#reiyaxa tag

[ohlawsons]

fictober day 1: i chose you [rei/theron] set during umbara, ft. redemption arc rei! remember when i said it would be a fun au and less angsty than canon

“I gave up everything for you.” There’s something colder than rage, sharper than grief in Rei’s voice, and all those months of training and meditating and learning in the Jedi Enclave can’t hold back the way she embraces the sudden rush of darkness. It’s almost instinctual, and if it weren’t Theron standing opposite her, she doesn’t know that she could force it back down. “My home. My titles and status. Everything.”

Her voice cracks and falters and breaks, and for a moment she thinks Theron hesitates — but then it’s gone, and that hard, determined set of his jaw is back and the familiar warmth in his eyes is replaced with something like apathy. “I know. And what good has it done? Just look at Iokath, all that bloodshed, everything the Alliance has done in your name since.” He pauses as Lana cuts him off, but Rei’s too focused, too frozen in shock and disbelief, to hear what she says. “We’re supposed to be allied with the Republic, but we’re no better than the Empire. Somebody has to stand up and do something about it.”

His words hit her like a ton of durasteel, because he’s right, isn’t he? She’s claimed to stand with the Republic, but her single-minded hunt for the traitor in the wake of Iokath would’ve made Sith Intelligence look tame. And her training with the Jedi? The bitter rage festering within her — the way her empty hand clenches, as if she can physically feel and mold the darker sides of the Force and employ it to her will — is proof enough that the lessons don’t stick.

Perhaps, she thinks, she’ll never be more than the girl in the fighting pits, clawing and fighting for every last scrap.

“But I chose you.” Her voice is quiet, and small, barely audible over the rush of the train around them. “Isn’t that enough?”

“This isn’t about us. It’s not even about the Republic and the Empire — it’s bigger than that.” He’s pacing, now, and up until a few moments ago Rei would’ve assumed he’s gathering his thoughts, expending excess energy in the best way he knows how. There’s a hand on her shoulder — it’s Lana, eyes alight with power and rage and a tenacity that Rei has been trying to give up since she began her training with the Jedi. “This is about the endless cycle of war,” Theron continues, steps slowing as he turns towards the two Sith — ex Sith, or whatever it is that they are, now. “Needless, senseless fighting that I thought we would put an end to after we took down Valkorion. But all you’ve done is make it worse. And I’ve helped you.”

It’s not really sinking in, all the things he’s saying, but as Rei watches the way he stops and turns and reaches for his blaster, her mind races to try and comprehend such a thought that so much of the last several months have been leading up to… this. “I loved you.” It’s almost a question, the way she says it, head tilting to the side as she considers the words even as she speaks them; she thinks she’d said the same thing, all those years ago, to Zash before she’d struck her down. Then, it had been a plea — now, a quiet, curious thought spoken aloud.

Theron doesn’t respond, not aloud; his brow furrows and Rei thinks she can sense, for just a fraction of a second, something like regret that washes over him, but then his blaster’s out and Lana’s slamming her out of the way and the train seems to explode around them. When she gathers herself again — when things stop spinning around her and she’s dusting off the deep indigo Umbaran dirt from her robes — she feels a brief, firm hand at her back in what she assumes Lana means as comfort.

“Come on.” Her words are terse, clipped; there’s a low hum of the dark side that radiates from Lana, more vibrant and exposed than Rei is used to with her. “He went that way,” Lana continues, one hand at her brow to shield her eyes and the other pointing off towards their right. “We can still cut him off if we hurry.”

…

She hadn’t bothered with pleasantries when she’d returned to Odessen. Lana was left to handle the official business — which was fine with Rei; she didn’t know how to put into words everything that had happened — while Rei marched off to the Force Enclave, practically dragging a protesting Kira back to her quarters.

There’s traces of him all over. A shirt thrown haphazardly over the back of a chair. A chipped mug from some tourist-y garden world sent by Jonas one year as a gag gift. A datapad, idling on the bedside table. Rei ignores it.

“The Jedi call for peace,” she says, leading Kira over towards an empty chair and motioning for her to sit. “A lack of emotion,” she reasons, beginning to pace as Kira watches on with a quiet, concerned frown. “And this brings power?”

Kira’s brow furrows, and she takes a long, slow look at Rei before answering. “That’s… not really how it works, no. Look, Commander, what happened—“

“Then what is the point,” she snaps, “if the Code does not create stronger Jedi? Why else would anyone follow it? If the Code calls for no emotion,” she reasons, voice growing louder and more insistent as she raises up one hand to count on her fingers, “no passion, and no death — then it’s the very antithesis of what the Sith believe, and yet the Jedi seem to think themselves a match for the Sith.”

There’s a beat of silence as Kira leans back in her chair to watch her with a flat stare, arms crossed, as if waiting to see if Rei’s brief outburst is finished. “It’s the opposite of the Sith, yeah. And the point isn’t power, it’s… clarity.” She falters, almost imperceptibly, but her frown goes unnoticed by Rei — still furiously pacing across the room. “The dark side tends to cloud things.”

