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expectingtofly · 3 years

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Claire Novak's (Surprisingly) Not-So-Lame Day

this fic is written for @dean-has-great-taste as part of @starrynightdeancas' gift exchange. thanks sophie for organizing this, it was a lot of fun <33 and i hope you enjoy this, gen!!

*****

How did Claire find herself joining Dean, Cas, and Jack for an excursion to the mall?

Well.

Cas had texted her yesterday, with an extreme amount of emojis and emoticons that took some time to decipher, asking if she wanted to go shopping with him, Dean, and Jack. Apparently Jack needed new clothes and they needed a gift for Eileen’s birthday coming up, and maybe they could go bowling or something afterwards.

And normally she would’ve said no way because hanging out with old guys was lame and she didn’t like little kids, but she needed an excuse to get out of Jody and Donna’s weekend plans of cleaning out the garage. Plus, Kaia needed to study for a test—she actually enjoyed school, the weirdo—and had requested no distractions.

So that’s how she found herself sitting in the back of the Impala next to a carseat, listening to one of Dean’s old cassette tapes (which wasn’t too bad, but she’d never admit it).

“What’s that?” Jack asked, stretching against his carseat straps to jab at one of the pins Claire wore on her leather jacket.

“It’s the lesbian flag,” she told him. Cas looked back at them from the front seat, smiling.

“This one?” Jack pointed to the rainbow pin on her pocket.

“It’s the pride flag.”

Jack considered that for a moment before announcing, “I want one. And this one.” He pointed to the mothman pin on her lapel, then the big-eyed, green alien. “And this one... and this one, and this one.” (Alex said she had more pins than leather on her jacket, but sue her, she liked making her clothing her own).

Jack, it seemed, also liked… unique clothing. The kid was wearing rain boots even though the sun was out and overalls with embroidered flowers. He dressed weird, there was no way around it. But so did Cas, so there was probably no hope for him, poor kid.

“Okay,” she decided. “I know where to get you some.”

Jack beamed and swung his legs. “Don’t kick the seat,” Dean told him, and Jack pouted at him.

Claire was surprised Dean even let a carseat in his precious Impala. Pulling out her phone, she asked, “Can we listen to my music?”

Dean started to respond with a “Hell no,” but Cas spoke up first, “Of course.”

Dean spluttered as Claire connected to the bluetooth connector Sam had finally convinced Dean to install. The old man didn’t realize it was the 21st century, apparently.

“I wanna listen to Gaga!” Jack said, leaning over to look at her phone.

At first she thought that was some baby talk, then she realized Jack was into pop music. Ugh. But it would annoy Dean, so...

Leaning in conspiratorially with Jack, she let him scroll through her phone and choose which song to play. When “Born This Way” started filtering through the car, Dean groaned.

“Really?” he asked, sending her a glare in the rearview mirror. Mission accomplished.

Jack clapped along and Cas turned the music up louder. “Great choice, Jack,” he said.

Dean, for all his grumbling, didn’t turn down the music, and Claire caught him glancing at Cas, who tapped his fingers on his thigh to the beat. Dean looked like he was fighting back a smile and Claire rolled her eyes. Dude was so whipped.

When they parked at the mall, Cas grabbed Jack’s hand before he could sprint across the parking lot. “You have to look both ways,” he reminded him gently, and Jack nodded.

“Claire’s gonna buy me pins,” he said, jumping onto the curb.

“Yup.” Claire pat her jacket pocket. “Good ol’ credit card fraud.”

“Woah, now,” Dean started to protest.

“You and Sam are the ones who taught me!” Claire reminded him.

“We’ll pay for them,” Cas said, opening the door to the mall. Jack skipped inside, his rain boots squeaking on the tiled floor.

“We’re doing what now?” Dean asked Cas, taking his hand. Gross.

“Come on, Jack,” Claire said, catching up to the toddler. “Let’s go get you some style.” Over her shoulder, she called, “Meet up with you guys later.”

“Have fun!” Cas called.

“Don’t get kidnapped,” Dean added.

