#she had me 2 days before her 18th birthday. she didnt even get to graduate highschool before she had me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

simpforhoon · 3 years

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just you. (p.js) *ೃ༄

pairing: soft dom! jay × female reader

genre: smut, fluff, soulmate au! kind of angsty it has a happy ending I swear (praise, making out, protected sex, oral (f-receiving)).

summary: in a world where everyone gets the name of their soulmate tattooed on their wrists when they turn 18, finding out your best friend is your soulmate was not how you planned your 18th birthday to go. now, what’s so bad about that you might ask? you see, jay despises the thought of soulmates. but maybe he doesn’t despise them so much when it comes to you.

please note, this work is purely that of fiction. and not meant to represent what the enhypen members are like in real life.

A/N: guys no why am I so soft,, anyway I’ve been wanting to write this for a while now, so I hope you enjoy!! and I'm reposting this now, as this didnt get a lot of notes on my old account cause of all the reporting and stuff!

word count: 3.4k

warnings: mentions of heartbreak, crying, mentions of food.

1 week ago

you bit your nails as you paced up and down your room, a nervous habit you’d picked up in your junior year of high school whilst dealing with the tremendous stress and pressure school put on you. well lucky for you, you had graduated now and your 18th birthday was just around the corner. specifically, exactly a week from now.

your best friend jay sat on your bed staring at you with amusement written all over his face as he quietly observed you, before moving up to stop you and pull your hands away from your face. “you’re going to wear yourself out” he mumbled softly, pulling you to sit next to him and rubbing your shoulder in a comforting manner.

“I know I know, I’m just nervous, what if they’re all the way on the other side of the world? or even worse, what if they’re someone I know??” the panicked expression on your face was seemingly too much for jay to handle as before you knew it, he had almost rolled off your bed, laughing his ass off at you.

you see, your “dearest” best friend jay never believed in soulmates. he himself never actually got a name on his wrist, a sign that his soulmate had not reached the age to get theirs. to say he was ecstatic would be an understatement as he was at a party that very night, hooking up with a random girl before going over to your house the next morning with a massive hangover and a sullen expression.

it hurt you to see him that way, hooking up with random people, praying that he wouldnt run into his soulmate. and it hurt even more when you thought of how his soulmate was probably so excited to meet him even if they didn’t know him yet.

if only you knew where you would be a week later, wishing it was you who never met him.

present day

the time on your phone read 11:57, and jay had shown up to your house at exactly 11:30, punctual as always, giving up his usual saturday night parties to spend the night before your special day with you instead. he held your hand in his, one thumb running up and down the expanse of your knuckles soothingly, the only thing grounding you in the tense moments before what was basically the biggest moment of your life. your eyes never met his once, only flickering from the clock to your wrist every few seconds, almost as if it would appear before time if you stared long enough.

12:00 a.m.

it was almost as if everything stopped in that moment as the words appeared on your skin. the crickets stopped chirping, that one car alarm outsode your house stopped beeping and both you and Jay stopped breathing, even if it was just for a few seconds. one by one, letter by letter, black ink slowly trailed up the soft skin on your clean wrist, marking your skin for the rest of eternity. you watched with bated breath as tbe letters curved their way into your skin, into your soul.

“P-A-R-K” looks like your soulmate would have the same last name as your best friend. “J-O-N-” that was when the realisation of what was about to happen dawned upon you. “no, no, no, no” was all you could think. “this wasn’t supposed to happen”

meeting jay’s eyes for a split second, you could see the shock on his face, the same shock you knew was written all over your face at that very moment. yanking your hand out of his warmer one, you stared at the 2 words displayed on your wrist. “park jongseong” you whispered as a one lone tear ran down your cheek, falling to you chin before disappearing into the soft material of your sweater.

this prompted jay to push up his own sleeve, the words that seem to have appeared on his wrist confirmed what you both already knew by that point. jay park, your best friend since you were 5, your rock, your everything, was your soulmate. if the situation were anything but this, you would have been jumping for joy, ecstatic that your soulmate was the man you’d grown up with your whole life. but unfortunately, that was not the case.

