#this was just. the kinda affection that'd be normal from someone who actually cares for you. which is why it's so treacherous. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blackstarchanx3new · 9 months

Text

Creations AU, But I obnoxiously over explain it PT 4

Pages 91-120

NO I WON'T SLEEP TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

OH OH

I WANT SOME MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE-

Lmfao Michael I know you love your dad but does he abuse you or not? He does.

He flip flops on that it seems...

Ennard is obviously upset Michael would rather hang out with a FIIIIILLLTHY HUUUUUUUMAN.

People REALLY did not get Ennard's character on webtoon so let me go into another rant if you will:

People saw this scene, of emotional manipulation and putting someone down and went

"Ooooooo Ennard's JEEEEAALLOUUUUSSSS!~"

Bro.

What are you five? Like actually? The lack of emotional maturity and awareness about just how fucked their dynamic is genuinely ASTONISHED me.

This isn't cute or silly. Ennard is being abusive and he KNOWS he is.

Ennard DOUBLES DOWN on the verbal abuse claiming literally no one other than him will understand Michael.

This isn't from a place of understanding either. This comes from a "I want to trap you with me" place.

This isn't a "Even if nobody else does, I will always have your back."

This is "Nobody other than me likes your stupid ass don't leave me or you'll have no one"

Ya know. Abuse.

Also no I'm not addressing the obvious.

I had to sit through SO MANY PEOPLE not noticing the obvious...Yall gotta sit through me being cheeky about the obvious thing going on here. :)

Alright fine.

I'll mention it fuck.

Michael has beautiful very normal eyes- UwU

Coming from THAT scene, we jump into one where Bonnie and Michael are hanging out. Because we've established they are friends too.

Haha Bonnie why are you blushing?

BONNIE.

BONNIE WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING.

They're a little zesty that's all-

Is it one sided? Are they fucking boyfriends? Who knows...

Look the straight people have comics where the entire cast is straight.

Every single one of my comics the entire casts are queer that's just how it is-

Gayness aside: Michael seems comfortable around Bonnie:

We can deduce this from MANY THINGS:

He shared his interest of plushies, something he immediately hid from Mike out of shame, WITH BONNIE.

He runs up to hug Bonnie, William had to force a hug out of Michael so maybe Michael doesn't hug everyone?

He's shared his past with Bonnie

He ONLY met with Mike because of Bonnie's nudging so he trusts Bonnie's judgment.

Micheal jests here but it's obvious this shit comes from a place of genuine concern considering how Ennard is lmfao.

Bonnie continues to be an absolute chad because if you haven't noticed he IS my favorite character in the FNAF 1 arc. He is a devine entity with no flaws.

No we're not talking about his smoking, he is perfect. He's being enabled leave him be- Also he's a robot who gets no ill affects from it lmao

Also yes the screens are showing LOZ and animal crossing stuff hah. I liked LOZ even back when I made these pages. We had no idea what that'd evolve into....

Bonnie also references the other Freddy from Circus Rentals again, who we saw a glimpse of earlier.

Also him and Freddy ARE good friends. Okay.

From this interaction we can gauge a lot about why Bonnie and Michael are close:

Bonnie isn't controlling or possessive, he cares about Michael's interests and helps him indulge in them.

He's the opposite of Ennard.

Bonnie, is a pretty good friend.

Michael's wording here is very interesting.

Bonnie's the absolute best friend. He can tell when the vibes are off. He's upfront about shit. He knows Mike HAS some kind of alter motive and doesn't really hide that from Michael. But also acknowledges Mike's kinda just fucked up right now and probably needs some support.

Also people were confused as fuck why the claw machine/Bonnie is sparking

He's skipping using tokens or smth on the machine by messing with it's power. I thought that was obvious as hell but what do I know.

Because Bonnie's a bad boy.

It is also amusing Ennard is Michael's designated daddy therapist and Bonnie is Michael's Ennard therapist. Though who's to say if Bonnie doesn't know about William's shit considering there's a LOT we don't know about Michael and Bonnie's relationship at the moment.