As they distanced themselves from the old geezers, Jack grabbed her hand, and Claire startled a little. “Do you like dinosaurs?” he asked.

Someone passing by gave them a smile, and Claire realized people probably thought Jack was her younger brother. She let him hold her hand anyway. “Sure.”

“What’s your favorite? Mine is the bon-ta-sore-us.” He sounded out the word carefully.

“Don’t know. What’s the one with the spiky horns?”

“Ti-ce-a-tops?”

“Yeah, that sounds cool.”

“That’s my second favorite!” He started jumping from one colored tile to the next. “And the T-Rex. That’s Dee’s favorite. And Dad likes the steg-a-sore-us.” He peered up at her. “Did you know he got to see dinosaurs? Right in front of him!”

“You know what that means, right?” He shook his head. “He’s super old. He’s basically a dinosaur himself.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “He’s a dinosaur,” he repeated in a hushed whisper.

“Yup.” Spotting Hot Topical, she headed that way. “You should tell him that.”

Inside the store, Jack let go of her hand to grab a stuffed cat. “Claire! Like yours!”

Claire rolled her eyes. “Yeah.” So, she still had the Grumpy Cat Cas had bought her. She wasn’t cruel enough to throw it away when the guy was trying so hard to make up for walking around in her dead dad’s body. Plus, the stuffed animal was kinda cute. Not that she was going to tell anyone that.

“Here ya go,” she told Jack, finding a box of pins at the register. She brought the box down to his level and Jack ran over to look inside.

“I want a Doc McStuffins pin,” he said, plunging his hand into the box.

“I don’t know if they have those.”

As they rooted through the box of pins, she heard familiar voices and looked up to see Dean and Cas walking inside.

“What are you guys doing here?” she asked.

“I like this store,” Cas said and Dean rolled his eyes. Among the pleather and black, Cas’ dingy old trench coat—over a Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt instead of a suit—and Dean’s ratty flannel and boots only looked more ridiculous. She took it back—even Jack dressed better than them.

“You guys don’t have to be in here,” she told them.

“What, we’re too old?” Dean asked defensively.

“Yeah, actually.”

Cas poked at a toy and it squeaked. God, could they be any more embarrassing?

“Dad!” Jack called, holding out a rainbow pin. “Look, they have soo many.” Cas joined Jack in going through the pins and Claire asked Dean, giving his outfit a meaningful look,

“Was the Army Surplus store too trendy for you?”

“Did they kick you out of Sephora for buying up all the eyeliner?“ Dean shot back.

Touché. In a truce, she held out a pin with the bisexual flag. She wasn’t really sure what Dean identified as, if he even gave it any thought, but guessed it was close enough. “For you.”

Dean rolled his eyes but took it. “I’m not weighing down my jacket with this crap, though.”

“No, ‘course not, that would mean having any sort of style.”

“Can I help you with anything?” asked an employee with two nose rings and jewelry up and down their ears— so cool. Claire saw the way their eyes flicked between them, probably thinking they made a weird group, and she took a step back, trying to silently communicate that yes, she was shopping with them, but no, she was not as lame as them.

“Just looking,” Dean told them.

“I like your drawings,” Jack said and the employee looked down at their arms which were littered with tattoos.

“Thanks.”

“My dad has a drawing. It’s Enochian.”

The employee—Wren, by the name tag—looked at Cas with new respect in their eyes. “Language of the angels. Sick.”

Cas looked pleased. “Thank you. It’s come in handy more than once.”

The employee went back to looking confused and, starting to walk away, told them to call if they needed anything.

“Do you want anything?” Cas asked Claire, and Claire looked through the box. She grabbed a pentagram pin and, seeming to copy her, Jack grabbed another one, clutching several pins already in his fists.

“You like bees, right?” Claire asked Cas, spotting a “Save the Bees” pin. She held it up for him.

Cas’ eyes brightened. “That’s a wonderful message.” He glanced back at Dean and frowned. “Dean, they’re not going to bite.”

Claire looked over to see Dean shying away from a few emo teens. “Look like it,” Dean muttered, joining them. Jack lifted up his hands, asking to be hoisted up. Dean set him on his hip and Jack showed him the pins he’d selected. He held a dinosaur pin to Dean’s collar.

