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archonadeptus · 1 year

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Hi ^^ ok so I got a spark of inspo and I want to get this out before I forget, Genshin x Creator! Y/n (GN) angst thing. Idea is that Creator y/n has a nightmare where their body is almost not their own and they're forced to watch themself kill all of their beloveds, then go to pov the Genshin characters and they have to watch y/n thrashing around saying little "no.."'s and "stop.."s while the Genshin characters are trying to wake them up and stop their suffering, :insert something with ur incredible imagination:, and then they finally wake up with a gasp and tears falling down their face and they hug the nearest character (say like Tighnari or someone else you choose ❤️) and then they just sob their heart out saying "I'm sorry...." Over and over again until they get comforted, then they tell the Genshin characters (I'm leaving the character choosing to you) what the nightmare was abt and then at the end they breakout crying all over again, then one big group hug later y/n is happy (but still very sorry and regretful) and it goes to fluff cuz I can't handle having my heart shattered, with y/n being a bit more clingy. The end. And ofc you don't have to do this req but it was an idea that I got just after reading one on your other fics, anywho have a good day/night/whatever the heck and take care of yourself, imma go cry bc this idea already shattered my heart thinking abt it. 🙂

A/N: Thank you so much for your request! I appreciate it so much~♡ I absolutely love this idea, I love Angst and comfort so much!! I truly hope that this is everything you were looking for. I hope I shatter all of your hearts and mend them again at the end with all of the fluff! Enjoy, lovelies.♡

Edit A/N: I got a little excited and carried away I'm so sorry it's so long omg.

Characters: Tighnari, Kazuha, Wanderer, Xiao, Zhongli

Warnings: A lot of Angst within the first section. Main character deaths (in the form of a dream), upsetting scenes, mention of a character ending their own life. A lot of comfort at the end!~ (The Angst is just a dream!)

Control.

Sitting upon your throne carefully crafted by only the most glorious chunks of cor lapis and most vibrant of flowers always felt a little too much for you. Yes, you had embraced being the creator long ago, but it still felt a little too much. The way everybody would bow to you, some even looking a little afraid. Why in Teyvat would any of your own creations fear you? Then again, why were you even in your throne room to begin with? This was reserved for occasions where your beloved acolytes had assured you that your presence specifically on the throne was important, you just had to address Teyvat from your rightful place. As far as you knew, there were no emergencies that needed tending to and nobody had told you to come here.

"Tell me, what makes you think I adore you all?" Who said that? Wait, that's your voice echoing off the marble walls. Why… Why do you sound so angry? Why is your voice void of any love? Silence fell upon the room, the pressure of the air seeming to thicken. "I do require a reply, that was in no way rhetorical." Your eyes narrowed, deep golden eyes glaring down at five of your acolytes beneath you, bowing lowly on the floor. You weren't controlling your own voice, nor were you controlling your own body. Why is this happening? They all look so afraid.

"M-my divine." Zhongli spoke first, daring to lift his amber hues to meet your own. "You created us. Everything is made with nothing but your own hands and abilities. Do you not love what you have created?-"

"Shut it, Morax." Your voice was so heavy in the air, the floors lightly rumbling with an ever-growing rage. "I did not ask for a rant, just a simple reply. And did I hear you questioning me?" You stood rather abruptly, Zhonglis eyes meeting the floor once again. You summoned a weapon made of nothing but pure golden swirls, you placed the tip beneath Zhonglis chin and lifted his gaze upward to meet yours again. "I simply detest you. My most loyal acolyte? What a lie." Kazuha seemed to slowly lift his gentle tear filled gaze up, his soft doe eyes meeting your own.

"B-beloved, he didn't mean it in the way you think. We truly adore you… But please…" The sword you now wielded left Zhongli causing his gaze to move away to the floor again, it now lifted up Kazuha's gaze to meet your own.

"Beloved?" You spat out, glaring down at him. "And you too dare to question my judgement?" He slowly shook his head, shutting his eyes tightly to try and will away his pretty tears threatening to spill down his dusted cheeks.

"I-im sorry, your grace." A smirk painted itself on your lips before you knelt down a little before him.

