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playgirlpontius · 2 years

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Random jackass furry au ideas for the crew

(Disclaimer: this isn't any x reader or romance bullshit hcs fuck that lmao)

PJ: he's sort of insecure bc he's a really skinny/scrawny bull/yak in comparison to the rest of his family 😞 but it's ok bc his stick boy swag makes up for it, he dulls his horns to protect ppl around him but even if they were sharpened he wouldn't hurt anyone, has broken/fractured his horns at least twice, the jackass skull n crutches logo is a skull of a bull with broken horns bc of him in this universe 💕

Bam: has broken his antlers SO many times... It's like always expected of him to show up and have broken antlers or some sort of fracture on his antlers, he sometimes decorates his antlers with emo looking flowers/plants if they aren't broken, he's a hybrid deer/bear mix bc April is a deer n Phil is a black bear 👍🏽 (has more deer features tho), very skittish and quick to scare

Chris: absolutely HATES being confused as a cheetah(a one way ticket to get beaten the fuck up by him), him and Ehren have beef bc they're both the spotted cats of the group and Chris feels he's better due to being one of the big 4 cats while Ehren isn't, Jaguars are one of the 4 big cats that can roar but he uses it sparingly bc everyone always asks him to and it gets annoying

Ryan: I think him PJ and Preston are the only prey-ish animals so the 3 of them bonded over that, sort of wished he wasn't a fish bc he thought being any other animal was cooler, very proud of his tail bc the rest of the guys don't have a cool fish tail lik he does 😎, usually has a lot of water around him for obvious hydration due to being a fish, makes a lot of merman jokes

Steve-O: sometimes wished he was a girl due to how female hyenas rank higher in society, raised around a lot of hyenas so is very invested in his own culture, extremely interested in other species cultures and learned a lot during wbz, randomly touches other ppl's dicks due to how hyenas show trustworthiness by allowing others to touch their dick and everyone thinks he's gay as hell for it, constantly laughing ofc

Ehren: was really shy at first but warmed up to the group pretty easily, a lot of tension between Chris bc the 2 of them r both spotted cats and often get mistaken for the other, part of his tail is scarred from a stunt he got hurt in, the fact that he can run really fast is used a lot in his stunts(they mostly try to scare him to see how fast he can run away 😭), can put up a fight against anyone trying to attack him(mostly Chris lol)

Dave: really chill guy, sensitive to bright lights and needs time to get used to the light bc ferrets have eyesight like that, very agile guy and is kinda like a slinky if you will, tail kind of fucked up at the end due to snowboarding accident(he and Ehren match but for different reasons), still the professional shitter but the implications r different bc ferrets shit to mark territory etc etc

Preston: one of those sheep with horns obvi, has broken his horns at least once, very sweet guy but obviously will fight back if provoked, PJ n him bond over being stereotypically farm animals lol, sheep have really good hearing so it's hard to prank him bc he'll hear u coming from a mile away

Wee man: I've decided he's a fennec fox for obvious reasons, originally he was a red fox but then I was like wait fennec foxes r perfect, radiates an indescribable happy vibe to him that just lights up the room tbh, naps a lot due to being nocturnal, bc he's really sneaky/walks very quietly he's usually the one scaring Ehren to see how fast he runs away LOLL

#jackass #steve-o #danger ehren #ehren mcghehey #dave england #johnny knoxville #pj clapp #chris pontius #jason acuña #wee man #preston lacy #ryan dunn #bam margera #furry au

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mrburnsnuclearpussy · 3 years

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If Data was an animal he’d be a capybara. He has the calm positive energy of one, and when you see him you are filled with extreme joy.

#Star Trek #it’s true #data #now I want to assign animals to them all #ok off the top of my head:#Geordi = koala or red panda #Troi = peafowl or secretary bird? some pretty bird anyway or a black cat #Picard = BALD eagle of course...or bingus...honestly there’s more but I can’t decide for this one #Worf = idk why but elk...they seem noble #Crusher = red fox? or wait maybe she is secretary bird instead #Riker = ...Labrador (I mean it in the best way lol) he is the only one who is social aha #Sisko = golden eagle or snow leopard?#Jadzia = some sort of corvid they’ve got the swag #Odo = ik he can turn into anything but personality wise? sea turtle #Julian = that one gibbon that was showing off by swinging really fast through the branches in that zoo - purely for that reason lol #or a cheetah? deer? this one is kinda hard #Kira = European robin. easy. small and sweet but filled with fury #Quark = a little fruit bat! mainly because I’ve seen bat ferengi art so it comes to mind #O’Brien = a ram...a very tired ram

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noname-friend · 3 years

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NCT Hybrid Au?

I dunno just felt like sharing what animals i think each member would be lol

Taeyong: (Grey) Wolf

-a pack animal, feels most safe surrounded by others

-playful yet protective

-probably the best at maintaining animalistic behaviors

Taeil: Koala

-loves a good snuggle

-can’t find him? Then he’s taking a nice nap in a tree probably

-doesn’t play much, usually too tired

-earned the nickname “old bear” because of that lol

Johnny: (White) Bengal Tiger

-how beautiful is he

-always turning heads

-rather large in both human and tiger form

-just kitty that likes some pets though

-give him a nice spot in the sun and he’s content

-does like a good jog or game as well

Yuta: (Ussuri) Bear

-Absolutely intimating upon first meetings

-even when he smiles, sometimes those large canines scare people

-really sweet and fun!

