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atths--twice · 4 years

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Okay... here is the chapter that, from the moment I decided to write this novel length story, was a key part to it, in my personal opinion. I absolutely adore Rachel and I had this idea in my head for MONTHS before I had the idea for even the most angsty or funny chapters within this story. Rachel is like a bit of me within a character I created. She is a person I wish I had the balls to be at times and I adore her so much. I seriously think about her way more often than I probably should, but I just love her so much.

I hope you like her as much as I do. I truly hope you do.

Chapter Eighteen

Rachel’s Story

Mulder asks Rachel to join him and Mrs. Scully for a thank you dinner, as his therapy has come to an end. Uneasy at first, she agrees and they learn of her past and how it shaped the person she has become.

December 2015

Christmas decorations had been up since the week before Thanksgiving, and all Mulder could think was that an entire year had passed. A year in which he had not spoken to Scully, not vocally anyway. He wrote her many emails, and she sent him messages, but God, how he missed the sound of her voice.

His therapy sessions were coming to an end and he felt bittersweet about it. He was glad to be done. The times he spent with his emotions out and exposed had been hard. Although, he also had fun. Discussing the past and fun times he and Scully shared, along with the pain they both suffered, was equal parts wonderful and terrifying.

Rachel was the perfect blend of comfort and toughness he needed. She kept him on track, let him ramble, and then opened his eyes to ways he could change. She pushed him to delve further into past hurts and mistakes and how to learn from them. When he clammed up or tried to use humor and sarcasm to answer questions, she shut that shit down.

As the last day approached, he realized she had been right at their first meeting: she was pretty great. He would miss her when he was done, he truly would.

She smiled as he walked into the office and took a seat. Asking if he would like a coffee, she walked to the coffee maker and prepared a mug for each of them. Handing him his, she sat down and picked up her notepad.

“So, it’s our last meeting today. I have to say that I have enjoyed our time together, and I am proud of the progress you have made,” Rachel said with a smile. “I know that it was difficult at times, and you may have wanted to quit, but you stuck with it, and you’ve done really well.”

Mulder nodded and then looked at her and grinned. “Thank you. You’re right, there were times when I wanted to leave, but I knew there were two women counting on me, and I couldn’t let them down,” he said, nodding his head. He raised a hand when he saw her face. “I know. You’ll say it was work I needed to do for me, and you’re right, it was for me. But Doc, it was mostly for the two women in my life whom I’ve let down.” He looked at her, sighed and smiled.

She stared at him and then nodded. Looking down at her notepad and papers, she took out his questionnaire and took a minute to look at it. Moving some of them around, she put one on top.

“I’d like to discuss one last thing with you,” she said, circling something on the paper.

“I’m ready, Doc. Lay it on me,” Mulder said, motioning with hands for her to bring it on.

She smiled at him and then clasped her hands together. “As we are coming to the end of our sessions together, I’d like to know what you’re going to do next?” she asked him, staring at him.

“Next? In the sense of what?” he asked with a frown.

“Yes, next. I don’t mean after you leave here, or tomorrow, but in regard to Scully and how you plan to approach getting her back. What are you doing next, Fox?” Rachel asked softly.

He stared at her, not sure how to answer. During all these months, he had the idea of getting back to them, but now he realized he did not have a plan as to how.

“I ... I honestly don’t know,” he said, looking down at the floor. “I don’t remember answering that question back in March.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” she said with a smile. “I couldn’t expect an answer to an ending of something that hadn’t even started yet. So I ask you now, so we can discuss it together.”

He took a drink of his coffee, and put it on the coffee table. Sitting back, he picked up a pillow and held it in his lap. He thought about how best to show Scully he had changed, the darkness no longer swallowing him.

“I think,” he said, looking down at the pillow in his lap. “I think the best thing to do at this point, would be to be on my own.” He looked up to find Rachel staring at him, her eyebrows going up, but saying nothing.

“I don’t mean because I want to be on my own, but I need to be,” he said, looking back at her. “I need to see how I do once I’m done coming here every week. It will be strange at first, but I need to figure that out before I consider how to approach her.”

Rachel nodded and smiled at him. “I think that’s a good plan. What will you do to get yourself on track? Any thoughts on that?”

“I’m going to start exercising again. I actually bought a home gym type thing,” he said with a shrug. “I’ve never really used one before, but I know it will be beneficial. I’m also running and going to the community center again to play basketball with some guys.”

“That’s great. That will help with more than just the physical aspect, getting in shape, and all that. Endorphins can help with depression,” Rachel said, giving him a pointed look. He nodded and smiled.

They chatted comfortably for the rest of the hour and soon it was time to leave. He put the pillow on the couch as he stood up and brought his coffee mug to the sink she had in the corner. He turned to her, and she was standing close to the door. He walked toward her and stopped, smiling at her.

“Well, this is it,” she said as she smiled at him.

“Actually,” he said, suddenly nervous, as he cleared his throat and clenched his jaw. “I was wondering ... I’d like to have you over for dinner on Sunday if you’re free. To thank you and also, it’s Christmas. Get two birds and all that.” He smiled nervously as he watched her clasp and unclasp her hands.

“Uh ... I appreciate the offer, but it’s not exactly ... as a therapist, your therapist ... it wouldn’t be ethical or what I should be doing. It’s ... it’s not ... I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do that, Fox,” she said, her eyes moving quickly across his face.

“Oh.”

