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helloskbitrash · 5 years

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...This is something I haven’t done in a while...but I found a story I wrote a long time ago, back when I was actually writing aus for this blog, and have decided that after a bit of very light editing for spelling/grammar mistakes that were super obvious I am going to post it...........So here it is.....

Its not anything special and it’s over a year old so pls be nice

Dreams, that’s how this all started. A stupid dream dreamt by a stupid boy.

“Mommy, can we go visit Nana?” I asked, I wasn’t older than five when I began constantly asking my mother if we could visit my grandmother in Seoul, South Korea. I loved Seoul when I was younger. This love grew into an obsession as time went on. I can’t remember why I loved Seoul, I never made any friends when we were there. I was constantly made fun of because I didn’t look asian but my parents did. I didn’t know I was adopted at the time but that doesn’t matter.

“No,” Mom would say back for the twentieth time that day. “Nana is very busy and you have school.”

“I don’t wanna go to school,” I would fire back. This would be the hourly routine until summer break. My parents hated it especially when I got my siblings in on it. As I got older I started to take a liking to the music of Korea. My next door neighbor did too. We had been friends since my family moved in. He was the only real friend I had other than my siblings.

“What do you mean?” Tears were spilling down my cheeks. I couldn’t look him in the eye. We were 18, getting ready to head to college or so I thought.

“I’m moving to Seoul to start training,” He reached toward me to pull me into a hug.

“No, Josh, I don’t want your hug.” I pull back and shake his hand off me. We stand there in silence as I cry.

“I’m so-”

“Don’t apologize.”

“Aria, pl-”

“What part of ‘don’t apologize’ do you not understand?” I sigh and wipe the tears from my eyes. “Josh, we promised to go to the same school until we both graduated college. Did you forget that promise?” I wait for a reply that never comes. “Whatever, go to Seoul, train, become an idol, I don’t care what you do anymore. Just promise me one thing, Josh.”

“Anything.”

“Forget me, forget everything I’ve ever said to you, every promise we’ve ever made. Forget us,” I quickly turn and run to my house. I won’t let him see me cry anymore. It’s his stupid dream, he should live it without me holding him back.

~~~

Dragons, something I never would have thought about before college. I hated fantasy and legends, but college changed that. I never graduated but I went long enough to develop this new obsession. I would draw and paint dragons everyday. I sold some of my works to pay my parents. I couldn’t afford to live anywhere else. We still lived next to Josh’s parents. I avoided them as much as possible but there was always Sunday. Mom and Dad would invite the Hongs over for lunch after church. I would always hear about how Josh was doing. I hated hearing of his group, Seventeen. I began writing songs soon after my first Sunday back. As much as I wanted to fool myself into thinking I didn’t miss him there was still the hurt. He broke the promise we made to each other but most of all he broke my heart.

One Sunday the Hongs didn’t come over for lunch. Mom told me they were going over to the Hong’s house and I had to come with. My younger sister, Erin, had to go as well so i figured it wouldn’t be too bad. I took my notebook with me, planning to ignore everyone and write a few lyrics.

Sunday lunch at the Hong’s house was no different than at my parents, except Josh was visiting. I avoided talking to him I wouldn’t even look at him. I stayed quiet until he excused himself to make a Skype call. I excused myself as well and followed him. The voices I heard surprised me. I expected him to have called a girl but there were many male voices coming from the room. I didn’t stay long enough to hear what they were saying, nor did I want to try out my rusty Korean.

~~~

After Josh went back to Seoul, I developed an addiction. I wasn’t addicted to any drug, I was addicted to music. I spent all my time writing, composing, singing and dancing to music. I listened to Seventeen religiously; learned every dance. I found a way to stop the pain I felt from him leaving. There was one thing that bothered me, had he kept the promise from that last day? It seemed like he did when he visited.

Erin would talk to him regularly. I would listen to their conversations. I never heard my name mentioned, but I had to know. I missed him too much. I began to not eat, too engrossed in my addiction to pay any mind to basic needs like food and sleep. The signs showed, my cheeks hollowed, my eyes grew dark, I thinned. Erin noticed, she took care of me. Brought me food when I wouldn’t leave my room, made me sleep when I couldn’t write. I stopped listening to her conversations with Josh. Slowly, as she cared for me, I began to forget. I went back to my dragons.

~~~

Fog clouded my mind when Mom sent me to live with Nana. Mom told me some entertainment company in Seoul wanted me to help one of their groups write their songs. I had almost forgotten about Josh and Seventeen when I walked into the Pledis building. I was introduced to the composer I would be working with. He wasn’t much taller than me and had a cute face. I introduced myself to him the way Nana had taught me when I was younger. I had been practicing my Korean again and would say I had regained my fluency.

The man introduced himself as Lee Jihoon, but told me to call him Woozi. The name seemed familiar to me but due to the fog in my mind I couldn’t place him. He showed me to the practice room he shared with his group. All twelve of the others were there practicing a new dance. When Woozi and I walked in they stopped and faced us. One by one they introduced themselves, except for one. He stared at me, eyes wide and mouth open. Tears filled his eyes as I slowly recognized him.

“Josh,” the name quietly escaped my lips as I ran to him. We hugged for the first time in years. I felt him bury his face in my neck as we hugged. I cried, I tried to hold back but the relief of seeing him and knowing he hadn’t kept the promise broke me.

“I missed you,” he whispered against my skin. I pulled out of the hug enough to see his face. Tears were streaming down his face as well as mine. We only broke apart when someone cleared their throat behind me.

“You two know each other?” Vernon asked. The other twelve looked utterly confused at Josh and I.

“We were friends back in LA,” Josh said.

“Wait, this is the girl you said broke your heart before you moved here?” This time it was Jeonghan to speak.

“She’s prettier than you said,” Jun mumbled. He didn’t expect anyone to hear him.

“Jun, could you tone it down for two minutes?” Josh asks while pulling me closer. I smile and look down, I really missed this.

“Hey, we can get to know Aria more later,” S.Coups says as he stares at the others. “We all have a dance to learn.”

