#so im tryna start getting used to waking up before 8 again and just having my week days be taken up with work

[nuggetgetsskinny]

Oh hey

It’s been a while. I just read through my whole blog a little update for future me and the fewer people that are still lingering around, im 18 in 50 days, so yeah.. i’ve been on my own for a long time. So this whole thing originally was going to be me losing weight, well it didn’t really go as planned, i am now at my heaviest that i’ve ever been which would be around 100kg aka around 220lbs. Remember that guy who cheated on me w a 14 yr old? Yeah well last summer we went into another relationship and he said loud n proud “ yeah i prefer skinny girls over you, but i still love you as you are” fucking pig. He was horrible and abusive. I adopted a kitten that i named Hana (blossom) and i broke up w my ex a month after that, as in september. I haven’t been in a relationship since. I did fuck a friend but sadly it was nothinf other then a one nighr stand. Hana turned 1 on the 4th of June, she really saved my life, she’s always there for me when i have panic attacks and she is very attached to me as i am to her. I have streched ears now, more piercings, 3mm septum, bleached hair, gray ish. I have alot of tattoos and scars. I’ve been eating like shit ever since the “ i prefer skinny” incident so yes, my anorexia turned into a binge eating disorder. Over a week ago i met some random lady who turned out to be Tiinas friend( Tiina- my friend of 7 years and im living at hers for the summer) she pulled me to the side n said “ i hope it isn’t rude, but were you skinnier before? Like you have huge strechmarks” NICE VERY GREAT THANK YOU FOR POINTING IT OUT MISS MA’AM. She also casually shot amphetamine when we went over to hers. Anyway with love there really isn’t much, besides Daniel, i really loved him, and i still do, he is my type, but the relationship between us is complicated n weird since he lives in Sweden. So we’re sticking as friends, we’ve known eachother for 8 months now. I met this other guy at the beach while drinking w my friends, his friends were cool and i sent Tiina to the club to go find him and get his info for me, gotta take my chances, i want to move on, i want to feel less alone. My depression has gotten worse, ADHD is even worse, I have BPD and i might be schizophrenic. Im doing great as you see. Im making music tho, so i guess that’s good. I saw my dad over 4 months a few months ago, it was nice. Calling the cps on my mom next monday, long story, but shems 37->38 and her boyfriend is 18->19, fucking nasty, we stopped talking and i blocked them both because my mum is a drunk( so is he) and he said he wanted a threesome( FUCKING NASTY) and mum said “ stop the bullshit “ apparently non of em remember it so they framed me into a liar. Ofcourse knowing their place in this town, nobody belives em. Shit’s barely going theese days, OH I WAS ALSO A DRUG ADDICT LAST SUMMER, yeeeaaa that shit was crazy. But im better now. I feel so guilty whenever im being touched by a guy, because i’ve been getting flashbacks of my abusive ex tryna rape me on his birthday 🙂👍. I feel that im unworthy of love. Im useless and worthless, i don’t know it’s such utter bullshit, but something clicked in me today, im falling back into old habits so i’ll be restricting again. I can’t belive this shit has been going in for 3,5 years now. Unreal. Tiinas fiance just woke up, oh also i had a simp at some point who paid me 450 per month and i managed to get a 1100€ laptop and i bought an iphone X, im startinf a job at the local pub on monday so id be able to buy a Nintendo Switch for my birthday, im so excited i really want it. I also want to get my nipples pierced. I don’t know what else to say, all my exes have new gfs, im starting to pay more attention to my weight again, but we all know how it’s gon go, i’ll weigh myself when i wake up, so then i’ll be able to keep track every weekend. Sayonara for now

[brothalynchhung]

2019 overview.

this year.. was fucking two years in one. also a little late again but whatever. this is going to be long as FUCK. 

started 2019 in dubai

spent the first couple of days in Dubai on the beach

YOOO AS AM WRITING THAT IT FEELS SO FUCKING LONG AGO HOLLYY SHITT

went to London and just fucked around dt and chinatown lost that damn snake ring fml

I got drunk eating dumplings watching Jeffrey star in that bed LMFAOOOYOO LMFAOOOOOEGJEORIGHSREUG

got back to Ottawa and it was straight GRIND from the get go

back to my last semester of uni 

back to club m (omg.. I miss:( kinda lol)

started that govt job

back to social media marketing for Dubai

3 jobs + school basically

did that dumbass STUPID FUCKING govt job all the way in quebec that I woke up for and travelled for everyday 

would go straight to gym, work again, or school fml

wasn't entirely bad I kinda needed it cuz I applied to a million jobs during that time and did school work LMAO also printed a lot of important shit and got paid so whatever

CAME TO TORONTO IN MARCH W TRAND OMG I FORGOT THAT WAS 2019

SAW VINCE STAPLES!!

AND The fortune teller who like prophisized all this shit goddddd 

iconic if I must say

little did I know...

I miss movati fml lol

working at club Monaco omg ugh they gave me life honestly

fun times w trang cc precious Courtney mich JACK Amanda Raman donia even tho she annoying lol and whoever else I worked w jana jil Daria honestly I just miss Courtney LMFAO uhh jenn was cool too 

I'm never going to forget that place I swear to god I have so much loyalty and pride for my memories for that place im never going to take my experience there for

chilling with avid Vinny and like Alex a bit LMAO he would randomly ask to chill it was weird

that Chinese dinner and chat time thing in his car WHAT WAS THATTT

chilling like a scrub a cu with hector and that crew goddLMAO

avin vin rideau gang

visiting avid at nordstorm the Rui girl and Herman lol he was sofunny

MY BODY IS FOR ME NOT THESE BITCHES LMFAOO 

last class with strangle omg he was iconic honestly 

trang pargol fidede zainab mannnn honestly shoutout old Ottawa friends 

xinyii!! and jelly!! my last times with them

I miss Xinyi so much :( im so happy I got to see her before leaving she was so nice I wish her so much success 

remember working those last shifts at cm like.. yo I feel like things are going to change and my days are numbered.. I feel it. 

did interview after interview, applying EVERYDAY to escape 

the amount of focusing I did on applying around feb and April like I was just focused on working and getting out of there

did two interviews in like 2 hours always on the go always moving always working 

and then like clockwork.. at the govt job.. went to the bathroom knew? to bring my phone with me.. and then right when I left I got a call from mk went into that empty conference room and got the offer. cried. accepted. life changing

I honestly just left that place... went to cm and just.. resigned... put my two weeks in...

and it happened literally in my last week of the govt job..

like fate 

immediately went home told cc precious fam 

fam weren't happy 

BUT I FINALLY ESCAPED!!!! LOOKING BACK ON THIS BLOG AND EVERYTHING I FINALLY F I N A L L Y GOT OUT OF THERE THE BITCH ASS CURSED SHIT CITY NEVER GOING BACKEGIUEHGEIRUGH 

shout out precious for helping me honestly he helped so much 

found my place through hmida who held it down

that whole condo scenario LOL godddd my landlord a HOE

met zgy gvy at precious while I crashed a night

THE MILLIONS OF RIDESHARESSS GOODDDDDD

remember the one I took last minute from Yorkdale LMAO that one wasn't bad honestly I slept good

moving my things packaging them up. like yo.. lol

bringing the boxes from shoppers godddd LOL 

finally landed in Toronto with my place

waiting outside for 5 hours for my damn keys crazy with my suitcase lol... 

THEN FINALLY GOT TO MY FIRST PLACE!! MY FIRST RENTAL CONDO ALL ON MY OWN NO ROOMATES JUST ME

unpacking my things

like just finally having my own place mannn that was my dream for such a long ass time

getting around dt a bit getting used to tdot... 

crazy exciting 

then... 3 days in..

