#this can imply dennor??? kind of???? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nedcanquen · 5 years

Text

Chapter 10: Mr 7th Floor

When I posted Chapter 9 I mentioned that I applied to grad school. Well the good news is...I GOT IN! I had to once again move to a different country (in a different part of the world) and start my Masters. I’ve enjoyed it, but it was a huge adjustment for me, hence the long delay. Thank you so much to anyone still reading this and following this story. <3

---

Tags: Slow Burn (like…really slow burn) - endgame is NedCan but they don’t get there directly, Single POV, Yep, Canada will date other people before endgame because he’s very desirable even if he doesn’t always know it, Audit firm AU, Office AU, some angst…

Pairings: NedCan (endgame), NorCan, implied NedDen, DenNor, implied Spamano, France/Jeanne d’Arc, GerIta

Matthew is about ready to stop fucking crying already. But it’s therapy, so all he gets is a break until the next session, he supposes. Dr Laurinaithis is not fussed, he must have a closet full of tissue boxes in this job, and seen a few swimming pools worth of tears. Matthew doesn’t know how he feels about that, but he does feel like going through two boxes of tissue papers is too much, no matter how kind Dr. Laurinaithis is about it.

It's a relief to leave the building, though he wishes that the lightness he’s supposed to feel after a huge cry was actually there. It’s not. Because he’s forced to talk about things out loud that he usually tries to hide from himself, he’s feeling raw. It occurs to him that he may need emotional support to even get through therapy. His mind jumps to Lukas, just because it had been his idea in the first place, and immediately dismisses it.

Sometimes the hard thing about a breakup wasn’t the breakup itself, but breaking the habits that had been formed before it. Matthew and Lukas had moved slow, but he had always been aware of him in a strong sense, and knew that Lukas was a reliable man and a good listener. Maybe that was why Lukas was the first person he had called when he panicked about Arthur. He feels embarrassed about that now, Arthur is a grown man who doesn’t need anyone to be regulating his drinking, and when did Matthew care about drinking this much? It wasn’t the drinking he had responded to, he knows that now, it was the realization of the loneliness Arthur would have had to have been experiencing to over-rely on a bottle. If Arthur were still his direct Manager, Matthew would have found him and kept him company. As it was, not he never really knew where Arthur was in the world at any point of time, or if he would be welcome, or if Arthur the Partner would have any time for him, so he tried to get other people to make sure that Arthur was cared for. It’s a strange thing, Matthew doesn’t even do this for his own father, and his mother has never needed help. He’s always felt like the soft and vulnerable one in his family, but Arthur respected that, somehow teaching him how to succeed in this firm despite wanting to hide from the world sometimes.

Maybe it’s time to visit Mom. Except he feels bad for burdening her with his insecurities, and moving to the city and thriving here is supposed to be proof that he’s grown up now, all her hard work was worth it. She would see right through him the moment he walked through the door.

As he climbs into his car he looks at his now terrible reflection in the mirror. Not good, Arthur's farewell do is in a couple of hours. He really didn't plan this out very well, but Dr Laurinaithis‘ first available appointment had been today and sometimes Matthew was a little too efficient with getting through his to do list. He pulls out the wet wipes he keeps in the glove compartment and runs it over his face, hoping the cool and damp cloth will do something about the obvious swelling around his eyes and nose.

He can blame it on allergies. Yeah why not. They were going to a park after all.

But first, time to pick up Shell.

He knows the way to her place so he drives there almost on autopilot. She wouldn't be fooled by the “allergies”excuse, so he'll probably have to come clean to her about therapy. The idea makes his stomach clench, he knows objectively that Michelle wouldn;t judge him, but therapy is still something intensely personal. But still, shouldn’t he give her a chance? Friendship was also about vulnerability. Then again, she was also a colleague, and he doesn’t want their friendship to make her work more difficult. She just saved him from a terrible meeting earlier in the week, and now he wonders if she'll question his ability to work and lead, if his lack of promotion somehow pushed him off an edge.

Matthew takes a deep breath and decides to get on with it. She’ll notice or she won’t.

He drives up and sees her standing in front of her apartment, grinning at him in a light blue dress, and waving excitedly at his car. He cracks a smile at that. He's just thrown on an old red t-shirt and a pair of jeans, it's a barbecue after all and he'd rather not have his better clothes stained with fat and smoke.

The moment she gets in the car, her face drops. Yep, no fooling Shell. He opens his mouth to try to explain but finds he can't really.

Michelle squeezes his shoulder. “Matt… are you…” but maybe because he couldn't say anything, she opts not to either, and just leans in to hug him.

There's a moment of guilt where Matthew feels terrible for bringing her mood down, guilt that he can't admit something that is nothing to be ashamed of, but he appreciates the hug and leans into it all the same. Somehow it’s a little better.

“Sorry to worry you Shell, I just had a rough morning, I'll be fine.” Her hair smells like coconuts and there’s some part of him that thinks of warm island breezes and white sands, far away from his problems here.

When they pull back, she tilts her head, pondering. “Matt I didn’t want to bring it up earlier because I wasn’t sure if it would help and you didn’t seem to want to talk about it, and I’ve always looked up to you. But I feel like I have to say something. You’ve been through a lot lately, and you've been holding it together really well. Sometimes I don't know why you're still even in the team instead of running off to a well deserved island break. Francis would deserve it. And Lukas I mean… have you had a chance to talk about Lukas? And you invited him today so...Look Matt, no one will think less of you if you’re selfish for-.”

“I don't want to talk about it right now Shell.” He’s exhausted, he's talked all morning. “Thanks, really. It’s just that… trust me I'm talking a lot.”

She doesn’t press, and Matthew is glad, but she does pat his arm. “That’s great, but...I’m here too if you need me you know. Also, I would totally make up a good excuse for you if you decide you need to leave early today. You’re the one who told me that rest doesn’t mean weakness, it’s just strength in the long run.”

How did he come up with these things? “It’s a marathon, not a sprint.” He repeats out loud, but in his head he hears Arthur say it, because that’s who he had learned it from. Sure, Arthur wasn’t great at living by the occasional wisdom he managed to say out loud (and read in a book somewhere), but that didn’t mean it wasn’t wisdom. It was Arthur who showed him that you trudged on, no matter the difficulty or tears. He’s seen Arthur fight through insecurity and frustration with little to no guidance to rise on his own.. It’s another reason why Matthew has to turn up, has to celebrate his day with everyone. Arthur was the first person whom he felt had really seen the value in him and invested time into him. He’s a big reason why Matthew is the professional he is today.

“Yeah.” Michelle replies with a worried smile.

First they stop off at the florist to collect the flowers that Michelle had ordered. Gardening was one of Arthur’s passions, though Matthew wasn’t sure how many people remembered that anymore. These flowers wouldn’t imitate a garden, but they would be the closest they could get to recreating a happy space for Arthur.

Under Michelle’s guidance they had outdone themselves. Somehow, Michelle had secured two barbecue pits in the park. Jack and Gerard from Daan and Arthur’s team were cooking up a storm, and as far as Matthew could figure out - took barbecues very very seriously. But it’s exactly what Matthew had previously envisioned - children ran around on the green, playing with each other. The open air and casual atmosphere made everyone relax, the flowers they were setting up made everything look that much more festive. Although, the lack of beer at a barbecue was perhaps a little obvious and noticeable.

“Juice?” Ha strolls up with a grin, holding two cartons of orange juice in hand.

Oh man...they’re never going to hear the end of this.

“Or…” Ha grins “Are we holding out for the sparkling juice?” The alcohol-free ‘champagne’ - still get the pop, but no kick. For the purposes of the day, Michelle branded it “child’s wine.”

Matthew grins, “No reason not to have both.”

All the Partners are late, which doesn’t surprise anyone. It seemed to be a regular code of conduct to allow the rest of the staff to enjoy each other’s company before the bosses came in. What was surprising however, was who arrived next.

“How come there’s no music at this party?” Mathias grins as he walks in with Emil, rolling in a cart of danishes and other delicious foods. Just how much were they going to eat today?

“Mathias? Hi.” Matthew waves. Why was he here? Was it weird to feel like he and Mathias were kinda friends? Even though they didn’t know each other very well and had met under very convoluted circumstances. “Oh wow these kids are going to be on a sugar high all day today.” He doesn’t know how Arthur will feel about rowdy children - he knows the man loves kids but generally in an unrealistic way.

“That’s the plan!” Michelle laughs.

Matthew nods and walks around, greeting everyone but ultimately he’s just looking for a bench to sit on while everyone else is occupied. He lets the sound of happy children trill behind him as he takes in the view of people simply enjoying their lives on the green. He breathes in deeply, and lets his breath out, calming his mind and thinking about nothing in particular. When he finds his empty bench, he sits and muses a little. He realizes that he’s not changed as much as he thinks - he’s generally known who he is. But at the same time, he feels born anew, like he’s stumbling to figure out the world all over again for the first time. He thought he had it figured out, he’s been doing what some invisible societal book out there tells him he has to do, that Arthur had mastered, and the book wasn’t wrong per se, but it was wrong to deny him himself. As Dr Laurinaithis (Toris, he had told him to call him Toris - Matthew can only imagine how he must have butchered the man’s name) gently told him this morning - it’s about learning to rephrase, to be present, to be conscious and aware. Matthew is focused on what he hasn’t achieved, and not so much on what he has.

Easier said than done really. It’s one thing to understand the logic of doing that, it’s another to be personally sold on it. So he’ll start with baby steps - if he doesn’t feel comfortable with something, he won’t just push down that feeling, he’ll process it. Maybe Shell is right, maybe he needs a trip…

“Didn’t think you’d be the one to judge a party without alcohol.”

Matthew is jarred out of his thoughts by a somewhat concerned looking Daan, who’s holding a cup of orange juice in his hand.

Daan looks like he’s about to say something with his trademark dryness but stops. His expression shifts from glib to concerned. “Hey…” He doesn’t finish his thought though, Daan casts a nervous look behind at the party for a moment, then looks down with a sigh. He silently comes over to sit next to Matthew on the bench.

Matthew tries to saw something to dismiss the concern, some greeting, to steel himself to stand and join the party. But he’s just too tired. Instead he asks “I look that bad huh?” It’s not much of a question.

Daan doesn’t bother to voice the obvious, and offers the orange juice instead. “I haven’t had any.”

“No thanks.”

They sit in silence for a moment, and Matthew is glad. He’s glad he doesn’t have to explain himself, but he’s not happy that Daan has seen him like this. There’s nowhere to escape in a park though, so he may as well just sit here. Anyway, Daan’s presence has its advantages, like giving him a further excuse not to go back to the party. And now that he’s free to just return to his silence, Matthew finds himself observing Daan when the other leans over, resting his arms on his knees, sipping from his cup. He remembers what Lukas said, about Daan having to give away a project, about Daan going through a weird transition right now.

He can’t see a shred of evidence of it anywhere.

Matthew takes a breath “How do you do it?”

“Hmm?”

“Arthur drinks, I...well I work out and occasionally go hiking, but I’m obviously not dealing with my troubles well because you took one look at my face and decided it’s better not to drag me back to the party. But you, you’ve never looked weak, no one would look at you and go ‘hey...maybe I shouldn’t promote him, I don’t want to be guilty of manslaughter.’”

Daan let’s out an annoyed huff. Matthew observes him as Daan sits up and straightens himself. “I’m pretty sure you saw me during a pretty rough patch at least once. Like that night you brought Emil to Mathias’ cafe. Man...that was a really shitty time. I was doing a pretty good job at denying just how shitty it was just two days before that, but there’s nothing quite like enforced quiet solitude on a 24-hour flight to make you realize how much you’re not going to be able to lie to yourself about this one.”

Daan’s voice is filled with so much...regret? Matthew doesn’t realize he’s reached out until he’s squeezing Daan’s arm in reassurance. They both tense with the contact, and Matthew quickly withdraws his hand. Stupid stupid stupid. “Sorry.” He mumbles, though he’s not sure what exactly he’s sorry for.

Daan doesn’t move, he just stares at the grass. “I trust my people.”

Matthew screws up his face in confusion. What did Daan’s team have to do with anything?

“Arthur drinks; you work out and hike; I have pets, a sister who can’t ever stop mocking me to remind me that I’m not that great, a baby brother who somehow looks up to me enough that it balances out her mocking, a friend who makes sure I’m fed and will drag me out of my door kicking and screaming if needs be to just...cycle somewhere, a…” Daan stops suddenly and frowns, squeezing the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath, which he lets out. “You get the idea. I have people that I trust, to see me like that, like this - the way you saw me when I forgot my keys. I didn’t always have them, I didn’t always appreciate them, but I get by because I have them. I’m not a particularly social man, but I have a community that’s mine. That’s how I do it.” Daan stands from the bench and Matthew’s eyes can’t help but follow him, looking up and Daan turns. “You do too. And so does Arthur to be honest, neither of you are the lone wolves you try to be.”

Matthew laughs. “Lone wolf? Me?”

Daan shrugs. “We never really knew each other until recently, but I remember seeing you around before. Always in a group with other associates, usually with either Michelle or Ha, or…well, leaving birthday cupcakes on Arthur’s desk in the early hours of morning...”

Matthew’s eyes widen, Daan had seen that?

“Made me jealous to be honest,” Daan continues. “No one’s ever left me cupcakes.”

Matthew laughs. “Your housemate makes damn good danishes.”

“Well yes, but let’s be honest here, he’s never really made them for me, I just happened to be around. Besides, is a danish a cupcake?”

Matthew shakes his head and rolls his eyes fondly. Honestly.

“My point is,” Daan adds pointedly. “You have a community. Let them help you. Not saying hiking isn’t a good coping mechanism though.”

Matthew finds himself feeling a little lighter, and able to stand to return to the party. He looks up at Daan’s concerned face and smiles. “Thanks for the pep talk.” Daan is really really good at his job - who knew that this guy could give good talks like this? No wonder his team did so well.

Daan nods and looks behind him. “You want to join the party? Or should I make up an excuse?”

Matthew turns and observes the party too. It’s happy, pleasant and perfect - Michelle’s magic in full displace. “I don’t want to ruin it by bringing down the mood, Shell worked so hard. But I haven’t quite reached the point where it’s polite to leave yet. I should at least speak to Arthur. It’s crazy, I haven’t really talked to him at all lately.”

Daan’s tapping his fingers on the back of the bench, and Matthew doesn’t look at him, expecting him to leave at any moment. But instead, Daan surprises him.

“Want company or to be alone? Lukas will text me when they’re about to arrive, no one’s going to hold it against you if you sit out here. You’ve already greeted everyone.”

“I…” Both? Matthew wants Daan right next to him, a solid presence on a day when Matthew feels cast out at sea, riding on tumultuous waves of his stamped down emotions. He also doesn’t want to be a burden.

“Right, don’t worry. Take your time.”

“Wait!”

Daan pauses in his stride surprised. He must have presumed that Matthew’s reluctance to speak was out of politeness, not indecision.

“I don’t mind company I’m just not great company myself right now so, it’s really up to you. I’m sure you have schmoozing to do.”

Daan casts a skeptical look at the party. “I see them practically everyday. I don’t mind some quiet. They’re all in love with Mathias anyway, I’ll give him a chance to keep charming his regulars, uninterrupted.”

Matthew can’t help but laugh. “So he knows everyone?”

Daan shrugs. “Well whenever we have a party we tend to buy food from him, so by now, yeah.”

“I distinctly remember him telling you that night at the cafe, that PKDE was your life, not his.”

Daan lets out a snort and a little laugh. Matthew likes that little laugh, a little too much. He churns inside because no.

No. No. No.

Nononononononono…

“Sometimes when I piss him off he says things yeah, but he’s such a softy now you have no idea.”

For lack of anything else to say (because he’s afraid to say anything), Matthew just replies, “Tell me.”

So Daan does, and Matthew looks down at the grass seeing nothing because he knows he’s gone and done something even more irrevocably stupid. It was inevitable really, just a matter of time, and he had been in so much denial because he hadn’t wanted to stop himself. But was there really any other way that this was going to go for him? He can’t even hide it from himself anymore.

He’s in love.

#nedcan #APH Canada #aph netherlands #fic: Mr 7th floor

11 notes · View notes

hetaliaweekinreview · 6 years

Text

PruAus Week of 9/16/2018 - 9/22/2018

(fics rated M/Explicit under cut)

Total Fics: 7

Fics on FFN: 1

Fics on AO3: 6

ffn:

Adieu, Be Of Good Cheer by LyingMonsters

Gilbert is the crown prince of Prussia. Roderich is a nobleman and a lieutenant. It's the late 1720's at the dawn of the Prussian Empire, and they have nothing but each other. Based off the story of Frederick and Hans.

Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,819 - [Prussia, Austria]

ao3:

play me like a violin by twotimesinthesamenight

“I’m not doing anything, Roddy,” and the nickname drips off cracked lips like honey and the final syllable is dragged out with an exhale of smoke that curls around them both. “Those’ll kill you. Eventually.” In the space where Gilbert’s hand was is a package of spearmint gum, cradled by the soft fingertips of long pianist’s fingers. Gilbert shakes his head and laughs.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Austria/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Austria (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: Post-Break Up, Pining, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Smoking, it's all pretty vague tbh, the smoking is shortlived, and the self harm is mentioned once, gil is a sad boy who deserves to be happy

Language: English

new americana by twotimesinthesamenight

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Austria/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Austria (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), Hungary (Hetalia)

Additional Tags:, Smoking, Flirting, Underage Drinking, hungary is there for four seconds, canada is mentioned once as a joke, it's erotic but not sexual lmao

Language: English

Strange Bedfellows by princessdi

March 13, 1938. Austria becomes swallowed by the machine tearing through Germany. Rather than be resigned to their fates as subordinate entities, Austria and Prussia agree to work together in another war, this time for the right cause.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Austria/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Austria (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: World War II, Anschluss, Rebellion, Resistance, Historical Hetalia, Historical References

Language: English

1912 by policebox101

1912.

Known as the year the R.M.S. Titanic sank. Many souls went down along with the ship. It's only now that their stories are being told.

Based off 'Titanic' 1997

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Major Character Death

Categories: F/M, M/M

Fandoms: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Titanic (1997)

Relationships: Female Austria (Hetalia)/Male Hungary (Hetalia), Female Austria (Hetalia)/Prussia (Hetalia), Female Austria (Hetalia)/Romania (Hetalia), England (Hetalia)/France (Hetalia), Female Germany (Hetalia)/North Italy (Hetalia)

Characters:, Female Austria (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Prussia (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Male Hungary (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Kugelmugel (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Romania (Hetalia: Axis Powers), France (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Female America (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Wy (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Sealand (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Seborga (Hetalia: Axis Powers), England (Hetalia: Axis Powers), South Italy (Hetalia: Axis Powers), North Italy (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Female Germany (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Bulgaria (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Belgium (Hetalia: Axis Powers), Netherlands (Hetalia: Axis Powers)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Historical, So much death

Language: English

Partners in Crime by Ludwiggle73

Belfaux in the '20s is a rainy city of sin. Its most notorious criminals are Gilbert Beilschmidt, the Prussian gangster; Antonio Fernández Carriedo, the kind-hearted pimp; and Francis Bonnefoy, gentleman thief and partner to Arthur Kirkland, thief-of-all-trades.

Desperate to get in the good graces of his people, Grand Duke Roderich Edelstein calls in Agent Alfred Jones, a prodigy in the art of undercover deception. With Arthur's reluctant help, Alfred becomes part of the criminal family, but he knows none of them can be trusted. Alfred's mission goes well until, despite his best intentions, love begins to bloom. Secrets start to unravel. And all must prove where their loyalties lie.

Because in Belfaux, honesty is the deadliest weapon.

[USUK. Spamano. PruAus. GerIta. SuFin. DenNor.]

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warnings : Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationships: America/England (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia), Austria/Prussia (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), Denmark/Norway (Hetalia), Finland/Sweden (Hetalia), England/France (Hetalia), Canada/Netherlands (Hetalia)

Characters: America (Hetalia), England (Hetalia), France (Hetalia), Spain (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), Germany (Hetalia), South Italy (Hetalia), North Italy (Hetalia), Denmark (Hetalia), Norway (Hetalia), Finland (Hetalia), Sweden (Hetalia), Canada (Hetalia), Lithuania (Hetalia), Russia (Hetalia), Belarus (Hetalia), Sealand (Hetalia), Monaco (Hetalia), Belgium (Hetalia), Netherlands (Hetalia), Austria (Hetalia), Switzerland (Hetalia), Hanatamago (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Human, Gentleman Thieves, Organized Crime, undercover cop, Prison, Discussion of Abortion, Smoking, transtalia, Transgender, Anal Sex, 69 (Sex Position), Body Dysphoria, Prostitution, Angst, Face-Sitting, Out of Character, 1920s, Historical Inaccuracy, Trans Male Character, Pregnancy, Transphobia, Period Typical Attitudes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Gang Violence, Asexual Character, Blood and Injury

Language: English

Viennese Blue by Aleberle

On a seemingly regular invasion of his favorite aristocrat's house, Prussia stumbled across a small object that forced him to rethink not only his relationship with the prissy nation, but how he thought of the man in general, and not in a way that he would have ever wanted to. As his attempts to gain more information and undo what has been done earn him suspicion and mistrust from the very man who's consumed his every waking thought since the discovery, he begins to wonder if this is something which can really be fixed.

Warning - this story includes implied, and later described, self-harm and consistently mentioned depression. The rating moved up to M because it gets pretty graphic with the self-harm in one of the chapters and it touches on nations' opinions on historical tragedies, which is a very touchy subject for many.

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Austria/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Austria (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), Germany (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Self-Harm, Extremely awkward Prussia, Confused and suspicious Austria, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, a bit of angst, Depression, Medication, I'm not kidding, he's so awkward, Depressed Austria, Prussia being oblivious too much, This romance takes a while mostly because of Prussia, But sometimes it's just gay, Those are my favorite parts, No Smut, mentions of World War II

Language: English

#hetalia #fic recs #pruaus #mod lesbian #sorry its late!

14 notes · View notes

nedcanquen · 6 years

Text

Chapter 9: Mr 7th Floor

In the past 8 months, I once again moved to a new country, applied to grad school, started and ended a relationship, and had to care for a family member. I’m sorry for the delay, but Matthew and Daan were never far from my mind.

Thank you to everyone who reads and has been patient with me!

Pairings: NedCan (endgame), NorCan, implied NedDen, DenNor, implied Spamano, France/Jeanne d’Arc, GerIta

Image from Pexels

It’s warm here. Matthew breathes in the salty sea air and takes in a view he hasn’t seen in many many years. He loves Cuba already, he’s nineteen and ready for his first adventure outside of Canada, and there’s a part of him that’s not so secretly satisfied that he’s set foot in a place that his brother cannot go…

There’s a part of him that scoffs at that now, but then? You can be forgiven for making sweeping conclusions at nineteen.

He had gone for a special language course at the University of Havana, at least, that was the excuse. It was the summer before he would start his year abroad in Houston (and the disaster that was his personal experience there even if he held the city no personal ill will). Everyone had been yelling at him for years to do something crazy. Well here he was, this was it for him.

Travelling to a new country wasn’t exactly most people’s definition of “crazy” but it was still significant for Matthew. Up to that point, he had played it safe, preferred the quiet, his own company, and the cold. He fell sick whenever the temperatures teased their way to thirty degrees, he swam in the snow just for fun. So yes, running off to Cuba was “crazy” enough. The beginning of Havana had been wonderful - stepping into a new world of warmth and experience. Why had he forgotten it? Maybe because he had set forth for adventure outside of his vast country twice, and both times had made him vulnerable in a way that Canada never forced him to endure. It was easier to choose to forget.

But right now, he’s dreaming of it - he’s dreaming some fantastical, magical version of his early days in Havana, and he can’t bring himself to wake up even though he knows it’s a dream - or maybe it’s a memory springing forth because there’s no resistance to it.

The warm buzz from the wine has taken him back to a different warmth - a warm night. The humidity had turned his hair almost frizzy with curls but he hadn’t cared. His glasses smudged often with grease, humidity, and sweat, but he just wiped them clean with the cotton on his shirt and continued smiling anyway. When someone pressed a cocktail into his hand, he drank from it happily. In that warm haze of happiness he allowed himself to sway to the music - badly probably. That’s when he saw him.

Everything Matthew had wanted to be when he was nineteen, still, actually - confident, charismatic. When Carlos Garcia laughed and danced, he owned the room. And somehow on that evening, Carlos Garcia had decided that he wanted to teach Matthew how to dance as opposed to sway like a dead man thrown into a river.

