#pasha’s paw patrol

[britcision]

Was building out dnd NPCs with the barbarian yesterday and they were making their character’s grandfather in HeroForge with that very open kimono top

And they were struggling with what to put under/over it for the Aesthetic™️ so I just looked at them and said “well is he a thot”

And they said “oh no he can’t be a thot”

And I said “why not”

So now he’s a retired drag queen named Himbano and we made him special glowing eyeliner and our edgy tragic barbarian is getting bedazzled when we finally bring her home to meet him

#pasha’s paw patrol #big gay dnd problems #always ask yourself why you assumed anything

[ekwolfwood]

tumblr doesnt like me uploading media apparently, but in the spirit of sharing happy things from 2023, this is kinda like a little bts vid of the DnD shoot i did back in august

look!!! at that effect???? i could CRY its everything i wanted and the closest im going to get to my dnd boi's twilight vampire glow effect irl (its just. really the most fuckin expensive glitter but its SO WORTH IT i now own four pots of it). I am so happy with this shoot, it was so much fun and i got to be the sweetest, sparkliest little fae in the woods and scare the actual living daylights out of people :)

(their screams of actual shock/terror were delightful)

#my face #dnd cosplay #dnd #pashas paw patrol #housekeeping #video

[britcision]

Anyway literally 5/8 of the party have missing dads and only one of them had a SINGLE notion of what happened to him

(He has been located and gave the party cookies)

And

Well

I was chatting with 2 of our 5 and they were talking about their dads being in the Feywild

As a joke

I said “hey what if they’re in the same place”

Anyway 3 weeks later 3/5 missing dads are in the Polyamorous Dad Box, part of the hoard of a Dad Hoarding Dragon in the Feywild and I’m messaging our other 2

(Of the other 3 party members we have 2 definitively dead dads from tragic backstories and the bard who has 2 moms

Everyone else made m/f parents and we only have one cishet in the party I have commented upon this

And yeah we’re gonna try and scoop located dad into the dad squad too it’s gonna be great)

#and they were CELLMATES #ttrpg #big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol

[britcision]

So this is pretty much what it looks like when I’m world building with the partner

————

Partner: so I want Evil Tony Stark to have this magic painting of a door that opens into a dark little room to keep my boy in when he’s naughty or inconvenient

Me: oh yes very good. And it’s not like the frame is the door, you open the painting of the door into another dimension

Partner: yeah he’s gotta be able to take it away with him so he can have it on command 😈

Me: okay so how I think this works is he paints the room inside it first to make the interdimensional space, and then paints the door closed over it, so he can paint whatever he wants in the room 🤔

Partner: oh yeah that’s cool, so he can put furniture or a happy little tree in 😋

Me, suddenly vibrating: okay but no he actually paints a Happy Little Tree and it’s just a tree in the corner of this completely dark room that just giggles softly all the time 🫠

Partner: …. And we tell the party as a joke the first time about this old cell the boy was in with a happy lil tree 😏

Me: and then we don’t say anything for like 2 years and then one of them gets put in the dark room and they just hear giggling 🤩

————

Or

————

Partner: okay so Evil Tony Stark mostly uses constructs and stuff for servants so we’ll put the Robotery in the basement for those 🤖

Me: okay, and when y’all go back to the abandoned mansion do you want there to be one left behind? 🙂

Partner: fuck yeah and the boy knows all of them he loves little creatures (and the house mimics) 🥰

Me: and since the boy was intentionally left behind, this is probably a construct that was doing something related to him so it’s probably reasonably aesthetic, yea? Like feeding him or dressing him up? 😇

(The boy was being kept as a pet by Evil Tony Stark because he glows for Fey Reasons and was pretty literally a living sculpture for 11 years and they did not exactly worry about the “living” part much)

Partner: yeah, if Evil Tony Stark is gonna see it around it’s gotta be aesthetic ✨

Me: so you find this cute sweet little construct friend and then you go a little further into the room and just see hundreds of partially or fully deconstructed bodies of this exact little guy and most of them are just minorly different aesthetics because Evil Tony Stark just trashes them when he wants a new look

Also one is still just barely alive and that’s because it’s one of the ones with a person’s soul bound to it and they’ve just been cuddling in the dark for months since they were abandoned 🥰