-truly a healing lad

-loves to give some bear hugs

Kun: Lion

-Another natural pack/pride animal

-enjoys leading

-always looks his best

-do not touch the mane

-chooses to watch rather than join

Doyoung: (Amur) Leopard or (New Zealand) Rabbit

-can’t decide to be basic or basic lmao

-He can be feisty like a rabbit

-but also seems to like to be alone like leopards

-either way he packs a punch (kick or bite lol)

-fast runner and good hider

-if he doesn’t want to be found you won’t find hiim

Ten: Kangaroo Mouse-

-I know I know, weird choice lol

-but these little lads are good runners and jumpers

-fast and small, like ten-

-sometimes sings in the middle of the night

-can’t help it, just an animal behavior

-no pets

Jaehyun: (Arctic) Wolf

-piercing eyes like no ones business

-not so much a leader as a fighter

-strong, loves to spar with Johnny

-happy growls

-likes pup/cubs/babies in general

-like his tail will wag every time

Winwin: Red Panda

-intimidation: -10

-pretty shy

-his tail is long than his body, which he’ll wrap himself in

-adored by everyone in the house

-might hide behind Jaehyun or Kun

Jungwoo: (Border Collie) Dog

-cuddles cuddles cuddles

-be his friend pls <3

-people pleaser

-loves to be a companion even if it’s just vibing on the couch

-absolutely loves pets and praise

Lucas: Jaguar

-beautiful and illusive

-be weary- he’s a pouncer

-despite being a big cat, likes to lay on laps so he might crush you

-it’s ok the big smile he gives you is worth it

-loves to play with Jungwoo in the yardd

-might play a little too rough with the smaller hybrids

Mark: Cheetah

-I couldn’t help myself

-easy to get to purr (fun fact: cheetahs purr :D)

-genuinely thought Johnny was just an albino cheetah so he wanted to get close to him

-eventually realized he was not but they still got close!

-often wrestles with Lucas for fun

Xiaojun:

-come back to

-head empty

Hendery: (Bengal) Cat

-This guy really stumped everyone when he joined the house

-thought he was a jaguar cub, Lucas wasn’t too happy about that

-it’s ok he’s a domestic house-cat so no issue

-Very pretty though, in both forms he’ll turn heads

-very playful but also kinda shy

-usually sticks to others he’s comfortable with

Renjun: (Fennec) Fox

-So soft and small and cute

-Not so cuddly

-Likes to steal socks just to be a nuisance

-very slippery as in it’s hard to catch him without just full on tackling him

-even then he might manage to get away

-has a cute little butterfly-like marking on his fox form nose

Jeno: (Samoyed) Dog

-Full of energy and smiles

-Yet also strangely chill

-good vibes all around

-part of the workout squad of hybrids

-also probably the smallest in that group, he keeps up though

Haechan: Puduu

-How can I not make him a Pudu? It suits him so well-

-If not a Pudu, a Grizzly Bear

-Him and Yuta would have some good ol bear matches in that case

- Either way, he loves berries, wild berries are just so sweet and good

-Kinda knows which berries are poisonous- sometimes

Jaemin: Caracal

-Caracal are one of those big cats that get along greet with doggos

-would you happen to know his best friend is Jeno the doge?

-in his human form, he seems like he’d be a rather big cat

-in his caracal form, he’s rather small (smaller than cheetahs)

-chilled and love to daydream

Yangyang: Ram

-ah be careful, he likes to headbutt

-no one else has the head strength or durability to headbutt him back

-usually a game of runaway from yangyang then

-sometimes the cats will give him a nice headbutt+nuzzle which is much gentler but he appreciates it anyways

-Maybe when Sungchan’s horns grow in he’ll want to

Shotaro: Bobcat

-would never imagine he was a predator

-nevermind a big cat and not a little domestic cat

-well he’s not a big big cat but still

-good climber

-does play like a house cat often though

-he likes the little sting toys lol

Sungchan: ( Caribou?) Deer

-big beautiful eyes like galaxies

-does get seasonal horns, he’s not full grown so they’re not full size nor hardness yet

-spooked rather easily

-though he’s pretty huge, the predators can overwhelm him often

-no fault of theirs, just an animal behavior

Chenle: Panda

-snacks all day

-usually lounging with Taeil

-comfy life

-most expensive - in sense of food

-usually inside playing video games though

Jisung: Hamster

-absolutely stuffs his cheeks when eating

-just a habit he can’t break

-him and Doyoung(bunny) share snacks all the time

-thinks it’s fun to scare the members

-but also gets scared easily

-because prey intsincts

-burrows sometimes, usually clothes and blankets usually

Yoo i figured out how to fit them all on 1 post! Nice! These are fun to do lol Let me know some suggestions for things I should write!

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rw8y-v4ul7-hun73r-15m5 · 3 years

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I have had ideas about poly jnr and also ruby adult life for a long while now so i figured i ought to write them down. (its also a little tied to a weird MHA au thingy, dunno why honestly but i know like 2 or 3 characters i put a lot of thought into and having “quirks” is apart of their characters) Jaune, Ren, and Nora all get married to each other soon or soon enough after all the plot is over and junk and they get a big house for a big family. Ruby (to me is ace and aro so no romance in her future) also wants to have a family and asks her good friend Jaune to be the donor. Jaune agrees with a big condition, Ruby lives with all of them because Jaune is defiantly raising his first child in a “two” parent household.

She moves in and all of them help with her pregnancy and Jaune and Ruby’s first born child is born, taking after her mothers side not decided on a name honestly. Not long after Nora also gets pregnant with twins. resulting in a 2 ish year age gap between the first tykes. One twin takes after Ren, who is named after her grandmother An Ren, and one takes after Nora and eventually Jaune, who was originally going to be named another norse name, but Nora and Jaune looked at him and back at each other and proclaimed him “Loki” for the mischievous smile the little babe had.

No other children are fleshed out yet but i feel like the family would continue to grow, ruby defiently has more than one kid, no more than 3. and Nora may have gotten pregnant a few more times. so big family. adoption of orphans young and old happen as well resulting in bigger family.

the Ruby’s and Jaunes first born eventually has a family and a grandson, also takes after Ruby’s side with black hair, silver eyes, and an affinity for red. he does lose both of his arms, cant decide if it was an accident or slightly on purpose. Resulting in him getting a regular prosthetic and another one that is tricked out with his weapon of choice. a scythe that is essentially 5 scythe blades the come together at their point, that also work as very long and stabby fingers, and his arm is also a gun, it either shots a giant bullet cause im a sucker for that, or is a machine gun.

also the grandson is also a bit of a druid and has animal friends, like a wolf-dog

Now onto the weird AU version of this for the children at least. cause it heavily affects the grandson and i dont want to give up the effect it has on the other children.

