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thespianbooks · 4 years

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A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 5//

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10)

(Tags: @thron3ofbooks @df3ndyr @courtofjurdan @art-e-mis @herondamnn @the-third-me @im-still-trying-here @emikadreams @paytin77)

It was all I could do to keep from bursting into joyous tears as Madja announced that I was ten weeks along in my pregnancy. Upon revealing that my suspicions were true, she completed a thorough examination. She determined that since I was in the early stages, that was the cause of lingering sickness and fatigue. Unfortunately, those symptoms would continue until I was about halfway along; where most females felt the best and most of the unlikeable symptoms eased a bit. I was also surprised to learn that a fae pregnancy lasts five weeks longer than a human’s, but it made sense on a larger scale. As powerful immortal beings, we needed more time in the womb to develop.

After her examination, she prescribed a few prenatal herbal teas that I would need to drink in order to aid in the baby’s growth. I smiled at the word, brushing my fingertips along my abdomen again—knowing this would become a new habit for me, and for Rhys. A baby, our baby, growing strong inside of me as Madja promised. He would be as strong as his father, the most powerful High Lord in Prythian, and with my powers combined…

My smile faltered as I realized what this meant.

Years ago, Rhys confided in me about his concern over any potential offspring he might have, afraid they would be hunted and sought after by his enemies. If his children inherited his abilities alone, they would be just as powerful. What did that threat mean now with my blood mixed in?

Cursebreaker. Cauldron-blessed. The first ever High Lady in Prythian, who inherited a drop of power from all seven of the High Lords after being resurrected.

What powers would my child inherit from me? Combined with Rhys’s, our child’s strength would surpass both of ours alone; which meant the same for all the other High Lords of Prythian. We had alliances now, but how many of those would change after they learned about my son? After they saw a fraction of their power in him, in combination with Rhysand’s? My mind began to race and breathing became difficult as I looked down at my stomach, my fingers gripping my tunic in panic. Would he be in danger? Who were we close enough with to know that they would never consider such a thing? What if they came after him before he was born? Would they target me? I had to do something, but what if there was nothing I could do?

I had to protect him—my baby.

Protect, protect, protect.

“My lady,” a gentle voice interrupted the rising chaos in my mind, even gentler hands gripping my shoulders and I saw the healer’s dark eyes meet mine as she leveled a look at me.

I became aware of my ragged breathing, hunched back and tense shoulders, trembling. Her delicate, wrinkled hands moved from my shoulders to either side of my face. A blue aura illuminated those hands as they touched my face, and slowly I calmed. Slowly, my shoulders relaxed and I slid my eyes closed as my breaths evened out, a few tears escaping past my lids.

After a few seconds of that peace, Madja slowly let go of my face and straightened, “You mustn’t be afraid, my lady. Your child will be a very powerful high fae, but you are surrounded by friends—family. The uncertainty the future brings may be frightening, but there is also joy in it,” she said gently as she handed me a handkerchief. “That is what you must focus on right now. The joy in a healthy and developing baby.”

I sniffed as I dabbed at my eyes, nodding in agreement “Thank you Madja. I just felt so overwhelmed for a minute,” I lamented.

“Oh, I see this reaction more often than you would believe. First time mothers have many fears, and you will be no different. Just remember the joy in it,” she reassured.

She was right, I couldn’t allow the fear to consume me. I wouldn’t let it control me or take away from this moment of happiness. This baby, our son, was a miracle. Fae children were difficult to conceive, but Rhys and I had done it. We were going to have a baby; over half a millennia later one would be born into the Night Court’s ruling family—my family. He would be cherished by our Inner Circle, and loved by the people of Velaris; just as they loved Rhys. My heart swelled as I pictured what the moment of joy would look like on his face when I told him; how those violet eyes would brighten and sparkle like the stars and how he would grin. I wanted to paint that moment more than anything, and now after a decade of waiting, I finally would.

“Shall I call the High Lord in for the good news?” she asked as she began packing up her bag of supplies.

“Oh no, please don’t tell him yet,” I urged and she raised an amused brow at me as I flushed, “I want to surprise him...tomorrow at Starfall.”

She nodded her understanding, “I see,” she said as she finished packing and grabbed my hands, squeezing them lightly. “The High Lord will be thrilled, my lady,” she said, and the genuine delight in her voice caused my eyes to burn.

She laughed heartily at the silver lining my eyes, “Expect more of that. Your hormones will cause plenty of surges in your emotions,” she explained empathetically.

I grimaced, “In other words, I’ll be an emotional mess.”

She laughed again and patted my hands, “All completely normal. For now, drink that brew of herbs I gave you three times a day, get plenty of rest, and I will be back next week to check your progress.”

I nodded and walked her to the door of my bedroom, “Thank you Madja,” I said.

