#this could be the same universe as cujostody but doesnt have to be so im not tagging it that

[duchi-nesten]

Cuddle Couch

Summary:

Valerie just wanted to buy a new couch to replace the one Cujo tore to shreds. She didn’t know babysitting her boyfriend in a furniture store would prove so difficult.

Word count: 4418 || AO3 Link

Silly Gray Ghost for Shiptember prompt: Dumbass x The Only Braincell! :]

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Valerie’s life was going great. 

No, really, for once it actually was. Or at least as great as a college student who’s barely getting by can have it. 

She decided to go to a small college in the next town over from Amity Park. To be close by in case of a more hostile ghost attack, even though most of the dangerous attacks stopped after Danny became the Ghost King. Something about the ghosts being scared of causing trouble in the king’s liar. 

The few regulars who still liked to show their faces around the town got handled by the Fentons, who got way better and more humane at ghost hunting ever since they found out their son has been the ghost boy all this time. It took them a while to get used to that, and Valerie honestly couldn’t blame them. She herself had to come to terms with the fact that she was hunting down her high school crush for two years. 

Now they were both twenty and dating for a good four years. Since the ghost attacks declined, Danny decided to join her in college. They trusted that the Fentons would call them if a bigger threat showed up in town, so they rented an apartment together near the campus and lived a mostly peaceful college life with their ghost dog, Cujo.

A ghost dog, who lately got very interested in finding out what their couch tasted like. She absolutely blamed Danny for that. He always used the cushions when play-fighting with Cujo, either as punching bags or shields against Cujo’s jump attacks. There were already many teeth marks and rips in the cushions, and it was only a matter of time before the dog got interested in consuming the entire couch too. His eventual success in this endeavor led to the problem that Valerie had to face right now.

“Val, look! They have the meatballs! Like in the memes! We need to get them!”

She and Danny were currently entering an IkeaTM, in search of a replacement couch for the one that Cujo tore to shreds. 

She sighed internally looking over to her excited boyfriend. Sometimes it really felt like she had two puppies to take care of instead of one. His eyes were shining with excitement –literally, there was that ectoplasmic shine to them whenever he got too hyped up about something– and she was sure that had he been in ghost form right now, his spectral tail would be swaying uncontrollably, seemingly wagging.

He was pulling at their connected hands, half dragging her to the meatball stand. Valerie shook her head, trying hard to force down the smile creeping up onto her face. 

“We can get some meatballs after we find a couch, okay?” She told him, turning his attention towards the furniture part of the store instead. “But only if you behave.”

“What? I always behave.”

She gave him a pointed look.

“Okay, I usually behave. But can you blame me?” He let go of her hand to stand in front of her and gesture around them dramatically. “It’s a furniture store, Val. Furniture stores are exciting!”

“Yeah, when you’re like eight years old, not twenty. Don’t act like you’ve never been to one before.” She said, shoving him in the direction of the living room areas of the store. As they walked Danny kept observing everything like it was the first time he’s seen things like a wooden desk.

“I might’ve as well been eight last time I was in one, okay?” he explained, his hand reaching out to touch one of the desks, but Valerie quickly caught it in hers and steered him back in the direction they were going in. “My dad got us banned from every furniture store in the 50 mile radius of Amity Park. Apparently the Ikea furniture isn’t ectoplasm resistant enough for him.” 

Valerie stopped in her tracks, turning to look at him sternly.

“Please tell me you are not banned in this store.”

He shrugged in response. 

Great.

She resisted the urge to groan and instead turned back around to continue walking. If the Ancients were on her side today, no one would realize this supposed-to-be-adult was the child of Jack Fenton. She just prayed he wouldn’t do anything stupid enough to get a ban of his own (which would probably result in her getting banned along with him).

She loved Danny very much, but he really took after his father a lot. And he could be such a child sometimes too.

“Hey, hey, hey Val.” Danny said from behind her. She turned back again to see him standing by a big wooden closet, holding the door open. “Watch me hide in here and scare the next old guy who walks by.”

Case in point. She glared at him unamused. “Danny no.” 

“Okay, then we can both hide in the closet, but you can’t blame me for what happens next.” He sent her a wink combined with the worst Flynn Rider impression she has ever seen.

She slapped him.

