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naruto-oc-critiques · 7 years

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be nice 2 me nerds <3

she’d still kinda incomplete, so yeh - Syn

— General —

Name: Mao Fujioka

Meaning: Genuine thread; Wisteria hill

Gender: Female

Birthday: July 6th

Age: Part I: 24-25 Part II: 27-28

[I didn’t know Mao was a Leo. Run for the damn hills.]

— Characteristics —

Blood type: O

Height: : Part I: 5’5” Part II: 5’5”

Weight: : Part I:133 lbs. Part II: 136 lbs.

Eyes: She has upturned eyes; almond shaped with a lift up at the outer corners. They’re the same color as burnished copper.

Hair: Layered, slightly curly hair that reaches mid-shoulder blades; she keeps it in a low, semi-messy bun with a senbon stuck through it and has some curled fringe (almost like Spanner from KHR, except looser). Dark brown in color; about the color of dark chocolate, if not just a bit darker.

Skin: Peachy skin tone with smatterings of freckles along her arms and legs.

[Realistic height and weight CHECK. Cute eyes ;) Curly hair in Narutoverse? Me likey. Also senbon is cute because ayyyy Genma is the love interest so it’s foreshadowing. :D]

— Appearance —

Child: Shorter hair left loose, and was one of the kids that kept more of their baby fat longer so she had chubby cheeks. Simple outfit of shorts, and a t-shirt or long-sleeved top (much to her mother’s chagrin) in simple colors with the typical ninja sandals.

[What a cute kid. I can imagine Mao getting ticked off and pointing stubby baby fingers at people while she pouts with them chubby cheeks.]

Academy: Longer hair in a ponytail, curly fringe. Typically wore a grey hooded vest over a plain black long-sleeved shirt and black shorts with once again black ninja sandals. She wasn’t one to bother with colors or girly things and preferred to keep it simple.

[So much black. Too much black. You do know that blue cloth is all the rage in Konoha right? Even for emo chicken butt head Sasuke? Add one dash of color, even if it’s a small accessory. ples.]

Genin: Began putting her hair into a loose looking bun and wearing wedged ninja sandals; black. Wore a sleeveless wire mesh shirt under a long-sleeved wide-necked forest green shirt, short black fingerless gloves with metal back plates, and black tapered pants with cargo-like pockets. She wears her headband around her left bicep. Mao also began to gain a lankier form at this point.

[I don’t think a genin at the age of 10 should be wearing wedged ninja sandals. At least, if you mean wedge like a wedged heel… Also CARGO PANTS YES LOVE. POCKETS.]

Chuunin: Lost some of her lankiness for a more pear-shaped body, wedged ninja sandals traded in for some wedged boots; black with grey buckles. She still wears the plated fingerless gloves and now has the leaf symbol etched into both, so she doesn’t bother with her headband. She keeps to the plain colors with a to the body slate-grey and quarter-sleeved mesh-lined shirt, black cargo-esque pants that tuck into her boots, and her flak jacket.

[Oooh, boots. Love. Also, I wouldn’t consider the plated gloves to be her form of identification. She should still need her headband.]

Jonin: The only real change to her outfit is that her cargo-esque pants now have red stitching. This is her answer to Anko’s needling that she “needs more color in her life”.

[Love me some Anko friendship.]

— Ninja information —

Current rank: Tokubetsu jounin [WHAT IS THE SPECIALTY, SYN. HEY.]

-Genin promotion: 10

-Chuunin promotion: 12

-Special jounin promotion: 16

-Jounin promotion: 23

Team: Team Shun (affectionately Team Idiots); Shun Sarutobi, Izumo Kamizuki, Kotetsu Hagane. [YES I LOVE ME SOME IZUMO AND KOTETSU YAS.]

Kekkei Genkai: none

Chakra nature: Earth, Water

Ninjustsu range: midrange

Defensive/Offensive type: A little of both, but more so offensive.

Dominant hand: left

Weapons: senbon and ninja wire are her favorites [wink at Genma because senbon.]

