#thats. most of the recurring things in my dreams. my brain is tired and i interrupted myself doing Tasks for this.

[invisibleoctopus]

starting to think im a bard of void instead of being a knowledge class. i have the whole bardic crisis thing (oct 13 2013. sunday) the whole opposite aspect thing before that (Gifted Kid TM where part of my personality was bring smart. is very lightcore) and just how i seem to destroy everything i touch.

my aversion to lying and how terrible i am at it because its on a physical level in my body and i have to script it in advance (yes this is mostly autism) and not liking to keep secrets and being a blabbermouth. destroying void.

destroyed by void. getting FADED with weed. self isolation and most of my time being spent gaming or on the computer/phone. my awful terrible recurring dreams (dreams are void) that i have a fucking tag for. but the horrors have become almost mundane with how repetitive they are in my dreams and thats why i dont call them nightmares

#le p2iigh #the 'this classpect perfectly describes all my flaws' type of classpecter #no but my dreams are always like. im in school and i dont know why they wont let me drop out. #dont know if its college or What. but sometimes my former therapist is there. the one i had a crush on. #thats a thing i have with male mentor/teacher figures because of a Very Specifc Reason #other things that are always in my dreams. my dorm on the 3rd floor im always trying to figure out what clothes to wear whats clean #packing so i can go to the house that im living at that is specifically not home. wondering when i can go home to check on the cats #wondering why home looks so different its almost unrecognizable. my uncle is there. always. mom always has something Wrong with her #things being on fire near wherever im staying like next door across the street. most recently like the whole neighborhood. #not beating the doom player allegations with these descriptions. #heres more void coded things abt the dreams. being in/around bodies of water. theres one particular river i go to a lot its past some woods #the woods area separates the river and i walk upstream until i come across the widest part and the initial fork #theres always various Creatures in the water that im scared of. #this happens whenever im on the coast and in the ocean too. except sometimes theres stuff that wants to eat me #and thats not counting the kinnie dreams. either its ocean stuff that reminds me of being link. #or its like. i guess side order levels or something. and also more cursed than usual salmon run. on cursed stages. eels chasing me #(obvoiusly the agent 8 kinnie dreams) #my real life anxieties about the cat litter and taking a shower meaning i dream about having to do those things. #trying to find a place to lie down and sleep that feels comfortable for me but its impossible #thats. most of the recurring things in my dreams. my brain is tired and i interrupted myself doing Tasks for this. #i didnt expect to ramble about the recurring nature of all of these dream things. and obviously the tag is going here #adventures in losap #< the dream tag

[dreambook06]

Dream from: July 20, 2017

last night’s dream (don’t read. it makes NO sense)

all week, for the last 5-6 days, every night, i have had amazing, unique, wonderful, crazy, indescribably bizarre yet sensical dreams , but i no longer remember any of them except the one last night, whichi will also soon forget unless i write it down but i’m lazy & demotivated because what’s the point, i already lost so many great dreams to the abyss, it’s so inconsistent, why perserve this one & not the other, even better, ones? but i’ll breiefly cover it anyway. also there’s no way to convey the way it actually looked and felt when immersed in dream mode w/ dream-mode logic & physics & reality & stuff …. but whatever also it’s soo vague already, i feel like i know it but once i try to type it up, i cant seem to explain… just like vague childhood memories… U.G.H.!

last night’s dream (don’t read. it makes NO sense)

all week, for the last 5-6 days, every night, i have had amazing, unique, wonderful, crazy, indescribably bizarre yet sensical dreams , but i no longer remember any of them except the one last night, whichi will also soon forget unless i write it down but i’m lazy & demotivated because what’s the point, i already lost so many great dreams to the abyss, it’s so inconsistent, why perserve this one & not the other, even better, ones? but i’ll breiefly cover it anyway. also there’s no way to convey the way it actually looked and felt when immersed in dream mode w/ dream-mode logic & physics & reality & stuff …. but whatever also it’s soo vague already, i feel like i know it but once i try to type it up, i cant seem to explain… just like vague childhood memories… U.G.H.!

ookk…etc.etc….tons of stuff happened before what im about to write, a whole huge story & plot & events that occurred… so many worlds & things…-  then it’s for some reason it’s nightwish apparently & “i’m” on a stage w/ little podiums 6+ people are standing on & were backup singers i guess? or something? for some rrason im holding a red liquid in a wine-glass-looking cup & smeone else has a bottle or something wth… & spilling it? or we’re taking an occasional sip both of us. the person is dressed in black like tarja’s performance clothes circa 1998… for some reason i remember looking at her black shoes & told myself to remember it or something about it? what. GOD thre’s so much more to this story u cent even comprehend!!! neighter can i lol i just know it was all there qhen i woke up now it’s like erased from my brain, all thst remains it the knowledge that somethin was once there, the pieces to the story that have disappeared. only fragments remain… GOD. it was like a whole freakng amazing movie! gone forever. dreams ae so unfair!! write them down right away, thats the lesson, no matter how tired you are. ike i guarantee if i’d written down all my dreams from this week, i’d still be able to remember what they were about instantly & itd be crystal clear, just like all my old dreams i learly remembeered enoguh to write down. i still rememeber and feel them in my mind. all it takes is direct reminders to spark them! without any, its lost forever. very frustrating. ~anyway, etc etc. i guess we were like perfornaming a nw song… for some reason this feels like it had recurring things from older dreams within this dream, idk,… scenes, charachters, thoughts,, ~~tons of etc..

