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vyl3tpwny · 2 years

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ANTONYMPH (and the things that made it)

art by @voreburger

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It has been one year since I released Antonymph. This song seriously changed my life and, it would seem, the lives of many others. I am grateful for the apparent impact it has had on people and I'm hopeful that the reach of its message will continue to spread.

I wanted to talk about how we got here.

Between the months of November 2020 and July of 2021, I experienced a gauntlet of emotional trauma, hardship, and declining physical & mental health. These things came after being newly out as trans, kicked out of my home by my family, transitioning from being a college student to a totally independent adult within the span of a month or two, moving away from my home of 21 years to somewhere I've never been before, and then trying to balance all this with the onset of COVID around the world. In January of 2021, all of these things adding up and weighing on me led me into this rabbit hole of thoughts about my life in the past, present, and future. Namely, though, I thought about my home in San Francisco, where I was far away now. I thought about the memories and things that made me who I was up until that point, especially the bad stuff. The whole project of CUTIEMARKS was an analysis of my life's mental struggles throughout my childhood and budding adulthood, examined through the characters of MLP:FiM.

And you know, it wasn't all everyone and everything else. Growing up, I had felt inclined to be a lot of negative forces myself. To be honest, I'm not precisely sure where it came from, and though I'm glad I grew from it, I still used to be that way. When considering a lot of the things of my past I encountered two things that would eventually become the hallmark reasons for creating Antonymph:

I was a dick to people. In so many ways, I was just an asshole for a lot of my life. I still kind of am sometimes, but I think everyone is. I really mean I was a cunt. This overinflated ego, this desire to shut people down for what they liked, this idea that I was always right and I know best about everything. I acted on this a lot and hurt a lot of people, even my closest friends (many of whom are still around me today, and I'm endlessly thankful they stuck with me through my worst).

I was also made to feel the same way, both directly and indirectly. I talked a lot about how it felt like there was pressure from the people closest to me to only like certain things and other things are not good enough to be enjoyed. This comes especially in the case of music, where it felt like there was a lot of disdain around me for pop and non-traditional music. This extended to all types of media though. I wouldn't have been caught dead being perceived as enjoying something like My Little Pony for a while.

So conceptually speaking, my desire to write something like Antonymph came as a rebellion against these things; against the ways I treated people and the ways I was treated.

At this point of my life, I had also recognized this sort of perpetual depression and negativity that pervaded me at all times. Any type of positive emotion would either be subdued or otherwise disappear within moments. It felt like I couldn't love things and I was always just clenching my shoulders preparing for things to hurt all the time.

So, back to January 2021. Sophie Xeon, a musician who I looked up to and felt comfort in, has just died. Very few celebrity deaths have ever affected me, but this one was very personal and intense. I remember going to bed shaking and feeling sick. It was an uneasiness I'll always be able to picture vividly in my head. In the spirit of her unabashed creativity and love for everything, I started conceptualizing a project that would be as bold as I felt she was.

The first, and only, title for this project was "CUTIEMARKS (and the things that bind us)".

A deep dive into SOPHIE's work and her peers' work led me to examine the inspirations for PC Music. From there I rediscovered my love for the dancepop of the late 2000's and early 2010's. Carly Rae Jepson, Kesha, Katy Perry, etc. Around the time I started really using the internet, I secretly loved this music even though it felt like I was going against everything I was supposed to stand for at the time. I grew up in a cishet, Christian, potentially elitist music space. Things that evoked anything other than that induced guilt to enjoy. But I very, very, secretly, quietly, loved that stuff.

So I decided to make some synth patches that evoked those feelings

That's what led to this:

Once this demo was made, the path became rather clear for what I wanted to do. Around the time of the songs that inspired it, I was getting really into Tumblr and all the glittery, kitschy parts of the internet. I had been talking a lot with @voreburger (Pico) at the time of this and had a feeling he would be super into the idea. It started out as just wanting to have Fluttershy coming out of her shell with the help of internet culture. It was after pitching this idea to Pico that he sent me back a rough draft:

The idea was really coming together it seemed. What really drove it was his use of the Gir hoodie, really solidifying the internet time period(s) we were after. The Nintendo DS, the browser extension toolbars, and all that; he was onto something incredible.