If you're FNAF savvy you'll recognize a lot of characters in the claw hah.

anyways Bonnie again tells SOME stuff about other people without telling their stories for them. What Bonnie left out of Michael's story will be very apparent as we go on.

Something cool I just like about Bonnie: Bro just wants both of them to be happy. He considers both of them his friends and thinks them being friends could help each other out.

Bonnie's just a bro. True to his word he's nice to just about everyone. Even someone he started off on rocky footing with.

Despite Mike's weird behavior Michael is determined to actually be a real friend to him.

So Mike's rambling but the shit on the walls is 100xs more interesting than anything he has to say rn.

Specifically the FNAF rap lyrics being on the wall. X'D

Also a bunch of Freddy doodles are seemingly mocking him.

My favorite just might be "MEOW! YOU'RE A LITTLE MEOW MEOW!"

Anyways what Mike is talking about:

William with blood on his hands is humorous because his own faults led to his kids dying.

The Bonnie panel is pretty self explanatory.

Bonnie's possessed by someone, presumably the "Jeremy" he specifically asked about earlier on.

Something to note: he asked if Bonnie knew anything about Jeremy's death. As if Jeremy's death isn't CONFORMED.

This leads to the conclusion: Jeremy's body was never found.

So Mike's mission here is becoming more clear: Find out who's putting people in robots and why, find Jeremy.

This is smth Webtoon struggled to comprehend: This series does NOT spell stuff out for you. You gotta build an understanding by paying attention. You can figure a LOT out just by reading what the characters say closely.

Hehehe...That might not be true...You are the guy who carries around a giant kitchen knife at all times aren't ya? ;)

Or maybe he just means innocent people...

This isn't the first time Mike's been an unreliable narrator/protagonist and he only continues to be as the series goes on. Something people also STRUGGLE to comprehend:

Protagonists aren't always "Good people"

Mike is a morally grey person. As are MOST of my protagonists.

Mike bribes Bonnie with his vices and manipulates people. But he's not exactly a BAD person per say. He isn't TRYING to hurt Bonnie or Michael. He doesn't have ill will towards most people.

Something HAS made itself very clear though: Mike has nothing to lose.

Mike is acting the way he does because he presumably: Has nothing and no one.

And he's in a very dark place mentally. The man has seemingly no support system when it comes to keeping him from NOT trying to off himself at a place he has AWFUL history with. So there's that.

Even further: Freddy's is established to be DANGEROUS. Mike acting the way he does makes a lot of sense considering he is basically a lamb being thrown into a lion's den of "you can't trust anyone". The way he acts keeping people at arms distance and not being too genuine with anyone makes a lot of sense considering ya know: The owner is most likely murdering people for his sick robot fantasies and he for sure could be next.

Having said all that he does bring up a good point: What WOULD be the goal of putting people in robots be?

If you've been paying close attention you probably already know the answer to this or are coming to your own conclusions. I will avoid saying for now tho. ;)

Considering Mike's words...It's WAAAY more than just this "Jeremy" person who's gone missing though.

The "You" he's talking about here is clearly Jeremy.

PARANOIA PARANOIA PARANOIA EVERYBODY'S COMING TO GET MEEEEEE-

WELCOME TO THE MIND FUCK-

Alright enough joking. Shit's going down for the second time and we know the one behind it. Mr. Funny yellow bear in the cyan jacket aka "Fredbear"?

Shit never seems to go right with him around.

The goofy doodles continue to mock Mike as he comes to this realization, the drawings becoming more sinister and oozing blood.

This is a reference to one of the scenes in the Silver eyes book/graphic novel by the way because I love referencing FNAF shit in my doofy FNAF comic.

Ya see this shit is what I meant by "I like horror in my comics"

The writings continue to mock him because they're awful.

The lyrics from the FNAF fan song "Run run" are amusing to me. XD

"Lmao you tripped" and "watch your step" - GF

are also funny.

These show that despite this being a tense scene for MIKE, the one behind this is laughing their ass off at his terror.

Also a poster of the Golden Bear trips him. Because reality is a joke.

Weirdly this bear is not wearing the same get up as the one we saw stalking Mike earlier in the comic...

