#this classic short shows enough that daisy is not a bitch as many show her

[popculturebuffet]

The Three Caballeros Movie Review: Rejoice Now Donald’s Been Laid (Commission)

It’s time at long last we talked about those three happy chappies in snappy serapes. Who say so? @weirdkev27​ say so! He’s planning on funding an ENTIRE retrospective on the boys, so in addition to my Tom Lucitor Retrospective (Expect that to return very soon as one of the episodes in it is time sensitive), Road to Just Us Justice Ducks, and look at “The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck”. I’m proud to announce a new recurring feature on this blog “The Ride of the Three Caballeros!”, a look back at these birds of a feather who flock together and their wild and wonderful history cumulating in “The Legend of The Three Caballeros”.  Honestly I thank Kev for the idea as it’s a damn good one. Ever since seeing them on House of Mouse, which I both really need to cover and Disney needs to add already as we’re a year into Disney plus already, I’ve loved Jose and Panchito, and reading barks story years ago, and again recently, gave me a lasting love of these goofs. They have great snappy designs are the rare pre-ducktales 2017 non duck bird character, and have wonderful personalities. There’s nothing not to love and thus nothing not to love about covering their adventures. So i’m excited for this and not just for the much needed christmas money.  Naturally we’re starting the adventure here with the founding of the trio, though Kev, for now he could change his mind, choose to start with this movie instead of it’s predecessor Saludos Amigos,  on this date for two reasons. The first is it’s Friday the 13th, which besides being the basis for an utter classic of a Hey Arnold episode

Which yes for those unfamiliar with Hey Arnold features Arnold dealing with a spell of bad luck, some bullies and his grandmother dressing up wlike a black cat to rescue black cats, which is sweet.. and training them into her horrifying army of the damned, which is somehow still sweet as it is awesome.  It’s also the day this guy barges into my house thinking it’s camp crystal lake

I swear to gods Jason GET A FUCKING PHONE WITH GPS. We are not clearly not teenagers. And he’s always so embarrassed and the stab wounds always take so long at the hospital to treat. It’s just a mess.  But it’s also, according to this film Donald’s BIrthday! This was during an earlier point in his career, that will be important in a bit, so Disney hadn’t yet settled on their tradition of having their characters birthday’s being the same date as their first appearance. For the record that would make Donald and Della’s current birthday June 7th. I did a special on Donald Duck shorts for it this year. Not sure what i’ll do the next. We will see. And for fun and my own curiosity I looked up the birthdates of some of the other Ducktales castmembers as well as my boys here They are: 

Jose: August 24th (World Premier of Saludos Amigos)  Panchito: December 21st (The Mexico City Premiere Date for this very movie) Scrooge: November 14th (Thank you INducks seriously it’s a massive help with this.  Daisy: June 7th (Debut of Mr. Duck Steps out) Huey, Dewey and Louie: October 17th (First appearance in Donald’s Newspaper Strip) Webby, Beakley and Launchpad: September 18th, thanks to launchpad’s driver’s license as well as all three characters debuting in the opening arc. Though to separate them i’d likely  try to find different dates for both. For now i’m going with October 12th for Mrs. Beakly (The airing date for the Ducktales 87 ep maid of myth) and October 29th for Webby (the airing date for another 87 episode, this one about webby and a horse).  Gladstone: August 15th, as while it was released in january there is no firm release date for it. Plus a summer birthday fits him better anyways. Thank you Inducks for that.  Magica:  September 28th, finally a firm publication date. While there’s a creation date unlike Gladstone I see no need to use it.  Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard: September 6th GLOMGOLD: July 26th Was that entirely necessary? No Would I do it again.. absolutely. It also means I really need to do something for Scrooge’s Birthday in two days. But that’s future me’s problem. Current day me has his own problems specifically a movie review to continue.  The films genesis was a in a good will tour Disney did in South America, as part of America’s Good Neighbor Policy. FDR started it in order to try and strengthen ties between Latin America and North America, to prevent any sort of war with our close neighbors and to foster good economic ties between both as well as integrate Latin culture into americans lives to make them care about those countries more. And given it was started as HItler’s rise to power grew, and America knew they’d inevitably be dragged into World War II, and thus wanted to put the kibosh on several Latin American’s Nazi Ties. So in exchange for Money, since Disney was struggling due to overextending itself and the big animator’s strike at the time, The US sent Walt and some of his animatiors to South America, where MIckey Donald and Goofy were big and to make a film based there. Hence we got Saludos Amigos which is .. kind of forgettable to be honest, though the Gaucho Goofy segment is fantastic as the “How to” shorts with goofy around the time usually were. But the film gave us Jose, hence why Donald and him are familiar with each other here, and was a moderate success. This lead to the Goverment, who’d already contracted a bunch of propaganda, one of which I covered in my Donald Duck Shorts Birthday Marathon because it contained prototypes for Gladstone and Scrooge, so another feature for South America was a win win: The US got another way to strengthen ties between the Americas, and Disney got a film they could put out during said war to lift spirits, as well as on that would likely be a hit in South America due to them not being under wartime money crunch or the misery of having a war looming overhead. As a side note. I found out after looking at the wikpiedia article on The Good Neighbor Program.. it eventually and sadly collapsed as the US post WWII shifted to the Cold War and thus threw away non interference if it meant beating the Russians. Classy.  So yeah.. this film and i’ts predecessor are technically propaganda pictures. There was also another disney full length propoganda picture about fighter jets, I only learned about this thanks to the slashfilm article I found on the movie that told me a lot of this in the first place. It’s not avaliable but it should be.. though at the very least unlike say House of Mouse, Wander Over Yonder, Penn Zero: Part Time Hero, American Dragon Jake Long, The Weekenders, Pepper Anne and MANY more, it’s absence from Disney + makes sense. And I will continue to bitch about this till Disney actually starts adding more legacy animated shows, or at least makes a few of it’s own, though I will concede reviving the Mickey Mouse shorts that Disney Channel started up is a VERY good first step and i’m sure What If and Proud Family: Louder and Prouder will be fine. I just want more animation content on the streaming platform of one of the biggest animation studios in the world with one of the most storied histories. I’m REALLY not asking a lot. 

