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ecotone99 · 5 years

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Gods honest confession from a haunted house: stalked by what I find out recently to be called “shadowpeople”

I guess il summarize most of my more memorable experiences thus far. If you guys like I will post more. Excuse my punctuation and or typos.

About 12 years old I begin waking up on multiple occasions to my dad shaking me asking me very seriously if I was up right then and walking around of course I say no and become concerned,

alongside that my house is very strange we moved there when I was 4. It was built in the 70s and in Southern California inland empire We live in a culdasac where the house is on a acre surrounded by trees on a hillside, very creepy outside at night and in the house.

So my dad’s experiencing something I don’t know about yet. All the while my parents are going through a divorce. My dad moves out, I’m left with my mom and older sister, it’s hard to recall when things got weird cause strange and scary stuff always happened but I noticed when I had a new friend stay the night at around 13 yrs old and he up and left in the morning and didn’t wake me, come to find out he was being tormented by something standing in my doorway watching him as we slept in my room and he described the person to have a cloak and large hat and described them as one of those shadow people (never heard of at the time)He had asked me “someone was at your door watching us sleep that night did you know or see them?, was it your family?”

He was very creeped out and was kinda hard for me to take him serious with what he was saying.

So that was weird. All the while I’m the new man of the house my mom worked 2 jobs and I was homeschooled at this time so I had til late afternoon to myself and even when my mom was home I had free reign. Little things start happening like I’m in the living room and I hear cabinets and stuff opening in the kitchen once I go in the kitchen i hear my dog barking in the living room where I just was and this planter was knocked over, dirt scattered. Couldn’t explain it. More things like that happened.

Definitely I started to be aware of a presence. So fast forward, I sleep at the end of a hall that’s dark, I begin occasionally waking up to my door that was closed always, open and slight light pouring in and once I look I see a rather short silhouette and head peaking into my room around the corner of the threshold and I’m paralyzed with fear. I get up and pull my light string above my bed as fast as I can and my door is back shut, I’m sure I thought it was a dream, this happens about 5 more times and all the while I’m telling my mom about it and she never experienced a thing, doesn’t really believe me and doesn’t pay much mind other then telling me I’m having bad dreams.

Neither my sister too, she hasn’t experienced a thing. Then another time I wake up and see light pouring in through the cracks and underneath the door and I have sleep paralysis but I can see my door is shut still so no entity looking at me, except I see a black cloud misty type of thing seeping thru the top crack of my door and collecting, building and accumulating in the corner of the ceiling l, mind u it’s dark as f*** despite the foggy light behind the door in my room already and this things so black that you can see it in pitch black corners. I absolutely freak once I can move and run into my moms room I’m about 14 and was so scared I had to sleep with her. We buy sage and bless the house and say a few prayers at that time after and things calm down for a while,

meanwhile my sister is in a church which I’m not into nor is my mom. Someone from her church without any prior knowledge tells her that a demon is tormenting her brother, this girl didn’t even know she had a sibling.

Years later I’m off to live with My dad at 17. We get to talking and he explains about those times he woke me up in a panic and said that he kept seeing the Shadow person that I was seeing, he described waking up to a open door and light pouring in with a short person blacker than black facing him and walking back and forth near the door way. And him being very frightened each time he’d get up and try and find whoever was in the house and usually wake me up to see if it was me. I remember these times being woken up by my dad in a panic him asking me “were you just up right now?!” He said that one time he had been trying to tell my mom what he had been seeing and she kinda just ignores him and says he’s crazy or he’s having a dream.

he wakes up one time and sees the shadow person at the door in the hallway. Paralyzed with fear he manages to wake my mom up by nudging her with his hand and he whispered “look it’s there,” and my dog is growling on the edge of the bed, ( I’ve gotten stories from both sides my mom and dad of this incident and they match up) he’s seeing someone stand there with the door open but only sees a shadow and my dog probably does too, my moms telling him “I don’t see anything there’s nothing there!” She just sees the door shut and nothing but darkness no feeling or nothing but remembers the dog growling at the door.

I guess he called a demonologist and explained what was happening after a while and the guy had a name for it and everything but told my dad “you don’t see a large tall man at the foot of your bed with a cloak and or large hat? About 7 feet tall sometimes” My dad says “no only the short one outside the room” and he says” well what your describing is usually 1 of a pair of demons. And there’s usually a tall man with a strange hat“ And has my dad absolutely shook.

So the next couple nights at some point it happens again sees the small guy in the hallway and he takes a second look to his left and sees what he described as a 7 foot tall black abyss of a man standing at the foot of his bed and he’s wearing a very abnormally tall top hat and has a cloak on or a trench coat just standing there. I’m not exactly sure what happened after that he told me this story some years ago,

but that shook me to my core hearing that cause obviously those times where I was experiencing things in the night if I had taken a second look I might have saw him too instead of just the short one in the doorway. And it was sort of what my friend had described when I was a kid and he stayed the night.

Fast forward

So I move in with a gf at 19, haven’t been to my moms in a while.

She gets pregnant we get a small apartment. And things are ok for the most part.

