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akingdomtheorist · 5 years

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KH Catch Up: BBSFM Terra

-sees Terra- "Oh, so thats the guy who completely destroyed me."

"Why is Roxas here? That's Roxas!"

"How many times has Xehanort been cockblocked from Kingdom Hearts?"

"Are you talkin' shit about Destiny Island?"

"Person I assume is Xehanort, why are you kidnapping someone?"

"Xehanort, why is he kidnapping Roxas, this is a prequel?!"

"Why is he old as shit?"

"Roxas what are you doing in this game?"

"What do you mean you're a brand new heart? What the fuck is happening?"

"Wait a minute... that's the outfit Xigbar saw Xion in."

"This is starting out a lot happier than most KH games."

"Ooh I holdin' it in reverse grip."

"This has conspicuously avoided giving me a name for this character, I'm starting to think it's not Roxas."

"You're right I love her (Aqua) already."

"Is this Ventus?"

"Is he gonna kick my as- wait I'm playing as Terra-am I gonna kick my ass as hard as I did in KH2?" "No." "Awww..."

"Yeah that's fuckin' Xehanort."

"These three are a lot more wholesome at the start."

"So Terra's the Anakin of this game?"

"Ah, we're Power Rangers."

"Wait, do we- OH MY GOD when can Sora do that? Excuse me? That's fuckin' rad!"

TERRA STORY BEGIN

ENCHANTED DOMINION

"Terra just called the Unversed basic."

"He sure did."

"Good to see Maleficent is a manipulative bitch, even now."

"Why does this feel familiar to stand over a sleeping woman after murdering into her house?"

"So Terra's the Riku of this game."

"Time to turning evil is the lowest in any of the games so far. I think Riku even lasted longer."

-melds his first commands- "Heck yeah we got Leaf Bracer! Now I just need Second Chance and I beat the game."

He then died to the boss and learned his lesson of not having Items in his Command Menu.

"Yeah you kinda fucked up there Terra."

He's gonna say this about eleventeen more times.

DWARF WOODLANDS

"I'm surprised the Queen isn't like- how did you get in here."

We are not even an HOUR into this game yet.

"Terra... -sigh- you make bad decisions. Terra stop, just... stop."

"So is Terra's storyline just accidentally working for the bad guys? IS that his entire storyline?"

He figured it out folks and not even an hour in!

"THERE'S MIMICS? There's mimics..." "Does this upset you?" "Why are there fucking mimics..."

CASTLE OF DREAMS

"My favourite idiosyncrasy is just seeing classic Disney scenes and just the one anime character there in the scene."

He has pressed Triangle instead of X seven times and wasted so many items.

"Why can the shoe turtle? It's not a turtle, it's a shoe!"

"I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the blonde alone."

"What emotion is the boot? Salt? Is it salt? So it can kick other people from the boot?"

"Counter Hammer? B'scuse me?" No that isn't a typo.

"You were right, Terra's yeylash game is on point, Jesus Christ."

"I like the idea that the boss is playing his own boss music."

"I might jinx it, but the bosses in this game feel easy."

"Excuse me? That little brat did what?" "How dare you." "I knew that would get a reaction."

-sees cutscene with you know and not Xigbar- "Who the hell are you?"

MYSTERIOUS TOWER

-opens chest- "That was a very dramatic tap. Terra is a very dramatic person."

-sees totally not the Keyblade Graveyard- "That level, it gives me a mixed vibe of Chernobog and Land Before Time."

"Oh shit. I know this place. I got my ass handed to me here."

"I believe everything he's saying, but I don't believe he's guilty and it was an accident."

RADIANT GARDEN

"So is ten year old Squall here?"

"Well, yeah but you won't see him."

"But he's technically here?"

"Yeah?"

"I bet he's a fuckin' nerd."

"I see you lurkin' back there old man Xehanort."

"Merlin!-gasp- Pooh Bear? Is that Pooh Bear?"

"Your Elderness? God dammit Terra."

"Oh it's dis bitch. ITS DIS BITCH."

"Can we just all get along please?"

"Oh Terra..."