Weird.

Guys gals and pals.

This is buildup. :D

The fucking boarders of the comic are oozing, SOMETHING IS COMING. Mike's so scared he just sits there and cowers for a moment, he's terrified to turn around.

I woulda shat my pants so ya know. Kudos to Mike for not doing that.

The giant bloody head is just disturbing but there's some oddities with this that we'll get into later~

I really wanted this horrific mouth to show how fresh and sticky that blood be.

Like ew.

Mike's trauma really just on full display here.

The repeating "Remember to smile" will be familiar to those who have heard the FNAF 2 phone calls (I think it's from FNAF 2 it's hard to remember. X'D)

"Remember to smile, you are the new face of Freddy Fazbear's pizza"

Easter eggs: The poster of Freddy tearing his own head off is the poster you can see while trying to spawn Golden Freddy in FNAF 1.

This bear walking is warping he floor to look like Fredbear's family dinner.

Also uh, he's a headless figure...

But is the floating head...HIS HEAD?

Also the poster mocking Mike while he cries is so hilarious to me I'm sorry I'm mean to my characters.

Mike was apparently coping with his trauma well before coming here, assumably so much so he decided he COULD come here.

Seems Mike had to mentally prepare himself to come back to this place after seeing the bite, but also Jeremy's disappearance here.

Huh, normal hallway.

Must be all good now! :D

You know you're screwed when a poster is laughing at you.

The giant head is just lurking...

Mike just resigns to asking for this nightmare to stop.

This situation is like, straight terrifying though:

You're trapped, can't leave just walking aimlessly down a looping hallway with the symbol of one of your worst memories just behind you at all times. It's not outright attacking you, just lingering making sure you're aware of it's presence.

It's like an actual nightmare.

Yeah singing a little song will help buddy.

Oh hey, Cyan jacket Yellow bear is there amongst all the others...Funny.

Oh he's pissed now.

Nothing is working. Coping mechanisms ain't working here.

Ngl the "WHAT" panel makes me laugh.

It's so absurd.

Mike is still under the impression this thing is haunting him because of his in-action.

Hehe wait-

Those teeth aren't like the one from befoooooooore...

Mike's so fed up with this.

Also the titular "It's me" line from FNAF 1 and, everywhere in the series. I had to include it.

Mike's just exhausted.

Bro is beyond exhausted at this point.

Also notice how he mentions "The dark"

you afraid of the dark Mike?

Bro's having mood swings like crazy. Not that I'd blame him I'd be pissed off if this ghost was just taunting me like this too.

Seriously tho- Mike you cracked that door with that punch is your hand okay????

Also we can note something about Mike: he's apparently right handed, or at least leans on using his right hand.

Yes that's relevant. X'D

Oh hey, Cyan jacket bear is back.

How long has Mike been putting up with seeing this bear ghost?

Huh. So even Mike notices the difference...

Mike I wouldn't touch that thing-

Mike. You stopped going to therapy!?

Apparently in the past he couldn't feel this bear. So he HAS seen it before in an alerted mental state.

And oh no it's got him-

Big ol bear hug! :D

OH. LORE.

Stuff we know but conformed for sure.

Bear is listening.

Oh. HELLO THERE. HE CAN LAUGH.

Mike's confession is real funny apparently.

Considering ALL the notes/drawings on the wall, this character is kind of a sadistic ass so this reaction makes sense.

So: They share a birthday how cute.

Oh.

That terrible day was on Mike's birthday lmfao. Ouch.

Mr. Cody bear does this to people A LOT. Often enough he knows how they usually REACT anyway.

Also there's a typo ignore that i'm not gonna fix it lmao

Aaaand the "Mike is a freak" gag comes back once again. XD

Meaning he's been watching Bonnie and Mike talk to each other...

Stalker.

He's been stalking Mike in general since he entered the damn building.

Creepy.

Oh my. Oh dear.

Lore.

Why does everyone pat Mike's pretty head????

So Cody wasn't tormenting Mike because of a vendetta: He's just an ass.