“Do you want one, Dee?”

“He’s too lame,” Claire piped up. Not for the first time, she noticed the healed over piercing mark on Dean’s right ear and pointed to it. “Looks like he used to be cool, though.”

“Yeah, guess so,” Dean said dryly. His hand went to his earlobe. “Pierced it myself, in high school.”

“I think you’re still cool,” Cas told him, and Claire fake-gagged, making Jack giggle.

Cas took the pins to the cash register where Wren rang them up. Dean added the bisexual flag pin and Claire threw in a pair of spiky earrings, because, hey, they were paying.

“15.36,” Wren told them, dropping the pins into a bag.

“My dad’s a dinosaur,” Jack told them, trying to see over the edge of the counter. Wren raised an eyebrow, Cas looked surprised, and Claire stifled a laugh.

“Claire, help me,” Jack said, grabbing the bag from Cas as they exited the store. Moving to the side, Claire helped him attach the pins to his overalls. A smiley face, a pride flag, a grinning Stitch, a sunflower, a dinosaur, and the pentagram. The pins clacked as Jack tugged at his overalls, trying to look at them all. Overall, a chaotic look, but it kinda matched his vibe.

“Lookin’ good,” she told him, and Jack beamed.

“I’m like you!”

Alright, she wouldn’t take it that far, but, “Yeah, close enough.”

Cas attached the “Save the Bees” pins to his trench coat pocket and it ended up crooked. Rolling her eyes, Claire said, “Let me.”

She reattached the pin and stepping back to look it over, decided, “You could actually make that coat look cool if you added more stuff to it.”

Cas looked down at himself. “Thank you.”

“Nothing’s gonna save that sweatshirt, though.” Couldn’t let his ego get too big.

“Dean said he liked it,” Cas said, glancing back at Dean, who was shooting an evil eye at Claire. He quickly wiped it off his face and draped an arm over Cas’ shoulders.

“Yeah, it’s uh… Charming.” He guided Cas away from Claire. “Don’t listen to her, she still thinks sarcasm is a personality trait.”

“Screw you, old man,” she called. Jack skipped after them and she checked her phone to see Kaia had texted her: How’s everything going? They drive you crazy yet?

They’re so weird, she texted back. Then she added, They’re not too bad.

“Come on, Jack,” she said, hurrying to catch up with him, Dean, and Cas. “Let’s go get our ears pierced.”

“Yay!” Jack cheered. He grabbed her hand and tugged her down the mall.

“Woah, woah, you’re not doing that,” Dean protested like the wet blanket he was.

“You can get yours pierced too,” Claire told him, and he faltered,

“I don’t want, we’re not—“

“You know you want to.” She let Jack lead her away and Dean called after them,

“We're never bringing you shopping again!”

Grinning, she turned to shout over her shoulder, “You know you love me!”

#starrynightdeancas gift exchange #established dean/cas #claire novak #toddler jack #dadstiel #fic #spn #expectingtoflywrites #im gonna post this on ao3 as soon as i figure out a summary lol

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loiskane · 3 years

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sometimes i hate i’m so terrible in conversation. just this night i was on a doctor who discord server playing a game with a group of people. after a couple of rounds it was just a conversation and the topic turned to feminist topics and then lgbt topics, like biphobia. and i wanted to contribute but when several people talk at once i just stop talking because i don’t like talking over people but often the conversation moves on before i can say what i want. which is kinda what happened (the person who was talking about biphobia was talking about her own experience) and i had stuff to say but i didn’t end up saying much as it so often happens

what i do mind is that a bit later someone else said she’s asexual(!!!) and i wanted to say that i am too but the same thing happened and there wasn’t another occasion to bring it up later without sounding cringy.

also i’m basically new to this group and i always feel i need to unlock an advanced level of knowing people before i share personal stuff about myself. especially when i’m among people who already know each other which is most of this group. it’s only 3 of them who i’ve spoken to several times on the other doctor who server, as all 4 of us are active there and others a little less so.

