#preferably not overproduced i prefer when people just talk to a camera | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mrsrcbinscn · 3 years

Text

Franny’s Top 10 Mainstream Country Songs of 2020

playlist

tl;dr: A selection of script excerpts from a video on Franny’s YouTube channel called “My 10 Favorite Hit Country Songs of 2020″. This isn’t everything she had to say about those songs ofc, just excerpts. I ain’t writing all her thoughts lmao

tw: mentions but no detailed discussion of death and abortion

INTRO: Susadei*, hello, and welcome to my channel, where I, Franny Sor Robinson, share my opinions about music on the internet.”

*susadei is the informal way to say hello in Khmer, Franny’s first language

TOPIC INTRODUCTION: It is almost Christmas, which means! It’s time to start my end of the year roundup. I made videos every December talkin’ about my top 10 favorite...fill-in-the-blank. This year, we’re going to start with my Top 10 Hit Country Songs of 2020. And before you start typin’ [cuts to Franny wearing Cornelius’ glasses and one of Laszlo pretentious artist scarves, black and white] “Ew! I came here to find of hipster shit!” [cuts to Franny wearing one of Petunia’s jackets, black and white] “Where’s the BANJOS!?” [color restored] that’s the one I’m recording next so hold on.

As always, this list is in no particular order, because I believe that music isn’t something you rank on a linear bad, worse, worst, good, better, greatest scale.

RULES: Now, the rules!

The song can’t be one I had a part in “So if I co-wrote it, if it’s my song, or I featured on the track, it’s out.”

No carry-overs “If I mentioned it in my 2019 list, it can’t be on this list.”

Spread the love

“Only one artist repeat is allowed, I get one double dip but other than that, it has to be a new artist.”

Beyond those rules, that’s really it. So without further ado, let’s get into it.

10. Love You Like I Used To by Russell Dickerson

Number ten on the list is one that, actually, surprised me. To me, Russell Dickerson is...well. I’m all about positivity on this channel, talkin’ about other artists. But. He’s solidly part of mainstream Nashville, y’all know my thoughts on the Nashville music industry.

It’s still -- I mean, it's a mainstream country song and was always meant to be, so it still follows the formula but it’s creative. It presents like a breakup song at first but right before the first chorus, you find it’s actually a love song. The first verse starts with

‘I've always loved you, oh, but something's changed’ but in the chorus you get [and she plays it on her piano, that her camera and microphone are set on and sings it] ‘I don't love you like I used to, this gets better every time you kiss me like this, it's stronger the longer I'm with you-’ and I think that’s a creative thing to do with a song.

Like I’ve said before, I don’t hate every single pop country song, and I think there is value in and a place for, pop country. What I do hate is the vapid, formulaic trash that Nashville keeps pushing. So when a song like this that has the made-for-Nashville-radio arrangement but actually does somethin’ creative lyrically, I see it for what it is. And it’s good. It’s good.

9. One Night Standards by Ashley McBryde

I’ve actually had the pleasure of co-writin’ a song with Ashley before, so seeing how well this song’s done this year-- how well she’s done this year -- it’s been great.

This song’s about a woman laying down the ground rules for a one night stand and I love. this. song.

A lot of people find this song sad, but I don’t think there’s anything sad at all about a woman owning her sexuality. I think this one line, ‘can’t you just use me like I’m using you’ makes people think it’s a sad song. Maybe it is! But like...I had casual sex all the time in college. I was absolutely using my one night stands for some meaningless, easy sex, and I knew they were using me for sex, and it was fine.

It’s fine, that’s what a one night stand is. And to me, it sounds like she’s just here for some sex, and the guy’s like, trying to have conversation and do things “right” like offer his phone number, and she’s like, in the words of the great philosopher, Ke$ha, ‘just show me where your dick’s at.’ And I appreciate that.

8. I Called Mama by Tim McGraw

It might be because I’m seven months pregnant, and my son is starting university next fall, and my mother lives on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, but this song has started to make me cry so I can’t really, like, listen to it very often. But I think it is one of the most beautiful, honest songs on country radio this year. It’s a gentle ballad about not putting things off until it's too late, that starts off with a friend calling the narrator to tell him about the death of a friend, which leads to a phone call home to the narrator's mother.

This song makes me think about myself, and my mother, and one day when my son is living on his own, my son and old lady me.

The part in the second verse, ‘I can always hear her smile when I call, I just called to tell you that I loved you, I was missin' you and dad, and home, that's all’ -- I cry 1 out of 3 times. Probably. I miss my parents a lot. And I hope my son will miss me and call just to say he loves me and his father when he’s all grown up. The song makes me think about my family and my place in it.