————

This just happens in the winter okay I become Extremely Fucking Ominous for literally no reason and then it’s Horror Time

Most of our world building is him making cool and interesting places and characters and then me sneaking in sideways like “hey what if they’re also super fucked up 👀”

And to be fair he loves it and he always says yes please and helps me fuck them up more

Anyway we laid the groundwork for Lord Meldacio’s mansion today that the party are gonna get to in a couple weeks and I had so much fun this guy is the fucking bomb

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #lord meldacio #he was already such a bad guy #and then i got my nasty little fingers into his house #and now it’s a full psychological horror show xoxoxo #the party love my traps #they almost never kill anyone #they just… incapacitate you 🥰 until someone comes to get you 🥰 #edgelords always got some variations on ‘oh i was recreationally tortured i bet i recognise these tools’ #and then i gotta ask them ‘well did you have your skull opened for brain seasoning? can you still move independently?’ #and suddenly they are real quiet and very happy not to know what the tools are #i’m english okay we went to real torture dungeons in real castles on the weekend #if your evil cult wanted you physically capable of moving ever again it really limits the torture options #they also underestimate psychological horrors 🥰 #i live in constant pain. pain isn’t scary #and our edgelords are always so happy when i give them a lil spare psychological torture as a treat 🥰

[britcision]

OH AND ALSO

I FINALLY got to run my sexy evil power couple in dnd last night and our edgy barbarian badass player who has been trying to pretend the barbarian’s too cool for fear effects hid behind a fucking PILLOW the entire time they had to talk to them 😈

Did their fucking quietest shyest soft girl voice and fell into nervous giggling incoherence 3 times I knew I was right to make them hot and dominant 😈

KNEEL BEFORE LORD AND LADY NICHMAR

And the party still thinks they’re only human 😏

First baddie NPCs I put in that the party hasn’t immediately tried to step to despite being told they’re later game bosses

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #lord and lady nichmar

[britcision]

I have been possessed by demons

Listening back to the old MBMBAM for shits and giggles and that fucking woman who wanted to name her twins Jam and Ham

And then I was making some NPCs to be my lovely yuanti Yasmin’s baby cousins. Went looking for Persian names to match hers.

Hamidreza

Jamshid

These are very lovely names and very good for actual real people and they have such a fantastic sound ESPECIALLY for a yuanti they’re fantastic

But

I

I would have no choice

They would be Ham and Jam

And my partner threatened to throw things at me if I make canon twins Ham and Jam on his character’s potential love interests list

#big gay dnd problems #mbmbam #they’re still going in the world i just gotta hide em #pasha’s paw patrol

[britcision]

So we got the party into the Trapped Abandoned Mansion today

We told them many times, there are many traps, they are dangerous, be very careful

“Step where I step”, says their creepy friend

What do they do?

“I wanna snoop around”

“I’m gonna examine the bookshelf”

They got lucky a couple times cuz the bard knows where some of the traps are and warned them

And then they got cocky

And I asked them where they were searching super specifically

And they kept going

And the first trap they fully got hit by was one of the lethal ones

55 points of damage to half the party

Super traumatized, never touching anything again, barbarian swears not to rush into another room in the entire building, big scared

Fifteen minutes later

“What if I lick the wall can I find anything”

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #i had so much fun building this mansion #there are 70+ traps #most of them aren’t actually lethal they just have awful luck #can’t wait for them to find the boulder of doom #they’ve been warned so many times the owner is out of their level 7 ass league rn #he’s a level 17 boss fight #it may be beginning to sink in

[britcision]

Also I keep wanting to write but my goddamn players went and found me a wiki where I can put all my campaign stuff and also hide secrets from them and have the locations and the maps and the calendar and the timelines and upcoming quests and it’s going to take FOREVER to fill it all in

I’m not doing more than finishing the baddies list until they fill in their own characters though

I blatantly refuse to be the only person putting work into the world, the players are responsible for their own stories (and if they ask for help that counts as putting work in and we build together)

#pasha’s paw patrol #big gay dnd problems #it’s a real good site gang #‘s called kanka #and has really annoying ads on the free version but no $$ for them until the players use it too #also: shit optimization for mobile #but otherwise perfect so

[britcision]

So let me tell you what I did today

I went to go help our new player incorporate her story and work out what we’re doing since she’s fully joining the campaign