"Who the fuck are you? Wait a second... is that, is that Xigbar?"

"What was his weapon? What did he use? Was it gunman? It was gunman."

"Oh hey look, he has a crossbow."

"I don't believe this isn't an elaborate ruse. This has to be an elaborate ruse."

Well he died to Braig.

"I take back what I said about the bosses being easy."

We then spent some time getting Second Chance and Once More because Braig is a shooty bastard.

"I forgot to save."

"Yeah this is way easier." "Not because you have Cure, Cure and Cura in your Command Deck, noooo."

"Oh no. Oh this is how he loses his eye! We did that! Dammit it Terra."

"Terra is 100% the Anakin Skywalker of this game."

"Called it!"

DISNEY TOWN

"So is this... Mario Kart or Diddy Kong Racing?" "You'll figure it out."

"I'm not a citizen. I'm not even an immigrant, I just wandered over here."

"Wait, that was it?!" "You'll be coming back."

OLYMPUS COLISEUM

"Oh wow it's scrawny Herc."

He tried to open a chest, pressed triangle again.

"Yeaaaah, let's make bad decisions."

Then there was the salty agony of the timed battles in the Coliseum.

"So which Final Fantasy character are we gonna fight now?"

"Which Final Fantasy character are you? Who are you?"

"Is this Squall?" "No."

"Who is this?" "He looks a lot younger than he should." "Oh shit is this Zack?"

DEEP SPACE Terra wants to hit nothing he's aimed at. Apparently his weakness is zero gravity.

"Hey it's mah boy."

"Wait isn't that-" "Sparky!" "Yeah we're beating the hell out of him apparently..."

"Oh that's right we're excaped prisoners. Uh... jail break?"

NEVERLAND

"Oh are we helping Hook?" "Yeah." "God damnit Terra."

"Terra makes so many bad decisions, all the time."

"Never mind that this person might be in danger from pirates, I should leave."

"I like how the game was just go out of the cave, go in the cave."

"I've fought 1000 Heartless once I should be fine." He then hit critical health in twenty seconds.

DESTINY ISLANDS

"It's baby Sora and baby Riku!"

"I mean you're the Riku of this game so... yeah I guess?"

"What is happening?! He's seeing the future!"

"Little did Terra know, he set Riku on the path to super villainy."

"Did Terra just make Riku a Jedi? That seemed really official does he have the power to do that?"

THE LAND OF DEPARTURE

"Alright we've gone full fuckin' Darth Vader now."

"-sarcastically- From my perspective the Keyblade Masters are evil!"

"Are we becoming a Heartless?" "No." "It feels like we're becoming a Heartless."

"Did Xehanort just kill him?"

"It was Xehanort!"

"Oh no, he was evil? I would have never guessed! This is such a surprise to me! /endsarcasm/ Look now our home is fuckin' gone because we trusted the evil man."

We then spent lots of time getting commands so he didn't get his ass kicked. There was cross-referencing a guide and everything.

THE KEYBLADE GRAVEYARD

"Oh god it's a save point, and a shop. I think this is it."

"Oh look it's the in-game in engin version of that one cutscene."

"Aqua looks mad at us. We look mad at Aqua."

"Oh hello asshole."

"Since when are you an earthbender?"

"WHEN DID KINGDOM HEARTS GET HERE? WHAT IS GOING ON?"

"DON'T TAKE OFF YOUR HEAD PROTECTION!"

"Why did we take off our armor?"

"We have hurt him a lot, jesus."

"I'm not looking behind me-OH GOD DAMMIT."

"Oh no, oh nonono oh no mm-mmm. This is why you don't take off your protective gear!"

"Oh no this is bad, we're Xehanort now aren't we. So that's why he looks young."

"You get to be the Lingering Will, are you ready to beat yourself up?" "HECK YEAH!"

"So here's the plan: Shotlock, get the shit beat out of us, HEAL, Shotlock, repeat."

"Is he saying yield?" "He's telling you to yield." "NO!"

"Oh hey we got our cape!"

#kh catch up #kh bbs #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts bbs #long post #terra #god damn it terra

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