7. Starting Over by Chris Stapleton

This is another one that I feel on a personal level. It’s this positive ballad featuring his wife, Morgane, talking about how much they love each other and their desire to go through life’s bullshit together. And it just makes me think about my husband, and how much I love him.

It’s another one I can’t listen to often, I get all misty-eyed. I can’t listen to love songs even when I’m not pregnant, I just call my husband like “I love you” “are you crying” “No!”

6. What If I Never Get Over You by Lady A

This was one of my honorable mentions of 2019 so it doesn’t count, it’s allowed. Charles Kelley and Hilary Scott’s voices together are just - ugh, god, they’re chef’s kiss, perfect. And I...think this song is just about as good as Need You Now as far as their longing, breakup songs.

I like how there isn’t a big beat-you-over-the-head climax moment because this song does not need one, it wouldn’t be right. Like, there is one but it’s not like ‘BAM’ there’s the climax! It’s very natural. It was a return to the rich, smooth sound of the band’s earlier hits and that’s the Lady A stuff I really loved. Even their fun stuff like Lookin’ For A Good Time and Love Don’t Live Here, from the earlier days, I prefer those to the overproduced kind of….made-for-radio stuff that snuck its way into their catalog over the years. Sonically, it seems like they’re returned to what makes them great together and I’m happy to see it.

5. Bluebird by Miranda Lambert

At number five on the list is Bluebird by Miranda Lambert. This whole album was on my best albums of 2019 list, and I am thrilled that Bluebird became a single. Miranda is a modern day legend in country music and this album especially just keeps proving it.

Musically, lyrically, everything about this song works. The twists she makes on common metaphors in the English language like ‘when life gives you lemons’ instead of making lemonade she mixes them in her drink, they’re clever. I adore Miranda, it ain’t a secret, I’ve said as much to her gorgeous, gorgeous face, and it’s great seeing the songs from this album, including Bluebird, get the love it deserves.

4. One Beer by HARDY and Lauren Alaina

One Beer is a song about a teenage pregnancy, which. We all know my experience with that, but if you don’t, click here [points off to the side, and a card pops up that will link you to a video titled I Got Pregnant When I Was 14 #shoutyourabortion #endthestigma]. It kind of reminds me of Kenny Chesney’s There Goes My Life from...2000...2004? Is it? Wow, I’m old.

Lauren Alaina’s voice is flawless, as always, and HARDY’s word play strikes once again. For my followers that didn’t grow up with English as their first language -- is this a thing in other countries, or is this an American thing? My UK, New Zealand, et cetera followers, comment down below if kids did this where you’re from too.

Anyway, if a boy and a girl were so much as friends in like, first grade kids would tease you with this specific rhyme like, Joey and Sarah sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage --- and in the song, HARDY plays on that with ‘A boy and a girl and a three on the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes lust then a shotgun marriage, six months later comes a baby in a carriage’ and just love that kind of clever wordplay shit.

3. I Wish Grandpas Never Died by Riley Green

I first heard this song when I was in The States, driving around with Dan[iel Maitland] and it was on the radio, I thought it was some breakup song. But then the last line of the chorus hit me ‘I Wish Grandpas Never Died’ and I just start bawling and Daniel’s like ‘don’t get your tears on my new car seats!’

Love you too, Dan.

It’s a beautiful song. Sad, but you can also tell he really loved his grandfathers, who’ve both passed away. He’s written several songs inspired by one or both of them. It’s a good song, good writing, I like how lowkey it is musically. And it’s honest songwriting that I wish country radio still had more of.

2. Gaslighter by The Chicks

After over a decade away from the music scene, my queen are BACK! Gaslighter was an amazing return and the rest of their album did not disappoint. Now, I don’t think the album was purely a country album, which I talked about in my full album review you can find here [points to the side, where a card pops up linking you to the video], but it is an album that I thoroughly enjoyed that included country songs. They experimented with this album, I love to see it. Let artists experiment without shaming them 2020! Anyway, the album does have lots of country songs and Gaslighter is one of them.

Natalie Maines’ vocals are, as always, everything one would hope they’d be. They all looked great in the music video. It was a great middle finger to Natalie’s ex-husband, Adrian Pasdar. God, I bet it was fun to write.

I love writing songs about Dan’s divorces with him since I don’t have one to write about. Keep getting divorces Dan, endless content. [cuts to a video of Daniel Maitland acting like she said that in person to him and he goes ‘rude.’]

