities faded, you were beginning to be left with a solely mental impact. You wanted to clutch on to the bruises and the bumps and the bags because they would mean that all of his impact was on you, and not inside you.

Because, now, there were tears spilling. As your hands brushed over the bruised areas, you wanted to feel some sort of pain to take it away from your mind. It seemed like another bruise would stop you from feeling that fear every time your phone rang. It would stop you from feeling sick whenever you ate because of the comments he would always make. It would stop you from being tarnished by him.

"Hey, honey," Harrison's voice is sweet on the other side of the locked door, "The food's ready when you are,"

"I'll be out in a second," You respond quickly, wiping harshly at the small tears dotting your cheeks, "Thank you,"

You notice by the absense of the shadow beneath the door that he leaves after that and you are thankful for it. Damnit, stop thinking about Alex. Harrison was not a goddamn Alex.

"Oh come on, there's no way!" Harrison exclaims, "There is no way on earth that Batman would not beat Spiderman. It's just impossible,"

Their conversation instantly evokes a small smile on your lips. Harrison told you that they debated this all the time, even more so now that they could actually debate it with Spiderman.

"Batman is just rich! He doesn't have much else," Harry comments, clearly siding with his elder brother for this one.

You take the empty seat beside Harrison and he instantly turns to smile at your presence.

"Hey," He mumbles, kissing your cheek once more.

You hum at the contact, knowing your own insecurities needed moments like that. You needed to have the contact of a boyfriend without the way that Alex would make contact. And so, you take Harrison's free hand from underneath the table and hold it in yours. Out of sight. A small gesture.

"You okay?" He frowns, the sound of the argument behind him becoming white noise now you were here.

"Yeah," You nod, "Thank you for breakfast,"

He grins and turns back to the boys, his hand moving to lightly rest on your thigh when you needed both hands to cut your pancakes.

"Come on then (y/n), you can settle this," Sam sighs, stuffing a bite of pancakes into his mouth, "Spiderman or Batman?"

You look between the boys who all seem to look at you as though you hold the answer to a very important question.

"I'm saying Spiderman," You laugh and Tom and Harry instantly cheer in response.

"What?" Sam exclaims, dropping his fork onto the ceramic plate and being met with a loud clattering sound.

It shouldn't do, but the noise makes you flinch beyond normality. Fuck. Why did it have to have such an impact on you? You could feel the moment washing back to the forefront of your mind. Alex's yelling, his food forgotten as the plate came clattering to the wall behind you in a shattering blow, narrowly missing your head. You could remember clearing it all up as his yelling continued over something you'd clearly done wrong. You could remember slicing your finger on the sharp ceramic and him giving up on you at that point, thankfully storming out of the apartment until morning.

You're brought back to the present by Harrison squeezing your leg only slightly. He was the only one to react to your instinctive responses and you were thankful. As the brothers began to chatter about a film they'd watched last night, you were grateful that it was only Harrison who had his attention on you.

"I-" You begin, not sure how you're going to continue. I'm sorry I'm still terrified of every single noise that reminds me of him? I'm sorry I have to stop myself from flinching when you touch me because of him? I'm sorry I have to put you through this.

"Shhh," Harrison shakes his head, his voice quiet and almost inaudible, "You don't need to explain yourself,"

You don't reply, just hold his hand on your leg for a moment. You don't even have the instinct to pull away from his contact. And perhaps that was improvement. You wanted him there, you wanted him here.

"So, how have the shows been going?" Sam asks the two of you, sitting back with his plate now empty.

Harrison answers, "Yeah, really good actually. We have a press night tonight so that's going to be stressful. Essentially, how well the show is received by the press generally determines how successful we'll be after today,"

"No pressure then," Tom laughs in response, "You'll be fine man, the show's great and everyone has loved it so far,"

The conversation continues and you find yourself joining in like it is completely natural. You don't notice the look of pride on Harrison's face.

~~~

"Alright guys, big night tonight! We need one hundred percent from everyone and then we can breathe," The show manager jokes, talking to the entire group that had gathered on the stage for his pep talk.

You were in costume now ready for rehearsal and it instantly made you feel completely detached from everything else, this was one of the main reasons you loved performing.

"You two, we need to feel like you're genuinely in love," He directs his words to you and Harrison.

"That shouldn't be hard," The man who played PT comments, earning a laugh from some of the other main cast.

"Yes, you've been perfect so far so just same as normal," The manager continues, not picking up on the real reason behind a comment like that.

You see Harrison look at you and widen his eyes for a moment and you giggle quietly, hoping nobody else would notice anything.

~~~

It doesn't feel like long before you're back to the show, hoping with everything that this was successful.

Come Alive ends and you're thankful for the number to be a complete success.

Your eyes look around the crowd to see them applauding with a strong enthusiasm. Until your eyes settle on him. Alex. Right there. In the second row.

You run off stage instantly with the rest of the cast but your eyes are lingering on his presence. Harrison is there to greet you but you can't bare to pull your eyes away.

"That was great babe!" Harrison grins, kissing your cheek quickly, "What is it?" his face drops into a frown.

"Al-Ale-" Your voice is shaking as you watch him rise from his seat and walk through the emergency exit - one that could very easily lead straight to backstage.

"Where?!" Harrison's voice drops to a dark tone you would never expect from him.

You're trembling beyond belief now, weak enough to be falling into Harrison's body without holding yourself up. This was what panic felt like. The tightening of your chest. The breathing that now seemed imposible. The blurring of everything around you.

But there he was. In the wings on the other side of the stage, there was Alex. With an anger on his face that was beyond anything you'd seen from him before.

#Harrison #Harrison osterfield #Harrison imagine #Harrison one shot #Harrison drabble #Harrison series #Harrison osterfield imagine #Harrison osterfield drabble #Harrison osterfield series #Harrison x reader #Harrison x you #Harrison x y/n #Harrison osterfield x reader #Harrison osterfield x you #Harrison osterfield x y/n #Dressing room daydream

[anachroniisms-archived]

hhi all! so after andy and marius i realized i needed someone soft...er. here’s my poetic and peaceful soul - 

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ emily rudd + cisfemale + she/her— have you seen juliet mancini? they sure have been hanging out at city hall a lot recently. they are a twenty-five year old known as the pacifist, and they currently work for the cobras as a council member, which they’ve been doing for two weeks. a bisexual pisces, they are empathetic + intelligent, as well as idealistic + obsequious. Ink stains, lavender, strolls through the palace of versailles. × rey. twenty one. she/her. pst (antons wc)

The Pacifist; -

tw: drug use, death, protracted disease

TL;DR: A Conflict-Averse Soul and A Smart Cookie and A Hardcore Romantic. Born in New York to a heroin addict. Half-sister of Elias Duval. Adopted by her aunt when after her mother died and thus moved across the world to Romania. Her aunt was married to a surgeon in the Romanian mafia who supplied the organ black market in Europe. Like her mother and her aunt, Juliet has Huntington’s disease. She watched her aunt deteriorate and pass away because of it. 

Knows her own body and mind are just a ticking clock. 

Joined the Romanian mafia as a hacker out of familial pressure. Found a way to escape by convincing the Don to let her go find the supposedly kidnapped Anton Petran. Has been hiding in Valdez ever since. Now works for a Cobras as a council woman by night. By day, she is a graduate teaching assistant working towards her PhD in machine learning and artificial intelligence. 

BACKSTORY

Juliet was born on the first day of Spring and perhaps that’s why she was able to bloom even in such great darkness. Spring is cold in the city of New York and it was not unusual that March 20th saw chill that year. Juliet came with the spring and her mother, Hannah, began to deteriorate with the winter. Hannah harbored a terrible heroin addiction and this led to Juliet and her half-brother Elias having a troubled childhood. Juliet would later come to learn that her mother was also inflicted with a disease (Huntington’s, they called it,) that would pass down to her genetically, but she wouldn’t learn about it she was at least thirteen and she wouldn’t feel it in her blood till she was at least twenty-five.  Hannah’s heroin addiction took her long before the disease did. 

When Hannah passed away, Juliet’s brother Elias went off to live with his biological father. Juliet, went sent to Bacau, Romania to live with her mother’s estranged sister, Joana, her husband, Matthias, and her maternal grandparents. She was only 9 years old. While the family had effectively disowned Hannah, they welcomed Juliet with warm and open arms. They adopted Juliet and she became a Mancini. 

