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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 6 years

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Hey! I'm having trouble figuring out whether I use Fe or Fi. I know I'm a feeler, and I know I'm on the Ne-Si axis, so I'm either an xNFP or an xSFJ (leaning E for both of them). But there are certain things I do that are correlated with Fe, and certain with Fi, and it just gets confusing. So, I don't have much of a problem befriending people with different beliefs than me. Actually, I have no problem with it whatsoever. I would never in my life end a relationship or unfollow someone, even, (1)

Just because they have a different moral standing than me on something. I'd never TELL someone to unfollow me for something like that, either - which is something I've seen Fi users do a ton. It's just annoying to me. I don't think people are defined through who they're friends with. Another thing about me is that I tend to not get involved in things related to morality/feelings unless they affect me directly. If I feel someone (besides me) is being treated unfairly, I prefer not to step in (2)

Or get worked up about the situation, because 1) I might not know the full story, 2) it isn't my problem and I don't want to make it my problem, and 3) I really don't care if someone is offended as long as it isn't me lmao. Or as long as the reason they're offended can't be tied back to me. I have a pretty strong focus on authenticity. I can easily tell when someone's being fake/acting like someone they aren't, and this can easily push me away from people. I have a strong focus on people's (3)

perceptions of me and I always feel the need to live up to people's standards of how I'm expected to be (or sometimes I like to behave in an unexpected manner to confuse them haha). A lot of my self-perception comes from what people have told me about myself, and I tend to seek out help from others to tell me about myself a LOT. I'm bad at figuring out who I am without others telling me. And I seek a lot of general social interaction due to this, too. I like to figure myself out through (4)

How I interact with other people. I get nearly nowhere sitting in my room thinking about who I am unless I go out and actually experience stuff. It just helps me figure it out better. I know you don't like statements like these lol, but I would say I do have a good sense of how other people are reacting to what I'm saying and I can tell when people don't wanna talk to me anymore. I guess it's having good emotional intelligence? It's helpful bc I usually know when I'm getting cringy and (5)

When people are getting annoyed with me. Whether I choose to keep going after that or not is very dependent on the situation and I actually often tend to keep going. But I always kind of -know- when I SHOULD stop, and I just don't always choose to stop. Another thing about me is that I always have some sort of level of discomfort expressing my emotions outwardly. Like, I would NEVER cry in front of someone I'm not super close to. Or even the ones I am close to. I like to imagine people's (6)

Reactions when I'm alone in my room, crying, but I never really muster the courage to actually EXPRESS stuff and I like to use indirect ways of expressing the way I'm feeling (passive-aggression is my go-to, but I also like ignoring people, acting differently around them, etc). Anyways, sorry if this was long haha! I LOVE your blog and feel free to ask me if you need any sort of clarification on anything!

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Hi anon,

Short answer: ESFJ

Going through:

No difficulty befriending people with different beliefs tends to be Fe in that high Fi users tend to strive for consistency; specifically telling people to unfollow is more Fi and usually high Fi (high Te users may want to break of contact for said beliefs but they’ll typically either unfollow themselves or block depending on the situation).

Not stepping in seems like a young Fe user response, namely “I don’t want to rock the boat and get involved in this conflict if I’m not already involved,” whereas Fi users are more likely to see things as being applicable to themselves, even if indirectly.

For authenticity, Fi users are primarily concerned with their own authenticity, not that of others (they are sensitive to hypocrisy in others which has some overlap, but isn’t the same).

The fact that your understanding tends to come from other people is also a good sign of having Fe rather than Fi; getting nowhere without actual interaction also provides some evidence for you learning through experience and therefore being a high Si user.

I appreciate that you actually used a different statement than “Good at reading people” because what you said is valuable - Fe users are typically better good at understanding how the audience is reacting and when to leave. The reason I dislike the term “good at reading people” is because that’s such a general term - you get Fi users who are good at understanding very specific motivations but have no idea that the person they’re talking to is bored out of their mind and has been trying to leave for 20 minutes or that they’ve spilled information that makes other people uncomfortable; you also can get Fe users who are great at picking up social cues from their audience but aren’t good at understanding when someone is an exception (someone else, and I can’t remember who, said that Fe users are good at providing the general ‘comforting’ behavior, but if someone doesn’t respond well to whatever form of comfort they provide, or is upset about something strange, it all falls apart).

The more I see it the more I think emotional openness, while more correlated with feelers, has a lot to do with confounding information like enneagram and cultural background and upbringing as well so I try not to type off that.

The rest is the negative side of immature Fe, namely passive-aggressive behavior and behaving in a manipulative manner, rather than honest confrontation. Which isn’t to say Fi users can’t engage in these behaviors but they tend towards extended callouts rather than hinting towards the problem without communicating it.

#mbti #esfj #typing #Anon ask #answered asks

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