...

met that bitch that fucked me up 

met everything I ever wanted in a person? physically and interest wise and yet?

nothing? 

SO CONFUSED I MET SOMEONE WITH EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WANTED

first hookup? lost v? 

new city new job new life new home lost v new everything

in 3 days. 

my life crazy..

spent the whole time like until October till low-key NOW just thinking about it bitterly 

my feelings up and down I was drowning in obsession and confusion

I know I fucked it up but it was fucked up since the beginning

shook everything about what I thought I wanted in gl or a person

standards are definitely raised and all men trash and hoes Idgaf

I feel nothing towards nobody

my whole mind switched to money and power. 

gl I love you but you're not here and we got a lot growing to do so imma see ya ass in a couple of years 

anyways started working at mk!!! craziest 3 month probation thing I had 

HOWWW DID I DOOOO ITTTTTTT 

met so much people... holy shit.. zgy,gvy,hailey,gab,aisha,priya,rach,lisa,alex,DANIA, goddddd

clubbing.. mon., thurs... weekenddd... wake up... 8:30 work

how did I do it.... fuck lol

met a lot of hoes.. fucked with Sunday once more before he died bye bitch ass hoe.. Leo, sleeve, uhhh that's it I think actually

CABANNNAAAA

OMG I SAW SEAN PAUL LIVE ICONICC YOO THIS FUCKING YEAR LMFAOOOOO

omg YEAH I SAW NCT IN MY FIRST WEEK OF TO WITH PARGOL LMFAOOO YOOOOO

damn this year was crazy I keep forgetting shit

all the weird ass ppl I met at cabana omg the humber guy YOO THE ASIAN GUY WITH MY KEYS LMFAOOO ZGY FUCKLMFGIESH

omg tsf lmao and like yeah all the clubbing ppl in to fuck 

half and half like didnnt know if I liked it or not but it was crazy

still think about that Frans night the damn milkshake and food omggg

just spent summer exploring to trinity Bellwoods ossington like summer stories clubbing stories

managing my double life lol

SPIDERMAN OBSESSION LMAOOOO TO DISTRACT MY MIND FROM THAT BITCH ASS HOE LMFAOOFREJGIEURHSTESUIH THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAS A WHOLE WIFE AND BABY YOOO LMFAOOO

good distraction made work fun when I needed it during my last months of probation LMAO

omg going home during lunch and then back to work ICONIC

leaving the girls at my place and coming back for lunch LMAOOO god really iconic honestly showering and going back to work sleeping hoeing all that LMFAO 

omg the time I left Leo at my place YOO LMAO

still have that expensive ass sweater LMFAO WAT A SIMP

those drunk texts he sent Me in august and I punked him off LMFAOO 😩😂

men trash 

darren Chris rob goddd all those damn ppl I met the one guy who saved me during that blacTHE BLACKOUT CABANNA NIGHT GOD THAT WAS A MESS LMAO TITTIES OUT EVERYTHING but yeah he was low key useless I forget his name highboy but whatever

YOOO THAT GIRLS TITTIES I SLEPT ON NGEIRGHEUHUE ICONIC

I got catfishes twice 😩 the change bitch and the John bitch airehguerihserh FUCKKK LMFAO

AND THEN THE CHANG BITCH WAS TRYNA SAY OH U JSUT LOOK TO ARAB THATS WHY WE HAVNET TALKED AGAINL IKE BITCHHHHH FIRST OF ALL UR A WHOLE CATFISHFHERGUERBKSHETERU AHERUIGESRUYR LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

and then I catfish Sunday to punk him off for revenge and call him a thot and thought he was talking about me for catfish when it was just about another bitch he was hoeing with cuz he a hoe.. Jesus my life wild

SO MUCH SHIT THIS SUMMER UHERGHSREG

gained weight fml I don't even wanna mention it iDONT WANNA TALK

even if it is muscle I dDONT WANNT TALK ABOUT IT

the cabana pool jump... godd... walking home drunkregiuhersguhe fucK 

summer was crazy

nada and mama coming wow that was annoying I rlly can't do family even though I love them

getting high swimming the catfish racing munchies arguing with Alex LMAO 

eating out with Dania gab Lisa the normal ppl I met lool

a lot of stress of money and where I want to go I was in a hella rush idk why I think everything happening so fast made me not want to slow down at all but im finally slowing down 

priya end of the year rebel tiff stuff 

basically drowning in depress and regret around the end of summer cuz everything calmed down and I had the time to think and reflect about everything and yeah.. got super depressed

that bitch cc and her bullshit yo just fucking go bye

notice how there's like no memories with her like yeah there was but they were just annoying cuz she was annoying highkey

thanks for bringing my shit from Ottawa tho dumbass LOL eat a dick

THE HOT TUBBBB SUMMERSSS AND SUMMER NIGHTS 

omg all my emo ass walks at night to the port and water and trillium park in the morning aiohreughresehre writing with my journal god that was actually nice tho 

super peaceful so happy to live near the water highkey

always in between losing myself who am I what do I do now who am I like did I lost myself did I ever have myself

major existential crisis

how did I survive work god 

musicmusiscmusicccc

moviesmovesmoves

readreadread

actually I had a lot of night walking home from the club sad

omg remember the ovo guy fucking loser liar 

as usualllll 

RECORDRESCORSDCRECORDDSSS SO MANY TDOT IS PERFECTT

ugh what else fuck too much shit happened OH YEAH

my birthday with the girls and the bbq!! the cake!! omg so nice :((( so funny lol

that weirdo ass man that I still see in the gym sometimes god help me lol 

passing my probation!!!! and then like finally fitting in and feeling apart of mk and the “family” lol

CLARK KENT AND SCOTTISH MANS MAKING MY LIFE EVRYDAYYYYYugh love them

got a moomin from Scottish mans 🥺 love him

anyways got depressed drowning in obsession.. nothing surprising there 🙄 

got high and drunk like bottom of the barrel... 

right before pargol came LMAO 

oh yeah I went to Ottawa because yo I was going out of my mind about losing myself.. needed to go BACK to the place I hated to find myself

went back and it was like??? everything was the same.. still saw vin and avid and Herman at Rideau still had bbt with them 

still fucking around hector and that whole crew had Ivan his girl moe.. ribal..Kyle YO lol that weird ass club experience AS USUAL Ottawa clubs trash god

apple picking same year in a row wit z <3 and hamza and fams lol

saw the kids and got to be stupid again loool 

anyways came back to my actual life

like it just felt weird knowing that the place I had all my memories and experiences in like.. felt nothing

even the forest felt weird like I didn't need to be there anymore?

as much as tried to drown myself in obsession and my past and bad habits.. I couldn't?

im being forced to move forward and learned Sunday was the last experience it was just eye opening

after the emotional shit I sat down again and had a whole purging 

I never felt that bad and horrible and drowned in obsession since raglan..

like.. deleted the hidden pictures... the feeling.. like I've done this before...

that was the final straw..

you think its over just because I am dead but its not over..the games just begun.

never again. 