The Mancini’s though, for all their kindness, came with their own brand of secrets. From day one, Juliet became familiar with the idea of blood. Bad blood, blood money, having blood on your hands - these concepts were made quite clear to her by her uncle, Matthias. Matthias Mancini was a renowned surgeon at the Anadolu Medical Center in Kocaeli, Turkey and a prominent member of the Romanian mafia. The man spent most of his days with his hands dipped in blood. The organ black market in Europe was a dark and dangerous thing, but it saw an influx in supply thanks to Matthias’ handiwork. Despite his job in Turkey and their residence in Romania, Juliet never felt as if she had an absentee uncle. Matthias made a concentrated effort to be part of his niece’s life. He made this attempt to make up for his wife’s absense, who spent most of her days bedridden and to herself because of the Huntington’s that afflicted her.  

When Matthias wasn’t around though, Juliet was raised by her maternal grandparents. They were a kind pair, former members of the mafia themselves, but now grown soft in their old age. They found time for things like languages and literature and they brought Juliet into these spheres as well. Shakespeare. Of course Juliet leaned into the bard when she learned of her namesake. Her youth saw an artistic renaissance of sorts and Juliet would spend days holed up in the library or at her aunt’s bedside. When Joana was finally consumed by Huntington’s, it was decided that Juliet would attend preparatory school. This would be a change for Juliet as she was homeschooled for the first first few years of her life.

Juliet had to pinpoint it, she would say her first and best friend was Anton Petran. When Matthias decided that Juliet would attend preparatory school, the young girl had felt her heart sing despite the tragedy that still hung heavy over the family. She ignored the intentions behind this choice - ‘It’s never unwise to invest in the future of the Romanian mafia.’- and instead focused on the silver linings. Finally! She’d have teachers and classes and schedules, - but most of all she would have friends. This didn’t go quite to plan. Juliet’s anachronistic taste tagged her as odd and isolated student. Put plainly, the other kids found her kind of weird. But no matter. In a few weeks time Juliet had met Anton and all the superficiality melted away. He was smart and tenacious and she liked that. One of the few that could keep up with her. She knew she’d found a lifelong camaraderie in this boy.

Her grandparents heard enough about him too. She invited him over for dinner once, so that they and her uncle could meet him. It was a simple enough affair. “I want you to meet my best friend.” 

The event was the beginning of the descent.

Petran. “Any relation to Adrian Petran?”

An innocent enough question in Juliet’s eyes but she could see what it meant to her best friend. In a couple of weeks, Anton was dragged into the belly of the beast (the mafia) and all Juliet could do was jump in after him and hope they didn’t both get digested.  

Juliet joined the Romanian mafia out of deep concern for her friend (possibly, her only friend?). Matthias, who’d been steering his own daughter towards this path, was over the moon. But as she watched her friend climb the ranks, a new purpose came into existence for the young woman - she wanted to staunch the flow of blood. While Juliet had a distaste for the organization, its values, and its methods - being part of the Romanian mafia meant that she could actively do things to keep the body count low. She could, literally save lives. With her own life on a timer because of a disease that sit in her DNA, nothing felt nobler use of time.

Juliet studied linguistics at the Sorbonne university in Paris and, for the first few years, she assisted her uncle in those black market deals. Her personal work-ethic became clear: no pointless acts of violence and no killing. Indeed, she found her own disposition much more suited for cyber-crime. Juliet switched to computer science for her masters - which she would earn at Cambridge.

As it turned out, cyber crime was the right fit for her. She excelled and, as a result, gained a reputation for it in the Romanian mafia. Juliet loved it because it lacked blood. Meanwhile, she watched Anton skyrocket through the ranks. By the time she was entering Cambridge he was second in command of a clandestine sub-group within the mafia.

But this is the part where things get muddled for Juliet. Suddenly, Anton was kidnapped by another large mafia in Europe - or at least that’s what the Don told them. The Romanian mafia looked for Petran after his sudden disappearance, of course, but all traces of Petran were just... gone.

Juliet was not going to give up the search so easily. Any attempts to reach out to Anton were meeting dead ends. What if he was still out there alive? What if he was hurt?  She approached the sub-group that Anton had held leadership in and sought out membership, hoping that doing so would help in her search for her friend. It did, but it came with a price.

Anton was running with a dangerous crowd you see, and now so was she. Juliet was on the frontlines of the bloodbath once more. She despised it. In an attempt to keep the blood off her hands, Juliet suggested that her next assignment be to find Anton Petran. She lied and said she had a few clues, said she’d managed to catch his trail. The Don agreed. Juliet left. 

For days she searched. And then finally, on a cold Saturday, while on her computer in a small cafe, she found a trace of him in Colorado (of all places.) Juliet ventured out to Valdez and sure enough, there was Anton Petran, not kidnapped, not hurt, but rather…. hiding. When she found him in Valdez -- Juliet decided to stay. Maybe, she thought, she could hide here too - far away from the bloodshed of her old life. 

Now, Juliet is part of the Cobras. She’s only been here a couple of weeks. She is still a pacifist at heart.  She continues to spoof her trail so that the mafia thinks she is still searching the world for their former second-in-command. Occasionally, she even sends them false updates. Juliet is determined to keep Anton and herself safe in this town. She has been here for under a year and, when she’s not with the Cobras, she is working towards her PhD. in artificial intelligence and machine learning. She is a graduate teacher’s assistant at Valdez University.

PERSONALITY / OTHER

personification of an Anne Sexton poem

stops to smell the roses

speaks six languages including: english, romanian, french, italian, spanish, esperanto

always tinkering, always inventing

loves a good conlang challenge

pastel ravenclaw aesthetic

advocate for peace, always

Wears longsleeves or covers the romanian mafia tattoo on her right forearm.

proud cat mom to one cat named Sylvia after the poet and author Sylvia Plath.

While she was working the cyber-crime sector of the Romanian mafia, she used the alias “Miss Honey.” Sometimes she still does. 

Has Huntington’s Disease. Her body and her mind are a ticking clock.

Methodology: no killing. no unnecessary violence. 

A smart cookie. Undergraduate degree in linguistics from Sorbonne University in Paris. Master’s degree in computer science from Cambridge. Now, Juliet is a graduate teacher’s sssistant at Valdez University. There she is working towards her PhD in artificial intelligence and machine learning.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

[ will expand on these soon ]

Confide ! - Her doctor and confidant! Huntington’s scares Juliet. She saw what it did to her mother. This person is more than just Juliet’s doctor, they’re her shoulder to lean on.

Geek ! - come geek out with Juliet !! Maybe they’re fellow PhD candidates, maybe they both go to Valdez University, maybe she’s their TA.

Adventure ! These are people Juliet has gone on tinder dates with. Because of her condition, Juliet doesn’t think long term romance is something she’s destined for. However, she loves the idea of romance and love and wears rose-tinted glasses about the whole experience. She’s on Tinder and falls in love with everyone she matches with.

Cry ! - The one that Juliet fell a little too hard for. The one she ghosted without an explanation.

Remember ! - If you have have a character that ever dealt with cybercrime - there’s a chance you ran into Juliet’s alias “Miss Honey.” Juliet is currently hiding from the Romanian mafia for whom she was a hacker. She’s trying to bury and hide her past, but old habits die hard.

Hiss ! - This council woman loves her fellow snakes !

Read ! - Juliet runs a book club. Join it! 

#outlaw.intro #{ the pacifist } #{ the pacifist intro }

[zaraegis]

Come at the King!au|Part  6|T

Fandom: Cuphead

Pairings: Ride or Die QPP Wheezy & Dice

TW: some small violence, being an Emotionally Mature Person and Apologizing

Notes: After the Events of Cuphead, everyone’s gotta deal with the aftermath

Prev| First |Next

After all the harrowing Casino fights and the loss of all the Inkwell Island soul contracts, Dice pauses only briefly before coming into the Devil's Office. He's a straightforward kind of guy, when he's not rigging everything he can in his favor. Dithering in front of a door because he lost horribly isn't his style.

The man himself is in there, ice pack on his head and a horn missing and the most pissed off Dice has seen.

His fur is matted around his eyes. Did those cups make him cry?

"YOU."

