#the BACKBONE of my solaris interp is her fear

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

hey. don't cry. solaris who struggles to cope with her own mortality, okay? solaris who was irreparably scarred by not only the pain of the death engine's explosion, but the lethality she narrowly avoided? solaris who spent weeks in the hospital, miserably sick, delirious on morphine, failing to wrap her mind around the fact that she may not wake up tomorrow? solaris who blames her permanently ruined health on the agent who ruined her life- who slipped through her fingers- who survived, when by all means they shouldn't. solaris who is left on a timer after the radiation ravaged her body- who won't live to see anything technologically close to the death engine ever come to be. solaris who is compulsively driven to focus on the way the sand slips through the hourglass. solaris who regrets and regrets and regrets, and then spends time regretting all the time she wasted festering in her past. solaris who's deeply, terribly afraid of a future she inadvertently cemented for herself. okay? okay?

#ieytd #commander solaris #the BACKBONE of my solaris interp is her fear #she disguises it with violence and rage but do not be fooled. she is so horribly afraid of what she's done to herself. #she doesn't care about the innocent people or anything really. but she nearly got herself killed. #and yeah sure it was the phoenix's fault. but it wouldn't have been an issue if she killed them. but she didn't. she failed. #and she almost died. and even though she recovered. she is GOING to die. sooner than the people she cares about. #being told to your face by medical professionals that your chances of survival are slim is... to put it lightly‚ unpleasant. #women who regret. women who don't cope with what they've done. women who are messy and violent and miserable. oukay?