That bit of bitching aside I will give Disney+ credit where it’s due. The service offers MOST of the Disney vault for a very reasonable price a month, in crisp HD, and thus allows someone like me, who hasn’t really dived into the disney vault and slept on watching three cabs despite borrowing it from some friends, to dive into beautiful animation like this any time. It also allows me to explore disney’s older films, the ones I want to anyway, at my leisure and it’s a REALLY nice feeling. It’s also nice to have all the various animated shows in nice clean copies. So while there are sizeable gaps in the library, many of which as highlighted above have no reason for not being there and some like Song of the South have DAMN GOOD reason for never being there, I still apricate the service for being a vast, glorious digital library of Disney content as well as stuff they’ve acquired like the marvel show library, and this review would not have been as easy to do without it. So with my opinions on D+ and the exposition for WHY this exists out of the way, as I couldn’t find much else on this flim’s background, join me after the read more for a full review of the film! Who says so? I says so! 

We open with.. the Disney+ content warning again. In my review of the last part of “Catch as Cash Can” I went on about how much I apricated it and it stands: while i’m not blind that it’s a blanket statement to cover disney’s rears, it’s still apricated for them to care enough to force the content warning on the viewer. Given how bad they usually are at falling on the right side of history, this is very admirable. Though thankfully this film isn’t as offensive as the last content warning I got for the last part of “Catch as Cash can” aka “Watch registered White Guy Hamilton Camp play a bad indian sterotype for 22 minutes while my soul slowly dies”. Here there are bits, which i’ll get to now to save me the trouble later: The Littlest Gaucho’s side characters are all drawn pretty carcturish and a bit cringe inducing. The other is of course Panchito our Mexican representative.. who wears a sombrero and shoots two pistols around. And there’s just a tinge of white man going ot another country to get laid with the way Donald behaves throughout the picture. Basically little touches here and there but nothing that spoils the picture overall or makes whole scenes unwatchable. Still worth having the warning up, but not worth getting too worked up over.  So onto the film itself and as mentioned i’ts Donald’s birthday! And I will say the film has lots of great little gags here and there.. I won’t be pointing all of them out because this film was 70 minutes long but their very charming. HIs first gift is a projector and screen.. which he naturally has to fight to get working and which first projects on his ass, already a good start. And a general thought I like is how receptive Donald is to soaking in another culture. He just seems joyusly enthralled by the various films, gifts and places his friends bring him.. 

But again we’ll get to that. Point is it’s very nice to see Disney portay learning about another culture so positively and with such a hot head as donald. Even if i’ts in part to appease the US Goverment, ther’es a genuine feeling that they truly fell in love with these countries and aren’t JUST shilling them because it’s in their contract, but because they genuinelly liked it there.  So with that we get to our first segment. See the film is one of Disney’s Package films, anthology films taking a bunch of short segments and pasting them together, but here it’s framed through the narrative of DOnald’s birthday, so there is KIND of a plot.. but it’s mostly an excuse for musical numbers, short films, and more musical numbers.

Dammit Elmo, we will get to it! So naturally i’l lbe dividing up this review into various pieces. First up...

1. The Cold Blooded Penguin: Life of Pablo, The Good Version This is a brief but endearing short about a Penguin named Pablo who dosen’t like cold weather, can relate, and wants to move to some tropical paradise, again can relate. It’s BARELY related to the theme of hte movie, celebrating Central and South America, but it’s so damn charming I can’t help but love it. And Pablo is so damn adorable, as are his friends. I mean look at him. 

He’s just so precious and you just want him to finally get to his paradise with the help of his friend, his boiler there smokey joe, and root for him as his farewell party dwindles from a bunch of penguins to just bob and gary here. 

I may love Gary, the tall one, more than I love Pablo honestly> His sad eyes or the way he’s the ONLY one who sticks it out to the end, seeing Pablo off at last. Pablo’s first attempts, going without his boiler, which just ends iwth him freezing and attempting to carry smokey joe on his back both fail, he eventually decides to go with a boat and cleverly simply saws the ice berg he’s on so it’ll drift with his house and possessions, and has Gary hit it with a bottle both to christen it and to send it flying. Plus having bags on the bags on my eyes myself, I can relate to their tired expressions. As can we all after this year. Just a month and a half and it’s finally blessedly over. 

Pablo makes his way through, finally finding his island only to nearly have his iceberg melt before he gets there. But he persevers and gets his paradise, even adorably eating a banana> Though it ends on a mealoncholy yet still funny note of Pablo missing home even though he has a pet turtle/butler now. Man I want one of those.  One final note is that the short is narrated greatly by Sterling Holloway.. aka the future WInnie The Pooh using that exact voice which while a little weird in hindsight, just makes the short that more adorable if you imagine Pooh is reading a story to you. Just a really damn cute short with some good and intentive gags, and penguins. I mean i’ll be honest I have a soft spot in my hart for those tudeoxed boys thanks to the comic strip BLoom County and it’s lead character Opus taking up a LOT of real estate in my heart and brain. Here’s a few samples of him just so you get why.  

Just a sweetheart. Though his honker would grow exponenitally with time. And once get grabbed by a card carrying MAGA asshole. But I can talk about my boy here and this strip again another day. Point is I may love pengies but even that aside this is a good short and a good way to start things off. Sadlly the pacing then lops out a bit as the next two bits aren’t QUITE as entertaining. 