Somewhere buried in the back of a book that Matthew no longer opens, but can’t get rid of, is a picture of him and Carlos lying down on a beach in Gilbara. Matthew is sitting down, looking out at the water, and Carlos is lying on the sand with his head on Matthew’s lap. The funny thing about something ending is that sometimes your mind blocks out the happier stuff from before. But now that Matthew is allowing himself to remember Cuba again, he remembers Carlos. For Matthew, Carlos is Cuba, there’s no separating the two.

Physically, Carlos and Daan are as different as night and day. Daan is long and lean, while Carlos was a little shorter than Matthew, strong and heavyset. Daan’s hair is short and styled to clean and spiky perfection - not a strand out of place. Carlos’ hair was long and free, twisted into dreadlocks. Looks were shallow though, because both possesed a familiar solid charisma, old-world charm, and frightening honesty that partnered comfortably with an easy confidence that lent well to leadership. Qualities that Matthew desperately wished he had.

Now he wants to wake up. He knows what happens after he leaves Cuba.

And when he does…

The light through the curtains tells Matthew that he’s overslept. Fuck.

Not overslept actually, it’s just that he tries to wake up before sunrise three times a week for a run. He needs to run to burn off his excess energy, to manage stress, to make sure he doesn’t fall too far behind Alfred physically or his brother will walk all over him by habit. Besides, Matthew isn’t naive enough to overlook the fact that he’s been treated better at work since he’s gotten fit so…Wait, where is he? It takes a moment to adjust, simply because it’s not what he’s used to seeing. Eventually his brain catches up with him and Matthew jumps out of bed with a yelp.

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod...” He’s not exhausted and cranky anymore - just a moment ago he was warm, happy, worried, now he’s all over the place and out of sorts. Shit shit shit why did he think about Cuba? What on...forget that. He has to shower, he has to change, he doesn’t have his clothes he has to iron them and he’s late!

Matthew throws his bedroom door open, and sees Daan and Lukas look up at him curiously.

“Good morning.” They both greet in unison, and Matthew stands there frozen for a moment at the shocking domestic normalcy. Daan is sitting at the table, pouring chocolate sprinkles on a slice of bread and Lukas is ironing in the back of the kitchen near the washing and dryer machines. They’re both already dressed, though Lukas is wearing office attire and Daan has his bicycle-riding getup on with a fitting highlighter-orange shirt. Pretty darn fitting. Shit. It’s too early in the morning for this. Too late, but too early. He tries to step forward but instead walks into something.

“Ow! What the-” Hopping slightly and holding his pained toe, he looks down at a...a Roomba? It’s the slimmest Roomba he’s ever seen though, and Nijntje is sitting on it as it carries on, cleaning up the apartment.

“You okay?” Daan is half standing from the table and Matthew desperately waves him away.

“I’m fine! I’m fine! I just uh...ugh.” He limps a little to the breakfast table, while desperately trying to think of a way to distract them from his embarrassment. “Uh...where’s Mathias?” Why was that the first question out of his mouth?

Daan looks at him with concern and...that look again, that stupid Partner look like they’re reading your mind. Then it seems, as soon as the scrutiny starts, it stops. Daan instead sips coffee from a...a dick mug, of course. “He operates a food place.” He responds after he swallows. “He left hours ago to open up and catch the morning office crowd.” Breathe Matthew. Breathe.

“Oh...right. Uh...I’ll just change quickly and I’ll drive you guys to work? It’s the least I can do, you let me stay the night.”

Lukas and Daan look at each other with amused looks on their faces.

“It’s okay Matthew.” Daan smirks. “You didn’t exactly stay the night by choice.”

“So you’ve already done us a favor.” Lukas adds. “Here, I ironed your clothes.” He turns off the iron and walks up, holding a hanger with Matthew’s clothes, looking even more crisp than they did yesterday. How did he do that?! Matthew can only look at Lukas in astonishment and wonder for a moment again, how he ever ended up being able to date this guy. Or really...any guy he had ever dated, come think of it. At least with Lukas it ended before he could get truly hurt.

“Right, well, time for me to go.” He turns to see that Daan is leaving the table and heading to the door, carrying a light backpack.

“Wait Daan, you don’t want a ride?”

“Today’s a cycling day. I want to fit in as many of these in while the weather’s still good, which also means I need to leave now.”

As Daan takes down his selected bicycle from its place on the wall, Matthew remembers that sometimes, Daan cycles to work. Good thing there are showers in the office. “Oh, okay. Uh, be safe.”

Daan barely shrugs and opens the door.

“Wait!” Matthew calls out, it finally hits him, what’s wrong with this picture. “You don’t wear a helmet?!”

Daan looks back at him with a straight face. “I have a hard head.”

Matthew doesn’t answer because he can’t. That’s the dumbest thing he’s ever heard, and he’s tired and out-of-sorts enough that it must show on his face because Daan throws up his hands in annoyance and stalks to a nearby closet.

“Oh fine! Is the auditor happy?” He asks, holding up a helmet and strapping it on.

“I...don’t know why you’re annoyed, I’m clearly the one who’s right here…?” Matthew responds with genuine confusion.

Matthew can’t read the deadpan look on Daan’s face but he isn’t sure it’s all that great. “I bet that’s your response whenever you turn up every year for the scheduled audit. Bye.” He waves at both of them, then leaves.

Matthew waves too, but once the door is closed he turns to Lukas. “Is it just me or was that weird? That was kind of weird right? Wait...ugh priorities, I need to get dressed. Damnit, I really did wake up late.”

Lukas just looks at him, then at the door in concern. Finally he takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Matthew, do me a favor. Breathe with me okay.”

What?

But that’s all Lukas does, stands in front of him quietly, with a little roomba working in the background, breathing deeply. Finally Matthew follows and after an initial period of feeling like an idiot he actually just focuses on breathing.

Breathe in, breathe out...breathe…

Eventually the world comes back into focus again. He still needs a shower, but it’s not life or death. Lukas seems to note the change too and nods. “Good. You have time, your clothes are ironed and you drive to work. Anyway, I’m not addicted to cycling, so I’ll take you up on that ride.”

He’s right. Matthew allows himself a smile “Where’d you learn that?”

Lukas scoffs a little. “From two different people - didn’t listen to the first one, then when I learned it from the second one I felt pretty dumb for ignoring it the first time. Simple but effective though. Why don’t you eat breakfast? It’s right there on the table, yoghurt, cheese and milk are in the fridge.”

Matthew looks at the table and notes that everything he would need for a cold breakfast is there. On weekdays he generally grabs something hot on the way into work leaving himself to cook his favorites on weekends. “Okay...cold it is.” He didn’t mind cereal, he just usually preferred something warm.

“You want...eggs? Something more filling?” Lukas guessed.

“No,” Matthew smiles, “I mean I’m used to warm things in the morning but the chocolate on bread thing looked good.”

Lukas nods, looking thoughtful about something before walking back to the kitchen. “I’ll make you some coffee, how do you like it?”

The coffee did wonders for Matthew’s mind. He remembered why he was here in this apartment in the first place instead of his own. Now that he’s more awake and there’s more light streaming into the apartment through open curtains, he notices more than he did yesterday - there’s a balcony with a healthy collection of lush green plants, and colorful flowers. Hitam is drinking water in her open cage, Nijntje is still riding around on the Roomba, and Maple appears to be asleep. It’s such a cheerful place, that clearly had a lot of thought put into it that Matthew feels sorry for Daan that he likely doesn’t spend much time in it.

“Your clothes.” Lukas says randomly, taking a seat across him at the table.

“My? Oh heh yeah. I’m amazed they don’t have anything inappropriate written on them. I suppose there was a limit to the gag gifts?” Matthew jokes.

Lukas smiles slightly. “No, because those are Mathias’ clothes. Makes sense I guess. Daan may be tall but he’s lean. Probably figured you wouldn’t be comfortable if he loaned you his clothes.”

Oh...that made sense actually. Speaking of Mathias, “You know it’s not my place to pry but…how are you doing? How is...I mean you seem tired but overall is it...good?” It’s a little awkward once it leaves his mouth, and Matthew doesn’t quite understand why he’s just asked his ex how it’s going with the first ex, but...well Lukas was the one who had brought him here. The two of them didn’t seem to interact much the previous night.

Matthew can see Lukas think of the answer. “It’s better.” He acknowledges. Lukas’ eyes flicker to his and stops.

“I can take it.” Matthew mutters, not quite sure if it’s true but he’s the one who asked, and somehow it’s less frightening than thinking of the fact that he’s in Daan’s home, dreaming of Carlos and his own mistakes. “Or I wouldn’t have asked. I’m...glad. I mean, is it still raw? Yeah, but it was nice to see the three of you last night, reminiscing and getting along. It was warm and...thanks for making sure I was never left out.”

Now Lukas looks surprised. He nods with a small smile and shrugs. “Thanks for coming here. I’m glad that you felt comfortable. I realize I must have put you in an awkward spot bringing you here.”

Matthew runs a thumb on the handle of his cup, and takes a deep breath. He looks at his mug while he does - a plain thing painted with a cheerful orange color - more orange, there’s a clear running theme here. There’s a lot of splashes of orange in this place. “Thanks for acknowledging that.” He eventually lets out. “But I’m the one who called you, so...I’m not entirely blameless. Did you two manage to talk about Arthur at all?” Matthew still doesn’t understand why a simple request to a friend of Arthur’s to check in on the man led to this but who knows? Maybe Lukas didn’t even know why he came here - maybe it was some unknown childhood dynamic thing - have a problem? Where do you go?

Lukas yawns and nods. “Daan will send me a message if he notes or hears that Arthur has been particularly bad, or is looking forward to a stressful time...which actually will be coming up soon. Daan gave me the heads up that has to hand over a large project to him today.” Lukas looks somewhat disappointed but doesn’t say much more. “He’s right though, a lot of what has to be done well...I’m Arthur’s friend. I have to do it, and I’ll start by taking him on a hike this weekend.”

Matthew smiles at that. It’s apt and appropriate. He’s also glad that even though they probably won’t be hiking together in the near future, that Lukas will still be able to give himself a reason to go.

“Speaking of, I’m helping to organize Arthur’s Partner party. I was planning on inviting you, and Belle, and well, Arthur’s friends basically in addition to my department and his current one. Could you do me a favor and think of anyone else who ought to be there while I finish up and get ready for work?”

“Sure.” Lukas shrugs, relieved and happy that they’re back to the topic of a common goal. “It’s basically one other guy, a friend of ours from the MBA. I think I can convince him to come on over. We can discuss the rest on the road.”

Matthew freezes a little standing up. “About that I...uh. Well I guess it’s a compliment that you trust me to drive so...thanks for that. But honestly it never occured to me until last night that being in a car is something that potentially uh, terrifies you so...if you’re ever in my car and uncomfortable you can-”

Lukas lets out a sardonic laugh. “I’m terrified in very specific circumstances, otherwise it’s fine. But thanks.”

There’s an awkward beat where neither moves and they smile at each other, but it doesn’t last long. Matthew has a meeting to get to.

Before they get into the car though. “You’re sure you’re fine?” Matthew has to ask again.

Lukas just rolls his eyes with a smile. “Ask me anything else. Yes! I’m fine. It’s not like visibility will be terrible in rush hour traffic. At worst, someone may bump into you.”

Matthew laughs and pats his car with reassurance. “Well she may be old but she’s solid. Part of the fun about driving a pick-up in the city is that people generally avoid you. So no bumps.”

Of course, later he realizes that he’s now kind of stuck in a car in rush hour traffic with his ex and even though things were amiable in the morning, it’s a little awkward. He doesn’t know why he ends up asking about Daan, but it was natural to be curious right? He had just woken up in the man’s home. “Was it just me? Or did Daan seem annoyed with me this morning? Did you guys...talk about me last night? If it was an inconvenience having me over, I…”

Lukas snorts, which surprises Matthew, so he shuts up. “Oh God Matthew.” Lukas takes a breath. “Sorry I shouldn’t have laughed. I’m not laughing at you, and I shouldn’t be scoffing at Daan, there’s nothing funny about his situation, I’m just...anyway. Look, Daan isn’t annoyed with you, at all actually. He’s going through a transition right now, so there will be days he’s annoyed with everyone, but mostly himself. There will be days he’s not himself at all. That being said, if he gives you shit, don’t take it. What he’s going through isn’t your fault.”

A wave of worry and concern washes through Matthew for his newest friend, but if Daan has chosen not to share what’s happening with him, well, he’s not going to pry. Something occurs to him and since there’s an oddly open atmosphere between them right now, and he can’t really help but wonder, so he decides to ask.

“Back when I thought they were dating, it’s just hit me right now that you didn’t question me, you accepted it right away as if them together was really believable?” It is rather striking, now that Matthew thinks about it, that Lukas had accepted that scenario. If he had known those two for most his life and thought it was realistic that Daan and Mathias were together, well Matthew couldn’t really be blamed for having the wrong idea either.

Lukas nods slowly with a rueful smile. “Yeah, silly me. Mathias and I only became a thing when I moved back to Canada - after he had already done so much for Emil and my family, but that didn’t mean that I never...liked him before you know? Stupid teenage crushes. But back then I was just a weird neighbour that he knew and was nice to. But he and Daan? They’ve always been very close. Mathias could convince Daan to do all kinds of reckless or stupid things. Anyway, trust me, I know what it’s like when Daan actually is annoyed with someone. He really isn’t annoyed with you. Don’t let him scare you. Besides, you have it in you to be far scarier than he could hope to be.”

Matthew laughs. “Wait, what?! Where did that come from?” Lukas grins and shakes his head. “Matthew, green light.”

“Oh, right! Thanks. You know that’s not going to spare you from that. How am I scary?! Especially compared to Daan, that guy has made people cry with just a glance! I would never do that!”

But Lukas only laughs. “Have you seen this crying thing? Or is it a rumour?”

“It’s! Well...it’s…hmmm.”

Lukas just smirks and shakes his head at some internal thought. “How long have you and Daan been friends by the way?”

Matthew feels a worm of nervousness squirm in his stomach and tries to ignore it. “Took me by surprise to be honest, but the day after we...had dinner, I nearly got run over by a car and Daan was the Partner who was around and made sure I went to see a doctor. We’ve been ...I guess you could say friends since, but it still feels...I dunno, making friends is different when you’re not in school.” He doesn’t know if he’s grateful or not that he never told Lukas about the stupid crush. Well it would be really stupid to bring it up now. What would be the point? “When he’s not being a Partner he’s not that hard to speak to.”

Lukas nods but Matthew can’t see his expression because he has to focus on driving. “That hasn’t been very long.”

“No. Which is why I felt kind of awkward last night, this morning, and all but…” He shrugs. “Everyone was so nice about it, so...thanks again. I mean it, I’m especially grateful, you made sure I was never too out of place for too long. Sometimes it can be kinda lonely when you’re sitting with a group of people who have known each other forever you know?”

Lukas shakes his head and simply says. “No. Thank you.”

It’s the worst meeting he has ever managed in a long time - remotely or in person. Michelle throws him a worried look from her desk and Matthew decides it’s better to hand the meeting over to her instead. She’s technically a manager now, even though she had started this project before that promotion. Anyway, isn’t this the benefit of having more than one manager? If one is having a no-good ‘I’m stupid’ day, there’s a backup? Michelle reads the look on his face and takes over seamlessly. Meanwhile, Matthew mutes his phone and lets out an exasperated sigh. He can’t leave the meeting, but he wishes he could.

Waking up in a different place, Arthur’s problems, his own weird life and weird morning...Daan seemed to be irritated with him, and when Lukas left the car he felt something a little off there too. Or maybe he was just tired, paranoid and anxious, or maybe Matthew just wasn’t good at having his routine messed with.

Michelle handles the meeting with aplomb, there’s not much that he has to do thank goodness, but he’s angry at himself because it’s basic and easy stuff! He spent years of effort into learning how to lead meetings! He had always known it was a potential weakness of his so he’d practice and practice and practice until the freezing nerves mostly became butterfly nerves, but today the freezing nerves had come back. He choked. No matter what sweet words Francis had for him, it appears that there was a good reason why he wasn’t promoted, and Francis could tell. Partners are their magic psychic voodoo when it came to assessing people, shit.

What good was Matthew? No wonder Daan was annoyed with him, no wonder he wasn’t promoted, no wonder Lukas-

“HEY!”

What the?? “Michelle you gave me heart attack!”

Michelle looks down at him in front of his cubicle with a knowing look. “No Matt.” She says softly. “You were doing that to yourself. Come on boss. Early lunch.”

“Wha?”

“Come on! We’ve barely caught up lately and I want to have lunch with you!”

Technically it wasn’t against the rules, if they ate lunch now that just meant packing food and eating it at their desks when they got hungry again since they were eating at an odd hour. Matthew just didn’t want to be irresponsible after this ridiculous two-hour long walkout the last week he was at work before almost getting hit by a car and getting sick. The time away was supposed to have reset everything, this week was supposed to be him returning to normal.

Michelle waves at Francis and points at the door, Matthew doesn’t look because he can’t bear to at that moment, he’s still too raw, and all too happy to let Michelle take the lead. Which she does. She whisks him out the doors into sunlight and fresh air. City people doing their things, even city birds were different from their non-urban cousins. Everyone and everything with a purpose. Except him.

Michelle asks him questions about what he prefers, but thinking is too much effort right now. Maybe he’s just too slow after the enforced holiday. That’s it. Thankfully, Michelle doesn’t point it out, and before long, he’s seated outdoors across from her at a cozy cafe. It’s nice he supposes, but he can’t wave away the guilt building within for making her worry in the first place, or making her take over his work.

“Matt.” Michelle sighs as she slides a cheerful looking rainbow colored cake towards him. “Remember last year when you rescued me?”

What? It must show on his face because Michelle gently reminds him. “Run of the mill, presentation to department heads, I knew all of them, I knew my work, I knew my own findings. Then I just couldn’t explain them. And the more I couldn’t explain, the more I talked, the more I talked, the less sense I made, the less sense I made, the worse it got. Then you stepped in. You have this power Matt, you calm everything and everyone down. You’ve always been able to do that, but it’s just gotten better over the years. Today was just my chance to repay you, at least once. I also remember you telling me afterwards that it happens to all of us.”

Matthew shakes his head and smiles at her kindness. Good ol’ Michelle. “Shell, you had just found out right before you were about to present that your father had been admitted to the hospital. Your family is an 18 hour flight away. We’re only human, of course under such pressure we all need a little help from time to time.”

“Exactly! So...Let me help you! Are you okay to share what happened to you this morning? You came in kinda...out of sorts.”

Matthew can’t help how hot is face is getting, he can only imagine how red he looks right now.

“Oh. My. God! You got laid!”

“What?! No! N-” Matthew whips his head around. Yes it’s not exactly peak hour but there’s still people around damnit! “No, I didn’t get laid!” He whispers urgently, but he doesn’t know if his whisper is actually soft. “How could you-No!”

“Oh Mattie, is that why you’re upset? You didn’t get laid?” Michelle laughs

“NO! What?? Why would I?? No I didn’t-”

“I’m teasing, I’m teasing! Still, that flush is the same flush you used to have over Mr. 7th Floor. I’ve kinda missed seeing it.”

Matthew throws his hands up in the air. Fucking Mr 7th Floor. This is never going away. “Okay I’m not in the mood to put up with the teasing that is the fucking 7th floor. But who I am ready to talk about is Arthur.”

“Arthur?!”

“Yeah.”

And that was how “Project: RESCUE KING LEAR” was born. Why? Because it was Arthur, and as long as they were dealing with him, they were going to use his ridiculous naming conventions.

Perhaps, sensing his raw mood, Michelle decided to stay by his side for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, she also did something else that was magnificent - she took a load off his shoulders.

From: [email protected]

To: <[email protected]>

Subject: PARTY KING LEAR

Okay everyone here’s the deal - Arthur may have left us for greener and noisier pastures but he still started with us and he’s gotten the big promotion. So...just to be clear, I’M PLANNING THE PARTAY!

There will be kiddies, so no alcohol but that doesn’t mean we’re not gonna remind Arthur that we’re better than any of those 7th floor loudspeakers (we’re hotter too ;) ;) )!

Keep your evenings clear - you’re all getting instructions from me soon.

It’s quiet and dark out when Matthew finishes up for the day. He only found his focus and stride halfway through the afternoon so he decided to stay to get caught up on everything. It was easier after everyone left - as much as he liked them, it was peaceful. He didn’t want to bring work home anymore.

Matthew isn’t the last person out of the building. There are other stragglers on his floor, but his team is tucked in a corner, so Matthew feels comfortable and left alone with himself. He stretches and yawns without care because no one is looking, making sure that he feels and hears the pops and little cracks in his back as he does so.

“Ugh...that feels good.” He’s been too fucking stiff lately. Matthew places his feet up on his desk and stares at the ceiling unseeing for a while. It doesn’t hurt to breathe a little and close his mind off from work before driving home. Of course, it’s at the very point that he feels the most comfortable that his stomach growls. Of course.

Matthew lets out a sigh. He doesn’t feel like cooking, and he’s a little too hungry to wait for takeout. He would prefer to just go home. Looked like it was going to be a vending machine dinner once he actually got the energy to -

“You’re not actually supposed to sleep here you know.”

What? Matthew reluctantly turns his head away from the white ceiling and - oh fuck. “What are you doing -” He knocks some books off his desk as he tries to get his feet off it - shit “here?” Smooth Matt. Real smooth. He sighs and doesn’t bother picking them up, he’ll do that after. Instead he looks up.

Daan looks tired. “You look tired.” Well it’s 9pm and the man is still in the office as well, so of course he is. “Well, it’s-uh...nevermind.”

“Yeah. So do you.”

Matthew really can’t be surprised by the awkward silence that followed. He’s awake enough to be grateful that the second time Daan turns up at his desk is when none of his colleagues are around. That puts a smile on his face.

Somehow, Daan is smiling now too. Objectively speaking, tired Daan smiling is a good look. It’s not like he’s grinning like a fiend or anything, it’s just that with his eyes a little bleary and the corners of his lips have moved up, it’s enough to just soften him a little.

“Anyway, what brings you down here? Well, up here?” Matthew finally lets out.

Daan shrugs. “I saw your status online, still logged into work. Realized you didn’t sleep well this morning, so if you were in, I thought I’d deliver some goods.” He says as he lifts both hands.

It’s just two plain paper bags but damn, Matthew can smell the goodness from where he is. “How? Where?”

“Ordered delivery. For a couple of months now, I’ve made sure I order extra to make sure that Emil eats dinner too. Well he’s not working late today, so I figure. my mattress sucks or I need to tell my brother to shower more often. You did not look like a guy who slept well this morning.”

That makes Matthew laugh too much, he doesn’t know why. “Oh my God, don’t. The bed smelled fine, the sheets were nice. The mattress was firm, there was nothing wrong with your hospitality. Hell you even fed me, I haven’t been so pampered, ever! Stop being so nice, I’m alive, I’m thriving. But thanks.”

“So you don’t want-”

“Fuck yes, give me the food! ...please. I was just about to go home anyway. You need a ride? Or are you going to cycle back? If not, I drive a pickup, your bike will fit in the back.”

Daan seems to chuckle as he rolls over a chair, picks up Matthew’s books, and settles down. “I shouldn’t cycle back when I’m this tired. Anyway, I’m not done yet, I actually have to get more shit down after this, need input from Japan, but I’ll call an Uber home. My bike is safely standing in my allocated parking spot. Everyone knows it’s my bike. No one fucks with it even when I leave it overnight. If they fuck with it-”

“Okay I get it. So your bicycle gets its own parking spot. My pickup is jealous.” Figures - Matthew can just imagine that orange bicycle proudly standing between Porsches and BMWs.

Daan looks up with mock disappointment. “Matthew really. You’re not going to let me boast about what happens to anyone who fucks with my bike?”

“Dude I’m hungry.” He was about to say ‘and I’m tired’ but it wasn’t quite as true now as it was just a few moments ago.

Daan shoves the bag over, shaking his head. “Eat up then. Even the young’uns aren’t here. So it’s just us old fogies.” He says, as he tears open his own paper bag.

“You’re eating at my desk?!”

Daan is trying his hardest not to grin now and barely manages to shrug. “What, did you think I was going to mess up my desk?”

“I can’t believe you.” Matthew rolls his chair over to hit Daan’s in revenge - what good are wheels for if you can’t use them for a little bumper chairs once in a while?

“Hey! Do you want a clean desk or not?!”

Matthew has to turn away because he’s grinning too hard. “You’re cleaning up my desk if it gets messed up-”

“What?”

