#the 'how' is so severely neglected

[yugiohz]

a lot of (contemporary) books suck because authors are too preoccupied with plot, too little with discourse

#the 'how' is so severely neglected #i think han kang might be my fav contemporary voice i love her narrative style so much #she could write about grass growing and i would be invested

[hibanny]

what i love about Dungeon Meshi is how Ryoko Kui slowly eases you into how fucked up its world and story are, she doesn’t throw all the drama and darkness in your face right away, sure it starts with tragedy but she then walks you through, to, and beyond it in a safer and less overwhelming way by focusing on its comedic and lighthearted parts with sprinles of more serious and darker ones thrown in, slowly making the latter parts be of bigger importance the deeper into the dungeon the characters go, which, in my opinion, makes its dramatic and heartwrenching moments much more impactful because you feel a lot more connected to its world and characters once you get to where everything is going, you start to care about them because of their positivity and beauty so you want to stay through their negativity and ugliness.

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon #idk if this sounds weird but i just really love this manga and how Ryoko shows us its world to us #i also really love the little bits and pieces of character and world expositions we get throughout #it makes everything feel a lot more fleshed out #in a way that doesn't make you tired of it #re-reading it after several months of neglect made me realize why i got so into it the first time and i had to talk about it lol

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again. #sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all. #imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs! #so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately. #but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when. #like. imagine that. jesus dude. #like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here. #but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

[non4ry]

Capcom should hire me to write Ashley because I understand her more than anyone in that entire company

(read tags for more context)

#resident evil #ashley graham #resident evil 4 #re4 #re4 remake #leon s kennedy #re4make #alright so this is my very mini ashley analysis I have a lot more thoughts about her #it makes me so sad that people take ashley at face value because I think there’s definitely something more to be said about her character #I do think that ashley despite dramatization bc video game is a pretty realistically written character. like she’s a young woman in an #insanely traumatizing situation #and she is CONSTANTLY disrespected. she has been kidnapped . violated insulted and the worst part of it is that she’s just a means to an end #and I do believe in my heart of hearts that president graham is kind of a shit person. IS a shit person especially politically but even as #a father??? like he’s the PRESIDENT how does he not have better security over his daughter #and ashley’s mother is presumably dead .. she gives off very. neglected and I know part of it is just the situation but she actively seems #to Expect to be hurt by other people. even leon and she feels guilty for her ‘weakness’ in their situation even though she’s actually very #helpful and resourceful several times throughout the game #idk i always think about that one scene where she’s coughing and leon tries to be kind to her and she freaks out on him like #SHE CANNOT ACCEPT KINDNESS BECAUSE SHE CANNOT PAY HIM BACK!!!! #and then at the end of everything she offers him sxl gratification because that’s the only thing she can think of to repay him #she’s been led to believe she must owe a man something for saving her and that is a very unfortunate reality for a lot of women #idk. i love ashley #she’s literally me #no kin / id tags.. do not tag as ship

[emmavakarian-theirin]

ISOLDE.

#oh the essay i could write on how much i DESPISE her #alistair started talking about her and all the hatred i had for her came back in force #and now i'm face to face with her and i'm starting to think it's morally and logically correct to sacrifice her #first for being a child neglecter and second for enabling all the chaos and death and destruction to redcliffe #all so she wouldn't disappoint her fereldan daddy who is ALSO a child neglecter but she's worse and i can't kill him tragically #but even fucking. about to enter the castle after saving the village after SEVERAL NIGHTS OF DEATH BECAUSE OF THIS #and she scoffs at alistairs mere presence?? bitch he was 8 when you saw him last and sent him away! EIGHT!! #fuck you and the noble you rode on #dragon age origins #and as for logically correct: if you leave the village at all before battle everyone (except teagan) is killed. EVERYONE. and that's 1 night #after several days of attacks! no one else is left!! but the demon is still alive in the castle and anything can happen #and it takes 1-2 days to get to the circle to get the mages. leaving for up to 4 days to get more help to *possibly* stop more deaths? #and it's clear arl eamons life takes priority over all else.... #so yeah time to kill a bitch i guess 💅

[raiiny-bay]

the photos i chose for marky's character page really captures his essence i think

#marky's life would be so blissful & problem free if it weren't for the fact he's dusty's cousin #dusty accounts for at least 87% of marcus' stress #they're almost perfect opposites #i've been writing more of him lately for the new AU i started #i kinda forgot how fun he is to write #mm i really should pay more attention to my other OCs #ever since dhes & kel became the main focus of the story #the others have been severely neglected lol #rainyrambles

