#so i guess im doomed to be a lonely emo kid forever……

[vagueiish]

i don’t wanna have to be the one to reach out to people i think are cool to maybe try and strike up a friendship

i want people to look at me and be like ‘aw, yeah, that dweeb is pretty rad, actually, i wanna be their friend’ and then actually talk to me and then become friends with me

#it’s about the validation you see #it’s about me being worth something in the eyes of others and them wanting me around for me #not even in a bad mood rn. feeling p okay #just……lonely? i guess? #there are people i wanna be friends with but like….idk. if they actually wanted to be friends with me they’d reach out right? #it doesn’t count t if im the one to do it. then there’s a good chance they’re just humoring me or pitying me too much to be like ‘piss off’ #but if they make the first move? that means i’m Somebody #though it’s not like i’d know what to do if anyone *was* like ‘bro you’re rad as hell’ #other than nod silently and stare like o_o #so i guess im doomed to be a lonely emo kid forever…… #someone once told me i have a skewed perception of myself but idk. if that were true…. #i wouldn’t merely be tolerated #people would want me around. right? #i wouldn’t have to be the one to reach out. #but i am. and that’s kinda sad. in a pathetic way. yknow? #though i suppose this is kind of selfish…. #im not even gonna entertain the idea that people actually look at me like ‘golly i sure wish they were *my* friend’ #and secretly admire me but are too shy or scared or whatever to reach out #my imagination isn’t a bloody contortionist #i know im not so amazing as to have silent admirers #but i also know i kind of suck at talking irl so maybe my inability to respond like a human makes it seem like i despise the interaction #rather than the truth that i suck at talking. maybe people have tried and im just too big a dingus to realize #… #but i doubt it lol #to the void with love