#pay off my car obvs i forgot lmao

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

yknow, I really HATE the snide comments on posts about older learner or P plate drivers, here in aus, when they get into accident by simple error. like the other day, I saw a news story about a P plater who accidentally flipped their car onto its roof, while trying to practice parking at a busy beach (bc it was during a hot day).

however, no one had any like empathy or sympathy for the person, who was 30, apparently. "oh. they're a 30 YEAR OLD P PLATER????? that says it ALL doesn't it??? maybe don't be a deadbeat and get your licence earlier???" and "who can't park at a busy beach during a hot day???? did they NOT learn how to park at all during driving lessons??? take their licence away, they don't deserve to drive ever again!!!!" or "who the hell is a P plater AT 30??? get with the times and get your licence as a teen like a normal person!!!! so you're NOT a burden to everyone else!!!"

like im still to read the article. but I feel so much for this person. I only got my Ps in 2019.... at 23/24. I only got off my Ps last november (2022), at 27. I've talked on many posts about my struggles around getting my licence (ie too much anxiety and depression in 2011 and late high school- the perceived "only right time"- to go for my Ls and Ps) and troubles with driving teachers and uni and me having to pay for ALL of my lessons out of own pocket.... and also my parent never wanting to teach me.... bc I was too anxious for them as well, so you might as well just push all off on a driving school anyway.

so yeah me getting my licence was a fucking mess. I HATED myself for getting it so late etc etc. but even on my full licence, earlier this year, i made a stupid asf error right before I left my old job.

basically, a week before I left that job, I had a MASSIVE crash in my works private parking lot. I went up the ramp to the upper level for shade, bc it was a hot day and my car would be cooler at the end of the day (not by much, obvs, but a bit) than me parking on the bottom floor, away from everyone in the sun).... I accidentally scraped on side of my car on one of the concrete pillars. I panicked, stupidly really. what's a little dent on my car??? lmao. anyway. I reversed out of those pillars, trying to fix the position of my car. however, in doing that, I accidentally pressed the accelerator and went zooming (low speed but downhill, terrible combination) down the ramp, and smashed my entire back window, boot (trunk, for americans) and a bit of the right side panel of my car (which the repairs were kind enough to replace the entirety of actually).... also they had to bc thag entire back tyre was ripped off. my exhaust was leaking too.

obvs my old work sent me home that day (thank FUCK) , and I had a hire car through my insurance for nearly 3 months. I got landed with an extra $400 excess for being an "inexperienced driver" bc I'd only had my full licence for 5 months at that point, instead of 2 years. but it's just that easy to make a dumb fuckup mistake.

and no, when it came to learning how to park with both my parent and the driving school.... I didn't get much time learn. I did like 10 mins in one lesson with the driving school on actual parking in a parking lot.... bc that shit didn't matter in the P plate test... only the stupid asf kerb side reverse park (or whatever the fuck it's called) got assessed in the test.... and I fucking resented that SO MUCH.... bc it's the part I ALWAYS forgot the steps to and always did in like 20 steps, instead of the required 3 to 5. the end of test parking in the spot at service nsw (ie the dmv in my state of aus) doesn't get marked.

my parent just straight up refused to teach me parking (and pretty esp the curb side tbh). instead, they tried to tell me that middle-aged american and canadian men (most usually... and none of them were driving instructors- just randos) with go pros were a better resource to learn parking from.... when like THEY DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FUCKING ROAD TO AUSTRALIA????? "all you have to do is watch that video before we go put to practice and swap it around in your head??? it's that easy!" no it's not???? how the fuck am I meant to reverse the direction in my head???? it literally makes fuck all sense.

moreover, I feel like it's just australia's laziness on having resources for learner drivers. like not one aussie driving school, while I was trying to get my licence, had instructional videos on how to do a reverse park, how to park normally, and how to do parallels parking. there was ONE British guy. ONE. and not even from australia. everything else was flooded by americans and canadians. like guys, I like you. but trying to learn how to park from Brad in a Walmart parking lot in Texas or mark in Omaha in a walgreens parking lot.... or Tommy from Saskatchewan or Ben from Ontario, both videos from a Tim Horton's parking lot (sorry, it's the only canadian brand that I know lol).... who are all driving and parking from the right side of the road.... DOES NOT help a very confused and anxious learner driver in AUSTRALIA who DRIVES ON THE LEFT, with learning how to park safely or well. under stress, or just even normally for me, it was IMPOSSIBLE to swap the direction around mentally, as I was actively trying to learn to park.