He also doesn't want an apology showing he's got SOME emotional maturity to know it wasn't Mike's fault. This kind of maturity shows off even though he might have DIED as a child, he is not STILL a child. This is in stark contrast to a character like Ennard who keeps a childish mentality towards others.

Josh Afton was the one wearing the "Foxy mask" and inadvertently killed his own brother.

WOOPS. IT WAS JUST A PRANK BRO.

Seems Cody isn't over that...Getting pissed Mike even brings up his brother. Possibly angry Mike even KNOWS that much about him?

Cody just leaves.

Mike is terrified to be left alone, he'd rather hug the bear who's been tormenting him than be alone.

They take a peek back into the room and it's darkness is OMINOUS.

Cody's eyes also flash red when he's angry or annoyed, hold onto that detail.

And with that, THE IMAGE LIMIT FOR ONE POST HAS BEEN HIT.

Hope ya enjoyed the show so far we'll pick up again when I finish my blabbing.

#fnaf au #fnaf comic #fnaf fan comic #fnaf fan art #fnaf creations au #fnaf golden freddy #golden freddy #mike schmidt #fnaf michael afton #fnaf ennard #michael afton #bonnie #fnaf bonnie #fnaf puppet

21 notes · View notes

punkranger · 2 years

Text

Things will likely change, but made these mostly to keep track of things myself for replays so I'd say these attributes are for like chapter 3-5. Also putting some more thoughts under the cut

These are just some explanations on some of the stats I gave them as well as some general thoughts on their characters.. in like a weird mix, idk I'm just writing things as I think of them

Alder: They're very much in the process of changing disposition when they return.. "home", so that's why there's a lot of arrows around the place - during their exile they became very apathetic, but coming back they're starting to get angry and vindictive as well - possibly thanks to Freedom's influence, but also getting back just put the light on how bad things had been before and brought out a lot of repressed feelings. But their passion is still 0 because like.. they might lash out occasionally, but they'll usually not keep it up and just revert to being apathetic. Speaking of, I put their confidence as pretty high despite this, don't remember exactly why now because they definitely step back a lot from leadership and such these days.. I think it's still something that's a bit ingrained and not fully beaten out of them though, so if they actually got around to caring about something they would have the confidence to attempt to achieve it - and ofc they still have abilities that most humans don't so they'd feel pretty confident against them, both in battle and conversation.

Monroe: He hasn't really changed much, before the exile or after, so for now his stats are pretty static, we'll see if things change though. Oh yeah, I was thinking about his priorities and him caring about praise/other's opinions and fame.. those are complicated, I'd say he cares somewhat about the general public opinion but mostly about what people he respect think about him, he doesn't have to like them and it doesn't have to be exactly something positive - like having the Overseer see him as a threat would be a positive thing to him. Also debated filling in "fun" because I don't think everyone appreciates his humour... but I'm sure there's always someone so I guess I'll give him that. Debated about his cooking skills for a while too, but figured he'd have been shit at it to start with but as he learned to handle his powers he became very good at sensing/controlling temperature so I figured that'd be an advantage.

As for the stats themselves, most I think translate pretty easily from the in-game stats like charisma and strength (though I put them pretty low because there's room to grow, but obviously they'd be much more powerful than a normal human still), health I just imagine as pretty high because the Commander is put through a lot but somehow survives... Things like beliefs were a bit tricky though, I kinda went with it as "things they find important/worry about" (though Alder definitely believes in luck, or specifically bad luck and that they have a lot of it). Also, I put them both as gullible not so much because they believe just what anyone says, but there are a lot of people who try to manipulate them and as a result they have to either trust no one or believe people who might not seem trustworthy (they also don't tend to have much choice), in Alder's case it's also because they don't really give a shit, while as for Monroe he just craves affection and attention. Oh yeah, the beauty stat? No idea what to put there, like that's very subjective and I did these as more of how they actually are/are perceived by others than as how they see themselves so?? Like I'm sure there are some people who find them attractive, most probably find them scary and a lot of the time they haven't had a bath/changed clothes for months so like that's not gonna help.. idk that's a weird thing to have on a character sheet. Hygiene is also very situational, but Alder probably spends a little more time on that considering their long hair.