By the second draft, I still only had "Antonymph (demo1)" made on my end. Taking inspiration from the art he was doing, I started writing lyrics and programming some drums:

After I had these additions to ground the idea, I started getting more ideas for the art direction of the song.

By this point I want people to understand how much Pico was instrumental to the conceptualizing and execution of this whole project. We bounced so many ideas off of each other and worked to string everything together. It wasn't a case of me commissioning him for a few things and calling it a day, it really wouldn't exist the way it does without him.

In order to test chroma key stuff, he sent this icon that he made.

It was here that I realized that Antonymph could be something bigger. There was now a few pieces of "Fluttershy in a gir onesie" that could be used for a semi-animated music video. I said to Pico the words "we'll create an entire culture around one song". That was essentially the manifesto, how deep I wanted this whole thing to go.

So I got to work. (This also appears to be the first mention of "Fluttgirshy" in our DM's)

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I ran the lyrics by Pico in a group chat and we talked about the lyrical direction of the song. After coming up with some stuff together we ended up with demo3:

Between March, 2021 - May, 2021, I took time off from the Antonymph studio sessions for a few reasons:

The visual aspect of the project was now in full effect. I was messaging many of my favourite mutual artists and pitching Antonymph to them and explaining what I needed.

Focusing otherwise on lyrics.

I was working on the other CUTIEMARKS songs, now that the album was no longer a small EP project (which it was originally intended to be, as it always ends up with my music).

It was intimidating to work on Antonymph. It was very clear by this point that it was going to be a big project and a big song, likely to be heard by a lot of people. We all expected this from the start, though it ended up being even more than we imagined. Still, knowing this made it harder to work on the song because the pressure was really on.

Now at this point, many other concepts have been injected into the idea of Antonymph too:

Queerness needed to be a big part of this. Making a song about self acceptance and expression had to entail queerness (like many other aspects of CUTIEMARKS, anyway).

I wanted to help heal my homesickness a little bit, so the music video would start to include video clips that I took in California (most notably, the intro of the music video shows my BART route from San Francisco to Daly City).

I wanted my friends to be a part of it in some way. I couldn't include everyone, but I did a lot to make sure that the people I cared most about would be included in this project, knowing it would be seen by lots of people. I wanted to bring them along for this whole thing. Lots of clips in the music video include videos of my friends, and I took lots of suggestions about the song from friends in servers and group chats.

As a spiritual sequel to "Lesbian Ponies With Weapons", I wanted the song to speak to a lot of the issues our generation is facing around the world especially in the wake of civil rights and economic inequity.

Between May 17, 2021 - May 27, 2021 there were two more Antonymph demos:

After demo4, I asked friends and patreon subscribers if they wanted to be included in the song by way of putting a group of everyone saying "hell yeah" in the second verse. demo5 is where this first is implemented, but all the voices wouldn't be included until the very final version of the song.

art by @sterfler / @uzon

Slowly but surely, everything came together. I worked endlessly on coordinating all the art stuff and doing the video editing and graphic design, until eventually:

It was done. February 24, 2021 - May 28, 2021.

I don't usually talk about finances, but I know for certain that the Antonymph project itself had costed well over $1.5k to make. This is disregarding everything else I had invested into the creation of the CUTIEMARKS album entirely, and is limited purely to Antonymph by itself. And as this project has helped to grow myself as a musician, I should be able to make more projects of this scope in the future.

A few days later, I premiered the trailer for it on June 4, 2021:

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And then of course, what followed was the music video itself.

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And just like that, it felt like I had taken my first breath of fresh air in a long time. I braced for the response to this, and what followed was extraordinary. Across social media, the #antonymph and #fluttgirshy tags were filling with people making fanart of the interpretation of Fluttershy that Pico and I, along with the many other incredible artists, spent many months getting just right. It all went to even inspire the parody project on SiIvaGunner's channel:

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Antonymph was born from the ashes of my trauma and memories, and was forged between me and a dedicated team of incredible visionaries to become this thing that a lot of people connect with now. If I was going to put out a project of this scope and reach, I wanted to make sure it was positive and inspiring, and had the potential to live past its release as something that would continue to influence people for the foreseeable future.