but my point is, the age of the P plate driver has NOTHING to do with the fact that they accidentally flipped their car while trying to park in a stressful situation. they weren't lazy or a burden for getting their licence late. the situation i crashed my car in wasn't even stressful... I was just an anxious, almost sleepless mess at that old job. I accidentally freaked myself out by slightly scratching my car bc I have shit parking and direction skills in that particular parking lot.

my age, 27, and the person in the news story's age, 30 HAS NOTHING TO DO with driving ability and apparently "needing their licence taken off them." I was practically forced to get my licence and buy my car (eventually) to be better considered for jobs.... since NO ONE wants to hire someone without a car and licence these days. like I was so lucky my old job was right across from a bus stop and that they hired me using the bus.

every other place I tried basically automatically tossed me out in the application stage, when I dared to answer "I use public transport" or "I don't have access to my own vehicle." even though HR at my old work kept telling me that employers can't assess or discriminate against that. but they do, ashley, they do. and I KNOW... esp since I've always been interested in doing events. and doing events work is IMPOSSIBLE without a car due to wack ass hours. also, I actively got denied a marketing internship in business college in 2014. all bc the bus took an hour and a half, instead of 25 to 30 mins by car. so don't you dare tell me that workplaces don't discriminate towards lack of transportation (even if they can't say it directly to the applicant) bc some places definitely do.

so I imagine that the above, and the other obstacles I've mentioned in this post, are what probably led to this 30 year P plater getting their licence so late (unless of course they got downgraded bc they had road offences.... but idk bc I still haven't actually read the article lol). but assuming the best of the person in the story, it was an honest, anxious mistake to flip their car while trying to park that day at that beach... like, okay. it's obvs not a small mistake; bc they did flip their goddamned car upside down....

but in stress, you can make stupid ass mistakes, just like I did in march..... and imo that doesn't call for someone to LOSE THEIR LICENCE and be thoroughly condescended to.... all bc some fucking asshole on the internet is all fucking rude about "OH A 30 YO P PLATER???? THAT SAYS IT ALL!!!! they were too lazy to do this important thing YEARS AGO as a teenager, and now they're making our roads unsafe with this!!!! rescind their licence now!!! they're entirely unfit to drive! or at least go back to driving school, darling. so maybe you'll remember your mistakes of safety!!!"

like, brenda or quincey. I highly doubt you've NEVER made a mistake while driving??? or accidentally hit someone???? or maybe you'd be like the middle aged lady I accidentally hit back in july, who tried to force me to stand in a busy local highway intersection FOR AN HOUR ON THE PHONE witb my insurance to report.... so she had PHYSICAL PROOF that I'd done it... bc she was thoroughly convinced that I was lying that I had insurance bc (A.) I dont have an insurance card like she dod.... bc im sure that's a legacy thing, and I've only had my car for a year, so that meant to her that I was a LIAR.... and (B.) I'm young, so then that automatically means that I'm a liar and will never report to insurance that I'd fucked up.... then this woman had the gall to report the incident 3 DAYS LATER (I'm assuming).... after INSISTING I had to do it instantly in front of HER EYES only for truthful reporting all while saying "you BETTER get this FIXED for ME bc my husband has just died".

like thanks, geraldine. but at this point, I don't fucking care about your dead husband. just let me report this accident in peace AT HOME AWAY from you, breathing down my neck saying every 2 seconds that "young people ALWAYS lie to me... so YOU'RE A LIAR and will dupe me out of my deserved repairs. repair it FOR ME NOW! YOU BETTER DO IT WHILE I WATCH, OR YOU WILL RUN OFF ON ME!! I KNOW THIS!!!!" but anyway. I digress. my point is that the people commenting on age sound exactly this rude ass woman, insisting that the older age of the P plater in this story has everything to do with the accident, and NOTHING to do with stress and anxiety around driving.

like ok. I'll admit picking a busy time to practice parking, probs isn't the best decision. but also. if you don't practice parking at busy times EVER, you're just never going to go anywhere during peak busy periods of the day.... much like I do. I never go to the beach in summer bc I hate jockeying for spots. I wait til like 4 to 6 pm to go do some shopping bc then I have less chance of accidentally hitting someone (a car obvs) while backing out.... and am more likely to have an empty spot to drive straight into.

