#she hasnt texted me about it at all

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

My cousin randomly messaged my mom in the middle of the night asking to crash at our place this weekend 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

This definitely won't fuck with my routine at all 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Im going to be soooo normal about it

#i love my cousin and dont mind getting to see her cuz its been over a year #but unexpected changes 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #theyre great arent they 🙃🙃🙃🙃 #idk why shes suddenly coming up to visit #she hasnt texted me about it at all #my moms a lil upset cuz she took thursday friday and monday off for her birthday and now she has to spend her bday #cleaning her office and setting it up for my cousin to sleep in (im gonna help) #but like. mom. you couldve said no. #there are other relatives she could stay with #idk maybe im just a bitch but if someone randomly asked to interrupt my vacation i would simply say no #that being said it would be nice to get to hang out with her without her creepy ass grandpa hanging around and eavesdropping #like i doubt theyre still monitoring her phone since i dont think she lives with them anymore #but its hard to get past that paranoia that people are monitoring our conversations when we text when i know its happened before #so we dont text each other mucj #and i cant fully relax when we do #its not like im saying anything bad or inappropriate or whatever but i still dont need some rich oil company catholic #reading over all my texts

[navramanan]

Sent a risky text. Shaking

#it's to a friend from my hometown #she's beyond horrible at staying in touch and she knows and we've had arguments about this before i even moved out #now i've just been feeling like. it's a basic sign of caring for her to hit me up when she knows i'm back in town #and she hasnt. she doesnt. and idk i felt????? like i'm not important to her at all #for her to think i have this friend. she moved countries. she only comes back few times a year for two weeks each #there arent many opportunities for me to see her. so i would like to use the time she's back and find a day in those TWO WEEKS #but beyond that just hitting me fucking upppppppp when you know i'm back in town!!!!!! #fuck i dont need to be saying these things. isnt it a basic thing to do? #another friend does it! she texts me saying when i'll be back again so we can meet bc she misses me #she says she is really busy but she will find time to see me. and she fucking does #i dont believe that ''no time'' stupid ass excuse anymore. i make time. others i know make time #but yeah man wtf i dont want a friendship to feel like work man. why does she do this to me when i value her so much #otherwise it wouldnt hurt me like it does #nesi rants

[orgasming-caterpillar]

Girl can you please shut tf up i have a life i can't reply to your fandom ramblings twenty times a day i need to write my own fics do my hw go to school all while being actively traumatized every fucking day if you make me feel bad for not replying to you on time one more time I'll kms

#bro this girl keeps texting me every other hour #just because her school hasnt started yet doesnt mean i have 13 hours that i can waste on ao3 and tumblr every day like her #this is getting toxic i might just block her #like once a day is fine #but she texts me when i fucking wake up and then when i come back from school and then when i wake up from my nap and then when im doing my- #-homework and then when im having dinner and then im about to go to sleep and this all repeats the next day #im fucking exhausted of her #because i never once talk about the fics that IM writing #she doesnt even write #she has like one fic in progress #she just fries my fucking brain with her ideas and never even writes them #not to mention they're pulled completely out of her ass like not related to the canon at all #'so like what if he had a sister and that sister was blah blah blaah and then she blah blah blah because blah blah blah' im so fucking tired

[girlwinner]

lifeblogging begins....girl asked me out today AND i don't knowhow to tell her no 😭

#NO OKAY LISTEN RIGHT shes been texting me for a whileeee and she used to like me YEARS ago Literally full on told me and we didnt talk for #ages Then she starts messagjngme again And keeps making like weird things thag we have in common?😭 #one time my friends were making fun of me for having rice for breakfast And i wrote rice onnmy friends hand And then she sat next to this #girl in her class and told her about me having rice THE NEXT DAY SHEEEE BRINNGGS UPPP RICE AND SAYS SHE HAS IT FOR BREAKFAST SOMETIMES #ITWAS JUST REALLY LIKE.😭😭😭 #BUT I NEED TO TELL HER NO BECAUSE I GOT A GIRLFRIEND BUT LIKEE I CSNT SAY NO she hasnt said its explicitly romantic You know? just said #do you want to go out And well i cant work with that AT ALL. B3CAUSE IT WPUKD BE SO RUDE TO GO ummm No sorry. and it's would be so #self entered to be like Umm i have a girlfriend🤓 YOU KNOW?! #god this blog is great i love lifeblogging