[mythicalcoolkid]

All of the things that would be "awkward" for me to do around extended family are really not because of me or anything about the thing itself, but entirely about how my parents stopped telling anyone major information about me after like fifth grade

Like I can't bring have disability aids with me NOT because health stuff is weird but because it's much weirder that I have in fact had significant health problems since I can remember and have been disabled since, generously, 17 (more accurately 11 or 12) and my parents didn't tell anyone. I can't officially come out NOT because people would be weird about it (they would but I don't care) but because that would necessitate admitting that I've been living socially as male for going on ten years now and my parents never said anything and had me just. Pretend I wasn't. Like it's so funny now that I've had so many huge life changes that I CAN'T talk about it because the inevitable follow-up is "wait. This has been going on HOW long...?"

#m/cc #yeah I transitioned and have been living stealth as a man for nearly a decade (probably pretty obvious honestly #you have to at least have thought I was a lesbian unless you chalked it up to like. kids these days or something) #but yeah I've used a cane for a year or two now because my physical health kept declining #you know. from the long term health conditions I've been dealing with since I was 10? #you know the big health scare I had like four years ago with the genetic condition? and five years ago when I almost died? #we think some of the issues were caused or exacerbated by malnourishment when I was a kid. oh yeah I was neglected and abused #and severely underweight. that's why I was so weird as a kid. I also had neurodevelopmental issues but I didn't see a doctor about it #until I was an adult. yeah I had a lot of medical issues go untreated for disturbingly long periods. even really simple ones #I think my lungs are weird from how often I had bronchitis haha I just always had a sore throat for years too #there's some suspicion from professionals that I might've been involved in like covert organized crime activity. it's been really traumatic #but anyway I'm moving out west with my fiancé. yeah I'm gay and I'm getting married we've been together for years <3 #happy Thanksgiving! <3 #I. might delete this post not gonna lie

[dennisboobs]

i'm. i can't do proper metas until i actually have the time to do them. but i will eventually dig further into charlie and bonnie's relationship and mac and his mom's. its stewing.

#ada speaks #i need more than a couple hour set aside for it and i want to do some research so that i can properly examine what's going on #i'm very familiar with den's brand of parental trauma because i lived it but charlie and mac's arent entirely my wheelhouse #but fuck if i don't know exactly how that shit feels #mac's mom being like. authoritarian and completely uninterested in giving mac love or affection #expecting him to shut up as soon as she quietly raises her finger and then burning him when he doesn't obey #mac's been scared and threatened into being well behaved #charlie on the other hand had no supervision and was left to grow up alone #while also coming to terms with the fact that despite what bonnie says. her love for him is obsessive and smothering and extremely unhealth #charlie is aware of this and takes steps to separate from her but he still feels that responsibility #while mac tries his fucking hardest to get his mom to love him back #charlie wishes his mom loved him less #she's definitely got several mental illnesses and i don't think its her fault but she did NOT raise charlie adequately (or really at all) #but this is why charlie was so angry at his dad for not being there for him. both parents neglected him. #all he got was a pen pal when what he needed was a father to be there for him when his mother wasn't

[bonefall]

Thoughts on sandgorse? Out of all of the cats out there he deserves to get kickdropped into the dark forest. Don’t think Mapleshade would be too happy with how he treated Tallstar 🧐🧐

Jeez! He's a jerk but I don't know if I'd Dark Forest the dude!

On one hand, I think it's really obvious that Heatherstar and the rest of WindClan were looking to slowly kill tunneling as a practice, an ancient tradition, and I really don't fault him for being angry about it y'know?

Especially the part where ALL THREE of the Mist/Hare litter was made into Moor-runners with the "it's what the parents want" excuse, then the next three were also made into Moor-runners including Tallpaw... I would also call out Heatherstar.

Like, it's not just about Tallpaw. Sandgorse is looking at the extinction of a tradition he is extremely proud of.

The death of a tradition. Because it is being killed on purpose through tunnelers intentionally not being given apprentices.

ON THE OTHER HAND, he absolutely starts getting cold and distant from Tallpaw when he isn't becoming what he wants him to be, and pushes him into training waaay too young. I think the narrative does a good job at making sure you know that Sandgorse is absolutely in the wrong for how he treats his son, and the impact it has on Tallpaw.

