#scout has RSD and you can FIGHT ME ON THAT

[the-archivists-plus-one]

Gonna let out some thoughts about how I think Scout feels about Spy being his dad once he finds out :)

When Scout was younger, he’d definitely rag on his deadbeat of a dad. I can totally see him doing so, as why wouldn’t he? The dude left his Ma’ to take care of 8 boys by herself, one of which was his by blood, which was a shitty move no matter who you asked.

But this became more difficult once he grew up and learned exactly who his dad was.

The thing that made it easier when he was younger was that when he was a teen, there was no face to pair with the resentment he felt. He couldn’t actually place a human being in that place with complicated morals and emotions, it was just some guy he knew was a piece of shit for leaving. And all was fine like that, he didn’t think about it.

And when he DID have a face to put there? When he DID have a person he knew with all the human attributes he never associated with his dad, with all the complications and complexities? It just made him conflicted, with all too many different emotions and thoughts.

When he finds out Spy’s his dad, he’s forced to think of more than just an idea of a person. He’s forced to see his dad as something- SOMEONE three dimensional, something real. It can’t just be someone he could condemn without a second thought, someone that would’ve done what they would’ve done no matter the situation. It has to now be the guy he knows is much more complex than that, and who he knows always has reasons for doing things, no matter if Scout knows them or not. He’s deliberate with what he does. Always.

So, what would make his disappearance any different?

..Could Scout have been the main reason he had left?

Now, Scout can’t just think of his dad and blame him for everything, for making his own shitty decisions. No, because he knows this guy now, and doubts have been forever planted in his mind.

He’s forced to think more about it. He can’t just let it all be black and white, good and bad, because nothing ever is. The only problem with his realization of this is that Scout is never good when it comes to thinking more.

Because that leads him to overthinking.

Thinking that he is and always will be a failure, a disappointment in his father’s eyes. Thinking that his mom and Spy were truly in love, and Scout had messed it up and led him to leave.

The blame was no longer only on his dad. It couldn’t be. Not anymore.

The resentment he felt couldn’t fully be placed on him anymore. It felt wrong. So much of it was now focused on himself now, and there was nothing he could do to convince himself it should be any different.

Because of this all, he couldn’t fully bring himself to hate Spy. It’d hurt too much. He wanted to punch his face in, so badly, but he couldn’t ever bring himself to do anything even close.

And what the hell did that make him? A coward who couldn’t handle his own emotions? A guy who was just as bad and therefore couldn’t do shit against the man he was supposed to despise?

All of his brothers had such firm beliefs of the guy. All of them would be willing to give him hell and back, whether through the form of physical harm or words, for what he’s done. No one messes with their Ma’.

So here he was, in the middle of his family and Spy, unable to form a concrete opinion on the matter besides how much he hated it. And how much he hated himself.

And surely, he wasn’t alone in that sentiment. At the very least, that’s what Scout believed. It only seemed right. It only seemed fair.

Of course, all of this is internalized within Scout. And it’ll keep going like that until he finally breaks.

And what’ll happen then? Well, I’ll let you decide.

#thanks for coming to my TED talk #:) #scout angst #spydad #but make it ✨angst to the brim✨ #scout has RSD and you can FIGHT ME ON THAT #it’s very prominent in this lmao #tf2 #jeremy tf2 #tf2 scout #team fortress scout #team fortress two

[thetriggeredhappy]

Sniper teases Scout about his height just a little too much and he gets genuinely upset over it and a little self conscious about his figure, at which point Sniper has to reassure him that 'no you have a great figure and being short is adorable and not a bad thing in the slightest'

camera cuts to me writing scout tf2 with RSD for i think the 800th time, just as feverishly as the previous 799

(warnings for body negativity)

-

He thought maybe something was wrong when he noticed Scout being much more quiet than usual even as the rest of the team continued to be rowdy. He thought that maybe something was wrong when Scout was one of the first to toss his cards onto the table and grab his beer to leave. He thought that maybe something was wrong when he ducked into the camper twenty minutes later and saw that Scout was already in bed, curled up and facing the wall.

“Bun?” Sniper asked, and that was when he became certain something was wrong, because Scout didn’t answer at all.

Silence for a few moments as Sniper tried to figure out what to do.

He sat on the edge of the little cot he called a bed, pulling free of his boots and hat and stripping off his button-up. Silence.

“You awright?” he asked more directly.

Scout made an ‘I dunno’ sort of noise. Sniper shifted.

“Feel like talking about it?” he offered.