"Let me tell you a little secret, my dearest wandering samurai. You know your beloved Tomo?" His eyes immediately filled with love and pain at the mention of the fallens name. "I had so much fun controlling his fate, you know. His obsession with the Musou no Hitotachi was such a good plan. Do you know why I led your beloved to death?" He was trying to muffle his own sobs with his hands pressed against his mouth. You… You led Tomo to death? "Because I grew bored of him. I didn't want to play with him anymore. But my goodness, seeing you watch him die certainly was a treat. I mean, look at what it did for your character development!" Why were you telling lies? This wasn't you, why can't you stop yourself? "Do you want to know what he was saying before your arrival? He was begging me to spare him for longer, just so he could say goodbye to you. To ensure you were okay." You scoffed at this, "He didn't trust that you were safe with me." Kazuhas sobs now escaped his lips as his broken stare met your own. "Ah, but maybe he was correct. I'm bored of you too, Kaedehara Kazuha. Tell me now, how badly do you wish to see him again?"

"N-no please… T-this isn't you. S-stop, I beg of you, I'll do anything." Rolling your eyes you stood,

"Your begging no longer amuses me, Kazuha. Do you desire to see what Tomo saw upon his death? Let me show you…" Before he could even cry out his love for you and his apologies, you preformed the divine punishment upon him. Though this time, it was all golden. His body lay before you, your other acolytes whimpering at the sight.

"Now, Xiao my darling." He seemed the calmest of them all, his eternal suffering allowing him to mask his emotions easily. That now though was boring to you, you wanted to see him break. "You're nothing but loyal to me, right?" Your hand gently cupped his cheek, thumb rubbing against his skin in soothing circles. He nodded eagerly, eyes on your own.

"Yes, your grace."

"Would you do anything I ask of you, beloved?" Once again, another gentle nod as his faze softened at your touch.

"Yes, your grace."

"Good boy." With a smile, you gave him his Jade Spear again, standing with him. "Kill Morax."

"Y-your grace?" Zhonglis head snapped up at your words before gazing at Xiao with the Jade spear he once gifted him.

"You heard me, darling. Kill him, he's a traitor. Did you hear how he questioned me? Did you hear his lack of faith?" Xiao's hands gripped harder onto the spear before his eyes met Zhonglis again.

"Child, you must." He sighed, lowering his head. "It is what our creator desires. I deserve this punishment…" Xiao raised the spear as you smiled brightly, stepping back.

"Any last words, Rex Lapis?" Zhongli knelt on his knees, gazing up at Xiao.

"It was an honour to fight beside you, to raise you, and die by your hands my Adeptus. You are my strongest warrior, and you shall always shine like gold within my memories. Even during death." Xiao shook, eyes finally filling with tears. Did he… have to do this? Did he have to kill him… n-no. There must be another way for him. Immediately he lowered his spear and fell down to the ground before your throne once you sat back upon it.

"Your grace, please. Spare him, let me die in his place"

"Oh how boring. I would have thought you'd at least inflicted some damage. Not even offering Tighnari over there as a substitute? Or Wanderer? No?" Rolling your eyes you hummed. "Very well. Put on a show for me." Xiao simply nodded, Zhongli however stood and began to rush over to Xiao.

"No!" Golden chains soon shoved him to the ground. "You cannot make him do this! This is unjust, your grace." His eyes shone as he struggled against the ever strengthening chains.

"Unjust?" You smirked, "I see now that I sit before Rex Lapis and not Zhongli. Only the God of contracts would have the will of stone to dare question his creator." He growled lowly, golden markings forming upon his skin.

"Do not lay a hand upon him." You giggled, throwing your head back in glee against your throne.

"Me? Lay a hand upon him? No, no. I think you'll find yourself quite mistaken there, Morax. For he shall kill himself." Without another word needed from you, Xiao did just as you had said. He laid there before your throne, body weak as he whined and reached for you within his final moments. At this, you simply smacked his hand away and sighed. Zhongli was screaming with rage at this point, nothing but agony filling his body. Wanderer and Tighnari simply sat there and watched it all.

"H-how could you kill off your own acolytes like this?"

