#this feels a little rushed but im not sure what else to add T_T

[spaceyflowerswriting]

Can you write something where Jake kim finds out his partner is not eating and selfhärming but try’s to help her through it? It’s ok if you don’t want to write this, sorry if I made you uncomfortable

gentle (jake kim x reader)

details: angst oneshot with some fluff at the end, gender neutral reader written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and jake have been dating for a while

summary: jake wishes he noticed the signs of your state sooner, but he's just glad he can still be there for you.

warning: reader is described as starving themselves and self harming. the most explicit detail is mentions of cuts.

a/n: thank u for requesting! dont worry about requesting something heavy, i just hope i wrote it in a way that isnt insensitive ;_;

×

(all hidden under a cut because of the sensitive material)

"Please tell me the truth." Jake gulped, moving over to block the doorway when he saw you take a hesitant step forward. "Please." His voice softened, brows furrowing downwards as he looked at your lip, which began to quiver.

Your eyes were glossy, and they did not match the small smile you plastered onto your face. "Jake, it's not what you think--"

"Then tell me. Please tell me what's going on." The suspicion Jake had for a while that was slowly starting to look like a truth made him sick with horror. He didn't want to believe it, but the evidence couldn't be denied anymore, not even at your word.

"I..." You stumbled over your words and trailed off, and when you finally came up with an excuse, it was barely believable. Every second your smile became more strained.

Jake shook his head and held a hand out, saying your name. "I want to believe you, I swear, but you sound so unsure of what you're saying and you... you haven't explained the..." He found himself unable to say what they were, as if by doing so, his fear would become true. But it seemed like it already was. "On your arms," he settled for instead. "And the small blood stains on your sleeves."

Your crossed your arms as soon as he mentioned them, clutching them. This time you just stayed silent and stared at the floor.

"And you can't deny that you haven't been looking as happy or healthy as of late. The last time we hugged, you were a lot smaller than I remember. I don't think I see you eating as often, either."

Again, you stayed silent.

It did nothing but confirm Jake's thoughts, and soon he found his eyes welling up with tears like yours. He couldn't stop to think, words spilling out of his mouth as soon as they entered his head. "Why are you doing this to yourself? And for how long? Why didn't you tell anybody? Why didn't you tell me?" He grew shaky, his voice desperate but not angry. You remained motionless. "I--We--The others and I, you know we love you, right? We can always provide support for you and if you're going through something like--"

"It's not that easy!" you snapped, nearly making Jake flinch. "And I know you and Big Deal care, but it's not--" Your arms tightened around yourself as your voice hitched. "It's not that easy." More and more tears spilled from your eyes until you had no choice but to wipe at them with your palms. "I don't know what it is either. Or maybe I do. I don't know. I don't know, okay?"

Jake frowned, mainly in disappointment at himself for not being able to provide the comfort you needed right now. He could only piece together in a quiet voice, "I'm sorry for raising my voice. I just--no, nevermind." He took a deep breath, though it did little to help his state. "We should calm down, okay? I'm here for you, let's talk this through."

When you made no reply, he stepped forward and in that moment, you ran right past him. Although shocked, he managed to grab your wrist just in time.

"What are you--"

"Let go!" you sobbed, refusing to look at him.

More panic arose in Jake. "I don't understand--"

"It's none of your business, okay?!"

"But--"

"Will you please just let go? I don't..." You were hicupping and roughly trying to brush away your tears with your free hand. "I don't want to talk about it. How about that? Just let go, please, and leave me alone."

There was nothing Jake wanted more than to just give you a hug but he didn't want to agitate you in your current emotional state. Slowly, he slipped his hand down yours and you pulled away. You didn't run off right then, taking a moment to continue wiping away tears, but to no avail. Eventually you began walking off and Jake stared, even after you left his sight.

After a moment, it was as if everything came crashing down on him and he dropped to his knees, his palms nearly digging into his eyes as he sat there and sobbed. A storm of regret ran through him.

"I fucked up," he stammered, quietly repeating it until to himself until he couldn't anymore.

~

He should've seen them. Even if they weren't obvious, even if they were that minoscule because you hid them so well, Jake should've seen the signs. He cursed himself for not being able to, for not helping you sooner, for being in denial. Despite that, he knew he shouldn't be thinking about how miserable he felt when you were the one who needed warmth and sympathy, but when he confronted you three days ago, you ran off.