Stream The Chicks. Natalie, Martie, and Emily could stab me and I’d apologize to them, but the thing is, they never would. They’re too nice. They’re so nice. Collaborate with me again please, please, I love you. [mouths call me]

1. Die From A Broken Heart by Maddie & Tae

This song was another one of my honorable mentions in 2019, and I’m kicking myself for never properly talking about it until now. I’ve loved Maddie & Tae since Girl In A Country Song and Die From A Broken Heart is just -- god, it sounds so familiar.

Like, it sounds like I did talking to my mother about getting my heart broken when I was younger. It’s honest, vulnerable songwriting that I can’t get enough of.

#insp: youtube

0 notes

artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

Say You Won't Let Go Part 1 (Biadore) - Fucking Awful

A/N: Hey Qweens! Fucking Awful again, back with another song-based Biadore fic.

Summary: A song inspires Danny to think back on his relationship with Roy, from their first meetings to present.

Song: This one is based on “Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur, linked here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yW7w8F2TVA

Structure: This one will be somewhere between 7-8 parts, if you guys are down to stick it out! Each part is associated with a couplet or verse from the song. Song lyrics are in bold and just there to set the tone; if they come into play in the story/dialogue you’ll see them again. Internal monologue/thoughts are in italics.

Danny was laid out on his tiny couch, feet propped up on the arm rest and his laptop balanced on his stomach. It was a gray, rainy day in Seattle, which he took as the universe’s cue that he should just hibernate for a bit. He’d just finished watching Amy Schumer’s latest comedy special on Netflix, and needed something else to do for a few hours until he was supposed to go out with Johnny.

It had been a minute since he found any new music he was really into, so Danny decided to go hunting through Spotify. Not feeling particularly adventurous, and curious as to what exactly was getting radio play right now, he went straight for the Global Top 50 playlist. He put it on shuffle and sat up to pack another baby bowl for himself.

He lit up and listened to the first few songs that played. He dug a couple of them – he was always into whatever Kendrick and Lorde were putting out, and was slowly being one over by those little fuck faces The Chainsmokers – but he was disappointed with how little variety there was. Everything sounded overproduced and more than a little electronic, which were not inherently bad qualities to Danny…just bad when they all started to sound the same.

He was just about to change playlists when he was surprised – the sound of an actual acoustic guitar, not a synth or an drum kit. Danny decided to give the song a shot, and was again pleasantly surprised by the guy’s voice. He listened to the song once and really enjoyed it – enough that when the playlist rolled into a Post Malone song, he clicked back to listen again.

Before Danny knew it, he’d listened to the song 8 times and had almost burned through his whole bowl. The melody, the voice – it was all great. But he couldn’t bring himself to turn the song off because it kept making him think of one thing, a person really: Roy.

Some combination of weed, the music and thoughts of Roy was giving him an unbelievable high. He felt warm, happy, and totally relaxed. As he let the song continue to play, Danny started to think back about spending time with Roy…

—

I met you in the dark, you lit me up You made me feel as though I was enough

They’d been in the competition for about 10 days at this point, together as a group for less than a week. Danny felt lucky that he’d come into Drag Race with his friend Jay – at first. He was quickly disappointed to find out that his homie was more concerned about selling a packaged Laganja personality than being an ally and confidante in what was turning out to be a really brutal experience. Danny found himself feeling closer to Gia and Dela, strangers to him only a few days before, than to the person he’d known for years.

That Jay was not going to be the support system he hoped for became crystal clear the night before, when Michelle had called him out for his lack of corseting. Danny had been totally crushed by her comment. He knew that he absolutely killed the Rusical challenge, but got the distinct sense his lack of cinching cost him the win. Coming off 2 straight weeks of almost going home, he had been so close to the validation he desperately wanted; he knew it was spoiled of him to think this way, but 2nd place for something so stupid and superficial felt as bad as lip-syncing for his life – again.

He’d gone to talk to Jay about it after the elimination, hoping for a friendly face to spend a few minutes venting before flipping the situation. Jay was always good for laughs and distractions, and had frequently drug him out of the dumps before. But when Danny bounded up calling him “Ganj Ganj,” he was met with another pre-prepared round of drama.

Jay went on about his parents coming up on the Untucked screen and how the other girls – led by Roy/Bianca – had been mean or rude or something that he interpreted as less than empathetic to his situation…whatever it was, Danny couldn’t follow the story. In the years he had known Jay, his parents had been nothing but supportive. Not unlike Danny’s mom, they took a little while to come around at first. But, after a few months of their son death dropping across West Hollywood, they’d become his biggest fans. Hell, Danny had met them on several occasions and they’d proven to be heavy tippers with enough tequila in them. So why Jay was making a big deal about his parents “finally” accepting him after 20-something years, Danny could not understand.