“Ow, what was that for?” He whined dramatically. “You know I’m joking!”

Valerie glared at him for a while longer, before sighing and dragging a hand down her face. “Can we just focus on getting the couch, please? I still have math homework to do for tomorrow.” 

She continued their walk through the bedroom areas. The living rooms were finally in her sight now and Oh Ancients there were so many. She heard Danny following right behind her. “Val, you have intro math, that takes like…literally no time.”

“Yeah, maybe for you asshat. You don’t get a say in this, you didn’t get the shit teacher this year.” She made a point of not looking at him this time. The arguing would only slow them down. They could multitask arguing and getting a couch.

“Awh, but Ms. Rekdal lets you guys cheat.” Of course, Danny decided that no eye-contact would not do and caught up to her so they could walk side by side, literally forcing himself in her view. “Didn’t she already post the answers or something? Just copy those.” 

And fine, maybe he was right. Her stupid math teacher decided it was a great idea to share full answers to their assignments three days before the deadline, which meant that the majority of her classmates most likely did copy them. Heck, when Danny had classes with Ms. Rekdal last year, he didn’t even look at the assignments before the answers were posted. But he actually understood math. She couldn’t do that, she was too responsible for this. “I need to do it myself, or else I won’t understand the material and will inevitably fail the exam.”

As she explained that to him they finally reached some living room spaces. There were a lot of different couches there that immediately stole all her attention. Looking closer at the information on one called VIMLE, she almost didn’t hear what Danny said next.

“I can always overshadow you and write your exam for you.”

She whipped around from the VIMLE to yell at him. “COUCH, DANNY.”

“Right, right, okay. Couch.” he raised his hands in a sign of surrender and actually started scanning the furniture with her. 

Valerie huffed and went back to checking out the couch she was looking at. It was a sectional with three seats, one of which was designed for lounging. Some sort of smooth black material which was surprisingly soft to the touch covered the cushions. She braced herself before looking at the price and… yep, one thousand and nine hundred dollars. That would not do. 

She noted the prices on the other couches surrounding her. A soft gray three seater with a bunch of cute pillows. One thousand seven hundred and fifty dollars. Another sectional, this one in cream white colors and material that looked rougher than the cheapest kind of toilet paper. One thousand six hundred and forty-nine dollars. A two seater in faux brown leather that was so shiny Valerie was sure if she sat on it her butt would slide right off. One thousand seven hundred and ninety-nine dollars. 

Why the hell were couches so expensive? Finding an affordable one was going to be so much harder than she had first assumed.

Between her and Danny, they didn’t really have much money. She worked a part time job at a little corner cafe right beside campus, and while it was way nicer and more cozy than her previous job at the Nasty Burger, it barely paid any better. Danny helped out with his parents’ business, which definitely bloomed after ghosts proved to be real. With his ghostly expertise, he was very good at assisting in their research or helping develop some new inventions and they made sure to pay him accordingly. 

Unfortunately, all of this income combined with both of their student loans was still only barely enough to get by. They could afford some cool stuff from time to time, but a couch worth seventeen hundred dollars was way too big of an expense to spend at once.

“Hey Val, check this out.” Danny’s voice brought her out of her musings. She turned her gaze in his direction where he stood over a couch, which was similar to the first one she looked at. The only difference was the stiffer material and the fact that it was blue. “This one is called an ektorp.” 

She made sure to give him the most unamused expression. “And?”

He sent her a broad grin back. “That reads like ecto RP. I think we should get an ecto roleplay, Val, we’re really good at those.” 

“Do you want me to slap you again?”

Could someone please remind her why she loved this idiot? It was hard to remember sometimes. 

Clearly Danny was going to be of no help. Valerie looked around and spotted an IkeaTM worker, who was clicking away on a computer at a desk station close by. Bingo.

To make sure she didn’t lose Danny, she took his hand in hers once more, her fingers briefly brushing over the silly bracelet he always wore. The one she made him when they were younger. She had a matching one at home, made by him. It fell apart earlier today – as it tended to do from time to time, Danny wasn’t the best at handcrafts –but he promised to fix it again when they got back from the store.

A fond smile found its way on her face and she had to force it down as she dragged Danny to approach the man behind the desk. Couch first, feelings of fondness later. She needed to focus. “Uh… excuse me?”