2. Birds Birds Birds: Of Arcuan BIrds and Toucan Sex Donald then watches a film on birds, and i’ts basically just a bunch of short funny gags with various tropical birds. There are a FEW notable bit sin the short, and I will get to them now, but otherwise it’s just okay.. not great but not exactly memorable. I honestly forgot there was anything BUT the Arcuan bird in this bit. Speaking of which A) The Arcuan Bird, a hyperactive pink little guy who makes a little “yatatata” noise, and boops donald a bit and later shows up in the film to steal Jose’s Cigar. Easily the most entertaining part of this section and there’s a reason why he became a massive fan faviorite, as well as got a more expanded roll in Legend of the Three Cablleros. He’d also apparently later return for another Package Film. What a bird.  B) There’s a bit with Toucans, which I remember because I freaking love Toucans, the big colorful beaks look neat contrasted with their black and white bodies and they seem friendly and the one fictional one besides Toucan Sam I can rmemeber is Tuca of Tuca and Bertie. Nuff said. And because they mention the Tucan’s making love. First off this is how a Tucan makes love. 

And secondly, clealry the term has evolved considerably, but it’s still chuckle inducing to have that term in a disney movie, especially since it makes me think of a number of things most notably this. 

Which, fun fact, is the song that will likely be sung when Donald and Daisy finally have sex in the Ducktales Reboot. Della didn’t buy those choir robes for nothing. Though the joke here is simply that they can’t kiss because they have big noses. GET IT. Though I have seen incompatable noses end marriages. 

See I told you his honker got bigger. Okay onto the 3rd thing from this bit. 

C) The Flamingos, who retract into themselves while Donald adorably copies. What a boy. With that I can move on from this segement thankfully and onto... an even worse one!.. wait... 

3. The Littlest Gaucho: The Boring One  This one’s a leftover from Saludos Amigos, likely because that one already had a Gaucho Bit with goofy and because it’s not very good. But Disney was strapped for cash so use everything you got. And yes I advocated for using everything in my review of life and times part 1.. but that’s more for a shared universe and left “Oh hey I found this short in our garbage let’s put it in another movie to save money” way. I appreciate being cheap, I myself am unemployed and right now these reviews are my source of income, but you could’ve just you know.. let the film be shorter? You didn’t have to waste animation leading inito this bit.  This one is the story of a young boy, as narrated by his older self who can somehow see through the veil of time and yell at his younger self. How? 

But it dosen’t really help the story as i’ve seen far better interactive narrators and ones clearly editing history. Especially since, despite ending on a VERY sour note, How I Met Your Mother was a pro at this. It’s not the film’s fault, but even back int he 40′s I swear they could do this better. 

It’s the simple story of the little Gaucho finding a flying Donkey, befriending him, and then entering him in a jockey race which they win. There’s one or two good gags here, but it dosen’t have the cutness of the previous segments and only one or two good gags. It just feels like filler and if I watch the film again, which I probably will, I will fast forward past this. Thankfully after this we finally get a break. 

4. A Song For Bahia: They call him JOSEEEEEEEEE.. and he’s Donald

Jose enters! Donald’s next gift is a book from Brazil that’s smoking..mostly because so’s Jose. The two friends reunite, with Jose in a story book asking Donald about , what I assume is Jose’s home state of Bahia, one of Brazil’s 20 states and spelled Baia in this movie for some reason.  We then get an absolutely beautiful sequence of Jose’s voice actor singing about Bahia and showing off how beautiful the country is through gorgeous animation. It’s a really marvelous segment and really pretty to look at. And once that segment’s done the film starts to pick up in energy, though unlike the Gaucho segment, the Bahia song is actually good. 

5.  Os Quindins de Yayá: The Sleeper Has Awakened.. and by the sleeper I mean Donald’s Penis.  There’s a few bits here. We start with the wonderful song, “Have You Ever Been to Bahia?”.. which is almost entirely Jose asking that to donald who says no, with some fun mindscrewy animation.. the film has not BEGUN to mindscrew, but we’ll get to that. 

Also for this segment Jose apparently has Jamie Madrox powers.. or he’s from Cragg.. either way, Donald hasn’t been to Baia so let’s go. The boys take a train, the Arucan messes things up again, etc etc and soon their in Baia where two major aspects of the film show up: Blending Live action with animation, and Donald being really horny. It’s not to a creepy degree outside of one segment, we’ll get there, but Donald being really into live action women is a major part of three segments of this film. If your wondering while Daisy had debuted, she wasn’t the ETCHED IN STONE, presence she’d become for Donald. Which I don’t have a problem with, I love them in Ducktales 2017, their one of the few tolerable aspects of the quack pack’s i’ve watched, and they were great in House of Mouse. I”m just saying some works don’t really have her around in them (Donald’s spy and papernik adventures), while other more charming and eligible women are, while others have her as outright abusive (Legend of the Three Caballeros). I’m not against Donsy when done properly, again huge fan of the Ducktales 2017 version of the couple, I just dont’ think it has to be mandatory. The fact the Italian comics made Donald a fairly likeable alien queen as a love interest proves it. 

But yeah here Donald’s thirsty as fuck, can relate, and thus we get our next musical number.. and that blend of live action and animation. I will admit, especially on second viewing.. it’s pretty obvious their mostly using a green screened animated backdrop with the charcters on it. The other segments are much more integrated. That being said.. i’m perfectly fine with it, as Disney was on a really low budget, only able to get financing for package films like this since their main financer wouldn’t given them money for anything but shorts, so it was a workaround, not to mention having a mass talent exodus over the strike and World Fucking War II to contend with. So cheeping out on ONE segment in a large film, and STILL having it come out good is fine just fine. And it truly does, the segment centers around Yaya, a cookie seller and the object of Donald’s affections, though he gets mad when a guitar man slips in and woos her instead for a bit before eventually leaving her alone, with Donald getting a kiss. But while parts of that clearly haven’t aged well, it’s an utterly joyous and fun musical number in an already fun musical, and Aurora Miranda who plays Yaya, and is sister of Carmen Miranda something Disney actually put in promotional materials.... come to think of it I didn’t watch the trailer.. I’ll get to it in a moment. Point is, Miranda is very talented and it’s  VERY fun number. Have a listen since the sequence itself is WAY to long to put video of up on youtube. 