I purposely pick the emptier outside parking lot at one particular local shopping centre, all bc I know if I park like shit (ie accidentally park over half into another spot) I can just leave it like that, bc I have fuck all idea of how to correct it tbh. as long as no one parks RIGHT NEXT TO ME, I'm fine lmao. and that's a problem in summer, when it's like 45⁰C (like 100+⁰F).... so I should really try to park in the overly busy undercover parking, for respite, when i get back to my car. I actively avoid ever driving to sydney bc of this as well. I'll never be able to handle sydney suburbia driving.... let alone the whole ass different beast that is CBD sydney driving is (lol im driving straight into the harbour to avoid any type of city parking and parking fees etc).

anyway yeah. I just wish people had more empathy and sympathy these days when people have a kinda dumb accident like this..... instead of instantly calling for the person to lose their licence.... and also insisting that its all to do with someone getting their licence much later than the perceived "correct and proper" time of 16 to 19.

#life #about me #shut up ilona

[gaaaaaay]

Brain rot rant

Journaling is good for u right???

I'm so stressed out by literally everything all the time and simultaneously absurdly depressed and my brain just straight up doesn't work anymore anyway it's my day off and I'm hoping talking through my stressors and what I need to get done today might help. Please don't even read this lol

The thing is that these are tricky tasks for me because they involve making decisions I just don't feel ready to make lol

1.) Plan trip back home next week - four days to see everyone you know from your past life. Some of them are crazy though and tbh you'd rather just Not but you don't wanna be a total dick. You also have to drive your unregistered uninspected car up there for six hours and, assuming you make it there without breaking down or getting pulled over, sell it once you get there bc long story short your ex sucks and refuses to transfer the title of Your Goddamn Car. Also a bit of an oversight on your part not taking care of this sooner but you had no idea it would be an issue bc no one tells you how to deal with any of this shit life throws at u

2.) You're broke. that's not new really, you're just as broke as you've always been. You lent all your savings to your crazy even broker friend so she wouldn't be homeless and you're just praying she can pay u back soon. She's driving u nuts and being weirdly rude to the point where u want to cut her off but u need that money and honestly, u need a friend. Bummer! At least your debt is paid off I guess.

3.) JOBS!! Every spare minute I be stressing about jobs. That's right, we're switching narration styles rn. My current job sucks obv, it's minimum wage and is just enough to keep me afloat if I work enough hours to make me crazy, which is anything over like 20 hours tbh bc the workload/responsibilities/physical labor is a lot. There is v little management so when I'm training people and shit I have to make like executive decisions constantly and I was barely trained myself so obv the job isn't rocket science but there are no guidelines for anything and it's exhausting. This ain't my circus and I ain't getting paid enough to care about it tbh. Plus all the new ppl keep burning out quickly bc the job sucks. Anyway so with whatever's left of me I'm trying to find something better, some kind of office job or at least a new local job where I would probably do half the work.

-Have this event that I have to schedule for my current job that I've been putting off as long as possible bc I keep telling myself I'll be outta here in like a month. It's been rescheduled like four times for various reasons lol. I don't wanna go!!!

-I should be hearing back from one local job today or tomorrow and they're probably gonna hire me and then I have to Decide!!! Agh!!! This job will probably be more socially stressful but is SO close to home and I know that walking to work rn will ease my anxiety a lot for some reason.

-i have to send my schedule to this other local job and I totally forgot I was going on vacation next weekend bc time is flying by and I'm taking it day by day. Ack!! I also just feel weird about this job I can't tell why exactly. Email will read: Dear job, sorry I don't look at calendars I guess!!

-this job in the city has reached out to me twice so I should really respond today but it pays only slightly more than my current job and is part time, so who knows what that means. Is it even worth it?? Can I even afford to be picky after a year long extremely discouraging job search??

-no word from last week's interview, probably bc I couldn't convince them or myself that I'd be happy there tbh oops.