— Summonings —

Species: Tanuki

Where the summoning contract comes from: Matsuyama Forest

Name: Shoukichi

Abilities: Tanuki make near zero sound when walking, as such they are fantastic at stealing things or causing general mischief. Tanuki also have the ability to henge into people or even inanimate objects. Shoukichi is especially bad about stealing things – food is his favorite target.

Mao gains this “light-footedness” as a Tanuki contractor.

Appearance: Shoukichi is a little larger than the average sized raccoon is, and has the signature tanuki fur pattern that leaves him with darkened eyes. His fur is colored with black, varying shades of grey, and white. When he’s contemplating something (often what to steal) his head tilts to the side and the tip of his tongue pokes out.

[Obviously I like the idea of a Tanuki since we talked about it in private and I’m pretty sure I helped you come to the conclusion that Tanuki’s are great as a summons? Gaining a trait from the summons is also cute. But can Shoukichi TALK???? The real question.]

— Abilities —

Strength: Chakra control, traps

Weakness: Hand-to-hand combat. [

Taijutsu: Excellent/Good/Average/Bad/Terrible

Ninjutsu: Excellent/Good/Average/Bad/Terrible

Chakra nature: Earth, Water

Earth Release Jutsu:

Coil of Earth

Headhunter

Mudshot

Mudslide

Water Release:

Kirigakure no Jutsu [protip; just call it hidden mist jutsu. You went for english names for everything except this. Continuity. Also a tiny bit odd that a Konoha shinobi uses this technique as it is a specialty of Kiri ninja. If you really want to use it, I’d suggest having some backstory and have Mao horribly beaten by a Kiri nin who used this jutsu, therefore giving her the determination to learn it herself. Some drawback should be established.]

Water Bullet

Water Prison

Water Dragon Bullet

Also knows Wind Release: Gale Palm [please tell me she incorporates senbon into this. ;)]

Genjutsu: Excellent/Good/Average/Bad/Terrible

Fighting style: Mao’s fighting style is fluid, focusing on dodging and defending more than attacking and preferably done in mid to long range rather than up close. She focuses mostly on ninjutsu, minor seals, and chakra string assisted weaponry. [Chakra strings? Who taught her that?]

— Personal traits —

Personality:

Mao is a subtle antagonist, as she likes to encourage all of the crazy and wild ideas that Anko comes up with, though Mao does on occasion actively participate in mischief. She is witty and often comes off as blasé, which sometimes causes problems to arise when she meets new people. And while she may seem blasé about things, Mao is fiercely protective of all of her friends and family and is quite kindhearted – though she tends to get embarrassed when caught out on said kindhearted, soft moments. [I knew she would be like this. Damn leo’s. Me likey though.]

Once she sets her mind on something it becomes her passion, which sometimes leaves her seeming as if she has a one-track mind. She finds humor the best medicine and cover to all of her more tumultuous emotions, and as humor is part of her default character it can take someone who knows her to tell when she’s just deflecting. [Yes! Character development!]

Likes: All types of food – she loves food more than anything, tending her small her garden, naps in the sun [She must love Akimichi food ;)]

-what she likes to do in her free time: Mao either fiddles around with her chakra strings or takes naps in odd but sunny places. She also likes to read novels.

Dislikes: The period of cooking where you can smell the food come together but can’t eat yet because it’s not done, when Anko or one of the boys cajole her into serious taijutsu practice, missions in rainy humid places because it turns her hair into a monster.

Habbits: When thinking hard about something she goes through the hand signs for the alphabet of standard sign language. When concentrating on a task (a puzzle, something to do with writing or reading) her tongue will poke out of her mouth a little bit.

Fears: Losing everyone, and to a lesser extent being alone – it makes her progressively anxious.

Ambition: To see her kids (genin) grow up and to have a family of her own one day.

— Relationships —

Parents: Yuri Fujioka and Asada Fujioka

Sibling(s): None

Relative(s): Spinster aunt Junko Fujioka [I hope Junko is truly living up to the spinster title.]