“It’s not … don’t misunderstand ... it’s just ...”

“No, I understand.”

“I would love to ... if ...”

“Please, it’s okay.”

They fell silent after speaking over each other, her eyes unable to meet his for a few seconds. He cleared his throat, and she finally looked up.

“I didn’t think,” he said apologetically. “I’m sorry to have put you on the spot and in an awkward position. It’s okay.” He smiled at her, touched her shoulder briefly. and stepped past her to the door. She followed him out of the office and stopped as he put on his coat.

“Fox,” she started, but he interrupted her.

“It’s honestly fine. I’m sorry to have ... I’m sorry,” he put on his scarf and looked at her. “I just ... you won’t technically be my therapist after today. And … I wanted to say more than goodbye, and thank you. It wouldn’t be just you there, if that helps. I wanted to have you and Mrs. Scully come over for dinner. You ... the both of you ... I just ... I just wanted to thank you both. I don’t really know what I would have done without either of you. But, I get it, I do. It’s not ...”

“I’ll be there,” she interrupted, with tears in her eyes.

“You don’t ... seriously it’s fine,” he said, shaking his head.

“No, I will. I just ... could it not be at your house? Maybe a restaurant instead?” she asked, wiping at her eyes.

“How about at Mrs. Scully’s place? It’s a bit of a drive, but not too bad,” he said hopefully. She nodded, and he grinned with a nod. “Great. Good. Okay, so Sunday at five? Or six?”

“Six is good.”

“Okay. I’ll ... I’ll email you the directions to her place,” he stared at her and smiled happily. “Thank you, Rachel.”

She nodded and walked him to the door. He waved to her as he got in the car and drove away. If he had stayed for only one minute longer, he would have seen her cover her face and cry.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Mulder opened the door on Sunday evening to find Rachel on the other side. She was holding a bottle of wine, and she looked a bit nervous.

“Rachel! It’s great to see you! Come in, it’s freezing out there!” he stepped aside to let her come in, and she walked past him as he closed the door.

Mrs. Scully walked into the room at the same moment, and he turned to her with a grin. He put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to Rachel, and introduced them.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Mrs. Scully said with a smile, as she held Rachel’s hand in both of hers. “I have heard a lot about you from Fox.”

“And I you,” Rachel said, smiling back at her as she looked between them.

“Here, I’ll take that wine. You hang your coat and take a seat. Dinner will be ready soon,” he said, taking the wine from her and heading back to the kitchen.

“You sure you don’t need any help?” Mrs. Scully asked as he walked away.

“Pfft. I got this,” he said, turning around and opening his hands wide to her. “Have some faith, lady.” He heard them both laughing as he stepped into the kitchen.

He set the wine down on the counter and reached for the opener. Pouring them each a glass, he took the women theirs and found them on the sofa talking. He handed them their wine and they thanked him as he walked back to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine.

He told Mrs. Scully he wanted to have them both to dinner but that Rachel had been uncomfortable. Without asking, she offered her place, and he smiled. He told her he would make the meal and she would not need to worry about anything. She seemed skeptical, her eyebrow going up the same way Scully’s did, and he laughed.

True to his word, he purchased, and then made everything himself. It was going to be a simple meal, but also one he considered carefully. He emailed the directions to the house to Rachel and also asked if she was a vegetarian or had any dietary needs. She emailed back that she was most definitely not a vegetarian, and to please be sure there was something mouthwatering to go with any vegetables. He laughed and set about finding something that would fit that request.

He took down everything on the fridge door, saving Mrs. Scully’s note in a desk drawer, and put up recipes instead. Staring at them for a day, he settled on a roast, potatoes, and carrots. He went to the butcher and got the best advice on how to cook it, and then took all his purchased items to Mrs. Scully’s house. He demanded she get out of the kitchen, despite her willingness to help.

Now, looking at the meal in the oven, it indeed smelled mouthwatering. He could not wait to taste his first attempt at such a meal. A lot was riding on this thank you meal and he was very nervous with the outcome.

He put the salad he made into three fancy salad bowls and set them aside. Five more minutes, and he would take the roast out and let it rest. Turning to the right, he looked at the pink bakery box on the counter. The dessert was the only item he had purchased and not made himself. Although he had attempted to do it, the outcome was not edible.

He would not let Mrs. Scully see what he had bought, and he was excited for her to see he picked her favorite dessert. Rachel’s special thanks was the meal. Mrs. Scully’s would be the dessert.

He looked out of the kitchen and found them laughing about something and he smiled, knowing they would get along. The timer pinged a couple minutes later, and he took the roast from the oven. Setting it on the cooling rack, he took the lid off and took a deep breath. Damn, it looked delicious. Covering it with some foil, he set the timer for twenty minutes and took the salads to the table along with his glass of wine.

“Ladies, if you’re ready, the first course of dinner is ready,” he said with a flourish, and they laughed.

“First course, Fox? My, my,” Mrs. Scully teased, as she and Rachel walked to the table, their drinks in hand. He grinned and waited for them to sit before seating himself.

He set the table with the fancy silverware Mrs. Scully suggested, poured water in each of the glasses she handed him, put out the napkins she pointed to, and lit the candles she mentioned she had in a drawer. It was quite a presentation, and he felt pride at the work they had done together.

“Ladies, a toast,” he said, raising his wine glass. “To both of you. I thank you both immensely.” He looked them in the eye before they all clinked their glasses together. He saw both of them wipe at their eyes, and he nodded.