"Yes, boss?" Dice replies brightly, determined to not lose his own frayed temper over being beaten up terribly like some common civilian.

"Worthless lackey, why do I keep you around if you're not going to stop a couple of snot nosed brats from making off with whatever they want?" Ouch. But admittedly deserved .

Dice opened his mouth, already thinking of ways to spin this, even while being aware of his chipped head and unimpressive black eyes. His boss cuts him off, on a roll.

"I know what you can do Dice" The Devil's tone changes, something dark and knowing that makes his hackles rise, "What I want to know is why you didn't do everything in your power to stop them? Is this what you wanted? For the casino to become a laughingstock and-"

The knife that sprouts centimeters from the Devil's pointed ear chimes dully as it vibrates from the force. It's stuck fast through the layers of wood and cloth. The Devil can see his own angry red eyes in it's metal.

"Be very careful Boss." Dice quietly says in the sudden silence, hand still outstretched. "About what you say when you're letting your temper get the best of you."

The Devil feels his fury banking at a wave of wariness. He might not be up to another fight so soon, especially with someone as dangerous as his manager.

Dice, with a blank expression, reaches slowly into his suit and pull out a familiar creased paper. He sets it gently, terribly terribly gently, on the desk between them.

It's his contract.

Gut churning, the Devil will never admit he near jumped out of his skin as Dice slams one gloved hand besides it.

"If it pleases you Boss, I would like to remind you that my contract clearly states that you hired a manager, NOT a mercenary "OF SOME KIND"."

What used to be a passing joke between the two of them is now tarred with the contempt dripping from Dice as he near shouts the last bit.

The Devil has never heard King Dice raise his voice.

They stare each other down and Dice huffs and turns on his heel, shoulders stiff and contract left behind on the mahogany surface. Before he reaches the door the Devil speaks up behind him, voice quiet and tired.

"Are you quitting?"

"I dunno. Am I fired?" Dice shoots back. He doesn't bother to slam the door, point made.

-

Outside he's met with the wide eyes of the casino employees. He rolls his eyes and quietly commands: "To the staff lounge room with you all, there's a meeting."

They all disperse quickly, everyone silent and straining to hear any more noises from the imposing door to the Devil's office.

There's nothing.

-

"You all have the week off. Rest, and heal up. You'll get a bonus not to worry." He mentions when he sees Mangosteen open his mouth. "Hazard pay if nothing else."

He'll make sure of it, even if he's booted from his job.

"As for the souls... I wouldn't put it past those two brothers to come back up in a rage if we make anymore deals in the casino. But..." He smiles slyly, "Plenty o' people come round to make legitimate deals with the Devil for their souls. That's not something they can have a say in, I wager."

They're quiet and everyone is conspiciously NOT mentioning whatever they may have heard of him losing his temper. They're all quite decent coworkers really, compared to others he's had in the past.

He might miss them.

"What about the Big Boss, Mr. King Dice?" Chips finally pipes up, blunt and willing to say what everyone else is wondering. Dice very pointedly does not frown.

"He's...taking a break too I suppose. I'll check back up on him after this, to make sure." He idly glances at Pirouetta, the previous manager and closest to the Devil himself. She inclines her head at him.

It either means that yes, he should check up on his boss or yes, she will lay some lovely flowers on his grave. It's always fifty-fifty with her.

"-and Chips. It's just Dice now."

The silence got even more oppressive. Oh dear, that wasn't what he was going for. He shakes his shoulders out to soften his rigid stance and smiles ruefully.

"They sold their souls, and they beat all the Casino employees, myself and the Devil. That means my title is theirs now." It stung more than he thought it would, saying it outloud.

Nearly half his life's accomplishment, gone in the wind.

Chips is picking at the lasso he keeps at his hip, worrying the frayed strands and not looking up as he mutters.

"That's gonna be mighty strange. Ain't callin' no two bit bums off the street Kings though." Pip and Dot make assenting noises.

Dice feels Wheezy's absense keenly at this moment.

"Don't worry boss," Hopus cackles, it's really the only way he talks, "You'll always be the king of my 'eart!"

They all break into hooting and hollering and raucous laughter and Dice actually guffaws at their ridiculousness. The tension fractures at that and they all begin chatting with the same ease as the day before.

Pirouetta comes up to him, a tellingly reserved air about her. "Wheezy won't be joining us today?"

It's said casually, but her eyes lock onto his and Dice feels his shoulders straighten back up.

"Yes." He answers finally, not allowing himself to look away. "I got some apologies to make first though."

Pirouetta nods sharply at him and he feels like he dodged a bullet. Before she swans off, he gently catches her elbow.

"You wouldn't happen to know where I can get some cinnamon would you?"

She smiles.

-

He does stop back at the Boss's office. It's empty and dark. One of the imps that hangs around tells him the Devil's gone to ground back to Hell.

Where mortals like Dice can't tread. Typical.

Oh well. He'll give him a week before Dice storms the Underworld after his wayward employer.

He's got some apology breakfast to make.

-

"Hey."

Wheezy startles at the sudden voice in his suite where previously he thought he was alone. Dice sidles up to him and sits besides him on the sofa. He doesn't turn to look from where he's cradling the little beat up cigar demons in his lap.

He'd never been one of the casino fighters before. Always the one to stand back and watch Dice make mincemeat out of anyone who thought they could win back their contract. Always the one to help patch everything and everybody up.

The little guys were the Devil's, but Wheezy took care of them, kept their little flames flickering and swept the ashes they left everywhere.

It was easier than he thought to fight. Even young ones like those cups. The adrenaline pumping made his reservations about violence wick away and he found it so easy to spit out the fire he's held back since he knew what those flames could do as a child.

That frightened him more than anything.

"So. You might be right about the winning thing."

He turned slightly, to show he was listening.

Dice looked at him, not allowing himself to obfuscate or hem and haw around his apology.

" 'm sorry, Wheeze. I shouldn't have kicked you because I got mad at someone else." He huffs out a breath. Does it make Wheezy a terrible person that he enjoys the pained grimace on his friend's face? Probably. But it does make him feel better.

"I won't do it again."

"Won't you?" Wheezy quietly asked. Finally turning to see Dice, serious and beat up.

"I'll show you. I won't."

Wheezy presses their shoulders together. "Alright."

"Alright?"

"Yeah. You look ridiculous by the way, have you iced your face?"

Dice pulled a face, "I had to go throw a knife at our Boss this morning, ain't had time."

"What?!"

Dice waves him off, "Don't worry it didn't even scratch him."

Wheezy is well out of his funk now, jolted into familiar exasperated worry. Why was his friend such a blockhead?

Dice squinted suspiciously at him, and opened his mouth to call out Wheezy on the blockhead comment he could probably feel when they were interrupted by a knock.

Mangosteen popped his head in, hilariously too big to fit in entirely in the doorway without ducking. "We've got the stuff boss."

Dice jumped up and made his way to Wheezy's kitchen, Wheezy incredulously as the entirety of the casino staff paraded into his suite carrying a bevy of delicious smelling dishes to the dining table.

"What is all this?"

"Breakfast," Dice exclaimed, way too satisfied for someone still missing a tooth, and started rolling up his sleeves.

Wheezy had to give in when Pirouetta stopped at his side and raised a single eyebrow.

Breakfast sounded good.

-

"I was always afraid you know," He tells Dice, in the aftermath of breakfast. They're washing dishes while everyone else seems reluctant to leave, lounging around his living room and exclaiming on the goings on of Hell out the window.

"Of what?" Dice questions, both of them slowly getting used to one another again in the wake of their not-fight.

Wheezy shrugs. "Someone coming after you while I was there. Me not being able to do anything about it really."

He really wasn't prepared for one of his worst fears coming true in the most spectacular fashion. He had to watch some upstarts beat up his friend and know there was nothing at all he could do.

He just. Wasn't enough.

He wonders if Dice lives with this fear, all the time. Fear of his past catching up to him, clever deal with the Devil or no.

Dice stops and looks down at the cup he's scrubbing. Idly turning it this way and that.

"I think," he starts slowly,"That you might be the only one to want to have my back when they do come for me."

He looks up, the lighting making his face seem haunted,"Thank you."

Wheezy doesn't know if Dice realizes he always says "when" and not "if" while referring to his past. Like it was inevitable and the Devil himself could only stall it despite everything.