“You’re welcome my lady,” she said sweetly before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I touched my stomach tentatively, knowing underneath layers of skin and muscle my child was growing—safely. He was finally real; a manifestation of the love Rhys and I had for each other. So far, only the healer and I knew of his existence, and soon Rhysand would know as well. For the moment, I caressed my still flat stomach and cherished this little time we had alone.

XXX

The hours leading up to our Starfall celebration would be torturous.

Once I emerged from my room and the healer left, everyone was eager to hear her diagnosis of my condition. I did my best to reassure them all that I was perfectly fine, and simply needed more time to recover from my previous illness. Not a complete lie, but I knew they were all unconvinced—especially my mate. I immediately knew that keeping up a façade would be difficult, but luckily, I had plenty of experience with masks of deception. Years in the Night Court with occasional appearances in the Court of Nightmares, and serving as High Lady would certainly assist me in hiding my pregnancy for at least the next twenty-four hours or so.

Later, after we turned in for the night, Rhys begged for a detailed account of Madja’s official diagnosis. I again had to convince him that I was all right, which was technically true. I was pregnant, not sick; so aside from my body working hard to grow a high fae baby, I was fine. An hour into him trying to pry me for more information, I finally managed to silence him by pushing him onto the bed and straddling his hips. This morning however, was more of a struggle. Madja warned me that the fatigue would linger throughout the next several months of my pregnancy, but I soon realized it was going to be an uphill battle to force myself from bed, let alone try and convince my mate that I was still on the road to recovery.

Thankfully, Starfall was finally here; one of our rare days off, and I could use it to my advantage. It had been a while since we spent a day alone together; in the weeks that followed since his return from the Illyrian mountains, we fell back into our regular routine with our schedules as High Lord and Lady. Despite our initial reunion and the brief mating frenzy renewed, which caused us to sneak away from time to time throughout the day, we still attended to our responsibilities. But today was our holiday, and a year from now our child would be here to celebrate his first Starfall. Soon it would no longer be just the two of us, my sisters and our Inner Circle; soon there would be an infant for us to raise and love, so I wanted to continue to take advantage of our time alone while we still had it.

I convinced Rhys to let us spend the morning in bed together, where we took our time worshipping each other's bodies, ate a hearty breakfast and lounged together well into the afternoon. By lunchtime, I felt my energy renew and we enjoyed our lunch in the gardens before we parted to finalize last minute details for the party. Traditionally, that meant Mor and I attended to any directions Elain might have for us and the Illyrians did...well whatever they liked to do before a party.

“They’re probably at Rita’s right now having drinks,” Mor wondered aloud as she and I rearranged the refreshments table in the grand hall.

I stepped back to review my work, and shrugged, “Maybe, but there’s plenty of drinks here, so that doesn’t make much sense,” I reasoned.

“Neither does ‘I’m getting over a cold, I promise,’” she mocked.

I glared at her, but she threw her head back with a laugh, “Don’t look so serious Feyre, whatever secret you have is safe with me.”

I bristled, moving to fuss with a flower arrangement by the table, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as casually as I could.

“I’ve been keeping a secret for most of my existence, Feyre, I think that makes me an expert,” she said.

I paused and looked her way, “Mor-” I began but she held a hand up to stop me.

“Like I said, it's safe with me,” she said and a look of understanding silently passed between us before she turned to the next task Elain set out for her.

Maybe she did already know, and maybe she didn’t. Either way, I believed that she wouldn’t reveal it to Rhys or anyone else for that matter. I took a step back again to examine the room, happy with the decorations Elain meticulously had installed every year. Sparkling bowls of fae lights lit the room in a warm glow, allowing the white marble floors and moonstone columns to illuminate naturally. The delicate chiffon curtains adorning the windowless arched walls were decorated with tiny sparkles of fae light, a design Elain created herself, and accentuated the varying shades of cream, ivory and silver flower arrangements spread out throughout the room. They framed the horizon perfectly and opened up to the expansive veranda that led right into the gardens, allowing guests to move in and out of the estate easily and a perfect view of the spirits' journey across the night sky as we all danced. It was initially my idea to host the people of Velaris in the grand hall, remembering that these were the kind of memories I wanted to make in our new home.

I touched my stomach briefly when Mor wasn’t looking. What would he look like in a year? He would be too small to run around and try to disturb any decorations, so perhaps I would walk him around the estate and show off all the adornments before Rhys and I would put him to bed. We’d no doubt be exhausted, but happy. Maybe we’d celebrate Starfall privately in our suite, just the three of us. I felt that glimmer in the pit of my stomach and I smiled. Would you like that, little one? I thought to myself, wondering if he could hear me.

“It’s perfect!” Elain cheered as she and Nesta walked into the room.

I quickly moved my hand from my stomach as I turned to face them, but not fast enough for Nesta not to take notice. Thankfully, she only raised a perfectly arched brow at me, “Shouldn’t you be getting ready? Your guests will be arriving shortly,” she reminded me.