What he did understand was that, like himself, Jay understood how this show worked. Ever perceptive – they were both ESFPs after all – Jay and Danny knew how the camera guys worked. Their lenses were trained to catch drama, and it was so transparent that the insecure and victimized Laganja was on display to get airtime.

And so the next day after Snatch Game, Danny chose to take his emotional needs elsewhere. Just like in the Rusical, he knew he fucking killed this challenge. He’d been low-key doing Anna Nicole as a part of his Adore act for years, so when the opportunity presented itself to bring her (back to) life he slayed.

But today on the runway he was supposed to look like RuPaul, a challenge where he once again felt set up for failure. The polished, Glamazon aesthetic was so far away from what Danny was equipped to do. He saw zero opportunity to go out on stage and have Michelle do anything but wag a rhinestoned talon in his face.

Danny knew without question he was going to be read for two things: his dress being too short, and his waist not being cinched. The first he knew was his fault, but was ready to defend it – he preferred shorter things that didn’t sop up the spilled beer on a club stage, fuck hemlines that hit the floor. But the second he felt was both personal and petty. The body stuff, it dinged his self-esteem more than he wanted to admit. He was starting to wonder if he was misshapen for real, not just misshapen for a man dressing as a woman.

So when he needed to voice his fears out loud – Bonnie always taught him that insecurities lose their power when you talk about them – he brought it up at the mirror with Ben. Shane happened to be there as well, but Danny felt a weird kinship with his fellow Idol and wasn’t too shy about bringing up his issues in front of the Aussie.

“Am I the only one that’s, like, having a problem with, like, my body?” Danny put the question out there, expecting the empathetic Ben to jump in immediately. He was surprised when Shane engaged him first.

“Well maybe you do, and so what?” Shane replied – not what Danny expected him to say. For someone who presented so beautifully – Courtney was un-clockable as a woman, and really could’ve won America’s Next Top Model in a heartbeat – he sure did have a lot to say about body acceptance and self love.

The conversation opened up into a broader discussion about weight and body issues, as Ben spoke about his struggles with weight as a child. Hearing him talk about his own obesity and bullying gave Danny some much-needed perspective on the situation. He started to feel really stupid for bringing up “hog body” when he knew damn well he was actually pretty slim and had nothing to complain about.

Now he was feeling insecure on 2 fronts – about his body, and about whether or not his concerns about his shape came off as bratty in comparison to Ben’s very real story. Again, he knew about how the cameramen worked. He could only imagine people twisting his words into fat shaming, fishing for compliments, self pity…He walked away from the mirror, lost in his own worries.

When Roy piped up from the work table behind him, Danny was shocked. “Adore!”

Damn, he’s so good at remembering to use people’s drag names. “Yes baby?” Holy fuck, why did I just call this old ass dude ‘baby’? Danny walked over to Roy’s station. I like that newsboy hat, I should get one of my own. But in black. And leather.

And then the moment that would no doubt prove to be the biggest surprise of his Drag Race experience happened. Funny how 30 seconds can change the course of 5 weeks, 3 years, forever…

With no apparent ulterior motive, Roy offered to lend Danny his extra waist cincher – not only to lend it to him, but to lace him in it so he didn’t go out there looking like a fucking idiot wearing a corset for the first time.

To say this confused Danny was an understatement. He knew he had been dismissive of Roy from the first day they’d combined the premiere groups, but in his defense he thought it was totally justified. From his perspective, everything Roy had said to and about Laganja, Gia, himself – and even some of the less vocal queens under 25 – was rude and condescending. Roy presented himself as someone who would treat Danny and his art just like any other “seasoned” queen had in the past – as if it was a joke, and not worth his time or appreciation.

That had changed a bit in the last 24 hours, when he started to see that maybe Roy was just there to call people out on their bullshit. He was basically right about the Laganja situation, though maybe a little harsh with his delivery. Danny had to appreciate that the older man seemed to at least be honest to the drag personality he’d built over (so many!) years – even if Bianca del Rio was truly a hateful cunt.

All this was processing in Danny’s mind as Roy made the offer, and he realized he was standing there with his mouth half open and subconsciously licking his lips. Why am I doing that?