anyways I met Aisha!!! love her vibe with her heavy

introduceed me to the sugar shit YOOOO LMFAOOO

THEN WE STARTING PIMPIN AND MAKING EXTRA MONEY

NO MORE MONEY STRUGGLE 

GOT FUCKED OVER HEART TURNED COLD NOW WE FOCUSING ON MONEY CAREER POWER PLAYING THESE HOES FOR THEY MONEY AND RECLAIMING MYSELF 

weird ass fucking people but get the money and go 

stack up crazy and saving up this past few months 

and just chilling w friends and therapy sessions

scheming and planning for the future

therapy sessions

got close with Lisa

oh yeah BOLO!! UGH BEST GYM

ALSO OMG I FORGOT I SAW BROCKHAMPTON AGAIN!!! AND SOMEHOW GOT TO THE BARRIER AND LITERALLY HAD SO MUCH INTERACTION WITH KEVIN LIKE SINGING TOGETHER AND THEN HE CAME DOWN SAID I GOTCHU AND TOOK TWO PICS WITH ME FUCKGIERGEIUTHSEUH THAT WAS INSANEEE MY LIFE WILDDDD 

iconic holiday party and New Years with again like random weird ppl and my girls exemplifying how wild and fresh the whole experience of this year was 

at least I be waking up warm and clean in MY PLACEby myself with no bullshit 

just like.. got a new place new job new city basically live the life I always wanted? reading movies? new friends no problems? wtf how my life change so quick

new interesting experiences

getting drunk high dancing at my place out in these streets just meeting bare people all these new people and experiences holy shit... 

and like yeah im not where I want to be but this progress and process is FUN now 

everything a strategy and a move and love staying busy 

wish I had more free time tho I never feel rested my life fucking crazy LOOL

that weirdo bitch who thought he was dating me UGHHH BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL JUST FOR A CAR AND FOOD BITCHARE U CRAZY 

power trip crazy im so sorry jfc 

anyways block and move on

met Chris and we still talking for like 3 months in a row god... lol gunna see him Saturday idk was the HALE going on 

im like surrounded by hoes???? and I don't want it GOD I JUST BEEN FOCUSING ON ME AND MONEYFUCK EVERYONE ELSE 

idek what else maybe im missing shit but this whole year wild best year of MY LIFE though

idk what the fuck gunna happen in 2020 cuz my split lives and the chaos and playing hoes and always thinking about opportunity and abundance and money got my mind and moves all wrapped in strategy but we only ONNLY ONLYYY GOING UP from here no excuses lets fucking go I always say this but 2019 was fucking wild and you know what.. lets fucking go 2020 LETS FUCKING GO as long as I don't gain weight LMFAO lets fucking GO. money and power on my mind exclusively. gl imma see you in 2 years. focusing on bigger things but at least im OUT HERE and ESCAPED and we onLY ATTRACTING AND MANIFESTING ABUNDANCE 

[beebosbitchh]

1-65 ;)

holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??

3. The person you would never want to meet?

guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know

4. What is your favorite word?

hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!

7. What shirt are you wearing?

baseball tee, gay

8. What do you label yourself as?

nb, lesbian, fool

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

slepe

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..

12. Who told you they loved you last?

sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !

13. Your worst enemy?

x

14. What is your current desktop picture?

one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect

15. Do you like someone?

tumblr user vahilla

16. The last song you listened to?

megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

mmyy seelfff ??

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

mmmyseyyffelllff ??

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? 

eh whats the point

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

n o ne ? 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

no :-/

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

denmark

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

fukcing , acetoNe

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! 

spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much

34. What was your last dream about?

the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr

38. What is the color of your socks? 

grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)

39. What type of music do you like?

all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate 

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

whom?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical

46. Are you reliable?

yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

u still a lil bitch ?

48. Do you hold grudges? 

nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

DOG HORSES BIG DOGs

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh

51. Are you a good liar?

nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty

52. How long could you go without talking?

uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

heck yeah

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

*clears throat*

h-

hewwo?

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

x

58. What would be you dream car?

razor scooter

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons tf

64. What do you think about babies?

evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

x

#long post / #mention of dysphoria / #ask #thenk yoy sophiw #this took 4ever but worth it bc it got me to calm down?? coolc ool cool

[batsysims]

100 QUESTIONS NO ONE ASKS

I was tagged by @tickledsims ty ily!!

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? CLOSED when i was younger my little sister had a baby doll that would talk on its own at night and we called it the demon baby and hooooly shit

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? i dont take those bc my hair cant take cheap hair products but i do take the soaps!!

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? i put the mattress cover sheet thingy on my bed but i dont use an actual sheet :/

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? nah lol

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? YES i love using office supplies i could spend all day at staples omg

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? no lol but il save the lil receipt coupons and find them in my wallet months after they expire

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? hhhhh bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? yep!! i love them its why im scared to use foundation i dont wanna lose em

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? i either smile or if my moms takin the pic il make a stupid face 

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? i have terrible road rage...... um........... i also hate it when men interrupt me i just walk away at that point 

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? yeah i pretty much count everything

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? i dont think so??

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? def not lmao

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? i have an eating dance, a drinking dance, and a video game playing dance hahaa

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? yes ugh it annoys me but i cant stop

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? at LEAST 0

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? i think its a single? a single or a twin either way im miserable send help

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? ummm probably You by Weird Milk?? its the most recent song i added on spotify so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? yeah def unless its one of those “real men wear pink shirts” like just.... stop

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? sometimes my sister makes me watch stevens universe?? il watch phineas and ferb too bc honestly who doesnt anime too but not always cartoon ones or w/e

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? 2001: A Space Odyssey and Daughters of the Dust come to mind

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? u kno where ;) no how big is the treasure?? if its a lil bit id put it in that drawer under the oven bc my family never uses that but if its BIG TREASURE id hide it in the backyard of the last house i lived in bc a. nobody lives there now and 2. its totally overrun with green bc of like two floods

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? water! only water ever

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? honey if theyre mcnuggets but other than that i use honey mustard!

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? chicky parm

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? honestly Inception is my feel-good movie

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? a lil babu

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? i was in girl scouts much longer than i ever wanted to be lmao WISH i coulda done BOY SCOUTS

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if cash is involved absolutely

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? aboutttt three months ago!

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no but i can watch

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? when i first got my license yea :( 15 yr olds are dum

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? twice! very good memories

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? egg salad gud

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? the all star breakfast at waffle house yasssss

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? honestly like 9 since i always have to wake up at 7 in the am but il stay up til 11 if i can

37. ARE YOU LAZY? absolutely when have ACTIVE ppl done ANYTHING

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? i was usually a cat bc i never could find a costume i liked smh but when i was 2 i went as winnie the pooh lmao

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? ox!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? just english but im tryna learn spanish and japanese and im fluent in french if a two year olds speech patterns can be considered as such

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? nah

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? LEGOS lincoln logs are big with nostalgia thoooo

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? with dumb shit yeah but i usually just dont care enough abt stuff to deal

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? theyre both old idc

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? no lol

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? not really tbh i like the adrenaline

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? if im alone!! nobody deserves to hear that

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? nahhh

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? when im in the drive thru haaaa

50. EVER USED A GUN? id like to go to a shooting range some time but ive never used one im also very anti gun so i probs would never buy one unless it was a cute lil glock i can handle well

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? st patricks day it wasnt technically for me tho

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? not in general but when ppl start obsessing over a certain one for months on end abt a certain time period and certain performers and certain songs and certain people of history i start wanting ppl to die

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? YEAH I NEVER HAVE MONEY WTF

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? my sisters obsessed with them so yea but never like. authentic polish potato pockets or anything just a frozen box of em

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? apple?? im not rly into pie tbh

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? ive wanted to go into law enforcement/criminology my whole life!! for a sec i wanted to be a firefighter, a journalist/writer/poet, and some sort of artist but u know how kids are

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? i tried to find that clip from malcolm in the middle for like ten mins but i couldnt yea

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? doesnt everyone tho?

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? no im a bad adult

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? nah

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? im not rich!!