Just wanna crawl into bed, not have to talk to a soul, and then die lmao!!

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Diego

Edie: Aygo! I got a pitch, you buying? Diego: give me more to go on Edie: oh yea, you too young to know how it usually goes on casting couches, my bad lil homie Edie: you got any super 8 atm? Diego: Can get some Diego: a day or two? Edie: what u gotta clear ur schedule big man Edie: u on ur business boi respect Edie: well, i think we could do most of it in a day buuuuuuut i gotta secure a car to trash and i haven't convinced iggy he don't need that fuckin' hippie van so that'll be another day as and when, ye? Diego: I can give you that Diego: on your own with the car situ Edie: ye ye ye i won't get u in the shit Edie: what kinda big sister would i be?! Edie: but, similar vein, don't tell mum and dad where we shooting okay Edie: you'll be safe with me but they'd never sign off on it ya feel Diego: understood Diego: where we going? Edie: don't u like surprises? 😜 Diego: hard no Diego: get a car that goes so we can store the equipment before killing it I'd like that Edie: What about ones you can't hear, better or worse? cos I've got some fireworks that might be cool Edie: you don't like surprises but you wanna DIE Edie: boi i can't drive! Edie: I'll see if I can get someone to take us but if not, hitch ur wagon to my pushbike Edie: just like old times n'awwh Diego: I'll steer you do the pedals Diego: fireworks smell bad but I won't do fart jokes if you want the colours Edie: if we find a motor that runs Edie: know there's one that the O'Dwyer lads left under that dodgy underpass Edie: but I say we got only so long 'fore that's completely fucked/burned out Edie: time's a wasting boyo Diego: Can be ready day after tomorrow if you are Edie: not a cult classic but how you rate it? jake's usually a fittie but he's pretty dorky in that Diego: the special effects were bomb for the era Diego: I can give you the same commercial success with my skills Edie: dope 💎 Edie: i'll storyboard lowkey for u but i'm happy for it to be mostly in the moment real shit Edie: u can use editing magic after if ur so inclined lil dude Diego: send me the song Diego: I'll get a feel Edie: hoe u best hop on my soundcloud rn Edie: gimme them listens Edie: EDieM as you clearly forgot 😤 Edie: newest track on there Diego: I remembered how to sign it, giving you that promo to my friends, but yeah Diego: confusion Diego: you're you're name sign to me Edie: 🙌 ayo, jokes aside about being a musician with a load of deaf fans Edie: always amping that bass up so should be feeling it literal Diego: capitalise Diego: nobody else is Diego: take the silent disco concept and make it fresh Edie: 💸💸💸 Edie: i'm into it Edie: fuck the mainstream, making music for the kids at places like ur school n mine n all the other's who a lil fucked up Diego: Put that into your storyboard Edie: 😏 Edie: mightbebreakingintomyschool Edie: itseasyandriskfreedoneitbefore Edie: hey, d'ya reckon we could get our hands on some hearing aids and shit Edie: not about to suggest we break into your school, more to nick=not worth it Diego: Old people's home? Edie: yassss Edie: shame our grandparents are young as shit and we love 'em enough not to do it to 'em Edie: i'll give 'em a free performance, they'd LOVE that Diego: ma has my baby stuff kept cos she loves me real deeply Diego: won't be enough but its a start Edie: 🙄 lowkey a hoarder Edie: imma make billie n her go round all the antique shops, keep an eye out for those real old school ear trumpets Edie: that'd be sick Diego: my teacher has one of those! ill ask if we can borrow it Diego: he loves showing it around Edie: 👏 i've got a vision so hard now Edie: u can ask if any of ur friends wanna be in it but we'll have to do that 'round here Edie: look like pied piper paedo taking too many of yous away on a jolly Edie: esp. with a 🎥 in tow Edie: lord help me Diego: I'll do seamless cuts Diego: there's a girl that NEEDS to be in it Edie: I see how it is Edie: ur REAL muse Edie: better not be too cute, stealing my shine Edie: i'm the ⭐ remember