[ouchhq]

why am i always the dispensable friend

#i replied to a friends voice messages over three weeks ago and she still hasnt replied #she listened but hasnt replied because i always assumed she was too busy #and of course i dont expect her to reply as soon as she has a free moment im not that sef-centered i know she works and has stuff to do and #of course she has every right to relax and do whatever she wants but i just saw a story she posted being out with a friend and i just kinda #remembered that i tend to let everything pass for everyone. in one of those messages i told her how bad i was feeling and how i felt like i #couldnt go on on my own and probably will need meds… and she listened and texted me about a week ago saying she was sorry she hadnt replied #yet and she wanted to know how i was (without asking of course) and them proceeded to update me on herself #and since has only texted to talk about her stuff #u know what im about sick and tired of being the one who validates others getting nothing at all in return ever #im always the one that people can rely on to listen to them but to people im clearly nothing more than that

[calpalsworld]

a therapist told me i probably have OCD once but I thought she was wrong, but I'm starting to realize shes probably right. Sadly the thing that is causing this realization is Wapeach. I am trying very very extremely hard to not think about her right now. to just. let. it. go. but the thoughts and feelings of how angry she makes me keeps popping up. And here I am making a tumblr post about her. The compulsion in action.

#guy who hasnt been formally diagnosed with OCD because the OCD is triggered over very strange things ??? #after this post i WILL NOT obsess over wapeach and i will NOT compulsively post about her or text people about how angry she makes me #I will be normal. i will get homework done. my thoughts will be normal. i will ignore any intrusive thoughts over wapeach. #i will not let her get to me. i will not obsess over her all day. i will put my brain back on the right track and do work. #i will not engage with wapeach. #I DONT HAVE OCD IM SO FUCKING NORMAL LOOK AT ME GUYS IM NORMAL #TELL ME IM NEUROTYPICAL #* shaking you * #* lets you go * #* smiles and runs away *

[sweet-milky-tea705]

.

#argued with my mom some more today about palestine over instagram #she had sent me a video yesterday morning about released prisoners praising hamas and calling for violence. it had no sources and the #translations were likely not correct whatsoever. #we have texted back and forth for two full days now and she hasnt budged at all #i don't understand it. i really dont. i dont know what to do either #her birthday is tomorrow #shes a kind person who is dedicated to helping people and yet constantly undermines her own beliefs #i dont understand how she can justify whats happening in palestine and support israel ugh im ranting idk why im posting this vent honestly

[brainjuicey]

my mind is so funny for making me relive my worst nightmares and memories everytime I go to sleep

#my uncle is threatening to harm me and my family again but especially me this time for some reason but this time we're making a case #and if it goes to trial ill have to testify even though he hasnt come up to the house and ive never seen the text messages #and i have all my end of year assignments due rn and im dying from stress #and i still havent passed my drivers license its all so #overwhelming #and then i have to go and dream about the christmas i went to visit my bff and ex in germany #and crashing at my bffs house he got drunk and assaulted me over and over and in my sleep as well #and then i went to my exs and we stayed w her family for xmas eve and they were horrible to me and then we broke up that night #and she just cried forever and said i deserved better and i just sat there in bed like how did i even get here totally detached #you invite me to xmas with my family in another country only to realise that you'll never be mentally stable enough to move and be with me #and its been like 7 months since i made that decision and you could've told me something before? but you didn't? #life was good when i was the one making all the sacrifices. right. #life was good when i did all the work. but as soon as you have to enforce your own boundaries its too hard. #do you ever believe someone when they say theyre getting better? and then look like a fool? #every now and then i remember something about that relationship that makes me fucking angry #its all very. art installation i just cant help myself