I nodded, “I was just about to leave,” I said as I looked over their attire.

Elain wore a delicate soft pink strapless A-line gown with a glitter ombre falling from her bust line down to the floor; a braid crowning the top of her head with the rest of her hair flowing just past her shoulders. Nesta, as conservative as ever, wore a long-sleeved gown in a similar fashion, only in a deep violet with a more subtle glittering effect. Her hair was pulled back in a loosely braided bun, a few loose strands of curls framing her face. Despite her controlled face and aloof attitude, I was glad Nesta still joined us after Cassian all but dragged her here for our first celebration in the estate years ago.

“Nuala and Cerridwen are waiting for you in your suite, Feyre. You go get dressed, and I’ll greet everyone, don’t worry,” Elain said sweetly, brushing her hands over her gown when she realized I was looking, silently asking for my approval.

“Just as she does every year,” Nesta interjected as I offered Elain a nod of assent.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and began walking out, “I’ll be back with Rhys before it starts,” I said and made my way back up to my suite.

As Nuala and Cerridwen began my dressing routine, I began to play different scenarios of the speech I would give Rhys when I announced my pregnancy. Only to realize I didn’t really have a speech at all, and began scrambling for one. As memorable as I wanted this moment to be, I was sincerely lacking in creativity and eloquence. I sighed in defeat as I stood before the mirror, checking over my appearance—the same blue-white liquid starlight gown I adorned every year, and my hair swept away from my face with the same diamond studded combs I wore on my first Starfall. In an attempt to make tonight more memorable for Rhys, I wanted to recreate our first celebration together; I asked the shadowed-twins to style me the same way they had that night.

After dismissing themselves, I ran tentative fingers along my abdomen again before inhaling a deep and anxious breath. “Let’s go tell your father,” I said quietly, resigned with the fact that I would just have to wing whatever speech I would give Rhys for the news.

XXX

An hour into the party, after mingling with our friends and guests, the estate’s lights dimmed naturally and everyone began pooling out into the veranda as the star-spirits began their glittering descent. The sky was soon decorated with the spirits twirling and sparkling forms as the guests cheered with raised champagne glasses.

“Raise a glass, my love,” Rhys purred in my ear as he stepped up behind me, his chest brushing against my back as he offered the glass before me.

I hesitated, knowing it probably wasn’t wise to drink now that I knew I was expecting, but took the glass anyway before turning to face him, “Let’s go to our balcony,” I said as I straightened the collar of his traditional black jacket, tracing over the silver-lined pattern on his lapels lightly.

“Now?” He asked with his smug feline grin, “Usually we stay at least an hour after the dancing’s begun.”

“I know, but,” I paused, chewing over what to say next, “I wanted to ask you something.”

Something you can’t ask me around our guests? He asked through the bond, his feline grin turning into a teasing one

I rolled my eyes before brushing past him and striding down the hall, not bothering to look back to make sure he was coming. Well?

“Oh, I’m right behind you Feyre darling,” he purred in my ear again as his hand brushed over the small of my back, walking in step with me to the hall leading to our balcony.

“As you should be,” I said haughtily.

His dark chuckle reverberated through me, my stomach fluttering as I fought a smile and we stepped onto the balcony together. I walked up to the railing, setting my champagne glass aside and stared up at the sky as the star-spirits continued to sparkle and dance. Rhys’s fingers brushed up and down my spine softly as he watched with me, both of us in a comfortable silence. I watched from the corner of my eye as the stars illuminated his handsome face, a warm smile on his lips and I reached a hand down to hold his.

He turned that smile to me, “What did you want to ask me, my love?”

My heart skipped a beat as a question I was genuinely curious about popped into my mind, “What’s the first memory you have of Starfall?” I asked.

“That’s what you dragged me out here in the cold for?” He asked with a smirk, moving to stand behind me as he slid his arms around my waist and rested his chin atop the crown of my head.

I leaned into his embrace, perching my arms on his. I really do want to know

His sigh was peaceful as he contemplated, searching his memory as we continued to watch the sparkling display. Should I show you or do you want me to tell you?

“Tell me,” I answered quietly. My mind too tangled a mess to allow myself into his without the possibility of revealing my secret prematurely.

His arms tightened around me slightly as he smiled into my hair, “I was five years old. My mother and father brought me to the House of Wind, as they did every year. It was the first I managed to stay awake long enough to actually see the star-spirits,” he explained.

Gentle swells of music began to play behind us, and he swayed us from side to side smoothly. “It was years before they began to drift apart, so their relationship was strong. I remember it was the first time I realized how much they actually loved each other; for a time at least. I used to wonder how honest their love actually was, and my mind would always drift back to the memories of them dancing together on Starfall to remind me. It was also the night my mother announced she was pregnant with my sister.

