#the book theres no more content. same with silent reading i love mo du thats probably most of why i wont finish it

[rigelmejo]

literally reading hanshe feels like reading one of those graded readers now. past self u would be so happy. like actually. that’s not an exageration. nearly all ‘unknown’ words now are words I know but still look up because I forgot the tones (mo, wo, zuan 攥 means squeeze by the way the writer likes to write ‘squeezed his phone’ like i’d write ‘clutched’ and i always look it up to remember how its pronounced). or its the words ‘suspicious’ or ‘uncertain’ - whenever i see THOSE two words specifically i am not quite sure which word means which until i click the definition. the entire experience right now is a LOT like when i read Mandarin Companion Sherlock and a few chapters in new most of the words vaguely but needed confirmation/clarification.

Also present self me is a freaking coward lol ToT. now that its easier my brain is like ‘oh man Guardian oh man Silent Reading oh man Qi Ye idk if we’re ready for that’

when like. 8 months into learning i picked up those books and tried to read with no dictionary and followed the plot. yes it was exhausting and idk how the hell i managed it. but it was something that Could be done. So of COURSE now that I know more words and literally know a chapter takes 15-30 minutes to read (compared to 1-1.5 hours when I started reading Tian Ya Ke at first), i’m too lazy.

back then, i know what i was thinking. i was thinking ‘if i read a priest novel in a dictionary Reader app i’ll have to click a ton of words and i’m lazy’ so ‘its easier to just read a page with NO dictionary and guess some stuff from context and slide past the rest.’ Which... no it was not easier. Yes it took less physical movement on the part of my hands lol and opening/closing a definition pop up. But reading without a dictionary reference was extremely mentally draining. Hence i eventually made myself go read with the dictionary Reader anyway lol.

now my brain is like ‘well look how easy reading is on the Reader - i know nearly all words and just click at a glance for anything that might take effort to guess and bam its figured out.’ versus ‘oh god if i pick up a print book i will just have to feel mentally drained as i try to puzzle this out.’ even though... i read print Guardian like... 3 weeks ago without a dictionary just fine. i’m just lazy. it wasn’t even that draining if i read the english translation chapter first. that gave me enough context to just relax and read. the Only effort i had to put in was seeing new hanzi and trying to remember them based on radicals/guess their vague pronunciation (since with my digital Reader app i just click at a glance for that). and i know... if i tried to do ‘guardian on reader app versus print guardian’ i would pick print guardian in a heartbeat. 1 because its STILL easier in my brain then having to click many words lol (truly just pausing my reading annoys me lol even if only for a moment), and 2 my print copy has scenes ONLY in the print edition of the novel and i want to know what they are. I read 3 print chapters so far and EACH of them had a few paragraphs to a few PAGES of scenes not in the webnovel version. 

anyway i’m just. going to keep reading hanshe for now. 1. because its getting very easy, and extensive reading (when you actually KNOW most words - not the ‘extensive’ reading i do where i just brute force it even tho i only comprehend like 80%) is supposed to be one of the easiest ways to improve vocab and reading skill. 2. because this baby is 155 chapters and im on chapter 41 and i want to FINISH it. desperately. 3. 155 chapters is a LOT of reading practice. the fact its now something i can read easier just means it will be less draining/more enjoyable practice. and the more practice the easier future reading things will be. better hanshe then to switch to a new story i know less of the author’s vocab for, and whats worse not getting to finish hanshe cause i’ve distracted myself ;-;. because i just love to jump stories but then i finish none that i want to finish since i read chinese so slow T-T. let me finish this oneeee. 

4. hanshe is ridiculously compelling? this writer GETS me. they know just what to write to keep me hooked. its like the perfectly paced mystery/supernatural situation with romance and found family and i ;-;. this writer is great <3. also i love original plots when done well and the many case arcs with their own morals and intensely memorable characters make me feel like im reading a really good mystery writer. 5. you have no idea how much i wanna go back and finish tamen de gushi - that was only 40 chapters i’d have had it done lol. BUT its not written this fast paced/want to know whats next like hanshe the mysteries fic, and i probably would start slow again due to author change of style and word choice. and hanshe has a happy ending whereas tamen de gushi may anihilate me. also i would. literally just restart hanshe Again if i left it ToT i dont wanna do 40 chapters again.

when will i suck it up and just read guardian? when will i accept i can’t be a perfectionist cause i’ll never understand it perfectly, so i should just read? when will i have the courage i apparently fucking possessed in month 8 knowing barely anything but am now too lazy for lol.

on a serious note though. i’m really happy with my reading progress right now. hanshe is really enjoyable to read, and i can’t believe i read 40 chapters in a month.

甭 fun hanzi i learned recently from hanshe. this one is ‘beng’ and is bu-yong contracted. its literally ‘bu’ hanzi on top of ‘yong’. saves space. saves how many words u gotta say. like ‘don’t’.  ‘bu yong - beng’ 甭 i love that visually its also a contraction since its just the usual hanzi only as a single one instead of 2. 

#rant #march progress #yes i realize all my self-notes are just??? whatever ???? whatever is going on in this brain #its a mess i am Aware lol #i find it Beyond funny ToT #that i know i KNOW i could read guardian right now but i wont. because i dont want to be done with guardian completely ;-; and once i read #the book theres no more content. same with silent reading i love mo du thats probably most of why i wont finish it #even though i now have the audiobook FULLY and ive HAD the print books for a year now #cause its so good i just. dont want it to end #and THIS is why i always skip between different things and finish so few #hanshe is genuinely so good though and im so glad its an au because all the characterizations are Perfect #but the details are a surprise. the plot is a suprise and its full of suspense since its supernatural murders #the themes are always a new surprise each case. the relationships develop unique to the au. #the author writes almost like a speaker. if that makes sense. so like over time i read dialogues #that i couldnt even explain to u why i can follow but i can follow them just in a glancing blur #i ran a few spoken lines thru deepl just to double check ive been understanding them right #i have. i guess ive just been surprised i have. since they word things sometimes in a broken up way. or slang way. like actual speakers #or like my own stories dialogues. so when i read i just 'get' it #unrelated but u know what else is fun my googles been in french for years #so whenever i use google translate and put in chinese i get french results and go ????? #half the time. or it expects me to put in french to chinese then i put in english and the translatior goes ??? that. is not french my dude