After years of reminiscing about this shadow. Person, my son is 3 now,

I have a 1 bedroom in downtown and I pulled the mattress in the living room for movie night in the living room and we fell asleep In there

my gf left for her job at 1am I believe and I am with my son in the living room and about 10 feet in front of the foot of my bed to the left is the doorway to my bedroom,

I wake up around 3am regularly at this point also and always creeps me out. This time I wake up and i see light pouring in from my bedroom and a short shadow and or person looking at me from around the corner of the door threshold in my bedroom I’m instantly shocked with fear but I manage to sit up and I’m rubbing my eyes looking back at it over and over and wondering why it’s not going away when I rub my eyes thinking this can’t be happening! “No way am I seeing this” Then my son sits up with tired eyes and says “dad make go away” while pointing in that direction, (baby talk but he meant to say dad make him go away obviously) I’m absolutely shook to my core that I’m seeing this not believing my eyes then my child confirms it that yup I’m seeing this fucking thing again! As soon as respond tho and comfort my child it’s gone,

I tell my gf and she’s scared as well and knows of the history of my paranormal encounters and everything but things move forward

We let the lease run out on that apartment last year and weren’t ready to move, so we move with the in laws, we don’t get along well and never did so I move with my mom and come back to work near my family home, while my gf stays at her parents with the kid for their help (moved back in my moms 3 months ago) I’m 24 now, haven’t been here in 7 years almost and as soon as I’m back I’m getting into listening to scary stories on YouTube and I’m hearing story’s of “shadow people, the hatman, the old hag,” this story is the only reason I’ve made a reddit account. Just to share my experience

So I’m here alone a lot again. It started with one night I came home it was only me and I am in my room with my door shut, I hear noises as if someone’s home but I know there is not. Noises like fridge opening and slamming shut rather hard, my creaky old cabinets opening and shutting, the microwave. Etc etc. so I get up expecting someone in the kitchen and nothing. This is about 2am.

I go back to bed and hear it again and now I’m shook I’m frozen in fear as I was as a teen when things happened, I hear footsteps all through the house it sounds like someone’s walking from one end of the house down to my room and back distinct person footstep sounds back and forth rather fast too like someone rushing around to leave for work or something I’m looking out my window at the driveway

expecting to see my moms husbands car like maybe it’s him but no, nothing. I’m scared as fuck I lay back down despite the noise and I’m being quiet whatever it is I don’t want it to know I’m here. I hear this thing walk straight up to my door as I hope it doesn’t in my head it was like it knew, I hear it rest some weight against my door like as if someone put their hand on the knob and pressed a ear against the door (it’s unlocked) I’m frozen in fear and hoping to god the door don’t open and I swear I telepathically could sense this thing was contemplating coming in and decided not to and walked away,

(this was more frightening then the time the black smoke poured in the door, more frightening then when my child saw it too) so next few night it’s a weekend my mom and her husband are gone each night and I’m a night owl I’m up usually unless I got work in the am. I’m hearing things regularly just like what I described. But with my bad relationship with my mom I didn’t wanna immediately move back in and then start telling her The house is haunted and have her think I’m on drugs. even though knowing what happened when I was a young teen.

I finally days later very subtle I bring up that I was hearing stuff in the house and in the living room and did they happen to as well recently and I had said Is there a ghost or something has this happened since I left? and she says absolutely not, never, and makes a joke about that it may be something following me.

No more then a night or two later i fall asleep with no recollection, (usually I have to turn my tv or phone off to go to sleep once I’m tired) so I know generally the time I fell asleep even. This time I remember laying down, on instagram on my phone wasting time don’t remember being tired, next thing I can remember is the following

Im dreaming but not aware of it so I’m terrified. I’m bound with hands behind my back and I’m in pain and I’m in a purgatory sort of environment with this large hatted TALL dense black of a shadow in the figure of a man standing in front of me and he’s explaining to me for the better part that he’s a demon (exact words I can’t recall well) and telling me other things of that sort and he has a bloody fleshy decapitated head in his hand that is a demon head and has horns and fangs and he makes me take a bite out of it and eat the flesh as I’m in agony,

by that time my subconcious says this is ridiculous and it’s a dream so I wake up but once I wake up my blinds to my window swinging around making a fuck ton of noise and they are right next to my I sleep under the window alongside the wall, and I know for a fact my window is shut my door is shut, there is no draft whatsoever,

I get up immediately and am trying to process the dream I was having and why it sounded like someone jumped through my window with the blinds shut and the window shut. I am up now trying to recreate it and I open my window even and my door and the window in the room of which my door is in and try to create a draft as such to make my blinds move all crazy and make noise, not even with my window open could I get them to move.