It's a conflict I really enjoyed because it's pretty real; and Sandgorse isn't an abusive MONSTER like Rainflower or Lizardstripe. Just unsupportive. I really felt Tallpaw's pain when Sandgorse died in that cave-in, because Sandgorse wasn't an evil stereotype.

I think about that line from Bojack Horseman a lot, the one from the funeral. "It's like Becker!" How losing a shitty parent is like a TV show that you're waiting to get better, and then it ends before it ever does, and now it never will. That's how I feel about Sandgorse.

#And to be clear I like that #Yknow? #I like when a parent death in fiction is complicated #I like it more than just having Nice Parents all the time #If there's anything I really didn't like about Tallstar's Revenge it's how it ultimately said it's cool and good for this tradition TO DIE #''Oh it's dangerous'' Being a warrior is dangerous that's the whole point of the lifestyle #Though I may just be super super sensitive about this concept tbh #I really doooo not vibe with how there are several situations where the writers treat people trying to keep important traditions alive-- #--as being unreasonable. But then bend over backwards to justify why really BAD traditions like the Medcat Vow or Xenophobia need to stay #And it's Curious that the cats who are Bad And Wrong about their traditions tend to be foreigners or non-combatants... #So I think it kinda muddies Sandgorse to me #I can recognize that Sandgorse is a neglectful father who wants his son to be something that won't make him happy #But also there are a lot of extra circumstances surrounding the death of tunneling that make me tilt my head #As both writing choices (in the meta sense) and character motivations (in the sense of taking it at face-value) #Sandgorse #Tallstar #Windclan

[thebleedingeffect]

It's one of those nights where I can feel the childhood neglect, isolation, and loneliness creeping up on me like some kind of familiar, hungry wolf

#WHAT IF I felt like I didn't have to earn love. what if I felt like I was inherently lovable #what if I felt like there wasn't something secretly wrong with me that made me seem off no matter how hard I tried #what if I didn't feel like I had to fight for every scrap of attention. love. and care because I'm always prepared for it to leave #um. so maybe several years of childhood neglect and isolation. then several years of severe loneliness mixed with depression and anxiety- #isnt helping me much. maybe not. #oh my god I need to be crushed I need to be loved I need to be needed I need to be thrown #<- words I said to myself throughout ages 13-19 #and bby it comes fucking BACK SOMETIMES

[anaalnathrakhs]

i don’t know what it is with me and video games but no matter how fun or interesting a game sounds, i almost never boot it up and even when i do i play like thirty minutes and then give up.

like i guess it’s because i’m a internet-addicted little gremlin and the second i open an browser i have a System to get me five different kinds of doomscrolling on hand at once, so unlike irl hobbies that i can do away from the computer or in tandem with my doomscrolling of choice today, i need to have my cozy usual setup just a tiiiny bit out of reach but avoid using it to focus on my game.

i don’t usually have that problem with games on my phone or handheld consoles back when i had one of those, but also i’m careful to pick games that aren’t disturbed by me watching a video at the same time, like wordless brain puzzles or pokemon hunting yknow, if the game starts a story segment or ambiance is important i play that on its own, away from distractions.

even when i play flash games on the computer while watching a video, i feel like i switch back and forth still pretty often. and even when i play a “proper” game with friends and focus on it for a couple hours, i can tell it wears me down and at the end all i can think about it the skin-crawling need to go listen to music really loud and scroll social media for two hours, even though that’s also because of the socialization aspect.

but switching back and forth between a solo game and my usual setup isn’t really an option cuz my computer struggles with it depending on the game, and also even if i did find something on my phone that could fill that role, most computer games are still more involved than mobile games that i can play while doing something else. i wouldn’t want to take away from the experience of a game bc my stupid brain needs to also be doing sudoku and listening to 2000′s pop at the same time. because honestly i kinda already do that when i watch movies and series. which i feel somewhat conflicted about. but that might mean there’s just yknow, no way to get over it, at least in my current circumstances.