The salad was praised and eaten before he got up to cut the roast and fill their plates. He brought their food out and then went back for his own plate, grabbing the bottle of wine as well. Both women exclaimed that it was cooked to perfection and tasted delicious. He raised his arms in the air in victory, and they all laughed.

Clearing the plates a bit later, he asked if they wanted dessert, but both refused for now. He nodded and continued to the kitchen to cover the food and make some tea, at Mrs. Scully’s request. Three cups made, he set them on a tray with a saucer. Adding some spoons, sugar, milk, and honey, he brought it to the living room and handed out the cups. They each made their tea how they wanted, and sat quietly for a couple minutes.

“So, Rachel,” Mrs. Scully said with a smile. “Did you always want to be a therapist?”

Rachel laughed softly and shook her head. “No. No, in fact, far from it. I never would have imagined that this would be what I did for a living when I was younger,” she said looking down at her cup in her lap.

“Well, speaking from experience, I can say whatever the other plan was, it was wrong for you. You are a great therapist,” Mulder said looking at her. She looked at him and gave him a small smile.

“So what was the plan? What did your younger self want to do?” Mrs. Scully asked.

Rachel sighed and dropped her head again. “I … uh ... I wanted to be a ballerina,” she said softly. Mulder laughed before he could stop himself and was admonished by Mrs. Scully. Rachel looked up and smiled. “No, it’s completely understandable to laugh at that. I am not the type of person they would want as a ballerina.”

“Oh! No, that’s not why I laughed. I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea,” Mulder said apologetically. “I’ve just never met someone who wanted to be an actual ballerina. I don’t mean you in particular for any reason. Please don’t think that’s what I meant.” She looked at him and smiled, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“It’s okay. I was not the type of person who could be a ballerina, but I wanted it so badly. I begged my mom for lessons. The words plié and jeté made my heart fairly dance on its own,” Rachel said with a smile. “When I was five, she finally relented, and I took my first lesson. I was a head taller and at least twenty fucking pounds heavier than the other girls. Sorry.” She looked at Mrs. Scully with startled eyes, but she waved her concern away.

“Well, I wasn’t terrible at it, but I was bigger and sometimes clumsier. I worked hard at it, and I got better, but I was still bigger. I adhered to a strict diet, and I was in good shape, but ...” she paused for a minute. “My father passed away when I was seventeen and that same year, I was accepted to a ballet academy for three months. It was far from home, but I knew I needed to do it. My father always encouraged my dancing, and I wanted to do it for him. I was still grieving, far from home, and also with a group of girls who were much better than me. Thinner, better dancers, and I associated it with being skinny. I ... I started not eating. I lost twenty pounds during that time and it ... it was bad. I didn’t know how bad it was until I passed out and hit my head as I did.”

Mrs. Scully gasped, and Mulder felt his stomach ache at the thought of her suffering the way she did. She nodded, keeping her head down and her eyes on her cup.

“I … I was able to talk my way out of it, and no one questioned me. As long as I kept fucking dancing. Sorry,” she said again, looking up at Mrs. Scully. She shook her head, her hand at her chest, eyes on Rachel. “I fell twice more and the last time … I lost consciousness and woke up in the hospital and I had no idea how I got there. I had stitches on the back of my head and they had to shave my hair to get to the cut.”

Mrs. Scully was quietly crying, and Mulder was staring at Rachel, unable to believe the story. She licked her lips and sniffled, before wiping at her eyes, and taking a deep breath.

“My mother came in and I could see by her face how horrible I looked. She didn’t say anything, just cried as she stood there. She stroked my hair, and we both started to cry. I was five feet, ten inches tall and I weighed a hundred pounds,” she said with a sob.

Mrs. Scully cried harder, and Mulder cleared his throat. He got up and brought both of them some tissues. They thanked him, and he sat back down. A few minutes passed, and Rachel cleared her throat.

“My mother was insistent that I stop dancing, saying it was slowly killing me. I was angry, but her face was enough to stop me. We’d lost my father, I couldn’t do that to her. She said I needed rehab, for my eating disorder, and I argued with her that I didn’t have a disorder. We sat in silence before she gathered her things and said either I go willingly, and she would visit any chance she could, or she would force me to go, and she would not come to see me,” she wiped her eyes again and took a deep breath. “I chose the former, and she sat back down.” The room was quiet, except for an occasional sniff from all of them.

“It was slow going at the rehab center. There were girls there for different reasons, and some were very angry. We had group sessions and one-on-one sessions. One girl in our group session was hard, angry and didn’t give a fuck about anything. Sorry,” she said, shaking her head and looking at Mrs. Scully again.

“It’s not a fucking problem,” she said quietly, with a wave of her hand, as she wiped her eyes.

“MRS. SCULLY!” Mulder said, his surprise and shock at her language causing them all to laugh. He huffed out a breath and shook his head. “Please continue, Rachel.” He said, looking at Mrs. Scully, as she winked at him with wet eyes.