The man raised his head at the sound of her voice. Valerie noted that his nametag read Adam. “How can I help you?” he asked, clearly using his customer service voice.

“My partner and I are looking for an affordable couch for our apartment, uh… Do you have anything…” she motioned to the couches behind them “cheaper?” 

“My wife apparently isn’t fond of the ecto-stuff.” Danny added in a fake serious tone, barely holding back a giggle and Valerie had to step on his foot to shut him up. He barely reacted though.

“Ah, a newly wed couple!” Adam exclaimed, clapping his hands together excitedly. The previous customer service tone gone in lieu of real emotions. Before Valerie could correct him or Danny could make another stupid remark, Adam started rapidly typing something out on the computer. “We have a few models that might interest you! Some ASARUM, KLIPPAN or LYCKSELE LÖVÅS!”

As Adam continued listing what appeared to be some couch names, Danny leaned in to whisper in Valerie’s ear. “Is that guy possessed or is that just swedish? I really can’t tell.” 

Valerie glared at him, but he just grinned back, clearly proud of his stupid joke.

“We also have some LINANÄS alternatives.” Adam continued unbothered.

Danny’s eyes lit up and he couldn’t hold back the giggle this time as he once more leaned in to whisper to her. “Val, did you hear? They have Lil Nas X.”

Valerie stepped on his foot again. Harder than previously. A little wince actually crossed his face this time.

“If you follow me I can show you some of those cheaper options?” Adam asked, clearly oblivious to the shit Danny’s been telling her.

“Yes, that would be lovely, thank you.” Valerie said. As Adam started leading the way, she sent a quick glare towards Danny, before following after the man.

“We have this NYHAMN model, which can turn into a bed.” Adam pointed to a very ugly, gray couch that was honestly more springs than cushion. Valerie felt her back ache just from looking at it.

“Uh…We already do have a bed, so maybe let’s just focus on the couch part.” She said, mustering her most polite smile.

“That’s fair.” Adam said, leading the way to another living room set. He gestured to the brown couch sitting by the white table in the middle of the area. “This is currently our cheapest option. It doesn’t look like much, but it has great reviews!”

It really didn’t look like much. It actually looked like nothing at all. It was very bulky, like a big piece of block, where someone carved out one corner, so it was flat enough to sit on. Valerie was sure she'd seen Danny build a better couch in minecraft.

“And how much does it cost?” She asked unsure. 

“Three hundred and sixty dollars.” The man said with a smile, folding his hands in front of him.

Well, that was at least affordable. It didn’t look like the best couch and frankly didn’t seem very comfortable either, but it wasn’t like they could afford much else if this was the cheapest option.

Sighing, Valerie turned to ask Danny for his opinion, but her heart sank when she noted that he was not there.

Oh no.

“Thank you sir!” She turned to Adam. “I’ll think about this one! I just need to find my boyfriend first.” She said quickly pointing in the direction they came from, which was where she’s last seen Danny.

“Boyfriend? Weren’t you two married?”

Before she could answer that, a random guy, donning the IkeaTM manager t-shirt, approached them. He looked sternly at Adam. “Mr. Hendrickson, I need to call you in for a meeting to discuss your social media presence.”

“Oh, double fuck.” Adam muttered, before catching himself. “I mean, of course, sir! But I’m kind of… in the middle of helping this lady over here.”

The manager guy turned his gaze from the nervous employee to Valerie. He was about to say something, but she cut him off.

“I’m fine! I got the help I needed! I’ll just… go!” she said swiftly turning on her heel and speed walking out of there.

The longer Danny was left unattended, the more likely it was that he would get in trouble.

She scanned the entire store trying to find her dumbass. She quickly looked all over in the bedroom areas, office areas and the bathroom ones. She finally stopped at a fake little kitchen that looked strangely like something out of an 80s movie. Danny would definitely make a malewife joke if he was here right now.

She pulled out her phone, ready to call this idiot when someone put their chin on her shoulder. She flinched and quickly turned around to kick whoever it was in the face, but instead she was greeted with the smiling face of her stupid boyfriend. 

“I’m getting you something and you can’t say no.” Saying that, he pulled out a BLÅHAJ from behind his back.

“Danny!” she yelled, irritated.

