#she's just a highly compressed pit bull

[spoonyruncible]

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I always forget that sometimes I get medically sick in a way that makes no sense but is also dramatically debilitating. Dramatically. Like, I sleep sixteen hours at a time, I have all the symptoms of a high fever with no fever, my stomach is ruined, I become moderately delirious, my anxiety spikes, and my whole body breaks out in a rash that looks a lot like measles. This lasts anywhere between four days to five weeks.

I dunno, I figure at some point I just kind of accepted it happens and that no one would ever help me. But I also kind of just put it in the back of my mind all the time because there doesn't seem to be any fixing or predicting it. Heat seems to, if not bring it on, at least make it significantly worse as I begin my Agonies ( I call this phenomenon my Agonies) by sweating so constantly that I am stickier than a lint roller and twice as miserable. There are chills, of course, there are always chills.

But the thing is that, through the joint pain and the extreme exhaustion, through the sweat slick fever mist, I always make sure my dog gets her goddamn walkies.

At the end of the day I'm the sort of a thing that's just going to feel bad rather a lot of the time. Much of this is no one's fault. But Rose doesn't know any of that, she just wants to sprint through the hot July air eating all the moths she can catch. And what I know is that, before she came to me, she was dumped in a crate full of her puppies which means that the most important reason for me is to make sure this stupid little animal is happy and loved no matter how terrible I feel. And I have felt terrible. I've missed two weeks of appointments, only barely made it to the pharmacy today (and my pharmacist had worried about me), and just kinda got by with the groceries I had on hand. But I'm not letting down my dog. I can't do shit to look after me, but I can haul my miserable corpse upright long enough to take care of dog.

#i am ninety percent sure i am on the tail end of it #also as a bonus i didn't get any hallucinations this time #personal post #i think that goes without saying really #i am very small and i have no money #but i actually do keep rose pretty well in toys and snacks #this is seriously the best dog I've ever met #i've known dogs who were straight up people and she's not one of those #she's just a highly compressed pit bull #and when she's happy she will run at me do a kickflip off my chest and then turn it into a barrel roll and repeat #i love her so very much #when i first met her she was scared of everything all the time and cried and cried and cried even when i shut the bathroom door #she still hates when i leave but now she's a proper terror #oh also she ate my thermometer #i was in the bathroom for two minutes and she ate it #i.... am actually still very sick #but i did make it to the pharmacy! #so that's a win #also groceries i have on hand is not as concerning as it sounds #i have food issues so i always have apocalypse bunker level supplies #i am never gonna go hungry #not on my fucking watch #that is fucking over and done with #not living no place where i'm afraid to eat #just ignore this as i am plainly still in the throes of delirium