And when I say moving they were making so much noise and swinging around like I said as if something had went crashing into them without breaking my window, I know for a fact my window was shut. I just can’t explain why they moved, I don’t have a ceiling fan nor any other fan it gets pretty stagnant as far as air there’s no draft where I’m at in the house and I just can’t explain it, NOT TO MENTION THE DREAM IM HAVING BEFORE THAT. That brings you up to speed to present day that was about 3 weeks ago.

submitted by /u/averagejoe4130 [link] [comments] source https://www.reddit.com/r/shortscarystories/comments/c7qhh7/gods_honest_confession_from_a_haunted_house/ via Blogger https://ift.tt/2KPLMBL

#Blogger #Story

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captain-cutie-pie-sfw · 5 years

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All about me:

200: My crush’s name is: panda

199: I was born in: 1997

198: I am really: uhhh Tina belcher tbh

197: My cellphone company is: straight talk

196: My eye color is: green

195: My shoe size is: 12 w 10 m

194: My ring size is: 13

193: My height is: 5’6

192: I am allergic to: pollen and dust mites

191: My 1st car was: never had one

190: My 1st job was: never had one

189: Last book you read: the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur

188: My bed is: comfy

187: My pet: is crazy lol

186: My best friend: I wish I could make her love herself

185: My favorite shampoo is: vo5 strawberry

184: Xbox or ps4: Xbox

183: Piggy banks are: cute

182: In my pockets: I never have pockets #leggingslife

181: On my calendar: I can’t wait for Easter!

180: Marriage is: a good way for two people to prove to each other how much they love each other

179: Spongebob can: gtfo (I don’t like spongebob)

178: My mom: is currently cleaning the kitchen while I lay down because I don’t feel well

177: The last three songs I bought were?

1) Halsey - without me

2) yungblud- California

3) blackpink - stay

176: Last YouTube video watched: one by little moo moo (her vids are adorable!)

175: How many cousins do you have? Uhhh idk I am part Portuguese and part white and the Portuguese part has a lot of family, and it’s a tight knit family because family and elders are very important to us. The white side is really trashy and I have cousins I’ve never even heard of

174: Do you have any siblings? One brother (he’s 13)

173: Are your parents divorced? Yes

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yeah by like 4 inches

171: Do you play an instrument? I sing

170: What did you do yesterday? Drank by the pool at the water resort in Orlando

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: yes because it happened to me

168: Luck: no

167: Fate: yes but like... I try not to think about it too much because it stresses me out

166: Yourself: not really tbh

165: Aliens: anything is possible

164: Heaven: yes

163: Hell: maybe? I don’t want to think about that either

162: God: yes

161: Horoscopes: yes

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: yes I’ve seen one

158: Gay Marriage: well I’m getting one...

157: War: no

156: Orbs: yes I’ve seen them

155: Magic: on the fence

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: kisses

152: Phone or Online: phone online. Online on my phone

151: Red heads or Black haired: red heads

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes

149: Hot or cold: warm but not too warm

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: we do not have these in florida

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: oranges

143: Curly or Straight hair: curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: I actually like dark chocolate better

140: Mac or PC: pc

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops (I’m a size 12. I hardly ever see anything else in my size)

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m already sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: they’re... the same thing

136: Hillary or Obama: hillbama

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so my family can keep my remains

134: Singing or Dancing: singing

133: Coach or Chanel: idk what this is

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:idk who this is

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: wal mart

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither but my gf likes Adam sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: east

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

124: Disney or Six Flags: disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red Sox

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: needs to stop

121: George Bush: uhhh idiot

120: Gay Marriage: I’m excited for mine

119: The presidential election: 2016? It was the first time I voted and I cried because of the stress

118: Abortion: not my body, not my choice

117: MySpace: I liked how customizable it was and I miss that.

116: Reality TV: guilty pleasure

115: Parents: I love my mom so much

113: Ebay: not as good as amazon

112: Facebook: I need to stop going on it so much!

111: Work: I want to be an elementary school teacher

110: My Neighbors: they’re all very nice!

109: Gas Prices: too damn high!

108: Designer Clothes: look, I’ve got a $10 hoodie from wal mart. I’m good.

107: College: I think it’ll be fun if I ever get my GED

106: Sports: the only one I really get is baseball

105: My family: they’re crazy but I love them

104: The future: uncertain

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone:q I tried to hug my brother this morning and he screamed and called me weird

102: Last time you ate: a few hours ago

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: two days ago (my cousin mike, who works for apple)

100: Cried in front of someone: last week

99: Went to a movie theater: it’s been a while

98: Took a vacation: just got back from one today!

97: Swam in a pool: a few years. I’ve had other things to deal with that get in the way of fun

96: Changed a diaper: not since my brother was like 1. Which was 12 yrs ago. I would sometimes offer to do it so my mom taught me how.

95: Got my nails done: never? I do them myself

94: Went to a wedding: my cousin Jen’s wedding. It was lovely.

93: Broke a bone: never

92: Got a peircing: uhh I was 11 and it was the cartilage on my right ear

91: Broke the law: I shoplift all the time

90: Texted: hour ago

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: my brother

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my blankets

87: The last movie I saw: instant family (it was cute!)

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: taking a nap

84: People call me: when they have something funny to tell me

83: The most difficult thing to do is: admit you’re wrong

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never. I don’t drive.

