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bilbobagginsomebabez · 3 hours

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the loneliness epidemic genuinely supercharges parasociality and the general inclination to get too-attached to public or semi-public figures, fictional or otherwise, and i think we should talk about that more and the figures themselves less.

humans are social creatures, and we do NOT do well in isolation. the first danger is mental and emotional. loneliness causes depression, anxiety, compulsions, psychosis, and more. the second is physical. loneliness literally weakens your immune system and makes you more likely to become sick and less likely to recover from illness. when it becomes chronic, it can permanently change your brain chemistry into what is currently called "extreme social deprivation" and trigger predispositions to life-long mental and physical illnesses like cancer or schizophrenia. this is why solitary confinement is a human rights abuse. [american loneliness context under the cut]

we crave a soundscape that includes the movement of others, the drumbeat that means "you're not alone." under the strictures of increasingly isolated and atomized american life, that need has to be filled somewhere. so we turn to the third space we do have—the internet—and we listen to recordings of the social interaction we crave. this is called an indirect belongingness strategy, and why podcasts are so popular. no direct social connection, but enough of one to keep social deprivation at bay. we saw this really kick into gear with the invention of the radio, the ability to transmit spoken words into remote places and private spaces en masse. after the loss of forums and self-hosted websites, "space" doesn't so much exist on the internet anymore (everybody is on 4 websites) but people very much do. and a large enough congregation around one person turns more and more into a space the closer you get. the stronger their influence, the more social feedback, the more feelings of community, the stronger the enforcement of rules and norms (which feels like safety rather than control when you're nervous and unsure, which lonely people often are).

your access to your primary community space where you get most of your social feedback is now tied to your ability to maintain proximity to this person online, and your proximity to this person online fundamentally requires habitual isolation and the need for indirect belongingness strategies. your ability to meet others like you, forge connections, and maintain them is now tied to both the existence of your loneliness and your ability to maintain proximity to this person. and this is a really powerful position to be in. digital relationships can hold further damage at bay, but they cannot fully satisfy your social needs, like just enough water to keep you both thirsty and alive. we don't actually live in the cloud. our meat suits need in person social feedback or the meat computer in your head gets glitchy. so what happens is this constant low level lack of satisfaction breeds a desperate attachment to the digital parasocial community. you're so thirsty you're desperate for the water you know you can access, but it's never enough and you're too scared of getting truly dehydrated to leave and find another source.

and if you can't maintain proximity to that person, suddenly a lot more goes away than just the silence of your kitchen. if the locus of your parasocial community is found committing some wrongdoing, suddenly you're forced to question and possibly give up your primary avenue of social interaction along with what it means about you that you congregated there, that you have connections there, and that you don't actually want to leave. where will you go next? how will you find people like you again?

your similarity to this person being the avenue by which you find and maintain social connection ties that person up in your identity FAST. so in the end, any threat against the object of your parasocial fixation becomes an existential threat to you and your ability to maintain social, mental, and emotional equilibrium.

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the inverse of "loneliness kills" is also true. strong social bonds literally make you healthier. cancer patients with family that routinely visit during hospitalization are more likely to recover. the latine paradox refers to the way latine communities routinely buck lifespan expectations despite typical socioeconomic obstacles like healthcare access, and it's because of the strength of their communities and social bonds. everyone's an aunt or cousin, and bloodlines are rarely what's referenced in those relationship statements. the "more likely to recover with visitors" effect has basically been turned into a cultural +2 constitution/health modifier.

we've been trained to think that you have to move out at 18 and the goal is to live alone and completely free and independent until you get a spouse and have a family. utterly atomized. completely on your own. this isn't really financially possible for most people anymore, but having a roommate is still considered a "fall back." not the ideal, not the real life you're trying to build. so instead of imagining their living space as a breathing thing, they end up with roommates they barely know and don't speak to and call that a good deal because there's no drama. as independent and unconnected as possible with another person in your house.

the isolation of the home life is exacerbated by the collapsing fabric of american society. third spaces have almost completely disappeared, nobody can leave their house for free anymore, and two or three whole ass fucking generations have lowkey fucked their ability for spontaneous social interaction and do not know how to meet people on top of an economic collapse and climate crisis. older gens can't comprehend the problem or explain a solution beyond "go sit in a place that has people and talk to some of em." so we're lost, stuck, confused, uncomprehending of what our needs are or how to meet them. which carries the benefit to the capitalists of more rent payments, more grocery bills, more wasted food when one person can't eat a whole loaf of bread in 5 days, more stress trying to cook and clean and keep a space positive on top of whatever work you do. like your own self-induced odyssey of isolation and extra chores. your daily life turned into a rube goldberg ass version of sisyphus' pushing that boulder up the hill only for it to roll straight back down.

#blur recognized #loneliness #parasocial relationships #parasociality

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ispyspookymansion · 3 years

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hey sorry if this comes off as intrusive or rude or anything but i saw your post and i want to tell you that you can be upset about anything for any reason as long as you aren’t a dick about it. ugly feelings are natural your body is a glitchy meat computer sitting in a fresh robot it’s not a perfect system lol sometimes we are upset about things that feel mean or we feel, for example, betrayed when it was something that wasn’t even really the other persons fault, or crying over spilling water on the floor, or wishing someone would just never talk to you again over something dumb and inconsequential like maybe i feel it to a much greater degree bc i’m borderline and i can split and stuff which like. irrational feelings are baked into it like that’s the whole concept but. from what i hear pretty much everyone experiences this to some degree. whatever you’re feeling, i think you should accept that you feel it and work on letting it go instead of beating yrself up if that makes sense? sorry i’m high rn : /

no it does make sense !!! not rude or intrusive at all i do actually really appreciate this….i know in theory that it’s, for lack of a non-tumblr-overused word, valid for me to feel this way i cant really help it but i think that hearing someone else remind me that its literally fine our brains are a fucked up set of electric pulses in meat is helpful……i’ll definitely try to just accept how i feel and work from there easier said than done but truly thank u anon

#this is so sweet and i am v grateful you took time to send an ask…..literally i love u…….#asks #anons #kora.txt #i deleted the original post bc i feel silly. but i appreciate this response a lot <33

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