The grandsons “qurik” im just gunna call it his power, is very similar to dark shadow in MHA, but its a “not a deer” cryptid thing. looks like a deer with its face and antlers, but has wolf teeth, front claws not sure what animal. and if it grows large enough, cheetah back legs. this also influences the grandsons appearance to grow antlers in spring and lose them in fall, he had claws with his hands, and his legs are able to move very fast. he also covers his face when he doesnt have antlers for reasons of pride. he calls his power beast and gets along with it well. it can also grow larger by absorbing grimm, and goes back to normal using the silver eyes to cleanse itself. he can also use his silver eyes to regularly power up beast and make him very efficiently slaughter grimm, but no absorption. beast is more powerful using silver eyes or in darkness.

Loki’s semblance allows him to make illusions in the real world and if he concentrates enough they can actually interact with the world. his power can change the hardness/softness/stretchy/sharpness of an object and he uses a fancy scarf, maybe its more like an ascot? as a whip or sword, or anything he can fold it into.

Loki is also very mischievous but not evil and uses them for good, just likes his pranks and mayhem, like Nora and Jaune, cause they are very chaotic so their child is too. His sister is also mischievous but is able to control herself much better, a mix of nora and ren.

I honestly haven't given much thought about An Ren i want her to connect with her side of the family's history but nothing sounds good enough to make her not a copy of Ren or Nora, nothing sounds good.

Jaune, Ren and Nora also have quirks in this setting them apart from RWBY but its also kinda a jaune centered au at first so i feel cringy talking about it

#rwby #Jaune Arc #ruby rose #lie ren #nora valkyrie #poly jnr #JNR

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bixbythemartian · 5 years

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Hi! Im relatively new to your blog, found you thru the princess & warlock story today. Happy 1300! Prompt; cats are always meowing at (character). House cats stray cats friends' cats even that one time at the zoo. They figure hey, cats are just cute chatty little friends, but really they always had something important to say.

Thank you! Also, you accidentally picked one of my favorite things in the world to write about, so this got loooong.

Cats. Cats always chat at me. It’s been going on for most of a year. I have no idea why. Every stray cat I see has to walk up to me and chatter at me. It’s to the point where I carry kitty treats.

My friend, Tara, has three cats and they all have to come meow at me. Every time I come over. It’s a cacaphony of meowing for like five minutes. Tara says they’re usually pretty quiet, and they almost never meow unless, like, something’s up. (Sometimes ‘something’s up’ means ‘there’s a coat hanger on my favorite cushion’ because, well, cats.)

Maybe it’s a pheromone thing? Cats think I smell like someone they need to talk to? They’re pretty friendly.

(Sometimes I think they’re trying to cheer me up because my old cat, the General, passed away. It’s kind of nice and kind of sad to think about at the same time, so I don’t think about it too often.)

It’s kind of fun to go to the zoo. Cheetahs meow, did you know? It’s cute as heck! “Who’s the fastest land mammal?” “Meow. Meow!”

Tigers, uh, do not meow, honestly. I mean they are really big, like, chesty animals so they have a kind of deep growl, but they kind of... bellow at me? They yell. Tigers and Lions yell at me. It’s damn near human sounding.

The looks I get from zookeepers, I’m telling you.

And I swear at one point I had this bobcat, like, out of nowhere walk up and start meowing at me. I tell people about it and they’re like ‘yep, that’s our Ella’ but like seriously that was kind of a bowl quaking moment.

Like, regular house cats can mess you up if they lose their shit at you, and bobcats are fucking stacked, you know? They’re not, like, Lion big but they’re bigger than a lot of dogs, and when it comes right up to you and is like “hey” it is kind of frightening, let me tell you!

It was clearly friendly, which was super weird. It actually did that love rub thing on my ankles as I tried valiantly not to piss itself.

It kept talking to me!

I said “I’m sorry, cat friend, I don’t know what you’re saying,” and gave it cat treats. What else was I gonna do? It did accept my offering of treats and gave me a mildly reproachful look as it wandered off.

Cats, right?

Well, no, actually. This wasn’t a ‘cats, man’ type situation.

So I went to another friend. A... witchy friend, shall we say. She’s kinda weird but in a good way. She’s got a really normal apartment but there’s this one closet that locks that I’ve only ever glimpsed inside of.

Well, I went to her and told her what was up. She owed me a favor anyway, you know?

Well, I told her after her little tiny black cat, Squirt, got done talking to me.

The witch- she’s asked that I don’t name her, because of Reasons- nodded. “I noticed that,” she said. “I wondered if you’d ask me about it.”

“Do you know what’s going on?”

“No idea!” she said cheerfully, and unlocked the closet.

It was a storage closet? It had nothing weird inside. She dug around in it and pulled out a book, which she flipped through for a minute. It looked like a hand-written journal. “Okay, I think I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“Let you understand them. They’ve got something important to say, right?”

“Well, they seem to think so. I thought it was like, I dunno, a pheromone thing.”

“Yeah, that’s why came to me,” she said.

“Well... okay.”

“So we wanna facilitate interspecies communication, right? Do you have a cat?”

“Naw, not since the General died. I couldn’t...”

“Oh, yeah,” she said. “I gotcha. No, that’s fair.”

“Every stray cat in the neighborhood hunts me down.”

“Good, cause you’re not taking Squirt.’

I turned and looked at Squirt. “Hear that?”

“Maow,” Squirt replied.

I followed her to her kitchen, where she started pulling all the spices out of the cabinet.

“I thought all your witchy shit was in the closet.”

“All my valuable shit is in the closet. I’m a kitchen witch. Any allergies?”

“Latex?”

“Shouldn’t be an issue.” She mixed up a cup of tea, stirring. “It’s got a bit of a kick.”

“For real?”

“Try it.”

The tea was warm and floral at first, and then there was a sort of spiciness that was kind of floral as well? And then it kicked me in the back of the throat. I wheezed.

“I warned ya!”

“You did,” I wheezed.

“Drink past it, you’ll be okay.”

The next sip was easier, and tempered with honey. I finally drained it all down, the last drop was honey sweet, though my lips still burned.