That was too much for Wheezy to think about right now.

"Well," He clears his throat and everyone else’s conversation filters in between them once again. "At least this whole mess is over with now, ey?"

Dice laughs and lets the cup sink down into warm soapy water.

-

The first hitman finds him the next morning.

#cuphead #king dice #the devil #mr wheezy #pirouetta #chips bettigan #my fanfic tag #come at the king!au #i remembered i had this so i fleshed it out! #laughs evilly #previous merc!dice likes the devil #but something he still won't let stand #also to this day he carries various daggers and knives on his person At All Times #watch out for that

[mauveviolet]

for a cmbyn prompt? oliver gets the flu or soemthing and elio gets worried? LOVE UR WORK

(God anon i’m so happy to hear you love my work. It means so much. This will be in the past tense.)

I had woken up normal for someone who tasted the end of summer bitter on their toungue. It tasted of snippier weather and the dwindling of the apricot harvest, but the day began bright nonetheless. I could hear the chatter of my parents from the open window, noting the absense of a single voice. There was Mafalda, I know, buzzing around with clinking plates and chiding remarks. “I knew it,” she had said. “I knew it!” She knew everything, bless her heart, and there are no ill feelings behind that even now.

But Oliver was missing. Had he gone out already? I wouldn’t have been surprised. He must have gulped down his breafast in one take and rushed into town, leaving us behind to grab some papers, or just taken a ride to the lake. He may have already been laying by the pool, so quiet that he drowned in the sound of his own thoughts. Like his thoughts, he was extremely unpredictable, as I had come to know.

So unpredicable, in fact, that when I slipped a shirt on and walked into the bathroom, his door was wide open. And his blinds were closed. And he was…

Still in bed?

On the pads of my toes I skidded quietly into his bedroom, looking around curiously. There he was, a hamster in a hay pile of blankets with a chest moving up and down slowly.

My face softened. I walked around the bedpost to sit on the side he didn’t occupy. I waited a moment to see If he didn’t wake up, before I slipped a hand under the blanket hesitantly to lay a hand on his cheek. His scruff was newly forming on his face as he lay dead to the world around him.

He also was hot, and concerningly so. Not a sheen of sweat covered him though, and as I moved my hand to his forhead, my suspicions proved true. He had a fever.

At that, his eyes flickered open. A sleep enduced look of confusion plastered his face at first before morphing into something calming, knowing. He closed his eyes again, not questioning things.

“Oliver?” I whispered.

“Elio.” He smiled weakly at that.

“You aren’t well?”

He shifted, and opened his eyes again. “I know. Mafalda blames it on all the late nights i’ve been having… You aren’t out with your parents?”

I turned to the shrouded window. “I slept in. I just woke up. I went to use the washroom and here you are, heating up your room like an oven. Did you take anything? Do you need a drink? Are you okay? Please tell me you’re going to be alright.”

“Shh,” he said, laughing softly. “I’ll be quite alright in time. It’s nothing major.”

I bit my lip. To have him sick in his last few days here would have been terrible. To think of everything we would have missed, all that could have been in our shortening hours together. He’d never go to Rome, he’d leave straight from here, leaving me along with every imprint he’d left within me. I couldn’t handle the thought, and I wasn’t ready to accept the idea.

I slipped under his boiling covers, pressing my face into his neck, my breath hot on his even hotter upper shoulder. After a moment, he wrapped an arm around my hip.

“Elio, I’ll make you sick.”

“I don’t care.”

He whispers, already falling back into a fever drenched sleep.

“You don’t care…”

Had I cared, the day may have been an eventful one. But I did not, and it was in that bed that I slept with him as my parents wondered where I was, and the sun travelled it’s way across the sky.

(I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to send me more prompts!)

#cmbym #call me by your name #cambro's stuff

[simplemoonk]

Ship: Rivamika

Hurt/Comfort

Disclaimer: Attack on Titan belongs to the Hajime Isayama and we all know that I guess!

Summary: Levi had to went on an expedition - leaving a pregnant Mikasa behind!

It was a sunny summer day, sun shining brightly up in the sky and they felt it warms their skin in a pleasant way. There was a red and white square-patterned blanket beneath them and they were alone in the large area. Mikasa could see the forest ahead of them – full of pine trees. Everywhere on the sight covered with emerald green grasses.

Mikasa smiled to herself as she turned to look at her husband. He was watching the kid who was playing by himself in front of them with soft grey eyes. The boy giggled as a few birds land near to him, he chased them and they flew off instantly only to came back on their previous spot. It was like the birds also wanted to play with the boy too. Mikasa was stunned when she saw Levi smiled by himself, a gesture which is out of normal and only reserved for the two of them. She felt happiness and peace washed over her overwhelmingly that her chest hurts. She heard then their little son -who learned how to walk recently- trying to run towards them clumsily with his little legs, shouting to his father meanwhile.

“Daddy! Daddy come play with me?” he reached his baby hands to Levi and to Mikasa’s suprise Levi did not hesitate even a heartbeat and got up on his feet quickly walked through their son and met him in the half way. Mikasa’s smile widen while she watch her husband grabed their son’s hand and let him take the lead. He told his father something about the birds exicitingly and pointed a nearby bird hurried him to rush towards it. Mikasa chuckled at the sight of them and throw her head back to look at the clear sky. It was so bright she had to narrow her eyes. Her smile still presented in her face. She could’t recall a time in her life that she was this happy.

She did’t know how much time she spent like this but it must be long because the sun suddenly hide behind the thick dark clouds which she did not see them coming. The absense of the sun showed itself immediately and the wheather got chilly. Mikasa felt an unpleasent shivering went through her whole body and she turned her face to the horizon from the sky. She expected to see her family but they weren’t here. Anxiety started to fill into her and she felt her stomach turned upside down. She hurriedly stand up and called her husband’s name. No reply came.

She looked right and left trying to find Levi and their son but there were no sign of them around. It seemed like they were cease to exist. The thought gave her an another shiver and she started to run towards the forest since there were no any other option left.

“Levi!” she called again and again but there were no reply. She shout out her son’s name but again only thing she can hear was the sound of the wind which appeared to be get stronger every minute. She was surrounded by the trees that seemed so charming to her just this morning – now they were only consuming her and kept coming on her way but she didn’t stop. She continued to call over and over both her husband and her son’s name but still there were niether a sight nor a sound from them. At this point she started to run like a maniac. Suddenly she tripped over something which made her fall over. Her knee started to bleed but she barely paid attention. She raised herself on her elbows and turned to see what made her fall. Suddenly the whole world stopped.

She stopped breathing stopped thinking even her heart stopped for a second. Everything seem to be silent and dark and cold as she recognized Levi’s body. There was blood all over his white shirt. His eyes were close and he wasn’t breathing his chest was perfectly still. Mikasa heard a scream which she recognized later that it was her scream all along. He was dead.

 Mikasa woke up jolting. She was alone, breating heavly and feeling cold and there was a terrible pain on her stomach. Yet she did not seem to recognize all of these things. She jumped from the bed which was not a fast jump as it used to be since she was 9 months pregnant. She needed to find him. She needed to find Levi. Still unawere of the pain on her stomach she found her way out of the room by clinging the walls getting a lot of help from them. The nightmare’s effect on her was so much that she felt so light headed. The head-quarter’s corridor were empty since most of the soldiers, her husband included, were on the expedition. Ever since they learned about her pregnancy it was decided that Mikasa could not take any part of those deathly expeditions and she made returned her uniform for an unknown amount of time. It wouldn’t be a problem for Mikasa even if she was still bitter about not being able to protect Eren, Armin and Levi, and all of her friends for that matter, on those missions- she knew she would do everyting to keep this child safe. Including to sat back and waited for her loved ones to returned back from their missions for never-ending days. She tried not to think about it. She learned from Levi to trust her friends and their power. And although it was not easy for her at first and she had really hard time to let it go she learned to keep her anixety under control – for the sake of her child. In every expedition she send her husband and Eren and all of her friends with a lump in her throat and she learned to suppress her desire to go after them. Until today.

The sun started to shine on the horizon as she stepped out of the head quarters. The outside were also empty and she was still clinging those walls with her dear life. She was heading the barracks when she realized somewhere in the back of her brain that there were two soilders who running towards her. Only when one of the men hold her arm to support her from falling she rcognized one of her hand went to grab her stomach. The other soilder started to yell for others to call Mike who stayed because of his broken arm from the last expedition.