Scout made another quieter ‘I dunno’ sort of noise, and yeah. Something was definitely wrong.

He stood to go get some semblance of pajamas on and returned not long later, a little relieved when Scout at least budged over to make room for him in bed. He hesitated for a few long moments before putting a tentative hand on Scout’s arm. After a moment Scout moved to pull the arm in question around his waist, and alright. That was a relief too in some ways, because at least Scout wasn’t angry at him, but also worrying because Scout tended to be pretty upset before he tried to be little spoon. Either he’d curl up facing Sniper or he’d insist on being big spoon, wanting to face away was generally a bad sign.

“It’s awright if you don’t want to talk about it,” Sniper said carefully after a few moments, soft against Scout’s hair, “but... if you do, I’ll listen. Promise.”

Quiet for a second. “I love you,” Scout mumbled, and nothing else.

“You too, bun,” he replied, and eventually Scout fell asleep, and he resolved to ask more questions in the morning.

Except Scout wasn’t there in the morning, he’d apparently managed to wriggle himself free without waking Sniper up and left to go somewhere else. And he couldn’t ask Scout any questions before the fighting started because all the blokes were around, and the closest thing to privacy he could hope to get before that night would end up being in the locker room at the end of the day.

And he didn’t even get that, which confused him plenty. Because usually Scout took his time, trying to wind down from battle a little bit. Would chat and goof around like plenty of the others, and always had to spend a good while in front of the mirror trying to get his hair back in some semblance of order.

But this time he showered in five minutes flat and just put his hat on without even drying off properly, out the door before Sniper could get himself together enough to follow after.

He ended up at Scout’s room, knocking on the door hesitantly. And there was a long few moments before Scout opened the door just enough to peek through, hair a bit of a mess, chest bare and visibly surprised to see him standing there.

“You busy?” Sniper asked.

“Uh, not really,” he said, and paused, and finally stepped back from the door, letting it swing open a short way.

Sniper stepped in and took note of how Scout moved away, picking up a towel next to where he had his mirror hung and holding it up near his chest, trying to get his hair in order. He seemed closed off. Nervous, almost. It was a far cry from his usual relaxed bravado, the general sort of ease he tended to move and stand with, the casualness. He seemed... he didn’t know what.

“You awright?” Sniper asked quietly, taking a seat on the edge of Scout’s bed and looking at him.

Scout hesitated. “I mean, yeah. Just... I dunno. Yeah,” he tried.

“Yeah?”

“I, I dunno,” Scout shrugged, and his hair seemed to be in order, but he kept messing with it. “I just, I... I dunno.”

Sniper stayed quiet and waited. Predictably, Scout continued talking a few moments later.

“I just kinda feel... weird. About some stuff,” he said haltingly. “Like... I don’t want you to be worrying about it.”

“Same to you,” Sniper replied easily. “But maybe talking will help.”

Scout hesitated. Hesitated. “...Maybe.”

A long pause. “Go on, then,” he urged gently.

Scout fidgeted with the towel. “I... I dunno. I guess I’ve just kinda been wondering if... if you like me.”

Sniper blinked. “I like you plenty,” he said, not sure what Scout meant.

“No, like—like, if you like this,” he said, gesturing up and down himself loosely with the hand not holding the towel. “Just—how I am, what I’m... like. Because, like, I dunno, I know I’m kind of a big dummy about pickin’ up on hints and stuff sometimes, and I figured, y’know, what if the jokes and stuff are you just sorta hinting that you aren’t into, like...”

He trailed off. Sniper’s expression largely conveyed confusion, he was sure, so eventually Scout managed to spit out the end of his sentence.

“...Guys like me,” he managed.

“Like what?” he asked.

“Like—“ Scout tried, fought with his words. “Like, guys who are kinda short and all scrawny and weird, and the, the babyface thing and just, just being built the way I am, I know I’m not the biggest guy around or on the team or whatever but I just figured if you joke around about somethin’ like eighty times maybe it means you seriously have a problem, and it’s just that I can’t really... can’t really do shit about it but I guess if it’s—“

“You—wait, hold it,” Sniper cut in, surprised, “you—you think I’m being serious when I poke fun about that?”

Scout hesitated for a long moment before managing a jerky little nod.

“Scout, of course I—when I make those jokes, I’m not—“ he tried, stammering, shocked. He managed to wrestle his words into order long enough to get a sentence out. “How long have you thought I was serious?”