“_______” he whispered, voice hoarse as he held your hand in his again. gripping it tightly this time so you wouldn’t be able to let go this time. not that you wanted to anyway. “jay” you whispered back, attempting to smile at him, despite the tears that were threatening to overflow at any moment. “I-I need time to think” he said, so softly, his eyes full of nothing but remorse. “I understand jay, take your time, don’t rush okay?” you replied, squeezing his hand in reassurance. he wistfully smiled at you one last time as he pushed himself off your bed and walked out of your bedroom, closing the door with a small ‘click’, leaving you alone in the darkness of your room, mind racing and wondering what were you were going to do with this newfound information.

you fell asleep after much tossing and turning, your mind full of nothing but jay and his name that was now tattooed into the inside of your wrist. you were woken up by the bright smile of your parents, you mother holding a plate of pancakes and wishing you a happy birthday. the sight alone was enough to make you burst into tears as you wrapped your arms around her, seeking her familiar scent and comfort after the rough night you had. your parents seemed shocked, but did not press you to open up, wrapping their arms around you as they attempted to comfort you.

your mom was no foolish woman, as she seems to have caught on to what was bothering you on your special day. “its about your soulmate isn’t it?” she asked as she placed a glass of your favourite chocolate smoothie in front of you, wiping her hands on her apron. you looked up at her, disbelief written all over your face as she chuckled at you. “how did you know?” you asked as she smiled slyly at you. “I have my ways, and besides, I’m your mother” she replied with a wink. you groaned, dramatically resting your head on the counter as she laughed and gave in. “I saw jay walk out of your room last night with tears streaming down his face, and considering you woke up crying too, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what went down there”.

“you should talk it out with him sweetie, he’s not just your soulmate, he’s your best friend. despite how he feels about this whole fate thing, I’m sure the both of you will be okay.” her words reassured you as you grabbed your backpack, and walked through your front door. not even 2 minutes later you heard the biggest scream and you were tackled into a hug. giggling, you wrapped your arms around the taller boy as he squeezed you tightly. “happy birthday ______!” he said as he let go of you and continued your walk to school. “thanks sunoo” you said, smiling at the younger boy who had the biggest grin on his face.

“soooooo” he began, looking at you with an expectant expression on his face. you pursed your lips, already predicting the question that was due to escape his mouth any second from now. “jay” you said, cutting him off before he could even open his mouth. “JAY?!?!!?” he said, a little too loudly, mouth agape as he processed the information. you shrugged as he linked his arm with yours, understanding that you didnt want to talk about it.

luckily, no one pressed you about your soulmate for the rest of the day, warded off by sunoo’s glare the moment they looked like they were going to ask. you sat next to jay in all your classes, the atmosphere tense and awkward between the two of you. everyone seemed to have figured our what happened by that alone, your normally boisterous voices muted and soft. you went out after school with sunoo and riki, your mood heightened by the laughs and jokes of the two bickering boys.

when you got home, the house was eerily quiet, your parents nowhere in sight, all the lights turned off save the one in your living room. and there on the sleek grey sofa sat Jay, looking down at his hands as he anxiously played around with the rings he always wore. your footsteps alerted him of your presence, as he shot up off your sofa to greet you with a crooked smile on his face, black hair sticking up in every direction.

you smiled at him, already preparing yourself for the worst, as he walked towards you. “your parents have gone out, they handed me the keys and told me to come and talk to you if I wanted, and-” he cut himself off in the middle of his sentence, taking a deep breath and holding your hand. here goes nothing he thought. “I want to try. this whole soulmate thing I mean. maybe i wouldnt be this way if it was anyone else, but it’s you, my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you.” he mumbled out the last part, but it was still clear enough for you to hear. you couldn’t help the smile that stretched across your face at his words, his own face breaking out into a grin at your expression. you reached up on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck as his hands went around your waist.

he buried his face in your hair, your soft vanilla scent calming his racing heart, and that was when he realised how much you really meant to him. he loved when you would always being him snacks after soccer practice, he loved when you let him lay his head on your lap and you ran your hands through his hair, he loved seeing the expressions you made when you ate his food, he loved you.