“L-let me go!” Mikasa wanted to yell at the soilder who was grabbing her arms forcely in order to prevent her from falling, yet her voice came out so weak and shaky she couldn’t help but got suprised a bit. She didn’t think about that much though - she could see the barracks from the spot they have been standing. Just a few more steps and she could find her horse and took a ride towards the expedition area. She believed she has that power in herself. She could do this – she had to! Her husb-

Mikasa’s eyes widen with the thought. Levi! She need to save Levi. He needed him at the moment she was so sure of that! With that Mikasa yanked her arm from the soilder catching him off-guard. He stumbled on his feets while Mikasa kept going on her way to the barracks with both hands clinging the walls of the head-quarters for support. Behind her the man tried to talk to her, tried to made some sense of her but she didn’t listen. Levi!

She heard someone else called her name and some footsteps running towards her but she felt like she was in a dream again. Her mind began to get even foggier than before and the only thoght she could hang on was Levi and her need to save him. Suddenly she doubled up because of an unexpected pain and she started to fell over. The only thing she realized afterwards she was on the floor and someone was holding her. She could’nt remember whether or not she hit herself to the ground but that didn’t matter at that time. She was finally out of that foggy state that prevented her from thinking and feeling other things but her nightmare. There was an another pain in her body that she finally realized. Her stomach.

“Mikasa? Are you alright?” she heard Mike asking her while keeping her arms to support her – her back leaned on him which made clear that it was Mike who caught her. She was about to answered when she recognized something was leaking between her legs. Her water broke.

#rivamika #rivamika fanfiction #levikasa

[editor-kaeson]

The Short And Long

To be fair, I wouldn't know where to start if I tried. For this introduction I'll tell you the main points so if you don't feel like reading the endepthness after, it's cool. I wouldn't either. I know, first world problems and shit but I've struggled with many things. As everyone does, however in my past I never had a real role model that I looked up to and both my school and home life was less than ideal. When I was around 11 years old I was done making excuses for myself to live, whether it be my family or some other excuse I could think of I was done. I'd everything planned out to a tee, then swoops in Markiplier and DBZ. The second one seems strange I know but I'll explain later, all that matters is, I want to say: Thank you. You're like the older brother I never had, the one to be there for me when times were rough, when I was lost. I still have days, weeks, even months at a time I'm depressed and unmotivated but all I have to do is play your voice and move on. Uouve empowered me like nobody else and you had a huge role in raising me. It sounds strange I know, but my life at home was... is different than most however you helped make me feel like I was important that even my life mattered. Even if you don't see this or read this far happy birthday Mark, you're more than just my world, you're the reason I am still apart of this world. Thank you. I love you. Now I know that nobody really wants to know, heck even cares, but I want to put some of my story down. Even if I'm not much of anyone, if I can help others by sharing even a little of my story then I can be happy. Even if nobody reads it, it's still a good thing to get off of my chest. I know my parents love me, I know they do many things because they love me, however I didn't even know they were my parents for 5-6 years of my life. When I was first born on June 25th, 1999; I was not alive. However, my mother refused to believe so..... and thus I was put into an incubator for 5 hours. For that time the doctors tried to tell her I was gone, but she was resilient, after that time I finally started showing vitals and I was alive. It was a wish come true! Every wish has its concequences. I don't have it as bad as most but I have a speech impediment that I took maaaaaaany years of tharapy for. I also have extrodinary pain tolerence, which is both good and bad. For instance my mom thought my pancreas exploded and we couldn't tell because it just felt like horrednous cramps. My pancreas is good though so no worry. I have had glasses since kindergarten and have never been made fun of because of that, but I did get made fun of by how I was. How awkward I was, and I was a fat kid growing yp. When I was little I thought my babysitter was my mother, my mother was my babysitter, and I didn't know my dad exsisted. Throughout school I was picked on and took it fine, the only time I fought someone was when he called my mother "An ugly fat whore." That was a day before the weekend and I was planning on dying that weekened, my master plan underwraps, but that day I fot home Dragon Ball Zoo Kai was on. It resonated deeply with me. An alien from a different planet that was destroyed, was fighting for a different race who didn't care about him at all, and he gave his life to not only protect his son but everuone else. He did it by letting his greatest enemy (at the time) Picalo kill him and the threat. I then later that nightbwas surfing the internet only to accidentally stumble into Mark's channel. I'm still not close to others, I'm to used to people using me and leaving or just abandoning me for a different reason. I tend to push others away and unless theybare super adamint about actually caring about me, after I typically help them, then I help them heal their scars and leave. Even now I pobder, if I'm gone would it make a difference. Would my absense REALLY affect anyone. It pains to think about but I haven't done anything duper remarkable with my life, I'm pretty forgetable, and I'm not terribly good at much anything. I'm not competative, I love sports and they're fun but I don't care ifni win or lose. Sure it can suck to loss or you can feel a little happy you won but what does that matter when you have to keep yourself afloat while others try to use you to stay above water while you reap the losses. Anyway, I'm rambling, sure it's not allvthe details but I've wasted enough of your time so continue on and smile always. I will be here for you but please don't treat me as if I'm pathetic and that I "deserve" a little "love" because I'm not a charity case. I'm just a broken girl with overly crazy and ambitious dreams that can help you, and has a hard time accepting that she's good enough for your time.

#markiplier #depressing thoughts #glimpseoflife

[pokefan531]

