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feeling-uncomfy · 3 years

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I've decided I'm gonna start naming these because it just occurred to me that I don't usually, so-

Code Orange

In which the league work around one of their members sleeping issues.

Warnings:

- only slight injury is mentioned

Hope you enjoy! :D

There were things Kurogiri noticed, working with the league. It was in his nature to take care of people, so bad habits often caught his eye. For instance, Shigaraki's inability to eat a full three meals, or Spinner's energy drink addiction that Kurogiri was sure was going to catch up on his heart soon. Or Dabi's pure apathy towards everything to do with pain. There's also Twice, but he's a whole list on his own, unfortunately.

Slowly but surely, Kurogiri has made an impact on the group's health. Shigaraki now eats three full meals (only if Toga does too, but it's a win) and Spinner now drinks a bottle of water every day, and if pushed, two. Dabi hasn't been very cooperative, and try as Kurogiri and Compress might, he refuses to let anyone try help him. He just walks around half dead at this point. Kurogiri decides it's a battle for another day, as Toga pointed out another bad habit among his colleagues.

Sako Atsuhiro.

For some odd reason, Kurogiri has a hard time getting mad or finding flaw in him, but now that he's aware it's there, Kurogiri can't help but focus a little more on the man's lack of a sleeping pattern. Compress stays up with Kurogiri until he's done cleaning the bar, and more often than not will stay up after Kurogiri returns to his room. Though technically Kurogiri doesn't need sleep, it's nice to lay down to de-stress.

However, when Kurogiri bids Compress goodnight at one am every night, he also finds himself up after him. They enjoy the silence they have at six am, knowing they're about to be dragged on another life threatening adventure by twelve pm at the latest. Kurogiri had never thought to question the magician, but now he had to, with Twice and Toga on his case.

In fact, as Kurogiri looked up from the glass he was cleaning, it seemed they had roped Spinner into this too, judging from the conversation they were having. "I'm just saying, you're the last one alseep and first one awake," Spinner said, leaning back as he diverted his attention from the game he was playing to the conversation. "I'm like- ninety nine percent sure you shut down like a computer."

At that, Compress laughed, a lovely and rich sound that had Kurogiri paying more attention than he was before. "I wish it were that easy, but alas," Compress shuffled his cards as he spoke. "I can't do that." Twice leaned over, watching the cards move and Compress's mask as if looking for a change in its expression. "Then when do you sleep?! I don't care, deal me in." Kurogiri caught Toga's eye, and was surprised by the thoughtful look she had. After a second, she addressed Shigaraki, who was sat next to Spinner. "Tomura, how long does it take you to fall asleep?"

Shigaraki looked over, and with a scoff, he answered. "It wouldn't take half as long if I didn't hear someone pacing around at five o'clock in the morning." For a brief moment, Kurogiri saw Compress's shoulders stiffen. The movement was miniscule, but it was a confirmation. Toga noticed as well, apparently, because she leaned over to Compress. "What's wrong, Mr.? You look a little tense." Kurogiri knew as well as Toga did that Compress couldn't exactly talk his way out of this one, especially when he didn't have the time to come up with a lie.

With a forced laugh, Compress handed Twice his cards. "Oh nothing, just remembered something important is all." Toga rolled her eyes, but didn't push as Compress stood up and made his way past Kurogiri, towards the front door. "Where're you going at this hour Mr.?" Spinner didn't bother pausing his game as he glanced over. Compress didn't answer, just bowed slightly with another forced out laugh, a little dramatically, to Kurogiri, and left.

Toga and Kurogiri met eyes again as Shigaraki looked up at the door. With a grumbled "He better be back tomorrow." He stood up and went upstairs, no doubt to plan their next move. Toga sat up on the stool closest to Kurogiri, and played with the knife she had. Kurogiri didn't pay much attention until her question had him scrambling to not drop the glass he was holding. "So, you care for Mr, right? You gonna try seduce him to sleep or something?" Twice's dry wheeze mixed with Spinner's groan of second-hand embarrassment was lost to Kurogiri's loud yell.

