#so now im gonna like. figure it oht.

[transbee]

Ok. No More MRI.

#cancelled ❌❌ because my insurance decided it wouldnt be covered ·_· #so now im gonna like. figure it oht. #ig #one of the nice docs called n explained it so we might get an emg instead. hell of a lot cheaper so. #wait this post got cancelled half way thru. draft has been sitting open for hours idk who was talking abt what but i am going to take a nap #gbye

[iggykoopa666]

im so tired of being scared every waking moment of the day why did i have to start having medical issues within a year of moving out oht why couldnt it have been back when everything was consistent and the same. i keep documenting because i want to find out what it is so it can stop but its so hard to figure out the cause when literally everything about my life has changed !!!!!!! it could be anything!!!!!! is it my diet? i dont know my diet has changed a lot. is it sinuses? i dont know what im allergic to and i live somewhere different now so its not as predictable as before. is it the water i drink? thats different too. is it weed? evidence so far points to no but what do i know!! is it migraines? well probably not anymore because 2 different meds i was prescribed didnt help. is it the weather? probably not. is it my period? doubtful. is it whatever else? is it this or that? brain tumor? stroke? blood tests came back normal so im not prediabetic. im getting more vitamin d lately too so not that. medical paranoia making me want to kms. i felt like my life was finally going well and everyone was commenting on how happy i seemed but now im just scared and paranoid near constantly. i worry its gonna be like this forever. i worry im gonna always have this pain forever. im gonna keep going to the doctor. were gonna replace the filter in the air vents incase theyre like super gross and thats somehow whats causing it. all i can do is wait and see what happens. im so tired and scared. its one of those things that google doesnt help either because its either "you have migraines or a brain tumor" neither of which are helpful and one which is actively harmful to my state of mind. i have to keep telling myself "well it hasnt killed me yet so it cant be that bad" because thats the only thing keeping me sane

[pepprs]

FUCK!!!!!!!!! tag vent sorry

#god. GOD!!!! this is so hard. i need to figure something out. i need to. i cant keep doing 3 jobs. i literally cant or i’ll die. and one of #them is my whole life and im locked in and wojld meber leave kt but. god i need to figure out which of the other 2 im cutting. and its hard #the graphic design job is... the one ive been @ the longest and my fav thing abt it is the people but so many of my coworkers r graduating #and also i like being able 2 do art and fall in2 a routine but im getting burned oht and i can feel it and when my friends leave its gonna #make me even less motivated! and then the other one... started as graphic design and then i got promoted against my will and now im in #charge of communications fr the whole thing and i hated it and was so overwhelmed w the responsibility ad still kinda am and its sluggish #sometimes. but then a rly close friend of mine joined as my right hand person basically and . he’s like one of the best ppl ive ever met and #yeah im still overwhelmed and this is stressful and even painful sometimes. but wjen he and i come up w an idea? when we connect? its #beautiul! we make such a good team and we’re doijg really brave and important stuff trying 2 heal the organizatkon and . how can i leave him #and all of this that we’ve just now started doing when theres so much left 2 do. and so im stuck. #i never ever tjought there would even be a choice btween the 2 u know. and i feel so bad bc we’re already hiring 4 new designers and #i dont want 2 cause more trouble ad suddenly leave... ALSO im going abtoad next spring so i wouldnt b able 2 stay anyways for anything u kno #and idk how thats gonna fuck things up and AHHHH my life is fallin apart. but i dont know what to do. i need 2 talk 2 * and * abt this LOL #purrs