81: My zodiac sign is: virgo

80: The first person i talked to today was: my mom

79: First time you had a crush: I was a boy crazy kid so I can’t remember. Maybe kindergarten?

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my best friend

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my brother and I say the same thing in unison a lot. He says it’s because stupid minds think alike. I think he’s right.

76: Right now I am talking to: nobody but I wish I was talking to my gf

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:be a teacher

74: I have/will get a job: hopefully

73: Tomorrow: I hope my annoying friend doesn’t call me. Like I don’t like talking to people just text me

72: Today: I’m tired

71: Next Summer: I hope to have fun!

70: Next Weekend: I’m going to church

69: I have these pets: a cat, a dog (he lives w my grandparents), and a bunny

68: The worst sound in the world: overcrowded places with all the people talking at once

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself

66: People that make you happy: nova

65: Last time I cried: last night

64: My friends are: cool as heck

63: My computer is: stolen by my brother because he was on it and he broke it but when he fixed it he made it run an OS I can’t use so I guess it’s his now.

62: My School: eckerd college hopefully

61: My Car: nonexistent

60: I lose all respect for people who: are mean to kids, animals, or old people

59: The movie I cried at was: les miserables

58: Your hair color is: brown but I dyed it purple

57: TV shows you watch: too many

56: Favorite web site: dress up games

55: Your dream vacation: new york

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: one time I busted my toe open but I didn’t like cry or anything

53: How do you like your steak cooked: no steak for me

52: My room is: messy

51: My favorite celebrity is: a queen by the name of Demi Lovato

50: Where would you like to be: in bed but my bed is messy

49: Do you want children: maybe

48: Ever been in love: yes

47: Who’s your best friend: I have two

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: when I help someone. Like yesterday I was at an arcade and I helped a little kid with skee ball and she got so excited when she got a good score

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my gf

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: yeah but I think it might take longer

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: yes. Lilliann Alice and Rowan Grace

40: Last person I got mad at: my mom

39: I would like to move to: st Pete, Florida

38: I wish I was a professional: singer

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: sour patch kids

36: Vehicle: 67 impala tbh

35: President: Bernie Sanders (shhh I can dream)

34: State visited: mass. Fall River is cool because Lizzie Borden

32: Athlete: Sara Groenewegen, a t1d softball player

31: Actor: David tennant

30: Actress: Gillian anderson

29: Singer: Demi Lovato

28: Band: halestorm

27: Clothing store: Walmart

26: Grocery store:walmart

25: TV show: Star trek ent

24: Movie: men in black 1

22: Animal: turtles

21: Theme park: Busch gardens

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: basketball

18: Sport to play: lmao no

17: Magazine: revolver

16: Book: Neil gaiman- neverwhere

15: Day of the week: Saturday’s

14: Beach: coquina

13: Concert attended: I’ve never attended a concert

12: Thing to cook: stir fry

11: Food: asian

10: Restaurant: checkers

9: Radio station: classic rock

8: Yankee candle scent: all of them

7: Perfume: dark kiss by babw

6: Flower: gardenias

5: Color: purple or yellow

4: Talk show host: none

3: Comedian: John mulaney

2: Dog breed: mine

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes

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ongames · 7 years

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49 Tweets That Sum Up Easter For Parents

Easter is less than a week away, and parents are gearing up for egg hunts, creepy bunny photos and serious sugar highs.

As with any holiday, having kids makes Easter extra chaotic ... and extra hilarious too. We scoured Twitter and found 49 funny tweets from parents about celebrating Easter.

Dad, the Easter Bunny should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my basket every year. Me: (eating a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2016

Just explained to my kids that sometimes an evil bunny comes and eats kids' Easter candy on the night of Easter.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 28, 2016

I forgot to buy Easter eggs for the hunt this morning so I told my kids that this year the bunny hid them REALLY well.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 5, 2015

My kids can find 75K plastic eggs hidden outside, but they can't pick up one Lego in the middle of the walkway. #Easter

— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) March 27, 2016

Step 1: Paint Jesus on an Easter Egg. Step 2: Hide the Easter Egg. Step 3: Yell, "You need to find Jesus!" At all the little children.

— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) March 27, 2016

It's 10:30 at night. Should I tell my kids to give up on the Easter egg hunt or just let them keep looking?

— Darin Loves Bacon (@darinlovesbacon) March 28, 2016

Based on all of the practice my daughters get looking for shoes, Easter eggs don't stand a chance this year.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 27, 2015

Easter tip: Tell your kids you hid an egg with $50 in it in the backyard but you don't remember where. Enjoy a quiet day indoors.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 24, 2017

Shoutout to all the parents who wrestled their screaming toddlers into Brunch clothes this #Easter.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) March 27, 2016

This is my family after our Easter brunch. I share it b/c NO ONE ASKED THE EASTER BUNNY TO POSE WITH US http://pic.twitter.com/OEFYDmgqag

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 5, 2015

Kids really do make the holidays magical and bright. Like, take Easter for example. Did you know vomit comes in pastels, too?

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 27, 2016

For real Easter dinner fun, serve rabbit to the kids' table.