“Well,” Rachel said, laughing softly and also dabbing at her eyes. “The girl who was in group was a tough nut to crack. The therapist there, her name was Ty, was the coolest. I’ve never seen anyone like her. Nose rings and almost every time I saw her, her hair was a different color. She dressed like she just rolled out of bed and threw on whatever was closest to her when she did. She never took, nor gave any shit, she was tough and yet gentle. She just got it. One day, the girl in group, Lonnie, pushed her, physically pushed her. We all froze, and Ty just stood there. She let her push her, let her hit her and it was like we were in bizarro world. Ty didn’t normally allow that kind of thing to happen. Lonnie yelled and yelled, and Ty let her. We were all crying and then so was Lonnie. She fell into Ty, and Ty held her tightly, whispering to her. She looked at all of us, and we all got up to hug her too. Standing there, with all those other girls who were suffering in their own way, our arms around each other and seeing the results of care and help, I knew I wanted to do that, to be a therapist, and one day help others.” She stopped talking, her head down, and all Mulder could do was stare at her.

Mrs. Scully got up and went over to her. She pulled Rachel to her feet and into a hug. She whispered things Mulder could not hear and then Rachel was crying, holding to Mrs. Scully. He looked away and tried to swallow down the huge lump in his throat.

He saw the similarities between them. Everyone had their own demons. Deciding to face them and move on or let them defeat you, that was life. She helped him the same way her therapist helped her, and he would tell her, he had to tell her. He would let her know how much she had meant to him. Far beyond this simple meal of thanks, he needed her to know. He had cried, broken down, and felt like he would never be better, but she was there and had not given up on him.

Hearing them laugh through their tears, he looked back at them. Mrs. Scully had her hands on Rachel’s face, as they looked into each other’s eyes. She stepped back and excused herself to the bathroom, Mrs. Scully directing her to which was closest.

The bathroom door shut and Mrs. Scully turned to him, reaching for his hands. He took them and she gave a little tug. He stood up, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him tightly. She said nothing, simply held him to her until they heard the toilet flush. She stepped back and patted his chest. He nodded at her and smiled.

Rachel came back into the room, her eyes red, but a shy smile on her face. “So, who wants dessert?” he asked, clapping his hands and grinning, trying to lighten the mood. They both laughed and answered in the affirmative.

Going into the kitchen with the tea tray, he took out three dessert plates and opened the bakery box. He slid out the chocolate mint pie and cut them each a slice, Mrs. Scully’s just a bit larger than the others. He set all the plates on the tray, added three forks, and walked to the table to hand them out.

Setting Mrs. Scully’s down first, he was rewarded with her bright smile and her hand squeezing his, before he handed a slice to Rachel. She smiled at him too, and waited until he sat down to begin eating.

“This is my favorite pie, Fox Mulder,” Mrs. Scully said to him, giving him a look.

“I am aware of that, Mrs. Scully,” he replied, taking a big bite of his own piece of pie. “Why do you think I bought it?” He winked at her and they both laughed.

“Actually, I tried to make a pie at home, wanting to make the entire meal myself, and uh ... yeah, it was not pretty. I put in too much mint flavoring, the crust stuck to the pan, and it was somehow both chunky and creamy. So, I spared you both the horribleness that was my first attempt at making a pie and bought one instead. You're welcome,” he said, pointing his fork at both of them in turn. They both laughed, Rachel covering her mouth as she did.

After his confession, no more serious discussion was made while they ate their dessert. Mulder told them about Clyde Bruckman and the Stupendous Yappi, and they both laughed. Rachel shook her head, and he smiled at her. She told them of her first internship and how terrified she was to make a mistake. Over thinking every situation, she got the charts mixed up, and called a man Carol for the whole session, believing it was his name. She felt good at the end of her time with him, until he kindly told her as he left, that his name was Richard. After he walked out the door, she covered her face and laughed until she cried. Mulder and Mrs. Scully both howled with laughter.

After their pie was eaten, Rachel said she should be going. It was a bit of a drive back home, and there was a chance it might snow. Mrs. Scully got up from the table and embraced her, thanking her for coming and for being the one to help him. She closed her eyes and hugged her back.

Mulder walked her to her car, checking the weather as he did. There was definitely the promise of snow in the air. She put on her gloves as she stood by her car door and then looked up at him. He smiled at her and sighed.

“Thank you for the dinner, Fox. I am glad I came and met your Mrs. Scully. She’s an amazing woman,” she said with a smile.

“She is,” he said with a nod. “Rachel ... this dinner seems so inadequate to the thanks I want to say. You know that I met with other therapists, but they weren’t the right fit. You were the one I needed, the one who wouldn’t let me give up, who wouldn’t take any of my bullshit. You said tonight that Ty was the one who helped you and made you want to help others. Rachel, you need to know how much your help means to me.”

She dropped her head and nodded, quiet aside from some sniffling. She raised her head and looked at him, with tears in her eyes and on her cheeks.

“It ... it was my pleasure. You were worth it, Fox Mulder,” she whispered. He nodded at her and felt tears in his own eyes. She stared at him for a second, before throwing her arms around his neck, quietly crying as she thanked him. He held her tight, whispering his own thanks to her.

She pulled back and squeezed his hand, her gloved one soft and warm in his cold one. Dropping his hand, she got in the car and rolled the window down as she started the engine. She stared at him, a smile on her face, as she shook her head.

“Show her, Fox. Show your Scully how you’ve changed. Be patient, and show her,” she said kindly. He nodded and put his hands in his pockets. She smiled again, waving at him as she backed up, rolled her window up, and drove away. He watched until her taillights disappeared, before he went back inside, shivering from the cold.