Diego: Understood Diego: She's a good singer if you do need backup Diego: [Sends her soundcloud] Edie: oooooookuuurrr lil mama Edie: i see u Edie: if she's down then we can make it happen sure Edie: get you your boo thang 😍 Diego: I'll ask Diego: don't out me Edie: gon' get all shy? Edie: use your director swag Edie: just don't get #metoo wid it, Tarantino, alright? Diego: She's shy Diego: and with that voice Edie: or playing it Edie: best be chill then lil one Diego: You think she's faking coy? Edie: meh, might be too young to know how Edie: but that's what girls do Diego: do you? Edie: i'm not telling u all my signature moves! Edie: depends Edie: lots of lads don't like it if a girl is funnier, more mouthy and opinionated than they are, if that's what you're after, then sure Edie: some boys want that at the start, so they can 'tame' you and have that on their ego, so you end up pretending later Edie: but you'll get it as you grow Diego: Everyone's thinking too hard Diego: I just like her, she's nice and funny and talented Edie: you sweet sweet child Edie: don't ever grow up k Edie: once u hit 10, 11, you'll be a right dickhead Edie: always happens, the girls usually a bit before 'cos we're always ahead of yous Diego: Are not! Diego: and I'll be sick when I'm older you mean Edie: are so! Edie: we'll see Edie: not in my experience but prove me wrong Diego: I'll be the first Diego: Be ready Edie: 😂 believe it when i see it Edie: guess Junie isn't so bad but that's 'cos he's gay Edie: its different Diego: He's not? Edie: oh yeah shh Edie: keep that under your hat Edie: deal with that one later Diego: more importantly Diego: half the school want to be in this Diego: they're telling me Edie: ✋ hahaha yes brotha Edie: can do so much more with a full cast Edie: i'll make sure its fun, even if they can't come for the illegal bits Edie: love these kids, so hype 😂 Diego: im loving the song Diego: Feeling it Edie: forreal? Edie: u can be brutal, my ego can take it 😉 Diego: don't need Diego: it's bomb Edie: knew u was my fave Edie: feel free to rub it in w the others Diego: They'll state me a liar Diego: but you're on to something with these beats and you need to be told Edie: i got ya back Edie: i'll start bein a real cunt to 'em sharpish, like Edie: no room for doubt lmao Edie: gotta when u gassin' me up so hard Diego: ulterior motives Diego: can I use some of the footage for school Diego: If it turns out it's one less essay Edie: 'course you can Edie: its probably not all gon' be sfw, don't need the 'rents saying i got u in shit as prev. mentioned, but the salvageable shots, go for your life Diego: I'll do extra editing don't want you in the same trouble Diego: I'm trying to film what we do much as the whole fam'll stand it Diego: personal project Edie: Fair 'nuff, fill your boots Edie: I ain't camera shy Edie: And Rio and Gracie can't pretend they are either Edie: always pouting looking like braindead fish 😂 Diego: Got a mountain of footage of them already Diego: Only been doing a few days sly Diego: I want Billie's vibe but I can't catch her Diego: Iggy same Edie: Shoulda known 😂 Edie: yeah good luck with the rest, either too busy for the fam or moody lil fuckers Edie: take ya pick Edie: self included usually obvs but you know, wanna do this music thing proper so Edie: got 🍀 kid Diego: arrgh Diego: facts Diego: I'll keep at it Diego: maybe I'll strike it with them Edie: get gus to round 'em up Edie: hard to say no to Diego: Now that's an idea Diego: Bound to work Edie: i'd pay for that energy Edie: i do 😂 Diego: hahahah Diego: put a price on it Edie: if i could bottle what he has i'd be laughing Edie: don't give a shit what nobody thinks man, what a cool kid Diego: his piss bottles itself some of the time Diego: you're there Edie: ya nastys Edie: secured a ride Edie: ur equip is welcome Edie: but i gotta go now, favour fo' favour Diego: I'm in too then Diego: don't do anything I wouldn't Edie: 👌 Edie: like i said, don't grow up Edie: need that childlike wonder for my vision Edie: catch you on the flipside mofo Diego: not in my plans Diego: enjoy yours