#the deathless demon #alder dyvine #the painted phoenix #monroe campion

3 notes · View notes

hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong · 3 years

Text

The kids pt 2

BB: we're back all you weirdos that enjoy senpai's blog! Here again to show you the kiddos with this convoluted lore dump of post Chaldea life for senpai and his family!

Mari: please, stop talking in such a stupid way...

BB, ignoring her: a lots happen since the last time we did this! We even learned where lovely lil Maria's name came from. And daaaaww, wasn't that a sweet story?

Ed: BB, can we please get started? Sis is eyeing that water bottle and I'm afraid of what she'll do with it and our computer if you don't hurry.

BB: fine fine! Dang Mari you are just no fun huh? Anyways, just like before we're discussing the others who got a second chance at life and how they're viewed through the eyes of these two! So who first? How about, my lil darlings! The first 3 members of the Sakura 5!

Mari: why only the first 3?

BB: spoilers!

Mari: stupid. Well we've seen that Melt became a famous ice skating performer. We don't see her much but the few times we do it's pretty nice.

Ed: sometimes she acts like a big shot celebrity out in the open, but she seems more humble around us.

BB: yeah, that's melty for ya. I gave her a good amount of tsun! Have you seen the picture of her before this tho?

Mari: yeah... pretty weird. Why did you give her huge blades for legs and no hands?

BB: I guess it's just a part of my twisted lil personality!

Ed: and you wonder why Mom wants you gone from our computers.

Mari: and Lip seems happy, she's found love with someone, and her partner seems to truly love her. So that's nice.

Ed: and she's changed even more from before. No huge metal claws and a slimmer body.

Mari: again, wtf BB?

BB: pls stop asking me questions.

Ed: and Protea is also happily in a more normal body then before. But for her it was just too big.

Mari: she still acts like a Kaiju sometimes.

BB: yes, those three are in such happy lives. As their mother I'm so happy for them.

Mari: stop lying or I'm pouring root beer all over the computer.

BB: do not! Moving devices is a pain in the ass!

BB: *sigh* anyways, whose next? Hmmm... what about lil miss Gorgon?

Mari: we don't see her much, the only times we do she's forcefully dragged by mom and her friends.

Ed: and she's always hiding her face and such. She has self esteem issues for some reason.

BB: yeah, and those reasons are called "Stheno" and "Euryale"

Mari: such shitty sisters. Where do they get off messing with 'Dusa about her height?

BB: who knows?

Ed: she isn't even that tall... mom's taller and she's never self conscious.

BB: have you not heard the heaps of praise your father gives her about that?! It's so much I get sick hearing it!

Mari: oh be quiet! What I wouldn't give to have such a beautiful relationship!

Ed: woah! This is the first time hearing you say something like that!

Mari: ...well yeah... when I was young I kinda did that silly kid thing of being grossed out by their affection. It was so much I honestly thought they overdid it in front of us just to mess with us. But growing up... and seeing them still like that and the old videos from Chaldea and how everyone else talks about them... that's real genuine love! I hope one day to find a partner like that.

Ed: yeah, I'm so happy we were born into a genuinely loving family! Sometimes I hear stories of kids born because their parents thought it'd save their relatives, when they should've gone to therapy or something instead!

BB: this conversations nice and all but can we get back on topic? It's almost time for you to walk the lil mutts.

Mari: right... now who?

BB: well speaking of mutts, what about that lil dog Lobo?

Ed: lil!? He's huge! Biggest wolf I've ever seen!

Mari: and they said he was bigger back in chaldea too! Like holy crap!

BB: yeah, he got huge.

Mari: now he's at this wolf sanctuary and seems to be fine with humans now.

Ed: yeah, and he's found a nice mate again. White just like La Blanca!

Mari: you think he used his grail wish to be reunited with her? And she's the same wolf?

BB: why wouldn't that be cute? Anyways, let's do one last servant. Hmmm... actually! Why don't you talk about your dear 'ol mother?

Mari: mom? OK, I guess technically that'd fit.

Ed: well after she reincarnated she became a famous luchadora! She was an unstoppable force in the ring!