“Clarity.” Rei’s footsteps slow to a stop, and she sits in the middle of the couch opposite where Kira is, allowing herself a few moments to let the word roll around in her mind; something about Kira’s simple explanation makes more sense to her than any of the self-righteous preaching from any of the other Jedi who have attempted to train her, and Rei gives a slow nod. “I think I understand.”

Kira leans forward, some of her distaste turned to concern and curiosity. “What happened out there?” The room is quiet, and when Rei offers no response, Kira adds, “Theron was my friend, too, so if something’s happened to him—“

“He’s fine.” Rage begins to bubble up within Rei, a familiar warmth that she’d so long sought out in comfort; with a stubborn sort of intention, she forces herself to push it back down, to swallow back the heat and stifle it before it can grow. If this is what it means to be a Jedi, she thinks, to push aside everything that has brought her strength and power for so long — since before she even knew what the Sith code was — then this is what she’ll do in her search for clarity. Perhaps her mind has been too long clouded by rage and grief — from scars held from her childhood, the betrayal by Zash, Thanaton striking her down as she began her ascent through Sith hierarchy, Arcann taking everything from her before she had the chance to return the favor.

She doesn’t know that clarity could’ve kept Theron from leaving. But, perhaps, clarity will keep her from losing any more.

#swtor #fictober22 #brooke does fictober22 #reiyaxa tag #theron shan #otp: my favorite mistake #fic: rei #parallels fic #brooke writes things #i hate that i'm already a day behind but yall i've had *no* time this weekend #also sorry in advance for any weirdness in swtor fics this month bc it has been a literal year since i've played #watned to resub this week but no time 😥

[ohlawsons]

i played the fool (you played the martyr)

summary: As with everything else between her and Theron, there’s always been a back-and-forth, a push-and-pull, a predictable wobble in their unsteady orbit around each other.  or; Nathema throws some things into question and throws others into sharp focus. Maybe this is a conversation that's long overdue. pairing: Rei/Theron word count: 4659 notes: back on my bullshit with 4k words of chaotic bisexuals

***

Countless things flash through Rei’s mind as Theron falls, but her foremost thought is that she’s glad he’ll be too focused on the pain — if he’s even still conscious — to pay attention to her, because she really doesn’t think he’ll appreciate the things she has planned for Vinn Atrius.

(She recognizes his voice, now, from that first transmission they’d caught back on Odessen, months ago when this had all begun. She’d crushed the holocomm as the message replayed, using the Force to reduce it to mangled metal and a shower of sparks. They were going to find him — the Zakuulan, not Theron; she hadn’t yet acknowledged out loud that Theron was no longer on Odessen — and she’d announced to the war room that she was going to end him in a variety of painful ways.

Lana had been the only one present who hadn’t flinched.)

It’s been nearly six months since Umbara, six months since she’d held back Lana and watched Theron and Zaara walk away. Six months of galaxy-wide broadcasts and half-hearted warnings that she would be bringing him back to Odessen — alive —  and six months of carefully nurtured rage and grief and confusion held tight in her chest, growing and festering until a moment like this, a moment where she has somewhere to focus all of this pain and uncertainty.

But she forces that from her mind, for now. T’sereen kneels beside Theron, and Rei knows the former Jedi will do everything in her power to keep him alive; even as Rei stalks towards Atrius, even as she rips the saber from his hands and reaches out to force him to his knees, she can sense as T’sereen begins healing Theron. It’s enough — just as it will need to be enough when she clinches her hands tight, grasping onto Atrius with the Force and gripping, pulling, tugging.

She wants to take her time. She’s Sith, after all, and she’s furious — hands shaking, eyes alight with a ocher burn, the darker edges of the Force wrenched and shaped through her will alone — and she’s spent so long planning this moment, waiting and wishing and wanting, debating the very best way to express all these months of equal parts bitterness and despair.

But Theron would protest, if he were in any shape to protest rather than out cold on the ground behind her, so instead Rei continues to pull, and with one last effort to expend all her pent up energy there’s release and the sundered halves of Atrius’ armor-clad body clatter to the ground.

She suspects Theron would still protest.

But it doesn’t matter. Lana and Zaara are already rushing past her to the console, but Rei almost can’t find it within herself to care; the grief she’s so studiously built up over the months is gone, and its sudden loss leaves her exhausted and swaying on her feet. She joins T’sereen, stands just behind her and watches as the Jedi works, cursing beneath her breath as her hands move over the wound on Theron’s chest.

“He’ll live,” is all she says at first, before standing without warning and hoisting Theron up with her, beginning to carry him back out of the ruins. “I need to get him back to the med bay on the ship. Go save the galaxy,” she adds, jerking her head towards the console.

Rei watches as they leave, eyes trailing them a moment longer than she knows is necessary; letting out a slow breath, she turns back to where Lana and Zaara are now focused on tearing the systems apart, and Rei lets electricity begin to spark and crackle along her fingertips.