[nerdie-faerie]

Being an adult is so fun you get to tell TV licencing to fuck off, register for pension schemes, chase up IT issues, make returns, figure out what you're gonna eat this week so you can actually go grocery shopping an- *is laid face down on the floor*

#adulting #ace is grumpy bean #im having a great morning what about you? love spending my only day off catching up on chores and errands #tbf i did finally receive all of my packages that were being held hostage at reception so it hasnt been all bad #but one of my packages needs to be returned and i gotta exchange my hair dye before i buy groceries today cus i grabbed the wrong shade #i have sent more emails than i would like to have today had to email my professor cus of my student account not working chase IT services up #about that again email about sorting out a refund email the pension scheme i got enrolled in cus the registration wasnt working #then deal with tv licencing 'youre under investigation' shut up 🙄 as if anyone watches live tv anymore anyway #i also forgot to speak to my mum while tryna sort stuff out lately so she texted me worried that something had happened this was after shed #apparently called me while i was sleeping but i ignored cus it ended too quickly and i already got woken up by them testing the fire alarm #its felt like a lot of admin today and i still gotta get groceries but i dont know what im gonna eat or rather what i wanna cook this week #so my shopping list is slow going and i dont really wanna leave my flat anyway but the kitchen needs sorting too cus my flatmates are vile #anyway most of my stuff for Halloween came and lets just say im really glad to have next weekend off for it

[savethepinecones]

so so sick of being yelled at for being depressed

#my sister offered to let me move in with her and her spouse and my mom insisted i stay here til the end of the year #because shes worried about my mental health #but she keeps freaking out whenever i have Symptoms #like yeah i dont have any energy so sometimes it takes an extra day or two to get chores done #ive made it clear that im trying my best but it never meets her standards so it doesnt matter #and she wont even fucking let me leave #i told her months ago i wouldnt be able to contribute to groceries much longer because i havent worked in six months and have no money #and she was super understanding at the time but as soon as i make any food requests when someone goes shopping she gets pissed at me #says im asking for too much when im keeping it to the bare minimum #and when my sister heard about this she offered to send me some grocery money and my mom got pissed about that too #i woke up to a huge paragraph of text lecturing me and she called it a 'roommate intervention' like she hasnt been very clear that #she doesnt consider us roommates #and she refuses to actually talk about it she just sends me messages freaking out about how im not good enough #and then she says if i respond shell freak out so shes refusing to have an actual discussion #like if shes so fucking sick of me being here she should just let me move jfc #i havent been able to eat at the table for years because its covered in a bunch of her shit but if i ask her to do something about that #shed just freak out #like how dare my living here inconvenience her in any way but also what i want doesnt matter at all #i dont have any of my stuff in the living room or dining room and i only have some stuff for coffee in the kitchen #and even then she moves that shit without checking with me beforehand #im doing everything i can to reduce my impact here and its still not fucking good enough #god im just so sick of living here #brb gotta go do a million chores while i have a migraine because otherwise there will be 'consequences' #like im a fucking child #and not a full grown adult whos dealing with serious mental health shit but still trying their best #god i want to cry rn im just so sick of this

[theygender]

Me @ my pets: why do you get separation anxiety and destroy things when we go on a trip, can you please just be normal?

My gf: *goes on a trip and leaves me home alone for a few days*

Me: ...

Me: ah.