Teammates/Ex-teammates: Izumo Kamizuki and Kotetsu Hagane

Friends: Kurenai Yuhi, Izumo and Kotetsu

Best friend(s): Anko Mitarashi, Ashi Inuzuka and Michi

Crush: Genma Shiranui, eventually (it’s a slow thing that happens over time) [SHIP IT LIKE FEDEX]

Rival: She doesn’t really have it in her to have one, not seriously. Anko might be the closest thing.

— Background & history —

Childhood:

Mao was mostly quiet and to herself; she didn’t go out of her way to speak to people so she often drifted around among groups in the Academy. It was a melancholic truth that she didn’t really have very many friends, and she claimed what she had was enough. Though what she had was a bunch of acquaintances and her childhood friend Ashi Inuzuka and his partner Michi, who were three years ahead of her.

But it was in the academy that Mao befriended Anko – or, rather, Anko injected herself into Mao’s life. When it happened the majority of their classmates were confused at the pairing, often asking how it happened. Mao’s answer?

“Skewers, dirt, and a declaration of undying love.”

How much of that was sarcasm Mao’s classmates didn’t know. (Mao would laugh about their confusion, because all she did was offer Anko a stick of dango after the plum haired girl’s got knocked into the dirt. And after she’d had knocked the person that had wronged her into the dirt.) And it was from this point on that Mao became the so-called “devil on Anko’s shoulder”, as she often enabled the plum haired girl’s wild schemes. [Evil little Leo child.]

Genin days:

The beginning of her genin days were rough, as her team didn’t mesh too well in the beginning. Kotetsu and Izumo often ended up leaving her out without meaning to, which caused a lot of tension. Eventually their sensei, Shun Sarutobi, kicked them to the wilds and made them talk. After that they became a fairly capable team that still had some bumps to smooth over. Izumo was often forced to be team mom as well, as Kotetsu and Mao fed off of each other and caused more problems than not, or just got too off-track. They graduated a few months after the Kannabi Bridge incident, so things were still somewhat stressful.

It was on their first C-Rank that Mao’s unsure outlook on her life went through a change. A few things went wrong and they all ended up hurt in one way or another, thanks to rogue shinobi and bandits still feeling empowered thanks to the previously ended war, and their sensei too was hurt as he did his best to protect them. He himself lost an eye in the conflict. It was a wake-up call and Mao, who had previously been unsure of what she was doing since being a shinobi was just something expected of her, started putting in more effort and time than she ever had to getting stronger. Because if there was one thing she knew, it was that she wanted to protect her friends. [I LOVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTTTTTTTTTTTTTT YES.]

Chuunin days:

Mao participated in the chuunin exams the same time Anko did, and the two actually ended up fighting in the final round. Anko came out the ultimate victor in their match, but both were promoted in the end along with Izumo and Kotetsu. Apparently a great showing of teamwork during the second phase of their exams, involving transporting an “important document” to Tanzaku Gai without losing it to the “enemies” provided by the chuunin and genin corps helped push forward the promotion of their entire team.

It was after their promotions that, somehow, all members of Team Shun slowly started drifting towards the Intelligence Division. They began running intelligence gathering missions under the guidance of the brand new tokubetsu jounin, Aoba. When not on missions or training together, Team Shun worked on finding their own niche within Intelligence, with Mao initially drifting over to Cryptology a few days a week. It was due to her interest in sealing that initially had her go that way, but after a short period she eventually just drifted back to being a general member of the Intelligence Division. [Sounds plausible. Cute idea for Chuunin exam btw. ;)]

The Kyuubi incident happened about a year after the quartet’s promotions, and Mao didn’t have much of a part in everything besides helping civilians to the shelters and away from the trouble after her initial shock.

The first breakdown Mao had after the initial scare of the mission gone wrong was when Orochimaru defected from Konoha and Anko went missing along with him. Mao nearly had a come apart, with Kotetsu and Izumo having to stop her from barging into the Hokage’s office, emotions blazing. They calmed her down enough that she wouldn’t just burst in anger and Mao practically demanded to be part of a search team, declaring that she knew Anko best.