And having watched the trailer during that music break, it’s not bad, I expected more cringe. The most I got was them calling the women “latin american lovlies” which.. seems.. wrong. But with the romance of Bahia setting and Donald dragged out by Jose, we can get into our next segement as, over halfway in, we finally get our third Cabllero 

6. The Three Cablleros: Who Say So? We Say So!

HERE COMES THE PANCHITO Ladies and Gentleman and Others! HERE COMES THE PANCHITO! the moment you’ve been waiting for! HERE COMES THE PANCHITO! the pride of Mexico! HERE COMES PANCHITO! Panchito Pistoles! 

When then meet Panchito who joyfully shoots guns around, because stereotype but thankfully he’s also joyful, jubilant and likeable much like his pal Jose. Panchito’s just a thoughtly likeable character and next to his smooth talking pal, it’s easy to see why the two became huge fan favorites. And thus we get our title track. 

IT’s a beautiful, fun segment, that while some portions, such as Panchito’s yelling or “some Latin baby’ haven’t aged particularly well, is still a fun colorful number with amazing music and great gags, that utterly sells our boys camaraderie. I have no notes, ten out of ten flawless classic number. Who Say So? I SAY SO! Also given both boys kiss Donald at some point.. yeah these boys are bi as fuck and damn i’ts awesome. 

7. Mexico: Bored Again, Naturally.  Donald then gets a pinata and we get a short story about a bunch of kids going around to places only to be told “no shelter no posada”. Like the Gauchito bit.. it’s pretty boring and nonconesquential and only gets a leg up due to being far shorter and a little adorable versus not really as adorable as the segement thinks it is. The kids end up at a party with a pinata. We do get a fun sequence after this nothing of a story of Donald batting a pinata around while the boys mess with him a bit. It’s fun stuff.  Out of the PInata we get another storybook, and another slow segement of Panchito singing about mexico which is a less fluidly animated, and thus far less entertaining, version of the Bahia song.. diffrent song, same premise of a bird melodically and beautifully singing about his home land, but less engaging because it’s just still images. I get they were low on budget but while I can forigve that for the Yaya sequence.. this one.. I just can’t as they not only already did this, but did it less good the second time around. The song is lovely though, and I do miss a time in our culture when we looked at Mexico with fondness and didn’t have a FAR too large portion of our population think anyone from there should go back where they came when they come to our brave country to find shelter, aslym and opportunity just because they didn’t go through “proper channels’ even though that’s difficult. WHat i’m saying is fuck our immigration policy for the last 4 years, and bless the president-elect for planning to fix that ASAP. I felt it was worth mentioning in a review ABOUT a Mexican character who, in the reboot, is an immigrant to America. 

8. Everybody Dance: Another fun number. 

We’re onto Mexico and it’s time for another musical number

So our heroes dance, Donald hits on some more women.. stuff we’ve seen before but it’s still a fun beautiful song and unlike the last bit while the animation has clearly aged enough to be more obvious, it still looks great next to the various live action dancers and blends real well. A fun time that gives us more great music and another reminder from donald that...

I mean I get being thirsty as shit, again can relate.. but the next segment takes it from Donald and the Boys being kinda horny to. 

9. The Beach: Donald Gets Creeptacular

Yeah this bit is .. less endearing. The boys fly the serape over to a beach, and divebomb the girls, which isn’t a sex act.. that i’m aware of. But yeah chasing around several women, and donald leaving the Serape to chase them around old beach movie/benie hill/trying my patience style. It’s cringe is what i’m saying as a man literally chasing a woman around is considered flirtitng here and that’s all kinds of EUGGGGHHHH. The previous segments had Donald be kind of respectful in his woman chasing: while he was pretty horny, he also tipped his hat, flirted a bit, asked to dance you know, normal shit.. not decided “let’s chase them with a serape that will turn them on!’ jesus.. yeah not much to say here either just.. really creepy. But we have not reached peak horny donald yet.. oh no. 

10. Donald’s Surreal Revere: WHAT EXACTLY THE FUCK. 

Dora Luz appears in the sky of Mexico after the boys exit the book and flip to Mexico’s night life... just go with hit and Donald swoons over her before joining her int he book and after getting a kiss from her and swooning over her.. has an acid trip. I .. I don’t know how else to describe Donald’s surreal reverie. It’s clear Walt just told the animators do whatever. I will TRY to describe this sequence as best I can, but I make no promises except what I describe is exactly what happened, see for yourself.

Okay so after Dora’s magical floating kisses, just go with it, kiss donald he explodes, in a rocket blast clearly symbolizing his errection, then becomes a neon sign and a hummingbird, just go with it, tries to kiss Dora’s image appearing on a flower, then Jose and Panchito BURST out of the flower with tiny chipmunk voices and gun violence, a SCREAMING TECHNICOLOR TRANSTION, dora singing the song in the middle of a flower again , donald making out with the flower but it turning out ot be panchito with a giraffe neck saying “Some fun eh kid?”, donald falling through a sea of ladies, donald chasing the ladies on a serape. Donald’s disembodied head looking at the ladies before bursting out of the picture to chase them GOOD GOD DID WE NEED MORE OF THAT?! The boys ending up on female bodies and them some sort of horse abomination. Then we get into what must of inspiried a young david Lynch as donald kisses the flower agian, then ends up in one as they replay a creepy whispery recording of either Jose or Panchito saying pretty girls while we see still images of the girls from the beach. Hummingbird Flower Donald then has a romantic duet with a lady because WHY NOT at this point, then multiple donalds before he spins away. We get one last number with donald dancing with living cacti that turn into mini donald’s that’s slightly more sane and finally this bit is done. IN conclusion. 