"Ah look who's finally decided to join this wonderful discussion of ours~ If another word leaves your lips, I too shall end you Tighnari. I'm not interested in you right now…" Your golden eyes drifted over to wanderer. "I'm interested in him."

You knew Wanderer was panicking, all of the memories about being abandoned, tortured and broken replaying in his head. You were watching his memories and his thoughts, they made the real you scream in upset. Surely all of this wasn't happening right now?

"My dear Wanderer." His doe eyes gazed at you longingly. Ah, so this wasn't Wanderer. This was your beloved Kunikuzushi, before you got bored and put him through suffering so all of his love and loyalty would belong to you. "My darling Kuni… You love me, don't you?"

"Y-yes my divine." You smiled brightly, moving over to him and removing his hat to pat his head.

"Good boy. How will you prove your love to me, Kuni?" He scrunched his eyebrows in thought, it was almost beyond adorable.

"However you see fit. You have all of me, my Divine." You smiled brightly before humming again.

"Then perish just for me? Just like Xiao?" He simply nodded almost like he was in a trance.

"Yes, my divine."

No. No. No. No! No!

"NO MORE!" Your eyes snapped open as you threw yourself up into a sitting position, out of it and seeming to be in a half awake dream state. You were pushing whoever was around you away, whilst simultaneously trying to pull them closer.

"What's going on? Your grace, wake up now." Wanderer sighed whilst trying to hold you still to prevent you from hurting yourself in your panic.

"Hey, hey!" Was that Wanderer? "Calm it down love… Wake up." You began to scream, the dream still feeling so real. Tears rapidly rolled down your face as firm hands gripped onto your shoulders. "Hey! Fox boy! Get here now!" In any other circumstance, if you were fully awake, you would have giggled at Wanderers words. But not now, not when you killed them all. Not when you forced Tighnari and Zhongli to witness such brutal deaths.

"Seriously?! 'Wake up now?' That's all you could think of saying? I tried that already!" He growled lowly as he struggled to keep you calm, your cries and screaming tearing at what heart he wished he had.

"Our divine can hear our voices, that will keep them grounded onto something and saying 'wake up' just proves to them they're in a dream." Tighnari snapped lightly whilst fumbling in his bag before pulling out an orb filled with plants. "Hold them still!"

"What does it look like I'm trying to do? I'm not just sitting here for my own amusement." He spoke harshly to others, but his lips moved by your ear as he whispered. "Shh, I've got you. Everythings alright now, I'm here, I've got you. Love… Come back to me." At his gentle tone, your screams lessened into light whimpers. This prompted Tighnari to place the orb beneath your nose, and once the sharp smell of several herbs filled your senses your eyes snapped open.

"KAZUHA!" You panted, starting to cry again hiding within Wanderers arms. "X-xiao! Wanderer- What have I done?!" Tighnari immediately moved the orb away, tucking it back into his bag as he cupped your cheeks so you looked at him. Wanderer was a little taken aback at the possessive feeling within him especially after hearing you call his name like that. He'd never seen you look so helpless, almost like the way he once was when he was known as Kunikuzushi. Tighnari offered you the most reassuring smile he could,

"Hey there my Lotus, we've got you now. You're here darling, you're away from that place." Your whimpers shattered his heart, yet due to calling his name you didn't see Xiao rapidly approaching.

"Get away from them! What happened?" He moved to push them away to check to ensure you were alright, but Wanderer just shoved him away with his leg as he continued to hold you.

"Watch yourself little Adeptus, don't take what isn't yours." Xiao opened his mouth to say something more before Zhongli cut them off once walking into the room.

"Do not upset our Divine any further, your rage is distressing them." Xiao gazed at your tear stained face, but once your shaky hand reached up to his cheek curiosity filled his mind from your words.

"You're alive…"

"Yes, I am alive." He responded quickly, confused as to why you were asking. His debt didn't affect him whilst you were there, why would he be dead? Your head turned to see Wanderer holding you safely in his arms.

