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failurefemmegf · 8 months

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I'm very sorry for all you went through. i remember being your age in uni and suicidal. I went to uni for biology and was nowhere near the rest of my family who all lived across the country (in the USA). I would encourage you to look into intersectional feminism and engage with LGBT+ centers on your area if they are available. Even if you find donye radfems who don't hate trans people, many still believe in bioessentialism.

Bioessentialism doesn't help anyone. It puts people in stricter boxes that they cannot escape from. Never mind that it ignores much of actual biology. Such as sex being incredibly complicated and bimodal rather than binary. Many radfems (especially those that are vocal about their transphobia) will often ignore that information. Along with the history of intersex children/babies having surgeries done to them so that they conform to being strictly male or female and/or sterilized.

I am glad you discovered so much more about yourself and were able to take time to reflect and see that you are not trans/transition wasn't right for you. But please don't let your own feelings take you down a path that will lead to hate or trying to control someone else's autonomy.

Best wishes. May you always have what you need and friends by your side.

i really appreciate your concern in reaching out to me. i will say i have engaged with intersectional feminism since my younger teen years, and i am looking for lgbt+ resource centers near me, but it's extremely difficult because i live in a rural area. so it has been something i've been considering.

i understand your concerns about radical feminism and bioessentialism, but i experienced a lot of bioessentialism in the trans community as well. when i was active in the trans community, there was especially a push that if you identified even slightly out of a box, you were supposed to make or join a new one. my experience with gender can be best summed up by this comic by @peerjongeling on instagram.

i don't want to have to label myself, and even if i choose not to have a label, i'll still get labels shoved on me anyways, such as "nonbinary" and "agender". i don't want another box, i want the boxes gone.

so if i don't want a gender label, what am i if not female? it doesn't matter whether i id as nonbinary, agender, a trans man, i'm still oppressed by misogyny because i was born with a uterus. i'm female because i was born female, and no amount of changing my appearance or self-identity will change that.

not to mention there are hundreds of gnc women around the world who are still female. i don't think "discomfort with being female" should be grounds for an entire new identity. i've never met a woman who was perfectly happy being a woman and that does not make all those women nonbinary. like i said before it's just more boxes and does nothing to fix the actual problem with sex and gender in society.

"female" doesn't mean anything to me other than "this person was born with a vagina and a uterus." likewise, "male" doesn't mean anything but "this person was born with a penis." female and male say nothing about personality, interests, expression, etc., and i am all for the spectrum of human expression. this is an unpopular opinion among radfems, but for me this even extends to pronouns and gendered language.

as for intersex folk, i'll concede that i don't have enough information to form an opinion, but i am firmly, firmly against any sort of sex reassignment surgery done to intersex children and infants.

however, once someone becomes an adult, i'm not going to advocate against transition, because hey, not my body, not going to try to control strangers. but if someone asked my genuine opinion on whether or not they should pursue medical transition, i am going to say "there's nothing you can do with a transitioned body that you can't do with your current one."

i guess that sums up where i'm at right now. i hope this didn't come across as harsh, because i genuinely feel your compassion nonny and i'm grateful for your concern.

best wishes to you, and i hope you find your joy in whatever form it may take

#[ let's play! ]#gender abolition #gender critical #ask tag #i feel like i'm rambling without getting anywhere but i hope this makes a bit of sense!!

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bookwyrminspiration · 2 years

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Dear Quil, it's June. Lately, I've been wishing I would just die. I would never do anything to harm myself, but I just think things like, "I wish that cupboard would fall and crush me" My parents say I should see a therapist too. I don't think I need to, but I said okay. Do you think something's wrong with me, Quil? Am I depressed? Maybe it's the pressure from school or the stuff being going on at home, but I don't know. I just want to be happy again. But that's not going to happen soon is it?

Hey June, I think I know what you're talking about. Sounds like passive suicidal ideation, where you're not actively making any plans but are instead thinking about or wishing for your own death. You can read more about that here if you're curious, which is more of an informal source but provides a nice summary.

It's very common for people having those thoughts to not think they need treatment or help because they'd never act on them, but I do think there's cause for concern that could be aided through therapy. That doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or you're messed up or anything along those lines. It's not a reflection of you as a person or evidence that you're worthless or bad or anything else your mind may try to convince you of. But it's not healthy and not wise to leave it unaddressed; you deserve better than to endure those thoughts and while you may not have any active desires now, passive ideation can lead to active ideation, so it's better to work on things sooner rather than later.