i also don’t really say much that i’m ace, i said it only one time out loud to people i’ve known for years. and the other time was over messages and to someone who’s also ace and saw my insta bio that has an ace flag of emojis. considering i only figured it out for sure last summer and for obvious reasons i don’t meet many people nowadays. oh and i also said it to a friend i know from school, it’s my oldest friendship and she already figured i’m probably not straight and i just clarified.

nwm before i figured it out i did talk about it a classmate during our masters years (in 2017 or 2018 i think) who casually asked about my sexuality and i said “i considered asexuality” but i’m not sure. and now i can think of two separate times of talking about it pre 2020 summer, once was more about asexuality in general, to a friend who also an MA classmate, after an article about demisexuality was posted in a feminist group we’re both in. i said i related to it. (this was in the same year probably)

then couple months later we were at an event were you had these things called “live books” where people act as kind of library books and you can talk to them about their identity. we talked to someone who’s ace. and then obviously my friend and i talked about it too although she was talking more as i was having what you would call an existential crisis.

i think the only other time i said anything was in 2018 september when we had a get to know you event with the 1st year MA students and aforementioned friend and i were talking to one of the students who’s a lesbian and sexuality came up and i said i’m bi but probably on the ace spectrum.

i’m going off track the point is i should’ve said i’m ace like how rare it is to meet another ace person irl (kind of, this is a hungarian dw server). i want to join more of these game sessions in the future so i hope i’ll have the chance to say something at some point. she’s one of the people who are also active in the other server but that one is larger and personal conversations like this aren’t likely to happen. also idk how accepting people are, most of them seem okay based on the vibe when queer stuff comes up, but you never know. in terms of politics i don’t think anyone is super conservative but i think most of them are less progressive and feminist than i am, although it’s hard to say with these things when we mostly talk about dw (and none of them are the sexist 13 era hater kind). interestingly, the 3 people who are also active on this server and were there tonight def never gave me conservative vibes or anything like that (and neither did anyone else there who was there for the convo although it seems lot of them don’t like clara so that will be interesting).

so yeah apparently i have a hard time coming out who knew. (i knew). and also there’s always that doubt that what if i’m not ace, not bi(romantic). and i’m about 99% sure with the ace part and mostly sure about romantic attraction so like??? also i felt weird relating to the biphobia experience seeing as i’m not completely bisexual?? and sometimes talking to my friend who’s aroace makes me feel less ace bc i really don’t think i’m aro so idk. mostly, i just idk, that’s the problem.

#personal #asexuality #dw fandom #lgbtq

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des-draws · 5 years

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it's officially July but I'm still on pride mode!!! can't stop won't stop

Here are my lgbt+/queer hcs for class 1(g)A(y)!!! Here's what they are in case you don't recognize all of the flags (bc let's be real before I started coloring this I wouldn't recognize at least a few of them either ;^; ), strap in bc it's going to get l o n g:

(also they’re listed in the order they’re shown in the deviantart post rather than this one oop)