“I made something for you” he said, pulling away from your embrace, leading you to your kitchen and making you sit down on the counter. he grabbed a plate of your favourite pasta and a fork before lifting up a mouthful and holding it out to feed it to you. you smiled, wrapping your lips around the fork as the flavours exploded in your mouth. “oh my gosh, this is good, you’ve really outdone yourself.” he smiled at the complement before pressing a kiss to your cheek and muttering a little “happy birthday love”, leaving your face feeling hot and an uncontrollable smile on your face.

the rest of the evening went by in hin feeding you food and taking a few notes of it himself, lots of little cheek kisses, before the two of you settled down on the couch to watch a movie. it seemed like jay had gotten over his awkwardness as he pulled you to sit between his legs the moment the movie started. you looked back at him in shock, wondering when he got so bold before he pressed a kiss to your lips and told you to focus on the screen.

it might not have been the perfect first kiss, but it was with jay and that was enough. he played with your hair throughout the movie, and moved it aside at one point, pressing little kisses along the expanse of your neck. it was when he landed his lips on one particular spot that you let out a little noise, one you never even knew you could make that made him sit up a little straighter.

it was almost as if a switch flipped within him as he tightened his grip around your waist, one hand slipping up your hoodie to caress the skin near your waist. “I didn’t know you could make such pretty noises baby” he whispered in your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. “well i didn’t know i could either” you whispered back, the realisation of what was about to happen making your body feel like it was on fire.

“are you sure you want this? we don’t have to do anything you dont want to sweetheart” he said, pulling away with a kiss to your cheek. you shifted so that you were facing him, legs wrapped around his waist and you reached your hands up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’m sure jay, theres no one I’d rather do this with than you.” that was all the affirmation he needed, as within seconds you were being dragged to your bedroom by an overexcited jay.

he pressed you up against your room door, hands coming up to lift your thighs and wrap them around his waist, your core meeting his very obvious bulge. taking advantage of the gasp that left you, he allowed his tongue to skip into your mouth, taking control of every aspect of the kiss. pulling away, he brought you to your bed, gently letting you down onto the mattress, and reaching up to pull your hoodie off you.

“so beautiful” he whispered as he reached behind you to pull your bra off, before lifting his own arms to pull his own shirt off, leaving his body on display for you. just for you. he reached down to tug one of your nipples into his mouth, gently sucking and wrapping his tongue around the sensitive bud, his actions leaving your mouth open in a silent moan.

within minutes, both of you were left completely naked as jay continued to trail his lips down your body, pressing little kisses to your inner thigh before his mouth finally met your core, the smallest motion of his lips leaving you breathless and squirming. “stay still sweetheart, good girls don’t move around so much”. his words sent vibrations spreading throughout your body, not doing anything to help with the heat that was coursing through your veins.

his tongue delved in and out of your dripping hole, one of his hands rubbing your clit while the other held your legs open for him. “jay- i- I’m gonna-” but he was gone the moment the words fell from your mouth. and he was a sight to see. your juices mixed with his, drool and spit dripped down his chin, as he ran his tongue over his lips with a smirk on his face.

“oh so the baby wants to cum? don’t worry love, I’m going to make you feel so good”. he reached into his jacket and pulled out a condom before rolling it on and lining himself I with your entrance. he grasped your chin gently, pulling you up to look at him and planting a loving kiss on your lips. “I love you so much sweetheart, so so much” he whispered, pulling away from your lips. “I love you too jay” you said back, watching as he smiled once, before intertwining your hands and then, pushing himself into you.

nothing had ever felt as good in that moment as he gently, softly pushed himself inside. the feeling was euphoric, having your soulmate inside you in such an intimate manner. your bodies moulding together perfectly, bursts of colour lighting up the back of your eyelids as your eyes closed at the feeling of him in you. he began thrusting in and out of you slowly, not wanting to hurt you. but at your signal, he began moving faster, groans and moans escaping both your lips, finding pleasure and love in each other.

