#this is truly not really a babel post but whatever we mention it twice (2)

[kindlespark]

The experience of being Chinese diaspora but only knowing English as a first language is universal and insane. I love that babel toys around with that feeling a lot.

Not to mention the feeling of both being ashamed of not knowing and also that weird feeling of offense that it's an expectation for you to know but then you're like wait- why do I feel offended that someone would think I would know Chinese and the answer IS racism - but it's also like do I have biases or embarrassment that one would think I know Chinese? That I'm Chinese, that I would fall into the stereotype of what they think of me. And then it's this horrific feeling of not wanting to be made fun of, but not wanting to be ashamed, and wanting to know it for legitimate cultural reasons, but not wanting to be pointed at as a spectacle if you do know it. And this is the insanity of living around mostly white folk.

There's a tragedy to being cut off from language that is so important to culture, and how much of that are you allowed to claim when you're made a stranger to it. And then it's an infinite loop of self doubt, awareness of racism, and insanity.

for sure! diaspora of colour face the kind of racialisation from both in our communities and out of them where our languages and our cultures/existences as poc are entwined. we're foreign. whereas european diaspora don't get the same judgment for not knowing french/german etc. but there also is privilege in living in an english-speaking country with your native language being english; poc with accents from their home countries are racialised significantly more

like all asian diaspora art majors i have a lot of old angsty writing about not belonging anywhere and not knowing my language and the shame and alienation that comes with it. im also diaspora of a diaspora; my parents are chinese-malaysian, and now we're in australia. it's easy to feel like a watered-down version of my cultures, or to feel like i'm made out of things that i am Not. not to even mention how being queer factors into that lmaoooo

for me it was easy to be like, if you have to spend time learning your own culture, is it really yours? but the answer is yes! like rereading my old writing makes me giggle a bit because since then i've spent more time with asian diaspora here, seeking out queer asian communities, reaching out to my family outside of australia, learning chinese. it's incredibly healing. in the scene where robin first meets ramy, babel captures that feeling of your walls going down when you meet another poc so unbelievably well. it's why i don't take the romanticism of it as a soulmate-ism on robin or ramy's part (even though it is also because they're gay). i've felt that feeling a thousand times! asian diasporic culture isn't any less authentic, it's its own thing. you're not alone anon!

#babel #this is truly not really a babel post but whatever we mention it twice (2)