Scout shifted on his feet. “...A while,” he said hesitantly. “But... I dunno. You really laid into me the other day and then all the guys were laughin’ and I figured I’d have to be a pretty big idiot to think nothin’ was up. Like, if that was your way of hinting about it and I didn’t pick up on it by then, I’d seem pretty stupid. And I know I kinda am stupid—“

“Scout,” Sniper cut in, brows furrowed together. “That’s not it. Really it’s not.”

Scout’s expression looked doubtful. Sniper continued talking, trying to be careful as he chose his words.

“I like the way you look, I like it a lot,” he insisted. “I make those jokes just to push your buttons a bit, it’s really nothing to be taken this seriously. If I knew it bothered you—“

“But like why wouldn’t you hate it?” Scout cut in suddenly, not quite looking him in the eye. “I’m way smaller than like any of the guys, and not as strong as them, and I just look like a goddamn stick figure and all, and I’m just—I’m, what’s there to like about this?”

“Plenty,” Sniper insisted, and Scout just looked at the floor, doubt crossing his expression again. “Scout, plenty. I’m being serious. Right, look here—“

Scout tried to turn away, cutting him off. “Look, this doesn’t gotta be a whole thing—“ he tried.

“No, we’re talking about this,” Sniper insisted, taking the towel from Scout’s hand and setting it aside. The next thing he took was Scout’s face in his hands, looking him in the eye. “Hear me out.”

Scout went still and quiet, as expected. Sniper was silent for a few moments, thinking about how he wanted to phrase all of this.

“This, here,” he began, smoothing thumbs over Scout’s cheeks as an elaboration, “is comfortable. You’re just the right height for this. And for this,” he continued, leaning in to kiss Scout on the temple, “and for this,” he said, leaning in further to kiss Scout briefly on the lips, “and even more for this,” he said, pulling Scout into an embrace. “You’re just the right size for this. Feels right to hug you. You’re not too big or too small.”

“I’m all bony,” Scout protested under his breath.

“What’s wrong with that?” Sniper asked lightly. “Just a detail, same as what your hair does, same as where your freckles are. Wouldn’t change the fact that I like you.”

“You wouldn’t like me more if I was tall and built?” he tried, sounding disbelieving.

“I’d like you about the same,” Sniper shrugged. “Anything different would be something I still liked, because it’s you either way.” He paused. “Though, to be honest, if you were too good-looking I’d never talk to you.”

Scout laughed a little.

“I’m serious! If you looked like some bloke from a magazine, I’d never get on with you, I’d be too busy being jealous or annoyed,” Sniper continued. “You’d be unbearable! I’d much rather be around you. A real person.”

“So it doesn’t bug you?” Scout asked, earnest, more vulnerable than Sniper expected.

“Not in the slightest. And s’nice sometimes.” He squeezed Scout harder for a moment before pulling back to look at him. “I like the way you are.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Scout seemed to consider that. “...Like, for real?”

“Why’s that so hard to believe?”

“I, I dunno. Just... I dunno. Maybe it’s just that I don’t like it,” Scout mumbled, picking at his fingers.

“Well, that’s a different problem altogether,” Sniper shrugged.

Scout nodded absently. Seemed to think hard for a few seconds. Glanced up at Sniper. “Can I have another hug?” he asked, and Sniper obliged, and Scout squeezed him tight around the neck, leaning heavily against Sniper. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

“Anytime,” Sniper said.

“Not just the hug, the... the bein’ nice thing too.”

“Anytime,” Sniper said again.

It was silent for a long few moments before Sniper decided to cut Scout some slack and break it.

“Y’know one good thing about you being smaller like this?” he asked idly. Scout hummed in question. “Means I can do this.”

He shifted the hold around Scout’s waist and bodily lifted him up over his shoulder.

Scout was set to laughing in an instant, even as he loudly and feverishly began to protest such treatment. “Snipes! Put me down! Snipes put me down you can’t just do that—“

He continued to laugh protest all the way back to the camper, where they stayed for the rest of the night, Sniper deciding every other part of his day could wait—apparently he had a boyfriend who needed assuring.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #sniperscout #speeding bullet #my fanfiction #shut up me #camera also cuts to me avoiding eye contact with the dozen or so requests in my inbox #ill get there i promise

[elliot-orion]

42 - 50 for my number one Hall :P and 58 - 63 for your fav

Should have expected that ;) thank you for the asks!!! Also im super tired while writing this so sorry if it’s not super detailed or anything.