#methinks it is time to chew the walls in my enclosure #rambling #im very bad at sleeping alone and i dont even know how many nights shes gonna be gone :( #if she told me before then i forgot it but last night i tried to ask her and she just jokingly said she was never coming back #but then didnt give me the actual answer afterwards #i texted her this morning to ask but shes been so busy setting up her show that she hasnt had time to respond ig :( #i have class in less than five hours but I've been up this whole time stress cleaning 😭 #i wish i could have someone over but my qpp has her sun this week and has to get up to take him to preschool and go to work really early #like the same time in usually falling asleep #and my other qpp and friends live two hours away :( #i just don't like being alone at night my brain gets bad :( #before my gf moved in with me i would have sleepovers with my friends as often as possible specially because of that #it made me feel safe and distracted me from the bad thoughts and helped me sleep better #there was a while where my qpp was staying the night with me literally almost every night #i haven't had to worry about sleeping alone for the past 3+ years that my gf and i have lived together #maybe i SHOULD chew wires to cope #edit: there are so many typos but I'm not retyping all of those tags im too tired for this #I'm gonna try to go to sleep now

[iamjessemccartney]

🙃

#im gonna lose my mind and unfortunately not in a fun way #teacher im interning with texted me earlier telling me not to go in to school today bc she has covid #because ive been with her all week and she hasnt been wearing a mask at all i've been hella exposed #i had to drive to target to get tests because i took the One we'd had left in the pantry. and THEN found out it was expired #soon as i get in my car. turn it on. light that tells me i need air in my tires is on and i mean Immediately #i LITERALLY put air in my tires just under a month ago. i remember this because it was the first day of metro con. #and i did it on the way to the con. dressed as a fucking anime girl. #i decide i dont give enough of a shit about my tires because of that and bc i need to go fucking covid test myself so i drive to target #i park. as i pull into a space i FEEL my car do some fucking stupid shit. i go into the store. i come out. #i get to the first stop sign on my way out of the parking lot and i can tell my car is Sinking down on the front left tire #quarter of the way home my tire is completely flat #i get less than 2 minutes from the house. my car sounds like it's going to explode because im practically driving on my fuckin rims #and i have to call my mom to tail me the rest of the way in case my fucking car blows up or some shit #there was a HUGE fucking tear in my tire. #i take one of my new covid tests. comes back negative. go to sams club (masked) with my parents to get a new tire #i fucking get home and i get reminded of the fact that covid may not be detectable within the first few days :) #which means the plans i'd made for saturday had to be cancelled :) and while they have since been resolved i am Still #Upset #because today has just been BULLSHIT #by FAR i have had worse. but im having this day Right Now. and right now. i am upset.

[pears-trinkets]

.

#the whole vet situation gives me such trauma whiplash im too busy with that that i havent really given myself a chance to process today #all i can think about is how painful eating must be for mischa #i noticed she slowed down a bit and wouldnt eat kibble or hard snacks but i thought it might be one single tooth ache idk #i actually thought she was doing better because she slowed down because she has been gulping down food way too fast since the shelter #the last time she had tooth problems like 2-3 years ago i asked a friend to come with me to the vet and she said omg yes of course #and then she resumed texting me normal stuff throughout the day of the appointment and only after i didnt reply the whole day she noticed #like 10 hours too late she was like OH SHIT HAHA!! and this is literally what happens every time when i ask someone to be there for me #when i make myself really vulnerable and ask for help and say that i cant do something alone they let me down #while knowing that i have no one else #i asked my mom to come to the vet once and she literally only talked about herself the whole time distracting me #and then she was like haha yeah lets just drop off the cat at home and go get some lunch hihi!!!! #she never remembers vet appointments even when we just talked about them and loves making fun of me for being stressed and tense #like OH NO WONDER YOU WERE MOODY like im on my period or something #i texted a friend about mischas health issues and me losing my job and she hasnt replied since january and doesnt really talk to me anymore #so i guess that friendship is done too #ill have to go there on thursday alone and overdraft my account and wait until the evening and care for mischa all alone #i cant even talk with someone about this because no one understands or judges my emotions and no one cares anyway #and then ill have to go back to work where everyone knows that i will be gone soon and will pester me about it #they all think of me as a temporary intern anyway and ask WHEN WILL YOU GO FIND A REAL JOB while they make me do theirs #everything and everyone at that job is so horrible and so many people leave and they never learn #a colleague i helped teaching everything suddenly turned on me &my other colleague & made our lives miserable while badmouthing us viciously #and everyone in the office chose her over us and let her get away with it while she screamed at us and behaved like a child #its so ironic how i stayed because i needed money to live and now when i go i will have 0 because of the surgery #i mean its worth it but like #what the fuck is life and what will it fucking be next month