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? usually just my undies but when im living with other people il wear a soft shirt and my dc heroes pajama bottoms ayyy

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? ive never been to one! i was gonna go see metallica in baltimore but i moved before i could smh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? walmart sry targets cool but too much money!!! i go there for home things tho does kmart still exist

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? ADIDAS ive been trying to get a full adidas tracksuit for YEARS

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? fritos! i like the super hot cheetos tho

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? peanutsssss

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Nope but they must be good im keepin @tickledsims response bc it made me laugh

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? when i was a lil babu i took ballet and gymnastics a lil later

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? i hope to never have a spouse  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yep

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? ive actually never even had a spelling bee im sure theyre a myth

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? i think so??

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nah

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? nahhhhh

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? no but i had a roommate who did i fell in love

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yeah ok lol so one time when i was a sophomore my french teacher had to use a substitute teacher and hes the reason i believe in love at first sight im STILL in love with him wtf ive also had a bf haha im hilarious

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? i dont really do concerts so i couldnt say but i think matd would be fun!!

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? oh my god

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? hot!!!!

81. TEA OR COFFEE? coffee!!!!!!

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? i dont rly like either but i prefer snickerdoodles over sugar

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i can only do that weird frog swim i forget what its called so no im shit at it

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? ye

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? if im able to distract myself?? it also depends on the severity of what im waiting on i guess

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? probs a band i guess i dont rly think abt that kinda stuff sry

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? when i was four i won a coloring contest at the ice cream store

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nope im poor 89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? both are good!

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? i can knit but i cant crochet

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? fckn bathroom

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? not rly unless its a partnership longlasting romance stresses me out especially with financial responsibility etc

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? -20 years

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? my high school boyfriend hahaaa h,,,,

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? im an adult sry

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1!

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? nope! lmao i love her tho

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? red but i also like many others??? idk

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? ummm not rly?? im not close enough to anyone to miss them and those i am close to im able to hang with

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? god uhhh if you havent done it already and want to, @dreambot @nebula-simms @ellowynsims and @pixelbloom

#tag challenge #nonsims #ty lol that was fun

[amoresomnia]

6/2/21

poor in feelings

poor in cents

  pouring deep

to kill the scent

  your porous soul

seeped too intense

  into this fabric

of mine

  now my pillow reeks

and my sleep don’t speak

  like whiskey bourbon

spilled, once neat

  our pleasures gone

the treasured dawn

  comes to beat

me down again

  like winter mornings

with the curtains drawn

  i’m on my own

in my own

head again

5/27/21

red skies

a sign of storms ahead

  white lies

your words better left un said 

  be baptized

by the light of the life you led

5/25/21

cause i can’t seem to grow at all

with these two black thumbs i stand

prepare to climb the wall

  backs against the ropes and im already anticipating the fall

  can’t help but get going

going with the flow

can’t help never knowing

that we can’t know

  so we put up no resistance

saddle up a sad existence

is all you’ve have to show

  5/17/21

how many conversations can i simulate

before the voices (in my head) stay forever

  codeine kicks the fever dream

but i’m not feeling any better

  there’s a warm sky that lie

somewhere deep within my bones

  and i think i might die

before i ever make it home

5/15/21

want to speak

to the melancholia in you

  i want to speak

the darkest flavors of blue

  the sleepless mornings

sleepless nights

  a begging feeling for a light

  i want to speak so i can see

the misery of love atrophied

the bitterest pill of blessed be

a highlight lining what you need

  i want to breathe your ragged air

i want to breathe your ragged air

  take the sunshine never share

your life is priceless beyond compare

  but i want to speak

if only to see

  a little darkness underneath

5/8/21

every drop in the bucket makes a ripple

4/16/21

Am

sweet temptation

Em

she calls me by my first name

4/13/21

needing to find the means to monetize our leisure

  the way that man is measured

  a man’s time is his most precious treasure

3/15/21

feeling like i’m filling time

listless and just killing my mind

actions in apathy speak for my unwillingness to climb

  like each and every thing we seek

will eventually be fine

will eventually be fine

  -

  Why i gotta be this way

Been feeling blind to others thoughts of me

Less of a feeling and more a furtive display

taking actions to display my apathy

wondering what the watchmen see

wondering what it really means

  is this another depressive episode

another tick tack beat on the metronome

ten missed calls and ya mamma left wondering when you coming home

wondering what’s it like when ya left alone

  where’s the means to make amends

where’s the bridge i’ve burnt at both ends

  maybe i can just pretend

  maybe i can just pretend

  3/5/21

each of my hours cost me days

3/3/21

the end is still forever and a day away

2/6/21

the melancholy of a forgotten dream

  the broken pieces never fit back together it seems

  at least not in the way that we mean

1/22/21

and i can curve my spine into an s shape

  last week i ate a berry in the woods so i could see

deaths face

  and sometimes i think about how we’re all staying in

this place

  the same state

  somebody shelter some more

the house you built see it gon’

keep you dry and safe from the storm 

  this sickening shame

slurred words share no blame

keep blending it together til everything

feels the same

  it’s all so awfully humbling

when these walls can all come crumbling

down

  then we’d be in the

  same state

      1/16/21

and they said i was the oldest one

  born to break the records

fated to steal the sun

  oh they said i was the oldest son

  picture perfect

memorabilia on the wall

  gloria gloria

why can’t i hear ya

as i continue this eternal fall

  to slip as easily as me

to fall from grace

effortlessly

  who’s to say

now that i’m not the only one

11/15/20

and i been feeling like an echo

11/15/20

and i am just a passing moment

walking through

  stranger over yonder

yes that sense of sonder

  i feel it too

  i am just a passing moment to you

11/13/20

it’s not funny this is a nervous laughter

  what comes from the work

  follows after

  the most recent episodes

  of our disaster

  this is a nervous laughter

  11/10/20

what’s the use

in using

  decisions made without our choosing

  pinpricks gave us the solution

  can’t save us from this ablution.

  Said i don’t wanna feel this way

  mama i’m only tryna numb the pain

  1/28/20

“If you have the ability, then come.”

  The sound of leather boots brushing across fallen leaves moves forward.

  The clean image of the morning’s light fog is shattered.

  One clean cut of the blade slices a falling leaf and the mist around it.

  Feet shuffle two steps back as the split leaf flutters to the ground.

  A second cut, this time a collision. The crisp clink of two honed edges turned against each other.

  A step. A slide. The men dance in the wind kicking up dirt. Two yearning urgently to spill the day’s first blood. To tinge red the rising sun.

  The birds have long silenced and the stillness is only broken by the beaten breathing of two who lie on the floor.

  Swordsmen and traitor stricken in fighting made little more than stains upon the earth beneath the shade but still ever so far from hearth.

  1/22/20

chasing fates flow

  1/19/20

a dusting of snow on the  shingles

lightens and whitens the roof

while the bird feeders have frozen over

  grandma’s in the kitchen

where there’ll be breakfast in a moment

  this quiet northern home

stands still for but a second

in the morning

  1/2/20

so she said savor every second

  cause each moment could be our last

  although  it’s not forever

we’ll keep pushing past

  making sweet memories

  that we won’t recall

come morning

  making sweet memories

  it’s a storm come without warning

  it’s something we’ve been searching

for

so ever hard to find

  it’s a little less than so much more

if we can bide our time

  and savor every second

cause in this moment i swear

i’m dyin

1/2/20

and to all a piece

of the validation machine

we submit

  12/12/19

i still feel a filter

a thickness engulfs me

  i just wanna connect

but i can’t quite see

  something’s been ticking

the wrong way

something been ticking

inside of me

ain’t quite say i’m sick

or dying

but there’s a weakness speaking out

inside of me

  said i still feel some static

my attitude crude and dramatic

  it’s a poison i’ve been seeking

  it’s a poison i’ve been thinking

  it’s a poison silly sinking

  somewhere deep inside of me

  ain’t been nothing more than

platitudes and gratitude

for the people pick me up

from the floor.