“I’m down!” How could Danny possibly turn down the offer? Here was someone giving him a golden ticket into Michelle’s good graces – or at least spotting him some of the bus fare to get there – and goddammit he was going to say yes. The fact that it was Roy of all people, though, was still a shocker.

Roy said he would lace him in as soon as he got dressed, and that was that. Danny started to walk away, but then turned around to linger at the table for a few seconds afterwards. He noticed more than a few things in those moments – again he was perceptive one, for a Libra at least.

First, he noticed that Roy had a little self-satisfied smile when he thought Danny had walked away. It was close-lipped and just barely noticeable as he took off his hat, but his eyes betrayed the grin independent of the curve of his lips that showed Danny he was pretty happy about something.

Second, he noticed what Roy looked like. Danny had spent so long looking at – and kind of hating – Bianca del Rio that he’d never taken the time to look at Roy. Roy was undeniably handsome, with a youthful face that never revealed his age and dimples that you could take a shot of Fireball out of. His olive skin gave off a perma-tanned glow, and his deep brown eyes projected a kindness that even his most cutting words and facial expressions couldn’t over power. Danny found himself quickly wondering about what he couldn’t see; Roy was an inch or two shorter than him, but from what he could tell it was made up of mostly muscle and would certainly feel nice and strong up against…

Danny cut off his own thoughts. He had to, knowing that the hands he had momentarily been fantasizing about were soon going to be touching his bare skin and lacing him into what was one-part body shaper and one-part sex toy.

Too late. When Roy was done transforming himself into Bianca-as-Ru, he came over to help Danny.

“Alright Delano, strip down so I can see what I’m working with.”

“What-“ Danny almost had to bite his own tongue to not finish the sentence as he removed his shirt. You were honestly about to say ‘Whatever you want, Daddy.’ Jesus! Get it together. Roy slipped the corset over his head and began tightening from the back.

“It’s got to be tight, but you should still feel like you can breathe even if your heart is in your throat. I can’t be responsible for the death of yet another drag queen.” Danny laughed, and so did Roy.

“Ok, now lean over and grab table, it’ll give me some more leverage to pull from and you’ll be a little more comfortable. Does that feel okay, the way I’m pulling? Is it too hard?”

Danny honestly couldn’t tell if Roy was doing this on purpose.

“Usually a guy buys me a pizza or at least a few beers before he’s bending me over and asking about how hard he’s going.”

He could literally feel Roy rolling his eyes behind him.

“Oh please, kid. In your dreams.”

Danny wasn’t sure, but he thought he could also feel Roy smile. How can I feel someone smile when I can’t even see their face?

Roy wasn’t wrong about the dreams, though. Danny already knew that he was going to have all kinds of fucked up sex dreams about Roy-as-Bianca-as-Ru and Roy-as-Bianca-as-Judge Judy and Roy-as-sexy AF Roy himself…good thing he wasn’t hung up on defining his own sexuality.

But what surprised Danny was when, later that night during the judge’s panel and his second time coming in second, he wasn’t upset like the day before. For the first time this whole competition, he felt truly proud of everything he’d done in the challenge AND on the runway.

The latter was in no small part due to Roy, who Danny got the distinct sense was proud of him, too. Danny could feel his smile – that smile he could some how sense even without seeing it – during all his critiques, and it helped him carry his confidence through Michelle’s comments about his dress length and wig. He stood a little bit taller and beamed a little bit brighter knowing Roy was even a little bit impressed with him.

Why do I care so much about what Roy thinks of me? This would remain a mystery to Danny for longer than he was proud to admit.

When the top and bottom queens walked back into the Untucked lounge, Danny stole a second away from the cameras to grab Roy and pull him aside. He hugged Roy tightly – did I hug him too tight? – and thanked him for his help.

“You just saved me from getting ripped a new asshole by Michelle, thank you so much B.” Stopping his impulse to say “baby” again, “B” seemed like a good catch-all that he could always say stood for Bianca.

“Please, you wish I would rip you a new asshole.” Roy broke out of the hug, and gave Danny a peck on the cheek. “You’ve got a lot going for you, Danny. You’re so talented and really very special. I’m glad I could help them see it, now it’s your job to remind them every time.”

Roy walked away while Danny hung back to savor the words for a minute. The most judgmental, honest person he’d ever met just told him he was talented and special. It took him a few seconds of head-in-the-clouds awe before he wandered into the Interior Illusions lounge and leaned himself onto a chair – Fuck, sitting in a corset is hard.