HALL

42. What makes your OC happy?

He’s got a thing for Lush. Lush makes him very happy. Also, he loves to play with his boyfriend’s hair, and he likes sparring with his sister and stuff. Also, the holiday season and getting presents for people. He loves making them happy with the Perfect GiftTM and puts a lot of pressure on himself to do it right. I don’t know how to answer this a lot of shit makes him happy okay? Sheesh it’s not just one thing. 

43. What kind of sense of humor does your OC have?

He’s got a more dry sense of humor than anything else, like Scout, which is pretty fun to play off Sparky’s chaos. He and Scout like shit-talking people in sign language, as you do. 

44. What are some things that greatly upset your OC?

people messing with his hair, people insulting his partners, when he loses control over his powers (it’s a huge fear of his), uh. He gets hella triggered by the scent of rose, and whenever someone gets sick. 

45. What are some things that annoy your OC?

being woken up before noon, not having his coffee made, people cracking their knuckles, sparky calling him Hallway, which he does specifically to annoy him of course. 

46. If your OC has them, what are some regrets s/he has?

OofTM. He regrets a lot of things surrounding his mom’s death, and the whole shit show that made him leave the military (which im not saying bc spoilers but you know what im talking about). He regrets a lot of that part of his life honestly, it wasn’t good times for him. He especially regrets the whole shadow prison debacle, and hurting Sparky.  In general, he sort of hates his powers. 

47. How easily does your OC forgive?

ahahahaha he does not forgive easily. Hall can hold a fucking GRUDGE here okay. and he WILL act on them. 

48. What are some of your OC’s vices?

He’s vain concerning his appearance, for sure. Also the whole grudge thing. He can be a huge hypocrite at times, and he’s got an awful habit of starting fights just because he likes to be in one. Oh, and his sweet tooth. He’s got an awful sweet tooth.

49. If your OC experienced trauma, what was it?

I’m not sure anything Hall experienced fully counts as trauma. His mom died but it was expected. Devastating and definitely something he still grieves over, but not traumatic I don’t think. He was in a war zone and the military for a good 4 years, but he doesn't have PTSD. Idk, there were definitely traumatic things in his life, but i don’t think they ever affected him in a severe trauamtic way, if that makes any sense? Idk what i’m trying to say here. 

50. What secrets does your OC have?

He’s a huge masochist, and part of why he loves fighting so much is the getting beat up part. There’s a reason Scout and his shtick with hits tends to be Scout removing the guy’s powers and then a brawl. Hall loves it. 

SPARKY

Come on you should have expected this, of course im doing sparky.

58. How does your OC take criticism?

Depends on who it is. If it’s a stranger or someone he doesn’t care about then he just laughs. A whole “sounds like a you problem bc i dont care” thing. If it’s someone he cares about, then that’s when the ADHD RSD hits (rejection sensitivity disorder, look it up especially if you have ADHD, a wholeeeee lota shit will make more sense trust me)

59. What does your OC think of him/herself?

I’m not sure how much he fully thinks of himself honestly? Largely, he doesn’t fully care about himself, he doesn’t take care of himself like. at all. Like, he was starving himself, not intentionally, but just knowingly not doing anything to fix it you know? I dont think that stuff is out of self loathing though, i think he just doesn't give enough fucks about himself to care. When it comes to his powers and strength though, he’s a cocky little fucker. 

60.  your OC could change one thing about him/herself, what would it be?

I think he’d want to change his impulsivity. You’d think it’d be how loud electricity is but I actually think he’d be really upset if he didn’t have the relationship with it that he does. But his impulsivity tends to hurt people, especially Scout, and it gets him into trouble a LOT. like a LOT and some of those times are really sticky situations he’d rather not be in, you feel?

61. What is the general impression your OC gives other people?

Chaotic, but overall harmless. They usually regret thinking that. 

62. How emotionally/mentally vulnerable is your OC with other people?

Not at all. Sparky has so many goddamn walls put up that its really shocking to him that Scout and Hall got through, and even after they are dating he still closes himself off all the time. He hates being vulnerable. 

63. How does your OC display love?

Sparky shows it more in the little ways, I think. He seems really brash and like he doesn’t care or pay attention, but he shows he loves people in the small ways, like making extra frosting because he knows Hall loves the sugar and noticing he always uses the same set of pens and getting them for him. Or like, hacking a camera at a theater so Scout can watch his favorite play with subtitles and finding out that Scout has bad allergies when he starts cooking, but not actually digging into their pasts. He’ll do these tiny, easily overlooked things, without really realizing how big they are even, because big gestures or saying how much he loves people is really difficult for him, and he just can’t do it.

Thank you again!!!