(We also worked out where to put BTS, they’re little pixie performers in the Feywild. Our baby rogue player tried to change their bias and was punished by constantly failing internet til they switched back)

Now, as is common in ttrpg around the world, our unintentional party theme is missing parents, and especially dads

(Siblings noticeably also all cursed)

And I mentioned to new player that our barbarian also has a missing dad that we know is in the Feywild somewhere, and since new player has two conveniently missing parents…

Clearly we got them together and they agreed hell yeah two dads one prison break, let’s put them in jail together

And clearly they have to be cell mates

And of course I said “there is only one bed” because you have to

Approval is mostly general thus far because one dad is a Bad Boy and one dad is a Himbo but if we all work together I just know by the end…

You and I can write a Dad Romance

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #i regret nothing #dad romance

[britcision]

“Came back wrong” but the thing she got wrong was she was supposed to be filled with rage or fear or sorrow but no her gay ass looked at the water monster drowning her and went

“Cute girl 😳”

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #my sweet sweet chilly #worst sylandine ever #her death emotion was just love #hopeless gay so bad she broke the magics

[britcision]

Anyway my real current OTP are the Nichmars, my creepy murder couple that are 1000% traumatizing the party

They’re the best couple you know

(They adore each other unequivocally and gas each other up 24/7)

They’re the worst couple you know

(Actual serial killers who sell information at the price “the most you would give” and it physically hurts to look her in the eyes)

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #the nichmars #lord and lady nichmar #they’re so fucked up #they terrify half the party every time they’re on screen #i’m obsessed with them

[britcision]

MY PHONE JUST TURNED ITSELF FULLY GODDAMN OFF RATHER THAN LET ME TELL YOU MY CRIMES

BUT FUCK YOU I TURNED IT BACK ON WE’RE DOING IT ANYWAY

Me out here casually writing Centaurworld canon into the dnd campaign cuz the bard wants to give his bite attack a 10’ range in exchange for becoming a Small creature and losing 5’ of movement

Adding Stretchy Neck Times to his personal Wild Magic Surge table, which OF COURSE means we add Handsome For 8 Seconds, Wobble Legs (he already has that he’s disabled), Shoot Tiny Versions Of Myself From My Hooves (Feet)

Which

Well

If he can shoot tiny versions, it means we have the question of what happens to those tiny versions of himself

Which means that Flat Dallas exists somewhere in the world now

(He’s not allowed Portal Tummy or Prehensile Eyes, he’s already an eldritch little girl)

And of course if he gets Stretchy Neck Times we’re gonna trigger his Roll For Spooky mechanic (he’s half fey, if he rolls good it gives everyone an uncanny valley moment cuz he’s a lil not-deer)

And since this will be in combat because he’s biting someone, if he rolls for spooky good we’re adding a fear effect

The person he bites gets disadvantage

Everyone who can see him has to fucking roll because he and only he is operating on cartoon physics on what to them is the real world

He is Reverse!Horse, not helped by the fact that he’s a magical girl in a party of edgelords, almost all of whom destroyed an entire village in their Tragic Backstories™️

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #centaurworld #ttrpg #but make it cursed #this was brought to you by us reading the onednd updates at 3am and deciding they’re lame #but you can be a Little Creature now (Small size) #and the bard is like 5’ tops so he wants to be Smol #and that means losing movement that he needs to get to people so he can bite them #UNLESS #unless we give him stretchy neck times

[britcision]

So we had more adventures with my favourite spooky terrifying power couple today!

Barbarian and Bard had to go see them for Bad Decisions reasons to see if they can help find Barbarian’s dad

We gave the party the rundown again

(These are bad and scary people, people who go see them come back Changed or are never seen again, You Are Level 6 Know Your Limits

They’re a free-floating boss fight that is not currently mandatory but every time the party sees them that could change, which we would then have to plot out behind the scenes

(I did not mention that they’re scaled to be the post-level-20 fight since we’re planning on keeping going that’s still a secret))

No sooner have we finished talking and the party is planning to break into their bedroom and break something cool

And I mean

I could gently discourage their level 6 asses from speed running the post boss fight

Or I could punish them for their hubris by letting them succeed in breaking in and finding the most fucking nauseating, cursed, awful love nest of all time

This couple’s core feature is not that they are The Actual Worst (that is a coincidence and a result of I Love Them), it is that they are OBSESSED with each other

