#the open ocean aka deep water terrifies the shit out of me but also holy fuck whale sharks??

[galacticdeserts]

Trying not to go overboard planning my vacation because I've always gone on trips that I neurotically plan out and have never just gone on like a "real vacation" with no plans. ....but I'm looking at whale shark and manta ray tours and y'all--

#the open ocean aka deep water terrifies the shit out of me but also holy fuck whale sharks?? #i dream of swimming with them #also manta rays like ahhhhhh #it's so hard for me to not plan every detail of every trip i go on so im really trying to just let this be a literal vacation #but also there's so much i wanna do while im there so i gotta write it all down #personal #galacticdeserts

[flappingbrickwings]

All the feelings

We are comin’ in hot to the new school year fresh off a week of serious summer cramming. When you only get to see your favorite people (my sister and her kids) six days out of the whole goddam year (365 days! Six = less than 1/52. So not cool.), you gots to make it count. 

We did. 

Sunday afternoon the girls and I hopped in an Uber and headed to LAX Enterprise to pick up a mini-van (*extreme eye roll transforms into extreme excitement when I get behind the wheel of this seven-seater beast*), nearly being run off the road by a CHP SUV in the process. We melted into the masses at LAX while my sister battled an irate customs officer who almost didn’t let her into the country because she’d signed her kids’ passports for them. At the instruction of the US embassy in Japan. Just as she’s done for their last five collective passports. Apparently, “My daughter doesn’t write English,” was a point of contention, so yes - despite our feeling of liberal security here in Los Angeles, he-who-must-not-be-named is still making his presence felt. (*Extreme eyeroll/deep sigh/inescapable feeling of impending doom.*)

Monday we hit the Hansen Dam Aquatic Center, aka the fake beach and rolled from there straight to Chuck E. Cheese, aka the fake restaurant. Fortunately they fixed the beer taps making it once again bearable for parents, although I’m still pissed that they’ve replaced the tokens with those cards - just like the school cafeteria. Why are we giving our children credit cards? Guys, it’s so fucked up. 

Tuesday we headed south to Great Wolf Lodge where we arrived just before the 1pm check-in rush and snagged the last early-available room. Woo-hoo! We left the kids in the lobby while we got the bags out of the car and when we stepped onto the elevator to go back down the power went out. (*Instant anxiety-attack.*) Fortunately, the door was about half way closed and the other guy with us managed to push it back open. A crowd of (clearly stupid) waiting people crowded in after us while we beelined for the stairs. By this point the kids were starving - we didn’t time it well - so we just wanted to drop our bags in the room then get lunch before everything went to shit, as it can so quickly with hungry children. 

But when we got to the elevators we found a small crowd of GWL employees waving their hands apologetically saying, “Sorry folks, we just need five minute to re-set the elevators.” Having no intention of walking up eight flights of stairs with all our bags and children, we waited. And then we realized that they were all crowded in front of elevator number one because it was stuck. Somewhere up there in the darkness. Full of people. (*Shudder.*) My sister and I exchanged glances as the kids sunk deeper into low blood sugar insanity and had a silent conversation about whether or not we could in fact do those eight flights. Before we reached a conclusion, the elevator doors slid open and traumatized people began to file out, quietly and calmly, considering. You know when you’re on a full elevator and it stops at another floor and some asshole and his eight kids/buddies/co-workers say, “We can squeeze in, right?” Wow. Was this elevator packed with people. As they exited it was like one of those clown cars or the scene from The Meaning of Life when the products of unwasted Catholic sperm just keep on coming. And there was at least one occupant who weighed at least 300 pounds. Guys, so not cool. Makes me sweat just thinking about it. 

We took the elevator (*shudder*) up and dropped our bags off and then took the elevator (*shudder*) down to the basement. The doors closed behind us and literally seconds later the power went off again. This time we were plunged into total darkness because, as I said, we were in the basement. FULL BLOWN PANIC ATTACK. The emergency lights came on and we grabbed hands and headed upstairs, where we managed to convince a super sweet teenage waiter to seat us and serve us the only thing he could - milk and beer. Word spread around that the city was working on a transponder and it could be another hour before the power came on. We resolved to sit it out and erupted in cheers when the kitchen staff sent out guacamole and chips followed by sliced veggies. Really restored my faith in humanity after the whole, “I can’t let you into the country because you signed your kid’s passport”/CHP trying to run us off the road experience.  

Once the power came on and we downed a couple of margaritas we were ready for the fun. There’s nothing like walking around next to naked with 3,000 strangers to put a smile on your face. And then the cheerleading camp arrived. Not even making that up. I’ll let your imagination fill in the blanks - suffice to say when I went on the terrifying light green slide that launches you out of a cylinder as if aiming to drive you directly into the seventh layer of hell, even though my niece & nephew went before me I still had plenty of support. (I refrained myself from asking the attendant if anyone had ever shit their pants on this before, terrified that I might be the first. Spicy margaritas + anxiety = poquito touch and go.) We shut the park down and dragged the same hangry kids to dinner at 10pm. Ok I admit I had a temper tantrum at about 9:15 when my girls “missed” the lazy river exit again and I stamped my feet and slapped the water and gnashed my teeth and yelled, “I”m starving and tired and I just want to get out of here!” before I realized there was another “grown up” standing right next to me. Chortling, I suspect. 

Thursday we hit Universal Studios where we all drank butterbeer (bit disappointing - definitely the American version of butterbeer at about 90% corn syrup - Hogwarts would never serve it) and pumpkin juice (delicious! spiced cider) and real beer (of course) and ate at the Three Broomsticks and bought wands and chocolate frogs and got to pretend along with 20,000 other muggles that we were in Hogsmeade for a little while. I am endlessly in awe of how one woman tapped into something so deeply personal and yet clearly universal. I guess it’s the collective unconscious? And a tribute to the power of storytelling. In these dark times, stories give us life and keep us going. 

Friday we hit the beach for pancakes, mimosas, and waves. The ocean whispers her own tales, telling us the secrets of where we come from and where we are headed and the relentless possibilities of time and space, light and dark, the weight of water and the lightness of life. And of course the beach is also a great place for a post-mimosa nap. (*Snore.*)

Saturday Sash took the kids and my sister and I hung out, talking and laughing under a veil of impending sadness. It’s so hard living far away from your family. Never gets easier. Add separation anxiety to a looming mid-life crisis and I fear sleepless nights and teary mornings ahead. 

I’m grateful for my sister’s incredible budgeting abilities and airplanes that close the gap and fun parks and minivans and pushed back first days of school and pizza and every flavor beans and G&T’s and everything else that made this week magical.

Now back to reality. Kindergarten orientation tomorrow - holy guacamole. Here we go.

#writing #flappingbrickwings #family #summer #kids #fun