I can't determine whether or not you're depressed or whether it's situational or clinical, but I can say that I'm proud of you for agreeing to seeing a therapist even if you don't think you need to. I'll confess that I'm not a huge fan of going to therapy myself. The first time I went it was because my parents wanted me to when I was 13 or 14, and I didn't want to be there so I lied to my therapist so I wouldn't have to keep going. I don't recommend doing this, just trying to show I understand not thinking you need or would benefit from therapy. And when I started going to therapy again of my own decision, I still wasn't super hyped about it, but I went through with it to give it a valiant effort to see if I could gain anything from it. And I did.

So if you follow through and start going to therapy, part of it is going to depend on how open you are to the experience. On if you're willing to try things and look at things differently and acknowledge things about yourself. No one can make you do that. I'd suggest giving it a solid attempt, even if you decide it isn't helping or isn't for you afterward. If they suggest a coping strategy, genuinely try it. Participate and engage during the session, answer questions the best you can. Maybe you'll find out you didn't need therapy or that therapy isn't right for you (and that's okay!) or maybe you'll find it's beneficial. You won't know until you try. And lying to your therapist like I did doesn't help anyone

I can't tell you when you'll be happy again, but I can promise you that what you're feeling now won't last forever and that happiness in the future is possible, inevitable even. It sucks what you're going through and I'm so sorry. But it is temporary. There will be a time when things aren't as bad, and when you're not wishing cabinets would crush you, and when you can enjoy being you. I know it sounds impossible, but thoughts like these can make it really hard to be hopeful about the future and everything gets skewed, so I promise you this isn't permanent

Until you get there, because you will, one thing I like to do when everything is so dull and seems pointless is to search for little things that are slightly better than everything else, just to remind me that good things still exist when life is bad. My partner and I call it "three things," where we list three things from the day that made us smile or were more positive than the rest of the things that happened. It can be big things like "I got a new gaming console today!" or small things like "I finally found that sock I lost forever ago and now the pair is complete again." Just things to help you sort through all the muck and remind you that not everything is bad.

I don't know if any of this will help you, but if there's anything I can do please don't hesitate to ask. If you want to try the three things activity but don't want to do it alone, I can do it with you! It can be nice to share with someone else sometimes. Or if you just want to talk I'm here.

I hope whatever you decide to do from here works out for the best for you, and I'm cheering you on from across the internet <3

#quil's queries #june nonsie #it can also be hard to want or accept help at times. which I struggle with a /lot/#so I know it might be hard to listen to me or anyone else #and that's okay. I can't make you do anything. I'm just here if you want me to be #and to help how I can if you want it #i'm so sorry you're dealing with all this #thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me #passive suicidal ideation #tw death #tw suicidal ideation

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sophi-s · 3 years

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Day 29 #Grief

Whoops. I actually ended up writing a short piece for this one as well and uh... I think I accidentally created a new ship... :O

To Mourn Together

By: sophi-s (me)

Franchise: Darksiders video games

Words: 1 961

Warnings: None

Characters: Uriel, Nathaniel, Abaddon (mentioned)

_________________________________________

With utmost certainty, one could say it was one of the brightest nights in the White City. Of course, with the buildings in the color of gilded snow, every night seemed bright. But that one particular night the full moon spilled its cold, silver light all over the angelic city, bathing it in a pale glow that reflected in the smooth surfaces and illuminated the warm darkness as the gentle gusts of wind blew through the quiet and empty plaza.

Aside from the sentries patrolling the streets, all of the Heaven's denizens were long asleep in their homes. All of them.

Except for one.

A figure of a lonely angel threads lightly through the city, grand white wings folded neatly at his sides, just like his hands behind his back. His golden battle armor is discarded in favor of a simple set of clothes. There's nothing threatening him after all. Lost in thought, he doesn't acknowledge guards greeting him as he passes by. He walks seemingly without purpose, reconsidering the not so recent events.

Your friend serves the Shadow.

The Archon? Corrupted?!

Impossible!

Leave me, Horseman. I must think of what to do now…

He shook his head with an exasperated sigh. One hundred years. It's been over one hundred years since all of this happened. And yet, all this felt far too fresh in his head. As though it happened merely yesterday. Sweeping his gaze over his surroundings, he realised he'd left for the outskirts of the White City, where the grand Tree of Life stands tall and magnificent as it has since the day Heaven was created. But to his surprise, he wasn't alone here after all. At the foot of the Tree, his keen white eyes spotted another angel. A woman. The same silver hair, any other angel possesses, fluttering on the wind, wings of golden, radiant feathers slumped sadly against her back as she stood there, gazing out at the locked gate to the Well of Souls. Strange. He assumed he would be alone.