— Once Meh, Always Meh (@TheAlexNevil) March 27, 2016

My 8 year old said that he hopes the Easter Egg Hunt is more of a challenge this year so I'm buying a bunch of mouse traps.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 17, 2016

The Easter baskets are down to just robin eggs and black jelly beans. This is my official cry for help.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 1, 2016

Please let that be chocolate. Please let that be chocolate. Please let that be chocolate. - Every parent on Easter

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) March 27, 2016

Still waiting for this toddler to find the Easter Eggs that are literally sitting in the grass right in front of them.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 29, 2016

My kid started using air quotes when saying "Easter Bunny," so I started using air quotes when talking about his "Easter candy."

— qwertygirl (@qwertygirl) April 4, 2015

*8 year old walks into kitchen* "Daddy, I have some questions about the Easter bunny." *wife walks into kitchen* *I cartwheel out*

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 29, 2016

Parenting Tip: Strip down to your skivvies before stealing your kid's easter candy so you can pretend to be sleepwalking if you get caught.

— HammBone (@hammbone84) April 6, 2016

Toddler found two and a half eggs at the Easter egg hunt. Yeah, HALF. No one was messing around during that thing.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 27, 2016

Hey, everyone! Look how much Easter I'm having! *Posts all the obnoxious kid and bunny and Easter basket and egg hunt pictures*

— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) March 28, 2016

Do you think Easter is the number 1 holiday for child vehicular barfing?

— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) March 27, 2016

Easter: Hunt for eggs. Day After Easter: Can't go anywhere without seeing and stepping on plastic egg tops and bottoms.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 28, 2016

One fun part about Easter is how your kids spend the entire day getting jacked up on candy and then you remember it's a school night.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2016

We covered our backyard in candy-filled Easter eggs. My 1-year-old picked up zero eggs and one piece of dog poop. Money well spent.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2014

"He can't drink the Easter egg dye." Submitted By: Ashley http://pic.twitter.com/SsRvbqaA4k

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) March 28, 2016

When did "Easter crafts" become a thing? What happened to the good old days of putting an egg in all the dye colors & watching it turn ugly?

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) March 22, 2016

Serious question. When does the Easter Bunny come by to pick up all the kids he just loaded up with candy? #parenting

— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) March 28, 2016

FYI: Talking into a half-eaten hollow chocolate bunny makes your voice louder, in case anyone needs their Easter candy to be more obnoxious

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) March 30, 2016

My kids have figured out every hiding spot I have in this house, so I guess I have no choice but to finish this stash of Easter candy now.

— Ash (@cray_at_home_ma) March 29, 2016

How Easter candy is really made http://pic.twitter.com/EuEJpTSIUz

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) March 27, 2016

A cute and scientific thing I tell my kids is that the Easter Bunny's body would flop around for several minutes after decapitation.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 28, 2017

Pro Tip: Christmas lights can double as Easter lights if *you* leave them up long enough. *we*

— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 7, 2017

4 yr old son: "That Jesus guy came back from the dead and saw all these people? So then he's a zombie?"#Easter

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) March 27, 2016

5: here's the thing about chocolate: it's delicious. Me: is that it? 5: yes. Me: ok. 5: and I found an Easter egg from last year & ate it.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 2, 2017

Jesus died on the cross so you could put pictures of your kid's Easter basket on Facebook.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 5, 2015

I forgot to post a picture of my kids in their Easter clothes on Facebook yesterday and now DCFS is knocking on my door.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 21, 2014

*Morgan Freeman narrates "Alex thought he'd controlled his demons, but as soon as the Cadbury Easter Eggs went on display, it was all over."

— Once Meh, Always Meh (@TheAlexNevil) January 15, 2017

While we were sleeping, did Easter become Halloween Part 2/Mini-Christmas?? (Some of these baskets, man.)

— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) April 21, 2014

Celebrating Easter by being woke up at 5:15am and letting my kid her weight in chocolate before the sun comes up just like the Lord intended

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) March 27, 2016

[Wipes chocolate from face and brushes candy dust from lap.] I hate those cliche tweets about parents eating all their kids Easter candy.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) March 28, 2016

Hey Gals, don't forget to check Pinterest today for ideas on upcycling your Easter bonnet into an April Fool's Day chapeau.

— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) March 30, 2016

People who say “Hoppy Easter!” make me feel like Jesus isn’t risen.

— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) March 27, 2016

Real text to my husband: "Easter stuff is ready for the attic. But, please, whatever you do, keep the Christmas welcome mat outside okay?"

— Jenna Fischer (@jennafischer) April 13, 2016

Behind every photo of kids coloring eggs is a parent screaming and threatening to take away Easter.

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) March 27, 2016

My 8yo son asked for a smart phone for Easter. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Everything about that phrase is ridiculous.

— Lady E (@LadyEdotMe) March 6, 2017

The Easter Bunny doesn't talk, so here are the kids awkwardly looking at each other like, What do we do now? http://pic.twitter.com/iTMDTx2VWe

— Aaron Schmidt (@byaaronschmidt) March 26, 2016

What came first? The tantrum over leaving a giant basket of candy at home, or the egg hunt? #Easter

— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 27, 2016

Bummed Easter is over. Now which candy/gift bestowing mythological creature am I supposed to use to extort good behavior out of my children?