He found Mrs. Scully in the kitchen cleaning up the mess from dinner. Steering her to the kitchen table, he took over putting away the leftovers, dividing them between him and her, at her insistence, and washing the dishes. She told him how she enjoyed meeting Rachel, and the dinner was wonderful. He grinned at her praise, and she came over to dry the dishes, despite his protests.

“If I help, we can have time for our own visit, before you need to head home,” she said, and he could not argue with that logic.

He asked if she would like more tea, or coffee, and she agreed to a bedtime tea. Smiling, he added more water to the kettle, telling her that she and Scully were very similar. She smiled at him and nodded. When the tea was ready, they sat quietly at the dining room table, waiting for it to cool a bit before drinking it.

“I don’t really know how to begin to tell you how much you have meant to me this last year. All that you have done for me, Mrs. Scully,” he said, before she interrupted with a click of her tongue. He looked at her and she shook her head.

“I told you before, Fox, it’s what family does. Family shows up,” she said with a smile.

“I know, but ..”

“You’re welcome, Fox. It’s exactly where I needed to be,” she said, touching his hand. They were quiet again before she spoke up once more.

“I was touched by Rachel’s story, especially the part with her mother,” she said with a glance at him. “Her mother was prepared to take on a hurt if it meant her daughter would be safe and getting the help she needed. It touched home to me, thinking of Dana and William.”

Mulder was quiet, closing his eyes at the mention of William, the one topic that was hardest to discuss. Anytime he and Scully came close to having a real, honest discussion, he would see the look on her face, and it would break his heart. He knew she internalized more than she said, even when it felt she was being completely open. It never went far, her not wanting to reveal too much, and him not wanting to ask more in order to avoid hurting her.

“Mrs. Scully ... Maggie,” he said quietly, opening his eyes and looking into hers, letting the use of her first name touch her the way he knew it would. Her eyes tearing up showed him how much it affected her. “I know there is a desire to discuss William, and I want to, but it ... it hurts more than it heals. He’s gone and ... I don’t know ... we don’t know where he is or even how to find any information about him. Would he ... he wouldn’t even know us. Our appearing in his life ... it would wreak havoc on him ... confuse him. And yet, I know what he means to Dana. Please ... Maggie ... please don’t think that means I don’t love him or care for him, I do . I just ... I’ve had to let him go in my own way. It doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of him and how our lives would have been with a child in it. Birthdays, Christmases, first days of school, random days at home, or sports he may have played. I’ve thought of it all, and it hurts like a son of a bitch, every damn time,” he said, choking back a sob. She reached for his hand, and together they cried for the boy they both missed, and for the life they were all denied.

“Fox, I know that you love him, of course you do, I’ve never thought otherwise,” she said, squeezing his hand. “I know that if you could, for Dana, you would find him. Even if only to know where he is, how he is, I know you would find him for her. There is nothing you wouldn’t do for my girl, Fox, and for that I will love you forever. Perhaps one day, we will find the answers to the questions it hurts too much to ask.”

He stared at her, at this woman who with her mother’s heart, seemed to know his own so well, and he cried. Her arms held him and he heard her tears, as they clung to each other. If he had been a religious man, he would have prayed for strength and guidance, to show him the right path to follow. Instead, he put his faith and hopes into her words.

One day, the questions that hurt so much to ask, would perhaps have an answer.

One day.

_________________

Note:

As I said, I had this chapter written in my head for months. Months, you guys. Rachel’s story has been super important to me. To show how a person changes to become who they were meant to be and how the past lays way to the future. I wanted her to be a ballerina because it’s something that takes dedication and time and yet it was hurting her. That was similar to Mulder and his need to seek out the truth, but it was dragging him down. I like the way they mirror each other.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. ❤️❤️

#The X Files #XF Fanfic #X Files Novel #Angst #Hurt and Comfort #Sharing the past #Therapy is good for the soul #Ugh I love Rachel so much #Mulder evolving to become S11 Mulder... it is a beautiful thing #I love this show

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wanderingclark · 4 years

Text

What’s Up Doc || Hannah and Clark

Who: Clark Meeks and Hannah Santos ( @doveporthannah ) When: Thursday, January 9, 2020 Where: Lucky’s Chinese Restaurant What: Clark agrees to go to therapy...kind of...with conditions.

Clark

Clark couldn’t believe that they agreed to get food with Hannah instead of just hooking up with her like the plan was originally. As they pulled in and climbed out of their car they ran a hand through their hair as they walked in. Seeing the smaller woman at a nearby table, they headed over and slid into the booth across from her. “I have no idea why I agreed to this but I’ll happily take a free meal” they said honestly.

Hannah

This was unconventional for sure, but Hannah couldn't shake the vibe that Clark needed something more from her than a booty call, but she didn't want to push them away completely by telling them to schedule something with the office, so neutral ground over Chinese was where she landed. As Clark walked in, she smiled. "I'm happy to buy you a meal. It's very nice to meet you officially, Clark!" She held out her hand with an easy smile.

Clark

Clark raised an eyebrow but shook the girls hand. “It’s nice to meet you as well” they said as they eventually dropped the girls hand. “And I want you to know that I’m gonna get laid tonight whether it’s with you or someone else” they said as the picked up a nearby menu and began glancing over it.

Hannah

Nodding slowly, Hannah sat back. A lot of her younger clients did the same thing, tried to deflect by impressing upon her that they couldn't be changed. "That's fine, it's not my job to judge your sexual past, present or future." She said, her voice falling into her calm, even therapist voice. "Anything you say to me remains completely confidential, unless you give me any indication that you are a danger to yourself or to others, and there is nothing you can say that would make me judge you."