“Okay, go for a walk and see what happens.”

“Is this how you do all your magic?”

“Yep! Let me know, I’m curious.”

“Kay,” I said, and let myself back out.

I walked down the street, and then found a side path towards the park, and headed that way.

A stray cat came up to me, and rubbed it’s head on my ankles.

“Oh, now you don’t talk?” I asked.

“We talk,” it said.

I jumped.

“You listen now,” it said.

“Okay, yeah.”

“Come with me,” it said.

“I’m coming, lead the way,” wondering what exactly the witch had put in that tea. It led me to the park, and to the wooded area behind it, through a path that must be mostly used by cats and deer, to a little clearing. Around the edge was a bunch of trash you’d expect in a little clearing near civilization- beer cans and condom wrappers and food trash- and also an absolute herd of friggin cats.

“Oh. Hey. Everybody.”

One tiny cat, maybe still a kitten, came from the back, dodging and weaving. “Hello,” it said. “You have learned that you understand.”

“Sure,” I said. “Seems like y’all had something important to say.”

“The General has traveled to his next life.”

“Yeah. Y’all knew him, huh?”

“It is hard, when an old friend leaves. You have had time to mourn, yes?”

“Yeah. Wait, you want me to get a new cat? That’s the important thing?”

“Yes. New friend. Now you can understand, and talk to us.”

“Why is that important?”

They all kind of looked around, and an old fluffy orange cat that looked something like a matted cushion limped forward. It stared at her, one eye gone milky with age. “My mistress is dying,” it said, simply. “She is the cat witch, the one we speak to. She is dying.”

“You can understand us.”

“We knew you could learn the words.”

“You must help us.”

“Okay, okay, I can’t- settle, please, I can’t understand when you talk at the same time. Okay. So you want me to get a cat and talk to y’all because you need a cat witch.”

“Yes,” the ancient marmalade cat said.

“Why do you need a cat witch?”

“Tis an ancient bargain we struck, when the world was younger. Cat witches speak to us, help us carry our culture. We are so shortlived, you can carry it longer. They learn our magic. We protect.”

“So... I should go to the animal shelter then. No offense, but I have friends and whatever magic lets me get along with y’all-”

“Most of us are not tame enough to live indoors, you are right,” a really big tom said. “We have not elected. It is a choice between you and your next friend.”

“Well, okay. Um, should I- do you want me to talk to your- your mistress?”

The marmalade cat preened. “Yes. I will lead you to her. It is not far, even for humans.” There was a little snickering, which I ignored.

I followed the marmalade cat to a little old lady’s house and knocked.

She immediately scooped up the purring old cat. “There she is, Miss Betsy! Oh, you found her!”

“Yeah.” I glanced at the hilariously named Miss Betsy, but Miss Betsy was too busy purring and drooling. I sighed. “She said I needed to talk to you about this cat witch thing,” I said.

“Oh good, they found one. Yes, come in. Come in. I just made some tea, would you like some?”

I mean, I could go on, but long story short I have a new cat and an old book. Pookie is really taking to the harness, we go for walks every day and talk to the neighborhood cats.

I try to talk to them about the dying songbird population but that’s... well, the progress hasn’t been great, honestly. I’ll keep chipping at it. I have gotten a few of them fixed, the ones who are tired of watching their kittens die. And I have taken in and fostered and rehomed so many kittens. Fortunately, stray cats are good at finding money. I don’t ask where it comes from, it’s probably better that way.

I’m trying to get my neighbors on the harnessed cat thing and that is going pretty well, actually, especially since I am pretty good at convincing cats to wear them long enough to get used to them. Also I kind of have a... rep, now.

So things are going as well as can be expected.

Let me tell you what, though, I am fucking pumped to go back to the zoo.

#celebration ficlets #cats and cats and cats and cats #THIS WAS SO MUCH FUCKING FUN TO WRITE #thewonderfulthingaboutfish

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thequeenofcronuts · 5 years

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Secret Santas Part 3

Series Catch up: Part 1 Part 2

Choices Book: The Royal Romance

Characters: TRR Gang (MC is Kristina. Mention of Chance)

Type: Fluff, Christmas time, Game

Word Count: Around 1,850

Join in the TRR Gang in this four part series as they have their first Secret Santa gift exchange. See if you can figure out who their Secret Santa is along side them!

A/N All characters are owned and the property of Pixelberry Studios. I just have fun with them!

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It was week two of the First Annual ‘Friend Holiday Fest Secret Santa Exchange’, and after the success of the first week everyone was extremely excited. Drake, of course, kept to himself while enjoying the fishing gear he had received, to mainly make sure no one really saw his enjoyment.

—————————————

It was a rare quiet evening for Liam as Kristina was at a charity event in Paris for two nights, and due to his schedule, he was unable to attend. Two nights for them, of course, would feel like a week. As Liam walks into their Royal Apartment he decides he will go to his study after feeding Chance and giving him a typhoon of scratches. But ignoring his full food bowl, Chance wiggles his way to sit at the front door. “Sorry buddy, it's a guys night.” Liam sighs knowing it was going to be a long one without his wife. As Liam tells Chance this, the little guy flops down with a sigh of his own and locks his eyes on the door. Liam decides to change into lounge pants and one of his tight fitted shirts Kristina’s loves him in, just to feel a little closer to her. Then makes his way to his study.

Looking at the time and knowing it would be a while before Kristina could video chat with him after the gala he decides to busy himself with the book he started the night before. He heads to pick up the book and sees on his desk an elegantly wrapped gift. A slight smile crosses his face as he thinks it will be from either his wife…or his Secret Santa. An anticipating joy lights his eyes as he walks toward the gift and sees it is, in fact, from his Secret Santa. He analyzes every aspect of the package. He picks it up to find it's moderately heavy for size of the box. Again the game is on and he will figure his who his Secret Santa is, he won't lose. Not that there technically is a winner or loser in this gift exchange, but the ever competitive Liam is competing with at least himself.

