#this combination makes me think about Tuvok who is so desperately lonely and also afraid - the first Vulcan without bonds - making it all up

[bumblingbabooshka]

[Coping with Loneliness and Cracks in Control]

Ah, it’s happening again. This irritating habit of leaving the body alone But there’s no one here either. It’s youyouyou no matter how much you call. (so cavernous it echoes) so stop doing it Your mind has been cracked open over and over again with every repair the damage worsens how long? “Tuvok, how do you do it?” desperately. The Vulcan mind is a fascinating thing. Mysterious. Resilient. Much like the Vulcan people - it can survive much worse than this. “Give me all you’ve got!” because I’m empty empty empty desperately. Meditate. Sort it out. Hm? Isn’t this too much for less than half a person? I can’t live like this. What other choice do you have? [A Mind Meld - Desperately]

#Tuvok #my writing #bea art tag #-guy who's about to say some wild bullshit-.........so hear me out #Vulcans are born with bonds. They're bonded with their parents who in turn have their own bonds and it reaches back as long as Vulcans have #existed - they're a culture of bonds and telepathy who derive affection and comfort and peace THROUGH this bonds #(evidenced by the 'flame' of pon farr being 'put out' through bonding with another Vulcan) #I'm sure a great amount of control and satisfaction is derived through them. Also as I've stated before Tuvok & T'Pel consider themselves as #part of one another in a more extreme way than human romantic partners (two bodies one mind) #so when Tuvok is thrown into the delta quadrant he loses all of these bonds ('They are a part of me and I feel incomplete without them') <- #to me 'incomplete' here isn't an emotion like a human would experience it but like...literally if someone took half your brain and shot four #holes in what was left of it. If you've operated 60 something years thinking in tandem with another person then losing them would be losing #a great deal of yourself. And it's not like Tuvok has other bonds to fall on like he might on Vulcan if this occured - he's got NO ONE #he has humans and other aliens surrounding him but they aren't Vulcan and he doesn't bond with any of them telepathically but you know what #he does do?? like a notable amount?? mind melds #and also have his brain invaded by forces he didn't consent to #this combination makes me think about Tuvok who is so desperately lonely and also afraid - the first Vulcan without bonds - making it all up #as he goes along bc he has to (everyone has to) and bc he has no one he can confide in that would understand or really be able to help him #in tandem afraid of his mind being out of his control and wanting himself to feel whole again even if only momentarily - even he's #attatching himself to someone who will only worsen his mental strain (bc he has no excuse to mind meld with someone who's healthy - though #it would be beneficial to him as we see that's a treatment to trauma canonically) #Tuvok (suffering from tremendous alien forms of trauma that he keeps exposing himself to voluntarily in a move that is all at once #self-soothing and self harm): I do not require assistance. I am Vulcan. #If the writer's aren't going to explore Tuvok's inner world then listen. LISTEN. /I AM!!!!!!/ #I'M GONNA DO IT EVEN IF IT MAKES ME LOOK STUPID #I hope any of this made sense #st voyager #st voyager art #Tuvok art #comix