The Cell she was part of weren’t the ones that found Anko, but they did run into the team that did. Mao stayed by the semi-unconscious and in pain girl the whole way back to Konoha, and once they got back as well. It was after this incident that Anko joined the former Team Shun in the Intelligence Division, quietly at first and then with a bang, much to the chagrin of many. Mao eventually became the one people called whenever Anko became too much for them, and Mao was both amused and a little exasperated by this. [Love this and I want to read this whole ordeal in story format please.]

Around the time Mao was fourteen, she decided to try for a summons. She did this with the guidance of her old sensei and Anko, who had already been long signed onto the Snake contract. Mao’s reverse summoning brought her to Matsuyama Forest where she eventually found her way through the foliage and creatures living there to the master of the forest – the Great Tanuki Chagama-sama. After agreeing to come back to Matsuyama once a year to help with the harvest of food during the peak of the season, Chagama-sama allowed Mao to sign the contract. [What a cute little way to pay back to the Tanuki, oh my goodness, I want to read an omake about her helping harvest please.]

Tokubetsu Jounin/Jounin days:

Once both girls turned sixteen, Mao and Anko (who the Fujiokas had taken in after the Incident) moved into a cheap apartment together after becoming tokubetsu jounin. The only rules? For Anko to keep her mess confined to her room, and for her to never attempt cooking on her own. It was also at this point in time that the two joined the Torture and Interrogation subdivision of the Intelligence Division.

Mao, with the assistance of Anko, annoyed Ibiki into teaching Mao more about the sealing arts. In turn for this Mao was to assist Ibiki whenever he wanted Anko the hell away from him. Mao also eventually became somewhat of a gopher among the Intelligence Division, often being the link between Ibiki and Inoichi when they couldn’t meet with each other. [again in love with these little ideas because uhm yes Inoichi and Ibiki not liking each other???]

It was when Mao was eighteen when she first met Genma Shiranui, and that incident was all thanks to Shoukichi. The tanuki found Genma one day and snatched something of his, which eventually led Genma to Mao. He seemed really surprised when she pulled out her “box of wonders” before pulling his missing item from the pile. [YES A LITTLE EXCERPT? YES.]

(“…I think your friend might have some problems.” He jokingly eyed the creature as it scampered off, probably to snatch something else. “Might need to use some of those employee perks for therapy.”

“Sure. I’ll talk to Inoichi-senpai about some therapy-no-jutsu.” Mao clasped her hands together prettily. “Would you like to be there to voice your concerns and lend your support?”

The senbon in his mouth quirked up as he smirked. “Of course, just give me the time and date, Tanuki-chan.”) [hnnnnnnnnnnnngggggg I need more.]

Later Shoukichi manages to snatch Genma’s lunch, leading the man to come strolling up once again, amused after the initial irritation wore off. Upon hearing the problem she mentioned he must have good taste, and that she owed him a meal, which he did end up taking her up on if only because he was hungry and it meant he didn’t have to pay. Though it became of bit of a normal occurrence, as Shoukichi’s favorite target for theft ended up being the same tokubetsu jounin. It was after a year of these lunches that Mao officially started crushing on the older shinobi – or perhaps that was when she finally realized it, seeing as she never offered to buy anyone else lunch after Shoukichi stole it.

When Mao is twenty-one, she takes that first step into actually making those developing feelings apparent, though it’s not quite of her own free will. Anko drags her, Izumo, Kotetsu, and a few of their coworkers out to celebrate their birthdays and Mao gets more than a little drunk. She ends up kissing Genma, though she wakes up thinking it was some alcohol induced dream. Though it’s at this point Genma starts hanging around a little more – trying to puzzle her out. And months later when it’s his birthday, later that night he kisses her –

“It’s only fair, right? You kissed me for your birthday, so I get to kiss you for mine.”

To this day he reminisces on how utterly red she turned on that day.