        2/8/20

Maybe we were meant to toil

  Under this blazing sun. Bare backs burned by the blistering heat.

  Maybe we were meant to have our hands, till-deep, in the soil.

  Sifting seeds between our fingers

searching out the signs of life and

planting them deep within the land.

  Maybe we were meant to toil

  Not for

this comfort and complacency.

Not for

this sweet space we seek.

Sheltered

from the sun and from the storm.

  Maybe we were meant to toil

    12/4/19

  tonight

i think

i’ll lie awake and

look lovingly

at this

beautiful

vague shape

that’s sleeping next to me

  cause i can’t quite

make out

your features

your facets

or your lines

cause the lights gone

and nights come

and i’m just

a little bit blind

but i know

it’s you

that’s sleeping next to me

that’s sleeping next to me

  ][

  so tonight i

think that i’ll lie

awake and take a

second just to breathe

soak in just a moment of

your lovely vague shape

  while you’re sleeping next to me

next to me

11/18/19

deep beneath

the surface

something

screams

purpose is

nothing

but a lie

  how ya gonna live your life?

11/12/19

like god's little flies

we are dropping one

by one

  11/11/19

last goodbye i’ll offer

youve taken every penny

every copper from my coffers

  11/17/19

the most effective way to enact change is to participate in it

  10/14/19

Big capital speaks louder than the cry of common man

  When the dollar has been made by creating shortcuts

  How much is that dollar really worth

08/?/19

your lips are stained blue

from all that you’ve been drinking

and no amount

of blood that they’ve been sinking into you

will be enough to save ya now

09/17/19

handed a glass

half full

  they drank it

til it’s dry

  said this is the state of the world

  and not a single tear’d they cry

09/19/19

and i’m thinking about boats and

  a placid lake with murky water choked by reeds

  and i’ve been thinking about boats and the sound that thinking’s been making lately

  for me

  you see when you place one boat one ship on this inland sea see it’s all alright

right

  there’s room to move or sail or go forward in any direction

  and then you place another ship another boat on those calm waters

and you don’t falter not for one second

  you still have space on this peaceful lake

  the wind is carrying the breeze and these ships across the ride and

  then you place another ship

and another ship

and another ship

  and the wakes these ships create start to intersect and the waters that were peaceful feel a fearful rising tide and

  then you place another ship and there’s no room to move and it’s bow to bow and scrapes along the side

  but you can’t just take the ships out

  where would they go

  and now upon your placid lake a laden waste made manifest you start to think

  and hope for that wide clear wave to ride a peaceful placid hope to hide within

  again

  so you start to sink the ships

  the boats have aged have weathered and worn their rails have scrapes sails untethered and torn

  and they go down beneath the surface and the fresher spawn have room to breathe while asleep and out of sight the old sink deep

  still a piece of the lake

but left to apathy

  and you have a nice pristine water to weave across with your less populated crest

  and then you add another ship

and another ship

and another ship

  until the bottoms ready to give in a mountain made of wreck to ruin this blessed home you’ve learned to stew in

  born out of a desire

to be free

  but then

  when there is no more space

  what then

    ?/?/2019

fresh blades of green burst through

the ivory horizon

foreboding the first false coming

of spring

  before the frost snaps and

breaks bare any inch of color

that dare pervade

the pure still space

    07/05/2019

like

placid lucidities

angry and afraid

we fail to see

all that’s been made

in our solemn search

for agency

07/02/2019

dirty jilted sister

left beside the waterfall

whiskey bourbon

turned to mist

to satisfy the masses

mend it all

  accomplishments are minced

til satisfaction stalls

and all these things

we’d missed

hang like mirrors on the wall

09/03/2019

for too long we been

looking out instead of in

dancing freely to the

cadence of our sin

08/31/2019

CAUSE THATS NOT HIRING

  THEY SAY DO WHAT YOU LOVE

YOULL NEVER WORK A DAY INYOURLIFE

  CAUSE THATS NOT HIRING

  THEY SAY DO WHAT YOU LOVE

AND YOU JUST MIGHT BE ALRIGHT

  BUT THEYRE STILL NOT HIRING

  THEY SAY DO WHAT YOU LOVE

DESPITE THE POVERTY LEVELS RISING

  CAUSE THATS NOT HIRING

  WERE ALL WASTING AWAY WALLOWING IN WEALTH

WHILE THE PEOPLE EXPIRING

  BUT THATS STILL NOT HIRING

  They say do what you love

and youll never work a day in your life

06/18/19

more like

broken glass

under apathetic feet

05/29/19

There’s a difference

Between Control and Concern

And i’m not quite sure

You’ve learned how to discern

it just yet.

[da1udr3amof-blog]