- Ojiro is trans!! I feel like he prefers being stealth but still celebrates with all his classmates because it's such a special occasion :') - Tooru is pan and a demigirl!!! It's her first pride and she's hyped!!!! And full of love!!!!! Love Is Stored In The Tooru!!! - Todoroki is a gay demiboy!! His trauma has made his experience with gender rather vague and blurry but he's still happy to have a label to somehow describe himself!! He's using End*vor's credit card to buy all of his friends pride merch!! - Midoriya is bi and trans!! He's been so happy to see his friends discover themselves and even more so to see them celebrating :') - Iida is bi!! As the second of the three members of the Rich Kids Club, he also wants to support and reaffirm his friends by buying them pride stuff!! - Kirishima is gay and trans!! I hc that he's been basically the class' go-to for gender identity/sexuality stuff bc he's been out-and-proud since Day 1 until pretty much everyone had a big coming-out ("I'm gay!" "Cool! I think I might be bi! :0c" "I...might...not be a girl???" "I'm pretty sure I'm [ace/genderfluid/etc.]" "What's that?" "Oh, it's [...]" "...might have to look into that. I think it might fit me too?" " :'D !!!!! " ) (he probably cried bc he was so proud of everyone) and then things calmed down a bit . He's a tinsy bit sad ppl no longer come to him for it but he pushes it down because he's just so!!!!!! happy to be surrounded by so many ppl like him!! - Bakugou is gay, trans and demisexual!! The last part was the hardest for him to figure out and he spent a lot of time being confused at other people, it was when Sero shared his own orientations that he thought maybe he wasn't as alone as he had thought :') - Uraraka is bi!! She's spent years thinking her crushes on girls were just her being jealous/wanting to be friends with them/not as important/stong as the crushes she's had on boys. She's getting over that internalized stuff now and I'm proud of her!! - Tsuyu is a trans girl and a lesbian!! She's been very open about wanting people to call her "Tsuyu-chan" because she chose that name herself!! And she's so happy that everyone here is supportive of her and each other!! - Yaomomo is also a lesbian!! This is her first pride, she's so excited to see all these people with different identities and experiences come together, and while she could easily create pride merch herself she much rather prefers supporing the indepentent LGBT+/Queer creators selling their own! (Hence why she bought two different variations of the lesbian flag for both her and Jirou!) (and probably many more of the stuff you see everyone wearing lol) - (Speaking of,) Jirou is also also a lesbian and also nonbinary!! Her only connection to girlhood is her love for other girls, but other than maybe updating her wardrobe a little she doesn't mind presenting femininely. - Sero is asexual, demiromantic and genderflux!! He's v. chill about everything, he probably found out and was like "Oh. Ok cool. I'm hungy" like he has a very laid-back attitude abt his identity/orientation but he Will defend his friends' to hell and back. Group mom heck yea - Kaminari is bi and nonbinary!! He was scared shitless to the point of losing sleep when he started figuring out that he miiiight like boys too, and even more so when he realised he might not even be a boy?? Thankfully being surrounded by so many supportive people (and having Kirishima as one of his closest and more trustworthy friends) helped him accept himself :') - Mina is pan and trans!! She's always been very open about being a Romantic™ but rather than being the Disaster Pan that gets flustered around everyone, she's the Disaster Pan that flirts shamelessly using Terrible pick up lines ("If we were dating...heh.....let's just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore ;) " was the first ever thing she said to Kirishima, which earned her an extremely confused and somewhat flustered "I'm????ga y???? ???????" (it was the first time he'd admitted it out loud so he kinda thanks her for that) ) - Tokoyami is bi and trans!! A while back I read a fic that happened to have trans Tokoyami in it and was like "You know what. Yeah I can see it!" Emo culture is probably what helped him realize, with it playing around with and disregarding gender stereotypes and everything. - Aoyama is transmasculine, genderfluid and aromantic!! For the longest time he'd much rather have people mistake him for a feminine/gnc boy rather than a girl. It took him a while to come to terms with his aromanticism, since pretty much everyone expected him to be gay- he kinda expected it himself too, since he never liked girls that way, so?? But when he found out about the term "aromantic" it was like a weight lift off his shoulders. - Shoji is netrois and androsexual!! He knew he liked boys early but he's avoided dealing with figuring out his gender out of fear that he'd be disappointed- he's only ever seen nonbinary/genderqueer people depicted as androgynous and much smaller in stature than himself, so he thought he'd never fit. Seeing everyone else come out (especially the other nonbinary classmates of his), he stopped hesitating and starting working on coming to terms with himself!! - Satou is asexual and panromantic!! I don't really have much reasoning for this, I never really thought about it (or Satou himself) but when the time came to draw this I was like "Satou likes baking.....and puns are ace culture......FOOD PUNS!!! OF COURSE!!!" I'm sorry glkjhklhfdlkhj; - Koda is a trans boy!! He's had trouble recognizing it at the start because he's always been soft-spoken (almost nonverbal) and timid and kind, and """"those aren't traits of a boy""""" but he was so happy when he hit puberty and started growing So Much in stature due to his genes and people started "mistaking" him for a boy!! He came out to his parents almost immediately bc compassion and kindness seems to run in the family and he knew he'd be accepted even if they didn't completely understand!! He was more scared to come out to his classmates but when two, three, four of them come out and are accepted for being trans boys, he knows he'll be safe with them too. - And finally, last but not least, Aizawa is gay and trans!! He might act somewhat aloof about this stuff, but secretly he's very happy that his kids students all have eachother's support, and most of them their families'. Part of him is a little bitter and wishes he had the same kind of support system in their age, but he's going to be there for them if they need him nonetheless. He has his own support system now, and that matters a lot, too.