“We were on the balcony at the House of Wind, watching the star shower. I was sitting on my father's shoulders, pointing out every spirit I saw. I was completely in awe of them. I think seeing my reaction made my mother cry, and when my father asked her what was wrong, she said to him ‘I can’t wait for our next child to look at the stars the way he does.’ The look on his face; the genuine elation in his eyes was enough to convince me that, for at least a part of my childhood, they had real love for each other.”

My eyes burned and my throat thickened as he relayed his memories, holding me close as we continued to sway together as the music continued to play. I moved to squeeze his hands lightly, his arms still wrapped around me from behind.

“That’s a beautiful memory, Rhys,” I whispered, my tears still threatening to spill.

He moved to bury his face in the crook of my neck, planting a kiss there as he breathed a peaceful sigh through his nose; still moving us along to the music, “Beautiful as it may be, my favorite Starfall memory will always be the first we shared together Feyre darling,” he whispered back.

I couldn’t help the few tears that fell as I closed my eyes with a smile, squeezing his hands a little harder. Words failed me in that moment and I opened my eyes again, both of our gazes turning to the sky as a large sprite glittered close to us. I gasped as the star-spirits began vaulting across the sky in greater numbers. They decorated the horizon in an endless dance—like liquid starlight sparkling above us as they danced and twirled. I heard the excited cheers of our guests on the other side of the estate and grinned. Mor was right, this year the spirits returned in vast amounts, unlike I ever imagined or thought possible.

A thought for a thought, Feyre darling?

I smiled and grabbed his hands, moving them from my waist and resting them on my abdomen right as that glimmer pulsed through it. “I’m thinking, I can’t wait for our baby to look at the stars the way you do,” I said.

Rhys stiffened at my words and I turned in his arms, making sure his hands stayed on my stomach as my eyes met his, my eyes burning again “I’m pregnant, Rhys.”

His eyes widened and looked down at where our hands rested, as though he might see the evidence now that I said the words aloud. A second later he dropped to one knee before me, eye level with our joined hands as he caressed my stomach fondly.

His eyes, now lined with silver, met mine again, “You’re pregnant?” He choked out.

I nodded with a sob, my words failing me once again and he sucked in a breath as he looked at my abdomen again. “My son, the son you showed me on your birthday, is growing inside of you...now?” He asked, his throat thick.

I sobbed again, a wet laugh escaping as I nodded, “That’s what pregnant means,” I rasped.

I heard his own strangled sob before he shot up to his feet, pulling me into an embrace and lifting me off the ground as he spun me around, chanting my name over and over again. “FeyreFeyreFeyre,” he sobbed in my hair.

I laughed and sobbed and cried all at once, my arms wrapping around his shoulders as he planted me back onto the ground and held onto my waist. His forehead rested against mine and I brought my hands up to brush his tears away while my own shamelessly poured down my cheeks.

“When I first noticed how different your scent was, I thought it was possible, but I didn’t want to say anything and get our hopes up,” he explained as he brought his hands up to wipe my tears away as well.

“You were suspicious this whole time?” I sniffed with a laugh.

“You’re my mate, I knew something was going on, but you didn’t even seem to realize it so I didn’t say anything,” he said, thumbs running over my cheeks as I held his wrists gently.

I smiled, “To be fair, I didn’t catch on until yesterday, after I fainted. I can’t believe I was so dense,” I laughed in disbelief.

He shook his head, returning his hands and gaze to my stomach “You weren’t...neither of us saw it coming,” he said softly.

“We tried for so long Rhys,” I whispered, my hands coming to rest on his chest.

He caressed my stomach again, “We’re going to have a baby,” he swallowed and his violet eyes met mine. “I love you beyond measure, Feyre. You’ve given me more than I could have ever dreamed of, more than I could possibly deserve, and now,” he dropped to one knee, again surveying my stomach as he continued, “I can’t wait to meet the son you’re blessing me with.”

I sobbed again and wrapped my arms around him as he leaned in to place a kiss on my abdomen. He stayed there for a minute before rising again, slipping his arms around my waist and capturing my lips with his. I kissed him back deeply, holding him close as we resumed moving to the music—dancing slowly as the stars continued their whirling journey beyond the horizon. Our brows pressed together as we swayed, and I draped my arms over his shoulders as his hands held my waist.

After today, this better be your new favorite Starfall memory, I said down the bond.

His answering smile was mischievous. Until next year, when I can dance with you on one arm and my son on the other.

My heart tightened at the thought, and I kissed him again. To the stars who listen, Rhys.

To the dreams that are answered, Feyre.

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emthinks · 7 years

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A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas

No. No. What? No.

I don’t have thoughts. I do not comprehend. Give me a few moments (days, weeks) to gather the broken pieces of my brain. I shall be back.

Fair warning: Someone told me ACoMaF is like wrapping you in a warm, fluffy blanket and not letting go while EoS is stabbing you a thousand times with needles. I’d like to point out right now that that statement is false. ACoMaF can be a warm fuzzy blanket at first, sure, but one that slowly falls apart so just when you think you’re safe and okay, it freezes your ass off because it can’t protect you any longer. It betrays you.