Since he wasn't trying to sneak up on her, she heard him approach quite early and whipped around to face him, her own robes billowing, but the moment she laid her golden eyes on him she simply sighed.

"Oh. It's just you, Nathaniel.."

"So it is."

Nathaniel murmured, silently wondering who she'd been actually expecting, and stood for a few long moments, looking at her. A black ribbon with a darkened feather tied around her right wrist caught his attention and something twisted painfully in his chest. Even blackened and bathed in Hellish corruption, the ribbon was unmistakable and the feather spoke for itself..

"What are you doing here, Uriel?"

He found himself asking nonetheless. It's been a long while since they last talked. After all, Nathaniel had been sent away from the Hellguard shortly after Uriel joined their ranks. And it was so long ago.. Humming quietly, Uriel turned away to look up at the Tree's tangled canopy of small fluttering leaves.

"A year…"

She sighed when Nathaniel came closer and stood beside her, watching her stare into the black sky where the moon gazed down on them like a gigantic, round eye.

"It's been a year since Abaddon died.. exactly a year, day to day."

Nathaniel nodded in agreement, looking at Uriel's fingers absent mindedly stroking the end of the ribbon tied around her forearm. Even though he'd been away from the White City for quite some time, rumours about the commander of the Hellguard reached Nathaniel even in Lostlight. If they were true, then no wonder Uriel takes Abaddon's demise so personally. He could only imagine what was going on in her head throughout this year. He wasn't going to stop her from spitting out what she'd been choking up inside of her.

"And yet.. I still sometimes wonder. If I should've done something. Stopped War… I don't know."

"He'd been the Destroyer, Uriel. As much as I disagree with it, you couldn't do anything else for him."

Furrowing her eyebrows, Uriel huffed and lowered her head.

"I know. But… I still have this in my head. The sight of him reaching out to me for help. What if…"

She hesitated, something that was very unlike her. Nathaniel raised his eyebrows curiously, waiting for her to speak up. He had his suspicions from the moment Death brought the news of Abaddon's fate and he couldn't help but wonder if Uriel thought the same way.

"I refuse to believe he'd planned it from the beginning. What if all of it wasn't his choice? He can't have been in his right mind! What if before War killed him, in his last moments Abaddon, the real Abaddon, came back? What if… there was still something worth saving in him?"

Nathaniel's suspicions turned out to be true. She thought just like he had. Now it was his turn to look up at the sky. Indeed, there was something so enchanting about this particular night..

"I wondered myself, Uriel. Many times in fact…"

The younger angel crossed her arms and glared down at her boots as though they'd done something wrong. The branches of the Tree creaked mournfully as the wind tugged on them and ruffled feathers of both angels standing below. Its gusts were getting stronger and its voice whistling against nearby structures brought to mind a sorrowful cry of a lost soul.

"Abaddon taught me everything I know. I had known him my whole life. It feels so… empty without him."

I can't believe he's gone. That's what she truly meant to say and Nathaniel knew it but said nothing of it. He knew that feeling quite well. Better than most. Abaddon had been his friend after all…

"Sometimes I feel like he's still here. Watching over me like he always has.."

Uriel chuckled humorlessly, as though she meant to laugh off the ridiculousness of her claim but Nathaniel didn't feel like laughing. He laid his hand on Uriel's shoulder, nearly making her jump in the process.

"Who says he isn't?"

He could clearly see her jaw visibly clench tightly at his assumption. Not that he could blame her. Nathaniel knew all too well what Uriel was going through. He didn't want anyone to feel like he does and he wished to offer her comfort, compassion. But it's not easy to do so while he grieves as well.

"Do you think I could've changed it?"

Uriel suddenly asked, making Nathaniel's eyebrow wander up.

"During the initial Endwar.. Do you think if I was a little faster back then…"

"Uriel."

The deep tone of his voice had just the result he was counting on as she cut off to finally look him in the eye. Nathaniel placed his other hand on her other shoulder and said sternly

"Even if so, it doesn't change anything. We can't turn back time. Thinking this way won't make you feel better."

"And how could you possibly know?"

It was just the matter of time before Uriel snapped and brushed Nathaniel's hands from her shoulders. There was fire in her eyes, burning like the hottest blaze of Hell.