“I swear, because you’re the one who-”

“That’s a great ‘thank you’ for bringing you food. Holy fuck Matthew Williams, after everyone said you’re the ‘epitome of what a gentleman is.’ I’m surprised.”

He shouldn’t be laughing this hard. “Excuse me you’re giving me Emil’s leftovers! Fine, I’ll go easy on you. But you need to tell me what people say about me in return. And that...was so totally Arthur omg. What else do they say?”

Matthew is pretty sure that Daan is making the rest of it up, but it doesn’t matter. It’s one of the best work dinners he’s had - ever.

#nedcan #aph canada #aph netherlands #fic: mr 7th floor

13 notes · View notes

hetaliaweekinreview · 6 years

Text

Week of 9/9/2018 - 9/15/2018 PruCan!

Total fics: 14

FFN: 1

AO3: 12

fanfiction.net:

Our Obnoxiously Calm Chem Teacher by goctyudicbdkvhb175749674

He's loud. He's annoying. He's obnoxious. He's somewhat egotistical. He's got the worst case of ADHD anyone has ever seen. But, most of all, he's their awesome chem teacher who always rambles on and on about his French-Canadian boyfriend. Human AU where Prussia is a chemistry teacher who may be a bit loud for everyone's tastes but also has a heart that's bigger than a mountain.

Rated: T - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,560 - [Prussia, Canada] OC

archiveofourown.org: 13

Dancin’ in The Ruins by Fave101

The Reaper has been growing closer to the Guardians over the last few years. They've become almost like a family, but something they learn about the Canadian scares them. Sequel to ‘Don’t Fear The Reaper.’

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandoms: Rise of the Guardians (2012), Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Matthew Williams, Canada (Hetalia), Gilbert Beilschmidt, Jack Frost, Prussia (Hetalia), Nicholas St. North, Toothiana (Guardians of Childhood), Sanderson Mansnoozie, E. Aster Bunnymund, Pitch Black (Guardians of Childhood)

Language: English

Blackout by Fave101

Canada is believed to have one of the lowest ghoul populations in the world, but that couldn't be further from the truth. The ghouls across the country know the truth and the nation behind it.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandoms: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Tokyo Ghoul

Relationship: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Prussia (Hetalia), Gilbert Beilschmidt, Alfred F Jones, Matthew Williams, America (Hetalia), Canada (Hetalia)

Language: English

Lovesick by Ludwiggle73

Fresh out of rehab, Arthur Kirkland is ready to get his life back to normal—or, at least, as normal as a rockstar’s life can be. He’s supposed to be sober now . . . but everyone knows love can be a drug. He might have a new lease on life, but the withdrawal of a lovesick heart could very well be the end of him.

[PortEng. Past FrUK. Frain. DenNor. PruCan.] (Nyo!France.)

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationships: England/Portugal (Hetalia), England/Female France (Hetalia), Denmark/Norway (Hetalia), Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), Female France/Spain (Hetalia)

Characters:England (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), Denmark (Hetalia), Norway (Hetalia), Canada (Hetalia), Spain (Hetalia), Portugal (Hetalia), Hungary (Hetalia), Female France (Hetalia), Japan (Hetalia), America (Hetalia), Seychelles (Hetalia)

Additional Tags:Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Punk England (Hetalia), Fame, Drug Abuse, Past Drug Addiction, Friendship, Swearing, Drama & Romance, POV First Person, Guitars, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Destruction, Singing, Song Lyrics, Post-Break Up, Angst

Language: English

Demonic Romeo by Pastaaddict

A demon and an angel meet in battle and a forbidden love blossoms but how long before the wrong people find out and both are put in danger?

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Major Character Death

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relation ships: America/England (Hetalia), Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia), Lithuania/Poland (Hetalia), Finland/Sweden (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), implied France (Hetalia)/Jeanne d'Arc | Joan of Arc

Characters:America (Hetalia), England (Hetalia), Canada (Hetalia), Russia (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), France (Hetalia), Spain (Hetalia), North Italy (Hetalia), South Italy (Hetalia), Germany (Hetalia), Ancients (Hetalia), Poland (Hetalia), Hungary (Hetalia), Estonia (Hetalia), Lithuania (Hetalia), Latvia (Hetalia), China (Hetalia), Norway (Hetalia), Denmark (Hetalia), Iceland (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: Devil and Angel brothers, Starcrossed Lovers, Inspired by Romeo and Juliet, Character Death, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net under same name, more tags may be added

Language: English

How Much Wood Could Canada Chuck by RavenclawProngs

Canada has an axe to grind, but really, it's always sharp

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Prussia (Hetalia), Canada (Hetalia), Kumajirou (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: Human & Country Names Used (Hetalia)

Language: English

Series: ← Previous Work Part 7 of the Tumbling Through the World series Next Work →

Tripping Blind by RavenclawProngs

Road trip! But where are we going?

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Canada (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: Human & Country Names Used (Hetalia)

Language: English

Series: ← Previous Work Part 9 of the Tumbling Through the World series

Isolation by Fave101

Stolen at a young age, Canada has been through it all, human trafficking, drugs and prostitution. When he finally gets away he has no idea how to find his family again. Homeless and with an approaching cold winter a kind man takes him in and shows him how to make it in the world, but it's not exactly legal either.

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Matthew Williams, Canada (Hetalia), Gilbert Beilschmidt, Prussia (Hetalia), Francis Bonnefoy, France (Hetalia), Alfred F Jones, America (Hetalia), OC - Character

Additional Tags: Eventual PruCan, AU, Mercenaries

Language: English

Chasing the Moon by Anubis_2701

The efforts made by Matthias and his crew to rescue their friends have resulted in them being imprisoned. Trapped and unable to negotiate, some among them may have to strike hard bargains with their rebel captors in order to win their own freedom.

Lukas and Emilia have fought tooth and nail to get to the resistance, and fought even more to restore order within its ranks. But with their vital secret hanging in the hands of a group of criminals, their future looks more uncertain than ever.

Lovino and Feliciano have struggled to keep their identities concealed for years. With the secret of their birth out between the two, their bond is stronger than ever. But with the arrival of a talented mercenary on Rela seeking the great bounty on their heads, the two may be forced to abandon their place of sanctuary to evade capture.

As empires begin to fall and death spreads like a plague, only the brave bother to keep going.

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationships: Denmark/Norway (Hetalia), America/England (Hetalia), Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), Lithuania/Poland (Hetalia), Bulgaria/Romania (Hetalia)

Characters: Norway (Hetalia), Denmark (Hetalia), China (Hetalia), England (Hetalia), France (Hetalia), South Italy (Hetalia), North Italy (Hetalia), Canada (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), Female Lithuania (Hetalia), Poland (Hetalia), Svalbard (Hetalia), Female Iceland (Hetalia), Switzerland (Hetalia), Kazakhstan (Hetalia), Hong Kong (Hetalia), Taiwan (Hetalia), Hungary (Hetalia), Spain (Hetalia), Finland (Hetalia), Romania (Hetalia), Bulgaria (Hetalia), Austria (Hetalia), Sweden (Hetalia), Ancients (Hetalia), Egypt (Hetalia), Seborga (Hetalia), Female Germany (Hetalia), Turkey (Hetalia), Peru (Hetalia), Belarus (Hetalia), Russia (Hetalia), Estonia (Hetalia), Original Characters, Background & Cameo Characters

Additional Tags: Space Opera, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Space Pirates, Bounty Hunters, Rebels, Sequel, LGBTQ+ characters, Explicit Language, Telekinesis, Elemental Magic, Mind Manipulation, Healing, Rape/Non-con Elements, Aged-Up Character(s), De-Aged Character(s), Guerrilla Warfare, Rescue Missions, Slavery, Sexual Slavery, Assassins & Hitmen, POV Multiple, Snow, Past Child Abuse, Terminal Illnesses, Secret Identity, Military Training, Strong Female Characters, Original Universe, Lore - Freeform, Buckle up motherfuckers because this has the s l o w e s t o f b u r n s, who ever thought i would write enough of this shit for a sequel, Not me that's for sure

Language: English

Series: ← Previous Work Part 2 of the Hunting the Stars series

Pranks at the World Meeting - or, how everyone pissed off Ludwig by RunningDeer and zhejiang_loves_cacti

It all started with Alfred and Matthew playing a simple joke at the world meeting... but where will it end?

Rated for Lovino's mouth, just to be safe.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationships: England/France (Hetalia), Prussia/Canada

Characters: Prussia (Hetalia), Canada (Hetalia), America (Hetalia), England (Hetalia), France (Hetalia), North Italy (Hetalia), South Italy (Hetalia), Germany (Hetalia), Spain (Hetalia), China (Hetalia), Russia (Hetalia), Japan (Hetalia), Gilbird (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: Pranks and Practical Jokes, america is immature, everyone is immature, romano swears a lot possible ameripan

Language: English

Little Bird by random_shit

Gilbert Beilschmidt is a psychiatrist, stressed and tired and struggling to help his anorexic best friend. Matthew Williams is a traumatized, schizophrenic man who's checked into the psychiatric facility his older brother Alfred works at. Matthew also happens to be Gilbert's newest client.Updates Mondays.

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationships: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), Austria/Prussia (Hetalia) [in the past], South Italy/Spain (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), England/France (Hetalia), America/Russia (Hetalia), very briefly - Relationship, Austria/Switzerland (Hetalia)

Characters: Canada (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), Austria (Hetalia), South Italy (Hetalia), Spain (Hetalia), North Italy (Hetalia), Germany (Hetalia), Rome (Hetalia), Switzerland (Hetalia), England (Hetalia), France (Hetalia), Finland (Hetalia), America (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: this is a rewrite so bear with me, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Schizophrenia, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, mentions of anorexia, mentions of DID, Mental Disorders, Trigger Warnings, pls be careful my dudes

Language: English

Series: Part 1 of the What It Takes To Try Again series

Wallflower with Power by Moshianomo

Matthew is just a normal kid in high school. He doesn’t love it but getting kicked out? No way! He would do anything to stay! Anything! Even if that means... cross dressing... venturing out of comfort zones... and WAIT! He has to befriend the “delinquent” of the school?! Who knew high school was THIS stressful.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M, M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationships: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), Austria/Hungary (Hetalia), England/France (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), America/Japan (Hetalia)

Characters: Canada (Hetalia), Female Canada (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), Austria (Hetalia), England (Hetalia), France (Hetalia), North Italy (Hetalia), Germany (Hetalia), Hungary (Hetalia), Spain (Hetalia), a lot more lmao

Additional Tags: Super hero and villain shit, i want them to be happy, prussia and Canada ayyyyy?, prucan, this honestly feels shitty but whatever eyy, Fluff, yeah - Freeform, did I mention Canada, yeah Canada, Matthew likes Fall Out Boy yeet

Language: English

Plain Old Day by that_one_waffle

For Gilbert Bielschmidt, today is supposed to be a plain old day.

Or is it?

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: Other

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationship: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia)

Characters: Canada (Hetalia), Prussia (Hetalia), Gilbird (Hetalia)

Additional Tags: Fluff, references, just a thought i’ve Had for a while now, don’t mind me

Language: English

#hetalia #hetalia fanfiction #prucan #mod lesbian #please note that we exclude any and all fics that feature incesteous relationships especially if they are incest in-universe

3 notes · View notes

nedcanquen · 7 years

Text

Chapter 8: Mr 7th Floor

In the past two months, I moved to a new country and threw myself into full-time job-hunting. Writing took a backseat. Thank you for your patience! Still very much a setup chapter, but I’m glad to have finally gotten back to some writing.

As always, thank you so much for reading!

Pairings: NedCan (endgame), NorCan, implied NedDen, DenNor, implied Spamano, France/Jeanne d’Arc, GerIta

Image from Pexels

It doesn’t take them too long to arrive about a block away from Mathias’ cafe, and Lukas leads Matthew through to the flat. The doorman recognizes Lukas, which not something Matthew tries to think about too much. The whole time, Matthew follows behind, because Lukas is on a mission and he’s more than happy to let the older man lead. It’s an upscale place, immaculately maintained and he can tell from the fact that there are maybe four apartments per floor, that each unit must be pretty sizable. Only a Director and above could afford to live in a place like this. Matthew suddenly feels self conscious about his own humble flat, but Daan hadn’t said anything.

Lukas raps on the door and Mathias opens it after just two knocks.

“Hey guys. Come on in.” Mathias has a welcoming smile on his face but looks surprised even with the warning. Matthew can’t blame him, the visit is pretty spontaneous. He also wonders if Mathias would read more than there was, opening a door and seeing Matthew and Lukas together, standing behind it. He follows Lukas in.

‘Don’t think too much Matthew’ he tells himself. It’s late - there had been things he had to catch up on, being away for so long even if he had been doing some work from home. He and Lukas are still wearing their office clothes. Meanwhile, Mathias is showered and dressed for bed it seems, wearing a comfy looking faded shirt with a LEGO viking on it, and boxers, and Matthew does feel a little envious over the comfort. As if on cue, Lukas immediately loosens his tie and unbuttons his shirt sleeves to roll them up. It’s been a long day so Matthew does the same, unbuttoning the topmost buttons on his shirt to give himself a little more room to breathe. It’s not exactly comfort, but it will do for now.

“Have you guys eaten dinner?” Mathias asks. “Daan got home juuuuust before you messaged, so I just yelled at him that you guys were coming over while he was in the shower. He’s still not ready though. I threw a chicken into the oven after I got your message Lukas, and the steamed veggies are almost done, just gotta throw some butter on them and mash the potatoes. Nothing fancy, but it ought to fill the bellies right?” He announces as he walks into the kitchen.

“You didn’t need to make dinner.” Lukas responds as he follows Mathias into the kitchen.

“Hey hey hey...you’re a guest, sit down!” Mathias laughs and was it Matthew’s imagination? Or did Lukas look a little offended?

“Don’t be an idiot.” The shorter man huffs and grabs a plate. Mathias just laughs and seems to accept the help, though he’s scratching the back of his head somewhat nervously. Yeah, Matthew is going to leave them alone on this one.

“I don’t want to crowd you guys in the kitchen so I’ll just…” Just what?

“Yeah! Make yourself comfortable in the living room. Daan won’t take long.”

Matthew takes a walk around the main spaces, trying his best to not wander into any area that looked private or closed off. It is a sizable apartment, with long floor-to ceiling windows lighting up the living and dining rooms, which are separated only by elaborately carved screens made of a dark wood. The interior is pleasantly simple and open, light woods and carpet, the walls are mostly bare save for a large antique map and some paintings depicting landscapes, in both Japanese and European styles. Near the door, six bicycles hang from the walls on bike hangers - different types of bikes with tires of varying widths. They all appear well-used and Matthew assumes that Daan and Mathias each own a set of three. Matthew then finds himself drawn to the living room area while Lukas helps Mathias set the table.

The living room area seems to double as a library of some kind, with shelves of books and photographs. Matthew sees an adorable picture of three children - the eldest who looks about nine must be Daan, and he looks like he didn’t expect the camera to go off with the wide-eyed look he’s giving it. It makes Matthew smile, this unexpected image. Next to him is Belle, dressed in a peach-colored dress and a bow in her hair. She’s got a bright smile and together the two hold a toddler between them.

Something jumps on his shoulder and Matthew jumps too. Startled, the bundle falls into his arms and Matthew looks down wide eyed at…

“Maple…” He breathes. He’s cradling the famous baby of the three, beloved by the universe. Matthew’s heart melts even more than it did when he just saw the videos, holding this warm fuzzy thing in his arms. Unfortunately, he can hear Maple whimpering so he gently places him on the nearest couch - the same couch where Maple slept under a sunbeam. Matthew recognizes it now. “Sorry sweetheart, didn’t mean to startle you.” Matthew whispers.

He looks around and wonders where the other two are - Nijntje and Hitam. Now that he’s looking for them he sees them. Nijntje is hanging around the kitchen where most of the activity is and Hitam is napping on a shelf. He looks over and Lukas and Mathias seem to be deep in conversation. Matthew settles down on the couch and tries to figure out what books are preferred in this household.

Dutch and Danish books that he can’t understand or make heads or tales out of from their spines alone, though a few look to be a collection of fairytales and another few of Norse myth. There are a series of work related books in English such as ‘Executive EQ’, ‘Dangerous Company: Management Consultants and the Businesses they Save and Ruin’ (Matthew lets out a laugh because that’s pretty funny) and other similar things. There are some well-read novels and well-known books, and the English novels come from all over the world, or so Matthew guesses from the author’s name. All in all, a fairly diverse collection, and those were just the ones Matthew could read. The Dutch titles looked equally diverse, while the French ones seemed restricted to language dictionaries and phrasebooks to study or stay on top of the language if one didn’t speak it every day.

A welcome warmth crawls onto his lap and Matthew looks away from the books. He has to smile, stroking the soft fur. “Do I smell like carrots Maple, is that it?” Maple seemed rather affectionate for a bunny, it was no wonder Daan couldn’t resist him.

Speaking of Daan. “I’m guessing you two dropped by to talk about Arthur?”

Matthew looks up in surprise. He was so focused on Maple that he didn’t hear Daan step out, but here he is, towelling his hair and closing his room door. It’s a sight - Daan fresh from the shower, hair loose and wet and falling over the side of his face. Matthew tries to look away so he doesn’t stare but his eyes drop to the faded orange shirt Daan is wearing and he finds himself staring anyway, with his jaw dropped open.

“Fucking machine?” Oh God did he just say that out loud? But Daan was indeed wearing some old-looking faded orange shirt with giant letters exclaiming ‘FUCKING MACHINE’. Sure people got gag items like that all the time, usually as gifts but no one wore them after graduating from university!

Daan looks down at his shirt and shrugs. “I guess you can call me whatever you want but make sure it’s just Daan in the office okay? Don’t want HR asking questions.”

“No!” Matthew waves his hands, flustered. “I’m sorry I mean…”

Daan smirks as he walks closer. “Mathias!” He calls out, looking in the general direction of the kitchen. “Matthew loves the shirt you got me...hell, ten years ago now?”

“Which one?”

“The one you got me for Queen’s Day.”

“Again, which one? Oh!...Fuckering Machine, I mean Fucking Machine…” There’s a pause, and now Mathias’ laugher is booming from the kitchen too.

Lukas calls over with a roll of his eyes and a smile. “Don’t worry Matthew, you’ll get used to them. We learned a long time ago that if you try getting Daan gag gifts, he’ll just use them anyway. He doesn’t know the meaning of shame, it’s great.”

“That’s not quite true.” Daan shrugs then lowers himself on the couch next to Matthew. “You see, they kept getting me stuff that was perfectly usable. Besides, we’re so used to it now. If you hadn’t been here, none of us would have noticed.”

Matthew wonders about all the dumb gag gifts that must be accumulated somehow. “You didn’t get rid of them or pawn them off?”

“Pawn off a dick mug to who? And why waste perfectly good stuff just because of what’s written on them or what they look like?” Daan notices Maple on Matthew’s lap and smiles warmly, all for the bunny. He leans over and says some soft sounding things in Dutch, which makes Matthew freeze a little, until Daan picks Maple up and settles him on his shoulder. “Affectionate isn’t he?”

“Um...yeah. I can see why you decided that he needed to join the family.” Matthew can’t help but smile as he says this, staring at the happy bunny on his Papa’s shoulder.

“Well then, I guess we can discuss Arthur after dinner. Hi Lukas.”

Only after dinner? Lukas waves, looking at them curiously.

Dinner looks about done actually so Matthew stands and walks over. Daan lags so Matthew turns and finds him checking on Hitam on her shelf. Satisfied with her comfort, Daan follows.

“Thanks for dinner Mathias.” Matthew has to say. It was pretty good for a last-minute deal. “You often make dinner?”

Mathias lets out a laugh. “This is how I first started paying my rent! Making sure this guy ate and had a life outside his office! Which brings me to...dinner rules! Sorry guys, no office talk while we’re eating. Food talk in the home is for fun and good things that brings people together and reminds us that we have a life. You can all talk about Arthur after we finish, I’ll leave you guys to it.”

Matthew feels bad then, like he’s put upon Daan and Mathias when they’re ready to put the day behind them, but what’s done is done. He didn’t really have to follow blindly, trusting Lukas that just turning up was okay, but maybe the dynamic was different between these three childhood friends. It probably was okay for Lukas, but Matthew is the outsider here. Or not? How well had Lukas kept in touch with Daan when he was avoiding Mathias? It was an act of courage for Lukas to come here too. Matthew tries to put his concerns aside to simply enjoy the company.

Dinner is pleasant. It’s helped by the fact that the bunnies know what’s up and are clamoring to join in the meal, so Daan and Mathias have to hold a bunny each and feed them cut carrots before they’re left in any sort of peace to eat their own meal. Lukas meanwhile, gives the honor of feeding the third bunny to Matthew. “You look like you’re about to burst.” Lukas smiles. “So here.” He passes Matthew Hitam and the next few minutes are full of adorable bunny cuddles and carrot feeding.

In fact, everything about dinner is pleasant. Matthew was often anxious when he found himself in a group of people who had known each other forever, with him as the lone outsider, but this was different. Maybe it was because Lukas himself had been somewhat estranged from Mathias and Daan until recently, but any childhood memories or in-jokes were promptly explained. It was usually Lukas who would realize how divorced Matthew would be from those experiences and start explaining it, but Daan and Mathias happily jumped in once they realized it. So Matthew didn’t feel left out, he felt the happy warmth of inclusion, that three pretty impressive people wanted him there and expended effort in making sure he felt there was a place amongst them.

Or maybe they were just really polite.

Too soon, it was time to move onto less pleasant matters. Mathias retreated to his study where Matthew could see the light peeking out from under the door. Not too long later, he could hear faint music from Mathias’ room. Matthew sat back in the living room area with Maple on his lap. Thankfully, Lukas delved right into it.

“I didn’t tell Mathias that I was coming over to speak to you about Arthur. You figured it out anyway.” He began, remarkably businesslike.

Daan chuckles, one ankle resting over a knee as he sits back in an armchair. “What else could it be? Besides, Jack came to me about your concerns Matthew, after your lunch meeting. I figured I’d hear from you eventually. And Lukas, you and Arthur and that...magic club of yours-”

“Folklore.”

“Right, that folklore club of yours. So...yes, he likes to drink.” Daan shrugs. “Maybe a little too much. But, I’m his boss, not his sobriety sponsor, I judge his performance at work. If I wanted to intrude on every aspect of all my employees’ lives, I’d risk becoming Matt’s boss, and do something stupid and absolutely unfair like...pass up a perfectly well-deserving member of my team because of something that has nothing to do with the job.”

“Deflecting.”

“Seriously Lukas? You intervene with all your staff?”

“Seriously Daan? You encourage an environment where vices are normal?”

Matthew has that feeling that tends to rise up whenever bosses fight and you happen to be there. In PK&DE, he knows how to mitigate and manage the personalities there. Right now he’s not entirely sure how to to put out the fire or if these two even need it. Just how close are Lukas and Daan actually? Matthew can’t tell how real the annoyance is or how much is teasing.

“I trust my people to get their work done. What they do in their personal lives is different. Kind of...opposite of you but, we all have our styles.”

Matthew feels like he really doesn’t need to be here for this, the way they’re going on. “Um...are we here to talk about helping Arthur or debate who’s the better boss?” He asks, drawing both their attention. “Sorry if that came out...I’ve had a long day, I’m tired.”

Daan takes in a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair, he sounds a little annoyed. “I’m sorry. I’m tired too, but I really don’t know how you both think I could do more to help. Lukas, you’re Arthur’s friend, instead of coming to me and Matt, can’t you call up your own friend and drag him out on a hike or something? Matthew, I know he’s kind of your mentor, that probably makes you feel a little awkward but...you’re not a green Associate anymore and it’s about time you started believing that. You don’t need to tiptoe around Arthur, drag him out and talk to him. If you think it’ll help, make him feel bad that he’s setting a poor example for you in how he manages stress. There is literally nothing that I can do that would be even more effective than either of you just marching straight to the problem instead of coming to me.”

“We can do all of that but we would still need you to keep us informed.” Lukas shoots back. “When Arthur is out of our reach, when he’s overseas, and all he has is a job...you don’t think that a stern talking-to from his boss is going to help remind him? You could have done something before he made Partner. At least he would have had incentive to control himself, he would have put work into changing to get that promotion. Now there’s nothing to-”

“To what? Blackmail or control him with?” Daan cuts in.

Matthew shakes his head as he recalls the thrown audit-file incident. “Uh Lukas, I don’t know what Arthur was like during the MBA but...he...does his own thing. I mean, now that I think about it, with how Francis intervened with me...I think he tried with Arthur. Arthur just left the team, if he didn’t like what Daan had to say, or couldn’t make it to Partner with him, he’d just go somewhere else.”