So, Antonymph feels like a HUGE explosion of colours and emotions. And that's because it is. Everything had mounted up to that point. Endless amounts of hardship and mistakes, culminating into something that would be unabashedly beautiful.

I am forever grateful.

Thank you so much. + Thank you so much to Pico for making this project one of the best ever.

Oh, and as an extra special thank you, the stems to ANTONYMPH are now freely available to everyone: https://we.tl/t-j7WJ9dQ6tT

art by @astroeden, made specially for the one year anniversary of Antonymph <3

#vylop #vyletpony #vylet pony #my little pony #mlp #fim #friendship is magic #fluttershy #fluttgirshy #antonymph #cutiemarks #Youtube

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logibones · 3 years

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https://logibones.com/2021/01/31/sophie-xeon-dead/ #sophieturner #sophie #sophiemartin #sophieparis #sophiechoudry #sophieparisindonesia #sophiedee #sophiemonk #sophielagirafe #sophiemartinparis #sophiehunter #sophiehatter #sophiemartinindonesia #SophieMarceau #sophiekinsella #sophiet #sophiehulme #sophieshohet #sophiemudd #sophiecookson #sophiereade #sophiethegiraffe #sophieparisbigsale #sophieredhead #sophielliebe #sophieschoice #SophieCalle #sophiedevereaux #sophielove #sophiepromo

#sophie xeon #sophie xeon quotes #sophie xeon dead

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astridht-exe · 3 years

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how sophie died is literally heart shattering... she just wanted to see the moon.

#rest in power sophie #astridht exe #original post #sophie #sophie xeon #2021 #transgender #trans #death tw #death cw #tw dead mention

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madphantom · 3 years

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Anyway, (platonic) Valduggery playlist