I just.. I have no words. The giant mess of text up there should explain it and I purposfully didn’t divy it up as i’ve been trying to do more often, as it deserves to be one long string of nonsense. I just.. it’s beautiful to look at but what the hell was that. Is this going to happen every time Donald and Daisy have sex? Is this what Donald’s brain is like all the time? Did Panchito inject him with pure liquid acid?

So yeah we thankfully conclude the film after that with 

14. The Wrap UP The boys horse around with a bull and then heartwarmingly watch fireworks together.. there isn’t much to add it’s jsut fun to watch and a nice pallete cleanser after loosing my sanity. Isn’t that right keith david?

You always say that! So...

Final Thoughts: I’ve made my thoughts on the various segments clear, but what of the film as a whole? As a whole.. it’s pretty fun. Is it the best film Disney’s Produced? probably not. But it’s a fun, brisk 70 minutes, hampered by a few slow spots and some weird horny bits, and various segments feel like an acid trip despite having never taken acid. But our boys easlly anchor the surreality and thirst and all three have great chemistry both comedically, friendship wise and romantically. It’s also very easy to see why this film and it’s cablleros got big in Mexico and Brazil as the film seems like a love letter to both, and is fairly respectful. WHich for the time, sex tourism aside, is pretty damn inspried. So yeah in conclusion, this is a really fun memorable film, it was even better on a second watch and it’s an enjoyable colorful reminder of Disney’s package film era, which I might dig into a bit.. I just may have to borrow a copy of make mine music.. guess what just got added to my list of “why the fuck isn’t this on disney plussss?” 

Regardless this was a fun review and auspcious start to the ride of the Cablleros. if you’d like to comission your own movie or tv review, hit up my ask box or submit box or shoot me an ask to get my discord. You can also join my patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, Until then you can check this space for the various ongoing series mentioned and regular Ducktales coverage every monday. Until then, Adios, with a christmas message from my personal fourth Cabllero

#the three caballeros #donald duck #panchito pistoles #jose carioca #bahia #mexico #donsy #opus the penguin #bloom county #ducktales #aurora miranda #disney #disney plus #disney + #disney+ #comissions #ride of the three cablleros

[hannewham]

west ham 2019 field trip permission slip

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: hannah ingrid jordan MEANING: (hannah) favor, grace; (ingrid) beautiful ancestor; (jordan) descend, flow down REASONING: hannah is classic irish name her parents liked the sound of, and ingrid was—fittingly enough—her father’s mother’s name NICKNAME(S): han BIRTH DATE: november 6th, 2001 AGE: 18 ZODIAC: scorpio GENDER: female PRONOUNS: she/her ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: hetero- SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual NATIONALITY: american ETHNICITY: mainly irish

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: west ham, ct HOMETOWN: west ham, ct SOCIAL CLASS: lower-middle-class FATHER: connor jordan MOTHER: maeve jordan née mcallister SIBLING(S): keiran jordan BIRTH ORDER: twins! but keiran is minutes older PET(S): none OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: her (middle)namesake, grandma ingrid PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: many hookups. probably a middle school boyfriend and a short high school relationship before meeting duck ARRESTS?: once, but it was more of a fine & citation for underage drinking PRISON TIME?: none

OCCUPATION & INCOME

SOURCE OF INCOME: none CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: she loves not working. PAST JOB(S): she tried waitressing, but quickly got fired when her party schedule was more important SPENDING HABITS: all her money goes toward booze MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: her sewing machine

SKILLS & ABILITIES

TALENTS: sewing, clothing design, making people feel comfortable SHORTCOMINGS: musical skill, to-do lists, athletic skill LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english DRIVE?: yes. JUMP-STAR A CAR?: she did it once, with blue’s help. CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: she knows how, but she can’t physically do it by herself. RIDE A BICYCLE?: yes. SWIM?: yes. PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: she played flute for a number of years before keiran came clean about how very bad she was at it. PLAY CHESS?: no. BRAID HAIR?: very intricately, yes. TIE A TIE?: duh. costume crew skills. when the boys can’t do it, they know who to come to. PICK A LOCK?: only the lock to her mother’s painfully underused liquor cabinet.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: alycia debnam-carey EYE COLOR: hazel (green/brown) HAIR COLOR: light brown HAIR TYPE/STYLE: wavy, but often wears it straightened or blow-dryed GLASSES/CONTACTS?: none DOMINANT HAND: right HEIGHT: 5′5 WEIGHT: 126 BUILD: thin & slim, naturally fast metabolism EXERCISE HABITS: “i exercise! ... no, i don’t.” SKIN TONE: quite pale but tans easily TATTOOS: none PEIRCINGS: three in each earlobe MARKS/SCARS: a few relatively new scars on her shins, thighs, and forearms from drunken spills she’s taken NOTABLE FEATURES: long nose, full lips, soft eyes & bone structure USUAL EXPRESSION: resting bitch face CLOTHING STYLE: very fashion-forward, always wearing the next trendy outfit. she adores clothes & always wished she had the means to buy what the rich kids could instead of having to piece together the right things to make the cool new outfit. JEWELRY: always her three earrings, often a few cheap CVS rings to go with ALLERGIES: seasonal. BODY TEMPERATURE: 98.2° DIET: whatever’s available. she’s not picky. PHYSICAL AILMENTS: none.