His buzz was quickly killed by the latest episode of Ganja drama, another round of accusations hurled equally at him and Roy from an incredibly insecure Jay. It actually distressed Danny to see Jay so upset, but at the same time he knew it was at least 50% bullshit and totally at his expense.

That Roy practically leaped to his defense (at least Danny saw it that way) only added to the mind-fuck of the day. The stranger he thought would be his biggest detractor was instead acting as more of a support system than the friend he usually counted on.

After the night’s cluster-fucked Untucked session – during which Danny allowed himself to really enjoy Roy’s humor for the first time, but was also accused of being heartless and cruel – and elimination, Danny was feeling pretty shitty. “Did you or did you not come for me?”-gate drained him completely, and he was genuinely sad to see Gia leave. Yes, had Gia spent the last few days rallying around Jay, but Danny knew that was just because G was incredibly empathetic and trying to help a girl out when no one else would. They had become good friends, and Danny was bummed to see someone he started to feel close to go home.

He was last on the van back to the hotel, and ended up sitting alone towards the front. He popped in his headphones and turned on some upbeat music, trying to drown out the negativity in his head: Even when you do well, you’re going to lose friends. This is like the fucking Hunger Games, you win or you die. Or is that Game of Thrones? Whatever, either way it sucks. Gia was rad. Oh god, things are only going to get worse with Jay. Now that he’s –

“You ok, kid?”

Danny’s spiraling thoughts were cut off by Roy, who had sat down next to him and plucked out one of his ear phones. He had a genuine look of concern on his face, but tried to mask it with an exaggerated eyebrow raise.

“Yeah, yeah totally fine.” Danny could feel his own expressionless face and quiet voice giving him away; as someone who was naturally so animated and loud, he knew he was transparent.

“Liar.” Roy scoffed and elbowed him in the side. “Hey, don’t let Jay get to you. He’s playing a game, not a very good one, but it’s just a game. I hope he figures out it won’t work before he self-implodes, it’s driving me out of my goddamn mind. And he’s going to lose a good friend in the process.”

Roy paused, and Danny could feel that he was waiting for a response. Danny wasn’t really sure what to say; Roy was right, but he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“Look, just keep doing what you’ve been doing the last two weeks.” Roy had grabbed his knee when he started the sentence, and Danny could’ve sworn he felt actual bolts of lightning shoot from that hand out through the rest of his body. “I meant what I said in the hallway – you’re unique and so fucking talented I can’t stand it. Get out of your own way – and if you forget how great you are, I’ll just keep reminding you.”

There was a squeeze of his knee and a genuine smile to punctuate the sentence. Danny felt the lighting strike twice. Roy handed him back his headphone and stood up to take his old seat –

“Wait, stay up here.” What are you doing? Before he could stop his words or his actions, Danny grabbed Roy’s wrist and pulled him back down.

Roy obliged, and that was that. For the rest of the season it was always he and Danny in the front of the van together. Sometimes Greg and Shane would join them, but no matter what it was always Adore and Bianca riding together on the way back to the hotel – laughing, stressing, supporting, falling asleep on each other. He never told anyone, but those van rides were his favorite part about Drag Race.

—

We danced the night away, we drank too much I held your hair back when You were throwing up

If the first 10 days felt like a millennium, the rest of the competition flew by in a heartbeat. At least that’s how it felt to Danny, but he suspected that was because every day was such a rollercoaster ride. From Snatch Game to Glitter Ball it was a total blur, a super stressful mix of his massive victories and equally massive failures. By the time they got down to the Final 4 and shooting the “Sissy That Walk” video, Danny felt like he had aged at least 15 years in the span of about 15 minutes.

But through it all Roy was his constant. He never quite ceased to be surprised by this fact. It gave him confidence (and something else) to know that he had a cheerleader in someone so discerning and masterful at the artistry of drag. Roy was always there with either a corset, a joke, a sewing kit or a hug –

Those hugs, man those hugs became like heroin to Danny. Anytime it was getting to be too much he could just sidle up to Roy, who would almost instinctively open his arms and wrap himself around Danny. It made him feel so safe and protected, but also built him back up; the Bianca Del Rio was willing to break her hard shell to comfort him, messy little Adore Delano, and that made him feel like he was special again.

So when Danny was the one hugging Roy, rubbing his back as he crouched over a toilet in Shane’s hotel room, it was a strange reversal of roles.

It all started after Greg’s elimination, which solidified Adore, Bianca and Courtney as the top 3 of Season 6. They were all devastated to see Darienne Lake sashay away, but Danny assumed that, like him, Roy and Shane were just so happy to make it to the finale.