it didn’t take long for you to reach your high at all, his length hitting you in all the right places, leading you to ride out your high much faster than you expected, jay following soon after. he finished inside the condom, reaching out to pull it off and throw it away, before walking to your bathroom and grabbing a wet cloth to clean you up with.

he was greeted with the sight of your tired smile as he returned, gently cleaning you before tossing the rag and gathering you up in his arms, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “does this mean you’re mine now?” he asked, reaching down to bury his head in your hair, his hands absent-mindedly tracing shapes and figures on your bare shoulder. “it does if it means you’re mine too”. he smiled at your response, pulling the blanket over the two of you as you drifted off to sleep in the arms of the one person who would stay with you forever.

thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed and I hope you drank enough water today! ♡♡♡

#enhypen imagines #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #enhypen x reader #enhypen #heeseung smut #jay smut #jake smut #sunghoon smut #kpop smut #kpop

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mikemoon · 3 years

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( choi yeonjun, cis man ) have you seen MICHAEL “MIKE” MOON ? i heard HE is a COMPUTER SCIENCE MAJOR at SAN VERTO COLLEGE and an EMPLOYEE at HALL OF FILM. they’re 22 years old and they’ve been living in san verto for 6 YEARS. they tend to be CARE-FREE & ADVENTUROUS, but rumor has it they can also be GRUMPY & CLUMSY. [ tally, 25, gmt+4, she/her ] @foolsstarters

tw // mentions of depression, cheating, divorce, underage drinking and smoking

michael moon, born myungjun moon –– choi yeonjun fc

birthday: september 9, 1998 - 22 yrs old ; virgo

cis man, he/him, bisexual

born and raised in philadelphia, pennsylvania

mike grew up being an only child, and always around the company of his mother in their house. his father was always traveling back and forth from south korea to the states for work. his parents have met at work on one of his father’s trips to the states, and they fell in love. his mother being american-born, she couldn’t really leave philadelphia. she loved it there. so they decided to keep it a long distance relationship.

sometime during those fleeting meetings, she had gotten pregnant with michael. and of course, his father spoiled them both, giving them everything they wanted. he never left them to fend for themselves. when the boy was born, his father named him myungjun, and his mother decided to name him michael for his english name. the nicknames jun, mike, and sometimes junnie were often heard whenever his parents or childhood friends called him.

up until mike was five years old in 2004, he’s lived with his mother, while his father was leaving and coming back for a week or two. but that year, he’s finally moved to the states and stayed with them for longer nights. he even finally married michael’s mother. of course, he still disappeared for a few days or weeks on end for work.

but that was also the year michael’s mother found out that her husband was with another woman. michael has never seen his mother break down like that before. sadly, the young boy was peering into the room when the fight happened and witnessed everything. his mother made her partner choose between the two women, and he eventually told her that he was going to divorce his first wife for her, and appeared to have gone through with his promise. because after that incident, he’s been around more often.

by early 2015, when michael had just turned 16, his mother had gotten a teaching job in ashdown academy, which resulted in their move to san verto, california. meaning, new school and new friends for mike. meanwhile, his dad was still traveling a lot for business and coming back whenever he could.

michael has grown up as a cheerful and energetic child. his friends at any school he went to would tell you how much of a great friend he is, how trustworthy and caring he is. it was so easy for him to make friends anywhere. he was the type of friend who would smile at you and listen to you talk on and on about whatever you liked, and the type who would cheer you on with anything you want to achieve. he wanted everyone to feel included and loved.

so it wasn’t that hard for him to get along with new people once he moved to town. he was a very social person.

he was also the type of teenager who was out there doing things he wasn’t supposed to. he missed his old friends and his old home, but he wanted to have fun with all the new kids he was befriending. that simply resulted in him going to house parties as an underaged teen to ‘have fun’. his mother didn’t approve of him coming home very late at night, clearly smelling like smoke and alcohol.