 ***

 She doesn’t leave him alone once they’re back on the ship, maintaining a stubborn watch over him in the medbay even as Lana needles her about putting together an official statement for Odessen and T’sereen shoos her away, fussing over Theron with a combination of kolto and her own Force healing abilities. Andronikos joins her, too, letting Zaara take the helm so he can sit with Rei instead of sleeping.

“For what it’s worth,” he says after T’sereen leaves to get some sleep of her own, “this isn’t as bad as you were after Thanaton. That was…” he pauses, and there’s a ragged edge to the words even after all these years. “You looked a lot worse than this. And you still pulled through, even with those ghosts toying with you.”

Rei doesn’t bother turning from Theron. “The ghosts kept me alive,” she reminds Andronikos, aware her tone has slipped into something akin to a pout; she figures she’s entitled to a bit of pouting, really, given the way things have gone recently.

“Sort of.” Another pause. “We didn’t have a Jedi, either.”

The way he shrugs as he says it — as nonchalant as anything — is enough to pull a tired grin from Rei. She rests her head on his shoulder and stays there, content with just his presence, until he leaves to take the helm again and Lana’s back, asking about statements and the Alliance’s official stance on the incident; she’ll humor Lana, Rei decides, and makes an honest effort to type something up but she can’t focus, not really, not with Theron lying so still before her.

They arrive on Odessen long before Rei can muster up anything substantial, so she passes off the datapad to Lana and follows as Theron is taken to the base’s clinic to be looked over by Yvara and the other doctors. It takes more than one pointed threat to keep them from throwing Rei out of the clinic entirely; she gives them space, at least, and paces at the far end of the room while T’sereen relays details of the injury and the treatment she’d already given.

When Yvara finally gives the all-clear — “He’s stable, but he needs time. Do not let him leave this room when he wakes,” is all she says before leaving — Rei takes up the same post as in the ship; she pulls up a chair and settles in, scrolling aimlessly through a datapad despite her attention remaining fully on Theron.

She hasn’t worked out how to feel, not yet; she’d never fully accepted that Theron was even gone, to begin with — as she’d pointed out in the first broadcast after Umbara, everyone who has ever betrayed her is dead — and a hollow ache settles in her chest whenever she allows herself to consider any similar course of action for dealing with Theron.

It couldn’t be betrayal, then, as she’d told Lana for all those months, even as her remaining spymaster repeatedly showed that all evidence pointed to the contrary — until things had begun to unravel, and hints and messages and breadcrumbs began to reveal themselves.

(Lana had refused to see it, all the way up until Copero, and that’s when Rei realized just how hard Lana was taking the betrayal, as well. There was a bond between her and Theron and Zaara, one that went back to Manaan all those years ago, and Rei knew it wasn’t easy to have that bond broken by them both at once.

But then Raina came waltzing onto Odessen with decrypted messages from Zaara that used a code their team had only used when deep undercover, one that only Raina and Lokin could decrypt and, well, Raina was the only one left living. She knew her wife, Raina insisted with more fire and certainty than Odessen had seen since Umbara, and she knew the messages were deliberate. Zaara and Theron weren’t traitors, not really. Not in the truest since of the word.

But Rei thinks it’s that revelation that hurt Lana the most, learning that she had somehow lost the trust of her two closest friends.)

It doesn’t feel good, being right.

Hope and grief and anger have left a hollowed out pit in her stomach, it seems, from holding on to them so tightly for so long, but it doesn’t matter because it’s over. He’s back. He’s back, and yet something dark still roils within her mind, because once again this careful back-and-forth dance between them has a looming obstacle — like on Rishi, on Yavin, on Ziost — that she’d made the mistake of assuming was over once they’d reunited on Odessen.

It isn’t opposite sides of the war, this time, not really. She would tear down the galaxy for him, collapse the stars and ignite the planets; it’s her way, it’s in her nature, because all she’s ever known is to fight.

But Theron — he would save the galaxy for her, fight until his last breath to hold it together with his own bare hands, if need be; that’s his nature, isn’t it, to stand in the way of a blaster or a saber — or a god — because while he isn’t a Jedi he shares too many of their damnable values, Rei thinks, and hasn’t that always been the problem standing between them?

Maybe they could both learn to be a little less reckless, but that hasn’t ever been in either of their natures.

She watches the steady, shallow rise and fall of his chest, the raw bruising around his implant, the dark circles beneath his eyes; for a moment, equal parts rage and satisfaction bubble up within her at the memory of, quite literally, tearing apart the man responsible, but it’s quickly replaced by guilt that churns uncomfortably within her mind — because while this isn’t her fault, it easily could’ve been. As with everything else between her and Theron, there’s always been a back-and-forth, a push-and-pull, a predictable wobble in their unsteady orbit around each other.

