#she didn’t say oh if nothing else is going on shshshd that would suck she was just like Oh yk! maybe. ya ok..

[munamania]

i feel like. i really do need to try to just get over this and not keep hoping it works out based on. anything. and it sucks because i like her so much. i like her smile and i like her voice and i like listening to her talk about anything and i like how she likes to organize and i like her showing off her little business lessons and today i saw some little moles on her cheek and went :( that’s so cute and i like her grandpa socks and her hands and. ugh. i really like her laugh and when she looks at me and she’s leaning forward laughing i could like combust fully. and i really really wish it was easier to not like her. 😖 ok diary entry rant over

#film girl saga #i’m seeing her friday. i invited her to come hang with some other film ppl too if she’s free and well. #i doubt she’ll be there. she was like oh idk if anything’s going on we’ll see maybe! and like. yeah ok maybe #but i just feel like this is my last time i should uh. throw anything out there particularly if she never does the same yk #and well. while she does talk to me and whatever like. what if i really am just the weirdo film class person she talks to. #fair enough to have entertaining classes but never rlly. wanting to go beyond that #sigh. it just sucks. like whether i’ve been delusional all this time or not having to just. try to not think abt it is so hard #because i do look forward to every monday to see her #and even if i wanted to forget her. jesus everyone i meet lately has her name or it comes up somehow or something else happens and i think #of her and i gotta just like rewire my brain but it’s like my surroundings are so cruel for constantly making me think of her #when i have to just accept that. she had a boyfriend. she may very well be very happy with him. she might be straight! #and i’ve spent soooo long just. thinking something is here. something feels right. and i might just have been massively mistaken. lol #and i’m alone in sitting here thinking about how much i enjoy spending time with her. because she has him. and other people #lol. whatever #she didn’t say oh if nothing else is going on shshshd that would suck she was just like Oh yk! maybe. ya ok..