#i'm watching a video on how roguelikes are constructed #and i really makes me want to take out my wallet and get myself hades or that one spaceship game that my cousins were really into #when i was a kid #but like #what's the point in buying a game i'll play for two hours #no matter how fun and interesting and compelling it is #i'm already neglecting my darkwood save file.... #quitting papers please timelines in the middle so i no longer remember what kind of run i was trying to do #procrastinating on getting to the story ending in slime rancher bc i'm afraid to not have 100%ed everything else beforehand #sorry to my dear friend who gifted me autonauts several years ago i still haven't gotten past the tutorial #for my defense i told you that just because i liked the free alpha it didn't mean you had to buy the full game for me #broadcasting my misery #i'm putting that in the nd tag fuck it #why i could have adhd #time management is hard #especially hobby time management

[caffeinatedopossum]

Getting sick as an adult and having the terrifying realization that when I would get multiple sinus infections a year from my "allergies" and my mom told me I would die if I didn't take my medicine even though I only felt mildly ill...

yeah turns out what she meant by that was not "sinus infections are very deadly" but was in fact "I will not take you to the hospital if this gets so bad that it starts to kill you and I cannot afford a dead kid on my hands"

#like not to shame people who suffer from sinus infections. like sure they suck. but under normal circumstances they should not be killing u #and neither should allergies to pollen for that matter #it was also a problem because i was pretty severely underdeveloped (still am) and my throat was genuinely so small i couldnt #swallow the pills without very bad pain and fear of choking. especially since i was unable to breathe through my nose #like taking any amount of time to swallow something when your nose is completely congested feels bad #i also couldnt handle the liquid form of dayquil that i wad given because i knew it made my siblings gag and i had awful emetophobia #anyway yeah just thinking back on the neglect as an adult really puts things into perspective #i can think of at least 10 times off the top of my head that she would have let me die without batting an eye #and idk how i survived honestly. i guess i was just fortunate because theres no way i saved myself in those scenarios #actually there was one time my sister took me to the ER (against my moms will even though she had health insurance 🙃) #but that was when my sister was an adult #i mean that same sister also did allow other shady stuff though without batting an eye so idk how grateful i should be #like she was perfectly fine with the fact that our house had no heat and i just occasionally (every day) could not be woken up #idk what kinda double standards she had going on there but yeah #i lived! yay...? #yea yay

[deviantartidentitydisorder]

people let tiktok poison their idea of mental health and it's not even in the way people think. people think that tiktoks lead to more people self diagnosing, more people lying about disorders, and more people purposefully seeking out accommodations they don't need. this is what society thinks tiktok has done to mental health.

but everyones already thought that. they thought that about tumblr, and then twitter, and now tiktok. any platform that allows mentally ill people to talk about their experiences will lead people to believe that specifically because there is no other safe place for people to be open about mental health symptoms. you can post on twitter all day about how theres rotting food in your bed and everyone will find it relatable, but if you brought that up in public you know the reaction wouldbe completely different.

you know what tiktok did do in the realm of mental illness? de-legitamize real struggles. everyone thinks mental health is the same as what they think their "worse" is. they think anyone who gets worse than THEIR personal "worst" is faking. they think the people in psyche wards are over reacting because THEY would never scream randomly and consistently on THEIR "grippy sock vacation." they would never let their room get THAT messy even though they have ADHD and need medication, you're clearly using this as an excuse! they would never rely on the DSM-5 for their symptoms, they just manage them like an adult!

Never in my FUCKING LIFE have I had so many people assume I a self diagnosed and faking? For three years on this app I was accused of faking my head injury just for fucking funsies, because people didn't believe I was actually disabled on this app. And you know what? That is NOTHING in comparison to the way tiktok reacts to my videos, and the craziest part to me, is that i am VISIBLY disabled. I am visibly unwell. unlike tumblr, every single tiktok video I make about my disabilities has MY face in it, my TEETH in it, my speech patterns, my weird body movements, i don't edit anything out, that would defeat the purpose of the videos im making. and yet... despite that. every SINGLE hate comment i get is focused on the fact that i must be self diagnosed and lying.

what i need to make explicitly clear is: i am not self diagnosed. i am not self diagnosing my parents. i am not self diagnosing my family. it feels as if people forgot that disabled people EXISTED before tiktok. disabled people WITH DIAGNOSESES existed before tiktok. multiple of my family members have to use AAC devices, multiple of my family members are in full time wards because of their severe schizophrenia. Many of my family members are bed-bound because of physical disabilities that have rendered them such.

And EVERYWHERE I go people assume I am self diagnosed, that my parents are self diagnosed, that EVERYTHING is self diagnosed if its about any disability that doesn't immedaitely wheelchair bound you. Its insane and its happening rapidly! I dont understand whats fucking happening!