Like, heart shaped bed

Like, plush red carpet strewn with rose petals

Like, every wall covered in pictures of each other

Like, in our fantasy pre-industrial revolution world their bedspread is a picture of them hugging

Like, both of their pillows each have a face on it

And it’s each others’ face so she sleeps on his and he sleeps on hers

And their faces on the pillows face in towards each other

I’m on a constant goal to inflict psychic damage in real life and every time I’ve played them so far the Barbarian has hidden behind a cushion every time she talks to them

They’re so fucking creepy and I love them so much and he is only a he because he got very confused by some butches when he arrived on the material plane and thought that to wife a lady he had to be a husband

He has since been corrected but It’s Fine he likes being a husband and he doesn’t care what anyone but his wife calls him

(She calls him Kitten)

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #look i just really love them #and when i love an npc #i do something terrible to them #he is related to the goddess of love they are the bad romance it’s so in character

[britcision]

Anyway I’m a big believer in natural consequences

Like, for example, our dear rogues today

Both of them were told, separately and together, that the party would be spending the night at the ruler’s manor to discuss a job in the morning

(Drow rogue’s player missed the last two sessions so he got lost during a dramatic fight and had to be recovered, so he was told separately that his friends would be back soon and they’d all stay the night)

And, well

Our dear halfling rogue also has the ADHD, and pretty regularly forgets important details like “sneak up those stairs to whisper what we saw to the party”

(He got to the top, forgot why he came, and yelled back down the stairs to ask what he was meant to be doing

I love him with every part of my soul he’s secretly my favourite

He’s also the one who decided to assert that the ranger isn’t fucking her dire wolf companion, not because no one was, but because he personally was fucking the dire wolf and he’s not sharing

He is not fucking the dire wolf there was no need for this)

So you can guess what happened right after halfling rogue found drow rogue once the rest of the party went to bed

Halfling explained 3-4 times that the rest of the party went back to their inn, in a city they teleported from

The other players made distressed noises and tried to correct him every single time

But the rogues were ass deep in Thee most generic schlocky “your needs are more important than mine” shounen ass scene of all time, and Did Not Listen

Partner’s leaning in beside me whispering to let them just get it done and then send them to bed

But you see

I also have ADHD

And I like natural consequences

And drow rogue in particular needs to learn to pay attention beyond their current YA trope of the day, we all know halfling rogue is doing his goddamn best but he’s also down to commit to the bit with me

Literally everyone in our 8-person party tried to correct them on where to go, including me twice

We had three separate scenes about people being shown to their rooms, or asking to be led to their rooms

We described the hallway and the wing in detail, the number of doors, that all but one of them would have their own rooms (because the drow rogue got left behind and the ruler didn’t see him)

My mercy has limits and my desire for crack does not

So they go, find someone to teleport them, and go back to the inn

And don’t notice til morning that none of their friends are here cuz they rolled garbage insight and assumed their roomie probably bunked with the others instead so they wouldn’t wake him

And then got a Sending-text from the warlock asking where the heck they are since they have a job to do

The cleric had to go collect them they wanted to walk after I told them it was a full day’s ride on horseback

(To be fair this might be because their horses are eldritch abominations that our halfling rogue is fucking terrified of and the party did witness them stomping a demon that nearly killed the barbarian to death the night before)

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #rip the rogues’ attention spans #natural consequences #if you don’t pay attention #the consequence is that i let you sit in your bad decisions #note: i do not expect this to help i’m just making it fun for me as well as them #if i just keep fixing it it never gets better #evidence: 4 years of play

[britcision]

Oh let me tell you about something REALLY funny that happened last session

So our dear religiously troubled rogue has finally decided that maybe his old cult wasn’t the best

This came about as he was trying to explain to the bard, a kidnapped child, why the cult kidnapping children was totally a good thing

He tried a couple times, stopped, and I watched the player’s brain go “fuck it it’s time” and just “okay this sounds really really bad actually the more I talk and I’m not sure why”

The party were lovely and supportive and now he’s having a whole crisis of morality because “what rules do you follow if not the One True God”

(I do still wonder if the player’s Going Through It)

Our cleric wasn’t there

So the rest of the party weighed in on religion, and this is where it got very very funny

Our dear barbarian did a whole spiel about not trusting religion and not wanting to live by firm, strict rules and not able to make your own choices, because all religions are definitely Like That, yup

And they had this interesting theological debate and I will swear to you at least half the rest of the party were sitting there between

“Barbarian you have been following one random guy’s firm rules without question your entire life”

And

“Our cleric is a drunken wastrel who does what he wants, when he wants, making up all the rules as he goes along with the enthusiastic and emphatic backing of his goddess the Moon Maiden. Strict religious rules whomst?”