PSYCHOLOGY

MORAL ALIGNMENT: neutral good TEMPERAMENT: sanguine ELEMENT: earth MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: alcohol use disorder SOCIABILITY: very high. loves going out & having a great time with almost anyone. EMOTIONAL STABILITY: pretty stable; she’s had to deal with a lot & has learned some coping mechanisms (thought they may not necessarily be healthy, she can handle stress & change) PHOBIA(S): mild claustrophobia ADDICTION(S): alcohol DRUG USE: more frequent than it should be. lots of weed & relatively often, party drugs. ALCOHOL USE: addicted. PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: no

MANNERISMS

QUIRKS: can’t leave the house without a “proper outfit” on HOBBIES: fashion design, drinking, smoking, fun times with blue & keiran, calm & cute times with duck HABITS: drinking too much, forgetting responsibilities, not texting back soon enough NERVOUS TICKS: her hands shake when she’s extremely nervous or scared DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: her brother. blue. duck. grizz. FEARS: their addictions taking blue & keiran from her. duck getting fed up with her baggage. never getting to have a normal life. POSITIVE TRAITS: caring, perceptive, selfless, generous NEGATIVE TRAITS: stubborn, touchy, dramatic, overzealous SENSE OF HUMOR: hannah loves to laugh and rarely takes things seriously — unless you really rub her the wrong way. she’ll enjoy whatever jokes you want to tell. DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: oh, yes. CATCHPHRASE(S): none

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: tied between drinking and designing ANIMAL: zebra BEVERAGE: tequila BOOK: “i don’t really... read. i just trust whatever grizz says are good books.” CELEBRITY: rihanna COLOR: gold DESIGNER: betsey johnson FOOD: breakfast, old-fashioned donuts; lunch, greek salad; dinner, eggplant parm FLOWER: daisy GEM: diamond HOLIDAY: st. patty’s day, of course MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: cars, as long as she doesn’t have to drive MOVIE: pretty woman MUSICAL ARTIST: dua lipa QUOTE/SAYING: “beer before liquor, never sicker. liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.” SCENERY: rolling hills & blue skies SCENT: campfire smoke SPORT: olympic ice skating SPORTS TEAM: “the west ham centurions, obviously! gotta support our boys.” TELEVISION SHOW: the carrie diaries / sex and the city WEATHER: blue skies, a few puffy clouds, and bright spring sun VACATION DESTINATION: big cities with lots to see & do

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: having celebrities wear her designs GREATEST FEAR: never getting to have a normal life MOST AT EASE WHEN: going crazy & stupid with keiran & blue LEAST AT EASE WHEN: she remembers that her father is probably losing his mind right about now BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: being head of costume crew on the play BIGGEST REGRET: that one time she told keiran something really, really hurtful MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: flashing an entire party while trying to climb the outside of a fireplace BIGGEST SECRET: how bad her father’s overprotectiveness & mental health issues are TOP PRIORITIES: her family (whether blood or adopted). namely keiran, blue, grizz, duck.

#newhamhq: task #task01

[nanyoky]

(oc questions - all - for the Mercys?)

You got it toots!

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Maxine Elizabeth and Leopold. Old family names.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

For the residents of the house, The Mercys is very much a title that’s used more often than either of their given names. Even in school their classmates probably referred to them together a lot of the time.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

Not many good childhood memories outside of each other and Charlie. Both have mixed and complicated feelings about parents. ((spoilers!!! no one cares nell this isn’t a real movie)) Leo doesn’t remember much of his biological dad except things were Not Good. Max remembers her mother, but mostly remembers her being sick and being scared at hospitals and such. Their best memories are the two of them with Charlie. They could sometimes be alone with her for days at a time and it was the most peaceful time they ever had.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? 

Not Good ™. On all counts. The exact details of the family backgrounds would ultimately depend partially on casting, but the ones I’ve toyed with most have been: Dirk is the old fashioned sort to expect his wife to care for children and for him to pat them on the head occasionally and pay for their upkeep. That never worked out so well, since Max’s mother got sick when Max was very young, then after she was gone, he was alone, then Marlene and Max did NOT get along from day one. So his and Max’s relationship was always distant and begrudging and strained. Then Marlene I’ve sort of pictured as an immigrant from somewhere- coming to the US with her first husband, then leaving him and marrying Dirk. She saw this as a lateral move at the time, but had a rude awakening upon finding that everyone in her new country sees her as an “exotic” trophy wife (she bleaches her hair but still has a strong “foreign sounding” accent). With her first husband, she was distant due to a toxic relationship and Leo didn’t receive a lot of attention. Then Marlene starting taking barbiturates and nothing ever improved. Sometimes, she would occasionally try to strike up a closer relationship with Leo, but her efforts never lasted long so he learned not to get his hopes up.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

Their relationship with Charlie is an odd mix of siblings and parents/child. The age gap wasn’t enough for them truly to act as parents, but the older they got, the more they felt responsible for her. Charlie always idolized and trusted them unlike anyone else and they had an enormous sense of responsibility to live up to this. So, naturally, they have always viewed her death as their own failure more than Dirk or Marlene’s.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

Both of them were not exactly anti-social during school, but had only small circles of friends that shifted and changed gradually as they aged. They had kind of a reputation for being “stuck up” because everyone knew they had money, but they didn’t know much else about them. Were actually pretty normal, if a little reserved from a lot of social neglect early in life. They dropped out after Charlie died and Dirk and Marlene left and never finished high school. Both were average students. Max was that kid who had a different book with them every day. Leo didn’t pay enough attention to be a good student, but he was always a good writer and pretty logical, so he got by.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? 

They always had a few friends, but none were lasting. After Charlie’s death, they deliberately cut ties with everyone they knew and moved around for a few years before returning to Duluth. None of their school friends would likely recognize them now.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? 

