#our unnamed protagonist finds her idol and realizes he doesn’t compare to who she thought he was

[parttimecosmichorror]

Grabs you by the shoulders HUMMINGBIRD SALAMANDER BY JEFF VANDERMEER AND Y/N BY ESTHER YI ARE REALLY JUST THE SAME TYPE OF STORY IN DIFFERENT FONTS. THE RECKLESS AND RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF AN IDEAL, OF AN IDEA, OF A FRAGMENT OR A FIGMENT OF A PERSON WHO YOU SO EARNESTLY BELIEVE YOU KNOW. EVEN AS IT DESTROYS YOU. EVEN AS IT TEARS YOUR LIFE APART. AN ALMOST RELIGIOUS ZEAL FOR AN IDOL. THE SUDDEN DISAPPEARANCE OF THAT IDOL LEAVING MANY BROKEN OR OTHERWISE CHANGED IRREVERSIBLY. AN IMAGINATION OF AN IDYLLIC REALITY. UNRELIABILITY OF THOUGHT, OF MEMORY. A WOMAN REALIZING SHE NEVER LOVED THOSE WHO WERE CLOSE TO HER AS SOON AS SHE STARTS TO LOVE A CONCEPT. LOVING THE IDEA OF LOVING AN IDEA. DO YOU UNDERSTAND

#.txt #hummingbird salamander #guess i should come up with a tag for the esther yi book that doesn’t get mistaken for fanfiction writing #uhhhhhhh #maybe wse (why slash enn) #wse #anyways. drop suggestions for similar books if you have any #there’s something so mesmerizing about seeing a woman (or other protagonist) destroy themselves in pursuit of an idea that might not exist #wse to me is like a trainwreck in slow motion #it’s not horror (far from horror) but you feel dread building in you the whole time #you’re gripped in fear over Something happening #and then it never happens #our unnamed protagonist finds her idol and realizes he doesn’t compare to who she thought he was #it’s like watching a 20-car pileup play out in painstakingly slow motion and then suddenly resolve itself to a scratch #anticlimactic but weirdly cathartic nonetheless #‘jane’ acts similarly except she experiences real and active danger from people just like her #and she never meets silvina #only finds her body #i suppose moon might as well have been a body to the unnamed narrator #in fact he might have been more useful to her dead than alive #when he disappeared he might as well have died #just. god #those books did something to me #i need more books that will do something to me