But wait!! There's M O R E !!!!! - I always love love LOVE how fanartists/editors give some of the characters more animal-like features, so I did that too!!! I went Full-on-Frog with Tsuyu (and I'm rather proud of how she came out (lol) ), but also I gave Mina some Sharp Chompers and a Fluffy lil' tail bc It's What She Deserves, and Ojiro a lil' toof poking out and ears that sharpen a lil bit at the tips? I hc that as he grows, other than his tail he'll start growing more animal features like that- sharper teeth, longer ears, claws and also, get ready.....pawbeans........the last ones give him Heck when they start growing out, and he needs his palms massaged at least once a day while they do :'( His legs get weird too and they end up looking more like a wolf's back legs :0c - I gave a lot of them freckles!!!! bc I Love Freckles!!!!!! also, as my sister very eloquently pointed out, I gave Uraraka "A R M S,,,,," bc. let's be honest. the girl got martial training she's not a twig - Sero is holding the polyamorous flag behind himself, Kaminari and Mina bc.. u guessed it,, they're all dating each other,,,,, lotsa smooches and cuddling and shenanigans bc there's only maybe one(1) braincell between the three of them and most of the time sero has it - Todoroki, Midoriya, Iida, Kirishima, Bakugou, Tsuyu, Yaomomo, Koda and Aizawa are also autistic. Yes all of them. No I won't explain. (unless you ask in good faith and want to share your own hcs pls ask me then I'll explain everything and you can expect it to be as long as this description!!!!!) (I might draw something about it when it's April again maybe *thinking emoji* ) - Oh!!! and Tooru, Kaminari and Mina are ADHD. Kirishima is also dyslexic. - Bakugou has been losing his hearing ever since he entered U.A.- sure he's always used his quirk but never freely to that extend and with so much power behind it, so getting into fight after fight with such close proximity to explosions that big really did a number on his ears. He can hear a little better with the right one than the left, so Kirishima has gotten used to walking by his right side before his custom hearing aids came in, and then just stuck to that. Bakugou's custom hearing aids block out any noise above a certain volume bc let's assume technology has advanced to do that. When he and Kirishima started thinking about working together as heroes even after they graduate, Bakugou requested custom ear protectors with similar block-out features as his hearing aids for Kirishima so his ears aren't damaged by working so close to Bakugou (Kirishima cried). - I'm actually quite flexible on which of the two I hc as trans, or if I hc both of them to be. The "both gay + demi Bkg" is pretty set in my interpretation of them, but I find it interesting how their friendship/relationship could manifest and grow somewhat differently depending on if both of them are trans or if only one of them (and depending on which one of them it is). They're still the same loud rowdy boyes we know and love but there's different conversations to have and difficulties to tackle between them based on that factor alone, and frankly? I Adore It.

Okay that's all!!!! I think. Thanks for reading, if you did!! And if not, I completely understand lol

I hope you had a great pride month!!

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peri · 5 years

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❗🥰🏳️‍🌈🤔?

THANK U NOVA I APPRECIATE U SM

❗ when/how did you realize you were LGBT+?

skipping details of all my questioning and life-long suppression due to living in a extremely religious and homophobic household, i’d say i officially “realized” when i got a huge crush on an old bi friend (now ex) and found myself saying yes when she asked me out. this was maybe back in late 2016? idk for sure, timelines are hard for me. and yes it took me getting in a relationship to finally “realize” (or at least start identifying as lgbt)

🥰 have you ever been to a pride parade?

unfortunately no :

im hoping to go someday!!