Boring - The Brobecks

A Face in the Crowd - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

The Night we met - Lord Huron

Automobile - Kaleo

The Run and Go - Twenty Øne Piløts

Bleed Magic - Idkhow

I'll be yours - Placebo

Silence - Marshmello

You are my Life - Michael Jackson

More than a Woman - The Bee Gees

All of my Life - Diana Ross

Mr Manic and Sister Cool - Shakatak

You're my best Friend - Queen

Adventure of a Lifetime - Coldplay

Queen of the Night - Hey Violet

Ambulance - My Chemical Romance

Nearly Witches - Panic! At the Disco

Nightcall - Kavinsky

Old Soul - Saint Motel

Thank you - Cavetown

Evergreen - Cavetown

I wouldn't mind - He is We

Your Power - Billie Eilish

Tear in my Heart - Twenty Øne Piløts

Smithereens - Twenty Øne Piløts

Who knew - P!nk

Just take my Wallet - Jack Stauber

Sad Song - We the Kings

I lost a Friend - Finneas

Until the End - Quietdrive

See you again - Wiz Khalifa

Wish you were here - Pink Floyd

Broken - Lifehouse

Home is such a lonely Place - Blink-182

Ruin my Life - Zara Larsson

Alright - Awfultune

Trade Mistakes - Panic! At the Disco

Forever yours - Nightwish

Cold is the Night - The Oh Hellos

Stay - Shakespears Sister

Bulletproof Heart - My Chemical Romance

Ain't no Mountain high enough - Diana Ross

Save yourself, I'll hold them back - My Chemical Romance

Smoke and Fire - KARRA

Save yourself - Kaleo

Die alone - Finneas

I won't last a Day without you - Paul Williams

The bitter End - Placebo

Skeleton Song - Kate Nash

A wistful Waltz - Teddy Hyde

Bury a Friend - Billie Eilish

Secrets - P!nk

No Future - Blink-182

Darling, get up - Awfultune

It's okay to cry - Sophie Xeon

Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift

The Scientist - Coldplay

Skyfall - Adele

I am Disaster - Mr Bruce

Lovely - Billie Eilish

Higher than Hope - Nightwish

It's alright - Jack Stauber

The bad List - Z Berg

Tightrope - The Greatest Showman

New Spirit - Michael Patrick Kelly

Demons - Imagine Dragons

Holding on to you - Twenty Øne Piløts

Death of a Hero - Alec Benjamin

Takes One to know One - Maria Mena

I have made Mistakes - The Oh Hellos

Million Reasons - Lady Gaga

Death is a Party, invite all your Friends - Palaye Royale

Graveyard - Halsey

Choke - Idkhow

Stand by you - Rachel Platten

Happyland - Måns Zelmerlöw

Clusterhug - The Brobecks

Bored to Death - Blink-182

I'm there - Hey Violet

What we do - Aexcit

Alpenglow - Nightwish

Killer - Phoebe Bridgers

Safe - Nico Santos

Kiss Goodnight - Idkhow

Dear Happy - Dodie

Me and Mrs Jones - Billy Paul

Sanctuary - Welshly Arms

Kiss with a Fist - Florence + The Machine

Collide - James Bay

You can put your Dukes down, Stringbean - Teddy Hyde

Hand over Hand - Roland Faunte

Everything I wanted - Billie Eilish

Truce - Twenty Øne Piløts

Perfect - Doria Roberts

Semi-automatic - Twenty Øne Piløts

Apocalypse - The Correspondents

This is War - 30 Seconds to Mars

Battlefield - SVRCINA

Walk on Water - 30 Seconds to Mars

Empty Chairs at empty Tables - Ramin Karimloo

The Light behind your Eyes - My Chemical Romance

Cigarette Daydreams - Cage the Elephant

Desert Song - My Chemical Romance

Time - Culture Club

Let's see what the Night can do - Jason Mraz

Astronomy - Conan Gray

Everything's alright - Laura Shigihara

Tonight is the Night I die - Palaye Royale

Eve White / Eve Black - Siouxsie and the Banshees

Dead! - My Chemical Romance

The Ghost of you - My Chemical Romance

Let it burn - RED

Bye bye Beautiful - Nightwish

Pompeii - Bastille

Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

Always - Panic! At the Disco

How to save a Life - The Fray

What did I do - The Correspondents

Car Radio - Twenty Øne Piløts

Ghost of you - 5 Seconds of Summer

Talking to the Moon - Bruno Mars

Silhouettes of you - Isaac Gracie

Through the Ghost - Shinedown

Hello - Evanescence

Say something - Christina Aguilera

Arms Tonite - Mother Mother

When the Party's over - Billie Eilish

Hold back the River - James Bay

City of the Dead - Eurielle

Don't stop dancing (Sarah Lynn version) - Bojack Horseman

7 Days to the Wolves - Nightwish

Mama - My Chemical Romance

Forever - Siouxsie and the Banshees

Words fail - Dear Evan Hansen

The only Hope for me is you alone - My Chemical Romance

As the World caves in - Matt Maltese

Don't walk away - Michael Jackson

One Day in your Life - Michael Jackson

Incomplete - James Bay

Happier - Marshmello

Big Girls don't cry - Fergie

Scars - James Bay

Piece of my Heart - Keri Noble

These Days - Rudimental

Dodged a Bullet - Greg Laswell

Hello - Adele

Black Dog - Arlo Parks

Dying in a hot Tub - Palaye Royale

Just Apathy - Tally Hall

An open Letter to a ruby-shoed Pixie - Teddy Hyde

Leave a Light on - Tom Walker

Ms Led - Jack Stauber

Cover this Song - Will Wood and the Tapeworms

Whatever happens - Michael Jackson

Hate me - Eurielle

I can't live with you - Queen

Heroes - David Bowie