internally he was a depressed mess. of course, no one is completely happy as they grow up. his family was a mess, even if it appeared as fine to everyone else. his family life affected him so much while growing up. mike sometimes could disappear for a few days in his room, and it was always during some of his bad spells.

what made it worse was the day he found out the truth.

it was 2017 when michael walked into his father’s office in their house, looking for him to ask him about something. and instead of finding the man, he found a stack of papers poking from underneath his father’s laptop. upon closer look, they appeared to be divorce papers. michael’s heart sunk, thinking his parents were breaking it off.

michael is a curious kid, he couldn’t help but close the door and read the papers. but what he saw wasn’t his mother’s name, it was another woman. his heart raced, as he put things back where they were and immediately left the room. michael had found out one of his father’s many secrets. he never divorced his first wife all those years ago. he lied and somehow stayed with both women without suspicion... well, until now. clearly the other woman was breaking it off for a reason.

michael couldn’t help his curiosity. he came back to the room later that night and snapped as many pictures as he could of evidence he could find. he even found his father’s phone (which was easy to figure out the password of) and found a plethora of pictures of the man with a different family, different kids and a different partner. he airdropped the pictures to himself to avoid leaving any traces behind and quickly left again.

a quick search on facebook, and he managed to find the first wife. it was easy with the name and pictures he had. if anything, michael prided himself on being a good internet detective... or stalker. he spent everyday trying to find the rest of the family on the internet. he found the woman’s young daughter on instagram and twitter, along with her older son’s accounts as well. it felt weird. it was a constant “now what?” for michael. he’s found them. what was he going to do now? he couldn’t just message them and tell them everything. and he couldn’t break his mother’s heart by letting her know.

except he had to let her know. he could never live with the fact that he knew his father was betraying her this entire time. and so michael told her everything, and after comforting her all night when she broke down yet again, she immediately ended things and asked for a divorce. now it was just michael and his mother, all alone. and for once, having to get by on their own.

thankfully they were safe, with his mother’s amazing money management skills, and the job she got at the academy, they managed to live their regular lives despite the heavy feeling of a broken family looming around them. the two just wanted to be happy again.

michael spent the next few years trying to lead a normal life. his mental health had gotten worse after everything he’s found out. he went to college, and he continued trying to do well in school. he really wasn’t the best when it came to grades, but he was trying his best.

and truthfully, he couldn’t help but make a few spare accounts on some social medias to follow his father’s other family.

but he eventually decided to just let it go, assuming they definitely knew about his mother and himself, which would explain the first divorce. so he decided to put it in the past and move on.

his mother has moved on as well. she found herself someone who actually cares about her so much (mike’s stupid ass has done a secret background check to make sure this dude wasn’t another cheater lmaoo) and now mike isn’t an only child anymore. it’s been 2 years since his little sister yuna was born, and he loves her so much. he still isn’t used to the idea of a new fatherly figure in his life, but he’s.... getting there.

little dumb hcs

mike majors in computer science at san verto college, with a concentration in game development and design

hes a lil gamer boy,,, u KNOW he’s that annoying dude with a gamer chair that has a sound system in it khjkh

he posted a few videos on youtube but rly just ditched the channel after like a month. he still posts whenever he feels like it tho and it’s usually just.... messy gaming videos or opinions no one asked for

his dad’s dumb ass still doesn’t know it was mike who exposed him to his mother. he thinks she found the divorce papers on her own. therefore.... mike still gets money from his dad on a monthly basis and gets to keep the car he bought him for his 18th birthday lmaooooo a win

you probably heard me say this before but.... theres a hc that mike is allergic to eggs. simply bc the idea of him shopping in the vegan section is funny to me

this boy has a love for frogs ? idk where the obsession came from but you bet you’re gonna see a cute lil frog sticker on everything he owns. he doodles them on everything too ? it’s a habit at this point. he also knows random little facts about them and tells them to anyone who didnt ask for them