"You don't know how I feel."

Frowning gently, Nathaniel heaved out a long suffering sigh.

"Quite the opposite in fact.. I know exactly how you feel…"

This seemed to have given Uriel a pause.

"I've known Abaddon even longer than you have. He was my close friend, one of the very few I had. When the news of his fall reached me I kept wondering if it would've been different if I was there. This one, wretched thought stayed with me for a whole century, like a festering wound that refuses to heal. If you seek understanding, I assure you, you will find it in me."

Would it have been different if I knew of the darkness that threatened Lucien? Sometimes he still has those doubts... In shock, Uriel opened her mouth a couple of times only to shut it again as she couldn't find suitable words. Until..

"I'm… sorry. I had no idea…"

With an unhappy smile, Nathaniel shook his head. He wasn't going to take offense. Grief does strange things to people. Uriel snapping at him wasn't the worst thing that could've happened.

"Past cannot be changed. Blaming yourself will not bring you peace of mind. We must march into the future."

Snickering quietly, Uriel looked away.

"You speak words of wisdom.. But I cannot decide if they help me either."

Humming thoughtfully, Nathaniel measured Uriel. Her heart was bleeding profusely, even though she kept it hidden away. He knew how to recognise inner turmoil. From his own experience.. Fortunately, he knew just the way. And honestly, after all this.. Abaddon's treason, Lucien's collapse into the hateful darkness.. he probably needed it as much as she did. Carefully, but insistently, Nathaniel reached out to Uriel and gently pulled her into his arms.

"Nathaniel? What.. are you doing?"

Uriel didn't stop him, probably because of confusion and surprise. Not getting pushed away was a small victory in itself. He was more than happy to explain it to her. Going back to memories of that peculiar human who accompanied Death everywhere always warmed his heart.

"A good friend of mine had told me once that embraces can bring comfort. Especially in sorrow. Does it help you ?"

For a long moment Uriel didn't answer. She was thinking. Up this close Nathaniel could feel her heart rapidly hammering against her ribcage. But then she finally returned the embrace and placed her head on his chest with a heavy sigh.

"It does. Even if a little.."

A tiny note of wonderment in her voice was barely perceptible but definitely there. For a few minutes both angels stood like that in silence before Uriel spoke again.

"Do you think he's at peace? Abaddon, I mean…"

Staring at the shorter angel in his arms, Nathaniel harrumphed. The Charred Council was surely bent on condemning Abaddon, sentencing him to damnation even after his death. He only hoped that the Horsemen made short work of them before they were able to fulfill their dire promises and cast the already tormented soul into Oblivion. Nothing was sure. The only way to confirm either was to travel to the Kingdom of the Dead. Nathaniel couldn't say for certain that Abaddon has his rest or if his spirit in this very moment wastes away in nothingness. The mere thought made his stomach churn. But he didn't speak his fears out loud. He didn't dare.

"I do sincerely hope so…"

An answer as good as any, he supposed. It wasn't a "yes" but neither it was a "no". Perhaps it would be just enough..

"Thank you, Nathaniel.. I'm glad you came here…"

Somehow, an odd, heavy presence lingering about was abruptly lifted from the air when Uriel whispered into the edge of his coat but stayed motionless where she was, unwilling and not ready to pull away just yet. Mourning is always easier with a companion. For just a second Nathaniel could've sworn he saw something… someone… move out of the corner of his eye but just as suddenly as they appeared, they were gone. It was most likely nothing. Just a fleeting trick of his imagination. Nathaniel rested his chin on top of Uriel's head and closed his eyes, listening to the wind blowing gently overhead and to her heart beating right next to his own. Two different rhythms that seemed the same. He didn't wish to leave just yet either. Luckily, he didn't have to. There was no need for hurry. It was still the middle of the night. No one will see them here, vulnerable and weak, slowly mending their broken hearts from the pieces.

They still had time…

_________________________________________

Bear with me, I just wanted those sad dorks to lift each other's spirits up. It's not my fault that I'm so trash 😂

At least I drew Nathaniel properly, as I promised :P

Darksiders Inktober drawing prompts by @imagine-darksiders

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edriel-nacario · 4 years

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"Hope, is about getting another dose of inspiration from oneself"

---.1.13.2020.---

"WHO ARE YOU?” is not just that if, we sore higher. It is about, how you become yourself. It's about telling a journey on a gist of one's reminiscence. What keeps you moving, what do you want--- who you aspire to be? Into what extent are you willing to do, to make things right as you dreamt of it being you, by having and reaching it? Be brave enough to conquer. And prepare to unravel your own kind of puzzle.