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

I can not tell if harley is sick or if her allergies are just worse this year

Other than more frequent sneezing and being a little quieter and a little extra sleepy last week shes acting totally normal

But shes not lethargic. She didn't eat or drink much yesterday but sometimes that fluctuates anyway and shes been eating and drinking just fine today and had been before yesterday except maybe Wednesday but the weather was fluctuating again and allergens were high that day

Its possible shes having a reaction to the carpet cleaner cuz that was in and on my vacuum when I used it Monday (and her symptoms showed up soon after that) and I havent washed my rug so its possible I didn't get all of it back out of the rug after the vacuum spit it out

So im gonna clean my room this week and dust and wash everything and see if that helps

Like she was less sneezey when my mom took her outside earlier than she's been in the house all week (and she spends most of her time in my room)

She was doing yoga

#i need a vet that i can text and be like ''this is what im noticing should i be concerned'' #because i have anxiety. particularly surrounding my cats health #and my parents are like ''well just google it'' and like. I HAVE ANXIETY. my brain is going to hone in on all the worst things it could be #also its annoying to have to sift through shit that i cant tell is ai generated or not #like the way half of everything i come across in duckduckgo feels ai generated #i feel like shes been groomimg her paws more than usual so i think they might be itchy #which is also pointing towards allergies for me #if she wasnt JUST at the vet for a checkup i would take her in #she hasnt been throwing up or anything #shes not really more or less clingy than she usually is #shes grooming normally #maybe not a vet i can text but even just someone who knows more about cats than me #my parents are not those people #like when it comes to my own medical shit my mom can usually reassure me that im not dying cuz she went to school to be a nurse #and while she never actually became a nurse she has worked in a medical field her whole adult life and spends a lot of time reading medical #papers just for fun #she doesnt get anxious around medical shit #its the same reason i like my doctor. shes straightforward and blunt. i appreciate that #i need someone who knows cats that is like that #cuz i dont have money to take harley to the vet everytime i get worried about something thats probably not an issue

[skeletxr]

Doing all this self reflection then being around my family really is making me more and more self aware how much of it is learned behavior and what I need to improve on.

#my aunt has not seen me since my break up was exttemely FRESH #she and i had some heart to heart conversation that visit #shes been here for 5 hours today and hasnt asked at all how ive been doing. how im holding up. nothing!!! #if this was 3 years ago inwouldnt have cared but man something about it bothers me #she and my mom went shopping then picked me up after and instead of me being able to even #ask my how their shoppin trip was or anything shes just tALKTALKTALKTALKTALKTALK about Herself #oof! things that once didnt bother me are bothering me!!! because hey! you *should* ask how your family members doing when theyre grieving #not to mention were coming up on my very close friends DEATH ANNIVERSARY is coming up very soon #using this as complete motivation to learn boundaries and how to be more interested in people instrad of *me* #text

[proteuus]

pros about being my friend: I will help you move

cons about being my friend: I will talk about a boy so god damn much

#my new bestie is moving into her summer place and i am going to help her move :-) #and she lets me text her all the updates about the boy i like #the thing abt this boy. the timing hasnt been right since i met him this fall but maybe it will be one of these days #i saw him today and we talked for four hours straight and he bought me lunch #we only stopped talking bc he had to go to a thing #and literally like i could not design anyone more perfectly compatible and complementary to me. omg #if the timing is ever right it would be perfect but idk! who is to say #e