#the spirit of amanda grayson inhabited me i suppose

[spiders-notagain]

How to tell if your vulcan buddy is into you

The first thing to establish is why your vulcan chose you in the first place. There are two main methods vulcans use to choose an intended mate. The first is obviously based on logical criteria. This is a process that evaluates personality, ethics, and life goals to estimate compatibility. Mental/psychic compatibility is also evaluated alongside other criteria but is often weighted more heavily, with psychic incompatibility being a huge dealbreaker. The other method is shon-ha'lok, loosely translating to love at first sight. This traditionally describes the state of being in romantic infatuation/obsession with someone but is often used by vulcans to describe one who chooses an illogical choice of mate. It is however possible to be in shon-ha'lok for someone who is also a logical choice of mate.

As with human courting, actions are functional, either being used to demonstrate worthiness as a potential partner or to fulfill internal desires. They can be sorted into the five love languages.

Gift Giving: Gifts have a long history of relevance in vulcan marriages. In historical times, gifts were often expensive and extravagant. This is not necessary in a post scarcity society so vulcans commonly give gifts that are thoughtful and personalized to the receiver. Vulcans very rarely give gifts in this manner to another vulcan who is not A. their intended or B. a family member because it may be seen as nosy. Gifts given may be functional (ex. a can opener), decorative (ex. an art piece), or just enriching to your life (ex. a tea flavor you just ran out of, a book you mentioned was hard to find again)

Quality Time: Spending time with another is a logical way to measure compatibility through conversation and psychic proximity. However, vulcans have a looser definition of how much quality time is needed before marriage than humans. Any time spent together that fulfills these criteria is counted as quality time including time spent together for work or social group purposes. Additionally, vulcans avoid complete isolation with their intended (they're trying to avoid the temptation to maul you) and will prefer instead partial isolation, such as public parks or restaurants.

Physical Touch: Hand-to-hand contact is not only a logical way to measure psychic compatibility but is also physically desirable. This may be expressed as subtle touches (ex. brushing hands when giving each other objects, resting your hands near theirs.. etc.) or deliberate (offering the ozh'esta, touching their arm to get their attention, pressing their shoulder to lead them along.. etc.) Physical contact is taboo in vulcan culture so touching someone unnecessarily is specifically notable.

Words of Affirmation: In general vulcans only say things that are true and do not exaggerate facts to flatter. Excessive praise is thus reserved for things that are truly extraordinary. However if excessive praise is given, it could possibly indicate a romantic bias. This includes praise that is a personal expression of emotion (ex. I like your eyes, I enjoyed your performance) Pet names and expressions of endearment are usually reserved for relationships that are more cemented but occasionally if a vulcan is really down bad for their intended, they may use them earlier.

Acts of Service: Caring for one's intended is a logical way to demonstrate capability as a logical mate. This includes an attentiveness to your needs that outpaces even human friendships (ex. providing food or snacks, fetch quests for you) In the courtship stages, vulcans will temper this desire, balancing it with public decorum. However, this may include actions that are nosy and intrusive by human standards (ex. organizing your cupboard, folding your laundry) By vulcan standards, inviting your intended to your home to hang out casually is an intimate milestone and indicates a deep commitment to the relationship, soon before a proposal. So touching their things is not especially more intimate than the mind meld you'll have soon if not already.

You may notice that many of these things are very typical for a normal human friendship and thus not particularly intimate. This is because vulcans are so ridiculously reserved that expressing the love languages at all is very notable.

There are of course, cases where vulcans may do these things not because they've chosen an intended, but because they've chosen to integrate with humans and reciprocate their actions of friendship. In this case, you can tell the difference because vulcans can't pine romantically for years. Not only is it illogical, but biology will inevitably force their hand in some way. If rejected they will either enforce distance and move on (abruptly ending all displays of affection whatsoever) or stubbornly attempt to change their intended's mind, increasing their displays and attempting to resolve any perceived obstructions (if it's another person this can lead to violence)

Vulcans technically have a sixth love language which is their mental contact but nothing substantial is done with this until bonding.

#star trek #vulcans #vulcan culture #the spirit of amanda grayson inhabited me i suppose #this is more or less an amalgation of stuff ive seen in canon and in fics #with a few of my own hcs #fandom ramblings