Clark

Clark rolled their eyes. “Do I have to sign my life away now? Pay you a bunch of money for dinner?” Clark said as they raised an eyebrow at the girl in front of them. “I’m not hurting myself or anyone. Unless that’s what they’re into” they said as they wiggled their eyebrows

Hannah

"No. No charge, if you came to my office you'd have to pay, but just consider this... two people talking. I'm not here to judge you, Clark, and I'll repeat that as many times as it takes for you to believe it." The server approached, Hannah recognized him from around town, a high school kid. She ordered a perrier and the sesame chicken, which she could eat every day, and paused, glancing at Clark. "Will you split an order of crab puffs with me?"

Clark

Clark rolled their eyes. Everyone judged them. They live in their car, voluntarily. They’re non-binary, which most people didn’t even know and those who did didn’t get it. They worked in the auto shop and every new person who saw them doubted their abilities. Their parents questioned what they were doing in life, friends questioned...everything. They were used to being judged so this was gonna be no different. Smiling at the server they ordered a coke, figuring the doc wouldn’t wouldn’t pay for the beer they really wanted before ordering beef lo mein and handing the guy their menu before turning back to Hannah. “So, doc, what do you wanna talk about?”

Hannah

Hannah smiled again, shaking her head. “Well, first of all, not a doctor. I can’t prescribe you anything and I can’t officially diagnose you with anything, though I can give a general analysis based on your behaviors and what you tell me. Usually I start off by telling my clients a bit about myself.” She paused, her eyes grazing over Clark. “I’m 26, born and raised in Los Angeles, I moved to Doveport 8 years ago for school, I’ve been licensed for two years and I love to cook.” She smiled. “What about you?”

Clark

Clark hummed as she spoke. Their fingers tapped on the table as Hannah spoke. “Man, LA is a wild place. I’ve visited a few times. Great party scene out there” they commented offhandedly. “What else do you wanna know. I already told you I live in my car and spent the past 5 years on the road” they said, not really want to open up about anything in their past currently.

Hannah

Nodding, Hannah made mental notes, normally she'd have a notepad, but figured it would probably scare Clark off. "What are your interests? Hobbies? Are you a full time student?" She asked, the first session was just about getting to know each other, she didn't expect Clark to dive into their childhood traumas and aversion to feelings right off the bat. Sometimes that took years.

Clark

Clark shrugged. “Interests? Hobbies? Well, I enjoy sex” they said with a smirk before shrugging. “I dunno dude. I like working with my hands. I work at the auto shop and I enjoy working on cars. I just working with my hands. I think i’m gonna get a tiny home kit and build it myself” they mentioned. “Technically I’m a full time student, yeah. 12 units. But classes just started and we haven’t hit the drop deadline yet” the explained.

Hannah

"Do you find it compulsive to always bring the subject matter back to sex, or is it a defensive choice?" She asked, her voice even, that same calming tone she used with all her clients. "Working with your hands is often a coping mechanism for ADHD, which is certainly one of the healthier ways to cope. And if you're able to create a life, a home, a career, around it then that's amazing! Do you think you will drop any classes?"

Clark

Clark couldn’t help but chuckle at her question. “You asked me what my interests are. I’m just trying to not lie to ya” they said, smiling at the server as they brought by their drinks. “And it’s something I’m good at. Might as well bring it up” they explained. Rolling their eyes again, they leaned back against the booth, pulling their hands into their lap subconsciously. “But I don’t have ADHD so I don’t have to worry about that. It’s just something I enjoy doing” they said defensively, their walls definitely coming up quickly. “I wanna fucken drop my math class but i’m gonna have to take it to graduate so might as well take it now” they said annoyed.

Hannah

Possible sex addiction, Hannah noted mentally, nodding as Clark spoke. She could sense them growing defensive and decided to let the analysis drop for now. "Right, you mentioned having dyscalculia before, so I'm sure math isn't fun for you, to be honest, I always hated math myself! That's why I didn't go into physical medicine." She laughed, lifting her bottle of perrier and taking a sip. "You are taking advantage of resources the have to allow you, I assume. Is it the only math class you have to take?"

Clark

Clark shook their head. “Yeah Peyton is gonna be my test proctor now. I hate all the stupid things I have to do for math. It’s not like I’m majoring in math or anything. Just theatre” they mentioned casually. Shaking their head again they sighed. “No this is the math class I need to take to get into the first of two required math classes. I’ll have to take a total of 3 eventually and I just don’t know if a degree is worth it” they said.

Hannah

Hannah smiled. "My Peyton? That's amazing! She's my best friend, and she's.. probably the most patient person in the world, so I am glad to hear you are in good hands." Finally their food arrived and Hannah thanked the server before reaching for a crab puff, which had been set in the center of the table. "What made you want to get a degree in the first place?"

Clark

Clark shrugged. “I dunno. How many Peytons live in Doveport” they asked as they threw a crab puff in their mouth. Taking a bite of their low mein, they shrugged before falling into their bad habit of talking with a full mouth. “I’m here might as well do something. It was either that or just be come a drugie and I figured my parents didn’t want that”

Hannah

Now they were getting somewhere. "Oh I see, I thought you'd come back to Doveport specifically for school, but I guess that's not the case. What brought you back?" She asked, cutting into her chicken and taking a bite.