And the best part is our cleric and our barbarian already have a very deep and dynamic relationship ever since she forgave him for accidentally throwing a zombie squirrel at her

He will ABSOLUTELY bully her mercilessly when he gets back

(Other religious party figures include one of our warlocks who follows Titania, goddess of magic whose rules are basically “don’t be a dick”

And the bard himself, whose mom is a paladin of the Raven Queen and was personally responsible for a divine edict that said “no you really don’t have to wear black to worship me I swear I don’t care, wear what you like”)

Anyway this is your regular reminder that while your religious trauma is valid not every religion is Christianity in a flavoured skin

Theirs is coming next session when our cleric hopefully returns and laughs at them both forever

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #finally we cult breaking

[britcision]

SO I TOLD Y’ALL MOTHERFUCKERS ABOUT MY PERFECT BEAUTIFUL SON HAVOC

And HeroForge has another update

With more FACES and SLIDERS to control facial features, and better clothes! So, obviously, I redid my boy (pics and crimes below the cut)

And the very most important thing to do was make sure all those new fancy facial features did not accidentally put one single brain cell behind his eyes

But see, what I also did was remake his partners (the gnome has gone genderfluid I do not make the rules)

(They are all my NPCs)

And while they are not being shown here they ARE all getting their own fancy dress up outfits, because HeroForge got some nicer fancy clothes

His girlfriend Eira got herself a nice suit because skirts in wheelchairs are not always great

His partner Ellywick got a fancy swishy dress to try and hamper their efforts to fight the fellow guests

And Havoc

My beautiful boy Havoc

Havoc is 7’ tall standing on flat feet.

And I gave his regular outfit up there assless chaps. You can’t tell easily, but I did and I know it.

His partners are either perma-sat in a wheelchair, or 3’ tall outright. And you KNOW they still absolutely took every chance available to put that gorgeous mountain of a man in heels, because HeroForge limits THEIR options to be thotty and also classy but godsdammit it will not limit Havoc!

So.

Well.

This happened.

And it started with the vest, because I demanded only the deepest v-neck and got sad when his arms were covered, I layered decals and everything.

And then. The fancier dressier assless chaps exist. But like. So do over the knee boots?

And. He looks so good.

And HeroForge allows POSES.

So, y’know. Fashion show?

And the other thing that it is Super Vitally Important for you guys to understand is that one of the minigames I made for the party is that occasionally they get to have a Dress Up Episode and go to very fancy parties, because the Bard was accidentally partially responsible for the development of the escort union by being kidnapped

(This only just came out they are all very upset and plotting to kill his kidnappers, along with the party)

The Bard has made it explicitly clear he’s not going home yet and will still be going to these parties, all his friends are there

But

This means…

There’s a reason for characters to be all fancied up in game.

And Havoc has a fancy outfit now.

And his mom the level 20 chaos warlock has to be invited to every single party or the criminal underworld has to live in fear that she might get offended and actually show up.

So fucking YES Havoc is going to the next fancy party to go see his cousin the Bard at work and meet all his lovely work friends and YES he is wearing that and YES he is immediately being invited up onto the escort dais to hang out and talk shop with the beautiful people

He’s beautiful and perfect and the party are going to fucking die and oh don’t tell them but the Bard’s kidnapper is also going to be there to be creepy and scare the shit out of the Bard and his whole thing is mind control But Havoc Has No Brains

Havoc’s so dumb he has a pet intellect devourer that they have taught to eat cheese because if it tried to eat Havoc’s thoughts it would starve to death

(Its name is Itty Bitty

Oh and Havoc’s party are the Itty Bitty Titty Committee

I introduced them as the IBTC and it took the Cleric about 3 minutes)

#fuck i have so many good dragons #pasha’s paw patrol #big gay dnd problems #havoc babinov #my beautiful boy #fashion show havoc