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) April 21, 2014

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

49 Tweets That Sum Up Easter For Parents published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

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yes-dal456 · 7 years

Text

49 Tweets That Sum Up Easter For Parents

Easter is less than a week away, and parents are gearing up for egg hunts, creepy bunny photos and serious sugar highs.

As with any holiday, having kids makes Easter extra chaotic ... and extra hilarious too. We scoured Twitter and found 49 funny tweets from parents about celebrating Easter.

Dad, the Easter Bunny should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my basket every year. Me: (eating a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2016

Just explained to my kids that sometimes an evil bunny comes and eats kids' Easter candy on the night of Easter.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 28, 2016

I forgot to buy Easter eggs for the hunt this morning so I told my kids that this year the bunny hid them REALLY well.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 5, 2015

My kids can find 75K plastic eggs hidden outside, but they can't pick up one Lego in the middle of the walkway. #Easter

— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) March 27, 2016

Step 1: Paint Jesus on an Easter Egg. Step 2: Hide the Easter Egg. Step 3: Yell, "You need to find Jesus!" At all the little children.

�� Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) March 27, 2016

It's 10:30 at night. Should I tell my kids to give up on the Easter egg hunt or just let them keep looking?

— Darin Loves Bacon (@darinlovesbacon) March 28, 2016

Based on all of the practice my daughters get looking for shoes, Easter eggs don't stand a chance this year.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 27, 2015

Easter tip: Tell your kids you hid an egg with $50 in it in the backyard but you don't remember where. Enjoy a quiet day indoors.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 24, 2017

Shoutout to all the parents who wrestled their screaming toddlers into Brunch clothes this #Easter.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) March 27, 2016

This is my family after our Easter brunch. I share it b/c NO ONE ASKED THE EASTER BUNNY TO POSE WITH US http://pic.twitter.com/OEFYDmgqag

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 5, 2015

Kids really do make the holidays magical and bright. Like, take Easter for example. Did you know vomit comes in pastels, too?

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 27, 2016

For real Easter dinner fun, serve rabbit to the kids' table.

— Once Meh, Always Meh (@TheAlexNevil) March 27, 2016

My 8 year old said that he hopes the Easter Egg Hunt is more of a challenge this year so I'm buying a bunch of mouse traps.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 17, 2016

The Easter baskets are down to just robin eggs and black jelly beans. This is my official cry for help.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 1, 2016

Please let that be chocolate. Please let that be chocolate. Please let that be chocolate. - Every parent on Easter

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) March 27, 2016

Still waiting for this toddler to find the Easter Eggs that are literally sitting in the grass right in front of them.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 29, 2016

My kid started using air quotes when saying "Easter Bunny," so I started using air quotes when talking about his "Easter candy."

— qwertygirl (@qwertygirl) April 4, 2015

*8 year old walks into kitchen* "Daddy, I have some questions about the Easter bunny." *wife walks into kitchen* *I cartwheel out*

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 29, 2016

Parenting Tip: Strip down to your skivvies before stealing your kid's easter candy so you can pretend to be sleepwalking if you get caught.

— HammBone (@hammbone84) April 6, 2016

Toddler found two and a half eggs at the Easter egg hunt. Yeah, HALF. No one was messing around during that thing.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 27, 2016

Hey, everyone! Look how much Easter I'm having! *Posts all the obnoxious kid and bunny and Easter basket and egg hunt pictures*

— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) March 28, 2016

Do you think Easter is the number 1 holiday for child vehicular barfing?

— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) March 27, 2016

Easter: Hunt for eggs. Day After Easter: Can't go anywhere without seeing and stepping on plastic egg tops and bottoms.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 28, 2016

One fun part about Easter is how your kids spend the entire day getting jacked up on candy and then you remember it's a school night.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2016

We covered our backyard in candy-filled Easter eggs. My 1-year-old picked up zero eggs and one piece of dog poop. Money well spent.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2014

"He can't drink the Easter egg dye." Submitted By: Ashley http://pic.twitter.com/SsRvbqaA4k

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) March 28, 2016

When did "Easter crafts" become a thing? What happened to the good old days of putting an egg in all the dye colors & watching it turn ugly?

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) March 22, 2016

Serious question. When does the Easter Bunny come by to pick up all the kids he just loaded up with candy? #parenting

— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) March 28, 2016

FYI: Talking into a half-eaten hollow chocolate bunny makes your voice louder, in case anyone needs their Easter candy to be more obnoxious

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) March 30, 2016

My kids have figured out every hiding spot I have in this house, so I guess I have no choice but to finish this stash of Easter candy now.

