#see that sounds much less bad. thats like the ideal dream scenario. and some people have the ideal dream scenario but most dont

[splatoonmaster69]

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#vent tw #on one hand finding anything i can 'relate' to is yummy. #on the other its like. im not that fucked up. like its enough to be noticable but its not enough to deserve to get fixed #broken cup is repaired but chipped cup is left chipped or whatever doesnt matter #+ like idk maybe ive desensitized myself or whatever but some of these things just do not seem like as big a deal as everyone makes them #like yeah the world would be better off if i were gone but everyone thinks that. like literally #i mean probably not everyone everyone but not wanting to die is something the normal kids with rich families that care get you know #that makes me sound worse than i am #not eanting to die is for those kids that play sports and have all A+ and 2 parents that love them and can buy tutors and other help #see that sounds much less bad. thats like the ideal dream scenario. and some people have the ideal dream scenario but most dont #and all the kids that dont have to think about how theyre a drain on resources or too dumb to be worth teaching or a burden on their family #and thats not the fualt of the kids but its jsut what happens you know. just how it works. #so idk why its always such a big deal in fiction when a character wants to die because everyone wants to die a little bit #as said not everyone everyone but you know. im normal here #like yeah its a big problem if someone tries to actually do it but its whatever if they dont. #like i tried but it was with pills and im not gonna say other ppl who use them are babies but i was doing it in a baby way #if i just jumped off thr bridge like i always thought then id think im worse than i am see #i took pills cuz i thought they wouldnt hurt so bad or when they did id be asleep #problem is if youve got that kinda coward mentality about how you die then ur never gonna really go thru with it #and i was only in the hospital for a few days so its like it wasnt even real. they couldnt even see thru the big fat lie i told so #but yeah so idk i dont get the big deal tbh. like yes people who wanna die should get help but everyone wants to so #this isnt saying other peoples feelings arent valid i get why its a big deal to people #i just dont think its a big deal for me u know. but thats probably because i dont have problems anyways so its just normal see? #like if it were a big deal 4 me my therapist would push it more and ppl would notice better and stuff #like i know im not loud about it but idk im not loud about it cuz its not a big deal. it literally doesnt matter to me #i wanna die but nobody expects me to do anything about it and i wont do anyrhing about it again unless i feel really bad again #its just like a little fantasy to keep in my head when i feel like and thats normal so its not a big deal #i checked out a couple books from the library that are supposed to be about suicide attempts and stuff #i was gonna read them just to see what mightve happened if id gone farther like i shouldve or if i hadnt lied or something #but then the guy in the first book was like. actually smart and stuff but also he just. walked to the hospital and checked himself in!