🏳️‍🌈 do you own any pride things? flags, pins, etc?

no for the same reason listed above :

🤔 did you have any childhood signs that you were LGBT+?

so. fucking. MANY.

the only reason i hadnt embraced it / identified as it / etc etc sooner was Only due to the fact i was made to feel ashamed and hide my feelings abt these things. this goes for both my gender and sexuality.

sexuality-wise, ive always loved girls. i never saw anything personally wrong with girls kissing girls / anyone who wasnt a guy even from a very young age which, i didnt understand when my parents would point and say thats bad. but because of their behavior and hatred toward it, and my used-to-be quiet nature, i learned to not voice myself on it around them that eventually led to self-hatred and a tough time accepting myself for a long while. many more signs of my sexuality throughout my life i could list but yknow.

gender-wise, ive always felt a disconnect to gender. as y’all know, im nonbinary - agender if we wanna be specific. i feel no connection to gender whatsoever, but just use the umbrella term of nb more commonly.

anyways, tying up with my butchness as well i suppose, i never liked wearing makeup. my sister is big on makeup and has been ever since she learned how to use it. she used to always wanna put makeup on me and ive only allowed it like 3 times in my life, however every time led to me feeling really bad and i wasnt sure why / couldnt identify it bc i thought for a long time that i was a “girly girl” and even a femme when i first started using the lesbian term. but yeah i just really didnt like it and i wasnt sure why, considering all those things. spoiler alert: it made me dysphoric. as did everything i used to do to attempt to perform femininity because it caused me to be seen as female, tying me to a binary which i later learned was very damaging to me.

i remember the first time she put makeup on me, i was probably 5? 6? and it was only lipstick and some eyeshadow + blush i think. but after 5 minutes of it on, i panicked. i wasnt sure why at the time. i remember vividly, i wiped it off in the middle of the room and said “this isnt me, this isnt me!” and started crying and my sister made fun of me for being over-dramatic and told the whole family about it. at the time i wasnt sure why i had that reaction and didnt know until i embraced the fact i was nonbinary and also butch. so like. double-whammy. (not to say nbs cant wear makeup! we absolutely can. but for me, being afab, makes me uncomfortable and dysphoric.)

i kinda went on a longish one abt my gender didnt i. KDJDDJF i could say MUCH MORE abt it all bc talking abt gender is like. almost a special interest to me?? i love talking abt it all.

❓ when did you start questioning?

sexuality, i started seriously questioning the label of it all around age 14/15 id say, and facing thats what i actually was finally.

gender, i never rly had a … “questioning” moment for? i kinda just always. was. just didnt have the words for it. which ig u can say the same for my sexuality, but this was much easier for me to accept once i found the label for it. however i didnt come out abt it until i met my gf actually, bc i used to think it didnt matter enough to mention since, at the time, she/her pronouns were fine with me and everything like that (which i ofc later found out makes me v uncomfy, alongside other things like that) but im rly glad i did and embraced it more and allowed myself to be my most authentic self💚

💚send me an emoji asking pride month questions!

#aiden talks to gems #schlurplek #aiden's prompts #tysm 4 asking sm i love talking abt this stuff

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holeybubushka · 7 years

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UD kids fan fiction of choice

So this post came from a discussion @bigcatchuck19 an I had when we discovered there are 69 stories on Ao3 from writers shipping professional English Premier League footballers Dele Alli and Eric Dier. Which I LOVE and find hilarious and kinda sweet (even if I am a little offput by real person fic). The conversation than devolved into ‘do you think Hannah would find Dele Alli hot” and then “would Hannah read Dele Alli fan fiction?”

So now I’m wondering, if the UD kids were real, what fanfiction and or naughty stuff would they read? I’ve never given it much though but here are my preliminary ideas.

Ashley: Ash reads EVERY kind of fan fiction. M/F, F/F and M/M plus some weird mythical creatures/human stories. She loves everything from g rated stories to NC-17 lark. She never read Fifty Shades of Grey cause anyone with even a cursory knowledge of BDSM would shun those books like no bodies business. Ashley would be great to talk about fandom related stuff cause she’s thought about it deeply and has creative ideas. She’s also written fic but doesn’t want to tell anyone about it (even Chris) despite the fact it’s really good (even the kinky parts).