“Aaaaaand, just so he’s not alone…” Danny continued, showing his other hand which held a DJUNGELSKOG. “I’m getting this one for Cujo.”

“Danny, I am going to severely injure you if you run off like that again.” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

She was so ready to punch him. Or actually pull out her guns and shoot him. It wouldn’t hurt him too bad in his human form, but would definitely send a message. The only thing stopping her was the fact that she did not want to end up banned from the store like the Fenton family did.

“Can we PLEASE just focus on getting the couch? Are you able to behave for at least 10 minutes?” she asked instead. 

“I’m not a kid, I can behave in a furniture sto-” he stopped suddenly, looking behind her and Valerie had to brace herself for whatever it was that got his attention now. “Oh Ancients look at those LED lights.”

Holding DJUNGELSKOG and BLÅHAJ in one hand, he used the other one to drag her over to the colored strips of LED lights. She tried to dig her heels into the floor to protest, but he could be very strong when he actually let himself be.

“DANNY WE NEED TO GET A COUCH.” 

“Okay, but we should get some of these LEDs to put under the couch.” He gestured to the lines of boxes filling out the shelfs, every one of them with a different set of LEDs lights. “Imagine the VIBES.”

She sighed, rubbing her temples in an attempt to calm down. “Danny, baby, we can barely afford a couch.” She said in a softer tone this time.

She wasn't sure if he even registered what she was saying. His eyes were too busy studying all the different colors and lengths of the LED strips the store had available. He picked up one of the boxes and hummed quietly, before turning to look at her. 

“Did you find one that you liked?” he asked.

“I found one we can afford. It's not the best, but it should be enough.”

He hummed again, putting away the box he was looking at and picking up another one. Her patience was slowly running out as she watched him scan the box. She was about to ask him to go check out the couch, when he spoke again.

“We should get a corner couch.They’re great for cuddling.” 

Was he joking?

“Danny, those are expensive as shit, we cannot afford a corner couch.” She’s seen some of those and all their prices ranged in the two to three thousands dollars.

He shrugged at the box and tucked it under his arm, the one holding the stuffed animals. “That’s where you’re wrong!” He smirked at her, with that stupid shit-eating grin he usually only matched with the white hair and green eyes. “See, recently my parents helped me get this grant for this one research that I really wanted to do. The one with, ah you know… mapping out the nearest points of The Ghost Zone?”

Valerie furrowed her eyebrows. “You already have maps of the Ghost Zone.” And he’s had them for years. She had seen them all herself. So many folders, full of drawings, descriptions and models of different parts of the zone. Definitely going farther than just the nearest points. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“Then …what’s the grant for?”

“Currently? Our new corner couch. And these guys.” he said, raising the plushies a bit to indicate what he meant.

What.

“Wait. Let me get this straight.” Valerie said, confusion clear in her voice. “You applied for a grant… that you don’t need… so we have money for a couch?” Her eyes narrowed. “Was Cujo ripping our old couch apart a part of the plan?”

“Val, my dear, I thought we were past that whole calling me an evil mastermind thing. You should know I’m not smart enough to plan this.” he stated matter-of-factly, putting his free hand on his chest. “I didn’t know we were gonna need a couch. It was more for, y’know, personal expenses.”

“Don’t you have to document what you use those on?” 

“As long as some form of research comes out of it, they do not care.”

“You-” she was a little bit speechless. Turning her voice to a whisper just in case someone could hear them, she jabbed a finger into his chest. “Did you just steal state money?”

“They steal our money all the timeeeee. Just look at our student loanssss.” he whined.

Okay, he had a point. A very good point at that. It was questionably moral, but on the other hand it wasn’t like he actually stole the money. He had been granted it to do the research. Which he has all ready and done. The state does in the end get what they were promised, they don’t need to know the truth about the exact dates and nature of the research being conducted.

Danny clearly understood he was going to win this argument. He laughed a little, looping his free arm around Valerie’s elbow. “So…cuddle couch?”

She shook her, not being able to stop the fond smile that took over her face. “You’re so stupid. Fine.”

“YES.” He exclaimed, almost dropping the objects he was holding. “I’ve seen a cool green one. And it was also an ektorp. It would be perfect for the ecto RP consisting of me bleeding all over it at some point probably.”

“And Cujo peeing on it.” Valerie added unamused. “We really need to get on that potty training. It’s been years.” 