They both act without thinking, they rush forward, spurred on by gut feeling and base emotion. She leave destruction in her wake, and he follows behind to clean up the mess and protect her from the fallout of her own actions. Maybe he would disagree — she knows he would disagree — but Rei can’t help but wonder if this would’ve still happened if she were a little more cautious, a little less brash, someone that Theron could’ve trusted this sort of delicate mission to.

But then, she thinks, quiet fondness causing her lips to curl into a soft grin, he was hardly delicate about the mission, either, given the way he leapt into the heart of the cult.

He’d never asked her to be anything but who she already was — and she could be so much, at times, she knew — and Rei doesn’t think she could ask Theron to change, either.

She knows what she signed up for.

 ***

 He stirs later that night, and Rei immediately has to reach over to keep him from trying to sit up; she suspects that he would’ve given up rather quickly even without her intervention, if the grimace of pain is anything to go by. She sets her datapad aside, one hand reaching for his before she withdraws; unease and uncertainly settles over her and she hesitates, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms.

“Ow.” He doesn’t try sitting again, but does turn his head just enough to look in Rei’s direction.

“We’re going to have matching scars now,” she informs him, matter-of-fact, brow raising as she glances over him again; the twisted, gnarled scar tissue that crosses her own torso — a gift from her first fight with Thanaton — is a bit messier than Theron’s will be, she suspects, once it heals enough to be a scar. “Though I think yours will heal better.”

He starts to laugh, but the sound quickly gives way to a sharp intake of breath as his grimace returns. “Glad to hear it. Are we back on Odessen?”

“We are. Are you here to stay?” The question comes out more quickly than Rei had wanted, more callous and point-blank than she’d planned, but she doesn’t take it back; she’s been in the dark for too long, spent too many nights alone with nothing but her uncertainty for company. He owes her this one thing, she thinks, just one answered question to atone for six months of lies and reckless deception.

Theron looks away, just for a moment, a few seconds of silence before he reaches for her; it’s nothing but a hint of motion, just one hand creeping to the edge of the medical bed he’s on, but Rei understands and gingerly takes his hand in one of her own. “Yes,” he says, slowly, just as delicately as the way they cling to each other, “if you’ll have me. All I want is to come back to the Alliance. Here.” A beat of silence. “With you.”

He’s watching her with a careful, reserved gaze, as if he doesn’t expect her to say yes, and somehow that cuts Rei as deeply as when he’d left in the first place. She wonders if it’s the pain or the meds, or if he really believes that she cares so little for him that she would toss him aside.

As if she could.

“Yes, of course,” she says, swallowing back the way his doubt stings and making a show of rolling her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, if you’re not. And if you are—“ she pauses and leans forward, giving his hand the slightest squeeze, “—then take me with you next time.” He starts to argue but she shakes her head; they aren’t ready for this sort of conversation, not now, not when he’s still too weak to even sit up on his own. “Focus on healing, and we can have this fight later. But I want you to know, Theron, that I love you. So completely and deeply that I… I don’t even know how to make sense of it.” She pauses, places a second hand over his; her voice stays steady, but her chest burns with the intensity of the words, the staggering depth of the way she feels about it. About him. With a slow exhale, she forces a carefully measured grin. “Really, it’s cute that you think a little betrayal is enough to get rid of me.”

He says nothing, at first, but his cautious grip on Rei’s hand tightens and she wonders if she didn’t say the wrong thing, opting for a bit of levity to break up the heavy moment. But then he smiles — it’s slow, and hesitant, and almost bitter — and when he speaks his tone is tired. “The last thing I wanted was to push you away. If there had been some other way…” He lets out a slow breath, releases her hand. “I didn’t have a choice. For the Alliance, for you…”

The words trail off again and Rei can tell Theron’s fighting exhaustion — or the meds, or both — so she slides her hand back and stands, grabbing her discarded datapad and clutching it in a grip so tight she worries it’ll crack. “Rest,” she chides, taking a step back; if she doesn’t leave now, she doesn’t know that she’ll be able to leave his side at all. “I’ll get Yvara. And I’ll be waiting — after she clears you and you’re released. No sneaking out of here early.”

That, at least, earns her a tired smile, and she pauses in the doorway and watches as Theron’s eyes flutter shut; all the months of bitterness and uncertainty seem so trivial, now that he’s back, and something like resolve — like certainty — settles warm within her bones and she’s happy, she thinks, for the first time in what feels like years.

 ***

 She doesn’t avoid him, not necessarily, but the next several days pass in a flurry of frantic activity that leave little time for her to visit.

Rei, Lana, and Beywan work to put together an official statement, first in a quiet memo circulated through the Alliance, then to lengthy reports passed to their Imperial and Republic ambassadors; Arcann takes the liberty of smoothing things over with the rest of Zakuul, but when Rei tries to thank him he waves off the attention — something about knowing Theron and Zaara need people on their side.