Rating: 9.8/10

My Notes (as condensed from my iPad):

I start off and my first thought is: “wtf is going on?” Like, there’s a wedding? Feyre/Tamlin right? No. No. Like, five pages in and I’m reading about dresses and parties and Feyre saying how she wishes she’d one day learn to love her role as the blushing bride and all I’m hearing is no. Because Feyre is not, under any circumstances, just a pretty bride or the helpless princess. She is a warrior among her own right and should be treated as such, damn it. Wtf happened in that time gap between the end of ACoTaR and the beginning of this book? What the fuck?

And she’s not allowed to help? At all?

“Feyre Cursebreaker”. Huh. That’s new.

“I was introduced and passed around” like a fucking toy? Hell no.

“Alone in my bedroom, I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I’d truly laughed.” Jfc. Is it just me or does it sound like Feyre might be in a little – just a little – pain? Huh, Tamlin? Tamlin, who doesn’t give two shits and who doesn’t wake up when Feyre is puking her guts out every night? Wow, what a wonderful and supportive fiancé you are Tamlin. Would really want to marry you

Also, is it just me or does the first part of this where Feyre is trapped read a lot like Just Ella? Anyone ever read that? It’s about after the happily ever after of Cinderella. Except it’s not much of a happily ever after. That’s how I felt. Like this was just a really shitty happily ever after.

Also, hey, after three months Rhys finally calls in the bargain. Right during Feyre’s wedding. Good. Because Feyre sounded like she was so done with this right now. Except she’s so deep in denial, it’s kind of side. Also, like, Tamlin just gave up so easily – he just threatened Rhys a bit and called it a day. Like, no. If you really love her – if you really want Feyre – you should be fighting a little harder for your bride-to-be.

Hey! Feyre gets to learn how to read and write. “Rhysand is the best, Rhysand is awesome.” That’s hilarious. Also, Feyre is learning Occlumency. I’m literally getting flashbacks to HBP and Snape’s lessons with Harry. Fun, right?

Yes, yes, yes! We finally rescue Feyre! Yay Mor! “Not safe. Not protected. Free.” Hell yeah you are!

The Court of Dreams vs. The Court of Nightmares. Oh I love that.

Okay, idk what that whole prison scene shit was but it sounded a lot like Azkaban. But worse. Because these prisoners have been here for a long time. Also, the Bone Carve scared the shit out of me. It better not come into play later – Feyre shared one too many secrets with that asshole.

The whole Weaver scene was absolutely insane. Like, I couldn’t flip the (metaphorical) pages on my iPad fast enough. Feyre needed to get out. (Fuck you Rhys and making her fetch a ring.) Feyre has to get out. Go, go, Feyre!

Wow, this scene with Elain and Nesta went real well, didn’t it? Nesta, wtf? I thought you were supposed to be on our side?

Also, the Feysand training is basically Rowaelin training. Fae mates are just merciless, aren’t they?

The Summer Court bit was fun. A nice break. I like Tarquin. Tarquin is our friend. Also, going down to get the Book, I knew shit was going to go to pieces. There’s no way they’d make it that easy for us. And guess what? I was right

Wow, the mortal queens are assholes. Willing to abandon the island to save the continent. Fuck them.

Also is it just me or did the sex scenes read like fanfics? I’m not complaining, per say, just finding it…odd. Very well-written fics, but…fics nonetheless. Basically, what I’m saying is that Sarah J Maas’s original stories read like my favorite fanfics/authors and you don’t understand how ecstatic I am about that.

Like that throne room scene in the Court of Nightmares? Literally the sexual tension was through the fucking roof. It got so heated. Was expecting they start banging right there in front of everyone.

I mean, so were the cabin scenes, I guess, but that throne room. JFC. Combustion. I was in public reading this on iBooks on my phone and I was like so worried people would take the words out of context. That would've been awkward

Starfall scene was wonderful and beautiful and fluffy and feels

Okay, that journey to the Illyrian camp could’ve gone a lot better. Like, I thought everything was okay, right? And then Feysand go into the mountains to train. And who shows up but Lucien? Like, still convinced Feyre is brainwashed and here to “rescue” her.

And if that wasn’t enough, basically immediately after, we get Rhysand super injured because some assholes just shot him with ash arrows? Like, no. It’s Hybern. Ofc. Fuck them.

Okay, love how whenever Feyre has a question/problem, she just goes and traps the Suriel

They’re mates! Yes! I knew it! Thanks Suriel!

Okay, Feyre, wtf? Why you running away into a secluded cabin? All Rhys wanted to do was protect you.

But lol, Mor telling Feyre to paint her eyes next to Amren’s so they can all judge the boys is great. I love it.