— Ash (@cray_at_home_ma) March 29, 2016

How Easter candy is really made http://pic.twitter.com/EuEJpTSIUz

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) March 27, 2016

A cute and scientific thing I tell my kids is that the Easter Bunny's body would flop around for several minutes after decapitation.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 28, 2017

Pro Tip: Christmas lights can double as Easter lights if *you* leave them up long enough. *we*

— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 7, 2017

4 yr old son: "That Jesus guy came back from the dead and saw all these people? So then he's a zombie?"#Easter

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) March 27, 2016

5: here's the thing about chocolate: it's delicious. Me: is that it? 5: yes. Me: ok. 5: and I found an Easter egg from last year & ate it.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 2, 2017

Jesus died on the cross so you could put pictures of your kid's Easter basket on Facebook.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 5, 2015

I forgot to post a picture of my kids in their Easter clothes on Facebook yesterday and now DCFS is knocking on my door.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 21, 2014

*Morgan Freeman narrates "Alex thought he'd controlled his demons, but as soon as the Cadbury Easter Eggs went on display, it was all over."

— Once Meh, Always Meh (@TheAlexNevil) January 15, 2017

While we were sleeping, did Easter become Halloween Part 2/Mini-Christmas?? (Some of these baskets, man.)

— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) April 21, 2014

Celebrating Easter by being woke up at 5:15am and letting my kid her weight in chocolate before the sun comes up just like the Lord intended

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) March 27, 2016

[Wipes chocolate from face and brushes candy dust from lap.] I hate those cliche tweets about parents eating all their kids Easter candy.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) March 28, 2016

Hey Gals, don't forget to check Pinterest today for ideas on upcycling your Easter bonnet into an April Fool's Day chapeau.

— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) March 30, 2016

People who say “Hoppy Easter!” make me feel like Jesus isn’t risen.

— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) March 27, 2016

Real text to my husband: "Easter stuff is ready for the attic. But, please, whatever you do, keep the Christmas welcome mat outside okay?"

— Jenna Fischer (@jennafischer) April 13, 2016

Behind every photo of kids coloring eggs is a parent screaming and threatening to take away Easter.

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) March 27, 2016

My 8yo son asked for a smart phone for Easter. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Everything about that phrase is ridiculous.

— Lady E (@LadyEdotMe) March 6, 2017

The Easter Bunny doesn't talk, so here are the kids awkwardly looking at each other like, What do we do now? http://pic.twitter.com/iTMDTx2VWe

— Aaron Schmidt (@byaaronschmidt) March 26, 2016

What came first? The tantrum over leaving a giant basket of candy at home, or the egg hunt? #Easter

— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 27, 2016

Bummed Easter is over. Now which candy/gift bestowing mythological creature am I supposed to use to extort good behavior out of my children?

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) April 21, 2014

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2orswP4 from Blogger http://ift.tt/2oYrcDP

#http://www.happiness2arab.tk/2017/04/49-tweets-that-sum-up-easter-for-parents.html

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imreviewblog · 7 years

Text

49 Tweets That Sum Up Easter For Parents

Easter is less than a week away, and parents are gearing up for egg hunts, creepy bunny photos and serious sugar highs.

As with any holiday, having kids makes Easter extra chaotic ... and extra hilarious too. We scoured Twitter and found 49 funny tweets from parents about celebrating Easter.

Dad, the Easter Bunny should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my basket every year. Me: (eating a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2016

Just explained to my kids that sometimes an evil bunny comes and eats kids' Easter candy on the night of Easter.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 28, 2016

I forgot to buy Easter eggs for the hunt this morning so I told my kids that this year the bunny hid them REALLY well.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 5, 2015

My kids can find 75K plastic eggs hidden outside, but they can't pick up one Lego in the middle of the walkway. #Easter

— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) March 27, 2016

Step 1: Paint Jesus on an Easter Egg. Step 2: Hide the Easter Egg. Step 3: Yell, "You need to find Jesus!" At all the little children.

— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) March 27, 2016

It's 10:30 at night. Should I tell my kids to give up on the Easter egg hunt or just let them keep looking?

— Darin Loves Bacon (@darinlovesbacon) March 28, 2016

Based on all of the practice my daughters get looking for shoes, Easter eggs don't stand a chance this year.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 27, 2015

Easter tip: Tell your kids you hid an egg with $50 in it in the backyard but you don't remember where. Enjoy a quiet day indoors.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 24, 2017

Shoutout to all the parents who wrestled their screaming toddlers into Brunch clothes this #Easter.

— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) March 27, 2016

This is my family after our Easter brunch. I share it b/c NO ONE ASKED THE EASTER BUNNY TO POSE WITH US http://pic.twitter.com/OEFYDmgqag

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 5, 2015

Kids really do make the holidays magical and bright. Like, take Easter for example. Did you know vomit comes in pastels, too?

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 27, 2016

For real Easter dinner fun, serve rabbit to the kids' table.

— Once Meh, Always Meh (@TheAlexNevil) March 27, 2016

My 8 year old said that he hopes the Easter Egg Hunt is more of a challenge this year so I'm buying a bunch of mouse traps.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 17, 2016

The Easter baskets are down to just robin eggs and black jelly beans. This is my official cry for help.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 1, 2016

Please let that be chocolate. Please let that be chocolate. Please let that be chocolate. - Every parent on Easter

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) March 27, 2016

Still waiting for this toddler to find the Easter Eggs that are literally sitting in the grass right in front of them.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 29, 2016

My kid started using air quotes when saying "Easter Bunny," so I started using air quotes when talking about his "Easter candy."