Yuki's Story Chapter 79 - Phase Revealed

At Yuki's room after spending the day, finding Team Phase's warehouse. She just told them her adventure. Minoru: Wow. I didn't expect you would figure out how to get inside or log in their computer. Yuki: Me either. It seems a little too easy once you keep looking around. It seems like they aren't expecting anyone else to come to their warehouse. Leon: I thought they would be more secure than that. Yuki: I took pictures of their files, and copied their documents to the flash drive. She shows them the photos once Minoru connected her laptop to her TV with her phone being connected to the laptop. Yuki: This is the recent file I found. Minoru reads it. Minoru: "Next plan. Get Yuki Koriyama a long term suspension by making it look like she set off the fire alarm. A button is made to send off the fire alarm wirelessly. We provoke Yuki to talk to Lila, and have her next to the fire switch. That way, Lila presses the button and have our principle to believe Yuki is the one who put off a flase alarm and will have to be suspended for a week." Yuki: I saw that it was written two weeks ago. Look at the stamp. Rin: Well, they are really terrible. Yuki: I was trying to stop them from pulling off the alarm, but I was used as a bait. There was no other way our of it. I would never know about that plan if I didn't try to stop Lila from pulling it. Leon: And they play it very tricky. Retasu: It says "We should do that at Friday. Our Principle Hokkaido approved of this deal. Rin: WAIT! Our new principle, is with them?! Yuki: That's why he's been so doubtful! Minoru: No wonder why they got them a private room on the bottom floor. Leon: I couldn't believe this... Yuki: Remember the camera footage they have? They probably got permission from him too to use it as long as they want. Minoru: And secure their new room too. He looks at few other files. He sees one about them after having their old private room removed. Minoru: Remember their old club room they had last month? This is about it. Yuki: "It was too risky to have our club room any longer. Yuki's friends have too many evidence to go against us. Rin got rescued and Retasu's incident was shown already. Hokkaido-sama had no choice but to act natural and make it look like he's suspending us. We got excused absenses and had a weekly vacation at North of Sapporo." Rin: They are really bad guys. Yuki: Well, the principle had to go play by the rules. Now we know what these six have been doing. Leon: That is really messed up. I don't think we should get involved with our principle directly anymore. Yuki: For me, especially. Wait! This might be the only time yet to where you guys can be involved with the principle directly. I think I got a plan. Minoru: Let's hear it. A while later, Shirou came in to Yuki's room to hear the plan. Rin: Shirou! Shirou: Hey guys. What's the plan. Yuki: This is the way to bust Team Phase. Our principle has sided with them very much behind our backs, but he wants us to believe he's playing by the rules fairly, so we can bust them successfully. Shirou: I didn't expect to hear that. Yuki: Neither do I. Tomorrow morning, some of you guys will wait for Team Phase to come from the gate. Rin: I'll be talking to Kaname. I still have words with her. Shirou: Won't you be in danger again? Rin: Not this time. I got few gadgets at home, and I can defend myself fine. Shirou: Cool. Yuki: Retasu, Shirou, and Leon, you three will confront the rest once they entered the gate. Retasu: Sounds crazy. Yuki: Also call my sport mates. Leo, Lia, Kyanna, and you can also have Takahashi there too. Retasu: All right. Leon: I'm up for it. Yuki: Eru comes a bit early, so Minoru, take her to their new room and have her open their case. That room has a small case and Eru knows how to play with an electric pad. Minoru: I would, but I don't want to be in trouble. Yuki: Don't worry. Once you find anything interesting on that case, you will have clear evidence. It's likely they have something there. Leon, Retasu, and Shirou will distract them before they arrive to their private room. Minoru: What is Rin gonna do with Kaname specifically? Retasu: Well, Kaname comes the earliest because she has a talk with our teacher about her gradesheet. Rin can somehow distract her in a room. Rin: She still have my coconut scent bottle, and she's using it! Yuki: Also, being Eru to the office with you, Minoru. Take her to the security department, and see if you can get the guys there to rewind back at Friday. If not, then find something useful in the office if you can. I believe we can prove their lies. Leon: What if it fails or passes? Yuki: If it fails, then abort unless of you can think of something. You guys are smart. But if we won this, then the principle would have to call my parents. Ryo goes out with my parents to the giant mall for materials. He could use their phones and play like them again. Shirou: That's a brilliant plan! Yuki: I believe you guys will do this! No matter how hard it may come, I'm counting on all of you to do this! Everyone: Yeah!!! The next day at morning, Minoru sees Eru coming out from the car. She gets out and he walks to her. Minoru: Hey Eru! Eru: Hey Minoru. Minoru: How do you feel about Yuki? About her suspension? Eru: Umm, she may got tricked. Am I right? Minoru: Yes. I do need your help. You're very good at programming, right? Eru smiles. Eru: Yeah! I have some programming devices on the game room. Minoru: And you have worked with electrical pads and locks? Eru: I know how to program it. Yes. Minoru: Good. Let's go to the game room. I'll explain on the way. They went inside the school, while Rin is at the hallway. Rin: Kaname hasn't came yet. She keeps walking around. Retasu and Leon went to the back of the school to find Yuki's Sports mates. Retasu: They haven't came yet. Should we go to the front? Leon: Yes. Although Team Phase may come by. Retasu: Let's go. Shirou is by the front door of the building, and sees Leo coming. He walks to him. Shirou: Leo! Leo: Hey Shirou. Shirou: Where is Kyanna and Lia? Leo: Kyanna is coming in a minute. Lia should be heading in ten minutes. Shirou: Looks like I'm here too early. Well, Yuki offered us a plan. Leo: What plan? In the game room, Eru opens the bag of hers and shows Minoru her gadgets. Eru: This bag is for my future projects. There isn't much inside, but they are for programming. Minoru: So can they be connected to the electric locking keyboard? Eru: Yes! I got several cables for it. Minoru: Cool. Eru starts frowning. Minoru: Eru? Eru: I'm nervous. Minoru: Me to. I know neither of us wants to take risk of getting in trouble, but this is the way to prove Yuki's innocence. Eru: You're sure we won't get caught? Minoru: Our other friends got that covered for us. Eru: Umm, all right. They left the room. Rin is still at the hallway and sees Kaname. Rin: It's about time. Kaname sees Rin. Kaname: What? Are you waiting for me? Rin: Yes. I want my coconut scent bottle back! Kaname: Really? That's why you're here? Rin: Well...Yes! I know you still have it with you. Kaname: I've been using a little of it. So you are right. I got a meeting to go to. Rin: Give it back to me! Kaname: I don't have time to... Rin: NOW! Kaname: All right! Let's talk on a student room first! Rin: Sounds fine to me. At the front of the school, Retasu, Leon, Shirou, Leo, and Kyanna are there, waiting for Team Phase to come. Kyanna: They should be here by any minute now. Leo: What should we say? Retasu: We tell them their wrong doings about them getting Yuki in trouble. Shirou: And we distract them for our other friends to do their job. Leo: All right. They see the rest of Team Phase coming. Leon: There they are. They start walking to them. Hiroshi: What do you guys want? Kyanna: It's payback time! Leo: We know you guys had something to do with Yuki's suspension! Lila: Oh this again?! Hiroshi: Just leave us alone! At the intersection, Lia is heading to school, and sees Yuki coming with her motor scooter. Lia: Yuki? Yuki stops by her. Yuki: Hey Lia! Lia: Cool bike! Yuki: I gotta tell you something. Lia: What? Yuki: I got my friends to do some plan to bring my innocence to the school, so Team Phase will get busted. Lia: Cool! Yuki: Leo, Kyanna, Retasu, Leon, and Shirou are gona distract them when they arrive to the property. They are probably there by now, so you join with them and talk back to them! Lia: You got it! Yuki: Now I'm heading to my brother's college! Lia: Have fun! Yuki left and Lia starts running. In school, Rin and Kaname are in the student room. Kaname closes the door. Kaname: Let's starts our discussion. Rin: Go on. Kaname: You want your coconut scent bottle back? The thing is, you must make a condition for me. Rin: I want it back! What do you want?! Kaname: You must fight back to get it. Rin: Are you serious?! I just want it back! It's mine! Come on! Kaname: You betrayed all of us! When you were in our group, we had fun, but then you took the fun away when you quit, and you slapped me so hard! Rin: You guys hurt my best friend, and I quit because you guys are horrible! Kaname holds Rin at the wall. Kaname: That's because you've been with Yuki for too long. You're brainwashed! Rin: Seriously?! It was legitimate to see what you guys are really are! Kaname: And you won't even interfere with us! It was good that you are no longer with us. Rin: I can say the same too, after seeing the mess of your team! Kaname: Well, that's why I kept your coconut bottle so you can't have it! Rin: Give it back! Kaname: You gotta fight me over it! Rin looks down to her legs. She is lifting on her own left leg. Kaname: Otherwise, I keep it until it's empty! Rin kicks her leg and Kaname holds her knee. Kaname: OWW!!! Rin pushes her away to be freed. Rin is by the door, opens her purse and holds the perfume towards her. Rin: Give it back to me! Kaname: Oww!! What are you gonna do?! Spray at me with a perfume? I'll end up smelling nicer. Rin: Spraying massively will stink too strong! Kaname: YOU WON'T! Rin starts spraying at her. Kaname: Stop spraying me! Rin keeps spraying. It catches her eyes. Kaname: It stings! Kaname lays on the floor and Rin took her purse. She found her coconut scent bottle. Rin: Got it. She puts it inside her purse. Kaname gets up. Kaname: GIVE ME THAT BACK! She grabs her purse from Rin. Rin: Ha! Make sure you aren't late for your meeting. Kaname: You are making me late, Rin! Rin leaves the room, and so did Kaname. Kaname decides to spank her with her own purse. Rin is shocked. She turns into flames and rage on Kaname. Rin: KANAME!! STOP SPANKING ME!!! Rin chases Kaname, and Kaname tries running away from her. Kaname: AAHHHHHHH!!! Rin: I'M GOING AFTER YOU!! Kaname: I GOT A MEETING!! Meanwhile, Minoru and Eru are by the door to the bottom floor. Minoru: Not much people are here, so we should be fine. He sees Ayano walking. Minoru: Ayano. Ayano: Yes? Minoru: Do you have time to watch the door? We are gonna go there for the plan. Ayano: Okay. I'll text if someone we know is coming. Minoru: All right. He and Eru went downstairs. Minoru sees their private room door. Minoru: There it is. Eru: It has a small camera above the door. Minoru: Don't worry about it. We should be fine, I hope. They both came to the room, nervously. Minoru: There's another one here. Eru: I don't want to get caught. Minoru: Me too, but we must do this. Eru: Okay. I see the electric pad. She opens her small bag and takes out the tools. Eru opens one of the keyboard buttons and place a wire inside the hole. She looks at her phone and plugs it with the same wire. Eru: I connect it. Minoru: Cool. Outside, Team Phase are surrounded by Yuki's friends. Retasu: You had something to do with Yuki's suspension. Just admit it! Touko: Leave us alone! Kyanna: We know it's you guys! You can't lie about it any longer! Lila: You guys are in our way! Leon: Not until we hear your explanation about Yuki! Hiroshi: Do we want to get through you guys in a rough way? Lila: Looks like that's the option. Lia appears behind them, while holding her bat. Lia: I brought my bat, and I won't let you guys go through my friends! Lia walks to the front of the friends. Mizuro: Umm, don't hurt us. Lila: She's just trying to scare us. Lia: I will really bang you guys if you pass through any of us! Hiroshi: You're best friends with Yuki too. A similar girl. Lia: We know she didn't pull the fire alarm, and you got her suspended! Touko: Why do you guys care about her so much?! Shirou: She treated us with care, and showed us her talents with her passion. Hiroshi: Not the way we saw it. Yuki was never respectful to us! Touko: Yuki was gonna be in our club and she was the chosen one! A person who would bring much help for the school and will get us fame, but she dismissed the opportunity. Leo: It was a trap after all, and she proved us about you guys being horrible! Hiroshi: Besides, she keeps interfering our plans and suffered us to the ground. Lia: Is that why you guys got her in trouble? Touko: Let us through. Lia: NO! Tell us now! Hiroshi: Do we have a choice? In the hallway, Ayano sees Kaname running and being chased by Rin. Rin: GET BACK HERE! Kaname goes to the door to the lower floor, and opens it. Rin also follows her there too. Ayano texted Minoru. In the private room, Minoru sees the text. Minoru: OH no! I gotta lock the door. He locks it, and puts a chair by the door. Eru: What?! What is happening? Minoru: One of them is running to this room. Eru shakes. Eru: I-I-I am scared. Minoru: Me to, but we gotta block the door harder while your thing finds the passcode. Eru: Okay. Minoru: Rin is chasing her down, so she can help out. He puts stacks of chairs already by the door. Suddently, they hear knocking. Kaname: OPEN UP! RIN IS OUT TO GET ME! They hear Rin from the distance. Rin: KANAME! I'LL GET YOU!! Kaname: HELP!!! She starts running in a different direction. Eru sees the passcode on her phone. Eru: I got it. She unhooks the wire, and tries out the code. The lock opened. Eru: I did it! Minoru: Nice. He sees the secret folder. Minoru: There it is! He gets it and opens the folder. Minoru: There it is! The title says about busting Yuki. Eru: How do we get out of this? Minoru: Hmm. At the hallway on the lower floor, Kaname hides in the closet, while Rin is by the closet door. Minoru texted Rin about escaping, and Rin tells him Kaname is in the closet, hiding. Rin decides to walk away by a little distance. Minoru and Eru left the room, and sees Rin. Minoru waves the closed folder to Rin, and Rin nodes. He and Eru went upstairs and closes the door. Kaname hears the door closed. Kaname: (whispers) Finally. She opens the door and leaves the closet, and gets hit hard by Rin's purse. Kaname: Oww. Rin: Gotcha! Kaname: Stop chasing me! Rin: That will teach you a lesson everytime you spank me! Kaname: I thought I heard you left. Rin: You better not be late for your meeting. Kaname: THANKS FOR REMINDING ME, GENIUS! YOU WASTED MY TIME! Rin: Then don't spank me! You deserve to get hit by my purse after all! Rin and Kaname left the floor. At outside, a lot of people are watching them yell at each other. Kyanna: We want to know the truth! You guys want to skip the subject, so that's what making you even more suspicious! Touko: Yuki set off the alarm herself! The principle proved it! Lia: We know Yuki didn't do that! Tell us the truth!! Hiroshi: How many times do we have to say this?! The school has video evidence that Yuki pulled the alarm last week! Retasu: We know they got the wrong evidence because you want to get rid of her for "damaging" your club! Mizuro: You're wrong! Let us through! They see Kaname walking out from the building. Hiroshi: KANAME! Yuki's friends looks behind and sees Kaname. Leon: Kaname? Kaname: What are you guys doin--Wait! You guys were here this entire time?! Touko: Yes. They are blocking our way and asks us the same question about Yuki's suspension. Kyanna: They are not going anywhere! Kaname: So who was in our ... umm ... place? Yuki's friends are in shock. Retasu: Oh no. Hiroshi: You mean our... old room? Kaname: Yes! I was chased by Rin and... well someone was inside and locked. Shirou: Rin was chasing you? Kaname: Don't spank her. She can be scary. Lia: Serves you right. Hiroshi: Guys! Was are you guys planning? Leon: Us?! Lila: Yes! You guys! Leo: Trying to get you guys admit the truth about Yuki. Mizuro: I... Lia: You guys still have your club room? I thought you guys were forced out to empty the club room! Hiroshi: We were using it for today while no one will notice. Kyanna: Hmm... Seems suspicious. Mizuro: NO! The room should've been opened, but looks like you guys have something! Hiroshi: Tell us! Yuki's friends are not comfortable about them being suspicious about their plan. Retasu asked Leon. Retasu: Should we? Leon gives a concerned look to her. The crowd wants to hear the secret that both are hiding once they heard all of this.