The Kids from Yesterday - My Chemical Romance

You - Keaton Henson

A little messed up - June

Happier than ever - Billie Eilish

Hurt - Christina Aguilera

Old Friends - Jasmine Thompson

Change - Deftones

Are you still dying, Darling - Siouxsie and the Banshees

You're somebody else - Flora Cash

You'll be fine - Palaye Royale

The Red means I love you - Madds Buckley

Demolition Lovers - My Chemical Romance

Dear - Maria Mena

I can barely say - The Fray

Cellophane - FKA Twigs

I love you - Billie Eilish

If I'm to die - Keaton Henson

Be still - The Fray

King - Lauren Aquilina

Sparks fly - Hey Violet

Don't let me go - Cigarettes after Sex

Lay your Head down - Keren Ann

Only us - Dear Evan Hansen

You're still the One - Shania Twain

Ten Years - Dadi Freyr

100 bad Days - AJR

#personal post #skulduggery pleasant #valkyrie cain #valduggery #derek landy

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blairemclaren · 3 years

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Sophie Xeon Accident– Death

Sophie Xeon Death – Obituary | Accident : Dead-Death has learned the passing of 34 year-old Sophie Xeon who has died in an accident that occurred in Athens.

Sophie Xeon Death – Obituary | Accident : Dead-Death has learned the passing of 34 year-old Sophie Xeon who has died in an accident that occurred in Athens. Sophie Xeon was a Grammy-nominated Scottish disc jockey, producer and recording artist known as SOPHIE, she fall to death while watching the full moon. The friends and relations including the fans of the deceased have so far, taken to…

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straightnewsonlinecom · 3 years

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Grammy-nominated musician Sophie Xeon, 34, who worked with Madonna dies after 'sudden accident'

Grammy-nominated musician Sophie Xeon, 34, who worked with Madonna dies after ‘sudden accident’

Grammy-nominated ‘trans icon’ Sophie Xeon dead at 34: Scottish DJ who worked with Madonna and Charli XCX killed in ‘sudden accident’ The Scottish artist had worked with stars including Madonna and Charlie XCX Statement from transgender star’s team hailed her as a ‘pioneer of new sound’ By Harry Howard For Mailonline Published: 08:18 EST, 30 January 2021 | Updated: 08:18 EST, 30 January…

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madphantom · 3 years

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Some of the more interesting sources of songs on my MP3 player:

Recommended by a friend on YouTube who shortly after vanished without a trace and told me he was going to learn playing it for me (Kiss the Rain - Yiruma)

Played by a friend while we were stuck at a train station in the middle of nowhere in the pouring rain (Just take my Wallet - Jack Stauber)

Found the CD on sale and the cover reminded me of a fandom I was in (California - Blink-182)

Heard it while listening to the radio in the dead of the night because I couldn't sleep (Avalon - Roxy Music)

Saw it being mentioned in a Tumblr post and got interested because of the title (Death of an Interior Decorator - Death Cab for Cutie)

My dad gave me the CD because it reminded him of me (Electric Guitars - Prefab Sprout)

Found the title of the song scribbled on a public bathroom wall along with the message "Listen to it!" (Get you - Daniel Caesar)

Found it while googling art references (Gone wrong - Radio Decay)

Saw a gif from the music video on an aesthetic blog (Sleep on the Floor - The Lumineers)

Watched the movie in 720p on YouTube with headphones and skipping the NSFW scenes (Hot One - Velvet Goldmine)

Read an article about the singer's death (It's ok to cry - Sophie Xeon)

It was a central piece in a fanfiction I read (The Lark ascending - Ralph Vaughan Williams)

Got it on a flash drive playlist my friend gave me in quarantine to help me cheer up (20 Dollar Nosebleed - Fall Out Boy)

Heard an exclusive radio premiere while getting lost during a road trip through the alps and searched for it everywhere until it actually came out (Bicycle - Filous)

Saw the singer as a side character in my favourite movie and decided to check out what else he'd done musically (I love you - Jeffrey Comanor)

Heard the song playing on the radio while taking the bus to school (Leaving on a Jet Plane - John Denver)

Was initially looking for another song with the same title (Paris in the Rain - LAUV)

Read the book, looked up the movie, found the soundtrack (The Two of us - Mark Isham)

Read an interview about it in a music magazine (Sleeping with Ghosts - Placebo)

It was basically the anthem of my first real fandom (Until the End - Quietdrive)

My roomies played it all the time on our cheap speaker during a class trip (Cheap Thrills - Sia)

My classmates played it after a PE lesson while we all walked back to school in the dark (Kaputt wie ich - Tarek KIZ)

#personal post

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