Chris: I don’t see Chris reading much and being in fandom. I don’t see Chris as a big reader at all, although he knows Ash is engaged in fandom so he tries to get into it for her sake. She doesn’t really want him to get involved, but he will happily listen to her theories and ideas about her favourite fandom and favourite pairing.

Jess: I absolutely think has read the odd piece of fan fiction, although she would DIE before telling anyone that. Probably fan fic based off her favourite show. Definitely prefers canon m/f pairings although she reads a lot of f/f stuff and never tells a soul about it.

Emily: I don’t see Emily reading a lot of fan fiction. She shunned bullshit novels like Fifty Shades of Grey. Knows about Jess’s fic reading habits but out of best friend solidarity does not tell anyone.

Mike: Mike is secret filth and reads a lot of NC-17 stuff. Hey, he’s a boy with an active imagination. He likes m/f the best but will read f/f stuff. He’s curious to read a m/m story but has never had the guts to click on one. He also read some weird kinky stories which means he should talk to Ashley but neither of them have breathed a word to each other.

Hannah: Reads lots of fan fiction. Lots and lots of g-rated M/F malarkey about her favourite books, tv series and even real people fic (although probably not Dele alli/Eric Dier stories @bigcatchuck19). As she’s grown and become more curious she has read the odd more mature m/f story, especially if the main male lead looks like Mike, She has read stuff like Fifty Shades of Grey but won’t tell the others about her fan fiction reading habits (well, besides Beth and Sam, but they don’t count they practically know everything about her). She has clicked on the odd m/m story but doesn’t want to read anything too graphic.

Sam: I don’t see her reading a lot. I think she’s more into real life stuff when she reads (about nature, science, outdoor stuff). She has read the odd piece only cause she knows Hannah is into it and is curious why she likes it so much but she isn’t much of a fandom person. Oh well. Guess she can’t be perfect, right?

Beth: Pretends she doesn’t, but she does. Only F/F stuff and WOE BEFALL YOU if you start shipping a queer female character with a guy because she will fandom go to war against you. She is not super engaged like Ash, and prefers to read novels instead of online stories but definitely likes a lot of the well thought out and well written lesbian content online. She also sorta reads some pretty explicit f/f stuff even though she is faintly embarrassed about it. (until Sam finds out, and then wants to read it with her, much to Beth’s mortification. She won’t let Sam do it, but Sam is hopeful one day to convince her, cause Beth embarrassed and also a little hot and bothered is the best thing ever).

Matt: Matt does not read fan fiction. At all. In fact, he’s a little concerned about it when Hannah one day tells him people read real person fic about famous sports stars, cause then Matt starts to think, what if people write real person fic about ME! Hannah tells him she would read a real person fic about him, and Matt is a bit charmed despite himself. Once they start dating (shut up, Mannah would be great! Just think about it ;) ) Matt is a little disturbed when he reads a little bit of Hannah’s fifty shades book. Thankfully for them both, Hannah doesn’t really want to try anything in there and they go back to having safe, beautiful, vanilla sex together.

Josh: I could see Josh reading everything like Ash cause he’s a curious guy and doesn’t have any hang ups. I think he may have been more into it as a kid when he retreated into himself a bit when his illness was a bit overwhelmingly. He and Ash sometimes talk about fandom stuff together, and if he finds anything really filthy from a fandom Ash will like he will email or message it to her with a winky emoji and tell her she should try some of this with.....whichever guy she ends up dating #winky emoji#

So that’s it! I haven’t thought about this too deeply but I would be interested in discovering what people think. Oh, and you can’t dissuade me about my firm conviction Mike is a nC-17 fic reading fiend. Fly your freak flag, son, I support you. Respond and tell me what you think.

@transchrishartley @gratuitousitalics @sammygiddings @sammythepsycho @makkapitew and @bigcatchuck19 and anyone else!

#until dawn #this fandom #i swear #i'm so trash #i blame mike for this

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