#so I’ll be working 4 24h shifts and then 8 hour shifts on 2 of the days I’m meant to have off 🥲

[themechaneer]

🔧

#‟ i am but a sensitive pillar of salt ” || ooc #;—-; so I had plans to start moving Joel to his new blog (yes that’s the decision I’ve made and a thing that’s happening) #but instead my coworker who just got back from vacation last week has left again due to her eldest daughter needing emergency surgery #I’m not mad about that it is what it is and that’s life but #i did just find out aside from doing 4 day shifts till she gets back (not sure when) the coverage we have can only do #shifts with the girlie I work with after 3pm mon & tues since she has another shift both those days from 7-3 #so I’ll be working 4 24h shifts and then 8 hour shifts on 2 of the days I’m meant to have off 🥲 #luckily I’ll have some time off once coworker returns but #if I’m quieter than normal it’s cause I am recovering ; ; and a shell of a human being #on the bright side it’s gorgeous today and I’ll be making more than enough to cover my time off even if I didn’t have pto #love you all 💕 hope you’re having a good timezone sugar plums 💚💚💚

[camillewasthere]

repeat

It's currently 3am and I'm going through old photos. Whenever I look back on time periods, especially through photos, I feel sad + happy. Sad because I'll never be that girl again but happy that I got that experience. I used to be so impulsive and fun. But fun in a way that was mysterious. There were so mnay situatoins that I found myself in that just seemed way too crazy. 30 year old me would never do the things that young 20s me would. Here are some examples!

1) Meeting a random man in Seville. Talking to him. Spending the whole day at the park with him. Staying over his place and going out for croissants and hot chocolate in the morning.

2) Flying across the country to stay a week with someone that I haven't seen in 5 or so years.

3) Sleeping with a dad who had two children lol

4) Walking the streets of Portland alone at 2am and finding a random 24h coffee shop to stay in until it was time for my early flight the next morning.

5) Befriending a newspaper guy in Barcelona who I saw almost every day for the 3 weeks I was there. And said hello to!

6) All of the solo walks I would do in the most random places.

7) Talking to three guys at once lol.

8) Driving an hour or so north to meet with some guy who seemed way more interesting virtually.

Honestly. Main character energy. I miss it a lot. Every time I think of people that are in that stage of their life, I'm almost envious. But I also hope that they're living exactly like they want to be. It's so interesting that I ended up on this side of the fork.

In an alternate life, I would probably be living in Barcelona or somewhere in Europe. Married/dating someone European and teaching English in whatever country I wound up in. Truly a free spirit.

Instead, I chose the stable life. Which is equally as satisfying. It's the mature route. I am officially a nurse and working on a surgical acute floor and I love it. I'm making the money that I deserve for the work ethic that I have. I'm so so so lucky. I was reading the last post I wrote on here and I mentioned the application for Sharp that I applied for. It's fucking wild to think that I got that job. Manifesting works so much. And I think that's why I can be content about my choices. I know that if I wanted to, I could definitely leave everything and pursue the other fork in the road. Literally nothing is impossible in this life.

Arthur recently got a job with United and i'm so stoked because I'm hoping that a little bit of that impulsive Camille comes back.

The biggest "issue" I've been grappling with has been children. 30 is here. This is the decade that I decide if I want kids. And that's fucking terrifying. Not even a decade really. Half a decade. I have 3-5 years of being able to live my life before I fully have to decide. The thought is debilitating to be honest. But there are times where I do get baby fever. I'd love to care for a little mini me. And I know i'd probably be good at it in the beginning. Or just in general because of my understanding spirit. But the idea of childbirth is a fucking mindfuck. Like...... another human literally comes out of this tiny hole and I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life. Having my dogs and committing all this time to them have definitely been an eye opener for me. Having kids officially ends that old era of Camille and starts a completely new one where I'm a mom. So wild that women do this every day.

Anyway. It's now 330. I work night shifts so staying up late has been actually great. Very shocked to say that considering how nervous I was about nightshift originally.

I think it's time for bed though lol.