#passive aggressive silm titles >>>

[lendmyboyfriendahand]

Celebrian’s Champion

They were all gathered in Imlardis, discussing how to help Celebrian. It had become clear that no one could heal her in Middle Earth, and it was highly unlikely they could even keep her from fading.

So she had to sail. None of them particularly trusted the Valar, or the Valinorian elves, but the land had peace and strength in abundance.

If she survived the journey, which would be difficult as weak as she was. Celebrian did not wish to go alone and vulnerable to somewhere she knew no one, and none of those who cared for her liked the idea either. But they couldn't be spared. Thranduil and Elrond both had realms to watch over. Her parents had Lothlorien. Children should not have to care for their mother, and she would not Doom them to immortality for her sake. Glorfindel was suggested - the two of them were not close, but he was strong in spirit and would know his way around Valinor, and was deeply loyal to Elrond's house. But he had been sent by the Valar with a  mission, and no one was sure if this counted as fighting Sauron, or what the Valar might do to him for an early return.

On and on the argument went, with no conclusion being reached.

Thranduil spoke in a weary but clear voice, "Maglor."’

"I didn't say anything!" Maglor defended. Thranduil still held a grudge over Doriath, and Maglor generally tried to avoid being in the room with him. When it was unavoidable, he kept quiet to avoid causing political problems for Elrond.

"Maglor could go with Celebrian. He's strong enough and knows Valinor, and he has no particular purpose keeping him here."

Maglor blurted out his first reaction, "You'd trust me that much?"

"To keep your daughter-in-law safe, and you on an entirely different continent from the Greenwood? Yes."

Elrond asked, "Will the Valar even let him back?"

Galadriel said, "As a 'ringleader', I am allowed back if I repent. I see no reason why Maglor shouldn't be the same. He’s done worse than I have, but didn’t convince anyone else to leave."

Maglor protested, "I can't heal! I haven't been able to in millennia!"

"You wouldn't have to,” Elrond said. “I can start the healing with you as a sort of well, and Celebrian only needs to maintain enough strength to draw out buckets on her own, as it were."

"What about the entire population of Valinor? I think they all hate me for one reason or another."

Galadriel said, "Oh, surely not all, some of your father's sycophants must be alive by now." "We can declare him Celebrian's Champion,” Celeborn said. “That would keep him legally protected until Celebrian is recovered, and as a Sindarin and Telerin princess she is well entitled to one."

“That sounds like a reason for him to never let her properly heal, if doing so would mean his death.” Thranduil rebutted.

Galadriel replied, "A woman who is fading and may never see her children again if she loses life? A Feanorian will fight for her to the point of stupidity."

"It does grieve me that she will miss Legolas growing into an adult. Could we not use him as a well and have him remain here?"

"No,” Elrond said. “Firstly, it would cause significant pain to be a well for more than a few years, and I will not put my father through that. Secondly, I am not so skilled in healing as to know the hour at which he would fall; I may not know accurately the depths of Maglor's reserves until he has exhausted them. He needs strength to bring them both across the journey and some months in Valinor."

Thranduil replied, "Fine. If it will save Celebrian, the golodh kinslayer can steal another sacred Nelyarin tradition."

“Do I get any say in this at all?” Maglor asked plaintively.

“You do. I will not heal any who refuse treatment, nor will I bind you to a cause you do not choose. I would not command you to this even if I could. But I am asking, as I can see no other way for her to survive - or for you to survive your return to Tirion.”

Maglor sighed. “Alright, I will do it. But I would like a day or so to put my affairs in order, and send letters to those friends I will not see again.”

“Of course. Celebrian is not fading quickly, and it matters little whether you sail this week or next.”

#maglor #silm #silmarillion #my fic #tehhumi october #celebrian's champion #i write third age fic only for as long as it takes to shove everyone back to Valinor or other First Age politics #Celeborn and Thranduil are both passive aggressive around maglor but in different ways #Celeborn has not said a word directly to Maglor in several thousand years; instead he talks about Maglor like he's not here #but if Maglor brings up a good point Celeborn will pursue the line of reasoning as if someone else made it and then left the room #Thranduil insists on all royal titles and for all lesser issues refuses to admit he heard Maglor speak at all #if Maglor answers a question Thrdauil asked Thranduil will wait for someone else to repeat the answer #Celebrian at Redhorn pass #thranduil #celeborn #galadriel #elrond #yes this includes that persephone headcanon #Thranduil was 100% in favor of a plan where Celebrian is transferred to Finarfin or Finrod's care the moment she reaches the dock #and Maglor is thrown overboard at the last minute #fair warning that I expect this fic to be more focused on Maglor's interactions with Valinorian society than on Celebrian's recovery

[squirrelwrangler]

An accurate summary of chapter 8 of “Of Ingwë Ingweron”

(warning for profanity and flippancy)

A lot of Godly War is happening off screen, and y’all won’t see the explosions because canon says so. Pretend it’s epic and awesome.