#(edit: this is rebloggable if you feel like you want to) #it is so fucking weird!!! #i have never in my life had someone get on my case for saying my DAD has autism!? #BECAUSE HE DOES. HE DOES AND IT IS WELL ACCEPTED IN MY ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY THAT HE DOES #LIKE WHAT!? #ITS A JOKE THAT MY MOM EXCLUSIVELY DATES AUTISTIC MEN. AND ITS TRUE. SHE LITERALLY ONLY DATES AUTISTIC MEN. #MY MOMS DIAGNOSED PSYCHOTIC AND PHYSICALLY DISABLED!? MY DADS DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE CPTSD AND IS PHYSICALLY DISABLED?! #ALL DIAGNOSED BY DOCTORS #WHY DO YOU THINK THEY HATED DOCTORS?! #IT MAKES ME FEEL CRAZY!!!! #and then i go guys i was abused the way i was bc i was raised by extremely traumatized disabled people who didnt want me to get diagnosed #because all of their trauma came from their disabilities and how they were treated bc of it so they thought itd be better to neglect it an #and let me live a 'normal life' when i was a mixture of BOTH FAMILIES DISABILITIES

[snarltoothed]

yo barbies do have absolutely inhuman proportions and theyve given ken a truckload of cake. just an observation after play acting a barbie affair to a toddler and trying to reiterate the points her mom was trying to make every time she was upset through Ken, who had to be the voice of reason the way Barbie and Barnie kept hitting & yeling at him bc he had a baby with Barnie and their baby can magically fly and is causing a whole lot of problems and infected Dr. Mouse with her magical flying ability but neither of them are good at it and they keep sustaining what should be fatal injuries by jumping off of rooves and i got nowhere in probing about why Baby and Dr. Mouse want to hurt themselves and won’t just rest it off like Dr. Mouse said before she got magic infection and like Dr. Unicorn said before that before he died (permanently i guess she never brought him back lol) because this little girl had more insistence toward playing barbies for “just a little longer” than i have ever had toward ANYTHING…

(like. 2 hours of barbies prior to driving her around and hoping she’d sleep then bringing her to a playground trying to tire her out then the long way home to see if she’d pass out then for like 3 hours but ALAS she wanted to play barbies again within the hour and we continued on and off for 5. hours. i was three feet from the dolls to take my meds and a drink of water and she was like “ken…?” and i was like “one second honey ken is distracted by the movie but i’ll come back over in just a minute i just need to do something real quick” and she was just like “no! no!” and intensely cried for the 30 seconds it took me to swallow 👁👄👁)

((maybe i was also bossy af at her age, suppose maybe i wouldnt remember being tantrum prone toddler lmao… everything i remember i feel like i was pretty meek but i probs cried a lot. idk if i WAILED tho. my mom describes me as “perfect (in terms of childhood behavior) until puberty”. whereas my brother was a monster until about 3 or 4 and she isnt afraid to say so… either way no judgement unto the toddler, i probably started internalizing my feelings way too young for that to be healthy. tangent. my b.))

anyways point being: why are barbie’s legs still so fucking long??? her torso is more normal these days than 20 years ago but ye gods, the woman has still gotta be 7ft tall… and why can’t we out barbie in flats? literally why does she still have deformed ballerina feet? little girls don’t wear heels. little girls shouldn’t wear heels? not like that? because adult fucking women shouldn’t? (thankfully my psuedoneice wants everyone but ken naked ?)

SECOND POINT BEING: MOMFEMS, SINGLE MOMS, MOTHERS IN GENERAL… i have the utmost fucking respect for you. mothers do more for the world than ANY man, EVERY government & law system, fuck, even all the goddamn charities and every single scientific discovery presently known or yet to be found out. and it is NOT EASY WORK!! it is often THANKLESS WORK. it is always UNPAID WORK. mad fucking respect to moms. i could never.

#r #childposting #mom positivity #mother positivity #mother worship #disclaimer that obviously yes there are BAD mothers who neglect and/or abuse their kids and obviously i don’t condone that #this is how you know i love my bestie/basically sister #like it isnt that bad fr because i do love her and her daughter like family #but 7ish total hours of barbies until nearly 2am is not something you’d generally catch me subjecting myself to yknow #my bestie has a broken collar bone so she an her daughter have just kinda been stuck in the apartment w each other #and so she’s been doing this for like a week. plus her kid is starting to get sick of her and was being super mean to her #i knew she needed a break 😭 at least the kid wasnt mad at me #until she started nodding off trying to play barbies lmaoo #her eyes kept closing and she’d start to go limp then she was just forcing her eyes back open and screaming ‘no!’ for several minutes #we kept trying to ask like no WHAT girl we’re all just sitting here #until finally she got sooo mad that she was falling asleep she did her no thing then looked me dead in the eye and went ‘STOP DOING THAT’ #my reaction made her cry ☠️ i couldnt keep from laughing a little i was like girl i cant make you fall asleep youre doing that… #she was at the point where ANYTHING wouldve made her cry so i don’t feel that bad it was mostly just so funny #yknow. after she cried and screamed for ~60 seconds and immediately passed out once she laid down #it was less funny before that stopped