Mari: yeah, she was unbeatable! Never suffering a single defeat for her whole career!

BB: buuuuut! She retired! Care to say why?

Ed: well... after she became pregnant with us... she had to leave the ring.

Mari: and... the responsibility of taking care of us didn't allow for time to return to fighting... so she hasn't come back since.

BB: yeah, that's the thing about childcare, it can get in the way of other things.

???: BB, you better not be messing with the children!

Mari: oh hey mom!

Ed: what's going on?

Quetz: it's time to walk the dogs, come on your father's already outside!

Mari: crap! Sorry!

Ed: we're going now!

After the kids went out, Quetz had more words for the ai.

Quetz: you just can't help but try to mess around huh?!

BB: all I did was tell the truth! Can't control their reactions!

Quetz: do this again and I'm burning every device you've been in! I don't care if we lose some data, you're gone if you go too far!

BB: fine! Don't need to take it that far!

Quetz: this is you were dealing with here

Rex, from outside: mi corazon! Come on!

Quetz: coming!

Quetz then goes outside to join the family

A/N: more of the kiddos. Along with what Quetz got up to in between this and Chaldea. BB can get a bit too Mischievous at times.

Tags

@hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @hasnightingaledoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong @nureenarts @kierakaz @valiantstrawberrymilk

#fate grand order #quetzalcoatl #wife #rexcoatl #rex #mastersona #maria #eduardo #bb

11 notes · View notes

pokefanbri · 3 years

Text

Im still fucking fighting, i keep telling myself im not gonna let go & Fuck everyone else who thinks I should. But sometimes there's the opposite, im just lost & idk what to do....hes not gonna come back...so why should I bother to keep fighting 😔 If someone asks me...

Are they worth it? Absolutely. Because theres always room for improvement & growth, & we've been doing that apart for ourselves now for 7months. Did they give u the respect and attention u deserved? Are we not more valuable than that? Hell no & hell yes lol. Look I was happy just doing that for him but yea when it came to me honestly it was like nah im good 😒 & i know how fucked up it is that id go along with his selfishness but I did. I did deserve better & he knows I did... i just didnt wanna lose him & did anything he needed me for... but I ended up losing him anyway 😔 theres a reason why u work on that kinda shit & grow together as you go so everyone is happy, its fair to say we both lost sight...I was eager to learn everything about him cuz I wanted to be closer...but I was blocked out & pushed away, he wouldn't open up & talk to me or show feelings for anything, even of me when he used to all the time...like he was scared of being too attached or didnt want to get hurt..he didnt trust me or was afraid to show his true self or show any emotion that'd be viewed as weak due to the typical be a man complex. Idk I was confused & didnt know what was needed to help fix things so yea i walked on eggshells & me showing affection of my own free will was out of the question most of the time...I couldn't touch him unless he wanted me to & rare occurrences for my own satisfaction. Its the reason why I cried all the damn time, I felt avoided & unwanted because my own attention lacked pretty badly. How tf do I love a fucknugget bobblehead like that lmao, cuz I dont give 2 flying fucks he was my man ok! & being close enough to him made me happy enough I guess, I still looked at him like he was my world even if I wanted to slap him for making me feel so lonely at the same time. I admit his needs came b4 mine, he liked it more that way & I took care of him more than I did myself. But if he had more effort to take care of my needs in turn & I were happier than I was, & us happy at the same time, then maybe I wouldn't be so hard on myself...cry all the time & smoke like a chimney 🙁