We may not be able to reflect that deeply how blessed we are for the life He bestowed us, also, having the best parents we could ever had in our own perspectives as they meld you growing up. What matters more is that genuine happiness we gain from playing, watching and being with friends. Seeing things no harm, not a problem at all.

LATER ON, is when we build industry with other people or the immaturity of making yourself Superior to others. But still, you don't see it. Of course. You are just a few steps away from being an empty vessel. And it's not your fault, it's normal. The short temper, misunderstanding and selfishness you possess is just a sign that you are one in a million that is about to bloom, little by little.

Swayed by everything that the universe has to offer, wanting and wishing to experience such things that we believe can make us better, that we think can make us compose our vision and is substantial for the path we start thinking to go through. We're in fact a zero visibility path as you continue searching for more opportunities. Lots of options having no choice or even a selection of what to keep in mind and tracked down.

And, oh! Now, you are creating another dimension in mind. Elusively looking who really I am going to be, isn't it to be a teacher, a police, a doctor etc., and so, I have to reason out. Get confused. Change your mind minute by minute, by hour, a day or for how long? Keeping it your aspiration for a year or two and then, truth slapped the voice out on your brain and make you move. Change it. Hold or choose another? Go on. Life is the only constant thing in the world, indeed, our minds too. Deceiving eyes and unnamed decision puts you to your own kind of delusions.

CULTURE SHOCK, as we stepped on the higher grounds. New people, bigger surroundings and bulk of data to be loaded on. Learning how to do camouflage, to keep and change thoroughly as we perceive our own perceptions from the others' POV. You go and fail. Keep on trying.

Blinded by the things you think the best for you because of the fire in you, magnetized by the feeling that it gives you contentment. But, try to hold back, don't be excited to whatever you see and comes. It might take you wrong. Not limited by anyone but you, decide hypothetically.

Short termed set of companion (which we believed is for lifetime) over greater pick of persons to trust and tell. One wrong move and you'll be a stranger, wishing you never said a thing. Be wise, don't boast.

If you got mad, try to understand. If you does something bad, try to say sorry. If you feel insecure, don't blame others. Make yourself better with their help and don't think to isolate yourself and get even. It's not healthy after all, every bad thoughts inside you will be sooner or later replaced by acceptance. I promise!

Different level of understanding and level of sensitivity.

FOOLED BY someone who made you believe love won't hurt, but it does? It's a very tricky lesson to be taken care off, smoothly. But love doesn't hurt, what hurts you is the person who leaves and the thought that we can't accept what happened. One thing's for sure, you'll do understand, but it takes time.

It's not bad to be mad, to feel sad or anything. Whenever we feel our emotions getting into every part of ourselves, be it. Bind with the rhythm it sends you. It'll make you feel better but don't deal with it for so long. Don't be hypocrate and in denial. Because, the more we repress it the more agony it gives us, right? If you feel like crying, then cry. You may be weak for a moment but try to leave worries and hurt feelings behind. Stand again with your head held higher as you became stronger.

GOING HIGHER once more. Another battle ground. Life changing. Another chance to change, to grow and appropriately learn how to use your different kind of mask in order to get other people's approval, appraisal and affection which builds up the best in you in terms of your personality and self-esteem.

Even if you are not seeking for those things, be demure and mature enough or be bold and voice out ACCORDINGLY. It's another way of being yourself. Being real.

WHEN HARDSHIPS instill success. Just like keeping our mouth shut instead of cursing about our triumphs in the making. Smile and keep going, as humanity either see or don't appreciate your hard works. Mind your own.

Fighting without YOU inside you is like going somewhere else blindfolded. But with people who are capable of believing and seeing the best in you will be there, it is when failures becomes your greatest experience and conquer becomes worth it. And for those who don't like you, see them as an inspiration and not someone you have to revenge or get even, when time comes.

ALONG THE way, you'll meet somebody to teach you in any 'impossible' ways. It is also one's duty to see what those lessons are, what are they for and how much it'll means to you, for every other circumstances that is about to say 'Hey we meet again!', along the way. Maybe not now, but soon.

If, everything restarted as another paragraph of your life unfolds. Don't dwell on your past. Nothing has to hold you back. Keep in mind, those are the biggest part of who you are, now. Okay? It says that this paragraph is where you need to start making 'another' best part of you.