Finally, finally Feyre just accepts it. God, you’ve been family for ages already jfc just accept it and can we move on please?

Okay, Rhys talking about he was dreaming about Feyre for years, even when she was mortal, and how she was all that kept him sane Under the Mountain was just heartbreaking

THEY SHOWED THEM VELARIS AND THEN THEY WERE ATTACKED

I know the nice queen warned them not to trust the other queens, but seriously? Velaris?! The only beautiful thing left in this fucked up continent? You assholes

“So I won my wedding ring without even being asked if I wanted to marry you.” Wow. Figures it would go something like this.

So the whole “let's go destroy the Cauldron” part sounded sketchy from start to finish lbr, so I was just waiting for something to go wrong

I just didn't anticipate it to be that wrong

First Feyre puts the Books together. Which. Idiot

Then Jurian shows up. I'm not particularly sure his storyline (am still confused about his history) to tell us that he's just been sent here to distract us

And then they shoot Azriel. And all I'm thinking is “Fuck they WOULD target Azriel”

And so they can't do shit. The most powerful people ever, Feyre with all seven court lords’ powers, Rhysand as the most powerful High Lord, Cassian as a ridiculously powerful Illyrian, Mor who was auctioned off as a bride because of her power – none of them could live a god damned finger. And I was SO worried

And then fucking TAMLIN AND LUCIEN STEP THROUGH

HELLS NO

I have to be reading this wrong. <Goes back to reread last line of last chapter> Fuck. No.

Fucking Tamlin is delusional and Lucien’s loyalties are ridiculous and you literally just let the dude who wants to destroy the whole world in through your backyard so it'll be easier for him to destroy your world, and all for what?

But noooo, we’re not done yet. The mortal queens show up

And we learn they've given up their whole world to be made immortal. Like, what?

And then we’re thoroughly fucked because Feyre’s sisters get dragged in

We learn that the King of Hybern can use the Cauldron to turn mortals immortal. And Nesta and Elain are the test subjects

(Keep in mind that I am reading this whole ending, starting from like right before they reach the Cauldron, in line at lunch. In public. And I couldn't scream or flail and it was torture)

Cassian’s WINGS. Omg I almost forgot. Cass no. He'd rather have death than not be able to fly Cass NO

I almost lost it - would've started crying had I not been in public – when they made Elain go first.

Elain comes out Fae, which, yay? At least she’s not dead. And she's immortal now

Nesta goes down, kicking and screaming and cursing the King of Hybern. And that line – that line of “I knew something was different”, I nearly knocked into somebody in line before me because I was so worried it would say she was dead

But she wasn't. Thank the Cauldron. Actually, fuck the Cauldron

But we’re not done yet. Not even close.

Because Feyre starts to say she's willing to do anything – give up anything – to those she loves. To save her sister. And – oh no – a feeling of dread starts to build up…

Feyre fucking manages to convince everyone that she was indeed under Rhysand’s spell and she's in love with Tamlin again. Like, no Feyre.

And if that wasn't enough, fucking Feyre asks – asks – the King of Hybern to break their bond. NO NO NO. We just spent like five hundred pages trying to make the bond are you ducking kidding me?

It happens anyways. And we’re sobbing right alongside Feyre. As she returns to the Spring Court with Tamlin and Lucien

And then we get a Rhysand PoV. And we learn that LOL actually, the mating bond wasn't cleaved. Just the whole bargain one. And also, LOL, Feyre can now be a spy for us. And also, LOL, we got married last night. And also, LOL, I made her the High Lady of the Night Court so fuck y'all fuckers

Tbh, that one Rhysand PoV at the end was my saving grace. I don't think I foul would've been as soothing if we heard it just from Feyre. I needed to have known that Rhysand was on board too, that this was what we had to go with

I mean, I'm still not actually happy with the ending, but it's (spoiler alert: EoS) still one hell of a better ending than EoS. Fml #savefeyre

“When you spend so long trapped in the darkness, Lucien, you find that the darkness begins to stare back.” – Feyre Archeron

The Characters:

One thing that I really loved about this second book was that we really got to see how Feyre grew, as a character and as a person and how she learned to fight. Like in the beginning, she was so helpless – or, rather, she thought she was helpless and should just subject herself to Tamlin locking her up, but then she runs away and starts training with Rhysand and it gets so much better. But not immediately, because that would be unrealistic. Instead, Feyre slowly learns about her abilities and what she can do with the powers of all seven High Lords, and it’s a slow process. Especially in the beginning. She has no control – she’s just been made High Fae, so it’s understandable. But to read about the trials and error she undergoes, how she learns how to winnow and how she works on her water abilities in the Summer Court because she’s near Tarquin and how she finally gets over Tamlin (mostly) and shapeshifts and it’s great. It really is. Feyre has become a bamf and I can’t wait to see what she can do – what she will do – now that she’s an official spy in Tamlin’s Court. She’s no longer going to be held down, locked up. Not anymore. Not this High Fae Feyre. Not the High Lady of the Night Court. No, if you upset Feyre – if you get on her bad side – you better pray to whatever god or Cauldron you believe in that she leaves and piece of you behind when she’s finished. She can defend herself now, fight for her own rights, and I think that’s so important.