“He does it only when you refuse to cuddle him and you know it.”

“I have homework I need to focus on sometimes.”

He laughed again and started leading her to the couch he was talking about. 

“And you are seriously getting the plushies and the LEDs too?” She asked, taking the BLÅHAJ out of his arm.

“Fuck yeah, I’m a responsible adult like that.”

Valerie smiled and shook her head as they approached the corner couch. To be fair it did look very nice with two wide seats on each side. The light green fabric would fit well with the limited decor of their apartment and as she brushed her hand along one of the cushions, she was amazed at how soft the material was. She sat down to check if it was as comfy as it seemed. And Ancients was it the most comfortable couch she has ever sat on.

She looked at the price tag, sitting on the small table that was meant to complete the living room set, right in front of her. Nine hundred ninety-nine dollars, god damn. That still wasn’t so bad for a corner couch though. She did see two-seaters worth more than this after all. 

“I feel like I shouldn’t be letting you use grant money on a couch.” She said studying the information under the price tag a bit more. It was in fact an ektorp. A hakebo grå-grön ektorp. Whatever that meant.

“But you also want the cuddle couch?” He sent her the cutest puppy dog eyes, rocking back and forth on his feet and hugging the DJUNGELSKOG and LEDs box tightly.

She looked at him, trying very hard to muster a glare, but she knew he saw the corner of her mouth twitching into a smile.

“YOU DO WANT THE CUDDLE COUCH.”

She sighed defeated and put her head back to rest on the back of the very comfy cushion. “Yes. I do want the cuddle couch.”

“WOOOO! LET’S GO!” Danny screamed excitedly. A few of the other customers looked in his direction, probably thinking that this grown ass adult doing a little victory dance with DJUNGELSKOG was insane. He abruptly stopped in the middle of his silly moves when a serious expression came over his face. “So like… how do we buy it? Do I gotta carry it to check out or?”

Valerie couldn’t hold it in anymore. She started laughing, which quickly turned into a wheeze. The way Danny raised an eyebrow in confusion at her outburst only made her laugh more. 

“Come on, I’ve been joking all day and that’s what you laugh at?” He said, smiling brightly and letting out a giggle of his own.

Valerie stood up from the couch and came over to stand by Danny, trying her hardest to contain the laughter. “How about we just find a worker and tell them we want to buy it?” She suggested, gesturing at the couch. 

“And would milady want some meatballs after that?” Danny wiggled his eyebrows, the awful Flynn Rider impression making a reappearance. 

“Fine, I guess you earned it.” She said, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek, before walking away in the direction of the store front. “But you’re paying for the food too.”

“Oh come on! I’m buying you a cuddle couch! And Blah-hash!” He yelled after her, still smiling.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how you pronounce it. You have to pay for the meatballs, so the swedes forgive you for this crime.”

“What? No! You can’t make me pay for food, only because I don’t know swedish! I bet you don’t know how to say it either!” he defended, following after her.

“You don’t see me going around and attempting it!”

“That’s so unfair. I love you so much and you do this to me.”

He did end up making her put away the card when she tried paying for the meatballs. Her boyfriend was such a dork. But she still loved him very much, he was her dork after all. 

He was also apparently extremely bad at putting together IkeaTM furniture, as Valerie found out the next day, when she came back from school to an absolute mess in their apartment. The couch wasn’t even halfway set up and Danny was laying on the floor defeated , covered in the remains of poor Djungelskog. Cujo was standing over him with the IkeaTM hex key in his mouth, tail wagging happily. It honestly resembled a crime scene and Valerie couldn’t stop herself from taking a picture and setting it as her new phone wallpaper.

Danny confessed to almost losing a bunch of important screws and barely managing to stop Cujo from peeing on one of the armrests when he didn’t pay attention to him. He also managed to phase one of the wooden parts halfway through the wall, which he didn’t notice until Valerie pointed it out to him. How that could possibly happen was a mystery to her.

Thank the Ancients her dad agreed to come over and help them set it up. Otherwise Danny would probably accidentally destroy it.

#this could be the same universe as cujostody but doesnt have to be so im not tagging it that #kad writes #danny phantom #danny fenton #valerie gray #DP Shiptember 2023 #gray ghost