“And you should know Lukas, because you introduced Arthur to me. The deal I made when Arthur when I brought him on was specifically not to be a meddling boss, like Francis. I take in people who I know don’t need me and can work on their own for the most part.”

Lukas stands in frustration. “Is it an unwillingness to help Daan, or are your hands genuinely tied?” It sounds like an honest question. “Because of course no one is asking you to babysit all your staff but there comes a point when a problem has grown a little too much to trust people to handle it on their own. It’s like...if Matthew here, had too many bottles of whisky and insisted he was perfectly capable of driving home, would you just let him do that and trust him at his word? Or would you make sure that he doesn’t drive home” It’s not a question. Daan looks at Matthew with a strange expression for a moment, before he turns back to Lukas.

“Of course not Lukas, it’s not even a good analogy.”

“It is Daan - it’s a perfect analogy. You shouldn’t trust Matthew if he said he could drive home because he is impaired! It forces an intervention, even if he’s punching and kicking you while you’re dragging him away from his car.”

The image is kind of amusing actually. “Why am I the example here?” Matthew tries to joke.

“It’s the same with Arthur.” Lukas continues, “His actions and ability to reason are impaired. But...it’s almost like...you don’t care because you’re his pimp. Who cares how drunk he is if someone will give you money for it.”

“Whoah Lukas!” Matthew stands between them with his hands up, trying to placate Lukas. “That’s a little...that’s a little extreme!”

“Are you seriously accusing me of being a person who just stands back and lets shit happen to people, and refuses to intervene? You?” Daan is quiet and furious behind him and Matthew feels a chill in the room.

He should have gone home. Yup, Matthew really really hates being stuck in a place with two people arguing on a personal level. This is getting personal.

“You’d do anything for the people you love Daan.” Lukas retorts in a tightly controlled monotone. “I would never question you if Arthur was your friend, because I wouldn’t have to. But Arthur is not your friend. He’s my friend, and you’ve been annoyed with me for years, rightfully so, I’ll admit. Now he’s a Partner, he’s your rival. You fought so hard to get to where you are, and let’s be honest here...we both know Arthur, and I know you. I wouldn’t be surprised if you took him on to monitor just how much you need to keep an eye on him in the first place.”

Daan scoffs. “When I spoke to Arthur about him transferring to my team, the deal was for him to take over European projects, while I took on Asia, and we’d more or less split Canada. Asia’s where the money is right now so I actually have more to do, he’s welcome to more of Canada. He’s a Partner now because I’m only one man! There’s only so much I can do, and I can only be in one place at a time! I have limits! But by the time that ambitious little friend of yours is ready to try to take even Asia for me, hell if I’m worth my salt, I’ll have a new service line by then, and a bigger role. Arthur can have the old stuff.”

That’s interesting. Matthew looks at Daan with interest. “What’s the new service line you’re planning for?”

Daan only winks. “Can’t give away all my secrets.”

It’s clean - the deal struck between Daan and Arthur, but Matthew also can’t help the disquiet he feels within. Daan and Arthur are both intensely ambitious and tough, Daan made it sound straightforward but the truth was, it is likely they will eventually clash. There is only so much either would be able to do to not step on each other’s toes.

“So let me get this straight.” Lukas replies. “You’re leaving Arthur alone because of a gentleman’s agreement?”

Daan laughs. “Did you come here to pick a fight with me or something? First you accuse me of running a loose ship. Then you imply that I should have threatened Arthur’s promotion unless he stopped drinking and maybe picked up a worse vice to get the job done. It’s obvious you don’t know how Partnership promotions work so let me explain it to you. They’re different from every other promotion in the firm. Your boss doesn’t promote you, all the partners vote and agree or disagree to let you join their ranks. For me to have carried through with the threat you wanted me to make, I would have had to speak to all the partners behind the scenes, reveal Arthur’s alcoholism, and use THAT to convince them not to promote him. That kind of thing can’t be taken back, if I had done that and they decided that he couldn’t be trusted enough to join the partnership now, that’s it for him. Alcoholism? Arthur would never make Partner, in this firm, or any firm, ever. Who knows if he’d ever find another job? Do you know how many people are crackheads or worse and are CEOs? Arthur’s vice isn’t even the worst and it shouldn’t destroy his life. You’re saying that I didn’t do my job as his boss because I wasn’t willing to do that. Then you imply that I’m letting him kill himself because I’m a pimp or I’m afraid he’ll threaten my job. First off, how dare you? I know how to keep my job and Arthur Fucking Kirkland is not going to be any threat to me. Second, where the fuck have you been Mr ‘I’m a concerned friend’, while Arthur had to figure his own methods of dealing with stress on his own? Wait I know, probably the same place you were when my best friend,” He points at Mathias’ door, the music still streaming from it, “Fucking broke because of you.”

“Okay!” Matthew yells. “This conversation isn’t getting anywhere tonight! Bad timing, bad moods, we’re tired, we’re leaving!” He strides towards the door and hears Mathias’ study door open.

“Well it looks like that talk went to shit.” Mathias says sardonically, with a glance at Daan and Lukas.

Matthew just wants to get out, “Thanks for dinner.”

“Matthew wait!” Daan has closed the distance by now to meet him at the door. “It’s late. We have guest rooms, stay the night.”

“Are you kidding?!” Matthew explodes. “I thought I was brought here to help figure out some kind of three-pronged-approach to helping a man whom I respect. Instead I had to sit there while you two fought over whatever your issues are! Lukas, if you wanted to pick a fight with him, did you really need me to drive you here to do it? Tonight? Mathias...honestly, nothing against you, dinner was lovely, really lovely, I’m just…” He looks around at the three shocked faces staring at him. “Look guys, I really really hate being in a room when people fight okay? In my experience it’s always unnecessary to expose someone else to it. It’s rude, it doesn’t solve anything, and it just makes you look really bad. See you at work.” Matthew tries to open the door again, but now Lukas speaks up.

“Matthew you’re right. You’re absolutely right. I asked you here to help and didn’t let you. I’m sorry, but please, don’t drive.”

That’s an odd request. “What?”

Lukas takes a step closer. “You said it yourself, you’re exhausted, and you’re mad. Even if I get into a car with you, we’d probably end up talking about even more distracting things, and you wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the road, I wouldn’t be able to help you because I don’t drive and backseat driving is a shit habit. We all had a good time at dinner, we can just...shower and sleep, start the new day tomorrow.”

The earlier argument about intervening to save someone’s life comes to Matthew’s mind. “I haven’t been drinking any whisky Lukas, and I’ve driven at far later hours, while even more tired before, and I never fell asleep at the wheel. Look, I drove you here, I’ll drive you back, but if you don’t trust me to-”

“Matthew.” Mathias cuts in. “Usually when people really want to do something I don’t stop them but you have to understand,” He looks at Lukas with concern, and now Matthew finally realizes that the man looks unnaturally pale. “The three of us here are pretty...cautious when it comes to driving.”

There’s a warning in that tone and it finally hits Matthew. Lukas lost his parents unexpectedly in a car accident - two people that Mathias and Daan must have also known once and mourned. Fuck. Matthew deflates and releases the door handle - he’s angry but he understands something about irrational fears. The other three men noticeably relax. “Is this why none of you drive?” They look at each other. “Whatever. Fine,” He’s still not happy with the circumstance though. The look he gives to Daan must not be pleasant, considering the other man’s expression, but Matthew doesn’t care. “Where’s the guest room?” He’s not looking forward to having to possibly sleep in a robe and wearing the same dirty clothes tomorrow.

“Well, first let me show you where the washer and dryer are.” Daan responds neutrally, as if reading his mind. Washer and dryer - of course Daan would have his own. Matthew still goes to the laundromat. Once they arrive to the back fo the kitchen, Daan gives him the brief tour. “If you throw your clothes in before your shower, you shouldn’t have to wait too long to throw them into the dryer by the time you’re done. Tomorrow morning you just need to iron them before wearing them. Also, we’re transitioning into being a zero-waste household, so we use soap nuts unless the clothes are really filthy.” He shows Matthew the soap nuts which...honestly Matthew has never seen soap nuts before in his life. He listens to Daan’s straightforward instructions about just tossing in a cloth bag with the nuts in them into the cycle, then shows Matthew the relatively simple controls on both machines. “Guest room is here.”

Matthew follows Daan into a surprisingly well-maintained guest room. Sure enough, when he opens a closet he sees clothes hanging up in it, but they’re a little small to be Daan’s, not to mention the style and cut is different, sometimes flashy. “Does someone live here?”

“No,” Daan can’t quite manage a full smirk, but tries. “But my brother Christian is fond of crashing here sometimes. He keeps stuff here so he doesn’t have to bother packing an overnight bag. Here-”

Matthew follows Daan to a dresser, where he opens to drawer to reveal a year’s supply of free hotel toiletries. “What the…”

“Toothbrush, razor…” Daan takes out the little boxes and hands them over. “As for soaps...knock yourself out, but hotel soaps are generally neutrally scented so I don’t know if there’s any point being choosy, and they’re all drying so...” He pulls out a bottle of free hotel moisturizer.

“You...never have to buy soap, shampoo, conditioner or moisturizer ever again…” Matthew can’t quite believe the ridiculous collection and amount of stuff. It’s hard to really come to terms with how much Daan must travel.

“Not quite.” Daan states proudly. “Yeah, toiletries aren’t anything I need to waste my money on for the time being, but I prefer my electric razor to these cheap plastic ones that hotels usually give out. But this is basically why we’re not quite zero-waste yet. Here,” He pulls open another drawer. “Towels. You may be…” Daan scrutinizes him, and if Matthew weren’t so peeved or exhausted, he would have felt a little more embarrassed. “Well, I got some loose clothes and a robe.”

He leaves Matthew in blissful solitude, so Matthew sinks to the bed, ready to put the day behind him. He still has to shower and launder his clothes, but not till he has that robe so he doesn’t give everyone in the apartment a show. Something soft nudges at his hand on the bed and he turns to see Maple sniffing around. His heart lifts immediately and he runs his fingers over the rabbit’s fur. “Do my hands still smell like dinner? Is that it?”

Maple climbs into Matthew’s hands and he lifts him up for some very welcome cuddling. When he hears footsteps behind in into the room, he says, “Maybe I should get Arthur a rabbit, who could drink and be depressed when you have one of these cuddling up to you and needing your care?”

Matthew doesn’t turn around even though there’s a long pause. “Kitten.” Daan says.

“What?”

“Cats are at least a little better at taking care of themselves, but still require care. A puppy or rabbit would be too much for Arthur.”

Matthew turns and sees that as promised, Daan has found some clothes he can borrow. “Maybe a very friendly tabby,” Matthew responds. “Some kind of friendlier cat at least. Arthur kind of...I think he needs something very affectionate.”

Daan chuckles slightly. “Just make sure he doesn’t spoil it, if that’s the route you’re going to take. Anyway, clothes, robe. I think that’s it for the immediate practical stuff. The only remaining thing is...the apology. I’m sorry you had to sit there, I can get defensive when someone questions how I lead my team if I don’t think there’s any substance to it, and Lukas sometimes feels like life is too short and unpredictable to give important things their time, so he’s prone to making instant decisions and following through with them based on what he, alone, feels is right. He’s not stupid, he usually makes the right decision, but whenever that decision involves me, sometimes we clash. As for everything else, Lukas and I will hash that out between us.”

Matthew oddly doesn’t feel anything. He’s annoyed of course, that he had to be put through that in the first place, but overall he’s too tired to feel right now. “I’m really exhausted. It’s a weeknight, it’s already midnight, I have a call tomorrow morning that I need to be in the office for, and I still have to get ready for bed.” The truth was, it was entirely possible be wouldn’t sleep tonight - too exhausted yes, but with too much now on his mind, and the added discomfort of sleeping in a place that wasn’t his. Sleeping in Daan’s apartment, of all places. He hated that state - too tired to sleep, but too much on his mind.

Daan nods. “Right. Well, goodnight. I’ll leave the door a little open if you don’t mind, in case Maple wants to leave and roam later.”

The thought of Maple leaving his side must have made his face fell because Daan looks fondly amused for a moment. “Fine, that’s fair.” Matthew grumbles.

With a nod, Daan leaves. Later, after Matthew has finished his shower and goes to throw his and Lukas’ clothes in the dryer, he sees that Daan and Lukas are still up, speaking softly to each other at the table with a bottle of red wine and two full glasses. If Matthew didn’t know better, he’d think they were having a date, with the dim lighting of the apartment and all, but right now he’s too exhausted to care, even though he’s just had a shower. “You two have caffeine for blood.” He complains.

“I already put the clothes in the dryer Matthew. Go to sleep.” Lukas sounds very brotherly in that moment, and Matthew imagines that this must be the tone that Emil hears all the time.

“Have a glass of wine if that’ll help you.” Daan gives him a familiar catlike smile. “Since we’ve managed to drag you, kicking and screaming from your car, one glass of red in the evening is supposed to be good for you.”

Matthew shakes his head with a laugh. “Maybe another time.”

“Well,” Daan walks to the kitchen and produces another glass and pours wine into it. “Just in case, so you don’t have to get out and hunt around later if you change your mind. Goodnight.”

“Thanks.”

In a few moments, warmed with wine, tucked in between clean sheets and a newer mattress than his own (and fluffier pillows than he’s used to), Matthew is surprised at how comfortable he is, right before he falls asleep.

#aph canada #aph netherlands #fic: Mr 7th floor #nedcan #hetaliarairpaircentral

15 notes · View notes

nedcanquen · 7 years

Text

Chapter 7: Mr 7th Floor

*Sorry it’s been more than a month hasn’t it since I updated this fic - got a little distracted last month with NedCan week and writing different stuff but I haven’t forgotten this story!

This chapter is a little different from the previous ones, mostly in that it’s very transitional (aka not much NedCan in this chapter).

Thanks for reading!

Pairings: NedCan (endgame), NorCan, implied NedDen, DenNor (I can’t believe I missed this in the last update), implied Spamano, France/Jeanne d’Arc, GerIta

Image from Pexels

“Wow Mattie! You look like shit!” Trust Alfred to state the obvious. Matthew rolls his eyes and adjusts his laptop screen so he can better see his brother. Alfred has a schedule for calls from the ISS, in addition to everything else on his plate. Between the public engagements when the whole team up there has to speak to students, or the professional ones where they speak with Houston, Korolev and other cities, other personal calls such as Al having to speak with Aunt Polly and their Dad, well, Matthew and Alfred speak once a month. It was time that Matthew ensured he never missed, even if he was sick and feeling terrible. Such as today.

“Thanks Al.” Matthew croaks carefully, it didn’t take much to send him into a coughing fit right now. “You look…tired but, happy. That’s important.” He sighs. “Ugh, sorry I’m going to be kinda medicated for this call but yeah, this bug just caught me by surprise a few days ago.” It was ridiculous. Matthew had finally decided to take some time off thanks to the leeway he got from the accident, maybe make time to go on a solo hike but no, two days after Daan became his newest friend, Matthew woke up with the telltale signs of an oncoming flu - body aches, exhaustion, a sore sinus and throat.

“Don’t apologize for being sick Mattie,” Alfred being upside down really wasn’t helping. “Like, at least it’s an excuse for you to take some time off. You work too hard.”

Matthew laughs, then coughs and regrets it. His brother literally lived his job and Matthew worked too hard? “I’m sick because I had time off. You ever get the feeling that-” Coughs, “Sometimes when you stop, your body decides to take the moment to get revenge on you?” He didn’t want to explain that the doctor had called it stress - a combination of the physical and mental burden heightening in one time that made his body weaker and more susceptible to external bugs. It was ridiculous - stress. There were millions of people he was sure, whose lives were far more stressful than his and they weren’t sick. Partners should never work, Alfred wouldn’t be in space. Matthew didn’t want to argue, he just wanted his medication and to leave, so he nodded without listening much, then left the doctor.

Of course, Alfred had to inevitably ask. “Well, it’s good that you’re taking a break anyway. What made even you decide to stop for a moment?”

Matthew smiles despite it all, imagining the echo of Daan’s laughter still bouncing off his walls. He takes a sip of the hot honey lemon he’s cradling in his hands. “I’ll type it. I wouldn’t mind telling you it’s just…” He stops again to hack up a lung. “I don’t think I’ll be able to. Though could you do me a favor and um...try not to be upside down?”

“Sure thing!”

Matthew did his best to type out the events of the previous week, but found that the old competitive streak made it hard. He didn’t want to tell his accomplished younger brother that he missed his promotion, he didn’t want to admit that he kind of got dumped but he hadn’t even told Alfred he had been dating in the first place. In the end, he settled for almost getting hit by a car for being a dumbass who didn’t look both ways before crossing the street, and making a new friend...and getting sick.

“So let me try to get this straight...you took time off because you nearly got run over by a car and that’s why you think you got sick?” He hears his brother ask over the speakers.

For all people complained about his brother being unable to ‘read the atmosphere’, the truth was well, Alfred could...selectively. Also, the selectiveness overall changed after Alfred joined NASA - the mission was important enough, the organization’s culture made up in such a way, that Alfred learned to at least be self aware and check his natural competitive aggressiveness into mere assertiveness (though Alfred sometimes still didn’t know the difference between the two). There were many at NASA and others in space programs all over the world who were smarter than Alfred (though Alfred was still the youngest, if he continued, he would lead his field at the same age most astronauts were on average), and as strong as Alfred - that kept his brother in check. They couldn’t completely get rid of the competitive man that Alfred was, but they encouraged the dreamer in him, which was arguably Alfred’s best quality when it wasn’t combined with righteousness. They also didn’t let Alfred always get his way without a good challenge. It was good overall, forcing Alfred to mature in ways that Matthew had never convinced him to, so Matthew’s pretty grateful to space for that too.

Except that now his brother was actually perceptive when Matthew didn’t want him to be. Alfred has an expression on his face, neutral save for the slightly raised eyebrow. Matthew can read Alfred well enough to know that his brother knows something isn’t being said and prepares for the needling. To his surprise though...

“But like...the flu is why you’re staying in bed, you didn’t like...break anything when you almost got hit? You sure you weren’t hurt from the car accident?” He asks in a neutral tone - neutral from Alfred means suspicious, but at least he’s not pushing it for now.

Matthew lets out a slight sigh of relief, “I got checked out after the accident, I’m fine.” Maybe he underestimates Alfred. Maybe he doesn’t actually know his brother all that well and should give him a bit more credit Maybe it’s because he’s finally noticed his brother actually trying so he feels inclined to return the favor. “It’s just...I guess…”

“Yeah?”

Matthew gives in and types out what he left out before as quickly as he can, but he’s still trying to make it sound more positive than he actually feels - he was expecting a promotion but didn’t get it, but he had been fast-tracked to begin with anyway, making Associate Director in five years would have been great but it didn’t have to happen now, he can take his time. He leaves out Lukas and simply says ‘I met a guy, it didn’t really work out but we still get along’, rather than ‘I got dumped the same day I wasn’t promoted and I felt like shit’. He’s still not entirely honest but some things, like feelings of despair, those things you keep to yourself when you speak to your competitive brother. This was a compromise of sorts. He finishes and scrutinizes the screen and the grainy video of Alfred concentrating on reading his message. He sees his brother go slack-jawed. “WHAT!!!?”

Maybe Matthew’s trust had been a little premature. He takes in a deep breath. As Alfred keeps reading the screen, then his brother’s face morphs into one of deep thought. Alfred’s ‘thinking face’ scared most people, which was probably why he tried to smile as much as he did. Matthew isn’t prepared for what he hears next though.

“You have this dopey smile on your face Mattie, are you like...into this Dan guy?”

“WHAT?! NO!” Matthew manages to yell but it causes yet another coughing fit so he stops while Alfred rattles on. He’s NEVER told Al about his crush on Daan, NEVER. How did he? Oh God, how obvious is Matthew?

“As for the dumb boss, fuck it Mattie! Just...finally claim your US citizenship, you’re eligible thanks to Dad, and move down here, earn more money and like...live better.”

Matthew rolled his eyes. Live better his ass, at least he could get most treatment at a hospital for free and expect reasonable amounts of leave compared to what he would otherwise get if he moved down south. “Al, I’m not leaving Canada just because my boss didn’t promote me when I wanted him to. And Daan isn’t actually my boss, he’s just another Partner in the firm.”

Alfred shrugs with a humorless laugh. He had never really appreciated Matthew’s job, eyes glazing over before talking about space and the next frontier. It occurs to Matthew that they haven’t actually talked about space yet, they’ve just been talking about him, it’s oddly refreshing. “Oh before I forget, do you know a lady called Yekaterina Braginskaya at PK&DE? She may be in a different city.”

That was another surprise, how did Al know about Yekaterina? “She sits on my floor actually.”

“Really?! No way! You guys have something in common!”

Matthew thinks a moment. “She knows someone on the ISS?”

“Ha. Yeah, her brother. We were talking the other day and found out that you two may actually know each other. Ivan is one of the cosmonauts here. Creepy guy if you ask me but he seems to love his sister, and he does know his stuff. Not as good as me of course, because he has no moral compass, but whatever.” Alfred grudgingly says, which makes Matthew think that whoever Yekaterina’s brother is, he’s a lot more competent than simply ‘he knows his stuff’. He knew his stuff enough that he had awakened Al’s competitive streak.

“Oh that’s…” The coincidence was pretty cool actually. Matthew had no idea but maybe he’d knock on her door whenever he recovered well enough to go back to work. “Interesting. I don’t know her well, but…I know you may scoff Al, but sometimes I do get worried about you up there. It may be good to be able to speak about that with someone.” Matthew also wonders if it is natural to be simultaneously proud but jealous of a younger sibling but that probably wasn’t something to open a first conversation with.

Alfred shrugs. “Probably how Ivan and I don’t see eye to eye on most things but we do agree that...you two deserve more. He makes her sound like sweetness incarnate but scary when she’s mad, and you’re...ha! We actually got into a bit of a competition over who has the nicer sibling and whose sibling is scarier when mad. I know you’re looking at me like I’d pick a fight over anything but man I’ve never had a real conversation with Ivan before this that wasn’t about work. Like, I told him about you and he helped me appreciate that, yeah, you’ve been promoted mad fast. I get that now, of course you have because you’re you.” Oh. It’s nice to hear praise from his brother for once. Matthew tries to remember how often he praises his brother for his accomplishments...not much to be honest. Alfred never seemed the type to need it. “But it’s also hard to imagine what you guys do over there, and I know you explain it but I just...look Mattie I try, but I glaze over. And YOU glaze over when I get beyond the surface on dark matter, so it’s not just me okay? But like...it’s kind of cartoonish I know, what we try to think up, like dull and grey and numbery, surrounded by boring dull people who give you more numbers and you’re the only splashes of color there. It’s probably not like that at all.”

Matthew laughs and coughs again at the image of two men living in space being unable to imagine something as mundane as professional services when he can barely wrap his head around what they do. “How poetic. I’m...thanks Al. I don’t really say this because I kind of think it’s a given but even though I glaze over when you try to explain it to me, I’m proud of you. I am. I feel kinda privileged to have been part of a conversation in space I mean, you two discuss your boring siblings when you’re studying dark matter, time travel or...I dunno, everything you do up there in space?”

Alfred laughs too. “We have mice up here. I don’t directly work with them but you know, they’re the closest things we have to pets up here...if you don’t get too attached to them anyway. Well, these are sibling mice. Some are up here, the others are down below as part of the control setup. We got mauldin one day I guess, and just ended up talking about the mice during our break. It was weird.”

Matthew can’t help the fond smile breaking out on his face. It was an odd story but... “I miss you too Al. And I know you’re you but...take care of yourself up there okay…”

He still feels a little sad after the call ends, well, happy and sad. It’s been nice to talk to Alfred since he’s been on board the ISS. He wonders if his newly-matured brother is someone that will remain once he returns to Earth but either way, it’s still nice to see his brother growing up. Alfred didn’t always take challenges gracefully, being a genius he was always in a class of his own. But the state of genius is a lonely place, so Matthew thinks that maybe Alfred may understand more now than Matthew ever gave him credit for before. Besides, it seemed to him that as much as his brother complained about this Ivan guy, he was probably happy to have company, even if that company is mostly manifesting as a rivalry. He tries to ignore what Alfred said about Matthew’s dopey smile

As Matthew checks his messages, he sees the email from an old classmate - someone open to taking on the job of working with Mathias. Matthew sighs and hopes for the best. For a moment he contemplates sending the promised contact to Mathias through Emil but quickly dismisses the idea. He’s not a moody teenager, he’s an adult damnit, he’s not involving a kid and besides a promise is a promise. Lukas was his friend, first and foremost and he wished him, them, the best. No matter how awkward he feels, Matthew virtually introduces Matthias and his old classmate as professionally as possible by email and hits ‘send’.