Next Chapter: The Truth While the plan is still taking effect, Minoru and Eru heads to the office to get more proof and wants to show their evidence to the principle. Meanwhile, Yuki's friends and Team Phase debacle have everyone concerned about what truth will be revealed. You guys may guess the results, or may turn differently. Tune in next time!

#yukisstory

[outletggdbshoes-blog]

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[athena-minervaa-blog]

Dear Ari, Oh how the time has passed since we have last spoken.. last had any fourm of contact. I can't even remember the last time you tucked me into my bed, or the last time you had battled away all the darkness through the years.. I can't hardly remember your voice when you would tell me things will be alright. Nor can i hear the words "i love you." anymore. I can't recall the feeling you always gave me with your delicate touch; nor could i really care. The moment i had needed you most to catch me, you let me fall. I fell right through your "loving" grip that you had promised me would always be there. I fell right past the brother that i had thought i knew. At first i was hurt, angered by your actions. I hadn't understood why you had chose to hurt me the way you did. I couldn't began to understand why you made me walk alone to this terrible path. You blew out the only light that had lit my tunnel in life... But that's alright. I eventually learned how to survive. Your "little owl" spread her wings and learned to grow up. The monsters that had use to haunt me soon became my only friends. They guided me through the dark void that you had left behind. They filled the shoes that i never thought would grow empty. And they mended my broken heart that you had destroyed. The monsters beckoned to many names.. but Revenge had been the one who pulled me the most. Revenge was the one that had managed to pick me back up, and stand me on my own two feet. It made me realize that i can live without you; to /win/ without you. Your absense made me realize how strong i had become. It made me realize that i truly was better off without you. So thank you, for walking away from me. Thank you for not thinking i was worth a second thought. You were always my greatest heartbreak; but at least i know that losing the thing that meant the most to me.. i can still learn how to breathe. Your "little owl" might be broken, she might have strayed from the path that you had invisioned. She may be the person that you despise the most... but she had learned to manage. She learned to spread her wings.. and she learned to grow up. I wish you the best with the bottom of my shattered heart. And maybe one day, you won't be just a stranger with a familiar name. Yours truly, Little Owl

[readbookywooks]