BlvntQueen & LadyTonii LadyTonii Hey wassup? a month ago LadyTonii https://prnt.sc/lcyehe me and him yes while you was send the first invite — a month ago LadyTonii number and picture don’t lie ppl do a month ago BlvntQueen well i know tht because yall have alot of pictures together but like i said it was him lien saying yall wasnt together and tht yur unborn babys was nott his and i have proof if you would like to see a month ago LadyTonii yes please send it because a month ago BlvntQueen Okay give me one sec hun cause it’s a lot a month ago LadyTonii tyt a month ago BlvntQueen https://photos.app.goo.gl/4K8QFTuiU7f8LkVu7 a month ago BlvntQueen https://photos.app.goo.gl/MyM7Z4oahJXaf8RW9 a month ago BlvntQueen https://photos.app.goo.gl/WzXiAuegZzaJpfVV6 a month ago BlvntQueen https://photos.app.goo.gl/J3CPFenKoa4KwNLT8 a month ago BlvntQueen https://photos.app.goo.gl/LGHi7y8MoGvyQ3B99 a month ago BlvntQueen https://photos.app.goo.gl/8VfXEuhGUPYsNKxXA a month ago BlvntQueen https://photos.app.goo.gl/SJWStrcTcDVoWFgu8 a month ago BlvntQueen Even back when you guys started talking he kept denying that you weren’t together which I knew was a lie a month ago BlvntQueen While you guys where together he was still trying to get with buying whole bunch of gifts saying he wanted to be my husband and wanted a Familia a month ago BlvntQueen Every time I basically shut him down cause I could see y’all had something going down even when he kept denying it a month ago BlvntQueen I contacted on no drama stuff I just wanted to see if I was or was he lien a month ago BlvntQueen Wrong * a month ago BlvntQueen Nd sorri for some of the stuff said in the inbox I was tryna get him to say the truth a month ago BlvntQueen Even tht whole knew look to his face I helped him pick it out while we we’re shopping together a month ago BlvntQueen He even has another look I helped him pick out just doesn’t wear it often a month ago BlvntQueen He was hanging with me in my family one day got mad cause I asked to meet you plus when I asked kept calling you his wifey he kept getting up set saying you wasn’t in wifey a month ago BlvntQueen Got booted out the room cause he was losing his temper a month ago LadyTonii Its okay thank you for contacting me and letting me know because this says a lot about his intention with all women on the game. And for him to try n start a relationship with you while still me tell me just hm he care for me. a month ago BlvntQueen I’m really sorry ma I been friends with him for bout 6-7 months Already knew his games Nd how he treated women Thts why things would never work between us cause I don’t like being played a month ago BlvntQueen Also the same reason I contacted yu just let yu Know plus to get the truth a month ago BlvntQueen But I am truly sorry 💯 a month ago LadyTonii This hurt so bad especially when u genuine love someone. So why know why tell me this now. Why have not warn me in the beginning? Why wait? @ 6-7 months ago. Why allow him to keep you quiet this long a month ago LadyTonii No worries, God bring the truth to the light for a reason a month ago LadyTonii I just wish it come sooner. a month ago BlvntQueen Well me in Darius was really friends cause I used to be married when I got divorced he had been tryna to get with me I met his family in everything we where public for a while but he flirted with to many women so I ended things and just stayed friends with him   He’s was always around he just turned his location off or waited for ppl to get online while we hung out he thought I didn’t notice💯 Nd the reason I’m telling you now cause I didn’t know for sure if y’all were together cause it seemed like y’all was off and on in a relationship a month ago BlvntQueen Plus he asked to go public a lot of times I just said no cause I knew he was a player and didn’t want him to make me look like I was getting played a month ago LadyTonii You speak a familiar story…i can most certain relate to the same things you exactly. a month ago LadyTonii Saying* a month ago BlvntQueen Soo yeah… but I am sorry for bothering you with this bs a month ago LadyTonii Its okay at lease now ik his truth and yes i was pregnant with his twins boys. It like a emotions roaster. We talk via phone. Almost all day until out the blue so now ik what was the blue he started changing on me a month ago BlvntQueen Oh wow its sad 💯 I’m sorry fr💯 he needs to grow up and act like a man a month ago LadyTonii So true👍 a month ago LadyTonii Oh Qu33n I forgot to tell you love😏 I neverrr….leave Darius alone….But thank for the ☕ anyway (you tired it). They always want to start telling when they get upset. But when they happy….They are so call  "Riders"….✌ next time tell me something I dont already know about 💋Darius💋 a month ago LadyTonii Follow me on tumblr da1udream0f a month ago LadyTonii http://da1udream0f.tumblr.com/ a month ago LadyTonii https://prnt.sc/lodeqo 44 minutes ago BlvntQueen Good for you Psycho 40 minutes ago BlvntQueen Sad thing is you texting me all these things when he still not claiming the baby’s your pregnant with 37 minutes ago BlvntQueen And unlike you I’m pregnant in real life and don’t have time to be dealing with your dumb drama 37 minutes ago LadyTonii https://prnt.sc/lodn9k —-> Yes daddy like to deny a lot things but we already been down this road before haven’t we. You have time for it “stop it” :)  Congratulations on the new baby in rl however “you tell me this because”?  #we a team sis except it :) 13 minutes ago BlvntQueen He’s right we aren’t together but he wants to get back together 😘 yeah we have been down this road before and me and him has a unbreakable bond 😉😬 I’m here to stay and I don’t have time for  it so please stop harassing me cause this is sad you have been stalking my page steady 😂😂😂😂 I don’t have to fake a reality pregnancy I have a real life one and is enjoying it to the fullest 😘 and I would like to keep my stress level down as much as possible so Please let go cause of now your dismissed with all this petty drama especially when your a wanna be and had to copy my style before just to try to keep a man that doesn’t want you😂😘😬☺️ 8 minutes ago LadyTonii yeah right, and santa clause is real ==> sound like a strong bond to me lol —https://prnt.sc/lodrj3> https://prnt.sc/lodrzf https://prnt.sc/lodsrq https://prnt.sc/lodt7j https://prnt.sc/lodup5 https://prnt.sc/lodvf3 It wasnt petty when “yo ass” was in my inbox and liking all my picture (now was it?) sending me friend request like you was crazy Worrying about my conception date. hmmmm Now you telling me you’ve grown up over the few weeks… I have not ill-wells towards you and never will 💋 a few seconds ago BlvntQueen https://prnt.sc/loe7o3 https://prnt.sc/loe7yk https://prnt.sc/loe89x Back Than Honey I was just trying to find the truth to see was he messing around with because he said he wasn’t and that you weren’t shit to him when I came to You adding you trying to find the truth which nothing is wrong with that if a women is trying to see if Her “MAN” is cheating on her with a wannabe chick who keeps stalking my page😂💯 me and you aren’t even friends and I’m not even on you stream so i know you have issues and that you are pressed about me cause you had to text him about a picture we took last night a few seconds ago BlvntQueen How pathetic of you to keep stalking my page bbg💯😂 a few seconds ago BlvntQueen You Should really Get a life and stop following mine cause once again you messaged me tonight and messaged him last night about me showing that you have no life what’s so ever 😂💯😘💋 a few seconds ago LadyTonii You always been a talker…i love that about you…💋 fail for the bait score!!!!that all but we still going to fuck around regardless. Damn see your bond is so deep he just know you were pregnant😊 shame on it all. a few seconds ago LadyTonii Girl wake up he don’t give af about none of this imvu lol a few seconds ago BlvntQueen Mhmm Sure Bbg Well You Have Fun Stalking My Stream And Page 😂💯❤️ While I Continue Not Worrying About You Like I Been Doing😂😌 😘 Fuck Around All You Want Cause Unlike You I Never Had To Give My Pussy Up To Him For Me And Him To Keep Talking💋😉 Says A lot About You Does it hunni😂😘😬 Your right it is imvu and you stalking me like you got some real issues😂💯 sad asf 😉😌😆 27 minutes ago BlvntQueen And he didn’t know I was pregnant in real life  one cause it wasn’t his business two cause I don’t mix a game with my real life😂💯😘 but trust and believe I can post evidence cause I don’t have to lie💯❤️ 25 minutes ago LadyTonii Im grown lol i can dirty talk to who i may. The lord aint tell you to keep track of hm pussy toni give to Darius...just like you wanted to know what was going on before, same here. I dont have do anything I choice too. Its my choice. Thats good for you at lease ik he not fucking you.😂 Your shade doesnt fade me. Once again I dont stalk your page. Girl, you care just like I do because if you didnt you wouldve blocked the first message in. I dont front or act like it dont bother me. I just came to accepting him for who he was nothing more. 5 minutes ago LadyTonii Now let that man sleep he has to work in the morning..you have a bless night love💋 3 minutes ago BlvntQueen No You We’re Very Bothered just Of The Fact That in screen shot you told him to leave you alone cause of a picture😂💯👌🏽😬 And I chose not to fuck him cause I ain’t no hoe and I don’t got to give up pussy just to be with a guy😂💯 Niggas chase me bbg cause I’m the real deal and don’t  have to try to be some one else😂👌🏽 and you do stalk my page for you to even see the picture that was posted 😂💯 how do yu sound bbg  and I don’t care what he do with you cause once again me and him not together 👌🏽 and I shouldn’t have to block you 👌🏽a hoe should know when to leave a queen alone😘👌🏽😬 and you so grown bbg that you steady inboxing me just like you had to inbox me a picture of y’all 😂💯😬 Damn you really are a pressed bitch😌  you  even messed me on nov 1 at 6am just to show a page of y’all cause You So Pressed About Me That You Want Me To be jealous 😬😆 but it’s hard to be jealous of a psycho. Person who stalks my page and what I posted  and try’s to look like just like me😂 Now You Have ABlessDay a few seconds ago BlvntQueen And I Will pray to god that you get your self together and get the help you need😂🙏🏽😘 a few seconds ago LadyTonii Right you know me personally a few seconds ago LadyTonii Why you keep on saying fuck him like theres really penetrating flesh. Im start to think something is serious wrong with the both of yall. And for you to act this way ik you lying about pc'ing with him. imma let you jack that one there. You don't have to pray for me. I'm blessed. I'm the one in denial. I know he fucking with the both of us. a few seconds ago