— qwertygirl (@qwertygirl) April 4, 2015

*8 year old walks into kitchen* "Daddy, I have some questions about the Easter bunny." *wife walks into kitchen* *I cartwheel out*

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 29, 2016

Parenting Tip: Strip down to your skivvies before stealing your kid's easter candy so you can pretend to be sleepwalking if you get caught.

— HammBone (@hammbone84) April 6, 2016

Toddler found two and a half eggs at the Easter egg hunt. Yeah, HALF. No one was messing around during that thing.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 27, 2016

Hey, everyone! Look how much Easter I'm having! *Posts all the obnoxious kid and bunny and Easter basket and egg hunt pictures*

— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) March 28, 2016

Do you think Easter is the number 1 holiday for child vehicular barfing?

— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) March 27, 2016

Easter: Hunt for eggs. Day After Easter: Can't go anywhere without seeing and stepping on plastic egg tops and bottoms.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 28, 2016

One fun part about Easter is how your kids spend the entire day getting jacked up on candy and then you remember it's a school night.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2016

We covered our backyard in candy-filled Easter eggs. My 1-year-old picked up zero eggs and one piece of dog poop. Money well spent.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2014

"He can't drink the Easter egg dye." Submitted By: Ashley http://pic.twitter.com/SsRvbqaA4k

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) March 28, 2016

When did "Easter crafts" become a thing? What happened to the good old days of putting an egg in all the dye colors & watching it turn ugly?

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) March 22, 2016

Serious question. When does the Easter Bunny come by to pick up all the kids he just loaded up with candy? #parenting

— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) March 28, 2016

FYI: Talking into a half-eaten hollow chocolate bunny makes your voice louder, in case anyone needs their Easter candy to be more obnoxious

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) March 30, 2016

My kids have figured out every hiding spot I have in this house, so I guess I have no choice but to finish this stash of Easter candy now.

— Ash (@cray_at_home_ma) March 29, 2016

How Easter candy is really made http://pic.twitter.com/EuEJpTSIUz

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) March 27, 2016

A cute and scientific thing I tell my kids is that the Easter Bunny's body would flop around for several minutes after decapitation.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 28, 2017

Pro Tip: Christmas lights can double as Easter lights if *you* leave them up long enough. *we*

— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 7, 2017

4 yr old son: "That Jesus guy came back from the dead and saw all these people? So then he's a zombie?"#Easter

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) March 27, 2016

5: here's the thing about chocolate: it's delicious. Me: is that it? 5: yes. Me: ok. 5: and I found an Easter egg from last year & ate it.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 2, 2017

Jesus died on the cross so you could put pictures of your kid's Easter basket on Facebook.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 5, 2015

I forgot to post a picture of my kids in their Easter clothes on Facebook yesterday and now DCFS is knocking on my door.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 21, 2014

*Morgan Freeman narrates "Alex thought he'd controlled his demons, but as soon as the Cadbury Easter Eggs went on display, it was all over."

— Once Meh, Always Meh (@TheAlexNevil) January 15, 2017

While we were sleeping, did Easter become Halloween Part 2/Mini-Christmas?? (Some of these baskets, man.)

— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) April 21, 2014

Celebrating Easter by being woke up at 5:15am and letting my kid her weight in chocolate before the sun comes up just like the Lord intended

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) March 27, 2016

[Wipes chocolate from face and brushes candy dust from lap.] I hate those cliche tweets about parents eating all their kids Easter candy.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) March 28, 2016

Hey Gals, don't forget to check Pinterest today for ideas on upcycling your Easter bonnet into an April Fool's Day chapeau.

— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) March 30, 2016

People who say “Hoppy Easter!” make me feel like Jesus isn’t risen.

— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) March 27, 2016

Real text to my husband: "Easter stuff is ready for the attic. But, please, whatever you do, keep the Christmas welcome mat outside okay?"

— Jenna Fischer (@jennafischer) April 13, 2016

Behind every photo of kids coloring eggs is a parent screaming and threatening to take away Easter.

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) March 27, 2016

My 8yo son asked for a smart phone for Easter. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Everything about that phrase is ridiculous.

— Lady E (@LadyEdotMe) March 6, 2017

The Easter Bunny doesn't talk, so here are the kids awkwardly looking at each other like, What do we do now? http://pic.twitter.com/iTMDTx2VWe

— Aaron Schmidt (@byaaronschmidt) March 26, 2016

What came first? The tantrum over leaving a giant basket of candy at home, or the egg hunt? #Easter

— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 27, 2016

Bummed Easter is over. Now which candy/gift bestowing mythological creature am I supposed to use to extort good behavior out of my children?

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) April 21, 2014

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2pmklAE

#Healthy Living - The Huffington Post

0 notes