Zaara, for her part, seems in a better mood than Rei has ever seen her, walking hand in hand with Raina throughout the base. Theron’s recovery has gone well, to the point where Rei knows Yvara has had to threaten — more than once — to cuff Theron to the bed if he continues to try and bargain his way out of the clinic. She wishes she could visit, more than the handful of times she’s dropped by since their return, but she’s hardly had time to even sleep with as busy as she’s been.

After working to convince the rest of the galaxy that Theron and Zaara had been working under Odessen’s orders — something made infinitely easier by the fact that Rei left them alive, in stark contrast to the long list of others who had betrayed her and faced swift retribution — there were the continued attempts from both Empress Acina and Chancellor Rans to sway the Alliance in their favor, as well as the increasingly worrisome rumors that renewed war looms on the horizon, all punctuated by the stream of reports highlighting the galaxy’s worsening resource shortage. Rei doesn’t mind politics, far from it, but even the verbal sparring with Acina and blunt threats towards Rans grow tiresome, these days.

She misses Theron’s official discharge from the clinic, and only learns about it after an impossibly long day spent in meetings and on calls and trying to wrap her mind around the logistics of working enough farmland to feed the entirety of the Alliance; on a different day, she might have stormed through the base to demand answers, to demand the reason that she wasn’t alerted as soon as he was released. But tonight, she’s not in the mood to fight with anyone, so instead she drags her tired feet through the base towards her quarters — their quarters — only to find them empty.

It doesn’t take her long to find him; it’s late enough that Odessen is growing quiet, and by now Rei knows Theron well enough to have a good idea of the handful of places he’ll sneak off to when he needs a moment to himself. She finds him at the back of the base, leaning against the railing of one of the walkways that leads down to the shallow valley where she and Zaara both tend to land their ships. It’s peaceful, down here, tucked away just out of sight of the hanger bay where the Gravestone used to sit.

Rei doesn’t bother to announce her presence. She stands beside him, hands clasped behind her back as she joins him in surveying the valley that sprawls out before them; Theron acknowledges her with a quick glance, but even just that is enough for Rei to see that his movements are still stiff. “Out early on good behavior?” she asks lightly, brow raising as she suppresses a grin.

“Something like that.” His white-knuckled grip on the railing loosens, but the rest of his posture remains rigid, tense. “Guess I just needed some time to get my thoughts together.”

There’s a comfortable silence, then — at least, it’s comfortable enough for Rei, but beside her Theron is still impossibly still; she reaches for one of his hands, steps closer until she’s pressed against his side, warm and solid and real. She isn’t very good at providing comfort, but she can be here, and that’s something. “How did this all even happen?” she asks after a moment, the words more curious than accusatory, eyes locked on their joined hands as her fingers intertwine with his. “How long before Iokath were you scheming?” She tilts her head up, brow raised and lips curled into a mischievous smirk.

“In my defense, things got a little out of hand.”

“Mhmm.”

“An old contact of mine got me some leads,” he says, finally beginning to relax beside her; Rei wonders if it’s her presence or the chance to finally speak freely about it all. “I didn’t expect anything to come of it, but next thing I knew I was staring at a way in with the Order.”

“The mysterious Iokath intel,” she guesses.

He nods. “I knew I could convince you to send a team to investigate, and had to hope the Empire and Republic would do the same.” He pauses, frowning, and when he speaks again he sounds a bit sheepish for the first time. “That’s… when Zaara found out. She’s still got friends in Sith Intelligence, and apparently I didn’t cover my tracks as well as I’d thought. But I wanted to make sure I had something substantial before I turned it over to the rest of the Alliance.” Another pause, this time to glance back out over the valley, and when he speaks again his voice is rough. “There was just too much going on to waste time and people on a dead end, but… guess I didn’t really help with the personnel issues.”

Rei shifts her weight, gives a noncommittal wave of her free hand. “There’s always personnel issues. I’ve been dealing with them since long before Odessen. What about the trap on Iokath?” She doesn’t think she really wants to know, but she needs to, doesn’t she? Maybe it doesn’t matter, but she’s tired of not knowing.

“Zaara’s idea.” The simple statement comes out on a rough sigh, slow but not quite hesitant. “Atrius’ plan — I didn’t know it was him, at the time — was for you to get caught in the crossfire. Zaara pointed out it might look… suspicious, if the Alliance came out so far ahead, and I had just enough time to…” He doesn’t say it, doesn’t admit that he was the one to rig the trap that knocked Rei out cold, but the words still hang between them, unsaid. “Atrius assumed you’d make a run for the weapon and try to secure it for the Alliance, but none of us expected you to get so creative about it. Or lucky.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone at that point?” Again, she’s careful to keep her voice even, not too sharp. Not too frustrated.

Theron’s frustration, however, is plain in his tone. “We didn’t even get to meet Atrius in person until after Iokath, which is when we realized that Gemini droid was in our systems. I couldn’t report it at that point. Not without tipping off the Order.” He pauses, jaw working, eyes focused on something off in the distance. “So we met with him, and he told us about the Adegan crystals and Umbara, and… there was no going back.”