[from-aina-to-zulaikha]

my creepiest night in aspuri?

for the ones who never know, i actually study in a boarding school where we have these dorms called cubes. and so.......i pretty much lived through this year in the heavenly cube 5, 1st floor, block D. this cube has pretty much been my home....where i always couldnt wait to go back to every evening after class ends.

but heavenly wasnt so heavenly...........

for the girls dormitory we have block C and block D. and block D is actually quite popular for these creepy things happening (maybe its only because we had someone who has sixth sense in these 2 floors) (fyi we have ground floor until 3rd floor) so the 2 lucky floors are 1st floor (heck yes, my floor) and 3rd floor. and plus, earlier this year, my floor where i lived actually was the ONLY floor that has unpainted walls because other floors, they designed the walls so beautifully and people would always say 1st floor ni seram, gelap la and so on.......they started painting the walls in the mid of semester 2 i guess

so it was semester 2 finals week. they have those gaps kan where they will let us study on our own so things went on within that period of time. i think that night was my creepiest night ever kot...idk. 

i dont remember but i think i was doing some homework kot or studying, so i went to bed quite late like 12:30 something. of course la i was the one who had to turn off all lights kan because i sleep the latest. all my other 7 cubemates have went to bed. it wasnt really dark at my side, because there was the light from outside the corridors (oh fyi we have 2 sides in each cube. kat tengah tengah ada 8 study desks) (and why my side could get the light from outside? because my cube paling hujung sekali HAHA IKR. and my bed pun paling hujung sekali so i got light the most. but it was perfect though) 

well that time it was super quiet because cube depan pun semua dah tidur. 

until around 1 am,

i had sleep paralysis.

for those who dont know pls go search or kalau nak senang orang cakap kena himpit. but lol i had sleep paralyse for years since i was small and i am confident and right enough to say that i wasnt ‘kena himpit’ dengan hantu ke apa. its that situation where you just cannot move your body at all but you can open your eyes. huhu ye seram ikr. the science for this situation is that it happens when you are too tired. your otak is awake but your body isnt.

to say, it is actually VERY RARE for me to have sleep paralysis kat asrama sebab mostly kat rumah je. it was the finals week when my sleep paralysis thing started. banyak kali kena masa minggu exam tu. aduh kacau betul. masa siang, tertidur atas meja lepas study pun boleh kena. it was so weird i could only open one eye. i actually got used to it so i wasnt really afraid. kadang kadang layankan aje sampai boleh lucid dreaming! hhahahah yea it works, people.

and it is THE MOST RARE if i could see like, yknow, makhluk halus ni during sleep paralysis. biasanya i’d see real things, real people. i mean i could actually see my friends, cuma tak boleh cakap and gerak. but that night, i actually saw something that was.........beyond my knowledge.

so at that 1 am i had sleep paralysis. i heard footsteps heading towards my bed. btw i’d always peluk my other bantal masa tidur so pretty much half of my sight tak nampak. then when i opened my eyes once again i could see someone sitting beside me masa baring tu. what the hell! sumpah time tu tak takut tapi macam rasa curious nak mati like siapa tu omg i cant move i wanna see who is this bitch omg

i remember CLEARLY she was wearing a white tudung. so masa i sleep paralyse tu boleh fikir lagi like why the hell dia pakai tudung putih sebab semua orang pakai tudung hitam malam malam. sumpah i wanted to wake up to tegur siapa tu because i couldnt see. i could only see from her eyes up until her top of head sbb i was hugging a fucking pillow. and this fella dia pandang straight to my junior sleeping beside my katil (u can imagine the situation right) nampak macam ifaa my cubemate eh macam janis! ah entahhhhh nasib baik kau tak pusing muka kau pandang akuuuuu kalau tak eiiiiii 

normally when i have sleep paralyse i would struggle myself to wake up from it. try sedarkan diri. kadang kadang jadi kadang kadang tak. so yang tak tu mampusla aku tidur balik je. and when i get too scared i’d recite ayat kursi lot of times, and kalau dah baca ayat ayat macam tu memang berkesan la cerita dia guys.

SO lepas dah struggle teruk nak bangun tu finally! i managed to wake up! to nothing. nobody was sitting beside me. ah sudah. vas happenin’????????? ok bitches im tryna get my sleep so i ended up tidur balik.

but bitch it didnt stop there!!!!!

few minutes later tiba tiba bunyi benda jatuh kuat gila NAK MATI so i woke up macam lepas nightmare dalam movie tu yang bangun secara terkejut tu u know kan and then i checked la on the floor to see if something dropped from any locker ke apa. but NOTHING, bitch. memang terkejut la saya.

TAPI LAGI TERKEJUT TENGOK SEMUA ORANG STILL TIDUR. howww the fuccccc aku sorang je ke dengar benda jatuh tu ahhhhhhh sudahhh what the hell is happening

yes that moment i got really scared i started reciting ayat kursi so many times. until i heard like footsteps in my cube kat tengah cube (tempat pintu masuk and tempat study desks) and we have tikar getah laying on the floor kat tengah cube so it sounded like footsteps jalan atas tikar getah. u know how it sounds kan macam melekat lekat centu. and my horror movie-self shit starts. i literally went to jenguk kat tengah cube HAHAHHAAH memang jawabnya takde sape la yang tengah jalan aduhhhhhh 

time tu cuak ter0k sampai rasa nak lari pergi cube depan tidur dengan athirah (ketua aspuri) because yea she knows shit thats going on.. BUT FUCC dia tidur kat cube danisha la pulak malam tu!!!!!! cube danisha kat ground floor aahhh shhitt. nak kejut fatiha nanti memang dia takut la. takkan nak kejut form 1 agakla. nak pergi side sebelah kena lalu tengah la pulak. 

ended up staying in bed. glad it stopped.

the next day i told aina mardhiah (vice president badar) apparently she lived in my floor too. tapi cube hujung sebelah sana. jauh. i love to share things with her, cerita pasal sleep paralysis ni dgn dia pun sampai nangis. banyak advices and she told me what i should do before sleep. ambil wudhu’ and baca doa and stuff. she told me that dah ramai nampak benda, boleh nampak mostly jin islam. orang pakai baju putih, serban putih. pakai telekung pun ada. 

and yes, that girl that sat beside me tu pakai tudung putih. huhu see?

the nights later, i also had a few more sleep paralysis tapi banyak dengar footsteps je. takut. memang takut. 

but i only had Allah to hold on to. 