"I'm not going to seduce Atsuhiro into sleeping! What do you take me for-?!" Kurogiri knew that if he felt warmth at all, he'd be a blushing mess. Toga giggled and leaned forward. "So you're not going to deny you care for him? That's adorable!" Spinner ended up dying, screen flashing as he spat his drink out, Twice falling into laughter to the side of him. Kurogiri spluttered, caught off guard from the question, because no, he wasn't going to deny it. But the thought of admitting that created a sick feeling Kurogiri was unused to in his gut.

"I care for all of you equally, that includes Atsuhiro." Kurogiri said instead, finding avoidance easier than defense. Toga nodded a little. "Nice save, mist man." Twice gave a thumbs up and the middle finger from the table. Kurogiri sighed a little as he nodded his thanks. "So, we're all in agreement?" Spinner finally recovered, and looked up. "Agreement on..?" Toga pointed at the cards. "That we're gonna make Mr. sleep like we helped you with your addiction to Monster, or Tomura and his food issues!" Spinner nodded, a faint "Ohhhh-" following from Twice. Kurogiri just nodded, having suffered enough embarrassment for one evening. Toga clapped her hands together, cheering. So that's how Kurogiri ended up getting roped into helping the league's resident magician into sleeping a full eight hours.

The task, however, was easier said than done.

Atsuhiro didn't end up returning until just before Kurogiri "woke up" for the day, and Kurogiri found him donning just his balaclava, scrubbing the already spotless countertop at half six in the morning. He seemed more tired than usual, movements sluggish and his reaction was delayed when Kurogiri entered the room. "Atsuhiro?" Kurogiri called, and got no answer the first time, so he walked up to the man. "Atsuhiro." Kurogiri was caught off guard by the full body flinch he received as an answer. "Yes-?" Compress looked up at Kurogiri, eyes drooped more so than last night, Kurogiri was sure.

"Are you alright? You look rather tired." Kurogiri wasn't sure why he spoke like he was addressing an angry Shigaraki, but it felt natural. Compress let out a soft laugh, though it sounded more like an exhale than anything else. "I'm well, I had a little run-in on the way back, nothing serious." Kurogiri didn't like how that sounded, nor did he like how Compress avoided his second comment. Compress made his way towards the bar, and Kurogiri spoke up again, keeping his voice low. "The other's are worried, you know."

Compress paused, but kept walking after a moment. "Worried about what exactly? Are they not aware I can take a punch?" Kurogiri barely suppressed an eye roll. "You know what I mean, Atsuhiro. They don't like watching friends suffer." Compress looked down at the drink he was pouring. "I'm not suffering," he started, only to have his coffee taken away from him. "Hey-" Kurogiri held up the cup. "Go a day without this, then we'll discuss how you're "not suffering". Alright?" Compress snorted dryly. "Very funny, can I have my drink back?"

Kurogiri didn't answer, walking back to the kitchen, Compress hot on his heels. "I mean it, go a day without a single drop of coffee, or anything made to keep people awake." Kurogiri poured the coffee down the sink, watching it with a sick sort of satisfaction. Compress glared up at the back of Kurogiri's head. "I'm not a child, Giri, don't treat me like one." Kurogiri turned to see Compress and crossed his arms. "Take care of yourself, as an adult would, Atsuhiro."

Compress sighed. "I do take care of myself," he snapped, and Kurogiri raised a brow. "And the one time I don't I'm getting heckled?" Kurogiri actually laughed at that, surprising Compress. "This "one time"? Atsuhiro, I've seen you mix Spinner's Monster into your coffee." Compress didn't have an argument to that, and spluttered for a few seconds before throwing his hands up. "That was only once!"

Kurogiri didn't hesitate. "It was not, I've seen you mix plenty of things together, you put salt in water one time to wake yourself up." Compress paused. "How did you-?" Kurogiri gestured to himself. "I see everything, Atsuhiro." Compress didn't know whether to laugh or ask what else he'd seen. "That's irrelevant, that doesn't mean I don't take care of myself." Compress argued, and Kurogiri caught himself before he snapped. "Atsuhiro, sleeping is included in the act of taking care of yourself." Compress shrugged. "And? It's not affecting my performance, is it?"