She doesn’t ask for details about Umbara.

“So…” He lets out a long, slow breath, turning back to Rei. “Where do we go from here?”

She tilts her head, considers; it’s been a long day, and a longer evening, but she certainly feels as if she’s gotten the answers she’d needed. “To bed, I’d hope,” she decides, giving the slightest tug on their still-joined hands. “It’s been a very long day and I’m very tired of sleeping alone.”

“Just like that?” His brow furrows and his expression shifts to one that’s not quite suspicious.

Rei frowns, fighting back a yawn. “Would you rather we have a big fight about this?” she deadpans. “What you did was stupid and reckless, but you and I both know I’m the last person who should be criticizing rash decisions.” Exhaustion finally gets the better of her and she yawns before continuing, “I’m tired and I miss you, and I honestly do not care about anything else. I just want to move past it.”

“Just like that.” There’s fondness in his voice, now, and even as Rei tries to lead them back to their quarters, Theron pulls her back towards him into an embrace, but even as he wraps his arms around her he’s gentle, hesitant — and she can’t tell if it’s his injury or his guilt that makes him so cautious, even now. “I’m sorry. For all of this. I’ve missed you, too, and I love you, so much, and…” A catch of his breath, a quiet, shaky laugh. “And I really don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t let me back in.”

She doesn’t respond, not right away, simply content to be held. But then she pulls away, just enough to look up at Theron — at the way he stares at her like she’s the best damn thing to ever happen to him, which isn’t fair, not really, not with the way it makes her heart thrum erratic in her chest even after all this time — and the glib remark she’d had prepared falls unspoken from her lips. “You’re stuck with me,” she says instead, beaming up at him, because it feels right — him, and this moment, and Odessen, all of it.

She would tear the galaxy apart for him, and he would piece it back together for her. And maybe that’s enough, for now.

#swtor #theron shan #reiyaxa tag #otp: my favorite mistake #fic: rei #brooke writes things

[ohlawsons]

the inquisitor is so fucking delightful i forgot how good some of the dialogue is

#it's just. chaos and sarcasm incarnate and i've missed it #brooke plays swtor #reiyaxa tag #playthrough: rei

[ohlawsons]

baaaaaby

#brooke plays swtor #had a Yearning for smol rei so here she is #do i also have approximately 7 other fresh new characters i could/should be playing? #maaaybe. #reiyaxa tag #rei's face #playthrough: rei

[ohlawsons]

having some faction swap au thinky thoughts

rei and cori have existed for a while (since the DvL event ages ago) but i miss doing the class stories so there’s. more now.

lys (originally sw) will be... interesting. i’m not sure if she’ll end up light side or not, just bc i don’t see her putting up with the jedi’s bullshit for long. we’ll see! one thing is for sure: she absolutely will not romance doc lmao. possibly koth later on?

rei (originally inquisitor) is definitely not avoiding the fractured alliances story arc atm, so she’s relatively caught up as far as story content goes. light side, still a nerd and a menace on the council -- just a different council this time -- and still with theron.

zaara (originally agent) is who i’m working on atm. tentatively lightside?

cori (originally jk) is somewhere in kotet, abandoned once i realized her lana romance had bugged out :( she’s the second of three coris that have failed to properly romance the sith wife and i’m over it!! she’s smooching jaesa though bc i think we can do that now? anyway lord coryn “bad with feelings” ven is more cool calm and collected than her jedi self but also more inclined towards murder

t’sereen (originally jc) is fun bc even in her canon, she studied at korriban before being captured by the jedi and eventually joining them. considering she’s dark side even as a jedi she’s gonna be a mess as a sith. absolutely romancing andronikos

davri (originally trooper) is uh. well... she’s... look i have no clue how the fuck it’s gonna go, given that she’s as subtle as a brick. it’ll be fun, it’ll be messy, i’m excited to just let it happen and figure it out as i go

#tbh not feeling the bh or smuggler stories atm so not gonna do those #also i greatly enjoyed the couple of snippets i did for sith!cori and jedi!rei forever ago\ #and i have more stuff sitting in my endless wip folder #but like. i miss the sith stories!! i miss the agent stories!! i miss the consular stories!! #jk is a fucking nightmare (...unpopular opinion i'm aware) but at this point i've done it more than any other class!! #for lana!! #the faction swap au #darth evris tag #jedi!lys #reiyaxa tag #jedi!rei #zaara ven #trooper!zaara #cori ven #sith!cori #t'sereen neiri #sith!t'sereen #davri sohms #agent!davri #brooke plays swtor