[skyteglad]

the latest aita is making me sad. the teeth one. because like... when i was a kid, i was told to have braces! and that i'd need an eventual surgery! and because i didn't want to, my parents didn't make me.

that surgery would've changed my life. i'm not fucking kidding. i'm pretty sure 75% of my physical disabilities stem from not getting that surgery. and by the time i was able to bring up trying to have corrective work again, i was two years from losing my insurance, and my parents procrastinated. now it seems like a pipe dream it'll ever happen.

i get being resentful of your parents forcing you to do things you don't want to do, but god damn, if mine had actually really pushed me into getting braces, my life would be so much different and so much better.

#riot.txt #personal #vent #sorry i'm just. really emotional and maybe a lil triggered #bc SO MUCH of my physical and mental health problems can be stemmed to my jaw #and my teeth. #bc i didn't get that surgery i can't swallow easily. i can't take medication i severely need. my back and neck are bent in ways i can't und #due to lack of breathing. i can't sit up straight bc i can't breathe and that's caused so much damage to me! #if they'd have pushed me into caring for my teeth and my body it would've saved me SO much heartache and pain. i'll have no way of knowing #how different life would be #but i know for a FACT i wouldn't have certain issues i have now... i'd be on mental health medication i wouldn't have chronic pain i'd be #able to function in society without feeling like a burden who'll never be able to get on social security #idk im jst... PLEASE iff you have the chance to have orthopedic work done - DO IT. #if your PARENTS are going to be footing the bill and have good insurance i PROMISE thats a fucking blessing #bc i can't work anymore and the surgery i need that might fix a lot of my life is in the tens of thousands without insurance that i cant bu #anyways sorry to ramble n trauma dump but its my blog and if ANYONE sees this and it helps them or convinces them to get work done while #they can then. idk. feels worth it to be vulnerable :'3 #EDIT: also like... if they'd forced me sure i'd be resentful #but ykw i am rn? even more resentful for the intense medical neglect that stemmed from 'well he doesn't want to so lets not make him' #most kids don't want to go to the doctor. maybe if they'd taken me regularily to a fucking doctor i'd have more answers for what's wrong wm #like... god i'd have hated braces then bc ofc i would i was a kid #but i hate even more now knowing just how fucking NEGLECTED i was as a kid bc they let me make my own choices by going the hands off approa #iunno. anyways. nah on that aita. you're allowed to be upset and resent him for it but GOD he is not an asshole for caring about you #'your body your choice' does not apply here at all. i'm so sorry to tell u this. fdkgfdhgkjdgd #EDIT 2: didn't even MENTION the fact i have dehibilitating chronic migraines and headache that i suspect are directly tied to my poor denta #health!! LIKE. AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR THE ENTIRE DAY #SOMETIMES (OFTEN) MUTLIPLE TIMES A WEEK. #i only JST NOW got access to medicatio to help w it and i CAN'T. SWALLOW. THE MEDICATION THAT PREVENTS THE MIGRAINE FROM GETTING WORSE #I CAN ONLY SWALLOW THE DAILY MED... BC ITS _SO FUCKING TINY_. #aahghghfgdfhgdfjd -puts face in hands-

[caterpillarinacave]

Wouldn’t it be great if rich men just didn’t create systems with the sole purpose of oppressing women?

#I get to look up a bunch of articles about women’s rights in regards to pregnancy; specifically articles regarding the horrible things that #so goodbye faith in humanity I guess #If anyone instantly thinks of instances like this I would love it if you’d link me it #Will it be easy to find all the instances of women dying brutally because they weren’t allowed an abortion? #Or statistics about how many children live in poverty are abused and neglected because their unprepared mothers were forced to carry them #And the system doesn’t care in the slightest once they exit the womb #How many women have died trying to preform their own abortion because they don’t want to bring a child that can’t take care of into the wor #Will it take thirty seconds to find the horrific things little girls teenagers and women are being put through? #Yes. #it will be incredibly easy #And that’s the whole problem #Vile old men who like to control poor people! #Will I get through this without several brakes to angry cry? Nope. #but if all y’all think I’m sugar coating this thing to make men feel better you’re off your rocker