When he unwraps the item he sees a note, in Leo’s handwriting. Liam thinks to himself, Well done Secret Santa, using my brother as a way to throw me off the trail. The note simply says:

This gift is from 1945, Scotland. (Little brother you owe

me a drink since I’m playing the courier here.)

Be merry!

Liam opens a hinged wooden box delighted to find a bottle of Gordon & MacPhail single malt whiskey. A card form the bottler explains that this whiskey was bottled in 1945 during the Second World War when only a handful of distilleries where still producing at that time. This will be for a very special occasion. He says to himself.

—————————————

Everything in Kristina’s week has been busy with so many details getting the palace ready the upcoming Christmas Ball. Today she rushes from here to there, cutting it close to the time she needs to head to the airport to make it for the opening of the Charity Gala she is attending in Paris. She runs into her office to grab a few things and hears the the gentle cracklings of a dying fire in the fireplace. As she picks up the phone to let her assistant know the fire in her office needs to be taken care of when she notices a box on the mantle in the same green paper and red bow as her Secret Santa gift she received last week. She looks at her watch, looks at the gift, looks back at her watch and decides what the hell, the Royal Jet isn't going leave without her, might as well open the gift. She can't possibly wait until she get back, and doesn't want to take whatever it might be with her.

She runs to the package, grabs it off the mantle and tears into the paper. She unboxes a gorgeous carved wood mantle clock with the Cordonian Seal on its face. Again there is a note this time reading “Tick-Tock. Even time doesn't stop for queens.” As Kristina places the piece on the mantle to run out the door she notices the clock is set ten minutes ahead the actual time.

—————————————

A chill in the air makes Hana think of hot coca. This time of year she drinks a lot of her special hot coca, pretty much daily, and insists on making it herself. The kitchen staff obliges and has set aside a shelf just for all the implements she needs. At this time of year she likes to add a few extra peppermint sticks and an extra dollop of real whipped cream. It’s delicious, warm, and one on her happy foods. She stops by her room to pick up the portable speakers for her phone and heads to the kitchen. Christmas music is a must, basically 24/7, for her at this time of year, so she has music playing through the speakers while she gracefully hums along as she descends the staircase.

Once in the kitchen she sets up the phone and speakers and makes her way along cabinets to her shelves with all her hot coca tools. When she opens the door there is box the size of a shoebox wrapped in the same gold glittering wrapping paper with the matching gold glittered ribbon and bow as last week’s gift. She places the gift down on the counter and studies it just as she did her first gift. She admires the beauty and consistency of her Secret Santa’s packages.

She daintily unwraps the gift and sees a Louis Vuitton shoebox. She opens it to find an amazing pair of Louis Vuitton Night Bloom Pumps. The high-heeled pumps match the dress her Secret Santa gave her last week. The gold shoes have an exquisite, yet subtle, additional black brocade design. The fashionable shoes even have the “LV” initials in gold on the black outsole of the shoe which reveals the small detail when she walks. Hana puts them on immediately and they are perfect. She decides she should obviously break them in, so she makes her hot coca in her new shoes and imagines how perfectly they will match the gift of the golden dress she received last week.

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Drake is completely caught off guard as he see three incredibly large boxes in the back of his truck. He looks to make sure no one is around to see him as he enthusiastically jumps into the bed of the truck ready to see what this week's gifts are. His Secret Santa nailed it last week, and it wasn't even whiskey. Which he did miss, but was glad someone was actually paying attention to the other things in life he enjoyed.

He had already used the fishing gear twice, much to his enjoyment. While it was a bit hard for him to accept the idea of the fancy, expensive stuff, since he was a simple kinda of guy, he fell in love instantly with quality. So wearing a huge smile he checked out the packages. Again they were wrapped in simple brown paper and tied with twine. The largest box had a printed out message this week reading, “Brown paper packages tied up with string, here's a few more of your favorite things.”

He rips open the first box to reveal a top of the line queen sized air cot. No more sleeping bags on the rocky ground. With more excitement he tares open the next package to see an incredible tent he has been eyeing online that's not even out on the market yet. Now as he can barely contains his enthusiasm he attacks the paper of the third gift. A frickn’ screen room that fits the front of the tent. He sighs contentedly. While he is used to roughing it when he camps, this will be a nice change of pace for trips when he wants some comfort in his life.

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Olivia received another note this week from her Secret Santa to be at the boutique at 2pm on Wednesday. As she wears the bracelet she received last week and she can't help the smile that's across her face when she walks into an empty boutique. This time she doesn't wait and immediately begins to hunt her prey, until she discovers a package wrapped in the same red paper with a black bow as the last gift with the same note, “Yours truly. Secret Santa.”

She opens the package to find a straight off the runway Gucci fiery red satin clutch. The metal of the clasp of the purse and signature Gucci mark are midnight black. When she opens the purse to check it out she sees a note.

Fashion is a deadly weapon.

Wield it wisely.

Well, whoever this is appreciates fashion needed for going into battle as well as the power of the sword. she thinks to herself. Wearing a haughty grin Olivia knows she’ll be prepared for her battle against the unbridled cheer of her friends at the Christmas Ball.

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When Maxwell saw the wall of mirrors in the training room of the palace, including the sound system used to keep the workouts on track, inspiration hit him. It was the perfect spot to work on his smooth and undeniably amazing dance moves. He had to be kicked out on numerous occasions when people actually came to train and work out. So he had tried to talk Bertrand into adding a dance studio to their estate which he found out quickly was never going to happen.

Kristina and Liam had been doing a lot of training in the little spare time their schedules allowed, Maxwell shuddered as he didn't want to think what their definition of training was, but they always let him know when the room was free. After a pot of coffee, a few cheetah cakes, and a handful of chocolate he was bouncing off the walls, literally, whilst running up down the hall. While knocking into several staff members Bastien sent orders to make sure the training room was cleared, and if not to clear it due to an incoming disturbance.