[ohlawsons]

absolutely overwhelmed by a sudden need for the bh!rei au i worked out ages ago

in rei’s canon, her mother iza is an exiled rattataki warlord who later turns to bounty hunting and is eventually captured and taken to belsavis. she escapes... around the kotfe timeskip, maybe a bit before that. iza sells rei into slavery after her father dies, when rei’s about four or five, so rei doesn’t exactly know her mother well

but

consider. bh!rei is raised by iza, grows up learning to kill and fight and scratch out a living in the worst parts of the galaxy. for a few years they’re a terrifying mother-daughter crime duo, but iza likes the small, dirty jobs while rei wants something big and flashy

they have a big fight, and rei storms off at 19 to make her own way, but shit’s expensive and she ends up on hutta working shit jobs which is where braden finds her

#smuggler au......also a thing i've been thinking about.... #brooke plays swtor #reiyaxa tag #bh!rei #i haven't decided if she's not force sensitive in this au or if she just hides it

[ohlawsons]

woke up with the realization that rei wears the sith equivalent of athleisure

#still haven’t decided what to do with this information #but y’all are now subjected to it too #brooke rambles #reiyaxa tag

[ohlawsons]

been thinking about rei and theron

as much as i am rly honestly proud of ostensibly as a fic, i also. hate it. for lots of reasons but mostly i don’t think that’s at all how things go down for the two of them

i think rei absolutely flirts with him at every possible opportunity, bc it throws him off and rei “fuck the republic” kahzri enjoys unsettling him solely based off the fact he’s from the republic

when he’s captured in sor they both have this little “...oh” moment, when rei goes full sithy rage mode and murders A Lot Of People and realizes that, hey, she does actually care about theron, and more than she’d thought. theron, on the flip side, is a bit unnerved bc he’s actually a little touched? that she cares? and it’s kinda sweet if you ignore all the bloodshed?

they have a couple more Soft moments but their first kiss is right before attacking the imperial guard on yavin iv -- theron goes to distract rei for a few minutes to give a republic team a head start, and sorta. forgets. why he’s there. 

things are a little tense before the final push towards the temple. 

rei makes an offer for theron to join her after dealing with revan -- she can protect him, after all. “ask for anything,” she tells him, “whatever you want, it’s yours” bc she’s Rich And Powerful and what better way to abuse that than by like. really weird flirting with the enemy.

ziost still goes similar to how i wrote it the first time around. they both start to fall hard, bc they’re both just fuckups trying their absolute best to save people they really care about. a lot happens in a very short amount of time but it’s all genuine. after they lose the planet rei orders the captured jedi to be released to theron, and he asks her to come with them

she doesnt, ofc,  and i think the timeskip/kotfe/kotet needs a rambly post of its own, eventually.

#brooke rambles #reiyaxa tag #otp: my favorite mistake #tht fic is like 5 years old i think?? #i have a soft spot for it but like. it's not great. #especially wrt to rei./theron shippy bits #(also i MAY have played swtor for five minutes and immediately closed out to write fic instead)

[ohlawsons]

one day I WILL commission art of rei rolling into a dark council meeting late with Starbucks, wearing sunglasses and heelys

#reiyaxa tag #i: rei #brooke rambles #that’s just. her whole vibe all the time tbh.

[ohlawsons]

05 i thought love looked so much like you. [rei x theron] [prompt list] [06.28.20 minifics]

She watches him from across the room, now ignoring the data pad in her slack grasp, whatever report she’s supposed to be reading long forgotten.

There’s nothing special about the moment. He’s standing chatting with Koth, waiting for the caf to finish brewing, exhaustion tugging at his features from another too-long night of work. He laughs at something, too quiet to hear from across the room but Rei can see it in his expression and her own lips tug into a thin smile.

(She’s studied him enough to know he has laugh lines but they’re faint, and maybe it’s just age creeping up on them both but she likes to think he laughs more, now.

He’s too hard on himself for that, they both know, but maybe one day they won’t have the weight of the galaxy pressing down on them.)

He catches her gaze as she continues to watch, and his brow creases in worry; it’s a silent question, one Rei keeps telling him he doesn’t need to ask but one he continues to ask regardless.

Everything okay?

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. You worry too much.

The caf is finished, so Theron grabs two cups and brings one over to Rei; he doesn’t ask, not again, but he gives a pointed glance towards the data pad as she takes the mug. “The report from last night?”

“Dunno.” She hadn’t gotten far at all before he’d stolen her attention.

(That’s true for more than the morning’s report, but she reminds him of that often enough already.)

“Have you heard about what happened?”

Rei steps closer to him, cradling her caf in both hands and grinning up at him, because he’s being too boring and professional and Rei doesn’t have time for that; that’s what they keep Lana around for, after all. “I know enough. I know it kept you from coming to bed last night,” she says, matter of fact, matching his criminally stoic tone of voice. He starts to say something else and she cuts him off, pressing up on her toes for a quick kiss. “I pay people to care about the rest.”

“Like me?” One eyebrow quirks upwards as he speaks, and whether or not he realizes it, Theron has moved closer and the only thing between them is Rei’s still steaming cup of caf.

“I would pay you to not care, if I could.”