"Wanderer… My Kuni - you're alive too." Your eyes trailed around the room to try and find Kazuha. Where was he? Did you actually kill him whilst that horrible nightmare possessed your body? "Kazuha. Where is Kazuha?" You immediately stood up despite shaking, it felt like your body was still gaining its rightful strength after your dream. As you heard once in a previous life, all dreams pass a realm of reality. You tried to move forward, only for Xiao to hold you safely as you fell a little. Zhongli placed his hand upon your back,

"Tighnari, please go and get the samurai. I believe this is the only way we can calm them." Tighnari nodded before giving you one last look before leaving to quickly go and find Kazuha. He was always wandering your serenitea pot lands at this time, he wouldn't be too hard to track down. They soon moved you back down to sit upon the sofa again trying to keep your attention on them and not on the nightmare.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." Your tone was filled with nothing but heartbreak, your tears rolling down your flushed cheeks once again. "I'm sorry, please forgive me. Please don't hate me, I don't think I can bear it." Your soft sobs and begging flickered panic within your acolytes' hearts. Their own creator was begging them… This felt so wrong.

A bang from the main door made you jump whilst the others summoned their weapons to protect you, Wanderer standing in front of you to shield you with himself.

"Your grace!" The sound of Kazuha's voice made you sob out in relief as you pushed past to bring him into your arms, fist clinging onto Xiao's clothes as you held him.

"You're alive. You're both alive - you're okay." Taking a shaky breath in between your sobs you continued to cry out apologies. "I'm sorry, I'm so truly sorry." Falling to your knees, the wandering samurai and adeptus followed your lead and dropped to their knees with you to bring you into their warm embrace.

"My beloved divine, I am here now. I'm so sorry I'm late, dearest. I won't leave your side now okay?" You nodded against his warmth, hiccuping as after a while your sobs slowed.

"I killed you. I killed you Kazuha, fed you dreadful lies then killed you." Taking a jagged breath inward, your eyes met Xiaos. "You ended your own life due to my words in return for me sparing Morax. I- … I then went to kill Wanderer the same way as Xiao before waking. I forced Tighnari to watch all of it, I was so horrid I couldn't control my own body. Please, forgive me." A cup of cold water was soon brought to your lips by Tighnari as both anemo users held you closer. Softly sniffling, you began to drink slowly before coughing a little.

"Gentle, your grace. Do not rush…" Xiao gazed at you sorrowfully before looking downwards.

"No, you do not need to be forgiven. I do. If I was here, I would have destroyed the dream before it dared to even look upon you."

"Xiao," Zhongli began, his hand upon Xiao's head with a gentle smile. "Not now. This wasn't your fault, nor was it our divines. Bad dreams happen, I've seen my fair share during my lifetime. Many were brutal from the archon war." He sighed lightly, placing his hand carefully upon your cheek trying to comfort you. "But you see, dearest, they are a manifestation of our worst thoughts. Something that you would never do turns into something so real. We are all okay now, my divine, we're all here." His touch grounded you even more as he slowly lifted your now fragile form up and into his arms before getting you comfortable back on the sofa. Wanderer was sitting beside you, hand fiddling with the divine material of your clothing. Your gentle voice was but a whisper, but it made him practically melt.

"Please, hold me?" You didn't have to ask twice. You were immediately against his chest, safe and warm. A warm hand upon your back making soothing circles. Sure, you couldn't feel any heartbeat to ground you, but he was trying by channelling power through his vision to slowly bring it to life to mimic a heartbeat.

"Your grace, you can tuck your hands into my tail. You seem chilly… And don't worry, that was a case of a night terror and sleep paralysis. I've got little herbs to ensure that won't happen to you again." He paused, smiling as you held onto his tail. A light giggle escaped your lips as Xiao moved over to dry your tears. "We know we're safe with you, just like you know you're safe with us."

"What're you looking at, grandpa? They're safe with me, they don't need any extra. Move aside." Wanderer smirked before sticking his tongue out at Zhongli causing the archon to sigh. Though he buried his head against your neck as you held onto him hiding into his warmth with only a gentle whisper to be shared between you both. "I'm not going anywhere, yeah? I won't abandon you, and you won't abandon me. I've got you, I'll keep you safe." He pressed a gentle fleeting kiss to your shoulder before Tighnari took the place beside you, his tail soon brushing against your hand.