[medullah-oblongata]

April 30, 2017 - 9:39 AM

Okay so lately I have been kinda distant with him like unintentionally and I didn't realize it. And he called me out on it too asking if everything was alright or why I have attitude cuz I would give him one word responses. So I would say like nothing is wrong n stuff but then I had convo with raman a few days ago and told her that he thinks that and she was like it's probs cuz it's kicking in that you're coming home and u know u won't see him and stuff so ur scared and u want to end it. And I'm like hmm maybe but idk. So whatever but then I realized that I have been kinda mean. And so last week he called and asked if it was ok if he came to see me this weekend and I said no lol but obvs I wanted to see him. So today I was hanging with friends and then he msged and was like is it still a no? But then we were done hanging and I'm like no come. So he drives all the way out here but idk why I got distant again. But then he's like ok let's go do something so on our way to niagara there was this park near brock with like a bridge n shit lol and he knew about my fantasy of doing it in the forest anyway so we were just walking and talking about our issues and then I'm like let's go in deeper like off the path and he's like why?? With a look on his face and I'm like LOOOL no not cuz of that I just wanna see. But then we reached the end and I was like damn this is the perf spot. So yeah we did it LMAO. He was saying no but I'm like stop being a pussy no one will come. But yeah we heard a couple noises after a while so we had to stop just in case but it was fun LOL. But anyway after that we drove to niagara to walk around and eat. And yeah we like talked some more about our sitch and I was just like I think it's time for a reality check for the both of us, like if it hasn't worked it's never going to. And he was like no I have a feeling it will work. And then we had normal convos too. And then I went to go pee and he fricken pays for my dinner even tho he knows I always like to pay for myself. And yeah then we were driving home, he couldn't stay the night cuz he has a reception and soccer playoffs tomorrow, and he was just like idk super nice when I had an attitude and idk whyyyyy I got like that like fuck. But yeah then we came home and he was just gonna drop me off but I was like no park in visitor so I can say final goodbye. Then we had a convo in there but it lead to making out and then he did end up coming up for a bit lol but then after an hour he's like ok I gotta go for sure now. But then I was like ok nice knowing you and idk like he actually got sad and was like I don't think it's the end stop saying that and I'm like no man it has to be like it's just not going to work. And I wanna use this next month to get over him cuz then in June I'm already gonna be sad about leaving like I don't wanna be triple depressed. But yeah so I kinda ended it with him but idk if it's the right choice. He kept saying it wasn't the end and that he would still talk to me and I said no. And then when he was leaving I was trying to say proper goodbye (I was still in bed, he was putting on clothes and shoes) and then he's like okay lock your door and I'm like don't be mad. But he was just like I'm not mad but why would I be all smiling and happy when the girl I like wants to cut me off? Lol and I was like ok true and I let him go. But now idk like what the fuck is wrong with me. Why can't I just knowwww what to do?!?!? Oh rip and when we were leaving the park we saw an aux cord and he forgot his today and I'm like da f man wanted to jam to brown music. So we saw one there and I'm like I dare u to steal it. And he's like I dare u to steal it. Lmfao so I did but then we saw a car coming in and I thought someone might come back for it but they didn't so then we did a drive by steal lmao. And then at home he was like oh u can keep this and I'm like no I don't need it I use usb cord. And then he's like ok I will then, another memory of you to torture me LMAOOOOO - So the above is what I sent to my cousins after a weird day. He came over for like 6 hours and I just gave him so much attitude (except when we were doing it) and then over dinner and on our walk and in bed we talked about our issues. But he said to wait until vancouver so he can figure it out, and I kept saying I knew it wasnt going to work. He was so good with handling my attitude and still tried to make me laugh. He tried to make me stay and said we could make it work, even though we have nothing in common. But I just dont get it and he doesnt get it either, we’re confused. He also said he could see it working out and that he wants to be with me, but I was like I dont know, i feel like we’re both gonna feel trapped and unhappy if we continue with this, especially towards marriage. And he disagreed and said he would make me the happiest. I just didn’t agree. And then he said “fine just let me regret it for the rest of my life.” and I said no, that I thought it was and wanted it to be mutual. And he said it wasn’t the end and that he didn’t agree, but I still let him go. He kissed me on the forehead, too. Now I feel like shit, my friend said she was disappointed in me and that I was incredibly rude and evil, and so I said sorry to him and all he said was “it’s ok.” I don’t know if I should respond or not so im just not going to open it. I really need a sense of direction in my life, everything is a messs.

#PM