Clark

“Traveling alone is boring” they said matter of factly. “I wanna go travel in Europe and Australia and all that jazz but it’s not fun alone. Need a new travel partner” they explained like they had many a time before

Hannah

"So you came to Doveport to find a new travel companion and then decided to get a degree instead?" There were definite plot holes here, but Hannah knew better than to push. She took another bite of her chicken and smiled, it was one of the best things on the menu.

Clark

“I grew up in Doveport. Came back to regroup. Didn’t wanna hit the road again with another partner and decided what the hell might as well do something” they said, sticking with their story and very expertly staying away from Deni.

Hannah

Hannah nodded again. Clark was pretty well rehearsed, she had to give them that. “I see.” She decided to move on for the time being. “So, what made you actually meet up with me tonight? Not too many people who come off so anti-analysis would be willing to undergo it, even if it does mean a free meal.”

Clark

“I very rarely turn down a free meal. Very rarely. I was already planning to meet up anyway. I’m a fairly lazy person. If I already have plans, even if they change slightly i’ll still follow through, unless something more important comes up” they said through another mouth full of food. “Besides, thought it could be interesting to see what kind of crazy analysis you come up with”

Hannah

“So you just wanted to see me, huh?” Hannah smiled. In another lifetime, Hannah probably would have slept with Clark, they were attractive, and certainly sure of themselves, but there was something broken about them too, something Hannah couldn’t ignore. “Well, it doesn’t really work like that, therapy doesn’t happen in a vacuum.” She took another bite. “Anything you want to ask me?” The teens she saw loved this part, turning the tables on her.

Clark

Clark smirked. “What can I say. The nip slip was enticing” they said honestly. Clark raised an eyebrow at the girls words. “That means nothing to me” they said with a shrug. Raising an eyebrow, they leaned back. “Not yet. Though i’m totally taking that question and throwing it in my back pocket for later.”

Hannah

Hannah nodded, she could be embarrassed, but she wasn’t, she was fairly confident Clark wouldn’t try to use the picture to end her career or anything. “It means it doesn’t happened separately from the rest of your life, you can’t sit here with me once, get an analysis and be done, it takes time and work outside of our meetings, normally I would assign you homework, for instance. I won’t this time.” She assured Clark quickly. “And that’s fine, I tend to ask it toward the end of every session. I ask 3 questions, actually, at the end of each session, that was number one.” She smiled.

Clark

Clark couldn’t help but roll their eyes again before digging back into their food. “I don’t have money to become one of your patients. Nor do I have time. I go to school, I work, I fuck. I also have homework and sometimes I sleep. No time for appointments. Sorry doc” they said. Sitting back, they raised an eyebrow. “What’s question 2 and 3?”

Hannah

Shrugging, Hannah looked down at her plate, selecting the perfect bite of chicken. "They're clients, and again, not a doctor." She looked up again, meeting Clark's eyes. "Look, you don't need to commit to anything you don't want to, but if you wanted to keep meeting up like this and talking, I'd be more than willing to do it on your time, and just like this, casual, over a meal. Just two people talking." She took her bite, chewing and swallowing before she answered. "Question two is, if you could say anything you wanted to me, without worrying about me judging you or having an emotion reaction, what would you say?"

Clark

Clark leaned back “Don’t you need a phd or something to be a therapist?” Clark asked, genuinely curious. Picking at their food while they narrowed their eyes at the girl, the hummed. “I can’t afford you” Clark repeated. “And I’m fine. I don’t need help or whatever” they said. “I’ve muscled through life so far and I’m just fine” they said defensively. Smirking at the girl, they leaned forward. “I’m still planning on getting into your pants tonight” they said honestly.

Hannah

"No, you need a PhD to be a psychiatrist or psychologist, therapy requires a master's degree and a license, though I have considered going back for my doctorate, to be able to do testing." Hannah explained. "To be clear, if you chose to continue meeting me, I wouldn't charge you, it would be... just meeting up like this. I'll even pay for the meal every other time." She laughed, scooping up another bite with a bit of rice, she always saved the rice til the end. She smiled at Clark's comment. "You won't be, but I appreciate you being so candid with me."

Clark

Clark nodded along with the girl. “Okay, listen. I’ll make you a deal” they said, straightening up in their seat. “I’ll have dinner with you once a week and I’ll get tested for ADHD but I expect to get into your pants eventually and I will only get tested if you’re the one doing it” they said, fully expecting the girl to not agree at all

Hannah

Hannah laughed lightly, she liked that Clark was willing to negotiate. "Well, I can't do the testing without my PhD, so if you're willing to wait four years to get it done, then I guess that can be arranged, but what I can do is refer you to someone in my office as a pro-bono case and sit in on the testing as... sort of a consultant, so you'd have a familiar face there." She offered. "And as far as getting in my pants, I have very strict rules against sleeping with clients, but if you still want me after 2 years after you're discharged from my care, that can be something we put on the back burner."

Clark

Clark narrowed their eyes. “What if i don’t agree to any of this? Will I get into your pants then?” they asked, knowing that the answer wasn’t actually going to change their mind.

Hannah

"Probably not at this point, no." Hannah answered honestly. The server came by with the check and two fortune cookies, assuring them they could take their time. Hannah reached for her credit card and put it in the plastic tray, taking the cookie closest to her. "But think of it this way, what do you have to lose? You get a free meal every other week, someone you can just vent to or talk to or just sit across from if you don't feel like talking, who is legally not allowed to talk about it with anyone else." She smiled. "Unless you're a danger to yourself or others." She disclaimed again. "Plus, you get to see me every week!"