. embarrassing but.. this dude... omg.... a big sana stan.... he has a photocard collection.... he went to a twice concert like 5 times.... dont be surprised if you see a feel special sana photocard in his phonecase.... im embarrassed of him

he also has a hyunjin mcdonalds hashbrown photocard framed that a friend gave to him for christmas bc.. it’s a rare card,,, and you can see it on a table by the door when you walk into his apartment 😭

mike also has a habit of buying things he doesn’t need ?? he has a plushie collection that has been growing since he was young, and now is getting bigger with the rise of squishmallows

there’s this random hc where he drunk bought a cardboard cutout of john cena ,,,, don’t ask,,, it’s currently guarding his room back at his mom’s house djfhdj

can you tell mike is my most embarrassing , most chaotic character,,

also he moved out after graduating school and when he started to attend college,,,, gimme some roomies pls

connection ideas ??

michael’s childhood friends; could’ve gone to the same school back in philly before he moved away ??

friends he made when he moved to town?? mike is very social and was... kinda popular in school, i’d say. he made friends with basically anyone he found interesting

michael’s ex; they could’ve ended on a bad note, or even on a good one and ended up being friends. im really up for plotting anything.

michael’s best friend; PLEASE i love wholesome best friend plots. it doesn’t matter if they met in san verto or philly

roomies pls !!! i would love it if he could have some roommates who have to deal with his very . peculiar decorating habits

co workers ?? customers ? regulars ? he works at hall of film !

like this to plot or hmu !

#foolsintro #this got SO LONG #i didnt proof read and im sure i missed something

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skiasurveys · 7 years

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Talk about...

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. - I cant remember that well since I was a little kid.. ( The lion king), um but I remember being so into it and I loved animals and it kind of started me wanting to draw. But i cant remember the first time i watched it.

2: Talk about your first kiss. We were really awkward, I liked him..but not enough, and so we went driving around, got starbucks, and then found this bench and we were talking/flirting, and then he just kissed me. But it was nasty asf, it was so gross. his spit was all over me, blehh. I hated it. I remember being like if this is kissing i do not want it. It wasnt tell i kissed another person that i was like Oh thats what its supposed to be like..

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. He is my current boyfriend. We met on Okcupid in 2015 right after i had finished high school. It was like September. its funny because i wasnt rly serious on that site but then I started to talk to him and we hit it off really well.. we dated for a week then broke up LMAOOO. But then in April 2016 we started to talk again and in May we dated. so its been a year so far, and i am really in love with him. He and I click very well, he’s 7 years older than me. we play video games together but sometimes i watch him play by himself cus its fun that way too. He likes anime tho and i hate it lol. hes very funny and he can be super sweet and romantic and sometimes hes jusr a fkn nerd. idk what else to say before i start going on forever about it.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far. Meeting the dude who assaulted me. we were just friends and i had a bad feeling about him but i shoved it off. and then he attacked and assaulted me. I wish i went with that gut feeling. Thank god hes gone.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had. My best birthday was either my 18th or 19th. My 20th was boring. But my 18th I got a wii U and i got drunk too, and i had fun. but yeah, like idk the best prob was when i was a child and had lotsa friends and cake.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had. My 16th because my dad was dying.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity. My biggest insecurity is my body shape.weight. I just hate it because I feel fucking ugly and fat and I really am not, but idk i just want to be skinny and tiny.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. I am proud that i graduated and got my license, since I was struggling to graduate which was like 2 years ago but i was going through a lot.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my eyes, and I do like that i have small hands and feet. ( its easy to find shoes). But I also like my legs and that I have a bigger butt.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. theres been a few. But i think with my ex friend who just said she hated me and it was random asf, but she ghosted on me after and so it wasnt really a fight. another one i had was when i started to date my current BF and he wasnt being the best and I was like maybe i should drop him so i tried too and then we fought and then we actually were adults and explained the situation and we sorted it all out. since then we have been so good. like we know how eachother works. Lol fuck.