He starts to say something in retort but Lana calls to him, and he turns and leaves with nothing more than a single backwards glance; Theron’s every bit as duty-bound as Rei, though she would never admit to it the way he does.

She loves him, she thinks, but for as much as the words keep echoing around in her mind she’s never found the right time to actually say it aloud.

#swtor #theron shan #reiyaxa tag #otp: my favorite mistake #hmmmmm v out of practice with swtor #also this got waaaaay off topic #brooke writes things #fic: rei #06.28.20 minifics #q

[ohlawsons]

reiyaxa “and now i am going to Cause Problems On Purpose” kahzri

#okay... sims spam is over *unless* i find kylo #may also get some togruta cc and make the rest of the swtor crew..... #they all exist as humans already so #brooke plays the sims #reiyaxa tag

[ohlawsons]

also! i had to make sims!rei an appropriately sith-y house in preparation for the sw pack. at some point i’ll finish messing with it but i may have rage quit after realizing i had decorated the entire thing and forgot to put stairs.

#brooke plays the sims #reiyaxa tag #in a perfect world i would give her a spiral staircase #i'm assuming we'll get some sw build items with the new pack so i'm waiting until then to mess with it again #not sure how i'm feeling about the outside.... #it's got a glass roof which is cool. i had a Vibe in mind but didn't quite hit it i don't think #(it's insomnia time yall. sry.)

[ohlawsons]

i’ve been messing around with the sims save i have with rei and theron and it’s. wild.

rei just picked a fight with a vampire and theron keeps setting the stove on fire

#he jsut wants to make grilled cheese for his gf!! #she's had a long hard day doing Archaeology And Politics!! #and like. i KNOW i just reblogged a theron defense post but PLEASE stop setting things on fire! #brooke plays the sims #reiyaxa tag #otp: my favorite mistake

[ohlawsons]

smol sith 

me: the new sims pack being star wars themed is a blatant cash grab. it’s the worst pack since the my first pet stuff. there are so many other better more interesting things we could’ve gotten

also me: immediately makes a rei to play through the pack with

#brooke plays the sims #i have a human rei that i made aaaages ago #but it took 0.2 seconds to realize #if we get alien cas stuff it'll be twi'lek and/or zabrak #and def not rattataki so i took things into my own hands #and soon i'll get her a pretty pink lightsaber (or purple more likely lbr) #reiyaxa tag #rei's face #(pls ea let me kick kylo's scrawny ass) (pls)

[ohlawsons]

it’s time for the rei and theron timeskip/kotfe rambly post (sor rambly post here)

so there’s a whole blackmail plot i never got to write, involving saresh and t’sereen that takes place after ziost but before the expedition into wild space, but tl;dr rei cleans up ziost while marr deals with the attacks/wild space, and theron helps satele with the attacks/wild space in a semi-official capacity. rei and theron cross paths a couple of times, they continue Definitely Not Flirting and it’s all very dramatic and angsty

the timeskip for theron is. a mess. it takes him a little while to sort out how he feels about everything bc 1) he and rei were never Officially A Thing anyway but 2) it doesn’t make it hurt any less that she’s gone even though 3) he shouldn’t probably miss her anyway, and 4) the republic is also, yknow, actively being attacked

he works through it and gets over it and then lana calls and tells him rei’s alive, and they’re planning a rescue, and it’s like everything just. crashes.

cut to odessen, and he wonders if he built up an idolized version of rei in his head (he did, but not as extreme as he thinks) bc she’s all business when she returns, barely acknowledges him, as cold and impatient as any sith should be. rei is handling things...... Not Well. the beginning of kotfe is basically all of her worst nightmares at once. she reacts by playing politics, putting up walls and relying on rage and intimidation to get what she wants. (people listen when you’re sith, people listen very intently when you’re a sith who murdered their coworker just to make a point)

at first it’s a lot of miscommunication between the two of them, bc they’re both the sort to just completely throw themselves into their work, and plus rei is now deliberately avoiding people. she’s Tired, and barely coping, and doesn’t think she ever had a chance when theron anyway. theron is mostly just doing a bad job of balancing his work and personal life (which i imagine would be uh. difficult for anyone on odessen for the first several months at least) while also not wanting to add to rei’s very obviously high stress levels, and also trying to decide how he feels about her very violent start with the alliance

eventually theron says “hey let’s talk” and rei, assuming it’s about work/odessen, tells him to schedule a meeting bc she’s swamped atm. i haven’t decided when/how that talk actually goes yet, but it’s the first time rei lets her guard down

#reiyaxa tag #otp: my favorite mistake #hc: rei #pt 2 coming...........soon? #kotet and beyond coming........later?

[ohlawsons]

grumpy bby

#started poking around online to try and figure out where to get purple crystals #found lots of extremely bad reviews/comments/rants about this pack and yall #i'm having a lot of fun with it despite it being just the most blatant cash grab #(that's not to say it's without some uh. issues. lmao) #(i also had extremely low expectations) #brooke plays the sims #reiyaxa tag