“Guys, we need to celebrate. I know it sucks that Greg is gone, but holy shit we made it!” Danny tried to lighten the mood in the van. “Come on, we need to do something special. It’s our last night in the hotel, we have to make it special.” His knew his face was a-light with excitement, all a part of the Danny Noriega sure-fire pump-up experience.

“Ok you little party animal, what did you have in mind?” Shane got a mischievous look on his face, and Danny was instantly thankful that the Aussie was so down.

“It’s seriously our last night in sequester or whatever they call it. We should be able to do something, go out back in WeHo or –“

“I doubt they’ll let us go out, but maybe they’ll let us hang out together for once.” Roy, ever the practical one, joined in the scheming. “Danny, think you can charm the PA’s into letting us all bunk up in Shane’s room tonight?”

Roy thinks I’m charming? Danny’s thoughts were quickly interrupted.

“Ooh, a threesome? I never took you for a kinky one, Haylock.” Danny nearly spit out his water laughing at Shane’s comment. Roy in a threesome, yeah right.

“Don’t knock in ‘til you’ve tried it, kanga.” Roy winked at Shane, which shot a strange jolt through Danny that felt something like jealousy. “Danny, if you can get them to let us all crash together then we can use the Post-Its to order some Fireball – “

“And tequila!” Shane wasn’t going to let a night pass without tequila.

And it was tequila that led the holy trinity into several games of Never Have I Ever.

They decided from the outset that they’d play with 10 fingers to start – as Shane said, “More fingers are always better, and let’s face it we’ve all probably done everything.” They had made it through 2 rounds – Shane lost the first, and Roy the second – before changing the rules to include a shot for every finger they put down.

“You realize that means the loser is taking 10 shots, right? They teach math in Australia?” Danny could feel himself slurring his words a little bit.

“We’re pouring, like, half shots, you pussy! Not even half shots. Third shots, even. Fourths or eighths – I dunno, I can’t remember the stupid fractions. Point is they’re tiny and you need to just suck it up.” Shane laid out a stack of small tequila shots for them all.

“If you kill my chola I will murder you dead, Shane.” Roy, who was slurring the most at this point, draped an arm across Danny. “I’m from New Orleans, I know some dark Cajun mafia shit. Voodoo.” He hiccupped. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll take care of you.” Danny felt Roy moving closer to his face, whispering the last sentence into his ear.

15 questions into what would be the final game, and Roy and Danny were in a dead heat. Shane had lost total interest around question 5 – maybe not so much lost interest as passed out, Danny thought. But he and Roy were tied, each with only one digit left in their hands.

It was Roy’s turn to ask a question, and Danny could see the wheels in his head turning – slowly, drunkenly. There’s a reason you don’t operate heavy machinery while drunk.

In a flash, Roy sat up a little straighter. He let out a clearly self-satisfied huff and locked eyes with Danny.

“Alright, Danny. Daniel, if that even is your name. My question to you –“

“You don’t ask questions, idiot. You make a statement. Never have you ever –“

“No one likes a know-it-all, shut up. Ok, never have I ever – “ Roy suddenly dropped the snarky voice he’d been using to taunt Danny – “been with an older man.”

Danny was confused: one, he was pretty sure that was a lie, and two, Roy was staring at him really intensely when he said it. He was watching Danny closely, almost studying him while he waited for an answer.

“Well, I guess the game continues. Neither have I!” Danny was feeling triumphant – happy anytime he got to win in a game – but that quickly went away when he saw Roy. The normally bright, dimpled face he’d grown to adore had fallen completely. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought maybe Roy looked sad. That wasn’t quite right – Disappointed? Hurt? Danny was trying to figure it out when –

“Whatever, I lied. I’m out of fingers. Game over.” Roy grabbed the remaining baby shots – all 10 of them, which easily made 4 or 5 real ones – and slammed them down.

"Jesus Roy, that’s straight tequila.” Danny didn’t know if he should be concerned or impressed.

The answer came not 10 minutes later, when Roy was hunched over that toilet. Danny sat next to him on the hotel bathroom floor, rhythmically stroking his back and humming absentmindedly while Roy wretched. Danny got lost in the motion, starting to trace abstract patterns into the fabric of Roy’s t-shirt. As he started to learn the layout of the taught muscles that made up his friend’s back…

Danny was snapped out of his little drawing session when he felt Roy humming under his touch. He didn’t notice at first, because of the vomiting that he was trying to ignore, but as the older man started to relax he began to almost purr every time Danny’s hands would cross certain places. Danny began to focus on those places, telling himself it was to comfort a friend and definitely NOT because he liked hearing Roy make those sounds…

“I’m sorry, kiddo. Sorry you have to take care of me, I can’t imagine this is how you wanted this night to go.” Roy got words out for the first time since he got sick, and of course they were kind and thoughtful.