Afterwards Matthew realizes he’s bored. He’s sick enough that he can’t really go outside, tired enough that he doesn’t feel like moving about, but still restless. He supposes he should cook himself something though and realizes that he does happen to have enough for chicken soup, and hey, aren’t tomatoes full of vitamin C? It was time to finish them all up anyway.

He’s in the middle of slicing up onions and wiping tears when his phone dings.

DAAN: Universe still hate you? DAAN: Flu DAAN: Also, Mathias is grateful but is hounding me for my opinion on whether or not he should call you to thank you, or if that would be rude DAAN: I’m not going to waste time trying to imagine what’s going on in your head DAAN: So what do you want? Text or call? DAAN: Had a good talk with your brother?

The last question surprises Matthew. He had mentioned the call the Alfred in passing after watching videos of cute bunnies for about an hour but didn’t expect Daan to remember. Then again, it’s space, and also, Partners had to remember key things, so Matthew shouldn’t have been surprised. It’s Saturday, and Daan must be bored as heck when he doesn’t work. That’s the only reason Matthew can imagine for why his phone is being attacked with messages, but it brings a smile to his face all the same. After a few moments of tossing the onions into the pot, washing and drying his hands, he types a few replies.

YOU: Text YOU: Would probably have a coughing fit if I tried to talk YOU: Despite that, had a pretty good talk with the brother. Apparently Yekaterina Braginskaya’s brother is a cosmonaut. He’s my brother’s colleague. DAAN: Small world DAAN: ‘typing…’

*1 MESSAGE NOTIFICATION*

Mathias Kohler: Thanks for the intro Matthew! Heard you’re sick, that sucks man, hope you feel better soon. There’ll always be maple syrup danishes for you here once you feel better.

Matthew types out a quick reply: “Hope he manages to help you out, and thanks.”

DAAN: Need me to bring anything over so you can continue resting up?

Yeah there was no way Matthew would be able to handle that right now.

YOU: I’m contagious, but thanks. I have enough I think. And according to the doc, I’m sick because the universe loves me. Go figure.

Matthew lowers the heat to let the pot go at a simmer and shuffles over to his couch.

DAAN: I honestly don’t understand how you can call that love

There’s not much he can say to that so he just leaves it. A few minutes later though, there’s an adorable picture of Maple having a nap on a coach under a sunbeam.

DAAN: This is the universe loving a creature. Notice the difference.

Feeling oddly petty and lighthearted, Matthew pulls the curtains open wider and falls back on his old couch, letting the light fall across his face. He’s squinting and it’s an ugly picture - he’s still in his pajamas, with unkept hair, red eyes and nose, and a sickly pallour. Matthew never takes selfies, but he does let himself get pulled into them when Michelle takes them. Anyway, this isn’t meant to be a beauty shot, this is proving a point to a guy who always needs the last word.

YOU: I know it’s hard to accept the obvious sometimes, but there’s no need to be jealous.

There’s no immediate response so Matthew leaves the phone be. If he doesn’t rip himself from it, he won’t put it down all day. A few hours later after he’s happily fed and medicated, Matthew lies back down on his bed and smiles in drug-induced relaxation. It’s only then that he checks his phone again.

DAAN: Oh God you’re really gone DAAN: Go to sleep

With a shrug, Matthew does just that.

“It’s nice to see you in good spirits mate. You’re the happiest sickie I’ve ever seen.” Jack says by way of greeting. Matthew has to laugh in response. He’s finally back to work after more than a week off and he’s not completely recovered but he’s on the mend.

“Yeah well, when you almost die a few days before getting a little flu, it does put things into perspective.” Matthew shrugs. “It’s good to be alive, even sick, you get to you know, feel things.”

“That’s the spirit!” Jack laughs. “Gotta stay positive right?”

Jack settles down in his chair. This lunch appointment was for furthering the plans for Arthur’s celebration.

“Speaking of staying positive, with how limited our budget is, we can’t even get a bottle of good congratulatory champagne, or we can, but then we’d only have champagne, or we could have an actual party. I’m hoping we’re missing some zeroes because that can’t be right?” Matthew asks. Daan is known for being cheap but even Matthew thinks this is ridiculous. He had thought of asking Daan about it before he remembered he was working with Jack specifically so Daan wouldn’t have to worry about planning this thing after he approved a budget for it.

It’s not that Matthew wants the party to be a drunken celebration, he shudders thinking of some nights carrying Arthur home after office parties or even client parties (sometimes he felt that clients kept Arthur around because he amused them so much when he had a few drinks in him), but this was the ultimate promotion and it was for Arthur, there had to be *some* good drinks. People had to let loose once in a while and heck, Matthew was willing to carry Arthur home if it came down to it.

Jack smiles but his face is tight. “There’s no mistake. Look it’s a riot when Arthur is drunk because he’s so different, but bossman is pretty finished with it.”

“Still…” Matthew muses. “It’s a celebration, if we get a good bottle of champagne that’s harmless.”

“Ha! Don’t worry about it. Just blame it on Daan being cheap. That way Arthur won’t be mad at you.”

Matthew rolls his eyes. “We can’t blame everything on Daan being cheap! Has he actually been as cheap as they say? Or is it you guys using him as an excuse?” He demands, oddly defensive. To his own knowledge, he’s never personally seen this miserly side of Daan that seems to be so famous. Maybe he’s also being protective over his new friend.

“That’s right, you only met him after he made Partner. Nowadays it’s not as bad. Daan believes in hard work and earning your keep, but he’s seriously judgemental over what you spend money on. He’ll pay for your training no problem. But Arthur loving to drink obviously doesn’t qualify. The budget for a newly minted Partner should be more than this but Daan’s probably strangling it specifically so Arthur doesn’t get embarrassingly pissed, at least not on department money because...Arthur drinks...a fucking lot.”

Matthew frowns. “Can’t blame Daan I guess, and I’m not crazy about how much Arthur loves his alcohol, but he is a grown man and if that just means dragging him back for an occasional night or two…”

“Was that all you had to do before?” Jack interrupts, curious. “A night or two?”

Alarm bells are ringing in Matthew’s head. “How often is it now?”

Jack shrugs. “Well in Europe we reached a point where it was pretty much everyday. You think I got these arms from gym and rugby alone?”

Matthew’s eyes widen.

“Look mate, he can handle it, but they drink a lot in Europe and Arthur was wining and dining clients every night.”

Matthew doesn’t want to judge, he really doesn’t, but “Everyday! Look a glass of red wine everyday is normal, enjoying drinks on weekends and Friday nights probably isn’t great but it makes sense, but being dragged back because you’re passed out drunk everyday is alcoholism.”

Jack shakes his head. “Nah, I know alcoholics, they’re a mess and they always smell like alcohol. Arthur can still get to work and get the job done, and he does it well too. Wouldn’t have made Partner if he couldn’t handle it.” He thinks more and frowns. “I was only worried about him one night - that night was wild, the boys in blue were called in and some fines were paid. I dragged Arthur home while he was dressed in some porny nurse Halloween costume, still have no fucking clue where that came from. Since then, bossman has forbidden Arthur from even touching a cider at work. They cut a deal - Daan said, finish Maplecorp, deliver the best work the firm has ever seen, and he’ll make Partner as deserved. Bossman also said he doesn’t care what Arthur decides to do with his private life, but don’t embarrass the team like this. So yeah, I kinda forgot not everyone knows, it is a secret I guess. But that’s why this is going to be the most boring ass promotion party ever.”

Matthew can only stare wide eyed with his jaw drops. “What the...when did it get so bad?”

Jack shrugs. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Look I think he has a handle on it but I think it just picked up during Maplecorp. Now he’s back in Canada he should return to being the occasional social drinker since he doesn’t like going out much. Maplecorp was different - Arthur wanted to be responsible for it, and he was, and you know him...he was solely responsible. But, it was a fucking huge project. Back in Europe he just started...drinking a lot but it was client relationship stuff. That’s the best I can guess, I’m not exactly in his head. Arthur is...I dunno if this was it when he was with you guys but, Arthur is a walking mass of contradictions, but he does the job well, and he’s been a mentor to me too so I respect him but... he just doesn’t cope with stress as well.”

Jack at least seems concerned now, even as he tries to reassure Matthew but Matthew still looks away, confused. Now that he thinks about it, Arthur has been different. He didn’t know about the alcohol until now but Arthur has been more aloof even by his standards. Matthew had never seen him since he returned from the end of the Maplecorp project, spoken to him on the phone and all yes but not seen him, that also was rude of him. Matthew told himself that Arthur was busy, and maybe operating off some old etiquette book where junior staff had to go see him before Arthur said ‘hello’. But Matthew hasn’t had time to deal with that with all his problems, and maybe was scared that his old mentor would be disappointed in him, so he didn’t exactly reach out.

“Fuck.” Matthew swears in agreement. “Fine, quick fix then. Anyone in the department have kids?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, invite them, we’ll make this a big celebration, but a warm and simple one. The kids being around will give us an excuse to just buy non-alcoholic drinks like that...sparkling juice stuff packed in champagne bottles that aren’t champagne. We still get the ‘pop’, Arthur loves kids, and as far as I know, he won’t let himself go crazy around them, though he may tell them scary stories or whatever. I’ll make sure Francis brings Jean. She’s a doctor, and she’ll be able to guess if he actually has a problem or if I’m over-reacting. Kids and Jean, they’re pleasant, it’ll be pleasant. He may even enjoy himself. We’ll also invite people whom he used to work with like Belle, or friends like Lukas, if they’re free. A party doesn’t need to have alcohol to be fun, but if work is making Arthur drink like there’s no tomorrow, I don’t want him solely surrounded by work, even though this is a Partner party.”

Jack’s eyes light up. “Belle as in, my boss’s hot sister?”

Matthew rolls his eyes and laughs. “Yeah. Does Daan know you have a crush on his sister?”

Jack shrugs. “Everyone has a crush on her, it can’t be a surprise. But...good plan about the kids. I’ll let Daan know about it when I get back from lunch. If it’s non-alcoholic, we can save on drink money and actually cater real food.”

“Or make it a potluck. Get this as homey as possible.” As far as he knew, Arthur lived alone and wasn’t the best cook, as much as he tried to improve, but he wouldn’t say no to home-cooked food.

“Hey hey!” Jack laughs. “Don’t spoil my boss with the discounts! No wonder he likes you so much!”

It was a harmless statement but because of his embarassing history with crushing on Daan, it made Matthew freeze a little. Thankfully Jack just barreled on.

“My cousin makes damned good ice cream, he knows Arthur too, looked up to him once. Maybe I can convince him to make a whole lot for us at a special price. Keep the kids happy.”

Matthew nods, deciding that he’s too jumpy today. “I’ll never say no to good ice cream. Could you also think of a venue that could accommodate all this? Because I’m drawing a blank.

Jack grins. “Leave that to me. So, next week, follow-up meeting?”

Matthew nods. “Sounds good. Is Arthur in today?”

“Yeah, though he’s only free by around four if you were planning on dropping by.”

“Thanks.” Matthew sighs and leans back in his chair. It was good to be doing things again rather than just lying in bed and watching Netflix, but the human drama it seemed, was never-ending. Maybe he should leave it alone but he can’t. “You all knew?” He had to ask.

Jack purses his lips and shrugs. “It just didn’t occur to us as a problem. If it ever affected work or led any of us to harm, Arthur would be gone. But Arthur’s still great at his job.”

“So you guys are just going to wait for it to get that bad.” Matthew sighs, he can’t help himself and Jack bristles.

“Look Matthew. It may be a problem, it may not be, but even if it is, we can’t fix Arthur. The only person who can fix Arthur is Arthur. It’s nice that you’re concerned. Maybe it’s different in your team, but we don’t really baby each other in M&A, we make our own achievements. There’s a point where you have to take what you want, where you make changes to yourself. Arthur knows that.”

Matthew shakes his head and forces his anger to subside, breathes in and out. Arguing over this wouldn’t solve anything but he responds with a slight glare. “I’m worried. This is news to me I really need to see him.”

Jack nods, a little more seriously now. “Knock yourself out mate. Hopefully this is all nothing, and like you said, we’re not doctors.” After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Jack adds lightly. “Hey Matthew, you’re going to the management conference next month right?” Maybe Jack is changing the subject to erase the tension that had built.

Matthew laughs. He may not be an Associate Director but only Directors and above got to have rooms to themselves so it hardly mattered to him. “I slave away for this firm all year, I’m not missing it when they decide to treat me to a beach resort.” Not to mention, next month is July. Matthew doesn’t usually announce his birthday because he’s more than happy to share it with his country, it feels like the whole nation is celebrating with him, but a beach getaway during his birthday month is a nice bonus after all the setbacks.

Jack smiles and nods. “Great? Gotta roommate? I’ve usually been stuck rooming with Gabe, but we’re not allowed to room together again this time. Last year we stayed up late watching the Wallabies-Springbok game and apparently we were so into it that our neighbours made a formal complaint to their Partner, who took it up with Daan! Damn, they have no life! As if whenever Stanley Cup season rolls around it isn’t worse.”

Matthew smiles in amusement but isn’t sure what Jack is talking about. “Wallabies-Springbok? Is that...” He remembers the jersey he borrowed so long ago now. “Rugby?”

“That’s right. Rugby Championships, it’s a big rugby competition that’s just between four countries. When I grew up it was just called the Tri-Nations, and it was just Australia, New Zealand and South Africa - huge rivalry between those three and Gabe’s South African. It’s not like we’ll be watching next month, there’s no game, but a complaint is a complaint.”

“Oh...sure. Yeah let’s room together.” He doesn’t mind, and he figures, no sports, no crazy Jack. And besides, he has more pressing matters to be concerned about right now.

Matthew makes his way to the 7th floor at four o’clock. Arthur has been moved into a room that is two rooms over from Daan’s but it’s somewhat nice to see Arthur’s nameplate on the glass door. Unfortunately, Arthur himself doesn’t look happy. He’s on the phone at his new desk and it looks like he’s been on the phone for a while.

Arthur looks up and appears a little surprised but heartened to see him, then points at his phone and rolls his eyes. Matthew nods, understanding that Arthur is going to be held up for a while. Maybe Matthew ought to just be proactive and try to set up a lunch appointment with Arthur. As he turns around, he feels he’s already seen what he’s come to see anyway.

Arthur looks like he’s aged 10 years in the past three. He’s chubby now and has probably increased three or four clothes sizes, his gut strains against the belt that cinches his waist. Arthur’s hair looks almost grey and his skin has taken on a splotchy pink color. It could be stress alone wreaking havoc on Arthur’s body, but that probably isn’t it.

“Hey Matthew.” Jack greets, “Sorry we’re all going to be bad hosts, there’s some emergency that’s popped up, and with two different projects at the same time. That’s the breaks. Look at them, they’re both spitting flames.”

Through the glass doors, Matthew can see Daan pacing around his room and speaking at his phone in a curt tone, presumably on speaker. Echoes of his voice drift out into the main seating area and Matthew realises he can’t understand a word of it. It doesn’t sound like a European language either. That’s not really important though, what’s striking is that Daan is older than Arthur, and right now Arthur looks like he’s Daan’s pissed-off uncle, well no, there’s no resemblance between the two of them, but it’s still shocking. Matthew finds he can’t really speak so he just nods. He looks around at the stressed out team - they’re oddly quiet by their standards, rapidly typing on their computers or holding phones to their ears, presumably also taking part in the calls that their ultimate bosses are commenting on, or on some other business. It’s normal for them, no one seems to think there’s anything odd with the picture. Matthew can understand new staff not being concerned, but the guys like Jack who have been here for a while and have seen what Arthur used to look like?

Maybe it’s stark only because they saw Arthur’s transformation gradually, whereas Matthew saw him three years ago and can see the drastic change.

Matthew doesn’t know if he should be asking Lukas for help. Arthur is his old mentor and their relationship is mostly professional, but Arthur and Lukas are former MBA classmates. They had apparently formed some kind of folklore or naturalist club (he can’t recall the details) together with another Romanian student, or so Lukas had informed him when they first met. Matthew also doesn’t know if it’s his place to seek an intervention. He’s not Arthur’s family or friend, and it appeared his entire team had decided to respect Arthur’s autonomy. Maybe that’s the right thing to do. What he wants to do kind of smacks of Alfred, interfering with things because he just wanted to help, sometimes going where he wasn’t welcome. Either way, maybe Lukas would have an opinion on that, it wasn’t exactly something Matthew could figure out on his own.

Ultimately, Matthew pressed the call button, because Lukas wasn’t attached to the firm. If Lukas decided to have a sit down with his friend well, that would be more appropriate.

“Hey Lukas, is this a good time to talk?” He’s sitting in his car driving home, and hoping that Lukas is either sitting in the quiet of his office or also on the way home.

“It sounds like something is wrong?” Lukas answers with concern. “I’m still at the office but I can talk.” There’s an edge of uncertainty or questioning in the voice. Matthew can’t blame Lukas, he didn’t expect himself to be calling so soon either, but some things were bigger than you.

Matthew hears a door closing. “Have you seen Arthur since he’s been back?” He asks.

There’s a pause. “No. Either he’s too busy or I’m not free. Haven’t tried my best to be honest. A lot’s been going on.”

Yeah no kidding. Matthew takes a deep breath and explains what he just learned about Arthur, at least what he thinks. “So...what do you think? Am I overthinking this? Is there actually a problem with...alcoholism here? Is this something that’s happened before? You know him better than I do, to me he was mostly a mentor and mentors usually try to be the best versions of themselves to the kiddies.” He tries to joke to lighten things.

Lukas doesn’t immediately answer. “...can you pick me up at the office?”

That didn’t sound good. “Uh yeah, I’ll just turn around.”

Later, when Lukas climbs into the passenger seat, he’s all business. “Hi.” He greets.

“Hi.”

“We’re going to speak to Daan.”

“WHAT?” Maybe Lukas feels free and easy to just drop in on the man, but Matthew has only been his friend for a week. Granted he didn’t answer any of Daan’s messages today because he’s been thinking and worried and kind of angry as well if he’s honest. Sure, Arthur’s state isn’t Daan’s fault but anger doesn’t know logic and Matthew gets that. He also knows he’s merciless when he is angry so wanted some time to sort out his feelings before snapping unnecessarily.

“Arthur drank a lot during the Masters.” Lukas starts to explain. “It was still university days, a lot of us did that, who doesn’t? But there were points that got embarrassing. He stopped after the first year, and changed his image from the punk kid I first met - that’s just appearances though. So yes, it could be a problem, Arthur’s always had the potential. Daan should know if this is actually a problem, and if there needs to be an intervention, the three of us together can come up with a better plan.”

“I’m not sure how...I mean, his boss? His friend and his former junior staff member? I’m concerned but I also don’t know how much of a right I have to be here I mean-”

“You cared enough to call me. Who cares about rights?” Lukas cut in. “People are...people. When it comes to things like these, people care about you or they don’t. Which isn’t to say that the people around Arthur don’t care about him, I’m sure they do, but they probably feel restricted by certain boundaries, like you just mentioned - boss and employee, acquaintance, mentor and student. But if you’re concerned, you’re just concerned. If Arthur responds angrily to that and let’s face it, he might, it wouldn’t be forever. He’ll come to his senses eventually.”

Matthew grips the steering wheel and just nods. “Should we tell them that we’re heading over?”

Lukas shrugs. “Fine.” He pulls out his phone and Matthew sets the address into the GPS.

#fic: Mr 7th floor #nedcan #hetaliararepaircentral

12 notes · View notes

nedcanquen · 7 years

Text

Chapter 6: Mr 7th Floor

Pairings: NedCan (endgame), NorCan, implied NedDen, DenNor (I can’t believe I missed this in the last update), implied Spamano, France/Jeanne d’Arc, GerIta

Photo from Pexels / Pixabay

Matthew doesn't know why he’s once again, riding the elevator to his desk. It’s an odd kind of detachment, he’s controlling his body but he isn’t. It’s on autopilot, but mostly because he doesn't know what else to do when he wakes up that morning. Well, he doesn't really wake up, because he hardly slept in the first place, so he went for a run. After the run failed to do whatever it was he wanted it to (he had no idea), Matthew showered and got changed for work. The best explanation he can give himself is that it’s routine, and routine is comforting right now because he doesn’t have to risk thinking - down that path led to ugly doors and ugly thoughts. Still, Matthew’s brain isn’t the type to just fully shut off, it needs something to be distracted. Right now, between Francis’ command that he take a step back from work, the reality of fighting his personal demons over his lost promotion and lost potential relationship, or being a workaholic, the latter was sadly, the much preferred option. He knew how to work, he could do it on autopilot, but perhaps his mistake hasn’t so much been being a workaholic, but that he’s been focusing on the wrong thing.

“Patrice, Sylvie, sorry for the short notice, but how about we change our setting and have a brainstorming session?”

His team has been walking on eggshells around him all week and it’s not healthy. It’s one thing for his unprofessionalism to affect himself, but it crosses a line when it affects everyone else. It’s time to fix that. He’s lucky that the team is pretty self-sufficient but still. Patrice smiles and nods while Sylvie looks relieved. That’s a good sign at least. To continue the positive mood, Matthew decides to completely change their scenery. They pack up their computers and walk to the building across the street to set up in the firm’s bar.

The PK&DE bar is actually located on the opposite building of the one where he usually works - an odd halfway measure to compromise PK&DE’s rapid growth - they had to rent floors across the street to seat everyone comfortably. On normal days the extra walk can be frustrating, but today it turns out to be a good thing because the distance liberates him in a way and he can be the mentor that he needs to be. He still takes pride in being a professional and the work that he does, the lack of a promotion wouldn’t hurt otherwise, but he hasn’t been doing a good job of being that professional in the past two days.

Their productivity is off the charts that morning, so this is definitely a good call. Sequestered away in their own corner, Matthew walks Patrice and Sylvie through the process of actually resolving the issues they raise in their audit reports based on what they’ve learned from sitting with the client for months. Well, Patrice should be promoted to Manager soon so he’s been through this before, but for Sylvie it’s still a process of being given knowledge. She needs more experience before she’ll be able to connect the dots. Without exposure to sessions like these though, there are no dots to connect. It’s not good enough to write a long audit report and flag problems. PK&DE charges a premium because they’re supposed to be able to deliver more. Clients were not receptive to inane textbook issues and answers after putting up with you sitting in their office for months, digging through all the paperwork of the past year and knowing that audit findings could cost them their jobs. If they raised an audit point, it had to actually be something worth raising, and something worth raising, needed a worthwhile solution.

They’ve drawn mind maps with a spider’s web of linkages and scribbles on several pieces of A3 recycled paper that’s been taped together and covers two tables. They could do it on a computer, but there’s some kind of connection that the brain makes when you physically draw something out, especially drawn out this big when you’re discussing it at the same time. It helps to make sure that Sylvie is adding her own notes to the mind map as well so she feels invested and can therefore contribute more to the process - she’s the one literally sitting at the client’s and reading through every single document they have, so she is the one with the most knowledge here.

Having the issue illustrated in front of them also makes the knots somewhat easier to unravel. Matthew is already drawing links to where the problems are and potential solutions lie and he can coach Patrice and Sylvie towards them as much as he can without giving the game away. For Patrice he’s mostly teaching management skills by this point, so really it’s Patrice doing most the leading with Matthew jumping in occasionally and filling in whatever gaps are missing.

Matthew feels better already, and it’s good to be reminded of these rare moments of accomplishment, hidden behind the many more moments of frustration behind office politics or administrative paperwork that otherwise takes up his time. Matthew does care about his team, and it’s likely a more healthy driver, to be driven by working with good people, rather than believing that your life is worthless if you aren’t the best at everything. It’s easier said than done though. It also doesn’t take away the reality that Matthew is an introvert by nature and part of the reason why today is working out so well is because he’s only sharing space with two people, rather than everyone in the department, as much as he likes them. It’s also a lesson in trust, he knows that sometimes he takes on too much of the work because he doesn’t want to overwhelm the younger staff. He does less of that now, but he needs to figure out better ways to do that more often and let them have the hands-on experience for themselves without him abandoning them. Some things you have to let people experience and fight through for themselves after all.

“You could have booked a meeting room - those have whiteboards for you to play with.”