An Historical Survey

"THE medical experts have striven to convince us that the prisoner is out of his mind and, in fact, a maniac. I maintain that he is in his right mind, and that if he had not been, he would have behaved more cleverly. As for his being a maniac, that I would agree with, but only in one point, that is, his fixed idea about the three thousand. Yet I think one might find a much simpler cause than his tendency to insanity. For my part I agree thoroughly with the young doctor who maintained that the prisoner's mental faculties have always been normal, and that he has only been irritable and exasperated. The object of the prisoner's continual and violent anger was not the sum itself; there was a special motive at the bottom of it. That motive is jealousy!" Here Ippolit Kirillovitch described at length the prisoner's fatal passion for Grushenka. He began from the moment when the prisoner went to the "young person's" lodgings "to beat her" - "I use his own expression," the prosecutor explained - "but instead of beating her, he remained there, at her feet. That was the beginning of the passion. At the same time the prisoner's father was captivated by the same young person - a strange and fatal coincidence, for they both lost their hearts to her simultaneously, though both had known her before. And she inspired in both of them the most violent, characteristically Karamazov passion. We have her own confession: 'I was laughing at both of them.' Yes, the sudden desire to make a jest of them came over her, and she conquered both of them at once. The old man, who worshipped money, at once set aside three thousand roubles as a reward for one visit from her, but soon after that, he would have been happy to lay his property and his name at her feet, if only she would become his lawful wife. We have good evidence of this. As for the prisoner, the tragedy of his fate is evident; it is before us. But such was the young person's 'game.' The enchantress gave the unhappy young man no hope until the last moment, when he knelt before her, stretching out hands that were already stained with the blood of his father and rival. It was in that position that he was arrested. 'Send me to Siberia with him, I have brought him to this, I am most to blame,' the woman herself cried, in genuine remorse at the moment of his arrest. "The talented young man, to whom I have referred already, Mr. Rakitin, characterised this heroine in brief and impressive terms: 'She was disillusioned early in life, deceived and ruined by a betrothed, who seduced and abandoned her. She was left in poverty, cursed by her respectable family and taken under the protection of a wealthy old man, whom she still, however, considers as her benefactor. There was perhaps much that was good in her young heart, but it was embittered too early. She became prudent and saved money. She grew sarcastic and resentful against society.' After this sketch of her character it may well be understood that she might laugh at both of them simply from mischief, from malice. "After a month of hopeless love and moral degradation, during which he betrayed his betrothed and appropriated money entrusted to his honour, the prisoner was driven almost to frenzy, almost to madness by continual jealousy - and of whom? His father! And the worst of it was that the crazy old man was alluring and enticing the object of his affection by means of that very three thousand roubles, which the son looked upon as his own property, part of his inheritance from his mother, of which his father was cheating him. Yes, I admit it was hard to bear! It might well drive a man to madness. It was not the money, but the fact that this money was used with such revolting cynicism to ruin his happiness!" Then the prosecutor went on to describe how the idea of murdering his father had entered the prisoner's head, and illustrated his theory with facts. "At first he only talked about it in taverns - he was talking about it all that month. Ah, he likes being always surrounded with company, and he likes to tell his companions everything, even his most diabolical and dangerous ideas; he likes to share every thought with others, and expects, for some reason, that those he confides in will meet him with perfect sympathy, enter into all his troubles and anxieties, take his part and not oppose him in anything. If not, he flies into a rage and smashes up everything in the tavern. (Then followed the anecdote about Captain Snegiryov.) Those who heard the prisoner began to think at last that he might mean more than threats, and that such a frenzy might turn threats into actions." Here the prosecutor described the meeting of the family at the monastery, the conversations with Alyosha, and the horrible scene of violence when the prisoner had rushed into his father's house just after dinner. "I cannot positively assert," the prosecutor continued, "that the prisoner fully intended to murder his father before that incident. Yet the idea had several times presented itself to him, and he had deliberated on it - for that we have facts, witnesses, and his own words. I confess, gentlemen of the jury," he added, "that till to-day I have been uncertain whether to attribute to the prisoner conscious premeditation. I was firmly convinced that he had pictured the fatal moment beforehand, but had only pictured it, contemplating it as a possibility. He had not definitely considered when and how he might commit the crime. "But I was only uncertain till to-day, till that fatal document was presented to the court just now. You yourselves heard that young lady's exclamation, 'It is the plan, the programme of the murder!' That is how she defined that miserable, drunken letter of the unhappy prisoner. And, in fact, from that letter we see that the whole fact of the murder was premeditated. It was written two days before, and so we know now for a fact that, forty-eight hours before the perpetration of his terrible design, the prisoner swore that, if he could not get money next day, he would murder his father in order to take the envelope with the notes from under his pillow, as soon as Ivan had left. 'As soon as Ivan had gone away' - you hear that; so he had thought everything out, weighing every circumstance, and he carried it all out just as he had written it. The proof of premeditation is conclusive; the crime must have been committed for the sake of the money, that is stated clearly, that is written and signed. The prisoner does not deny his signature. "I shall be told he was drunk when he wrote it. But that does not diminish the value of the letter, quite the contrary; he wrote when drunk what he had planned when sober. Had he not planned it when sober, he would not have written it when drunk. I shall be asked: Then why did he talk about it in taverns? A man who premeditates such a crime is silent and keeps it to himself. Yes, but he talked about it before he had formed a plan, when he had only the desire, only the impulse to it. Afterwards he talked less about it. On the evening he wrote that letter at the Metropolis tavern, contrary to his custom he was silent, though he had been drinking. He did not play billiards, he sat in a corner, talked to no one. He did indeed turn a shopman out of his seat, but that was done almost unconsciously, because he could never enter a tavern without making a disturbance. It is true that after he had taken the final decision, he must have felt apprehensive that he had talked too much about his design beforehand, and that this might lead to his arrest and prosecution afterwards. But there was nothing for it; he could not take his words back, but his luck had served him before, it would serve him again. He believed in his star, you know! I must confess, too, that he did a great deal to avoid the fatal catastrophe. 'To-morrow I shall try and borrow the money from everyone,' as he writes in his peculiar language,' and if they won't give it to me, there will be bloodshed.'" Here Ippolit Kirillovitch passed to a detailed description of all Mitya's efforts to borrow the money. He described his visit to Samsonov, his journey to Lyagavy. "Harassed, jeered at, hungry, after selling his watch to pay for the journey (though he tells us he had fifteen hundred roubles on him - a likely story), tortured by jealousy at having left the object of his affections in the town, suspecting that she would go to Fyodor Pavlovitch in his absense, he returned at last to the town, to find, to his joy, that she had not been near his father. He accompanied her himself to her protector. (Strange to say, he doesn't seem to have been jealous of Samsonov, which is psychologically interesting.) Then he hastens back to his ambush in the back gardens, and then learns that Smerdyakov is in a fit, that the other servant is ill - the coast is clear and he knows the 'signals' - what a temptation! Still he resists it; he goes off to a lady who has for some time been residing in the town, and who is highly esteemed among us, Madame Hohlakov. That lady, who had long watched his career with compassion, gave him the most judicious advice, to give up his dissipated life, his unseemly love-affair, the waste of his youth and vigour in pot-house debauchery, and to set off to Siberia to the gold mines: 'that would be an outlet for your turbulent energies, your romantic character, your thirst for adventure.'" After describing the result of this conversation and the moment when the prisoner learnt that Grushenka had not remained at Samsonov's, the sudden frenzy of the luckless man worn out with jealousy and nervous exhaustion, at the thought that she had deceived him and was now with his father, Ippolit Kirillovitch concluded by dwelling upon the fatal influence of chance. "Had the maid told him that her mistress was at Mokroe with her former lover, nothing would have happened. But she lost her head, she could only swear and protest her ignorance, and if the prisoner did not kill her on the spot, it was only because he flew in pursuit of his false mistress. "But note, frantic as he was, he took with him a brass pestle. Why that? Why not some other weapon? But since he had been contemplating his plan and preparing himself for it for a whole month, he would snatch up anything like a weapon that caught his eye. He had realised for a month past that any object of the kind would serve as a weapon, so he instantly, without hesitation, recognised that it would serve his purpose. So it was by no means unconsciously, by no means involuntarily, that he snatched up that fatal pestle. And then we find him in his father's garden - the coast is clear, there are no witnesses, darkness and jealousy. The suspicion that she was there, with him, with his rival, in his arms, and perhaps laughing at him at that moment - took his breath away. And it was not mere suspicion, the deception was open, obvious. She must be there, in that lighted room, she must be behind the screen; and the unhappy man would have us believe that he stole up to the window, peeped respectfully in, and discreetly withdrew, for fear something terrible and immoral should happen. And he tries to persuade us of that, us, who understand his character, who know his state of mind at the moment, and that he knew the signals by which he could at once enter the house." At this point Ippolit Kirillovitch broke off to discuss exhaustively the suspected connection of Smerdyakov with the murder. He did this very circumstantially, and everyone realised that, although he professed to despise that suspicion, he thought the subject of great importance.

#BrothersKaramazov

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this nyquil needs to work faster,,,,,

#fuckfuckfcukckckm #this would be as terrible if i still had an absense i could still use #but nooo #i cant do any of my work so i use them up so i can have an extra day tO NOT DO IT #killll mee