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iloknalem · 9 months

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The church bell rang again today

As it always has, the church in front of my apartment rings its bells every Sunday, without fail, at 9.45 am, for 5-7 minutes. Just the perfect duration to make a half boiled egg.

The church. It used to be so overcrowded, they built another church around one kilometre apart at the end of the 19th century. Nowadays, both of them doesn't even do weekly mass anymore. Seems like people would fall out of love for religion after the reality of 2 devastating wars hits in. I cant imagine the hopelessness those people felt, when the rock they stood on was unceremoniously swept away from under their feet.

But this is not a lesson about hopelessness. What caught me pondering was the guy ringing the bell. The church also rings at different hours of any other day, just a short ring, around 30 seconds.

I assume the guy must just be someone appointed by the catholic organisation, or whatever they call it, to maybe do the upkeep of the church and whatnot. Just another cog in the going-down-in-popularity-machine called catholicism. An honest man in the system, just doing his job, a symbolic job of what used to be the cornerstone of peoples life, nowadays only done for formalities. A function, stripped of its significance— shortly said, its useless

Nobody comes anymore to the church, the bell is just a noise polution at this point. The Germans are pretty stingy about noise on Sundays, and yet here they are, ringing their old bells again,

and now i wonder, how does he feel about his job. I used to be someone who thinks that everything needs to have its own purposes, its destiny, its contribution to the society. This job looked pretty useless to me, it lacks any real meaning nor purpose. I thought, if i was the man tasked to ring the bells, i wouldn't be happy with what i do— i wouldn't be content with my life.

The closest comparison might be the legend of Sisyphus. After 2 times eluding his fate to die, he was punished to roll a boulder to the top of the hill, and watch it rolls back down, endlessly. A completely, useless, destiny i must say. And yet here we are, in life, facing the same reality in one way or another.

Some of us maybe are said to have been lucky, to have found "find the meaning of the universe", to maybe work in their dream job, have a dream family, fulfill their destiny for the world.

And yet, i think those kinds of wishful thinking, the "expectations" of a perfect life and their understanding of it, potrayed in social media, in our society, is just a naive way to give purpose in this funny game we play called life. Its just religion 2.0, its there to give comfort, to justify that everything we do have its own meaning in the grand scheme of things, or to simply give that push to wake up in the morning and do our day-to-day duties. A sense of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, whatever you want to call it. A normalized addiction.

At this point, you might think i would go all nihilistic to say that life is meaningless, and therefore theres no point in justifiying the meaning of what we do. I dont think its like that.

I do think theres a reason on why things are. Reasons, for why stars shine, why water flows, and why the world revolves. Yet, our understanding, or in this case our lack of understanding, underlines the puniness of human nature, how small and insignificant we are. These humbling factors, we need to acknowledge them first to understand, to realize our inability to parse the meaning of life.

Theres still a lot of things that we still dont know, a lot of things we need to sit on, discuss about, and figure out together something other than "42". This, gap, between our teeny tiny minds and the meaning itself, some people call it the absurd— the absurdity of life. Theres still a long way to go, and i dont think were gonna get the answer in our lifetime, at least not mine. Until i die, i wouldnt get the answer of why my coffee spilled this morning, or why i needed to get through a lot of hardships, too much so that it seems comical, that i think someone is voodooing me. I mean, i know why i spilled my coffee, thats because i tripped on my table, but i will never know the reasoning behind it, in the grand scheme of things.

To try to find the meaning of everything is to embark on an endless journey that often leads to more confusion than clarity, It is futile. It's more liberating to accept that some things might remain enigmatic, allowing us to appreciate life's mysteries without being weighed down by the relentless pursuit of meaning.

There are a lot of solutions for this "problem" we have, which is our nature to seek reasoning, and the overbearing non definitive meaning of life. Some seek to find their own meaning for themselves, some threw all reasons and morals out of the window. Some find comfort in accepting their insignificance and prefer to not live at all. None of them are wrong i must say.

For me, I think that I must try to confront the absurd, to not give in to the situations and conditions we are given, as we are free to do what we want, to be where we want to be, as long as you want to challenge life itself. This part, im still figuring out on what to say about it, its still a journey for me.

One must imagine that sisyphus is happy, that he's content with what he does fully knowing that what hes doing is absurd, for the struggle itself is enough to fill one man's heart. One must not question the reason, and just embrace the happy things in life, the lofty goals we make, the stupid obstacles we find, the sorrows we endure, to laugh, to learn, to love, and therefore to live. Life is absurd, and thats okay.

And therefore i conclude that the bell guy has a chance, and might have found happiness too in doing what he does. I hope he does.

To not be a slave of destiny is the way to live, and thats how i want my attitude on life to be. Its going to be my own adventure on challenging the absurd, and im going to define how it will be as much as i can. Obstacles are going to come and go, and theres no deeper meaning in it other than to learn from it and to embrace it —to embrace the absurd.