~~~

Dread fills me as the boys get ready to go on stage. This is the first performance of the song I helped write. My mind is filled with questions each one making me more anxious than the last.

“Relax, Aria,” Vernon whispers as he places a hand on my arm. I look up at him and smile.

“I can’t help but worry. Unlike you and the others I don’t have a reason to hide it,” I look down at my hands trying to stop them from shaking. Hands then snake around my waist and a chin in placed on my shoulder. I stiffen slightly, still not used to the skinship.

“The Carats are going to love the song,” Jun murmurs so only I can hear. His low comforting voice helps me relax a bit and I lean my head back. I look over to Josh who is glaring at Jun and giggle a bit. “See, I can always make you smile genuinely.”

“I didn’t giggle at you, Jun,” I pull away from him and turn to face him. “Josh just looked like he was going to kill you.”

“And you thought that was funny?” Jun pouts and crosses his arms.

“Jun, we gotta go on stage,” Hoshi calls Jun before following the rest of the boys. I motion for him to go and give him the sign for ‘I love you’ in ASL. He signs it back to me before running on stage with the rest of the boys.

~~~

Fear courses through me. He said he has a crush on me while live. He told millions of fans he likes the producer who helps them. The fans don’t see me often. They don’t know me like they know the boys. Fans don’t treat the girlfriends of their idols well. They send hate and horrible things to the people they think might take their idols away.

I begin shaking while stood next to one of the boys’ managers. I can’t believe he would let that slip. I’ve known he likes me for years but I didn’t think he would ever say it in front of others.

“Don’t worry, the company will treat you like one of the idols. We will do our best to protect you.” The manage whispers into my ear. I nod in response not trusting my voice at this moment.

~~~

Jewelry. A simple necklace now and a promise of an expensive ring later. Josh and I started dating almost 3 years ago today and he bought me a heart lock necklace. Once it’s around my neck he pulls out his matching necklace: a heart key. Seventeen had just finished their most recent world tour and Josh promised to spend every second of the break they got with me. The past three years have been the best of my life.

“Two more years and I’ll be yours forever.” Josh says, his smile never leaving his lips. “Two more years then I can ask you to be my wife.”

“Why not just ask now? We want to spend our lives together so why wait?” I grab onto his hand to pull him toward the door. We are supposed to be in the park for a picnic but he’s been dallying for a while.

“I remember making a promise 13 years ago that if we dated I would wait five years before I asked you to marry me.”

“Josh, I am giving you permission to break that promise.” I stop us long enough to pull him down into a kiss. “I don’t want to wait any longer.”

~~~

Coffee shops are our favorite place for dates. We can get a small table at the back of the shop and just sit there. I usually bring my laptop with me so I can work in our silences. Josh helps me sometimes but mostly he just stares at me as I work. We’ve been married for 2 years now and there hasn’t been a single regret yet.

“What do you think about kids?” Josh asks out of the blue one day.

“I think it’s about time we have one,” I say back.

“Next break I get we’re going to try our hardest.” He smiles and lifts my chin so I have to look away from my computer.

“You know we have to adopt.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t forget for a bit and try.”

Conversation drops then and we just smile at each other for the remaining hour we stay at the shop.

~~~

“Stars are infinite in the universe and if you were to try to count them all it still wouldn’t add up to how much I love you.” Josh whispers one night after he gets home. It was late and I had gone to bed already but woke up when he entered the house. A sleepy smile appears on my lips as he crawls into bed and cuddles up next to me. We fall asleep in each others arms.

~~~

Hand holding never gets old. Josh loves to grab onto my hand when we go through the crowds that gather outside any building Seventeen has a schedule at. I’ve become a stay at home wife, spending my time crafting things for the fans. Special little gifts that the boys add a personal touch to once I’m done. Josh helps on his breaks, or sits me in his lap so he can hold my hands in his as I work and he practices his parts of songs.

~~~

Insults are one thing when they come from anonymous people online they’re different when they come out of the mouth of the person you trust most.

“I should have kept that promise. I should have forgotten you!” Josh yells through the bathroom door. “Would have made my life so much easier!”

The tears don’t stop. I resign myself to packing my things and leaving while he’s at practice the next day. After all, he’s right, his life would be easier without me.

~~~

It takes one spark to start a fire that destroys everything. Josh sent that spark into the waiting bonfire and now there is no stopping the flames. My heart burns for the way things used to be. Wants to go back to the days in LA before he decided to come to Korea. Before our first real fight.

There’s no going back though. The fire has destroyed what we once had. Josh moved back in with some of the boys and left the house to me. It’s too big for one person. The halls are too quiet for me so I fill them with the sounds of my sobs.

~~~

Josh never collected his things and I never touched them. I like the small reminders of him. I miss him everyday even now years after he left. The fans seemed to have forgotten me and I lost all contact with the rest of the boys when he left.

~~~

The bed still feel empty. I sleep on Josh’s side of the bed most nights. I’ve been watching the news like I used to before I came to Korea. I saw that Josh remarried and is happy with a couple kids. I’m happy he was able to move on.

~~~

Alone is how I live the rest of my life. I never date again. I spend my days obsessing over Seventeen like before until the day there is a knock on my door with a teary eyed Josh and two crying children on the other side.

#fanfic #Seventeen #Josh #OC #Idk why I wrote this

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