The Mercys have always had a cat or two. They’ve had Katherine for a couple of years now. It’s good for them to have something outside themselves to care about and look after.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? 

Both of the Mercys are pretty good with animals as they are usually pretty calm and affectionate with them.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

They are both very good with children, though they have actively avoided them since Charlie’s death. Their thoughts on the possibility of parenthood are…. complicated. When they were younger, the idea was terrifying- because of what it would mean for them. Teen pregnancy freaks a lot of people out, but they were next level paranoid. Then, after Charlie, they couldn’t bear to think about it for a long time. Gradually though, they both started to consider the idea. Part of them wants to, in a way, recreate the “family” they had with Charlie, but the idea would mean considering a child to be her replacement. Which they fully realize is fucked up. So… they sort of want a kid, but don’t want to open that emotional can of worms without some delayed grieving they really don’t have the energy for.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

They have both cut out red meat since their teens.

12. What is their favourite food? 

Max loves wild rice soup and it’s the only thing she knows how to make from scratch. Leo loves going to late night diners for waffles.

13. What is their least favourite food?

The smell of ham makes Leo gag and Max hates potato salad

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

They remember everything they ate the day Charlie disappeared. Max had the last of the cheerios for breakfast, so Leo had to make oatmeal. They had school lunch of chicken and gravy. Then they got takeout for dinner on the way home- eggrolls and lo mein from Taste of Saigon in Canal Park. They got an odd number of eggrolls and rock paper scissor-ed for the last one. Max won, but they ended up splitting it.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Nope. Thus plot and Autumn. They tried to cook between the hired chefs, but meals were absolutely heinous in those times because Anabelle used their bad cooking as just another excuse to criticize them. Mina tried as well but didn’t have any better results.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? 

Since they were became homeless as teens, Leo’s become sort of a packrat. He’s that guy that saves everything “just in case” he might need it or make it into something useful later. Max has to regularly go through all their stuff and throw out the real garbage he saves.

Max has an extensive collection of boots- since shoes are the one article of clothing they really can’t share. She also has like- twenty different silk and satin fancy slips and negligees but if you tell anyone you’re dead.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

No on all counts. Aside from drivers licences (expired now), no pictures probably exist of them past age 14.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Max is an epic adventure reader. LOTR, Dumas, you name it. Leo likes more modern lit. Realistic fantasy/scifi- David Mitchell and the like. Max loves classic films- cinema icons from 60s or earlier (their cat Katherine is for Katherine Hepburn). Leo is a total weirdo who is obsessed with live action/animation mashups. Who Framed Roger Rabbit is his alltime fave. They don’t watch a ton of tv, but when they do, it’s something weird like Pushing Daisies or something tame like National Geographic.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

They really can’t handle any of Charlie’s favorite movies anymore.

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Not much for musicals. They listen to music in the yardhouse or while they’re working out in the stables or garage. Both very much into the classics as far as rock and some old country (cash and williams and the like) but Leo also likes indie alternative rock.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Max has a quicker temper- or rather, gets angry more easily. Any little comment from Anabelle sets her seething and in a bad mood for hours. It takes a lot more to set Leo off, but he goes from 0 to FIGHT ME in no time at all. ((See: Mr. Thackary mentioning his mom))

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

Definitely “if i insult you to your face, it means we’re friends, but i can’t say it if I mean it because then it’s awkward” people. Will call each other and Autumn names all the time. Pretty generic and mild for the most part. “Dumbass” and “Bastard” and the like. Mina is a weird one because they know that’s not how she operates so they don’t want to upset her, but also she can tell they joke around with Autumn that way, so she feels a little left out. They try more gentle ribbing just to make her feel better.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Max has a terrible memory and Leo has a good one. Drives Max crazy if they ever have an argument about something that happened more than a few days ago.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

Both of them are huge babies about having a soft mattress and lots of pillows. Even in their own bed, they both have trouble sleeping sometimes. Sadly enough, it’s the good dreams that keep them awake- dreams they have Charlie back and everything is fine again. 

Leo sleeps on his back and if he’s alone- STARFISH. But when Max is there more floppy easy cuddles. Max, on the other hand, is nothing but knees and elbows in her sleep and it is a Problem.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Both the Mercys have a pretty dark sense of humor at times. Leo can be markedly darker, but also sillier in his humor, whereas max is more dry.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? 

Both usually get more comfortable and friendly with others when they’re in a good mood. If it’s just the two of them, they’re just stupid affectionate and playful. Lots of snuggles and movies and snacks and giggling like kids.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

They are sad most of the time. Max only cries when she wakes up from a dream about Charlie- Leo hasn’t cried since Charlie’s death. Max would probably fight anyone who saw her cry.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Losing one another is definitely their biggest fear now. Max tends to sort of freeze up when afraid, while Leo usually takes action in the moment, then freezes up when he pauses to think to hard about his fears.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? 

It depends on who that person is. But they have very strong protective tendencies, so they would have to REALLY hate someone to mock or use someone else’s fear.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

They stay pretty active for work, but they would never “work out” for the sake of it. They’re both pretty strong, but don’t do much in the way of cardio.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Ahhh yup. The drunk scene with Autumn is a regular occurrence if they can’t sleep or want to celebrate something. Max is more cheerful when drunk and definitely very snuggly. Huge affectionate drunk. Fun Fact: Leo getting overheated and taking off his jeans in that scene is 100% based on one of my roommates at university. When she drank, she would always complain about how hot it was and strip down to her underwear. Sometimes her head would get stuck in her shirt. So that’s drunk Leo. Max being an affectionate drunk and Leo taking his clothes off drunk means there is a lot of giggly clumsy drunk sex in the yardhouse and it is very stupidcute. They’re both pretty standard hung over- grumpy and slow. When Autumn or Mina drink without them, they go full on mom friend.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