When Maxwell barreled through the doors he saw a huge package in front of the mirrors wrapped in green wrapping paper with adorable deers all over. Before he knew what he was even doing he was at the box unwrapping it to find another box. He tore it open to find another box. He opens a ton of nesting boxes declaring that this gift was no match for his current caffeinated and sugar high state. Finally he reaches the last box, which is small and flat. He yells, “I infiltrate this fortress of boxes and take no prisoners. Well, except, this gift bestowed upon me by the lady of the lake.” When he opens the box he finds a crazy amount of gift cards to his favorite music download site. “Prepare the armory, a new arsenal of tunes is in my grasp!” After this final proclamation he passes out from the caffeine and sugar dump. The next person to enter the training room finds Maxwell asleep in a box with wrapping paper as a blanket and just turns around to walk out the door.

—————————————

Next week, Part 4 is the last week of gift giving. Do you, dear readers, have any guesses as to whose Secret Santa is whose yet?

Go here for Part 4

Series Tag: @jyreusser85

#trr gang #trr liam #trr drake #trr maxwell #trr mc #trr olivia #trr hana #the royal romamce fanfic #choices the royal romance #the royal romance fanfic

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jupiter-86 · 6 years

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Other stuff about my trip to Colorado:

Colorado is DRY.

Soooooooo dry compared to humid Indiana. The entire trip despite trying to stay constantly hydrated and moisturized my lips and hands were dry af. I could even feel the difference in the air. Also, my allergies worsened so much out there holy shit. I was constantly stuffed up and since the air was dry it made it worse. But on the plus side my skin was completely clear out there: no breakouts. It was awesome.

And Colorado is stunningly beautiful. You can see for miles and miles, so far that your sense of perspective gets warped out there in the plains and valleys. I’d see a house and it would look close to me, but tiny, and it confused my eyes because the house was actually normal-sized but very far away and it was hard to tell. You can never see so far in Indiana unless you find a really really high lookout point, and those are rare. Here you pretty much see fields and trees and lakes and the elevation doesn’t change drastically enough for you to see that far at once (with some very few exceptions).

Also the biodiversity/topography in Colorado is amazing. You can drive for an hour or two and go from rocky mountains with towering pines and aspens down to huge flat plains and then into rocky red desert with mesas and short stubby trees and cacti. It was incredible.

The altitude thing didn’t bother me much because I researched it first and we ascended as gradually as we could. I think most of the time we were at about 7-9000 ft, but at one point we were at 11 or 1200 I think. The only day I really noticed it effecting me was in Mesa Verde when I was climbing around in Cliff Palace-- I could tell I was way more winded than I should have been from that little exercise, and my heart was beating fast like I’d been sprinting. The heat was pretty bad, too, but I just kept drinking water and I was okay.

The dry heat thing itself was different, too. It kinda felt like I had a fever when I was out in it-- my body would flush hot like I was sick even though I wasn’t. It’s different than the suffocating, wet and thick heat of Indiana and that presses in on you.

Another thing about the air that was weird: in Colorado, you can be hot af in the sun but then when you go into an area that’s been shaded for a while it’s almost cold. The temperature just doesn’t stay as even as it does in Indiana-- my guess is because of the low humidity? The air or the ground or something doesn’t hold the same temperature for long. Also for most of the trip there were literally no clouds in the sky and it was so bright and sharp and I was like wtf.

The roads were crazy, too. The speed limit was 65 almost all the time lol. Tbh I kinda miss it now. Most of the roads here feel too slow now.

As for animals, with one exception I didn’t see any animals that I couldn’t also see in Indiana. I wanted to see a bear, mountain lion, mountain goat, moose, or elk but instead I saw a ton of whitetail deer (walking around town even) a small lizard, wild turkey, and a coyote. But out in the plains I saw a small herd of pronghorn, which I had never even heard of until I saw them. Apparently they’re the second fastest land mammal on earth, next to the cheetah, and the reason they’re so fast is because they evolved alongside the now extinct American cheetah and other fast, extinct predators from the Pleistocene. Very cool. Unfortunately I wasn’t fast enough to snap a picture of them!

The weirdest thing that happened on our trip was in Silverton (the town in the mountains we got to by train). My mom wanted to look at the American Legion for whatever reason and find out if it was open or not cuz it looked half-abandoned. She peeked in the window and there were people inside who waved us in. Turned out the legion was out of business but the building was being used for the wardrobe department of a movie shoot. It was bizarre. The guy who waved us in was really friendly and he excitedly pointed out the retro clothes and the old car out front and the other people working etc. and let us take pictures. Then we left and it was just so weird lmao. Nothing like this ever happens in Indiana, let me tell you.

Anyway the movie is called Freak Power: The Battle for Aspen, I guess? It’s based on a true story of something that happened in Aspen in the 60′s-70′s. It’s being directed by Bobby Kennedy III and has Nicholas Cage’s son in it, and Susan Sarandon I think. Just so weird lol.

#sorry i meant to post this sooner but i was so busy and tired after i got back #and then i got really sick #personal #colorado #mycoloradotrip

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thescholarlystrumpet · 7 years

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Hands On Rated Explicit

After a stressful day, Gold stopped into an unknown parlor for a massage, not realizing he had paid for a little “extra.” Embarrassed by the mistake, he takes his leave, but he can’t get his masseuse, Lacey, out of his head.

Lacey’s no fool. She knows that guys will lie to get what they want. But Mr. Gold is the kind of guy who doesn’t need to. So, what does he want with her?

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE PART FOUR PART FIVE PART SIX PART SEVEN PART EIGHT

Chapter 9 - A Night In Lacey makes dinner but Gold finds dessert much more satisfying.

On AO3 HERE

***

Lacey started at the sound of him knocking. She glanced at the clock. He was bang on time. Down to the minute. Which would have been fine if she wasn’t still barefoot with her hair in a messy bun atop her head, standing over half-cooked noodles. She padded over to the door, taking a deep breath to calm her racing pulse.

The door swung open to Gold holding a bouquet and looking a bit like a deer in the headlights.

“Hey,” he gave a small smile.

“Hey.” She licked her lips, shifting her weight.

They stared at one another, unspeaking, until Lacey realized that perhaps he was waiting for an invitation. She cleared her throat, stepping aside. “You can, um, you can come in, you know.”