#sisyphus #absurdism #albert camus

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dahniwitchoflight · 3 years

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Airy Thoughts about Heirs and Gender

That kind of always has been John’s modus operandi when it comes to dealing with problems though hasn’t it?

Eveen waaaaay back in the beginning when John totally pushed it out of his mind that his dad was actually just a normal business man and not obsessed with clowns, that it was actually John who was obsessed with clowns, and jokes and pranking, thats always been how he deals with stuff he doesn’t like

Ignore it, make it not real, don’t acknowledge it, compartmentalize it, heck, joke about it, do pranks, make it silly, make it lighter, try to lessen the seriousness of it all

John has ZERO skill when it comes to actually dealing with perceived negativity in any sense, always been very reliant on basically his Aspect’s traits to solve problems for him

and now its becomes so bad, thats hes on the edge of having a full blown dissociation disorder about it

(I wonder actually if being too reliant on what’s been given to you on your plate already is a trait overall for Heirs or Those Who Inherit? It fits well with my previous idea of Heirs notable for being stuck in ruts, but it seems the true train of thought here, is that Heirs basically are caught in a pre-determined state, the lines have been drawn around them, their plates have been served, and they have to deal with what’s given to them, and as a result, have ZERO ability to handle situations that their pre-equipped toolset cannot deal with)

definitely an area where Heirs are prone to overembracing, when they become so, reliant on their pre-existing toolset, that they become unable to change things ups, see things differently, handle different problems

There’s an element of priveledged behavior here that clearer to me now, people who Inherit their wealth have no idea what it’s like to work for it or earn it themselves

and now isn’t THAT a connection to Maid and Heir?

this is where you could spin Heir as someone who starts out having no idea how to create something new and having to forcibly learn that

I could see someone creating a Maid/Heir argument for this

but then the problems arise of “how is that different from the Maid’s arc of also having to learn to take what was given them and start making anew what they want”

and the biggest hurdle to Creation Heir: Heir is not a feminine associated class

and the reason this matters, is if creation doesn’t have to be feminine associated, then masculinity gets the lion’s share of creation and destruction in Homestuck overall, and that feels like favoring masculinity too much, especially with how much Creation and Destruction as concepts are overvalued over the other aspects by far, it’s tilting it too far in one direction, when these Red and Green concept should spiral Equal (theoretically)

its out of step with how Creation and Destruction have been shown to be thus far

BUT

All of this was how things went down for me, back before June Egbert became a thing

So, in reading this, and with having the knowledge June might actually be a girl (maybe, Hussie said so, but thus far have yet to see anything from John in canon)

is that enough to make “Heir” feminine associated overall? moreso than other feminine associated classes like Maid/Sylph/Witch? Enough to be a strong enough pair to the Maid over Sylph? Two words that can literally mean “Girl”

Equius and Mituna still exist, what does that say about them? Is the background joke of Equius in a Maid outfit starting to actually become relevant?

who knows, but, It’s bringing up interesting questions I think, for me at least

John is the Main of Main Characters, versus Equius being background and Void aspected and Mituna being essentially non-existant, is that enough to balance out importance wise of who really gets to define what being an Heir means?

is it distateful to call being Spoiled an essentially feminine associated trait, if it’s balanced out by Maids being hardworking (or Servile..?) as opposed to a royally spoiled Prince and silly clown Bard?

better question, are these questions about gender things that Hussie never actually thought that deep enough about, so theres threads of things that could work, but end up falling apart in practice, revealing biases unfortunately baked into the system itself

cuz its like this: if Sylph/Maid is the females creation classes, its making sure girls vs boys in the grand scheme of things is equal, but that’s kind of going with the quid pro quo of masculine destruction/female creation thats baked into homestuck from the start, which is likely just the result in the authors inherent bias. Is that a net good? or a net bad? kind of unsure

if creation doesn’t have to be female, the idea that we should just be able to do away with the idea of gendered classes entirely is a thing, which is good in its own context, unfortunately leaves things with a different unfortunate gendered bias, where masculinity gets all the good shit and importance and feminine associations get sidelined and its unequal again, is this a better or worse way of seeing things? if male just happens to get the lions share of cool stuff, does it mean we can ignore gendered classes altogether, or is that exacerbating the problem with gendered classes to begin with

if a class that so far, hasnt had any traits associated with either masculinity or femininity (kind of a lie with Heirs being unusually good at the “mangrit” stat) gets strongly associated with femininity via one main character, is that enough to tip the scales and make things balanced again?

(is the above perhaps just a beautiful metaphor for the question of said characters eventual transition?)