They turn and greet Ha, who’s walking to them. Matthew is grateful that she hasn’t sat him down and demanded that he leaves Francis, or asked him what he feels or needs to do. Matthew supposes that she just knows he needs some time to calm down. After all, he knows her well enough to know what she would do in this situation - fight tooth and nail then leave (she is terrifying if you get on her bad side), but he’s not Ha, or Michelle, or Arthur for that matter. Matthew wishes more than occasionally, that he could be more like Arthur, or Daan, or even Alfred when it comes to work, if he’s being honest. It would certainly make things much easier, but he’s not. He’s just Matthew, and it’s exhausting to try to be someone else.

But ‘exhausting’ is oftentimes still easier though, because now he has to re-figure out who ‘Matthew’ is. Today seems to be a good start on that.

“Meeting rooms are all booked, I already tried.” Matthew responds. “HR is on a hiring push. I don’t want to interrupt the hopefuls. What’s up?”

“Lunch?”

Matthew looks at his watch - it’s 11.55 already, where has the time gone? Ha is looking over at their mind map and Matthew has to shake his head. “You guys go ahead. Thanks for coming all the way to get me but,” He wants to avoid potential uncomfortable questions over how he feels, which may come up at a lunch setting but not an office setting. “But I think I want to keep working on this. I can grab something here anyway.”

But Ha just smirks and winks, she’s looking at his computer screen now. “No need to lie Matt, I can keep a secret you know.” She whispers, giving a sly grin to both Patrice and Sylvie, who look confused but dangerously intrigued.

“What?” Matthew asks with some worry.

“Oh so he didn’t tell you two?” Ha asks Patrice and Sylvie.

“Secrets Matthew? I’m hurt.” Patrice jokes and Sylvie just smiles, waiting for the punchline. Yeah, Matthew wants to know it too.

“It’s exciting but don’t you think it’s a little too soon?” Ha is leaving the question open ended. Too soon after what?

Matthew still has no idea what she’s talking about. Something nags at the back of his mind though. Ha’s expression slowly changes as she realizes he isn’t lying.

“Your calendar Matt, it’s showing a lunch appointment with Daan deBoer at noon.” She waves her hand at his screen.

“OH SHIT!!!”

“OH WOW!”

“WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!”

Somehow all of this was exclaimed at the exact same time. Matthew forgot. How had he forgotten lunch with Daan?! Fuck fuck fuck, it’s 11.56 now, and it’s lunch hour he’s going to be late because the elevators are slow as molasses uphill during lunch and of course this is the day he decides he has to work in the OPPOSITE building! It’s too late to send a message now and all he can do is run. “My computer! The mind map!” It’s confidential, all of it, and yes these are technically the firm’s grounds but Matthew hasn’t locked his laptop to the table as IT policy insists he does and they follow a strict clean desk policy.

“We’ll take care of it Matthew! We’ll bring everything to your desk, just GO!” Ha yells.

Matthew is a good head taller than her but he’s not going to argue with that tone or expression so he sprints out of the bar and desperately presses the elevator button several times. He had barely looked at his laptop all morning, since he was so focused on Patrice, Sylvie and the mind map, and with how much he had shut down parts of his mind, fighting between indulging in the voice that emphatically berated him for being forgettable and not good enough and stamping it out with everything else, he had plain forgotten. It was embarrassing to the extreme. The elevator doors finally open, filled with disgruntled and hungry workers but Matthew pushes himself in anyway.

He’s not a small man. Usually it’s not a problem, but now he gets some stares, no doubt annoyed at him for insisting on entering a full elevator, but Matthew spares them that as soon as the doors open by sprinting out the doors. The building doors slide open fast enough and he can see Daan standing across, as he promised, in the lobby of the opposite building and looking at his watch. Matthew knows he’s late, Matthew knows that Daan has a reputation for hating tardiness when he’s in Canada, Matthew sprints across the street and hopes that he can be forgiven for a few minutes since this is the first time they’re having an appointment.

Matthew doesn’t see the car. He sees Daan look up with a frown on his face that quickly turns into alarm. Then he hears the horn, the screech and burnt scent of stressed brakes and a car taps him just enough to make him fall off balance onto the road, more from shock than any actual impact. He lands on his shoulder. If the car doesn’t stop, there’s nothing to save him, but thankfully it doesn’t move. Matthew lets out a breath and realizes that he doesn’t feel hurt, it’s just the smell of engine and rubber that’s assaulting his nose and eyes. He looks up at the nose of a silver Porsche and hears someone wailing from inside the car. Matthew rises so fast he feels dizzy and has to lean on the car hood for a moment, but his main concern is making sure that whoever’s in the car is unhurt from such a sudden braking, especially in a car this powerful. A shocked blonde man with somewhat disheveled, but mostly slicked back hair is sitting on the driver’s side, holding a smaller crying man with auburn hair.

Footsteps run up beside him and Matthew feels himself manhandled off the road to the safety of the sidewalk. He looks up to ask the person to release him, he’s being held with a desperate grip on the forearm that he didn’t fall on and it’s not helping - oh. It’s Daan. Of course it’s Daan. And he looks absolutely livid.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”

Matthew opens his mouth but no words can come out because at this proximity, Daan’s angry voice sounds like it has an echo. Matthew also doesn’t appreciate being yelled at, but he has to admit that what he just did was pretty stupid and dangerous, and not just to himself. A car door slams and Matthew turns to see that the car has pulled over to the side and the blonde driver has stepped out of it. It wasn’t an echo, it was Daan and this man yelling at him at the same time. “I’m sorry.” He says to the other blonde man, who looks uncomfortably familiar.

“And you…” Daan glares at the approaching man. “Are you blind as well as fu-”

“Daan it hurts.” Matthew says calmly, tensing the arm where Daan is still gripping tight. It’s an exaggeration, Matthew can take pain, but he’s finally remembered who the two men in the car are and he doesn’t want Daan to say something absolutely career-killing over a dumb mistake that Matthew made.

Daan stops mid-rant and looks back at Matthew, bewildered, as he drops his hand. “I’m sorry. But damnit Matthew-”

“Luddy!” The formerly crying man has stuck his head out the window completely, and is calling out from across the road. It didn’t look like Daan was going to get to finish his sentences, for that, Matthew is grateful. “Everyone’s alright? I have tomatoes in the back, let’s feed everyone tomatoes! All will be well!”

What? That is the most random thing Matthew has heard today but he also hears some laughter from the crowd that has gathered at the lobby and on the side of the road. ‘Luddy’s’ face lights up with a slight smile, so it seemed to be the right words to break the tension. Until today, Matthew has only known of Feliciano Vargas by reputation. He’s a male socialite who is a social media celebrity and has a reputation for randomness with a strong streak of social genius. This is a man who can act stupid and do stupid things but make a lot of money off of it. He understands people in a way Matthew knows he never will.

“Oh...joy.” Daan seems to murmur to no one in particular and doesn’t look particularly joyful. Matthew looks back at Daan while Daan looks back at him with wide eyes. He tugs Matthew closer and says more calmly. “You’re lucky to be alive. If it were Feliciano behind that wheel, and not Ludwig, you wouldn’t be.”

“He is right about that.” Ludwig Beilschmidt, Managing Partner of Heta&Lia, approaches them. He had taken over as Antonio’s successor after a scandal. A man built from completely different cloth from Antonio, Ludwig was an Assurance man all the way, just like Matthew. He was likely selected to give his firm undoubted integrity after that mess, and his famous husband gave Ludwig some degree of likability, even to those who thought he was too stony. But the ‘stoneman’ only ever melted for his ridiculous husband. Seeing has how he had inadvertently made Feliciano cry, Matthew now knows that if he ever wants to change jobs, he may as well cross the entirely of Heta&Lia off his list. “Are you alright?” Ludwig asks.

Matthew blinks in surprise. “I was going to ask the same about you and your husband. I’m alright, you barely tapped me.”He holds his arms up, as if to prove it. Other than some minor scrapes and bruising that Matthew can feel, he is fine. The reality is exhilarating. Thanks for…” Not driving over him? “Stopping, that was entirely my fault, I’m so sorry.”

He could say a lot more, how his mind has been anywhere but present this whole week, but it sounds silly now. Matthew can barely contemplate how sad it truly would have been if he had died in some meaningless accident with his mind anywhere but here, sad and upset about his life. “I really haven’t been...I’m sorry. If there’s any damage to your car…” Matthew gulps, even a minor problem on a Porsche would probably be monumental.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Daan scoffs. “Ludwig, he’s one of mine. He was running to meet me. If there’s a problem, let me know.”

“No!” Matthew objects, but Ludwig simply nods.

“I checked just now. There is nothing. If my brakes were to break over such a thing, Porsche should not be selling cars. And Feliciano and I are alright. You really have no idea how Feli drives. I actually hope that this experience will instill some sense into him.”

Daan lets out a snort. “If you believe that, there’s a bridge I’d like to sell you Ludwig.”

“Hey!” It’s Feliciano again, who seems to have snuck up behind them, holding a small box of the tomatoes he promised. “I offer you tomatoes and that’s how you repay me? They’re free tomatoes Daan! Don’t you like anything that’s free?”

Amazingly, Daan rolls his eyes and cracks half of a sarcastic smile. “Yes, yes, and you only care about food and fashion, Ludwig is stupid and has no sense of humor, Matthew here is niceness incarnate and oh what else have I forgotten? I received coupons for all my birthdays and went Dutch on every date.”

“I do have high food standards! Don’t pretend you don’t agree!” Feli teases, dropping the box into Daan’s arms. “And don’t you dare go Dutch on this date, this guy almost got run over just to see you!”

The words fall on Matthew like a ton of bricks.

“Fe-Li…” Ludwig grumbles.

“What?! Oh give me a break! The whole industry’s been repressed since Antonio! It’s ridiculous!”

Ludwig sighed but his lips are still upturned, fond. “It is not ridiculous Feli, and not everyone who eats lunch together is on a date. I’ve also explained why, multiple times, that what they did was-”

Feli waves his hand with an impatient flourish. “It’s a job Luddy! A job! You can always find a new job but your soulmate? That’s for life!”

They’re all silent for a few beats then, and Matthew can’t quite believe how unbelievable this week has become but here it is. It has cumulated into his narrow avoidance of being manslaughtered by the man in charge of a rival firm, who’s being told off by his husband for thinking that Partners should not tie up people to their desks to publicly have sex with them. Okay, fine, Matthew is being uselessly pedantic, that’s because he knows Feliciano’s words are going to echo uncomfortably with him for a long time. There really isn’t any argument one can put up against what he was saying, which is why they’re all standing there uncomfortably and Ludwig finally takes his husband in his arms and starts murmuring something that Matthew assumes is Italian but with an odd accent. Meanwhile, Daan simply rolls his eyes and begins studiously gazing at the label on the box of tomatoes in his arms - a funny distraction, but at least he has one. Matthew is quite jealous of him in this moment.

“Right, well…” Matthew decides to say because he needs to get out of this awkward situation right now! “Thanks for the tomatoes, I think I’ll get going.”

“Wait!”

“What?”

Ludwig and Daan both yell at him the same time. Ludwig wants him to wait it seems, while Daan looks equal parts worried and offended.

“I mean…” Matthew desperately waves at Daan. “You’re hungry aren’t you?”

Daan just gives him an exasperated look while Ludwig sighs loudly. “At least let us take you to a clinic to get checked out! You cannot simply go walking on back to work!”

Oh right. He looks at the husbands and for some reason feels even more exhausted at the idea of dealing with them for any longer. On any other day he could do it, well no, any other week. But not this week. Feliciano is...a little too much honestly and Matthew feels exhausted at the thought of having to deal with him for more than five minutes. Ludwig is...well the sad part is, he’s kind of the role-model of any auditor and Matthew isn’t so sure he likes the image of Ludwig as his future self. Also, the codependency they exhibit - he’s not sure if it makes him jealous or makes him cringe. “Thank you but I’m really really..ready to move on from this. I’ll take myself to the clinic, I promise I’m absolutely fine.”

Ludwig looks like he’s about to object so Matthew squares his shoulders and puts more authority in his voice. “If I have any other questions or feel odd for any reason, I will get a hold of you. I really appreciate everything, truly but you’ve done everything you can - most importantly, you didn’t kill me. No one is harmed.”

Ludwig at least gives him a sympathetic look. Matthew feels that the man can understand him at that moment. “Right. Well, enjoy the tomatoes.” Ludwig says. “Matthew, if you feel odd for any reason, definitely give me a call and I will organize a visit to a specialist for you.” He hands Matthew his card, even though Matthew can likely find him through an online search. Then again, he sees the handwritten mobile number written on it and takes the card. It does help, having the direct line rather than having to jump through unnecessary hoops.

“And Daan.” Ludwig turns to Daan. “If it makes you feel any better, they are good tomatoes. You know how picky -”

“Yes, yes.” Daan cuts in tersely. “Even psychopathic nutjobs can have hobbies and be good at them.” He waves farewell immediately after, and Matthew does the same, pondering those words.

After some polite farewells, Ludwig and Feliciano turn to leave, then Daan calls out, “Wait, Feliciano, how is your brother doing?”

Feliciano turns with a warm smile. “He’s happy Daan. Happiest I’ve ever seen him.”

Daan just nods. They leave and Matthew wonders what that was all about. Daan hands him the box before he can ponder too deeply. There’s a giant label on the side that boldly displays the brand ‘LOVE’S TOMATOES’ that temporarily confuses him.

“Wha?”

“You’ve kind of earned them, I mean, you did survive getting hit by a car and Feliciano isn’t lying when he says he’s picky about his food. I saw the trunk when he opened it to get these, the whole damn thing is full, no wonder he’s trying to give some away...” He rambles. Daan rambling, this week has gotten odder. “Honestly though, are you alright? I’m sorry for grabbing you earlier.”

Matthew can only nod. “It’s okay, I mean, I feel alright, but after lunch I’m going to a clinic just to get checked out, and then I’m definitely going home. I’ve learned my lesson. This is the type of week where I should just stay in bed.”

Daan laughs and nods. It occurs to Matthew that Daan is uniquely positioned to know about all of the blows Matthew has suffered this week, and maybe that’s why he wanted to speak to him.

“Well that’s good at least.” Daan says. “But why don’t you go now? I’ll come with you. At the very least, you need someone to help you carry a box of tomatoes.”

Matthew shakes his head and also finds laughter bubbling out from himself. “This is the most random thing, ever, I mean…”

Daan shrugs. “That’s Feliciano and Ludwig for you. The most unlikely, sickeningly sweet couple you’ll ever meet. You’d expect that level of mutual codependency to explode but it seems to work on them. You know they’re actually childhood sweethearts? Poster childs for choosing to stay together and accept change...a lot of it.”

Matthew has to smile at that, he doesn’t believe in two people staying together no matter what if it causes more pain than good, but Ludwig and Feliciano seem especially happy together, despite their differences.

“Which is also why Feliciano never had to grow up, well, they’re both kind of unevenly matured, to be honest. Ludwig is emotionally constipated because Feliciano can project enough emotion for three people and Ludwig handles all the responsible things, like drive in the city, so that Feli doesn’t accidentally kill anyone. But they’re happy.”

Matthew smiles and shrugs. “Well, to each their own. Anyway, I can put the box in my car, I’m not parked too far.”

Daan nods and they set off. “You know,” He starts, not too long into their walk. “If you need to be late, that’s...fine, I know it happens. Just let me know ahead of time.”

Matthew doesn’t want to admit that he forgot their lunch appointment, so he just nods and smiles out of habit, before he realizes that he’s too tired to continue swallowing things down all the time. Besides, as significant as Daan is to the periphery of his life, if Matthew is going to offend the man, he may as well do it now with some honesty rather than later when it would actually hurt.

“Uh yeah about that...I’m sorry, I was having a brainstorming session with my team and we got carried away. I completely forgot and didn’t look at my phone or computer or anything...”

He tries to bury his face in the tomatoes but that’s not a good solution. From this close he can see how good they are though.

“Alright then,” Daan shrugs. “That happens too, but when it does, I’d like to imagine that whatever I’d lay on you is better than this. If it’s not, well, just say so.”

And that was that. Simple, except there are weeks where Matthew is willing to put up a fight and weeks where he’d rather avoid one. Still Matthew is relieved, yet he wants to kick himself for his habit of making mountains out of molehills. It’s a little funny that Daan thinks it’s so easy for anyone to just tell him anything, but maybe it is for his actual team members.

It’s strangely comfortable and companionable after that, having Daan as a walking partner on these familiar streets. As nervous as he is, Matthew doesn’t really want their conversation to stop, though right now it’s inane and work-related. Daan is kindly not bringing up Mathias and Lukas, or the fact that he hasn’t been promoted, maybe because he’s also recovering from the fact that he almost saw someone get run over. He seems a little...overly engaged, like he’s trying too hard.

When they reach the car, Matthew’s much more humble twelve-year-old Ford pickup, at least in comparison to a Porsche, Daan takes the tomatoes so Matthew can get his keys to open the car.

“Do you need me to drive?” Daan hesitantly offers. “In case you’re still shaken up?”

Matthew let’s out a chuckle. “Thanks but, no offense, you seem more shaken up than I am. Box can go in the back seat, thanks.”

“Hey!” Daan objects. “You’re fine now, wait till the adrenaline disappears! You’ll be exhausted in seconds. Also...I don’t really like driving, that’s where more of the nerves come from.”

What? “Really?!”

Daan shrugs. “I can drive, sure, but I feel better when I’m cycling. Driving a car feels too, hmm, stressful. You’re always surrounded by idiots.”

“I don’t see how cycling on the same road as those idiots with no protective casing or air bags makes that better.” Matthew retorts honestly, now a little worried. He knew that Daan liked to cycle but not this much.

Daan smiles and climbs into the passenger seat next to Matthew. “I’ve been cycling for as long as I can remember, it’s like walking or talking for me, I’ve been driving for far less years. My reflexes are better on a bike.”

“What about winter?”

The man shrugs as Matthew climbs into his own seat. “It’s the same as winter driving - you change your mindset, make sure you have the right equipment…” He shrugs. “And if it’s really bad out then yeah fine, you can’t cycle, but you can’t really drive either. It’s not that big a difference.”

There kind of is. “Buying groceries?”

Daan gives him an incredulous look. “I’m just one guy, I don’t need a car to hold them all, and my housemate,” It’s the first mention of Mathias all day and Matthew imagines that Daan says the word rather pointedly. “Buys his own stuff. If we’re really desperate we get a supermarket to deliver. How much do you eat at home?” He teases.

Matthew can’t really imagine life without a car at all, so finally he settles on, “If the heating in your building goes out in winter, where do you run to so you don’t freeze to death?”

Daan laughs. “That has never happened, but I guess if it really came down to it, the cafe isn’t too far from where we live and it’s a different building.”

Matthew gives up, if Daan can’t see the correlation between Matthew’s recent near accident and literally cycling everywhere... “Right, well, we’re going to the clinic. If you get hungry, holler and we’ll stop there first instead?” Besides, if Daan avoids driving to that extent, he’s not trusting the man with his car.

“Nah, clinic first.” Daan answers the unspoken question as he buckles his seatbelt. It’s all so casual, as if they’ve been friends for a long time.

Matthew nods, figuring that both of them wouldn’t really have an appetite right now. “Then take out and we can eat at my place, and then I’m serious! I’m asking the doc for the rest of the week off and I’m not leaving my bed!”

It’s only after he says it that Matthew realizes what he’s just done, but he can’t hit himself in front of Daan, so he starts up his car instead.

The doctor gives Matthew the rest of the week off, a clean bill of health save for some scrapes and bruises (as expected), sleep aids and at Matthew’s final hesitant request and brief discussion, a referral to a therapist. Matthew has no idea if it’ll actually be effective, and his promise to Lukas is probably not binding anymore, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a good idea. Maybe it was almost getting run over earlier in the day, but Matthew is willing to think a little differently, even if he’s still hesitant to make life-changing decisions in the heat of the moment. He’s not actually going to get the rest of the week off, there’s too little notice, but Francis said that Matthew can claim the lost time back. Matthew is grateful but he wonders if time will allow him to actually do that. Or if he wants to. He still doesn’t know what to do with free time or with himself. There are meetings he has to ‘attend’, which he will do by calling in or video conferencing, and he’ll work on urgent deliverables in the quiet of his home. Backup plans were made, emergency texts were answered as much as possible. Now all Matthew has to try to do is relax a bit.

Lunch is terribly indulgent, but hey, if you can’t indulge after surviving a near-death experience, why live? They pack two giant burgers from Harveys and head over to Matthew’s flat (Daan actually insists on paying for the burgers - survival comfort food, as he calls it). It occurs to him that since this crazy week started, he’s had guests over for three days in a row. His dining table is being used more than it has in years. With the exception of the previous night’s unpleasant ending, he was always happy to welcome these friends into his home. He also knows that at some point he will be ready to welcome Lukas into his life and home again, it’s not like he wouldn’t open the door if Lukas knocked on it tonight after all. But Matthew had never been nervous with these other guests. That is not the case with Daan behind him as he opens his door. Daan is probably the last person he ever expected to end up in his home.

“Right well, it’s humble, but it’s home.” Matthew hangs his keys on the hook next to the door and feels at a loss for a moment, not having a heavy bag to set down either. He had texted Ha earlier as well to help him bring his stuff over afterwards.

For now though, it is nice to come home without the added weight of his laptop hanging on his shoulders.

“Thanks for having me,” Daan says, somewhat formally after walking in. “Uh do we need plates?”

Matthew laughs nervously. “We’re going to rough it, straight from the wrap, if you don’t mind.” He really didn’t feel like doing the dishes afterwards. He also really didn’t know why he invited Daan over without thinking about it, at that moment he had just desperately wanted to retreat home. “But if you want plates, they’re in that cupboard over there.” He points it out.

Daan shrugs with an amiable, “Wraps it is.” And places the box of ‘Love’s’ tomatoes on the kitchen counter. As Matthew walks over to his table with the takeout, Daan calls out. “Want some fresh tomatoes with that? They’re pretty good just sliced up with olive oil, salt and pepper.”

There are already tomatoes in the burgers but okay, he may as well experience how good these tomatoes are, presumably grown by Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo. It had been years since he had thought of the man, but he supposed Feliciano did have a point. Ever since the scandal, inter-firm relationships between management and any kind of junior staff seemed to have shuttered to a halt, at least publicly. If Matthew were younger and had first had his crush on Daan after the scandal, he probably would have been allowed to forget it. Heck, he wouldn’t have admitted to it in the first place, 3am or no.

“Sure. Salt and pepper’s on the table, olive oil in the cupboard above the stove on the right, knife’s in the drawer next to the sink, uh, second drawer down.”

It was a miracle he had maintained some semblance of adult life in the past year, but he’s grateful for it now. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to live it down if he had invited Daan back to a cluttered flat with piles of things carelessly tossed everywhere, which was the state that he lived in before he had an honest conversation himself one day about how he wanted to live. It also helped that he had been having guests recently; he had just cleaned up yesterday for Lukas. Still, none of these musings prepared Matthew for the sight of Daan doing extremely domestic kitchen things in his home.

It’s odd, and Matthew tries to ignore the confused beating of his heart in his throat because he’s simply too...fascinated at the sight of Daan with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and cutting tomatoes. His Partner persona is not really present. It hasn’t been since the near-accident, actually, now that Matthew thinks about it. He just can’t stop observing. At this moment, Daan is clearly annoyed at how blunt the knife is and is digging for the knife sharpener. Who would have thought that after having uncomfortably faced the front of a car just inches from his face a few hours ago, that the sight that would finally make his brain fry up and stop working this week is simply Daan in his kitchen?

He’s so fucked. A million and one thoughts fly through his mind in an instant and it’s amazing he still manages to stand - ‘Of course you’re losing your mind over this guy in your fucking kitchen,’ he thinks ‘You’ve never been allowed to forget about him for years, but don’t get carried away Matthew, he’s just, well, who the hell knows why he’s here? You’re going to ask him though! Hey why are you so fixated now? Are you rebounding? Damnit Matthew, it’s barely been a day! But Feliciano said - who cares what he said! This is the unattainable guy you crushed on because you saw him in an elevator! Not your soulmate! Get a grip!’

“Are you judging me?” Daan’s question cuts through Matthew’s panicked thoughts and he can only stare dumbly.

“Huh?”

“You’ve been giving me this kind of scary look for the past minute or so. I swear Matthew, and you have to trust me on this, but a sharp knife is just one of those small things that makes a huge difference towards a more satisfied life. Now, is this cheapo Ikea sharpener the only one you have?” Daan’s tone may be teasing, but it is still laden with judgment.

“Yes, it is. There ought to be another knife that’s sharp, I think Ha sharpened it on Monday when she made dinner.” There are only two knives after all.

“Well how about I sharpen this one as well and then you can have TWO sharp knives.” Has his tone changed? Yes, what did it mean? Why did it change? “How about that? You’ll owe me one forever.”