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had. I cant think of one.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. i had a nightmare where this creepy ass creature was crawling up my walls and turned its head all around and had lifeless eyes and creepy sharp jagged teeth, and it was just terrifying. but then my mom killed it.. wtf

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The first time i had sex I was super nervous. ( It was with my current bf), and we tried and then i started to cry because I was nervous and also from my trauma, and then he was like okay thats fine. Then later that night he asked if we wanted to try again so I said sure. and so we started to make out and then before i knew it was actually inside me and I was like wtf that wasnt bad, and it felt really good. It wasnt overly romantic like they make in movies but it was super good and he was slow and good with me. ever since then i crave dick every minute LMAOOO.

14: Talk about a vacation. I went to disneyland with my mom the year i was graduating high school. It was so much fun, I felt so safe and happy . I cant really explain what i felt just felt like everything was gonna be OK and the rides were just so awesome and the food was great lol

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life. It was when I was starting to date Connor again and we were hanging out and I was like wow, my life is going perfect right now and I felt so happy.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to. I never go to parties but the one i went to was at my boyfriends friends house and I just started to drink rum n coke and it was really good and made lots of friends but there wasnt that many people there but i felt really happy.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I cant think of anyone lol

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school. i got bullied alot for stupid shit.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school. I was in foods class and I was with my friend Jenna, Brittney, Shae and Julia. There was orientation for the kids from elementary that night, and so we asked if we could stay extra and make the cookies and so we were allowed. Then Julia and Shae left to use the washroom. Jenna and I had finished up and were heading to our other class, and as we walked in there was a alarm for a lock down and we were like holy shit. There was somekid with a knife walking around. they calmed him down, but it was really creepy. But our friend brittney was by herself in the foods room and she was crying and i felt so bad omg rip brittney

20: Talk about something that happened in high school. I had math class one afternoon and the class before me apparently this girl had a seizure. But i didnt know, so when we walked in the classroom I was like wtf why are the desks all pushed around and so i thought they did some activity, but it turns out this girl had a seizure, and my friend told me about it and how it was super traumatizing our teacher even got bit. it was really weird..

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. He is my friend still but he really liked me and he asked me out and I had to tell him No and i said that i wasnt looking for a relationship but it was super awkward but hes cool.

22: Talk about your worst fear. choking.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. I really liked this one guy and we went on a first date and then he asked if i wanted to chill the next week and so i said sure. But then that day he had texted me and said he was busy and that i couldnt come over and so I was like Oh ok, cool. and then he told me to make sure i wasnt looking for anything serious, and then so i never saw him again after the first date. But he was really boring so thank god i didn’t. and its funny cus a few months after he had some gf and i think he is still with her cus i would see them at the mall all the time. but yeah im glad it didnt work out!

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. One night ( this is cheesy ) It was like 4 am and Connor was watching TV and I was scrolling through tumblr lookin at funny memes/posts and he just turned and looked at me and said “Jen, youre my best friend” and it just made my night. It was super sweet and i felt great.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend. ho ho ho okay, so we were friends since grade 9 summer/beg of grade 10. we were close asf, we liked the same shit, we thought the same. she was great. she was the first best friend i ever had rly. so a couple times through out our friendship she would kind of vanisha nd not talk but it was her depression and it was annoying asf. anyways.. after grade 12 grad (this is like oct 2015), i tried to message her but it wouldnt let me! so i soon realized she blocked me on everything. i texted her thanks for that and then feb 2016 we became friends again, then may 2016 she ghosted on me but she finally sent message saying how she hated me etc and really too this day it hurts but i still dont know what actually fucking happened.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick. if im really sick i just sleep and watch youtube videos. or ill have a bath.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. i really love my boyfriends arms. theyre so big and strong. mmmm.

28: Talk about your fetishes. i dont rly have a fetish tbh.

29: Talk about what turns you on. i like when my bf dominates me, but not too hardcore. I like neck kissing, facial hair, deep voices, motivation. I like being tackled like play fighting and i like when he touches my thighs etc. mm

30: Talk about what turns you off. being an asshole, racist/sexiest, if youre super smelly. if youre really tall and skinny.