I still don't fully understand why he held back, communicating with me on a deeper level is supposed to be natural & pretty much all normal couples show an appropriate amount of affection & understanding to eachother....but it was kept burried...was he afraid id hate him, judge him, make fun? No, id love him even more! Idc how dark he may think he is or whatever past bs he's gone through or even if he was lying about anything...its okay it can't hurt u anymore dear & we can overcome it just tell me what it is thats lacking & let's fix this. Id say "sit down babe, tell me everything, whats on your mind, what can I do to help 😊" & id give him the most gentle kiss on the forehead. I'd do anything to see a smile from that face & it makes me smile too. I want to help him, he needs somebody to hold just as much as I do cuz the fact of the matter is babe, he's just as broken as I am, we both need someone to put back our pieces & become whole again...after we try doing it solo it can only go so far b4 u want that physical presence of another again to help u more so. He keeps everything bottled up & especially didnt let me see what was happening to him I had no clue, if he didnt like talking to anyone he at least had me but still kept me away from him, whatever it was festered in him & he changed his whole demeanor toward me, he became colder & shut me out for good 😔 Making me feel even more unwanted. We didnt help eachother through our problems & I really wanted to, I wanted to save us for the longest time way b4 the end. Idk maybe if he put in as much effort & we knew how to function better together instead of a Corolla with just 2 wheels then we'd probably be fine...& our suspension wouldn't be dragging on the asphalt 😂 Its not all on him for fault, I take equal amount of responsibility, we failed eachother, we didn't know wtf we were doing & 9/10 it was just friends with benefits with only 1 of us in love & attached, & the other not really caring with side pieces to chat with 🤷‍♀️

U know what 🤬 They're right, he's right, & now I'm actually starting to accept it the more I write. Maybe just maybe,HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME AT ALL. Im still upset and frustrated. To answer the question again from earlier no maybe he's not worth it. I suffered through his bs and 10fold heartbreak afterward!! If he can't own up, right his wrongs & bring us both peace then no he's not worth suffering for afterall, and ive been loving the wrong soul this whole damn time 😣 He kicked me to the curb cuz he a fucking coward! He cant admit his wrongdoings, ask for forgiveness, say im sorry or actually put the tiniest bit of effort into a relationship to make it work, but instead disposes of me so he wouldn't have to confront any of it & just continue on like nothing happened are fucking kidding me!!?? I thought u were smarter than this, its beneath you to just run away & pretend I never mattered to you when we both know I did!!!....& im crying again. Im still feeling the betrayal apparently, ill never be able to trust him fully again anyway, let alone other men now. I dont hate you, I love you very much. But I hate the evil from you that you've shown me. I should've known honestly, I was naive to see all types of disrespect but this was the worst part. I still love him but i do deserve better than that & I hope he's changed his ways. Trust a guy with a high track record of ladies & a handful of em in their hand..what u think 🤔 can trust be gained back? Can I get over the bad uncalled for lying shit he's said about me to other women to make himself look better? Idk 🤷‍♀️ I haven't been able to rest without closure for so long, but enough is enough im making my own. You're absolutely right, you'd just manipulate me further, I thought maybe we could be better than before...round 2 at some point in the future...but maybe we're not salvageable after all. Thats up to u, I did everything I could, but now if u were to ever come back idk if I'd jump into your arms or slam the door in your face, I just dont know. Its better that I try never speaking of u again, or think of you for as long as I can so that I can heal better....cuz loving you even after the fact is tearing me apart & making me lose focus on what matters more, myself. I fought valiantly as long as I could, 7 months is a long time to not shut up about u lol.. maybe you've been hearing me I wouldn't know. I have to force it or ill never be able to, ill still silently grieve but as much as it hurts, Its time. U were my rock, an asshole but a good one, the best gamer I got to know, a boss at alot of things, with the cutest lil butt, & somehow the love of my life. Other than maybe something valentines or anniv related in Feb ofcourse....Ur getting what u wanted, I have to do whats best for me now, I have to let u go. I held on for so long but Im really tired & emotionally drained, im just torturing myself when i need to stop, im defeated, nobody won anything, everyone got hurt in 2020 why should our relationship be any different, id say we gave it our all be we both know we didnt. This hurts me so much to do, like my heart is breaking again. Bye babe, I love you with all my heart. 💋💞 💟

I tried to do what I could but if he left, I just gotta try to move on. If I take him back, I gotta consider how that's gonna look like & if I really got past the damage he did....obviously theres some I still haven't 😔 Its what im telling myself while trying to move past this. Others going through the same...We're in love and they ain't. We can't control their actions but we can control our actions. Im not a toxic person..only to myself, I love with all my heart, nobody bothers to understand...they just judge

0 notes