It's when even achievements, celebration and surprises doesn't matter, seeing yourself smiling but not genuinely happy is not a total threat. When, fame and fighting is replaced by silence, understanding, forgiving and giving. Wishing that you can go back on your childhood. To play, act and sleep like a child instead of studying, working and do some cunning sacrifices in your life. 'These are another realizations, part of your grown up transition'. That, at the end of the day, you will choose to be happy, continue life and is thankful that we have our loved ones beside us, we can provide what we need, we have a good health, is when it feels complete.

MANY ARE trapped there, in the midst of holding back and regressions. But, we have to settle ourselves and be back again with the reality. Not from the shadow that already fade off. Seek for a wonderful world ahead. It's your choice to make, if you'll be left behind or not. Happiness is still a choice.

Make this belief a myth: Growing up and maturity makes our life miserable and sad, please! It's your choice to have no choice.

BE MINDFUL of the things you used to believe when you started. Your dreams, your family and the world that is waiting on what you can offer. One way or another, a ray of sun will touch your heart.

Reflect and tell yourself, your childhood story up to now. See! You've come so far. Be inspired by you and keep going.

TO EVERYONE, may I say, He loves you! You are worth it. There's always a reason why you are here. Let go of your insecurities, hatred and cruelty. Choose joy over anything. Life is short, don't put effort thinking about the things that burns you out. No doubts, just trust Him!

#writing #inspirationalthoughts #hopeful

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forkanna · 6 years

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NOTE: Rated T for Teen. Will contain occasional nigh-NSFW moments, including sensuality and mild gore, but nothing out of place in a PG or PG-13 movie. TRIGGER WARNING: there will be some racism and an attempted sexual assault in later chapters. See below for more notes!

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

Unlimited Together, we're unlimited Together, we'll be the greatest team there's ever been, Glinda - Dreams, the way we planned 'em If we work in tandem There's no fight we cannot win

Just you and I defying gravity With you and I defying gravity They'll never bring us down...

CHAPTER ONE

"Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do! Together…"

Time dragged to a standstill as poor, bewildered Glinda-née-Galinda Upland stood somewhere she definitely shouldn't be, riddled with indecision. Never had Elphaba Thropp looked at her with such intensity, such desperation in her eyes. No one in all the land of Oz had! Not Fiyero, nor any other classmate, nor Elphaba herself before today. Even during those classes at the university in which she had spoken so passionately about the mistreatment of sentient Animals, she had not seemed so… fervential? Was that a word?

And here she was, hoping to enlist her help in this cause. Was she out of her tiny verdant mind?!

"Elphaba… I…" Her throat worked to swallow as she glanced between the barricaded attic door and the brilliantly green hand clutching the broom handle. Wind seemed to come from nowhere, swirling around them and blowing the long strands of raven-black hair around her strong jawline. Now she had to turn her eyes away from those of her roommate, which she could no longer meet; too much intensity that made her stomach feel strange. Then again, Elphaba's intensity had always done that to pretty much everyone she met.

"Well?" the newly-awakened wizardess demanded of her. "Are you coming?"

What a crazy notion! How brazen, how reckless! She couldn't simply uproot and follow on Elphaba's heels. How could she? Her entire life was at Shiz University; her classes, hopes for a brilliant future in sorcery. Following that, a modern, Ozmopolitan life, and the prospect of becoming more than just another tittering debutante, beholden to her family name. Friends, admirers…

Fiyero…

"Elphie, you're trembling." Was she coming? Casting around for some kind of distraction, she found a large black cloak discarded upon the floor. At least it matched her hat. "Here, put this around you…"

As Glinda fastened it around her friend's bony shoulders, heart aching from the prospect of losing one of her dearest companions in such a ridiculous way as this, she decided: no, she could not go with her. Of course, she had great respect for the sentient Animals of Oz — the deposed Dr. Dillamond especially. They were every bit as important as the human persons that she attended Shiz with. Why shouldn't they be? They could walk, and talk, and exchange ideas the same as anyone else.

At least, they could. A recent shift in tense from present to past. Catching and caging them was a deplorable idea, and she had been equally sickened by that class in which they were forced to look at the Lion in its prison, presented as a spectacle instead of a person. The Wizard and Madame Morrible should be ashamed!