It had been stressing him out ever since, but he was thankful you at least sent back a reply saying you were fine when he had Brad and Lua go looking for you. Plus, you were still making the small effort to occasionally respond to his texts to say you just needed space. He still stuck close by, of course.

Just like before, he wanted to trust you, but he wanted to be there, too, in case you did anything drastic.

~

"So... this is awkward."

Jake perked up from his desk at the sound of your croaky voice, and looked up to make eye contact with you. He couldn't help but notice how puffy and tired your eyes looked, but he still flashed a little smile as you glanced away. "No, not at all. Did you need something?" He set down his papers, clearing his throat and trying to appear as casual and open as possible. "I'm, uh, I'm always here for you."

You nodded absentmindedly. "I know."

"Okay. Good."

There was an awkward silence afterwards, and the elephant in the room was very much present--Jake wanted to bring it up, but he was afraid you might clam up again. He understood the first time he rushed you out of his own overwhelming worry for you, and now he wasn't sure how you'd react to a more gentler approach. It would be better if he just waited for you to say something first, right? But what if you never did?

Before the anxiety in him grew worse, you gestured vaguely before dropping your hand and then sighing. "I'm... sorry for being distant." Your voice cracked, and Jake felt his heart breaking into a million pieces. It was awful to see someone lovely like you, even if you weren't his partner, be in this much pain. "And for... worrying you."

"Don't worry, I understand. You don't need to feel sorry for anything. And you know I'm sorry for all the insensitive things I said then." Jake was still hesitant on what he wanted to do, but instead of walking on eggshells, he took a deep breath and decided to just ask. "Do you feel ready to talk about it now?"

You shrugged. "Not really. But I felt guilty knowing how much I hurt you so I figured I'd at least come see you."

"Ah..." Jake awkwardly chuckled. "It's fine, I promise. I took zero offense in your actions."

"Thanks." Your reply was dry, but it's wasn't as if Jake expected you to be enthusiastic or anything.

More awkward silence passed. The two of you were looking off to the sides. Jake's mind was still running a mile a minute while trying to figure out how to proceed the conversation.

After a moment of debating questions to ask, he went on to confess something instead. "I don't mean to make this about me, but this is my first time helping someone with something... uh, like this." Jake moved his gaze back towards you. "So if I do anything wrong or insensitive like before, I really want you to tell me how to correct it, because I want to be the best I can be to help you through this." He quickly added, "I mean, I'll do my own research and stuff, too, of course, but... you know. I just want to make you comfortable and make it clear I only want to help. Even if it means giving you space or shutting up or something."

You were still looking away. When the corners of your lips tilted upwards a little, Jake sighed in relief. "You always mean the best. I would never assume you're trying to hurt me, or anyone for that matter."

He beamed at you. "I'm glad." His smile softened when you finally made eye contact with him again. "And, hey, since you don't feel like talking about it yet, is there something I can do for you at the moment? Distract you, maybe?"

Apologetically, you bowed your head slightly. "No, sorry. I'm just... working through it right now."

"No, no, it's fine!" Jake tried to say reassuringly, waving his hands. "I'll be here as long as needed."

Your smiled widened. "I appreciate that. Really."

Jake nodded, still smiling. He began to stand up, only to awkwardly halt and then ask, "May I hug you?"

He felt his cheeks turn a little red when you stared. The embarrassment only increased when you began to softly laugh, shaking your head. "Yes. Yes you can, Jake."

"You..." He huffed, putting his hands on his hips. "I just wanted to make sure, okay?"

You just hummed as you held your arms out. "I know. And it was very sweet of you to ask first."

The slight pout on Jake's face quickly turned into a grin. He strolled over and enveloped you into a warm hug, sighing in content when you did your best to return it. It was only three days, but he missed the feeling of you in his arms.

"Can I say something?"

Jake snapped out of his mild haze. "Anything."

"Thanks for not leaving me even though you saw me at probably my worst."

Your quiet voice and your words gave Jake more heartache. He wished there was something he could do to instantly help you, but he knew it wouldn't be that simple.

In response, he lightly tightened his hug on you and said, "You don't need to thank me for that. But since you did, you're welcome." He paused for a moment. "I'll do my best to support you, always. I believe you can make it through this, and any other tough times in the future."

You nodded into his chest and Jake finally felt like everything was going to turn out just fine.

#lookism x reader #jake kim x reader #requests #this feels a little rushed but im not sure what else to add T_T #anyways damn my latest jake works being sad as hell... i need to write sumn goofy with him soon 😭