later later later…… for whatever reason , tarja was unable to sing at their next performance gig thing.. sick or something. so they (tuomas &the band) held auditions …(anyway odd bc i guess it took place modern day yet tarja was still w/ the band… shh dream logic… - well then i actually reasoned w/ that during the dream & then apparently the year changed to 1998 or 1999. lol. and she did look like early tarja for the most part, although i think she in some scenes of the dream looked like ca. 2008 tarja winter storm shtuff lol) um so the band , tuomas, held auditions trying to find a tarja lookalike to be on stage for their performance… & they found this girl who was perfect, looked like a slightly off version of 1998 tarja, big cheeks, same bone structure, same hairstyle, height, etc. but slightly off… in some ways even better looking though lol. odd. unexplaianble… uinexaplantable.. hard to rmemeber how exactly se looked… just a slightyl off tarja i guess but idkk she looked really aamzing like i was jealous lol. yea i was in the crowd… OH YEA i rmemeber ok. so it conveniently ..they happened to be playing in some kind of audotorium thing kinda looked like the theatre at the college in town..iguess… so but for some reason i was already staying there or sleeping there for . some. reason. so i was just there when they came on ..or people in school happened to be there… when they were performaning, like it was a night of many concerts or shows or stuff & nw just happened t be in the lineup & people went there for the other shows. we had to be there for school but it wasnt like real life school or people except slightly real version of haley… but not…  so this tarja replacement wasnt actually singing (not good or too nervous or something i guess) they had the real audio playing & she lip synced … but then the near end of the song tuomas motioned for her handed herthe microphone & she was to sing the last 2 words of the song…& you could see the nervous anticipation of that time approaching in her, i felt her nervousness. it wasnt really a real song i think.. non exstent dream version… or a mix of their songs my mind made up… possibly an off-version of dead to the world & the last thing she had to say was “we’re…dead to the world”…………………………

but it ws a seemingly neverending long show & people (akak my “classmates”) didnt know what nw was they just happened to be there & mindlessly listened along or talked amonf themseles during the performance… they just accepted it… but i was actuslly there bc i loveeed nightwish!  ….tons more happened. ….. soemething to do w/ the replacement tarja…etc. ….tons of other scenes to indescribable… somehow we/i  (who’s ‘we’? tons of other people characters in the sdream story) became freidns w/ the real tarja & met her backstage and stuff & were like really good friends  (i guess i for some reason looked like young tarja too and at this time tarja looked more like her older self while i looke like the replacememt tarja they had on stage before) –like the story just shifted s o i was in tarja #2’s place & they ended up keeping me along because of the uncanny resempblance & it was so cool & i becmae part of their band/friend circle!! ahh so fun being a tajra lookalike lol…… etc.e.t.c..et.d..c.e.t.c.e.tc..e.tc..et.c..e…..c……… ~~ so oooo much more something to do w/ old town down buildings…. backyard… digging up dirt… buried stuff in the yard…… some kind of tarja related jacket or …wig? lol…. & inside it was 2 concert tickets to see nw band…. lol… buried in the backyard….. & “dad“ found it (not really rl dad) and got mad or idk he thought mom was part of it some big coverup like it was her tickets w/ some assumed guy she’s cheating on him w/ but i was like noo they’re my tickets!! i just hid them b ecause i dont like people knowing about my interests like nightwish!! (lol) baahahahaha sooo much more GODDDDD then i woke up. i want to implant a fraking dream. recorder. into my brain & reocrd what i see/sense/percieve while dreaming!!! GAH>HHHFDD…s o overallll…weird. i havent even thought about nw recently. i was obsessed w/ the old nw & young tarja turunen when i was 14. maybe it’s soemting to do w/ listening to dead to the world recently & seeing this video somehow. & my associations & mind warped it & made some whole dream amazign thing out of it & other minor aspects of thought & recent events. (and omg this made me start thinkign about how rare and amazing it was that nightwish was even born… like all the right circumstances… the people, tarja, got together & their talents created a masterpiece - their first 3-4 albums. it was this amazing dream come true… & of course… all good things come to an  end :’() - the digging part maybe due to the agt judge cuts 1 where the guy is buried… but for some reason, just, whenever i wake up from a dream, i immediately seem to feel to content & motivated & refreshed & inspired & have a pleasant outlook on life. it’s so nice, it ususally goes away quickly but it’s so nice while it lasts & while i briefly go over the events of the dream. no matter the subject of the dream or how unrelated to my real life it was, it always makes me feel good & happy &  makes me want to do something, idk what, but something? it just gives me this weird motivated rush .

#2017