Rhysand is not an asshole. What do you know? Well, I never thought he was a complete asshole, even in ACoTaR, because he was just subjecting himself to Amarantha Under the Mountain to protect his people, after all. But then in ACoMaF, we learn just how far he’s willing to go for his people. To protect Velaris. And honestly, Velaris is like a fucking dream. It’s beautiful. Who wouldn’t want to protect this city? And we learn Rhys has sacrificed so much of himself for others, to make those he love happy, to make sure his friends weren’t Under the Mountain and even initially giving up on Feyre because he just wanted her to be happy, even though if it meant if he’d be suffering for all of eternity. Like, Rhys, when have you ever done something nice for yourself? You should. When this trilogy ends, you better treat yourself good. I mean it. That’s an order.

Cassian is amazing. He’s so entertaining and fun and I love him. He’s like the jokester of the group. Except after hearing his backstory, you start to wonder why he’s the jokester. Why he’s so goddamned happy all the time and – more importantly – how? Like, Cassian’s childhood was shit. Azriel at least knew he was special and Rhys. I mean, with Rhys, everyone knew he was the child of the High Lord of the Night Court and thus his powers were through the roof, even if he was training with everyone else. But with Cassian. Oh poor Cassian. I felt so bad because Cassian was just a regular guy who just wanted to prove his worth but wasn’t allowed to and he had to go through so much and he deserves all the happiness he gets right now and and and his wings! I almost screamed when I read about his wings being burned off (or ripped?) and I can’t. He has to be fine. They have to be fine. They said an Illyrian warrior would rather die than not be able to fly, and I don’t know about you, but I can’t have Cassian dying on me. Nope. That’s not going to happen so you better buck up and get those wings fixed mister before I even get to ACoWaR.

Mor is Nehemia. But more badass. Like Nehemia fought with words and subtly, while Mor was in your face and you had to defend from that. Mor is great. I really wish Feyre had bonded with Mor more. (Wow, “Mor more”. That sounds weird even in my head while I’m writing it.)

Unlike Mor, I didn't know what to think of Amren for a while. She seemed okay. She's Rhys’ second in command so she had to be a good person, and capable. And then we learn more about her. About how she's not of this world – of how she's so fucking powerful, she's currently on a leash. (Rhys mentioned at one point to Feyre that if all else fails, he’ll find a way to unleash her powers on the world and kill himself first.) And she drinks blood. Which I did immediately think when Feyre saw her not eating, but I thought that would be too Twilight-esque. Apparently not. Still, she's not a vampire so I'm not particularly sure what she is. I want to know. I want to know what Amren really is, and I want to see her going full out and ravaging the King of Hybern. That would be a sight to behold.

Azriel is my kind of guy. He's silent but he's always present and he's so damn good at his job, it bothers him when he can't accomplish shit immediately. He's like always on call and he's just as capable as everyone else in the Inner Circle and it’s wonderful.,

Tarquin is freaking awesome. I really liked him. I didn’t think I would. But he was an idealist, a young High Lord, and he was like Rhysand. Except not as cunning. I think he would make a wonderful ally. And I think, if we just explain the situation to him, we could get him on our side, making him understand why we needed the Book. Also, side note, Tarquin sends giant rubies personally engraved as a sign of aggression. Like, sign me up please! Where can I get some of those?

Tamlin is a fucking bastard. There’s no nice way to put it. Tamlin is a bastard and I can’t believe I liked him before. Jfc. Did you have to ruin everything, Tamlin? Everything. He ruined literally everything. And for what? A woman who no longer loves you because you had locked her up, didn’t listen to her. A woman you didn’t treat as your equal. And you wonder why she wanted to escape so badly from you? Why she’s still secretly escaping? You are delusional and you are an idiot and I really hope you come back to us (because you’re hot) because otherwise, you’re going straight to hell, a grave right alongside the King of Hybern and Ianthe and Jurian.

Lucien is honestly not much better. Could be worse. Still doesn’t question Tamlin. Still doesn’t try to fight him. He knows Feyre is wasting away. He knows Tamlin is doing some dumbass shit. He knows. He has to know that Tamlin making that god damned bargain with the King of Hybern was the stupidest thing he could’ve ever done, but did I see him do anything? Nope. Just sobbing over a once-human mate. You’ll get what’s coming to you, Lucien, unless you convert too. I’m sorry, but I really have no pity for you. You’re not dumb, Lucien, nor blinded by love, like Tamlin can claim, so I don’t really understand why you aren’t protesting more – your protested more in ACoTaR when Tamlin wouldn’t tell you shit about the curse! Jfc Lucien I know you can do more, so I better see you step up your game, talk to Feyre, otherwise if she leaves you behind, I won’t protest.