“B, spending time with you is the best any night can go. Even if it means sitting here to make sure you don’t cough up a lung or break a hip.”

Roy chuckled, leaning himself away from the toilet and against the bathtub. Danny caught his eyes, trying to read them. It was a combination of exhaustion, affection, fear, and something else that Danny had never seen before.

“Are you ok, Roy? Seriously, are you?”

“Come on, I drink more than that on most Monday nights. Just exhausted from all of this.” Roy gestured to the nearly empty bottles.

“No, I know we’re basically murdering our own livers by mixing Fireball and Patron” – Danny was surprised by his own level of articulation with so much liquor coursing through his body – “but something else is up.”

“Well aren’t you a perceptive bitch? Don’t worry about it, it’s just…I….look, it’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“Why not? Shane’s passed the fuck out, it’s just me. You know you can tell me anything, I told you about the time I –“

“Don’t need reminding, Danny, but thanks. No, I just can’t…specifically…” Roy was staring to slur more, and his sentences were losing structure. “I can’t tell you, because…”

Danny thought he got it. Roy’s worried about the competition, he’s stressed about what’s going to happen next. That’s why he can’t tell me, because he thinks I’m burnt out enough myself and doesn’t want to add on. Or he because he wants to beat me.

“I get it, I do. You’re stressed about top 3. It’s a lot of pressure, or whatever. Look, Roy, we all know you’re going to win and take over the world, become something really amazing. Whatever you’re feeling, forget about it. It doesn’t matter, because you now what? You’re gonna be America’s Next Goddamn Drag Superstar.”

Danny tried to read the expression on Roy’s face after his drunken attempt at a pep talk. There was a clear – and clearly faked – layer of happiness and appreciation trying to cover one of total disappointment and confusion.

“You’re right. I am gonna win, just like Laganja’s parents always said I would.”

And with that, Roy hoisted himself up off the bathroom floor and then lent Danny a hand to do the same. “We should probably go to sleep, since we all have to leave early tomorrow. Walk you back to your room?”

Danny saw those same wheels turning in Roy’s head, some drunk guy still running the machine.

“If you’re sure you’ll be ok, then yeah. I think we leave Shane to handle the mess we made in the morning.”

Danny walked with Roy back to his own room. It was all of 50 steps, but Roy held his hand while they walked anyway. It might’ve seem strange to anyone else, but they were drunk and both known to be touchy-feely at any level of inebriation.

Danny slid the keycard in the lock and opened the door. As he backed into his room, he felt Roy hover in the doorway. He looked up to see his friend staring at him, his sharp and deep eyes focusing with a burning intensity he had never seen before and couldn’t really define. It almost seemed like he wanted to pounce on Danny, to –

“Look, about tonight…” Roy slowly started into a commentary on how he should’ve taken the shots slower, how he hadn’t eaten, how bad he felt that Danny had to take care of him. “And I guess what I really wanted to say to you tonight was – “

“I know, you’re proud of me. Thank you for that, you changed my life and I changed yours. All that kumbaya shit.” Danny thought he knew exactly what Roy was going to say, and wanted to spare his Bianca façade the indignity of once again being kind. He wrapped his friend in a hug and kissed him on the cheek.

When Danny let go, he expected to see a relieved and ready-to-joke Roy. Instead he saw that same face from earlier – a little fake happiness haphazardly spread across something sad.

“Yeah, that’s it. I just wanted to say that I – I’m proud of you.” Roy grabbed both of Danny’s hands. “I really am.” He leaned in to kiss Danny on the cheek. He lingered longer than usual, but Danny wrote it off on the alcohol again.

Danny smiled. “Well thanks, Dad. Goodnight!” He meant it as a joke, but he got the distinct feeling Roy didn’t take it that way. Roy squeezed his hands – just like he had with his knee, all those weeks ago – and went back to his room.

Laying in bed and trying to sleep, Danny found himself confused. Why was Roy so weird at the end of the night, almost like he was sad or in a bad mood?

Again, this would remain a mystery to Danny for longer than he was proud to admit. He was never as perceptive as he thought he was.

#adore delano #bianca del rio #biadore #say you won't let go #fucking awful #rpdr fanfiction #submission #sywlg #canon compliant

93 notes · View notes