But Elphaba truly was taking things too far. Some things simply defied her understanding. All of this fuss, over sticking a few pairs of wings on a few monkeys?! Her unsociable roommate could be mistaken, after all; perhaps the Wizard had simply flipped to the wrong page in the Grimmerie before handing it to her. It needn't be his fault, not necessarily. Didn't the great leader of their entire Land of Oz get any benefit of a doubt? And what was so awful about monkeys having wings? Wouldn't that only improve their lives? She herself wouldn't mind having a set, being able to soar above the clouds…

"GLINDA!"

Rousing herself from her introspection, she took a step forward. Perhaps she had taken too long to contemplate; they didn't have the luxury of time on their side. In the end, of course, it was mostly the thought of the lean, masculine Fiyero and his easy charm that prompted her to tell Elphaba what she must tell her. But she needn't be harsh about it; she could break the news to her gently, with the warmth of their friendship and a wish for her future. She deserved that much.

"Oh, Elphie…" A hand laid on the one holding the broom, causing Elphaba to blink at her in surprise. "I hope-"

There came more pounding at the door. Elphaba's emerald eyes flicked toward it, then back to her in a wild panic as a gruff voice on the other side barked, "Break it down! For His Ozness!"

Cursing under her breath, the black-clad girl straddled the broom, the Wizard's spellbook still tucked under her arm as she bade her, "Get on! There isn't time — we can discuss this later!"

"Wh-what?! We can't, surely they wouldn't truly-"

Her words were eclipsed by the sound of wood splintering. Apparently, they surely, truly would.

"Galinda, it's do or die! Get on this broom now!"

Do or die. They wouldn't use deadly force… would they?

The attic door suggested otherwise.

Before she knew what was happening, Glinda was on the back of a broom, arms looped around Elphaba's waist. They were already rising into the air before her mind caught up with her body, and she squeaked, "Wait!"

In vain. The guards were nearly within arm's reach of them when Elphaba rose above their heads, cackling madly at the feeling. Glinda was too terrified to share in her joy at the sensation of flight, but in the back of her mind, she knew it was one of the most exhilarating experiences she'd ever had in her lifetime. With an effort of will, they were shooting toward a large stained glass window on the Western wall.

"ELPHIE, LOOK OUT!"

But she needn't have bothered shouting; making things explode was something at which her green-hued classmate had always excelled, even before classes helped her hone the magic within her. Amid a shower of breaking glass, the two exited the Royal Palace.

Soon, the Emerald City was laid out below them, sparkling and majestic. Glinda caught her breath. Every street and every spire reflected the sunlight, dazzling her eyes as they hung in midair. Had any of her fellow Ozians ever seen this? Had they been so lucky?

"I don't know where to go now," Elphaba confessed, frantic voice intruding on Glinda's reverie. "Back to Shiz? Do we… should we get Nessa, or Fiyer-"

"NO!" When Elphaba twisted around to look at her, strong, severe features mildly surprised underneath the brim of the large black hat, Glinda shrank back from the stare as she added, "We… don't have the right to drag them into our sensationifical mistake! This is something we've done, we…" Her face went completely ashen. "We're criminals. You are, and I'm your accomplice, and…"

Setting her proud jaw, Elphaba turned back around and gazed down at the ground, at the guards amassing in the streets, though they had no hope of catching the two women suspended at such a height. Eventually, her eyes slid closed in shame. This was a deeper look of pain than she had ever seen in her roommate's forestful features, which looked yet greener due to the twinkling emeralds that lit up the cityscape below. But she did not speak on that matter.

Elphie looks so phosphorescent in the sunlight, she suddenly noticed. Though that thought seemed to come from nowhere.

"We'll go to my home, to my father. They won't think to look there right away, and then…"

"And then?"

"And then… I don't know."

Glinda swallowed hard as she tightened her hold on Elphaba, the vertigo finally catching up to her adrenaline-soaked brain. "Th-then maybe we'll drop in on my family? Or… well, we'll just have to think about that later, I suppose. But yes, let's go see your father, and hope that he doesn't… turn us away."

"I'll head West first," Elphaba said, even as the broom tilted in that direction. "To confuse them, and then North until we're past Shiz, and then back East to Munchkinland. Might save us having any unpleasant surprise visits, at least for a while."

"A better plan than I had, which was 'say you're sorry'. Don't think that would work now."

"Probably not, but… oh, let's just be rid of this place!"

And without another word, Elphaba shot off toward the lowering sun, gliding over the tall skyscrapers, the gorgeous palaces and museums. Ones Glinda was terrified she would never see again.