With Ianthe, I really should've seen it coming. Because she was just such a randomly introduce character whom we had no background for, unlike Lucien, so we couldn't even see if she was semi-decent and she's complying with Tamlin’s every wish and ignoring Feyre and dressing her up and not an actually friend. One thing I'm glad this book did is teach Feyre who actual friends are and what they'd do for each other. Aka. The Inner Circle and not Ianthe.

“The issue isn’t whether he loved you, it’s how much. Too much. Love can be a poison.” – Rhysand

The Ships:

Feysand (Feyre/Rhysand): Is beautiful. They’re mates. I knew it! I predicted it ever since Rhys’ eyes went wide Under the Mountain. That parting scene. And it’s everything and more that I could want from them. Really.

Azriel/Mor: Is the saddest relationship ever. I don’t mean sad like Tamlin/Feyre said (that’s just messed up) or sad like there’s no chemistry. I mean sad like why the fuck haven’t they fucked yet? Like, Azriel doesn’t think he’s good enough or something, and I guess Mor thinks the same, because of what she had to undergo as a powerful woman born in the Court of Nightmares. Like, no. Literally, “Azriel would likely love Mor until he was a whisper of darkness between the stars” should not be the best quote about your relationship. Please fix this. Please. Someone, anyone. Feyre? Rhysand? Amren? Cassian?

Nestian (Nesta/Cassian): it’s not just me, right? Like, this is an actual thing? I think they’re mates. I also think they’re going to tear each other apart before they admit that, but hey, it’s Nesta and Cassian. That wouldn’t be surprising at all.

Elucien (Elain/Lucien): These two are actually mates. And honestly, I think this could work out really well. Or really badly. Like, Elain is the one who was engaged to an anti-faerie guy, but Elain is also a lot nicer. A lot less strong-willed than Nesta. So as long as Lucien isn’t an ass – which, honestly, he seemed just shocked – we should all be good with this pair. They seem like they’ll be cute.

Tamlin/Feyre: Is someone seriously still questioning the shipping dilemna? There isn’t. Tamlin is an ass and it’s Feysand all the way and if you aren’t Feysand that’s some fucked up relationship you’re behind right there. I’m not about that shit, sorry not sorry.

“I was his and he was mine, and we were the beginning and middle and end. We were a song that had been sung from the very first ember of light in the world.” – Feyre Archeron

My Questions:

Just what are the limits of Feyre’s powers?

Like, she has the power of all seven courts, all seven High Lords. Does she have a limit? I want to see her go full out. The Cauldron was practically singing to her. She would tear the whole god damned world apart if she mastered all seven courts. And it would be glorious to watch her do so.

Wtf happened when Nesta went into the Cauldron?

Like, Feyre said that with Nesta (in comparison to Elain) it was different. Did Nesta get more powers? Was Nesta’s grudge against the King of Hybern going to come into play.

Wtf is Amren?

I really want to know what Amren is. To see the full extent of her powers. Because she will decimate her opponents, especially without whatever leash holding her back that Rhys casually mentioned that one time. I want to see her go to town on the King of Hybern. She better. It’s the least she can do, after everything her friends have gone through.

“No one was my master – but I might be master of everything if I wished. If I dared.” – Feyre Archeron

My hopes/predictions for the future:

I finally get what #savefeyre means

And I wholeheartedly agree

Yes, she’s a spy, but she’s also your mate Rhysand. Go and get her back god damn it.

Also, it might be stupid and naïve of me, but I’m still holding out hope that Tamlin joins them.

I have slightly higher hopes that Lucien will understand. Or at least work with them (Feyre, mostly) because his mate has been taken. But I think Lucien understands and can sympathize better with Feyre in general, so I have higher hopes that he’ll really join their forces and work with Rhysand and see that the Night Court isn’t just a bunch of assholes

Oh, that’s another thing I want to happen: people seeing the Night Court as it truly is – a split between the Court of Nightmares and the Court of Dreams. People being able to see – and appreciate – Velaris (fuck those mortal queens. Fuck those bitches to hell. I’m with you on that Feyre)

Although, the Court of Nightmares does exist still, so I really hope that after everything is said and done and the King of Hybern and fucking Ianthe, that bitch, and the mortal queens and Jurian and everyone is disposed and taken care of that we can go back with Mor and Cassian and Azriel and sack the god damned place. And return the wonderful treatment Mor received during her time as a female in that underground

Another thing: Amren. Amren and her power. I really want to see what the fuck she can do – what her limits are

And Nesta and Elain! I want them to fight alongside Feyre & co. That would be ideal. And drag along Lucien.

“To the stars who listen – and the dreams that are answered.” – Rhysand

#emthinks #emthinks books #sarah j maas #sjm #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #acomaf

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