Matthew’s mind can puzzle over the mystery of Daan deBoer all day, but it can’t, nope! It’s been a stressful day but Matthew knows he has to get a grip on himself, so he simply starts taking out the food and drinks and placing them on the table.

Still, Matthew has to laugh as the sound of a blade being pressed against stone echoes off the walls. “Are you always this silly when you’re not at work?” He has to ask.

Daan turns, temporarily stopping his work. “You think I’m silly? Sharp knives are serious business Matthew.” He runs the blade across a few more times. “Sharp knives lead to good food, good food gets you a market and connections, and those...get you money.”

Matthew can’t figure out if he’s joking, so he gives up at this inane line of reasoning, and simply grins. “Fine, I’ll sharpen my knives.” He walks into his kitchen to hand Daan a plate for the soon-to-be cut tomatoes. He distantly wonders if this was what Daan’s younger siblings had to endure - strange anecdotes about life and money. Daan’s a bit odd sure, but who isn’t? It’s strangely endearing.

Eventually they eat, and Matthew savors the juices and taste of familiar cooked meat on his tongue, allows the smell of his burger assault his nose and lets out a sound of appreciation. Survival comfort food indeed. Once they had finished their burgers (it didn’t take long, they must have both been starving), Matthew decides to cut to the chase. “So why did you want to have lunch with me so urgently this week? Was it because you knew I was going to start it with a demotion, followed by getting dumped?”

Daan freezes for a moment and there’s a second of uncomfortable silence before he regains his composure and chuckles. “That’s what I like about you Matthew, when it counts, you get straight to the point.”

Room full of Alfreds. Room full of Alfreds. Can’t show hesitance, you can handle this. “Well?”

Daan takes a breath. “I didn’t know that Francis was going to pull such a stupid stunt. I thought the Communications team made a silly mistake and left out your name until Arthur brought it up at the Partner meeting and Francis didn’t deny it. I originally wanted to see you to give you a heads up about Lukas and Mathias. I wasn’t there when they spoke at the cafe, but I sure as heck saw Mathias when he got home. I also had no idea if you’d even want to see me today, but when I didn’t get any message from you canceling our lunch plans…” He shrugged.

Matthew almost asked why he wouldn’t want to see Daan, before remembering that Daan was a reminder of his job and Lukas wrapped up in one. Except, Daan was kind of two guys - the guy he admired before he even met Lukas, when his job was still fun - gruelling, but fun - and he was also the actual guy who was sitting at his table that he’s only getting to know now. “Why give me a heads up?” He asks. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful but...I’m not actually one of your team members, we run into each other but we’re not exactly...close, we’ve worked together once.”

Daan nods and has that smirk again, Matthew is starting to wonder now if it’s not so much confidence, but a defensive quirk. “On the firm front, well, you reached out to Emil when you thought you could help him. I know we’re used to doing that for junior staff but it isn’t actually supposed to stop the moment you become a manager.” He leans back in his chair and looks at Matthew in that searching Partner way. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, sometimes it helps to talk it out with someone who’s not in your team. You can talk to me, if you want. If you’re not comfortable with me because I’m in the same firm or whatever, maybe you’d prefer to speak to Belle? She can keep a secret, isn’t part of the firm and has worked with both Francis and Arthur before…”

Wow that’s… “That’s really kind of you.” Matthew has no idea what he’s done to warrant this, but maybe Emil felt the same way when he was adopted by a manager he had avoided, impromptu, in a men’s bathroom.

“Secondly, unrelated to the job, back when I thought you and Lukas were going to be a fixture I figured I was going to see quite a bit of you, one way or the other. And…” He shrugs. “I didn’t mind that. You seem cool. I know it’s kind of awkward, given our professional relationship but, I was going to ask you to be my friend.” Daan laid that out in a matter-of-fact manner. “Hey, you know about my rabbits, and my travel schedule is finally going to fall back to a slightly more normal pace. I look forward to spending time actually living here and making friends again who aren’t my relatives, Mathias, or clients.” He laughs.

“Oh…” Matthew can’t help the smile breaking out on his face. “Really?”

Daan’s expression turns lightly calculating. “Why would I lie?”

Matthew is sure there could be plenty of reasons but he can’t think of them at the moment. He doesn’t know Daan well enough. Then again, what was it that Lukas had said? Daan was capable of deceit, but not so much outright lying. And there wasn’t much deceit involved in asking a no-name manager who couldn’t even get promoted to be his friend. This means that for some inexplicable reason, Daan really thinks he’s cool. Even if not, there’s no way Matthew will pass this up. Handsome or no, he’s wanted to get to know Daan for years, it would finally get rid of the awkward feeling he has, especially if Daan can reveal things that Matthew already knows about him, organically. Besides it’s just...well he doesn’t know why Daan thinks he’s cool, but there’s no doubt that Daan is, and intriguing, and just plain admirable.

Matthew is definitely going to wake up tomorrow morning and find out that he’s dreamed the whole thing. “I can’t think of a reason.” He answers, but he’s grinning from ear to ear, he just can’t help it. “I just didn’t see that coming. Can I be honest about my ulterior motive to being your friend though?”

Daan’s expression changes, somewhat wary, but intrigued. “Sure, since we’re being honest. What is it?”

“I really want to meet your bunnies.”

Matthew expects laughter and gets it but not quite like he expected. Not this beautiful, bowled over laughing, happy kind. He can’t help but join in, it’s too infectious to hear Daan laugh and to see the man smile. He has no idea what he’s doing but that’s the point of friendship isn’t it? You’re not supposed to calculate friendship. But Matthew also knows better. He’s been on the receiving end of this question before, in the States, from people who wanted to be his brother’s friend. He earns his money based on his ability to be likable by the most amount of people possible...but he can’t control other people’s motives. He can only be honest with himself about his own. He does want to be Daan’s friend.

But why him? Why Matthew? A guy who wears a mask all the time when Daan is so straightforward and has never needed to pretend to be likeable. Or…

Has he?

Matthew doesn’t know why it’s never hit him before. Time seems to slow down a little as he just looks at the silly guy in front of him, laughing. The silly guy who whined about being locked out of his apartment after a long journey home, the silly guy who lives with his childhood best friend so that friend wouldn’t get too lonely after the love of his life left him...and never asked him to leave. The silly guy who bought a third rabbit because he thought the first two were getting lonely. The silly guy who’s scared of driving cars! None of this matches the image of the Partner he’s heard about and worked with, the miser, the taskmaster, the robber, the prodigy. Maybe he’s all of these in one, or maybe some of these are a result of masks that he wore so that he could climb so high while so young, so that the rest would take him seriously.

Whatever it is, whoever Daan is, Matthew wants to know. He’s always wanted to know. Heck, if he actually gets hit by a car tomorrow, one of his last thoughts would probably be cursing himself for a coward if he couldn’t let himself believe Daan and try.

“Deal.” Daan grins. “You know, my sister always says that the only reason I have these rabbits is so I can have friends. Now I can tell her that she’s absolutely right. I am a genius. She should listen to her brother. Now come take a look, I took a really good pic yesterday!”

Matthew shoves the paper wraps aside like the messy slob he is so he can move closer to see (he’s a reformed messy slob, he’ll clean it up later, but for now, cute bunnies take priority).

“Okay, so introductions are in order. Maple is the baby of the lot, he’s the brown-colored one, Hitam, she’s the black one, she was a baby when I adopted her, together with Nijntje, who is the grand dame of them all. I got them when I first moved back to Canada, which was in…”

Maybe this isn’t going to be the worst week of his life after all.

#nedcan #hetaliararepaircentral #fic: mr 7th floor

9 notes · View notes

nedcanquen · 7 years

Text

Chapter 4: Mr 7th Floor

Pairings: NedCan (endgame), NorCan, implied NedDen, DenNor (I can’t believe I missed this in the last update), implied Spamano, France/Jeanne d’Arc

Photo from Pexels/Skitterphoto

It’s in the opposite direction of his home but Matthew has to make a diversion to the cafe. It’s earlier than the last time he’d brought Emil there, so there’s a good after-work crowd. Matthew pulls the door open and feels his heart warming at the sight of children playing in their little fairytale corner and the smell of freshly baked goods and warm foods wafting in the air. This cafe is truly something, and Matthew notes a few high-school aged students running up and down as waiters, but still not enough to match how popular the place is.

“Can I help you?” Matthew turns to see one of these teenagers smiling at him. His eyes fell to her nameplate ‘Yuka’.

Maybe he hadn’t thought out the idea of thanking Mathias in person, especially considering how busy the place is, “Hi Yuka, I’d just like to leave a message for Mathias, if that’s alright,” It is likely a bad idea to bother Mathias in person. “I’d like to thank him for the maple syrup danishes.”

“Oh, so you’re the lucky taste tester for those. Okay, I’ll pass the message along. Your name…?”

“Matthew. Please also let him know that I...really appreciated them.”

The back door swings open and Mathias is carrying a tray of freshly baked goods, grinning and puffing with exertion. Yuka takes the tray and Mathias wipes his brow with his arm. His hair is a little messy but it doesn’t take away from his charm apparently, as his customers turn and greet him excitedly. Some of the children run up and Mathias greets them with bear hugs and has to bribe them with candy to get them to go back and play.

Matthew can’t help but smile and a short laugh escapes his lips. That’s when Mathias notices him and stiffens somewhat. He can’t really see the expression on Mathias’ face as he’s wearing a face mask for hygiene, since he’s baking the goods, “Hi Matthew! If you’d like more of those maple syrup ones you’ll have to put in a special order, I just made four.” Mathias says with forced levity as he pulls down his mask out of politeness.

“Oh please, don’t worry about it. I just wanted to come by and thank you in person. I think if you do add them to your menu, you’d have people lining up non-stop, all-year-round,” Matthew looked out at the loud and crowded cafe. “Not that you’re unpopular to begin with...”

“Yeah,” Mathias laughed ruefully. “I didn’t expect to be this popular this quickly, so my hiring plans, expansion plans and all have been sped up! I should probably do something like...hire an accountant, a manager and stuff but...anyway you’re not here to hear my business woes.”

“Do you need help?” Matthew didn’t know why he said that, considering the amount of work he already had. “I mean, I’m surrounded by accountants, and so technically, is Daan. You may be tired of PKDE people but it shouldn’t be too hard for me to reach out to other people from university and stuff who decided that the big firm route wasn’t for them. Some went freelance. That may help with the accounting. The floor manager and stuff well...I don’t know anything about that.”

Mathias looks at him incredulously, then laughs in earnest. “Ah...sure. That’d be nice. Just a first step to get a handle on the money so I can figure out where I want it to go, and preferably someone who doesn’t need much guidance and is trustworthy - the goes without saying I guess. Daan would be offended I didn’t ask him but he doesn’t get to complain because he’s hardly ever here. Speaking of, would you happen to know anyone who’s willing to babysit some rabbits too? We’d pay by this point.”

“Rabbits?!”

Mathias pulls out his phone and shows Matthew a picture of three particularly adorable rabbits - one as white as snow, another caramel colored and a black-colored one. Matthew didn’t hear the whine coming out of his mouth as his heart melted at the sight. “Oh my god…” He murmured, covering his mouth with his hands.

“Here, this is a video. I figure it won’t be hard to find someone who wants to take care of them, the problem is finding someone that they trust AND wouldn’t steal them.” Mathias added with glee and tapped on the screen. Someone was feeding the caramel one a baby carrot and Matthew couldn’t take his eyes away from the wiggling of that cute nose and munching little mouth greedily chewing on the carrot.

Matthew forced himself to close his eyes and shake his head. “They live here?”

“Hah! No.” Mathias replies. “The noise is a little too much for them, but the problem is, rabbits are social, they need people around, and these are not caged so someone would just need to drop in and make sure that their litter is clean, they’re fed on time, they’re not accidentally killing themselves, that kind of thing. I used to do that but now this place takes up all my time. Belle travels as much as Daan, Christian, uh, Daan’s baby bro? He works worse hours than Emil and Daan is so fucking picky with who gets to take care of his rabbits, he won’t even-”

“Those are Daan’s?!” Matthew almost yelled in shock. He doesn’t know why he’s so surprised but he can’t really process it at the moment.

Mathias gave an evil smirk. “Oh yeah, they’re not mine. I mean I suppose he tries to have this badass rep in the office, but who says an evil bastard can’t have pets? Frankly, I don’t think they need as much care as he thinks, they’re well trained, but you don’t know how much I’ve been chewed out already for not being with them as much as he wants, which is how taking care of them became something that involved more than three people! So I tell him, ‘you got pet rabbits and you’re the one who decided it was okay to fly everywhere’ and what does he do? Gets a new rabbit ‘oh they’re social! The third should make them happier!’ Damnit man that isn’t the point!”

Matthew’s jaw has dropped by now, trying to imagine these two adult men who look like posterboys for GQ magazine, having a spat over the proper care of pet bunnies. Trying to imagine Daan, the man who makes managers quake in their shoes, whom the other Partners call a miser, who stole projects from other directors on his way up, who flat out uses the word ‘stupid’ when evaluating work (and fine, maybe he isn’t wrong but doesn’t he know what positive reinforcement is?). Daan, the man who Michelle called a bond-villain lookalike, has three fucking adorable pet bunnies. Whom he fights with his boyfriend over. The third of which he bought because he didn’t want the first two to be lonely when he travelled. What world is this?

“Yeah, sorry, a little off topic, but out of all things, it’s the rabbits that are taking up a lot of my time now too, I run back at slow periods to check in on them! So I really ought to hire someone, but Daan will insist on a full background check and want to see how his bunnies interact with any newbie so it’s not like I can just hire anyone when he’s out of town, which is most the time. Just a little venting there, and a bit of revenge. Because someone at the firm now knows about his bunnies, and that’s one person he can’t intimidate.” Mathias grins smugly.

Matthew just stares back wordlessly.

“Don’t get me wrong! I do love them! It’s literally impossible to be down when they’re hopping all over you but…”

“They’re adorable.” Matthew breathes. “I’ll ask around for them too.”

Now it’s Mathias’ turn to look at Matthew wordlessly, a curious expression on his face that had rapidly changed from annoyed to remorseful. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck...you really are a nice guy aren’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Matthew shoots back, and what kind of people has Mathias been talking to that he shows them pictures of cute bunnies and they still behave like assholes?

“It’s a compliment! I meant it as a compliment. I,” A short laugh escapes him, “Forget about the rabbits, I really wanted to hate you. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m jealous though I have no right to be and...”

Matthew waits for him to continue, figuring that he’s not really thinking about what he’s saying, so it’s as honest as it’s going to get.

“Take care of him please,” Mathias finishes, a sad smile on his face. “Lukas. I know I don’t have any right to ask and he doesn’t belong to me or anything and heck, he’s more than capable of taking care of himself, but...you’re a nice guy, and I’ll be happy just knowing that Lukas has found what he’s looking for.”

The mood is heavy again. Somehow, Matthew walked into the cafe expecting this to come up but the rabbits and overall warmth of the place made him temporarily forget.

“I should get back to the kitchen. Thanks for dropping by Matthew.”

Saturday comes too quickly. Matthew makes sure he’s brought everything he needs for the hike, checking through his backpack one more time before messaging Lukas and heading to his car. It’s early enough that the sun hasn’t risen, and he’s scheduled to pick Lukas up from the apartment that he shares with Emil before they drive out to their chosen trail. It’s an hour’s drive out of the city and they want to be able to reach the end of the trail with plenty of sunlight and time to spare, because they’re going to be having a long talk at the waterfall they’re aiming for and they’ll need time to return to the car after that. It only occurs to Matthew now that they’re fairly optimistic about still wanting to spend that much time together after what’s said today, but he supposes that they’re not the explode-in-rage type. Besides, even if Matthew somehow finds himself angry, he’s not going to strand Lukas out there, it’s just not right.

The streets are quiet at this time of day and Matthew enjoys the quiet as he drives the familiar route. He and Lukas had been exchanging messages about today since the cafe incident. Matthew had taken a picture of the danishes and sent them to Lukas with a simple message “Delicious. Has Emil told you?” Maybe that was passive aggressive, but Matthew didn’t want to sound confrontational to the extreme either.

Oh God he is so bad at this.

Lukas responded with a simple “Yes.” Then sent Matthew a map of the chosen trail for the weekend. They only discussed their plans for today after that. When he arrives he finds Lukas waiting for him outside, tired and tense. Well that’s not what Matthew wants to see. He leans over to open the passenger door.

“Hey.” Matthew smiles in greeting. “You can nap on the way there if you want.”

Lukas seems to relax a little after that and smiles as well. “Doesn’t sound fair to leave you bored.”

Matthew looks at Lukas with the strange light of early morning resting on the pale planes of his face, and wonders how they ended up together in any capacity. “Thanks.”

Before he can start up the car, Lukas squeezes his wrist. “Wait, Matthew.”

Oh God were they doing this now?

“I just want to suggest that we enjoy the hike, no matter what words get said at the waterfall.”

Lukas’ voice is deep and calming, it has a trance-like effect sometimes, even when he’s agitated. Usually there’s a good amount of dry humor involved in speaking to Lukas as well, but that seems entirely absent now. Matthew reaches a hand over the squeeze the one on his wrist. “I agree.”

They don’t really talk on the drive, not in a continuous way to fill up the silence the way Matthew is used to having to deal with when he’s out winning clients or visiting his brother. But occasionally Lukas will see something and comment on it, something that Matthew can’t see because he’s driving and paying attention to the road, but he appreciates it all the same. It’s just enough to keep him awake but quiet enough that Matthew feels comfortable. Lukas and the promise of a hike has this effect on him - he can stew away for weeks with toxic thoughts that may or may not lessen when they meet up for simple dinners in the city, but together like this out here, Matthew almost remembers what it feels like to be at ease again. It’s this calm companionship that he appreciates but it’s probably nature gifting it to both of them. Nature gives enough to fill the world with wonder, and simultaneously provides a solitary challenge as well as a joint one.

They reach the trail and set out, just in time for day to begin creeping out over the land. It’s early enough that there’s barely anyone there and it feels like they have this national preserve all to themselves. Matthew breathes in the fresh air and feels it rejuvenating him after too much time sitting in offices with its recycled air systems, or walking through a city with the inevitable smell of car exhaust. He lets the sound of leaves rustling in the wind, birds and insects chirping and the many thousands of sounds of woodlife that he just can’t see, rush through him and calm him. It’s familiar and safe, in a way that most things in his life right now aren’t. He can still identify certain birds from their call as well as the names of some trees and plants that they pass by.

Matthew’s family loved the outdoors. In happier days, his fondest memories involved camping with his parents and warm nights by the fire. It’s something that his father’s other family shared with theirs, which meant that whenever he and Alfred got a little too frustrated with each other or their Dad, they’d pack up and disappear into a place like this. Even now, retreating out here to a place where there were no buildings in sight, where he knew how small he was, served as his sanctuary. It was amazing how it lifted him everytime he came back out here - the smell of plants and trees, the physical exertion of putting one foot in front of the other. How it felt to sit on the rough surface of a rock when they took a break, the comfort of feeling dirt in his hands, of how he had to pay attention to every part of his body. Before he met Lukas, Matthew had forgotten what returning to this sanctuary was like, and he was thankful that being with Lukas gave him a reason to make time for this in his life again. That was probably why they were still together in some ways. Matthew feared that coming out here alone would ruin this last sanctuary the way this thoughts at night had now ruined his bed.

They take their time, stopping quietly to observe the birds that alight and sing from the trees, to let animals walk past safely. It’s easy, it’s nice, it’s the kind of peace that Matthew knows he has to fight to have more of in his life. And isn’t it strange that it’s something that one has to fight for when one’s life is effortlessly overwhelming?

Hiking is a meditative experience - the deep breathing, focus on the body, walking in something that was obviously larger than yourself...than you’d ever be. Distantly he wonders if this is in anyway comparable to what Alfred feels on the job. Matthew remains aware of Lukas, and they’d reach out for each other to steady the other if one stumbled, or slow down if the other was getting tired, but for the most part they match each other’s pace. Occasionally they talk about the week, safe topics such as the books they’re hoping to read, if the other knows what kind of plant that is, or type of bird.

By the time they reach the waterfall, the tension that suffocated the air in the morning is gone. Even with the conversation to come, Matthew can’t summon the same level of nervousness as before and he’s grateful. They make themselves comfortable, set up a tarp overhead and dig out food and camp cooking gear from their packs. It’s not fancy - bread and crackers, cheese and tea with assorted nuts and dried fruit. Lukas gets the small camp burner going as well as the small kettle for the tea and they sit together with the waterfall ahead of them, but far enough that its roar is not overwhelming.

“Thanks for speaking to Emil.” Lukas starts.

Matthew shrugs. “I’m glad I did. It’s nice to see that so many people love him. You, Mathias and even Daan offered to speak to him. I guess that’s why he feels he needs to be more independent. He hasn’t quite figured out yet that having support doesn’t make one dependent.”

Lukas pours out the tea with a dry laugh. “I think the issue is that everyone you just mentioned was mostly on their own, well, except for Mathias, but he was an only child so in a way he was on his own. Daan’s parents weren’t married, they just lived together for a while and had children together, then went where life took them. Daan didn’t have much growing up but he’s always taken care of himself and his siblings. Daan and Belle have a similar mercenary self-reliant streak and Christian looks up to them, especially Daan, so I suspect he’ll have his own version of it. So...Emil looks at us and thinks that you have to be alone to grow up, and it’s not like I was much better at encouraging otherwise.”

Matthew nodded. “Are you sure you’re ready to talk about this? You look...” Unhappy was putting it mildly. It was the kind of unhappiness borne from trauma that one desperately tried to hide.

“You’re going to ask me about Mathias right?” Lukas responded.

“Among other things, if you’re ready to talk about it. I felt an urgency earlier this week but now that I know there’s more to consider here and it still affects you strongly...We can wait until you’re comfortable.”

Lukas let out a short laugh. “Matthew, no matter what happens after today, I’m going to be fond of you, so I’m going to speak to you about Mathias and these other things, and I’m going to ask you that no matter what the circumstance or what you feel about a person, that…” He reaches out and squeezes Matthew’s hand. “If it’s important to you, it’s important. Kindness is well and good, but if you’re kind at the expense of yourself, it doesn’t help anyone and I don’t want to see the anger you may be capable of because I abused your patience. So be honest if something bothers you. Don’t hide it for anyone sake.”

These were the most words at one time that Matthew could remember Lukas saying, which meant a lot. He found he had little to say, so he just squeezed the hand back and nodded. “I’ll try.”

Lukas nodded as well, looking at the waterfall in front of them as if gathering strength. “Well, Mathias and I were neighbours growing up. Expat communities tend to bundle together, and the Scandinavians are no different. But anything that involves the more complicated part of my relationship with Mathias has to start with what happened with Emil and my parents. You know we’re orphans.”

That had been the extent of Lukas’ early life that he had been told.

“Well, my parents died in that accident when Emil was still in middle school, and I wasn’t even in university yet. Actually, I was in the middle of my conscription when it happened. I was literally somewhere in the Norwegian Sea. I was Emil’s only remaining family and it was impossible get hold of me. I remember being called in to see the CO and wondering what catastrophe had happened. Even after hearing the news, it didn’t seem real. Of course, they couldn’t turn the boat around just for me. Arrangements were made, but by the time I was finally back with Emil…”

Matthew knew that the Bondeviks had been living in Canada, Lukas’ father also worked for NorgeOlje and was posted there by the company. Lukas’ mother was an artist, a painter from Iceland. Due to citizenship laws and Norway disallowing dual citizenship, Lukas was Norwegian, but Emil was both Icelandic and Canadian. Matthew can only imagine what kind of a mess it must have been, with three countries involved, not many extended relatives to rely on and Lukas not even being employed at the time.

“So he was alone for a few days.” Matthew stated.

“More. I had to get back to land, there are no direct flights between Norway and Canada, I couldn’t leave until the paperwork waiving the rest of my conscription was done and then there was...I’ll spare you the legal details. But yes, I couldn’t go to Emil immediately. I will forever be indebted to the Kohlers, Mathias’ family, for taking him in. For all that they did. I was never the most demonstrative of brothers to begin with, and Emil and I are both reserved by nature. Mathias was the brother he needed then, which he managed to do despite just having started working himself.”

There’s a broken voice and regret lacing those words and Matthew finally understands why Lukas is so protective over Emil, sometimes in contradictory ways - that he has to house and feed his brother, but doesn’t want his brother to feel overwhelmed and so discourages his boyfriends from helping him...unless it’s bad. Lukas doesn’t know how to make up for those lost days, and he’s been desperately trying to ever since.

