#the gymiest of bros

[thetragicallynerdy]

So I made it back to the gym for the first time in 4 (ish) years today! Hooray! For context, I used to powerlift pretty seriously, but got a bad concussion/brain injury 4-ish years ago and had to stop. While I still have a brain injury, I'm at a point where going back to the gym and trying to start lifting again (very lightly and slowly) feels okay.

I'm going to be doing a sort of journal on here, entirely for my own tracking/benefit, because I'm too lazy to journal things just for myself but will happily yeet it into the world. If you don't want to see this stuff and follow me, block #lifting . There's gonna be some technical stuff in here, feel free to ask questions as well if you want lol.

Some notes after today:

I'm doing stronglifts 5x5 - basically a very simple program of back squats/bench press/barbell rows on day 1, and bench press/deadlifts/overhead press on day 2. 5 sets of 5 reps for each lift, some stretching pre/post, and home.

I got in and out with stretching in just under an hour, which was the goal! I wanted to be able to stay an hour, and I did, which is rad.

Sensory wise the gym is a bit of a nightmare, but wearing a ballcap for light and noise canceling earbuds helped, as did going during the day when it's less busy. It's definitely busier during the day than it was pre-covid, possibly due to ppl working at home and being able to duck out. But I didn't have to wait for a rack/bench at all which was great.

I lifted really light - just the bar for all three lifts (45lbs for the uninitiated). I still came home with a pressure headache, which is definitely from doing actual lifting. It wasn't bad enough to not go, and has subsided to something really managable with rest and food, but something to watch for. I think I need to watch my breathing more too, especially on squats, because it's still instinctual to try and do the valsalva maneuver while doing a lift - which puts a ton of pressure on my head and is very unhelpful. Gotta breathe through the lift! I came home with some neck pain too, which I suspect is from rows.

Squats - definitely the worst on my head. (And by that I mean not 'mental game' but 'headache/brain injury wise'.) I did squats first, and next time I'll save them for last because I am 90% sure that's where most of the pressure headache came from. Moved well, though, much better than air squats at home do which is hilarious. I did low bar, which I think will be necessary for avoiding neck pain.

Bench - felt great. Bench is my weakest lift traditionally, but it was by far the easiest on my head - potentially due to the combo of stability from lying down during, and having a stable place to sit after, as well as less full body movement (which leads to less fatigue, etc). Might have to try sitting on the ground between squats instead of on the rack to see if that helps.

Barbell rows - eh. They were fine. Harder on my neck and lower back. A bit more of a struggle form-wise.

Weight wise - I think it's going to be a bit of a mental game to not push myself to lift more. Physically I can lift a lot more weight than my head can handle, as heavier lifts lead to more pressure on the head. Squats today felt super easy in terms of actually moving the weight, and so did bench. But having a disability means being really careful moving forward and adding weight to my lifts. Which sucks, and is something I'm probably going to be navigating feelings around for a while - I want to be able to do so much more than I can. Complicated grief even while returning to a beloved activity, etc etc.

There's also the aspect of "last time I was here I could lift several hundred pounds, and now I'm back down to the naked bar", which kind of feels shitty (even though I know why, and am super proud I'm back at the gym at all). I'm also aware of an aspect of it that's connected to like, being read as a woman at the gym, and expectations that women lift less. Which is weird, but an aspect of it.

Anyway - all told, it went good, about as well as I'd expected if not as easy as I'd hoped. I'm curious to see how deadlifts etc go when I go back (either later this week, or early next week - the goal is 1-2 times per week). I think that honestly even if it ends up that I can just do bench and some other upper body/seated stuff (there's a lot of machines, even if I prefer free weights), that would be better than the nothing I've been doing. I'm really glad I made it back, even though it feels like it's going to be a long slog to get anywhere close to where I used to be (which might not even happen). Anyway. Yay lifting! Yay being a gym bro again!

#lifting #the thiccest guy on the lower east side #the gymiest of bros #also god the tags associated with gym bro are absolutely terrible #no thank u tumblr i do not want to tag this as 'alpha male' #personal #rambling