But, after that they begin an odd sort of teasing and flirting game that eventually evolves into the same sort of supposedly secret relationship Asuma and Kurenai had by the time Mao is twenty-four and Naruto has graduated from the academy. By this time, Mao is also a full-fledged jounin, having taken the jump the same time as Kurenai. [UHM SECRET RELATIONSHIP YES? CUTE? I SHIP IT LIKE FEDEX?]

During Pain’s attack on the village she’s a key fighter in the battle against one of the Paths. Ultimately, she ends up dead and then resurrected by Nagato - though one of her ninjutsu manages to tear the arm off of the Path that she is fighting before getting killed. [Oooh. Does she have a dramatic death? ;)]

Time skip/Shippuuden:

Mao ends up getting a genin team foisted off on her during the time skip, much to her bewilderment. She’s fairly certain it happened one night when her and Tsunade and a few others got a little too drunk – she figures it was partly Shizune’s revenge for said incident. Said team is composed of Heiwa Inuzuka – the nephew of Ashi – Kaede Yuhi, and an orphan boy named Noboru. And, much to Mao’s amusement, Noburu is supposedly Konohamaru’s rival. She uses this as an excuse to heckle Ebisu, much to his absolute dismay. [You involve so many characters who aren’t completely main and I love it? Teasing Ebisu is great and also like a rivalry about who is the better teacher is also awesome?????? I love this?]

During the time skip Mao and Genma end up getting an apartment together, which Anko still likes to complain about and tease her for all the same. Mao proceeds to pester Kurenai about her and Asuma, which the red-eyed woman takes with a grin. [Wait wait wait when did they become exclusive to all? I need answers and a description of the reactions from friends?]

By the time the chuunin exams Shikamaru was put in charge of roll around it’s been a year since Mao had her team, so she punts them towards the Hokage building without a second thought. [DID THEYSortDO GOOD???? DID THEY MAKE MAMA MAO PROUD?]

War Arc:

Haven’t finished hashing this out completely, so barebones:

The final med screenings before going off to fight find Mao pregnant.

She panics, because she’s not ready and there’s a war

Genma is also panicked, but also relieved as that means she won’t end up on the battlefield.

She spends her free time chatting with Kurenai and cooing over Mirai, as well as heckling Karin to pass the time and keep herself distracted.

Her dream under the genjutsu is getting married to Genma, and having a home constantly visited by her friends and family.

Eventually gives birth to a little boy named Nobu.

They get married some time before Nobu turns three, and Mao ends up pregnant again.

A little girl named Ritsu.

[Sorta cliche to find out she is pregnant before the battle but hey that’s shinobi life for you. And SHE DOESN’T FIGHT IN THE WAR? WHAT. NOPE I DON’T LIKE THIS IDEA ANYMORE I NEED HER FIGHTING AND KICKING ASS. YOU MADE HER SOUND SO AWESOME AND THEN BOOM ANTI-CLIMACTIC END WITH THE WAR AND NOT FIGHTING IN IT? NO SIR-E-BOB. I mean how far along is she pregnant? If she’s under 3 months, I’m pretty sure she can fight? Like if you don’t fight, you may die anyways, so why not fight? Shinobi life? Ninja way? Let’s G-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!]

Epilogue/Chapter 700+:

Genma and Mao are living together happily with their two children, and Nobu’s crush on Mirai provides both of them great amusement. Mao still works in the T&I department, mostly handling paperwork and heckling the newbies.

[Super relaxed epilogue is super relaxed because everyone who lives to the epilogue of Naruto deserves some damn peace and quiet.]

All in all; I lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ove Mao and I need her story pronto. I really don’t see many flaws with her character. Yeah, the ending was mediocre to me with the war. And yeah why does she know how to use the Hidden Mist Technique if she is a Konoha ninja? And maybe the chakra thread too but hey it’s not that big of a deal.

Final score: 9.7/10. I’m rooting for Mao. I love the small details and after going through it all, it didn’t seem like that long of a submission? But hahahaha it is. Me likey. I want more and want a story written.

Love, Dom.

#submission #Naruto OC #mod dom #oc critique #review #mao fujioka

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