"Such a thing won't happen again." Xiao stated a matter of factly, crossing his arms against his chest. He'd be keeping a closer eye on your dreams now, so do not fret.

"And even if it did…" Kazuha's voice soon joined in, leaning over the sofa to fiddle with your strands of hair. Oh how you melted his heart, creator. "We will forever be here to pull you out of the world of dreams. They shall never hold onto you forever, but we shall do so."

"I agree with Kazuha, your grace. Forgive our selfishness, but you cannot get rid of us so easily. We shall forever be here with you and we won't ever lose you. As, my beloved, you shine like gold to us and us alone."

You're safe with them now, and believe me when I say you don't leave their arms for a long while. They never complain about this of course as this is all they want. You.♡

You have the control, your grace. Nothing like that will ever occur unless you desire so.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin impact creator #xiao x reader #zhongli x reader #tighnari x reader #wanderer x reader #kazuha x reader #sagau #genshin angst #genshin fluff

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merakiui · 1 year

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okay but what about mangaka jade who is known for writing some of the most batshit insane stories? they’re always so bloody and graphic, scenes depicting victims having their organs removed are always so… realistic in their portrayal some internet users have begun suspecting him of the bodies found around the city! but it’s just fiction, of course - it’s not like he derives any pleasure from seeing the human body disfigured beyond belief, until it’s but a lump of flesh and organs in disarray. just don’t question too much when you receive a request to model for mangaka! jade, even if the location he sends you is hours away from the city >_<

OOOOOO imagine being an internet sleuth trying to decipher the strange and mysterious mangaka known only by the pen name: naoh. They're a very talented artist and storyteller, but they're just so shrouded in anonymity! naoh never attends any conventions or events, but they do self-publish and sell their works through doujinshi and manga websites. naoh is rather particular when it comes to their work. They never resell works that have already been published. In essence, once a work is sold out it's never going to be sold again, and they only ever create a maximum of two works each year with limited numbers of copies. naoh themself isn't very active on their social media, only ever posting the rare WIP or an update on when a new work will be up for sale. Despite their quiet social media presence, they have gained quite the following. naoh never follows anyone on their account, and it seems like they rarely engage with fellow mangaka and creators with similar interests. They work alone.

You're a fan of naoh's work. The way they draw the human body is fascinating. It's something that could be seen in an anatomy textbook; it's always so realistic and yet still so eerily beautiful and stylized! You'll never forget how they draw emaciated bodies. It's an image imprinted in your brain: horrifyingly realistic and skeletal, a figure so gaunt it's quite literally skin and bones drowning in clothing that can no longer fit comfortably. You've always wondered how they manage to draw such visceral scenes (like the ones depicting clinical dissections or decaying corpses). And then there's the way they depict fear. It's almost always raw, stretching the characters' features into something horrific. It looks so real; it feels tangible. Fans often speculate if naoh has a job in law enforcement or any other profession that deals with the more grotesque and graphic sides of humans, which could be references for some of their horror stories and could explain why they're so good at depicting details.

But then there are the fans who go beyond simple, innocent curiosity and begin to ask disturbing questions: What if naoh isn't with law enforcement? What if, rather, they're the exact opposite: a criminal? It feels like a silly theory, but when you flip through the physical copies of their work and compare the plots to the yet-to-be-solved cases throughout the past few months you begin to spot a few minor similarities. They're never glaring; after all, naoh is a master of crafting both cutthroat terrors and subtle horrors. The type that builds suspense over time. The type that crawls into your head through your ear to whisper nonsense at night. The type that slowly forms a picture over time, but once you realize this it will have been too late.

In their most recent work, a young man is out for a hike when he takes a stumble and falls down a dangerous slope, landing on a rocky outcrop that breaks his leg and leaves him trapped many feet above the ground. He tries to call for help, but no one seems to hear his voice. He spends days on the outcrop, slowly losing hope and sanity. By the end of the story, he's so certain he's going to die that he drags himself over to the edge and free-falls to the ground below. He lands in a spattering mess of shattered bone and stringy, bloody muscle. A lump of a human. The cruel twist is that his hiking partner had actually left to get help as soon as he had fallen and that the man had only been stuck up there for ten hours. Not even a full day, yet panic seized him and left him in hysterics. Had he remained calm and waited, he would have been saved.

