#the scenery is gorgeous and the dialogue is SO endearingly cheesy

[fischotterkunst]

an informal review of "La Tulipe Noire" (1964)

this film named after but NOT based on the novel by Alexandre Dumas, best known for "The Three Musketeers" (to which a character in "The Black Tulip" gives a nod). the theme of "fuck the monarchy AND ALSO fuck cops" is just as strong in this movie, however, and it likewise takes a couple of interesting twists while following the titular vigilante, The Black Tulip.

^^^ ET SON CHEVAL, VOLTAIRE 👏👏👏

The Black Tulip is the alter ego of local nobleman Guillaume de Saint Preux who robs from the rich in the name of the poor. and disrupts aristocrats in various vague ways but mostly robs them. he's famous in the province, beloved by the people and hated by the authorities.

^^^ he plays tag with Voltaire ngl that's cute

during a robbery and subsequent encounter with Head Buffoon/Police Lieutenant Baron La Mouche, Guillaume receives a nasty wound to the face, marking him and thus preventing his appearance in society lest he be recognized. so he sends for his younger brother, Julien, who strongly resembles him and also happens to idolize him. Julien is a revolutionary and gladly agrees to double as Guillaume in public so he can continue his Black Tulip activities without suspicion.

Julien starts out the film as a pathetic little meow meow he's so cute and he's trying so hard ;3; five minutes into the gig, he falls off his horse and is nursed by Actual Goddess, Caro

i literally spent half the movie physically holding my heart as it tried to beat out of my chest like a cartoon character im very in love with you, ma'am.

Caro and her father are also revolutionaries, and when Guillaume gets tired of the charade and tells Julien that he's always just been in it for the money and doesn't give a shit about the poor or the revolution, Julien snatches The Black Tulip role from him like a powdered wig and goes to get fencing lessons from Caro

when she's a 10 AND she can kick your ass with style and grace 😍😍😍

obviously Julien falls in love with her (who wouldn't???) and lemme tell u i haven't cared about a straight couple getting together in a MINUTE but i love these two

the revolutionaries hatch a super sneaky plot to fuck with the monarchy that starts with Julien faking a love note to Prince William from the Marquise and then going to "defend her honor" (the Prince is ugly af she wasn't losing out) in order to assassinate the Prince. said assassination devolves into shenanigans (this is a comedy and they play the Actual Plot and humor together beautifully) i won't spoil the entire rest of the film but i wanted to share some of my personal highlights:

^^^ Caro's dad impersonates the Prince

^^^ Vintage Film Fight Slapstick hell yes

^^^ both Caro and her dad get to do some genuinely badass swordplay (seriously, i love the role Caro has in this film. there's a brief bit in her intro scene where her father mentions he calls her by a masculine name because he wanted a boy, but afterward it is never made an issue of that she's a woman. she's overall equal to the rest of the heroes which really surprised me for a film made in the 60s. if anything they sexualize Guillaume so much more than any of the women in this film. he's running around with his tiddies out for 90% of the scenes he's in.

^^^ ( @ Netease i fully understand the decision to have borrowed the main Black Tulip outfit but next time consider this alternative)

so yeah if you're into bare-chested men covered in their own blood this film ALSO is for u!!!

like i said in a previous post, if you enjoyed The Princess Bride this film is right up your alley in terms of mood and aesthetics. i can definitely tell where the filmmakers and possibly even the author drew inspiration from this movie. 10/10 would recommend and will certainly rewatch again.

#don't mind me i just really adore vintage cinema #the scenery is gorgeous and the dialogue is SO endearingly cheesy #long post #the black tulip #la tulipe #noire #river babbles