(yknow, if that actually happens in canon, and gets explored by John/June at some point, and doesnt just die as an author word of god background fun fact..)

basically, Ive been wondering exactly how much the who gendered association of classes in homestuck should matter, but more importantly, how much it’s already affecting

would it be a good step to make Heir/Maid a creation pair? or is that just making a small problem bigger

tl;dr basically if Hussie makes it clear in canon that June Egbert has been a girl/dealing with a gender struggle all along in the way that they always have done by trying to downplay/ignore/compartmentalize it then yeah, Heir Maid gets a lot stronger legs to me, purely for the character symbolism of it all and the great message that would say about the gender construct of homestuck overall

but

if John Egbert remains the status quo, if Hussie never actually intended John to transition, if it never gets brought up in any way other than the authors saying out of the workd “I said so” Heir Maid as creation just doesn’t work without that Transition metaphor, so it fallbacks to the traditionally neutral Sylph/Maid as creation oriented

though, there’s also the fun question of what if through change of the characters themselves, their classes change with them? So through the power of Main Character June changes the associated traits Heir has overall OR stops being an Heir and gets a different class, both would be equally cool transition metaphors (which ironically would just reinforce Heir as a class of Change/Transmutation overall but lol)

#John Egbert #June Egbert #Heir Class #homestuck #Sometimes I wonder if Im giving too much or not enough credit to Hussie when it comes to gender stuff

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chemiste · 4 years

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Voicemail. ~part 2~

a/n : you want it? go get it! heres the second part to voicemail!! I’m thinking a 3rd and final part for this??? if y’all want it tell me! ALSO I’ve linked what the reader is wearing and maybe what others are too so if you see a link thats what it is. also wanted to say thank you so much for the support on this one shot!! i would put those big eye emojis but im typing on a laptop and i dont think O.O is the same....

first part!!!! go read

mah masterlist

“Next on the red carpet is singer/song writer Y/N L/N, wow look at that beautiful dress!! This year at the Grammys she is up for 3 awards, Song of the Year, Best Dance Recording, and Best Solo Pop Artist!”

The interviewer exclaimed excitedly from her podium along side the paparazzi wall. It had been a week since the songs were let out for the world and so there was definitely an electricity in the air at the awards ceremony.

“All you fans are probably watching for the most anticipated performances of tonight! Harry Styles will be singing one of his new songs from his album FineLine! Twitter is going ballistic from the recently leaked songs about is break up with L/N, we all know the cameras will be on her tonight whenever he’s mentioned! Oh look, here she comes now!”

You walked over in your beautiful award dress, safe to say you were the best dress star there. Your hair was done up and the red long dress seemed to flow around you effortlessly as you walked.

“Hello Diane, it’s lovely to see you again.”

You said in a polite voice, smiling to her and the camera, she handed you an extra mic, ready to drown you with questions.

“I’m going to cut to the chase— did you listen to the songs?”

Wow, this lady’s cut throat I’ll give her that.

“Oh yes! I’ve listened to all the albums nominated this year and I’m so excited.”

“Oh I was talking about—“

“I’m so incredibly grateful for the nominations, I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this album and I’m glad the fans love it as much as I do.”

You could see the Diane deflate a little, understanding you’d keep dodging questions about Harry until it was over so she moved on.

“Yes, you’re nominated for Best Dance Recording, the music video for your song Clouds was crazy! How long did it take you to figure out how to dance while flying?!”

You laughed, thinking back to the many rehearsals of choreography on the ground and then being connected to cables and hoisted into the air to perform it.

“A girl never tells her secrets,” you said with a wink.

“Well speaking of flying in a music video, I know one performance tonight will be—“

Cheers and hysteric screaming filled the fan area as someone came on to the carpet.

“Is that? Oh look, Harry Styles enters the stage in a—, my goodness! You and him are matching!”

You couldn’t believe it.

Harry was decked out in a full red suit, hair beautifully fluffed and glimmering in the light. He had red heels that looked like Dorthy’s slippers.

And he had the faintest amount of red lipstick on, making him look like an ethereal being in red.

“Wow, we really are matching.”

You mumbled to yourself, half forgetting you were being filmed.

You turned back to the camera the moment you remembered, making your face emotionless so hopefully the interviewer wouldn’t pick up on your thoughts at the moment.

You quickly thanked her and slipped off into the sea of celebrities, hearing his voice ‘hello love! So happy you could come’ to the fans hoping he would give them a signature.

You entered the award room, looking for your assigned seat. Luckily you were strangely one of the only people in there aside from a few techies working on the stage lights.

“Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Billie Elish, Kahild… Harry….”

You gasped, basically scoffing at what you saw next.

“Y/N L/N? Are you fucking kidding me?!”

You started to breathe a little faster, “Oh god, I don’t think I can do a whole ceremony next to him, after the whole thing online… and not responding to his texts.”

It’s true, when he had texted you that morning, it took you 5 hours and a shot of tequila to actually open his messages.