He looked momentarily startled, then smiled bashfully as he walked past her. “Right. Sorry. I didn’t… um… Here.” He held out a large, vibrant bouquet.

She blinked at them for a moment, recognizing the the genus from a childhood working in her father’s flower shop.. “Amaryllis?” she asked, her voice feeling oddly tight.

He bit back a frown.“Pardon?”

She took the flowers, shaking her head. “Nothing. I… used to have an interest in botany. Sort of. Whatever. Anyway, they’re, um, they’re really beautiful. Thank you.”

“No matter,” he murmured, withdrawing what she recognized as a very expensive wine bottle from the bag on his arm and placing it on the counter.

Lacey looked around for something to put the flowers in and then remembered there was a glass pitcher she used sometimes for sun tea. It was tucked away in a top cabinet and she had to stand on tip-toe to almost reach the handle, but not quite.

From behind her, Gold reached the pitcher and pulled it down, the lapel of his suit jacket brushing her exposed back. She turned to face him, finding herself backed up against the counter in a way that made her breath catch. He smelled delicious.

“Thank you,” she said, feeling a little breathless. They’d been sleeping together a couple months now, but just standing this close still left her dizzy and excited, butterflies taking wing in her belly.

“It’s nice to be taller than someone for once,” he chuckled, adam’s apple bobbing as he set the pitcher down on the counter beside her. His gaze shifted to her face. “I’ve been a terribly remiss date, Lacey, and I do apologize.”

“Remiss? How? You already brought flowers and wine. I mean chocolates would have maybe made the trifecta but probably would have been overkill.” She was babbling slightly which was very unlike her but she fell silent as Gold brushed a stray lock of her hair behind one ear.

“I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look,” he said softly, his breath warm against her face.

Lacey swallowed hard. “Oh. Thank you.”

“Of course,” he murmured, his lips barely an inches from hers.

She closed the distance between them, kissing him firmly, one hand coming to grasp his tie and the other on his shoulder. He deepened the kiss, his free hand bracing on the counter. The edge was digging into her lower back and she arched away from it, bring her hips flush against his. He made a noise low in his throat, pulling back just enough to nip playfully at her lips.

In retaliation, Lacey grabbed a handful of his arse and squeezed.

He chuckled, “So far, I like your cooking very much.”

Lacey hummed her amusement. “Just wait til we get to the main course.” Gold licked his lips and leaned back in but Lacey slipped away, waggling a finger at him. “Ah ah ah, no spoiling your appetite on hors d'oeuvres…”

Gold grinned, his brown eyes sparking with mischief in a way that made her stomach flip. Before she made a complete fool of herself, she turned to where the bouquet lay abandoned on the table. She trimmed the stems into the sink with efficiency, muscle memory kicking it. She hadn’t uttered a word but the moment she turned, Gold was at her side with the pitcher full of water.

“Thanks.” She accepted the pitcher, dropping in the flowers and arranging them to their best advantage.

Gold was looking at her with frank curiosity. “Botany?”

Her cheeks went hot, fingers fumbling over the petals. “Florist’s shop, technically. But I liked knowing all the names and... and what they meant.”

He shifted closer, his hand resting on her lower back. “You sound like a very dedicated employee.”

Lacey’s head shot up, searching for any trace of mockery but his gaze was full of gentle interest. It made her want to unfold, to reveal herself to him in ways she never had before. “My parents owned a flower shop. Mom... “ she smiled at the memory, “Mom was kind of obsessed with the language of flowers. She always wanted to go to Japan and study flower arranging but we could never afford it. Just coming to America took a big chunk of the nest egg. But Dad had better prospects here and Mom starting setting up her flower shop. It was just this little hole in the wall but she was so proud of it…”

A lump rose in Lacey’s throat as she recalled the tiny, brightly colored shop. Her father’s business was drained dry by the cost of treating her mother’s cancer, but even when they lost the house and had to declare bankruptcy, they’d kept the flower shop.

Lacey and her father would bring fresh flowers to the hospital every day and Momma’s eyes would light up. She would name each flower and tell a little story about what they meant together, even when her voice was cracking and lungs struggling to draw breath.

“Lacey?” Gold’s voice drew her from the memory. “Sweetheart?”

She turned to him, the backs of her eyes burning with long unshed tears. “I… um. The noodles are probably done, now.” Padding to the stove, she forced herself to breathe normally. “I hope you don’t mind sauce from a jar. I got the brand name stuff just for the occasion.”

Gold shifted his weight awkwardly and cleared his throat. “Sounds delightful, sweetheart. Do you have a corkscrew?”

Lacey made a dismissive noise, expelling air through her teeth. “What kinda silly question is that?” She pulled open the drawer beside the stove and fished through it as she turned off the burner with her other hand. Her fingers closed over the smooth plastic and she held out the wine opener without looking toward him. Her heart was still drumming fast, the past weighing heavily around her narrow shoulders.

Wordlessly, Gold took the wine opener. Then, he made a choking noise, somewhere between a laugh and a cough.

Lacey glanced over her shoulder and immediately wanted to smack herself in the face for not paying attention. There, in the center of her very sophisticated date’s palm was a little plastic man with painted on chest hair, the corkscrew rising proudly from his cheetah print undies.

Gold was staring down at the thing as though unsure how to proceed. His lips were pressed tight and eyes wide. “Well…. let it never be said your tastes aren’t eclectic.”

Lacey felt a giggle building in her chest, pushing away the darkness that had begun to settle in. “Hey, I never promised you high class, buddy.”

Gold’s shoulders were beginning to shake, his nostrils flaring with the repressed humor but he inclined his head politely and began to open the bottle with a practiced hand. Just as he was pulling out the cork, their eyes caught.

She nodded toward the man-shaped wine opener. “See, he gets the job done.”

“Oh, yes indeed.” He affected a slight pout that looked wholly out of place on his handsome face. “It’s just that… I had hoped to be the best dressed man here.”

And that was all it took, the bubble burst and she couldn’t stop the giggles from flowing. Soon, Lacey found herself bent over double, laughing so hard her stomach hurt. Gold was in a similar state, hastily putting the bottle on the table before it could spill and taking his cane back up. In his free hand, he still clutched the wine opener, the cork only adding to the crudity of the image.