~ o ~

The Coven Of Oz

A Canon Divergence in Three Parts By Jessica X

~ o ~

Only once they had made good their escape and circled the Emerald City and its environs by a wide berth did either of them speak. It was Elphaba, turning in her seat to make herself more easily heard. Her voice was hoarse from the earlier shouting, and perhaps with grief, but Glinda didn't want to assume anything.

"Before we left, you were going to say something."

"What?" Glinda whispered, then cleared her throat and repeated it louder, so as to be heard over the sounds of rushing wind. "What?"

"You… were going to tell me you didn't want to come."

Her heart seized. "Oh. Well… please, Elphaba, try to understand… it's not that I-"

"No, no. You had every right not to… follow me on this dangerous crusade. I'd think you a coward, but not a fool; I'm the fool." Her body became more and more tense, which was impossible for Glinda not to notice due to their close proximity. "The Wizard, Madame Morrible, and the entirety of the Ozian military… they're all intent on the suppression of Animal rights, and here I am, thinking any good and decent citizen of Oz should want to band together to stop it! They should, if they have a damn conscience, but they…"

Some time went by with the wind whipping at their faces before Glinda prompted in a soft voice, "They?"

"They have something to lose. I do not. I'm just a hideous green bean with a weird trick or two up my sleeve — unlike them, who all have family and reputations to protect."

"Hmm… that is true." Wincing at how that had come across, Glinda hastily added, "About them, not you, obviously! Because you do have a family, right? And… and a couple of friends, at least. And you're not hideous, just perhaps… deciduous!"

The hands tightened on the broom as she growled, "Why was I put in this position? All I've ever wanted was to… work with the Wizard, ask him to guide me, and maybe…" Her voice had grown more and more embarrassed, and she finally fell silent again. "Nevermind. I'm just a romantic idiot. And he's just a charlatan. Maybe we really were made for each other from the beginning. A couple of bumble-brains."

In all of those words, Glinda heard something unsaid, as she was so used to searching for when her roommate spoke. An apology. The antisocial thing had been so opposed to interaction in the first place, and only through steady insistence from her — and from Elphie's sister, Nessarose — did she begin to blossom from her tightly-clenched bud. Of course, she still preferred isolation and study, but at least they had begun to get her to attend various social activities, to travel all the way to Emerald City, even if only for one short day. There had to be some room left for understanding her idiosyncrasies.

"Aww, Elphie…" How could she word this? "It isn't that I didn't want to come with you, alright? I admire your stance, your zeal! You've got a moxieness when it comes to Animals, and I think you have a chance to do some real good in this world! Or did have, anyway… I just… your cause is not my cause, you know? So it wasn't about you, it was… a difference in interests! Does that make sense?"

After a moment to mull that over, she more felt than heard Elphaba sigh. "It does. I'm… you're right, and I should have waited to listen to you instead of pushing you to join me."

"Too late now," she muttered.

"It is."

"Oh, no, I- that isn't how I meant- I don't blame-"

"You should; you have every right. I let my fury at how the Wizard tricked me make me forget that you were there, and that you were with me. That my actions would reflect badly on you, as well. That was selfish." Another sigh, louder, more stunned. "Wow… I've completely ruined your life."

"What?! Come on, Elphie, don't be so dramatical. Nothing's 'ruined', we just have to… okay, I don't know exactly what we 'have to', but there's a thing we have to do to make this right, and we'll figure out what it is! Together!"

"But you shouldn't…" Shaking her head back and forth, she admitted, "Guess it doesn't matter anymore. Let's just figure out where we're going and what we're doing right now, and the rest of it later."

Nodding, Glinda pressed her face into Elphaba's back. Her warmth was becoming more and more necessary, with the chill wind pulling her own body heat away. That was odd; given how cold and standoffish the woman had been during their year at the university, she would never have guessed she had any heat at all. Like the reptiles she resembled with that green skin and those sharp features. A pleasant surprise, especially in such a time of need.

And that's how things will be for a while, she admitted to herself as their speed increased, skimming them over treetops. Until we get this all straightened out, we're going to need to stick together, whether we like it or not. Just hope we don't end up hating each other before it's all said and done. Not two best friends like us. Wouldn't that be an awfully tragic tragedy?

To Be Continued…

#The Coven of Oz #wicked fanfiction #the wizard of oz #the wicked years #gelphie #wizard of oz #forkanna writes #halloween fanfiction #forkanna the writer

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