It's a terrifying concept made even more scary when you realize there was a story just like this that hit the news. Only it wasn't a man who had slipped. A woman had been out for a run through mountainous woods; she was training for an upcoming cross-country journey through uneven terrain when she sustained blunt force trauma to the head. Many suspect her running buddy to be at fault, as she was never found, and it's theorized she's still on the run. The woman had attempted to flee, but with her head injuries her senses were vastly impaired and she took too many wrong turns. Police suspect she unintentionally ran herself to the edge of a cliff. From there, the story is foggy and difficult to piece together, but it ends terribly: she was found at the very bottom days later, decomposing in thorny bushes, her body mangled and twisted and smashed beyond recognition. The pathologist noted her body was in such disrepair that it's unclear what truly killed her, whether the fall or injuries she had sustained prior to the fall.

And it isn't just this story that somewhat mirrors naoh's works (often it's a setting or a circumstance or a facet of the true crime itself incorporated. Very rarely is it about the victim). You read up on very long threads regarding naoh and their identity, and slowly you find yourself doing research of your own. You have no idea where to start, so for now you keep track of each story you hear on the news and try to match pieces of it to naoh's works in hopes of learning anything new. Unsolved cases, though plentiful and murky, are where you turn to, as well as the discussion boards online. So many people are convinced naoh is a killer. After reading a few rational theories, you're beginning to think so, too. (Though something tells you it could be coincidence, or it could be naoh taking inspiration from reality. They might not even be a murderer like some think; it might just be hateful people trying to sully their name.)

One day, while scouring naoh's social media for any clues, you get the idea to type the pen name into the search bar as if it might yield something interesting. And the first thing that pops up is: Sodium hydroxide (NaOH), known commonly as lye or caustic soda, is... You stop reading and scramble to grab naoh's first-ever work: a work in which that same chemical plays a major role in murder. NaOH is a substance that, when heated to a certain degree, can dissolve a human body into a syrupy liquid in just three hours.

And that's the pen name of a mangaka who writes and illustrates horror stories about the sordid sides of humankind. A mangaka who might just be a murderer racking up a horrifying kill count, and no one knows anything about them or where they might be in the world. Most of all, no one knows where they'll strike next and who will fall victim to a dangerous killer.

naoh is a mangaka catalouging their murders, and you're determined to prove it.

#twisted chit chat #i promise i am sane about jade leech #internet sleuth reader teaming up with police officer deuce spade to help find and capture naoh >:)#i just know jade was rubbing his hands together like a devious mosquito when he was coming up with that pen name #hypothetically what if i write a fic with this concept and it's as brutal as 11:11..... hehe jk jk #or am i.....??? :)

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muzzleroars · 1 year

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helloo I also go feral whenever you post I love how much thought you put into everything .. auuuoaua it's so good,,

I am curious, what are your thoughts on the ferryman?

aaaa thank you!!! speculating on lore and creating headcanons is one of my favorite things to do with media i love, so i'm glad you all like listening to my thoughts ;o; and double thank you for letting me talk about the ferryman!!!!

the ferryman is one of my favorite enemies in the game, but i think it makes sense considering how much the character has going on. they're a being that sits at odds to everyone else in hell, save for perhaps those in limbo - they are ashamed of what they were and long so much more for heaven than others seem to on the lower layers, while they also maintain a loyal love to gabriel when otherwise he is viewed with hatred for what he's done to the citizens of hell. so central to the ferryman is their loneliness, appropriate for a sailor on an endless ocean, who only has their faith to sustain them in an unforgiving storm.