When she could breathe again, she crossed to the table and flung her arms around Gold, kissing him soundly. Both wine and pasta were forgotten for several minutes more.

***

The pasta was overcooked and the sauce was watery but the wine and - more importantly - the company were more than excellent enough to compensate. Gold had allowed himself to relax, discarding his tie and cufflinks, unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt and rolling his shirtsleeves to the elbow.

They talked of nothing in particular as they ate, Lacey's bare foot occasionally sliding under his pants leg or along his inner thigh. She seemed to take a certain delight in making him stumble over whatever banal thing he’d just been saying. He’d been half hard since she kissed him in the kitchen but he was determined to make it all the way through dinner before throwing her down on table to make another sort of meal. It seemed she was just as determined to tease him out of this resolution.

He heard a soft scrape as she scooted her chair closer to the table, sliding down in her seat. He felt the soft pressure of her big toe sliding unerringly up toward the apex of his legs. His cock gave an interested pulse, lengthening against the confine of his zipper. He licked his lips and met her heavy lidded gaze across the table.

“Sweetheart, if I didn’t know better, I’d say that dinner was only a ruse to get me here for...” he raised one eyebrow, “ other purposes…”

She gave a throaty chuckle. “Clearly my ingenious plan had a fatal flaw if you’re just gonna sit over there all night.” The ball of her foot skimmed across the hard line of his growing erection.

“Well, I do hate to be rude.”

Lacey snorted, eyes gleaming in the dim light. “You love to be rude.”

“You love it when I’m rude,” he countered with a lazy grin.

She raised both eyebrows, cocking her head to the side. “Do I?” She stroked him again with her foot, increasing the pressure.

“Mm-hm,” he hummed, gently removing her leg and rising from his seat. “A polite man wouldn’t have buried his head between your legs on the massage table where you work…” he stalked over to her chair, using the table for support in lieu of his cane. The tip of Lacey's tongue appeared at the corner of her smile before sweeping over her lips. Gold continued, “a polite man wouldn't have bent you over his desk with his coworkers just outside the door.”

He pulled her chair away from the table and she helped him pivot it toward himself. “A polite man would finish dinner” he sunk to his knees, careful of his injured calf, “before indulging himself in dessert…” his hands at her knees gently pushed them apart. He dipped his head to plant a hot, open mouthed kiss on the inside of each thigh.

Lacey made a needy little sound at the back of her throat, sliding even further forward until she was balanced at the edge of the chair. Her skirt hiked up with the movement, revealing a red thong, the fabric made darker by her gathering wetness.

Gold met her gaze, a thrill running through him at the raw hunger he saw there. His hands massaged his way up her thighs, thumbs rolling in semi-circles until they framed her core.

Leaning in, he ran the flat of his tongue up the red scrap of fabric and she inhaled sharply. He repeated the motion, flicking the tip of his tongue hard just at the top. Lacey swore, leaning back on her hands to drape one leg over his shoulder. Gold smiled and nibbled the flesh of that thigh. Lacey giggled and squirmed, drawing him closer with a nudge of her heel.

He hooked one thumb under the front of her thong drawing it tight against the slick flesh, the fabric outlining her lower lips perfectly.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, almost to himself.

Lacey made a soft little noise that almost sounded like embarrassment. But that couldn't be. Not his balls-out brash little Lacey. He dismissed it as his imagination and pulled the sodden scrap of fabric aside to taste her fully.

She moaned, her head lolling back as he slid his tongue the length of her slit, swirling over her hooded clit. He teased her with little licks until she was whimpering and begging for more. Then, sliding one finger knuckle deep, he turned the full focus of his mouth to that sensitive little bundle of nerves peeking out at him over her entrance.

Lacey bucked her hips, urging him to add a second finger, then a third as he fucked her with his hand. Unbuckling and unzipping his trousers, he palmed his hardness, stroking himself in time with the thrusts of his fingers. He felt her legs begin to shake, one heel digging in between his shoulder blades as her inner muscles clenched and fluttered. Lacey soon howled her release, nearly tipping over the chair in her enthusiasm.

Gold had barely taken a breath when she launched herself from her seat, pushing him backward until he lay prone on the floor. He almost laughed at the clumsy maneuvering when her hot little hand wrapped around his cock and all he could do was gasp with pleasure. He's been steadily ignoring the aching throb of his cock and heavily balls but Lacey was happy to alleviate his suffering. She kissed him deeply before ripping off her thong and dress. She'd worn no bra so she was fully, gloriously naked as she straddled him.

Slicking him with her own wetness, Lacey sank slowly down, taking him inch by inch until he was fully inside her. Gold groaned his relief, his hands going to her breasts, palming their slight heft and plucking at her taut nipples. She set up a punishing rhythm, grinding and snapping her hips as she rode him. Gold felt himself ready to explode, muttering jumbled filth and adoration, planting his feet to match her thrust for thrust.

At last he felt her getting close once more and let her milk him into orgasm, pleasure ripping through him as he shouted her name.

Lacey swore again and collapsed atop him, breathing hard as he softened and reluctantly slipped out of her. Something occurred to him and a laugh escaped, giddy as he was.

“What?” Lacey's voice was muffled by his shoulder.

“Well, I just realized what a mess we've made of these trousers. I probably shouldn't wear them home.”

“Mm. There's a dry cleaner down the street. We can take them in the morning,” she said dismissively then paused, going slightly tense in his arms.

He swallowed, fighting down the little flurry of excitement in his chest - far different from what they'd shared already this evening. “Does that mean you… would like me to stay here tonight?” He felt like an idiot having to ask, and even more so for holding his breath until she answered.

“It… would be rude not to invite you.”

He ran a hand through her sweat dampened curls, come loose from the knot atop her head. “And you, unlike me, are never rude.”

Lacey nosed his neck. “Nope. I'm nothing if not a motherfucking lady.”

#rumbelle #rumbelle fic'#rumbelle smut #golden lace #golden lace fic #golden lace smut #hands on verse #my fic

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