#post

[rokurookajima]

once again filling my evening answering questions nobody asked

cherry turnover:  who do you live with? 

i’ve lived by myself for three months now!! it’s cool and there are some things that are really nice about living totally alone like truly never bothering anyone with the shit you’re doing. but im tryna move in with evie soon and we’re hoping to have a place by mid june!!!! we just looked at some today and im jazzed  bananas foster:  do you believe in soul mates?

yes absolutely but like in a specific sense. i don’t believe everyone has like one singular soul mate, and i don’t believe soul mates are exclusively romantic. but i completely believe there are people you’re cosmically supposed to meet, and that sometimes the odds are all against you meeting but you still do, and when you finally meet there is some kind of feeling like you’ve either known each other way longer, or you instantly know they’re going to be so important to you. i think i’ve met more than one soul mate by that definition in my life. one was the guide of a travel group i went on a trip with when i was 16, and i only knew him for a week but we both connected so strong and instantly, and both were clearly affected by it i think we both walked away differently. i’ve never seen him since then and i cried a lot the last day of that trip. but like it definitely wasn’t romantic?? it was just some kind of deep soul connection. i also think you can have friendships that are gonna last forever and those are pretty close to soul mates too. basically i have a lot of very romanticized ideas about people you meet in your life  glazed donut:  would you rather visit a zoo or an aquarium?

prob an aquarium  pumpkin pie:  what were your interests as a child?

i really fuckin loved dinosaurs when i was rlly young, like preschool and kindergarten age. i liked cool rocks a lot too, i had a ton of geodes and crystals and those little stones you could buy at like museum giftshops that i kept in boxes and would just look at all the time. i was rlly obsessed with harry potter when i was like 8 i think that was when i first read the books and there were only five at the time. late childhood (like 4/5th grade) i loved cats on probably a weird level bc wow yeah i was a warrior cats kid, also loved pirates a lot  lemon tart:  how many languages can you speak?

just one unfortunately. i wish i knew a second language but alas  chocolate mousse:  how is your relationship with your parents?

it could probably be better, but i guess it is a lot better than a lot of people my age have. i love my parents but they’re rlly problematic people, and even tho they didn’t mean to, they are the biggest reason i have a lot of the issues i have, and they still do shit that perpetuates it. it’s better in some ways that i don’t live with them now, bc i think some parts of my mental health like my self image are better bc i’m around way more supportive people than them. but also i feel bad bc i don’t make as much of an effort to talk to them as i should since i don’t see them every day. me and my mom have always been pretty close, and i don’t want to lose that. they try sometimes  creme brûlée:  describe your style

american apparel lmao which i can only keep saying for like the next YEAR before that won’t define anything for people. but 4 real a good portion of my wardrobe is from american apparel, and when i shop else ware, it’s still pretty consistent with that style. like very basic cuts and colors of things, only pattern i ever wear is stripes, highwaisted everything, cropped everything. i only wear black white gray and green i am a stereotype  cheesecake:  have you ever visited a sex shop?

lmao yeah more than once. there’s a couple around where i live that i’ve been to a few times, and one in columbus. i’ve never bought anything at one, or gone there with like the intent to purchase stuff. they’re just honestly so funny to walk through and be horrified by the enormous dildos  raspberry sorbet:  favorite clothing stores?

wow i can’t say american apparel anymore im so sad. so uh. i honestly don’t know where im gonna get most of my clothes now. forever 21 and h&m are always good places to find some cheap stuff. i wanna thrift more, but i never seem to have very good luck at finding stuff  green tea ice cream:  who was your first crush?

lmao it was milo thatch from atlantis. but i assume we are talking about a real person that i actually y’know like. could speak to. which was my tumblr boyfriend that i met when i was 17. i met him in a fandom chatroom i ended up in through some other tumblr friends, then kinda started getting some feels when he posted a selfie after we’d already talked in the chat and i was like oh no he’s hot. so wowie a tragic tale of star-crossed lovers  chocolate chip cookie:  how has your life changed over the past year?

i can’t even start to say how much my life has changed over the last year. truly, i don’t think there’s ever been a year in my life that i’ve looked at and been so in awe of how many things happened. but yeah last spring-this spring i went through so many life experiences and firsts and personality changes and struggles and some of the happiest days of my life and by far the fucking worst days of my life. since april last year, i fell in love for the first time, had a real relationship for the first time, became a lot more social, got really close to some of the people i’m now closest to, got high for the first time, lost my virginity, went to big parties, got a lot more social, met a lot of people, saw a lot of new sides of life, questioned a lot of my own beliefs and came to new ones, left the country without my parents, traveled out of state completely by myself, got my heart completely destroyed for the first time, attempted suicide, thought my life would literally not make it to this point, moved out of my house, lived on my own, got stronger, figured some shit out, hooked up with someone at a party, had casual sex for the first time, now i’m hoping to move again in the next few months. i know some of that is like. not actually that exciting, and a lot of it was shit that most people do for the first time in high school, but it was a lot for me. i ended up in a world and lifestyle that i used to write fiction about and romanticize the hell out of, and never thought i’d actually live it first hand. so rlly this last year was fuckin wild for me and in a lot of ways i feel like i’ve aged 60 years, and i’m tired from that much all in one year, but i’m also still kinda naive and clueless so what can u do  berry trifle:  first & last concert you went to?

so wow i don’t go to real concerts. the first was probably some christian band with my family. the last. does the american murder song wake tour count? that was kind of a concert  tapioca pudding:  favorite animated characters?

WOW let me fuckin TELL u my favorite animated characters. number one will always always always be revy from black lagoon. i have never loved a character that much in my life, everything about her is so good. she’s such a goddamn disaster and so well written and complex and so much more than just a typical bad ass female archetype. i love that it’s not just headcanon to read deep into her personality, it’s a huge point of the series. i love that on the surface she is just like. a bad ass with no feeling. then u actually get to the end of the series and she is actually a CHILD inside who is so fuckin insecure and she LOVES ROCK SO MUCH i wanna die. also lust from fullmetal alchemist esp the 2003 anime fuck me ALL THE WAY UP. ed elric, and truly everyone in fullmetal alchemist what a series what a cast of characters.  fudge brownie:  do you like your name?

sometimes. i used to really hate it when i was younger, now it’s changed some. i like still don’t like it when i say it out loud probably bc people 100% of the time think i said cindy and i have to correct them every dang time. but like that i can shorten it to syd which i also used to hate bc toy story (i was a kid ok) but now i like it. there are also those times where people you like say your name and it makes u feel some type of way??? i like it then. so i guess i like it most when other people are saying it u feel me strawberry shortcake:  are you good at keeping secrets?

i mean if it’s my own, absolutely not what the fuck is a secret i am a tragic over sharer about my own shit. but other people’s, yes i’d say so. i feel like a lot of people feel comfortable enough to tell me things they might not tell other people, and i don’t ever feel like it’s a burden to keep a secret y’know?? so it doesn’t like eat at me and make me wanna tell people  tiramisu:  are you daring when it comes to makeup & clothing or do you like to play it safe?

uh i guess somewhere in the middle. like the way i dress isn’t rlly how everyone dresses and i guess in some crowds would be considered pretty different, but i don’t know if its daring bc its not like....that adventurous or out there. esp bc i only wear neutral colors lmao. same with makeup, for the most part, it’s pretty simple but every now and then i like to do something fancier. i feel like the most daring things about me appearance wise are like having a lot of piercings and tattoos??? so y’know make ur daring shit permanent i guess im not that edgy lmao oreo milkshake:  do you sleep a lot?

i feel like i sleep a pretty average amount. i wish i could sleep more bc i’m tired all the time, but way more i wish i could sleep less. i love the idea of being able to just naturally get up early and have so much time in the morning to do shit and enjoy the morning. and i like staying up late. but i’m always tired and even tho i have to get up early most mornings, it’s still a constant struggle and i wish it wasn’t. i’ll sleep pretty late when i get the chance tho

apple crisp:  how do you relax?

guess it depends on what i’m feeling. i like to take baths a lot, or just chill and watch movies and stuff. i love having relaxing hangouts with friends, like just chilling watching movies with people and not needing to do anything else. i wanna do more quote-unquote relaxing stuff, like read and write more, go to yoga classes, shit like that carrot cake:  who is your celeb look alike?

i’ve been told more than once i look like krysten ritter so i will go with her. it’s the bangs macaron:  what is your ethnicity?

white af cinnamon bun:  favorite salty snack?

wow salty snacks are my VICE i love salty shit way more than sweet things. fuck man i love chips of all kinds, i’ve been eating way too many hot cheetos lately, french fries, mcdonalds hash browns, i’m gonna have blood pressure issues from how much i love salt 

#about me #personal #one man harp band