31: Talk about what you think death is like. i dont know. its probably weird asf.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. i remember this place called Moonwalkers and it was this crazyass jungle gym we had and it was the best shit ever.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad. i draw, listen to music, have a bath..etc

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. getting hit by a car.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. i wish i would stop comparing myself to every fucking person i see.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures. some anime.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. i thought i loved wade, but i really was just liking the idea of someone. this was in high school. lol it was really weird and i didnt like it.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. it depeds on the song and the person. pink floyd reminds me ofmy ex friend. Anime/kpop songs remind me of Kyra and super lovely songs and omam remind me of connor

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. not everyone you lose is a loss.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school and teenage years was really weird. i remember feeling so out of place and not sure what t do with myself.

#survey #personal #talk about

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periculum-est-dulce · 7 years

Text

i honestly just need to get this out somewhere, so here it goes...

i’m going to start by telling you a story about my senior year, i met a boy and hes honestly the love of my life and i’d do anything for him, and that’s where it went bad. i started spending all of my time with him and the eventually caused me to drift from my friends.

i would split my time 70% with my boyfriend 20% with my friends and that only left 4% my part time job and 1% for school.

long story kinda short, i failed.

at this point i was living with a very overbearing mother and a verbally/mentally and sometimes physically (never sexual) abusive stepfather.

My mum. she tried her hardest but only wanted what was best for her, never spent and of my child support money on me, i was totally self sufficient, i paid my own bills, paid for my own food, i even paid rent.

my mum is an amazing woman but she never had time to listen, she was always to caught up in my stepdad to care. and my stepdad was too narcissistic to notice how much the lack of love/affection/attention from my mother was affecting me.

my boyfriend was and still is so supportive and to be quite honest, he is one of the only reasons im still here.

just before my 18th birthday, two months to be exact, i ran away, i packed my car with all of my belongings and drove out of my small town where i have grown up my entire life and drove to the city to live with my dad.

my mum has spoken to me about 5 times since i moved to the city 7 months ago.

the thing you have to understand is that even though my mum never had time for me, i still loved her unconditionally, she was still my best friend, she was the apple of my eye and she doesn’t want anything to do with me because i chose to live with the man that she cheated on rather that her and her psychopathic husband.

anyway, i have gotten completely off topic.

somewhere along the way of me missing graduation because i didn’t see the point in going because i clearly didn’t pass (which btw i hold myself completely accountable for) i lost every single one of my friends.

my ride or die.

my literal “squad” all stopped talking to me the month i moved to the city.

when i moved to the city i ultimately quit my job at the small cafe i had been working at for the past 2 years, halting my only source of income.

so that leaves me;

1. friendless

2. unemployed

3. relying on my boyfriend for all social interactions.

Don’t get me wrong, i love my dad and my step mum, they’re great people but they’re not really the “lets talk about your feelings” type of parent.

they have lived on their own together for 17 years, i don’t have any other siblings, and if i’m honest living here is uncomfortable, i feel like i’m intruding, like i’m not supposed to be here.

i feel like i’m not supposed to be here so often that maybe i shouldn’t be anywhere at all.

i take drugs to escape the reality of my life, i dont have a job and i cant go to uni and/or tafe with student loans because i didnt graduate so i dont qualify for government assistance.

i dont do anything hard, occasionally some MDMA or some weed but its driving my boyfriend and i to fight so often that i take and do more which causes more problems, its just one big cycle.

my boyfriend is joining the armed forces for a minimum of 4 years on the other side of the country and i dont know how im going to cope, i cant bare to spend more than 5 days apart.

i realize that im obsessing and getting worked up over such trivial things but my anxiety with let me stop thinking about it.

if you actually read all of this, thank you. i know theres no ending and ive lefty it so open ended but hopefully theres more to add in the future.

-KT

#lifestory #help #anxitey #depressing thoughts #thanks for reading

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