The Mercys share the same wardrobe (aside from undies and shoes). They have picked up a collection of layers from thriftshops and such throughout the years. Max’s checkplaid coat is a prized possession. It’s the warmest thing they’ve got. When they left the house the first time, max bleached her hair a goldy-honey blond and kept dying it. But since Mina hired them, it’s been growing out ever since. She wears hats most of the time anyway, so the dark roots are barely visible, even tho it’s gotten past her earlobes. Leo has been thinking about cutting his hair again, but Max is trying to talk him out of it because she not so secretly likes it long. No makeup in years. Max misses it sometimes.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

From Autumn’s trips to the yardhouse we know this: Leo is a boxers and undershirts kinda guy, and Max is all about the lace and silk and satin. That makes it sound like this story is much sexier than it is.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Fairly fit from all the physical work, but in an average sort of way. They are about the same height-pretty average. They both have moments of vanity in between not really thinking about their own body much at all.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? 

Max and her silky intimates. Leo sometimes watches the same movie over and over again just because he doesn’t want to get up to change it. THeir relationship with one another is…  complicated. They both feel guilty and decidedly unguilty about it.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

They both have gotten pretty good at auto repair throughout the years. Max is stupid good at climbing. Trees, rocks, buildings. She sits out on the roof of the yardhouse when she’s annoyed with Leo and it is very frustrating. She’s also an amazing speed reader with high retention. If they ever need to look up how to do something, Max will read an article or book- paraphrasing outloud to instruct Leo as he tries it. Secret time: way back when he was very little, Marlene made Leo take dance and piano lessons. He hated it and found ways to skip out on the lessons pretty early on, but he still retained quite a bit. Now he just likes dicking around with weird little diy projects- fixing things and improving things around the yardhouse- making new candles out of the drippings and blunt ends of old ones.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Max reads constantly- and fast. She’ll read anything, but has a soft spot for epic adventures. Tolkein, Dumas, that kind of thing. Leo likes to read, but he’s slower and prefers quick, fun genre pieces.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

I think they admire people who have found their place and are comfortable in their lives. They realize what a rare thing that is and are struggling so much to find some sort of homeostasis, they really appreciate those who are self aware and self assured at the same time.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? 

Definitely phonecall or text people. If communication other than face-to-face is necessary at all.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Coffee drinkers. But there’s a case of redbull in the yardhouse basement for emergency situations.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Max is definitely bisexual because she and Autumn will not stop with the ust no matter what I do. These bisexuals. I can’t take them anywhere. I assume Leo is straight, but he doesn’t interact with any men other than the accountant, so this could very well be a case of my characters keeping secrets from me.

Well, the two of them are in the rare situation of finding their soulmate at a very early age, so really, the venn diagram of “qualities I find attractive” and “qualities of my partner” for both of them is pretty much a circle.

I think they get a lot of what they need from one another, but they could stand to work on their relationship and their lives outside of one another. Even when it’s fairly stable, codependency is pretty damn unhealthy.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

Goals are really just to keep one another safe and hopefully work back towards something resembling the people that Charlie loved so much.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

I always thought Marlene came from a very traditional Catholic family. She only seemed to go to church when things were going well and she was feeling stable tho, so Leo has mostly good memories attached to religion. After Charlie disappeared, he leaned hard into Saint Philomena icons and such because it felt better to pray than do nothing.

Dirk, and Max’s mom, were never religious so she doesn’t have many feelings on the subject either way. She might have some bitter thoughts towards it from time to time, but won’t badmouth anything she knows is comforting to Leo.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? 

Definitely winter people. *Stefano from SNL voice* Hot food. Stiff drinks. SNUGGLES.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? 

That’s a hard one. Obviously people find them a bit off putting and weird most of the time. But Mina and Autumn at least also trust them and believe them to be capable, and in that, sort of develop fondness for their weirdness. I think for both of them, their sense of self is wrapped up in their sense of one another, so they aren’t very objective about themselves as individuals. That is a very wishywashy answer but here we are.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

They have never been very good with the first impressions, but they are pretty accurate to their typical behavior. Whether others warm up to them after getting used to it or not is up to that other person.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

In my constantly running mental “Charlie lives!au,” the mercys are expected to attend all kinds of high end social gatherings. They hate them on principal more than actual dislike of being at them. But they find ways to make them fun for themselves. Embarrassing Dirk and Marlene in any way they can mostly. subtly needling people they don’t like. Etc.

Leo doesn’t like dressing up, and Marlene is always trying to tell Max how to dress so it’s a point of tension. Max will always do the exact opposite with her clothes that Marlene wants, so if she gets the “show some leg and pop some cleave- we need these people in a good mood” order, she shows up in high necks and full skirts; if it’s “keep it classy, we need to be a wholesome all american family here,” she’s nothing but slink, open backs and thigh slits.

Once Charlie gets older and starts to attend these gatherings as well, they are on constant alert, making sure she doesn’t interact too much with the wrong people.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? 

Well, as the story stands they don’t attend any parties. The closest they get is drinking with Autumn in the one scene in the screenplay. They like that just fine. 

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

Leo still has a picture of Charlie and a Saint Philomena charm in his truck that he’d freak if he lost. Max has a beaded bracelet from her mother that only Leo has ever seen. She never wears it, but keeps it in a go bag just in case they have to make a quick run for it.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? 

They definitely have a go bag. Big wad of cash, basic survival materials in case they have to keep off the grid. fake ids. They’ve got it covered.

#essayofthoughts #winter gothic #mercys #max #leo #charlie #ft. dirk and marlene #omg i love my children so much #my sad damaged babs #LET ME WRITE MORE FOR YOU EVEN THO YOUR OFFICIAL STORY IS BASICALLY COMPLETE #long post