Elwë pre-name change and pimp coat is the embodiment of “snuggle into my large bosom” only replace that with manly pecs and killer abs, because he is so very manly and protective and a good big bro. He is all like “I will fight the fucking sky if it dares attack my lil bros”. Also, Olwë drools in his sleep but Elwë is a good bro and doesn’t mention it.

Scene Change!

So Oromë leveled up the elves’ tech tree before he skedaddled. They had enough EX Points for bows and arrows - Beleg Strongbow is crazy OP with them. Metallurgy too, but since Oromë sucks at that, they only unlocked copper. Because Mahtan has ‘copper lover’ as his second name. Look, the author is using canon for this shit and not making up everything as they go. And here’s Finwë. He’s the dumb friend, btw. Mahtan is going to invent unpaid internship apprenticeship because Finwë is bored. Don’t worry, Finwë repays Mahtan by foisting his brat on him. The author cribs an artifact from a Time Team episode. Finwë wakes up and realizes politics are a thing, and involve conflict between leaders’ egos. Already we have the divide that will become the Avari versus Eldar. Also more foreshadowing that while Finwë just wants everyone to get along, his decisions are only going to further divide people.

Scene Change!

Oh fucking finally, the main character! And here’s why chapter eight is titled “Of Sheep” - wait it isn’t? “Of Shepherds”? What the fuck is “Of the Shielding of Cuiviénen”? Was that really the best they could come up with?

Ingwë hates sheep. He hates sheep. He really hates sheep, m’kay. Mind control is used to keep the sheep from killing themselves, the dumb bastards.

Ravennë (Ingwë’s future waifu) walks up in her fly-est outfit. The author might have accidentally implied that she’s topless. Ingwë is surprised when she sauntered up but tries to play it off like he’s cool. Ravennë says that Ingwë is a soft boy who would make a great baby daddy and look after her kids. Ingwë gets pissed off because of fragile masculinity and the insult to his parents and because he’s a stupid boy that misses the hint that she wants to bang him. Ravennë disses another Vanya as a shallow ho. Ingwë doesn’t get the hint that she’s telling him to stay away from hot but stupid self-absorbed ho’s. Then Ravennë brings up this other random dude (a peer of hers) and how he just got married. Anvils, Ingwë. And that to get political standing, respect, and power an elf needs to get married. Ravennë is passive-aggressively upset that her opinions aren’t listened to and she wants them to, Are you getting the hint yet, Ingwë? JFC! This isn’t that AU, but she still wants to jump your bones, you broody elf!

Scene Change!

The author wants you to know that they have read a lot about the domestication of dogs. Oh, summary? Okay, wolves that aren’t as afraid of humans aka elves are the direct ancestor of dogs. Domestication leads to physical changes like neo-natality. The OG Stark elves find little wolf puppies and we can’t have dead puppies. Not even Morgoth likes dead puppies. So that’s why Finwë was originally at Elwë’s crib for dog food and then the plot of Chapter 3 happened. Yeah that shit way back, who cares moving on. Here’s the Primitive Elvish vocabulary word for dog. Now Elwë notices big doggies patrolling and goes !!! Big Doggos aren’t big doggos but angels protecting us! Thank you angels! Have a fish!

And canon says it was invisible spirits that the elves never knew about, but fuck that says the author, there were big doggies.

Flash forward to the end-ish of the Lay of Leithian. Elu Thingol is drunk off his ass and having a deep bonding moment with Huan the Dog.

Scene Change!

Finwë and Uinen. Seriously? WTF did the author pick this from a random Silm character generator? Okay. Finwë wakes up in the middle of the night -if ya’know they had nights- and here’s Uinen. She looks like an aquatic version of the nymph from Fantasia 2000 and is giant goddess who tells Finwë, “So yeah….your home is toast. Cuiviénen is gonna disappear because that’s how it goes. Ya can’t go back to the Garden of Eden. And Fëanor’s return to the purity of Cuiviënen is exactly the fascist bullshit 101 of an idealist past to lead to social regeneration that it’s supposed to be. Sweet dreams, peace out.”

Chapter ends.

#silliness #authorial cliff notes