however, there's a dichotomy to the ferryman - they stand apart from all the other sinners, yet they take massive amounts of pride in their work and it benefits those very sinners. i find it quite interesting that they develop their ships, they incorporate new technologies into them, but most of all, they make them comfortable. the interior of their ship is almost welcoming, a place where new and terrified souls could possibly relax if there is such a thing to the freshly damned. love is worked in, a care for those that are afraid because they understand that fear too and perhaps that's inherent to them, perhaps it's what gabriel did for them, perhaps it's both. so while it’s true that the ferryman is alone, they show an aching sort of love in all of their work from their idols to their ships. they are totally detached from all others, set apart from the sinners they still show thoughtful kindness toward through their work and separated impossibly from gabriel who they sculpt forever for in his long absence.

and their devotion to gabriel has to be discussed given how central it is to their character and what we know about them, how their ship is decorated to honor him with paintings, with sculpture, with his hologram. it's. utterly tragic, it stacks onto their isolation and their love and ultimately crystallizes it. they carefully craft the idols in his honor, the image of the virgin and child as tribute most likely to gabriel's role in the annunciation. to them, he is the gentle messenger written of in the bible, he guides with words of comfort and he is their unwavering faith in a world so desolate and broken. the ferryman knows they will never be saved, at least deep down even if they can't consciously admit it - they are an ailing sailor forever lost at sea and they know they did it to themselves, they chose their fate long ago, but gabriel's care is enough to see them through, to carry them forward in sin so heavy it made them tear their flesh from their bodies. they have mortified their physical form to its destruction and i have to imagine it carries heavy consequences, an agony and ever-present ache in their bones, a rattling cough from phantom lungs when they have nothing to protect them from the driving rain. there is a sickness to them, but still they write in their journal of gabriel, they painstakingly carve another idol of the holy mother, and they work, they work, they can never forgive what they were but he is there even if he never returns. love and loneliness. the ferryman only has themself, and so they hate their only company.

by the events of the game, i do wonder what the ferryman must be feeling, how they were nearly drowned in the souls that poured in from man's demise but since have no longer had any sinners to ferry. and for me, it means they have nearly totally withdrawn into themself, into the memory they have of love and are now forever looking inward. in my version of events, i do have the ferryman live without confronting v1, but it's honestly a complete accident - since my v1 is always flipping a coin, it does so when boarding the ferryman's ship and so they take it as payment. the action does surprise and fascinate v1 briefly, leading it to produce another coin in front of the ferryman to see if they'll take a second (an attempt to establish a pattern). but when they indicate that they need no more, v1 simply moves on and largely places them out of its mind, especially considering the rest of its passage. for the ferryman, they are as detached as ever, knowing not where v1 came from nor willing to wonder at this point. they are wholly within themself by now, totally isolated in their love for their idea of gabriel with so little else on their infinite ocean. they feel their illness working itself impossibly deep, yet know they will never succumb.

("small" side note to end things, i’m so TORN about whether or not I want them to have had any additional contact with gabriel after he saved them. i do think him coming to them once and never again has a distinct melancholy in it, one that suits someone at sea forever thinking of the one they love and knowing they will never come home to see them. and it sort of goes both ways in a sense, that the ferryman is both the sailor and the lover waiting, so it’s in line with their character. BUT in terms of gabriel’s character, i do like him attempting to keep some connection to the ferryman due to his increasing fear that he’s failing them, that he’s failing all the sinners of hell. with every crime he commits against them all, he feels that weight growing on his back and so he wants to have one sinner he could protect, one that he could save from heaven’s punishments. and so he sees them, very rarely, usually briefly, but always with words of comfort, of understanding, of affection. he knows their feelings for him and he can’t know how to respond, he wonders often if his visits do more harm than good...but they have nothing else, no one in that freezing rain. so i just. MAYBE i’m soft and sometimes i want him to give them a little warmth, a brief window where they stop working and their cough lightens. AUGH)

#i think when the ferryman finds sleep #they often believe they will die of whatever they're sick with #and things seem to turn into a bad dream. all of hell a nightmare #and they're so close to finding heaven when they wake #but they always wake on their ship or cabin once more #back to work it is!#also think they have a room for gabe somewhere on that ship. just in case.#SORRY i've been developing on them lately actually.....more fallen gabe arc stuff......#ferryman lives. they can swim even if leviathan destroyed their ship!!#and get to fixing it oh good lird.....#cake answers

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