“I came back and had to convince the courts to award me guardianship.”

“How did you manage to do that?” Matthew asked, honestly amazed. “You were citizens of different countries, unemployed…”

“I didn’t.” Lukas scoffed. “So the Kohlers legally adopted Emil.”

Oh. Mathias’ actions and the protectiveness that Lukas and Daan also seemed to exhibit over Emil now made more sense. “So...you went to university after that?”

Lukas nodded. “Because Emil now had a place to stay, I had the liberty to get a degree and maybe earn enough to actually take care of him one day. Thankfully university in Norway is free. There were living expenses of course, but those were manageable with me working odd jobs. But if I wanted to qualify for permanent residency in Canada and work and live here, it made sense to study here. I worked for a year in Norway, then moved back to Canada and started an MBA, which of course, is not free and I paid foreign-student fees. I got to stay with Emil briefly but then it was time for him to start university. Thankfully for Emil, even though he didn’t really get to choose a place for himself, Icelandic universities are also free, even if living costs are far more expensive, but he was happy there. My parents left us money, otherwise it would have been impossible. Also, we had so much help. Help and luck. Help that...again, I’ll never be able to repay.” Lukas sinks, looking at the ground, arms resting on his knees and all Matthew can do is run a comforting hand up and down his back.

Matthew absorbs all this and can understand why Lukas never mentioned it. He can’t understand why everyone else seems to think that Lukas ought to able to share this so easily. When Lukas looks up again, Matthew adds, “And Mathias, he helped didn’t he? He helped put Emil through university?”

Lukas smiled bitterly. “He helped me. I insisted on helping Emil, Mathias and his family had already done so much for Emil’s high school. I lived with Mathias so I didn’t have to pay rent or residential costs, while I was studying here and that’s when we...our relationship changed, while Emil was back in Reykjavik. Good times I guess, Mathias was quite a fast riser at LEGO before he burned out. I suppose that was my fault too.”

Matthew can’t help but let out a laugh. “He worked at LEGO? Seriously?”

Lukas had to laugh too. “Seriously. He designed new LEGO worlds and built those giant dinosaurs and ships and things that get displayed. Perfect match don’t you think? Though every night he’d come home complaining about how corporate life strangled the fun out of it, and there were always the pieces! Everywhere! All over the floor, I stepped on them so many I was always yelling so I’d vacumm them all up in revenge.” Lukas grinned, before the smile fell. “Maybe if it weren’t for me, he could have let himself enjoy it.”

There - for a brief moment, Matthew saw how happy Lukas had been. It was in the softness of his smile at the memory, which Matthew had never seen before. “How did...how does that lead to now? You and Mathias don’t really see each other do you? And you don’t like to talk about him.”

“The thing about gratitude is that sometimes, it silences you.”

Matthew frowned in confusion and tried to read Lukas’ expression. He failed. “I don’t follow.”

“Remember what I just told you about not letting your kindness let people take advantage of you? It’s also unfair to those who love you. Kindness can make you...fail to express yourself, fail to communicate and they will never know what you actually need. It was the same with me and gratitude. I felt like I owed Mathias and his family so much, I loved him but...I stopped talking to him, I couldn’t talk to him. And Mathias is...he has so much energy. He’s like a sun, a light that draws everyone to him because he emits so much warmth and adventure. I resented that. I could never understand his jealousy and possessiveness, when I was the one who had more reason to feel that way, but I swallowed that down too.”

Lukas let out a tired sigh. “It catches up, you know. The things you don’t say, all of those things, combined with my gratitude ended up making me feel trapped and imprisoned. The worse it got, the more jealous and possessive we both became. We were turning into terrible people, just by being together, so...I ended it. I had no idea who I was. My parents died when I was nineteen, the life I had planned for was off the table, everything was a mess. I convinced myself that I was living and working only for Emil for the following years. I knew I couldn’t find who I was if I stayed with Mathias, and I knew it would be worse for him if we stayed like that.”

“And so you stopped talking to him?”

Lukas looked a little ashamed at that, still staring off at the falling water. “I may have dated his cousin not too long after I broke up with him. A cousin that I knew he hated at the time.” At the look on Matthew’s face, Lukas added. “I don’t think I ever said that I was never going to be blameless here. But yes, Mathias was furious and since then...we’ve never…”

“You haven’t even been to the cafe?”

Lukas takes another nervous sip of tea. “I’ve seen pictures of it.”

A thought suddenly occurs to Matthew. “You don’t like maple syrup do you?”

Lukas let out a chuckle. “No. I don’t hate it, it’s nice, but I don’t go looking for it either. Interesting line of questions, from ‘what’s the story with Mathias?’ to ‘do you like maple syrup?’ immediately after.”

“Oh. I was just wondering if maybe those danishes he made for me were meant for you, somehow, indirectly.”

Lukas lets out a bellyfull of laughter at that, surprising Matthew but pleasing him all the same. It was nice to hear the laughter after such a heavy topic. “Mathias doesn’t work like that.” Lukas eventually got out. “He made you maple syrup danishes? Probably his thank you for taking care of Emil. He’s a horrible liar too, you’d be able to tell when he gave them to you if there was anything else he intended.”

Matthew shook his head, embarrassed. “Daan delivered them to me. So I didn’t know if maybe-”

But Lukas only chuckles. “Those two? Sure, Daan is better at lying, no, lying isn’t the right word. Deceit is the better word. But anyway, Daan is one a Partner in your firm right?”

Matthew nods.

“Unless he’s changed drastically, Daan is aware of what image and authority means when someone as young as him is in charge. He only sacrifices those when he thinks he can win a deal by doing so. There’s no deal here, so I’m willing to bet he was just delivering danishes, once again, as always, dragged into something, thanks to Mathias.”

Lukas looks out smiling fondly, lost in memory and Matthew only just realizes that he’s long since brought his own hands back to himself, resting on his knees in front of him. It’s as obvious as day, from the soft look on Lukas’ face, that he still loves Mathias. He always will, and now Daan’s words make sense, the warning and honesty. The advice that being together with Lukas may mean just accepting that a part of him will always love another man.

Matthew feels a sense of finality with this because he knows he can’t. He can’t accept being less than someone’s one and only. Maybe he’s being unreasonable, considering what he has to offer, but he can already feel the tendrils of romantic affection for Lukas shrinking away out of defensiveness. Maybe if they had a chance to know each other longer – if they somehow dropped their walls more naturally, if Matthew had time to more fully appreciate how comfortable Lukas made him feel or even if Matthew had a better idea of himself – a couple of years more, or a thousand other ‘what ifs’ and maybe Matthew would have found himself in love and able to accept this condition. But somehow even with that...he doubts it and besides, it hasn’t been years and the ifs haven’t happened. It’s been two months and Matthew has issues layered upon issues. He lays down on the dirt to look at the canopy and hints of sky beyond, and thinks of his mother living in happy (he hopes) retirement, walking the dogs in St Johns, of his brother living not only his dream, but the dreams of countless others while Matthew is simply satisfied with checking numbers.

“Are you that angry with me?” Lukas’ question interrupts his reverie.

“Huh?”

“You looked mad just now. And far away.”

Matthew shook his head, feeling too comfortable to move. “I’m not mad at you. I was just thinking I guess. I don’t feel...well I don’t really know how I feel.” He confesses. “I guess I can see why you never wanted to mention this before. Emil seemed to give me an impression that we were taking too long.” He laughs. “You’ve been together for two months! Why isn’t my brother wearing a ring?” He mimics.

Lukas looks taken aback. “What? He did not say that!”

“No,” Matthew chuckles. “Struck me as the sentiment though.”

Lukas nods. “I was desperate for something new with Berwald. And yes, Mathias and I had known each other for a long time but actually crossing the line from friendship to more had seemed sudden to Emil. I was trying to learn from previous mistakes with you, but maybe I couldn’t hide my impatience, or rather...it’s just that I’ve never really had to wait, or be the one to make the move. But, you’re a good man and I could see...us together and building something solid if I just didn’t mess up. So yes, I didn’t mention the past because I didn’t want to scare you away. Maybe that was dishonest of me.”

The words take Matthew’s breath away and he can’t move, speak or even think. The thought that he was considered so good, that Lukas was afraid of losing him. Even if it meant a little dishonesty. Well that felt entirely new too, so new he wasn’t quite sure he could believe it.

“Matthew?” Lukas’ face hovers over Matthew’s.

“I have issues!” Matthew blurts out. He can’t quite believe he said that but there’s no taking the words back now.

Lukas raised an amused eyebrow. “We all do.” He responds with his signature dryness. “Okay well, it’s your turn. What are Matthew William’s issues?” He too, lies down on the ground with a sigh of relief beside Matthew and Matthew is grateful that he doesn’t have to look at Lukas hovering above him to tell his story.

“Well, I’m luckier I guess. I have my parents at least, though they’re divorced. My Dad travelled to the States a lot for work, ended up having two families and I have a brother. Mama and I found this out when I was eight. Alfred is a year younger than me.” He shrugs. “I’ve never been able to understand it. Mama found out, called up Al’s mom, her name is Polly.”

“Polly?”

“Yeah, I call her Aunt Polly. People still have these types of names. Anyway, she called Aunt Polly and Aunt Polly thought that Mama knew and was okay with everything? And she’s hopping mad at Dad but loves him, so can’t they just continue this way? And somehow Mama actually agreed to try it out.”

He hears Lukas shift. “Wow. That’s...not where I thought that was going to go.”

Matthew let out a short laugh. “Yeah well it didn’t last. Aunt Polly is a sweetheart, but Dad didn’t change. It was almost as if he was given a ‘get out of jail free’ card too easily and just rolled with it instead of learning from it and well apparently the whole thing was about him promising to be a more honest man? I don’t have all the details and frankly, never asked. So, Mama realized that she just didn’t trust my Dad anymore. And she tells me anyway, that she has no idea what possessed her to agree to sharing a man, but she finally gave Dad an ultimatum - us or them. So Dad moved to America, and chose Polly and Alfred. Mama didn’t tell the courts that he was illegally married, in return for full custody. He tried to blame Mama for the separation over the years whenever I had to visit him, saying that he was kicked out, that it wasn’t as if he abandoned us.”

Matthew sits up, stretches and sighs. He now understands why Lukas kept staring at the waterfall. His nerves make him restless with adrenaline. Lukas thankfully, had reverted to his usual silence and didn’t rush Matthew for more before he was ready. “...Anyway, later on I found out about...polyamory which answered a lot of questions but still, it has to be open, respectful, honest. Dad wasn’t any of those things. He knew that it just wasn’t for Mama and didn’t want to lose her. I don’t actually blame Aunt Polly for anything, and it seems that the experience was good for my Dad, he was a better husband to Aunt Polly as a result of all that happened, and they’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends along the way since, oddly no takers for another marriage though, and that seems to work for them. But I just didn’t get it, still don’t and I think that still lingers, I didn’t know why we weren’t good enough for him, especially Mama. Once I met Al, I understand him leaving me but Mama?”

He heard Lukas shift beside him. “Do you really believe that? That he left because you weren’t good enough?”

Matthew fights tears, because yes, he absolutely believes that. There’s no proof and everyone around him can say all the sweet words that they want, but that’s what he believes. “Alfred was already everything Dad wanted in a son. Sure he said he loved me but that was out of obligation right? What father sleeps well at night admitting that he’s not all that excited about his firstborn? But every year I remember him telling me to get out more, play more, go on more adventures, live. When I met Alfred, I understood why.”

Somehow he found it in himself to talk about it, how Alfred was a genius and he was proud of him, but that meant that Al had finished university by the time he had turned nineteen and then joined NASA as an astrophysics genius and became a social-media celebrity when Matthew was still figuring out what he was good at. How people forgot about Matthew, all his life, after meeting Alfred, how he made the mistake of taking a year abroad in the US to get to know his brother better and the ‘friends’ he made used him to get to Alfred. How he had a lovely boyfriend during that time but even Carlos could never tell the difference. “I cut the year abroad short, just spent a semester, Alfred was mad at me and if he were still in school he could have applied for a semester abroad in Canada, but...he wasn’t in school. He had already moved to Houston. And right now, at this very moment,” Matthew looks up at the sky, though he knows it’s the wrong time of day the see the International Space Station’s steady light moving across the sky. “Now he’s on the ISS and he’s the youngest astronaut in space.” Matthew says with pride, this isn’t the first time he wishes he could untangle his feelings about his brother - the love and pride mixed with the hurt. “I’m fine when I’m on my own. When he visits though...it’s like all these things rise up to the surface, we end up being ridiculously competitive over the smallest things.” He laughs. “And I know it’s not actually his fault and we’re both old enough that we can’t blame Dad anymore. But...Al is like a sun that people can’t help but be drawn to, even if he pisses them off. He makes himself invaluable, he believes so much in the best possible version of humanity and fights for it. He makes mistakes and talks over you when he thinks he’s right, and he doesn’t always respect your space but he genuinely tries. That’s infectious somehow, he’s my brother and I’m proud of him, but oh my God, I’m the worst brother ever because we get along best when he’s not even on earth.”

Matthew feels the warmth of Lukas’ arm on his shoulders. He turns to see the other man looking up at the sky, where Matthew had been staring just a moment ago. “You won’t see it. It’s easier at night actually.”

“I figured.” Lukas shrugs and looks back at him, back to earth. “Matthew...have you and Alfred ever talked about this? For all you know, he envies you. Maybe your Dad yelled at him to be quieter and be calmer like his brother? As an older sibling with a bigger age difference who can remember the things said to me as opposed to my brother, I can definitely say that parents change their stories depending on the child. With two drastically different sons, I’m willing to bet that your Dad fell back on that, and no one was the wiser.”

Matthew considers it, and wonders why he never thought of it before. Probably because he had never confessed his true feelings about Alfred before, trying to be a better brother than he felt. It’s a hilarious image, a younger Alfred being told to just calm down and be quiet for a few minutes oh please. He can already imagine his brother’s reaction, knowing his natural competitiveness. Objectively, Matthew knows that Lukas is probably right. There’s little reason for Alfred to be as competitive as he is against Matthew otherwise, but personally and emotionally, the hurt has lived there longer.

“It makes sense.” Matthew admits. “But it does mean that,” He takes a deep breath, not wanting to say what he has to say, but he can’t lie either. “It means that in my personal life I’ve never wanted to feel second best to anyone ever again. Alfred probably responded by doing something that no one could hope to copy, work-wise. Me? I set my goals lower - I’m happy with being good at what I do, and my work actually affects people’s day to day lives, their jobs and whether they’re cheated or not. Al may be trying to save humanity by giving us a future in space, I’m happy with keeping us going in the world we already have. Admittedly, I feel appreciated here, I’m happy that Francis has fast-tracked me. I’m recognized here even if I’m not the best in the entire firm like, well, like someone like Daan, who makes Partner before even hitting thirty. Which is ridiculous.” He scoffs and Lukas tenses for a moment. It occurs to Matthew that he shouldn’t talk about Mathias’ boyfriend in front of Lukas, even if they were childhood friends of a sort. There’s a reason why Matthew hadn’t learned about that history until now and just thought that Lukas was Arthur’s friend. It’s not ridiculous to conclude that Lukas hasn’t spoken to Daan for as long as he hasn’t spoken to Mathias. “Sorry, I shouldn’t talk about them, I don’t want to hurt you.”

Lukas looks at him with those mysterious dark blue eyes that Matthew can’t read. He withdraws his arm. “Talking about them doesn’t hurt me. They’ve been best friends for a long time. I used to be jealous, admittedly, at the thought that Daan was comforting Mathias when I couldn’t, because I was the one who had hurt him, but that’s so long ago now. Now I’m glad Mathias had someone he could turn to, to help him when I couldn’t.”

They sit in silence for a while. Until Lukas says, “You’re going to ask me to talk to him aren’t you?”

Matthew laughs. “I can’t be the first to suggest it. Sounds like you want to and that makes sense I mean, it just seems to me that you guys aren’t...done. There’s so much that is unsettled, unspoken, assumed. The last time you both spoke to each other was years ago, and in anger, when neither of you were thinking straight. Now you both seem to be in different places in life and you seem to regret leaving things as they were, which is why everyone surrounding you both is still stuck in your story, waiting for it to...continue or end but none of that has happened. It would be different if you guys were resolved.” It’s a eureka moment for Matthew but Lukas recoils, his face looks terrifying but Matthew knows better. It’s not anger, it’s fear.

“I’m not saying that you have to march up to him today, but I don’t think I can be with you when there’s still this hanging question weighing on you. Mathias is the elephant in every room, even when I didn’t know about him, I could feel something tense, something I didn’t know but was important.” Lukas looks even more terrifying, but Matthew soldiers on.

“I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do, I mean, I really couldn’t even if I wanted to. I do like you and I do respect you, and I think that...you’re amazing, I can’t really believe most the time that you give me the time of day. All I’m asking, if I even can, is that you just...speak to Mathias. Like...one on one, at peace, apologize, tell him you’re happy for him, whatever it is you want to say that you felt you haven’t done yet, to close this wound. If you can, when you can...when you’re ready to.”

Matthew forces himself to hold Lukas’ steely gaze with one of his own. He knows he’s right, at least, that this is the right thing to ask Lukas to do for his own peace of mind. Based on what he saw of Mathias, he guessed that the man would be open to such a respectful conversation, if only to put things at rest. Mathias oddly, had seemed to be more at peace, having acknowledged the past and his feelings while Lukas it seemed, avoided it.

“Matthew.” Lukas responds softly, controlled. “I don’t know if I can speak to Mathias. I wasn’t joking when I said we were terrible people together. You haven’t seen us fight.”

“You both have a couple of years and growing with you now. Do you still feel as uncertain of yourself as you once were? You said you had to find yourself?” Matthew prods.

“I…” Lukas looks down and gulps. “Fine, you have a point. I’ll even say that I’m proud of what he’s done with his cafe, and getting himself back up. So I don’t want to ruin it, and he’s moved on. He doesn’t need the past weighing him down.”

“Neither do you. And if you don’t talk to him, the past will weigh you down. Not to be mean but I kind of care about you more right now than him, even if he makes damn good danishes. Remember what you told me earlier about kindness? And gratitude? And silence?” It’s a bit of a low blow, using Lukas’ words against him, but what was the point of sharing wisdom when you couldn’t handle it?

Lukas is glaring at him now but it’s not long before he just sighs, lies back and covers his eyes with an arm. Matthew doesn’t push the issue, so they remain in silence for a while.

The sun has climbed in the sky and the relative increasing silence of the birds and life around them tells Matthew that more people are making their way through the preserve, even if they haven’t reached them yet. Matthew mulls over his words and wonders about how he feels about everything. He’s glad that they’ve talked, and Matthew can’t really believe how therapeutic it is to have gotten these things out.

“So, just to summarize this.” Lukas eventually speaks. “We are on a break, until I speak to Mathias, and say things.” He glares at Matthew. “You know how I simply ache to talk about things.”

Matthew chuckles in understanding, while he himself doesn’t mind talking to people, Lukas seems to loathe it, which makes today memorable. Somehow, Lukas had decided to trust him. Matthew can only respond by being honest, still. “Maybe I’m mean. I don’t quite get why people think I’m niceness incarnate. Is it the volume of my voice?” He teases back. Lukas didn’t speak much louder than he did and no one ever thought him kind at first meeting.

“You have the face of a damned cherub, curly hair, big eyes and all. If we ever walk into a cathedral, I’ll take a picture and prove it to you.”

Matthew didn’t quite know how to process that. “This, coming from the man who literally looks like an elf from Norse mythology?”

Lukas just gave him a sardonic look that spoke loads, before shaking his head. “Fine, if I speak to Mathias, and resolve my feelings...if you’re still keen, we try again...”

His heart thumps in his chest, hardly believing that Lukas is even willing to try. “If you want.” He smiles, he can’t help the tiny flutter of hope in his chest even if a bigger part of his awareness is telling him that there will be no second try. “I suppose if we do we’ll have to keep this up - being honest, talking.” There’s an odd feeling inside, where part of him likes Lukas more than he used to, but the other part is well aware of Lukas’ unresolved feelings and is still holding back. But if...if Lukas speaks to Mathias, who has himself, moved on, and that gives Lukas the closure he needs for both him and Matthew to honestly try again? There are no guarantees in life but Matthew can see himself wanting to try, can see them making something good out of it.

Lukas however, doesn’t smile. “But if I speak to Mathias, and nothing changes…”

Maybe the light feeling was premature. “Even if nothing changes I’ll be here for you, but as a friend…” He sighs. “Because of my own hangups, I don’t know if I’d be able to develop feelings for you as you deserve. What you feel isn’t...wrong, I know that it’s normal for people to always have lingering feelings for others, heck even I sometimes just admire attractive people on a bus or train, but that’s nothing compared to this. Your lingering feelings are...they’re strong, and I’m not strong enough to just accept that.”

Lukas pulls himself up, shaking his head. “You have a right to ask any significant other of yours love you more than someone else. But since we’re doing this and I’m going to walk into that damned cafe and speak to Mathias because you’ve asked me to, you have to speak to your brother, and your dad, maybe your mother too.”

“What?!”

“You heard me.”

“That’s...three people! I asked you to speak to one!”

Lukas just gives him a look and Matthew looks down, properly chastised, he knows what he said was silly. “Al calls me every other week from the ISS, I don’t want to bug him with this stuff while he’s up there doing spacewalks and spending 99 percent of his efforts keeping his very human body alive in an environment that is pretty hostile to it. But he returns to earth in three months’ time. I’m planning on going down to the States to spend some time with him, and of course I’ll see my Dad. I’ll speak to them then.”

“You can’t speak to your parents before your brother gets back?”

Matthew gulps. Lukas is right, there’s no excuse really. “What is speaking to them supposed to accomplish? We’ve put all this stuff behind us, the person who’s failing to deal with it is just me.”

“A therapist then. Whatever you need to do to realize how…good you are. How worthy, because frankly, even if I resolve everything with Mathias and came back to you, until you resolve that particular hang up of yours, we wouldn’t last anyway.”

The words strike him like a punch to the stomach, but Lukas doesn’t stop. “I know how jealousy starts Matthew, believe me, I know how it feels and how it works. I spent years feeling inadequate and hiding it with bravado. If you continue feeling inadequate, you won’t let yourself believe that I would want to be with you, and if you don’t break it off for some imagined reason, I would get mad because of the trust issues. Passive aggressiveness would ensue and the break up after it.”

Matthew has nothing to say, but he can feel the defensive anger uncurling in his gut. “So you have it all figured out then?!” Honestly didn’t he just say that he understood how it felt?

“No Matthew. I don’t. And here the part where I also warn you that I’m horrible at comforting people.” Lukas lets out an exasperated sigh. “Look, I’m not even asking you to resolve this immediately, that’s impossible. I’m asking that you be willing to try to. Just like how you know I wouldn’t be able to resolve this mess of memories I have with Mathias in a few days, months even. I’m asking you the same as you’re asking me - to try, to want to fix these things, and then, maybe, we can help each other through it.”

Matthew calms down, his anger dissipating as quickly as it rose because he knows that Lukas isn’t suggesting anything wrong, or unfair. He’s right really.

“Fine, I need to have a think on how best to tackle it. Speaking with my Dad may not get me anywhere, but maybe the...therapist, and I’ll definitely speak to Al when he gets back.” Matthew felt a little odd about the therapist. He knows he has hang ups but they don’t seem serious enough to take a therapist’s time away from people who really need them. Not to mention, spilling out his insecurities to a stranger?

Lukas holds out a hand to help Matthew up and he grabs it. “We have our quests then. But for now, with the sun this high, let’s head back.”

There’s an awkward silence at first but the hike back is long. The same lull and peace that calmed them on the way in, worked the same on the way out. Matthew is grateful, and wonders if he fell into the trap of underestimating nature, believing that if he wasn’t careful, he would lose another sanctuary to his thoughts. He gazes at the boreal forest and its tall trees, older than he will ever be, bigger than he will ever be, have witnessed things that make his own personal problems insignificant. He thinks of the preserve he’s walking through, how awe inspiring it is, and revels in the sensation of being a tiny part of something bigger than himself. He feels inspired, real, and oh so small. Even if he messes up, it really isn’t the end of the world. Matthew smiles to himself with the knowledge that no matter what happens, there’s still one place where he can find truth and peace.

Notes:

Sorry if Matthew and Lukas are kinda OOC? It’s tough to write two characters who don’t like to talk much when they have to have a talk. But I tried.

Also, I realize that I’ve been making up company names but LEGO is LEGO.

#fic: Mr 7th floor #nedcan

8 notes · View notes