Clark

Clark groaned at her answer and reached out to take a sip of their drink. They needed as much help as they could get but they weren’t willing to admit that. Yet, the girl across from her was willing to pay for Clark to come and talk to her. Setting their drink down, they crossed their arms. “Fine. I’ll agree to all of this but I still expect sex at the end of it all” they said defensively.

Hannah

Hannah nodded. "Alright, if, two years after we're done, you still want to have sex with me, we'll have sex. But the condition is, you can't use it as a change of subject every time we meet. You can talk about your sex life in general, but not about the potential of having sex with me, deal?" She held out her hand so they could shake on it.

Clark

Clark chewed the inside of their lip. “As long as I can bring it up on occasion to remind you it’s still happening, then deal” they said, reaching out their own hand but not grasping the others in case she didn’t agree to their terms

Hannah

"Fine." Hannah said with a sigh, knowing the ends would justify the means anyway. She inched her hand a little closer. "Don't leave me hangin!" She smiled.

Clark

Clark thought about it for one more moment. They could back out right now and not agree. “I can quit any time right? Just say I’m done that’s that?” they asked as they inched their hand closer.

Hannah

Hannah nodded. "Yep, there's no binding contract, you can even change your mind from this week to next, but sex is off the table if you don't make it through at least 5 sessions." She added, before Clark got any bright ideas.

Clark

Clark bit the inside of their cheek again before reaching out and grabbing the girls hand. “Fine” they said as they shook. “But no one knows. I’m expecting you to keep this fully confidential. I don’t need your therapy dinner crap to ruin my reputation” they said, their walls all the way up. “And I still expect my third question.”

Hannah

"100% confidential, you have my word. By HIPPA regulations, I'm technically not allowed to say I even know you, so as far as anyone else in town is concerned, we're just friends. Are you taking any science this semester? You could tell people I'm helping you study for that." She offered. "Ah, an excellent segue!" She said, pulling her hand back and reaching for her phone to open the calendar. "Question 3: when do I get to see you again?" She looked up, still smiling.

Clark

“Not this semester. World History, math, intro to theatre and spanish 101. Though we’ll see how long I last” they said with a shrug. “But I can tell people we’re friends that’s fine. I may even tell people I’ve slept with ya just for kicks” they said with a wink. Rolling their eyes again, they pulled out their own phone and looked. “Tuesdays and Thursday’s are the best days for me to have dinner. So choose a day and we’ll make it a reoccurring thing”

Hannah

With a smile, Hannah nodded. "Friends it is, then." She leafed quickly through her calendar, next week she'd be back at work officially, but she tended to keep appointments early on Thursdays, she loved working 4 days a week. "Let's make it Thursdays." She tapped Clark's name in and made it a weekly event. "Does 7 work for you? Any food requests for next week?" She asked, looking up.

Clark

Clark made a note in her note pad she may never even see again about dinners with Hannah on Thursday’s before glancing up. “Works for me. And since I’m paying next week I’m getting beer” they warned her fully. “7 is fine. We can go to Joes or whatever” they said with a shrug before the turned back to their food to finish up the last few bites

Hannah

Nodding again, Hannah put her phone away. She wasn't entirely sure Joe's actually had beer, but that was neither here nor there at this point. "Sounds great." She smiled, and cracked over her fortune cookie, reading the slip of paper aloud. "You will be successful in many venture. Awesome!" She laughed, looking at Clark. "How was your Lo Mein?"

Clark

Clark semi tossed their phone on the table before cracking open their fortune. “ A dubious friend may be an enemy in camouflage ” they read before busting up laughing. “That’s funny” they said before looking down at their empty plate. “It was horrible. Disgusting. I should send it back” they joked in a dead pan voice.

Hannah

Hannah rolled her eyes, Clark was so much like the teens she saw, but she cared for each and every one of her clients, and Clark was no exception. The server came to take Hannah's card and she sat back and smiled. "I think this is going to be really good, really give us a chance to know each other." She nodded, her fingertips playing with her Perrier bottle.

Clark

Clark shrugged. “I mean maybe. Guess we’ll see how much you can get out of me” they said honestly. “I still thing I’m fine. I don’t need therapy or whatever” they said, their hands wrapping and unwrapping a straw wrapper around their fingers

Hannah

"Everyone could use someone to talk to, Clark, that doesn't make you weak or broken, it makes you human. And last I checked, that's not a crime." Hannah said, reaching out and putting a hand over Clark's. She hoped at the very least, she had made a new friend.

Clark

Clark shrugged but didn’t pull away. “I just hope you’re not gonna get you’re hopes up at like fixing me or whatever. I don’t need to be fixed. I’m not broken. That’s all” they said before pulling their hand away. “Alright, good talk, Doc. Guess i’ll see ya next week the “ they said as they grabbed their phone and began to slide out of the booth.

Hannah

Hannah hummed. She knew Clark needed to say what they needed to say, it was more for her benefit than hers, so she just let them say it. "See you next week." She smiled and waved as Clark left, then gathered her things and headed out of Lucky's and straight into the small side door one over, up the stairs to visit a friend.

#hannah #what's up doc #adventures #adventures with clark

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