Kurogiri shook his head. "Maybe not, but that's not the point. You can't neglect yourself like this." Compress rubbed his eyes, trying to make it seem like he was more irritated than tired. Before he could speak, Twice walked in. For a second, Compress thought he was seeing things again, because Twice slept like a log, and it took forever to wake him up. "Jin? It's almost seven am, what are you-" Twice yawned loudly, obviously faking it, but Kurogiri was the only one who noticed. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come down here." Twice mumbles, putting on a sleepy voice. Compress was at his side before Kurogiri could blink. "Well it's too early for you to be awake, come on," Compress walked Twice upstairs and completely missed the thumbs up Kurogiri received from Twice.

Half an hour later, Twice came down again, and Spinner looked up from his cereal. "Did it work?" Kurogiri sighed in relief at Twice's enthusiastic nod and shake of his head. "It worked like a charm! He's sleeping like a dead man up there." Kurogiri relaxed as Spinner gave Twice a high-five. Toga sauntered down another hour later, and showed the group a photo she snapped of Compress to prove he was still asleep. It was adorable, according to Toga and Twice, Spinner thought it was unusually sweet, and Kurogiri had the photo saved on his phone, simply because it was nice.

Now unfortunately, once Compress woke up, he was pissed. He refused to speak to Twice for the rest of the day, and Spinner joined Twice in the silent treatment swiftly after he showed Compress the photo. However, Compress was well rested, and that was all Kurogiri cared for. "You don't look as tired, Atsuhiro." Kurogiri said offhandedly. Compress glared slightly. "Don't give me that now. I said I didn't need sleep." Kurogiri sighed, a little too fondly to be friendly, but he didn't care in that moment. He didn't feel the need to answer that.

The league's only issue was getting Compress to follow a sleeping pattern. Compress often avoided sitting on the couch for too long, or sitting in a car, he often shifted restlessly. Kurogiri had tried again and again to get Compress to agree with a normal sleep schedule, but he simply refused. Spinner so far had been the most successful forcing him to sleep, because the car rides with him were to often end up long and Compress fell victim to his tiredness.

Then one day, by some miracle, they made progress.

Kurogiri was cleaning the bar, the others out on a mission. Or, mostly everyone. Shigaraki got pissed at Compress for not sleeping, having also become invested over the last few weeks, and made him stay at home. Compress was on the couch, writing something down as Kurogiri worked. At first, Kurogiri wasn't aware of what Compress was doing. He looked over to check on him, having not heard anything from the man in a while, only to find him out cold, laying down. Kurogiri froze when he saw it. Compress willingly fell asleep on the couch. Kurogiri couldn't help the feeling of pride burst through at the sight of progress.

Oh so gently, Kurogiri brushed his hand over Compress's cheek, relishing in the warmth that seeped into him before disappearing. Compress stayed asleep, his only reaction being him burying his face further into the couch. The feeling of wanting to keep Compress asleep, hold him close and never let anyone near was almost vocalised, and Kurogiri found he didn't mind the feeling so much, and wrapped Compress up in a blanket. Leaving some water on the table in front of him, Kurogiri got back to work and let Compress sleep.

Soon, though, Kurogiri found they had a slight problem.

Compress was sleeping irregularly still, but now he conked out anywhere and everywhere. This wouldn't be an issue if it stayed exclusively in the base. Kurogiri had his own version of a heart attack when Big Sis Magne burst through the door, carrying an unconscious Compress. "The hell happened?!" Shigaraki demanded, dropping his controller. Toga walked over. "Who do I need to cut?" Magne shook her head, setting Compress down next to Twice, who moved to let Spinner check for injuries.

"I just found him out back," Magne explained. "I wasn't sure whether he was dead or asleep, so I brought him in." Kurogiri came back into the room, medical kit in hand. Spinner looked up from the couch. "There's no broken bones, or any new injuries." Magne sighed in relief, sinking onto the bar stool closest. "Just some scratches and bruises," Spinner continued, moving Compress so he could lay down. "They're kind of old, but still." Spinner said. Kurogiri frowned under the mist and came over. Spinner got to work, just as Dabi came down the stairs. "What's all the murder plotting about?" He asked, grabbing a beer from the bar.

"Someone hurt Mr. so we're planning revenge, wanna roast them with us?" Toga span the knife she held, a different one with patterns, Kurogiri noted. Dabi scoffed a little, but he didn't say no. "I got nothing better to do." Was all he said in response to Twice's stare. Kurogiri chose not to question Dabi, nodding to him in a small thanks, to which Dabi didn't respond. "We going or what? I could use an outlet." Twice jumped up to follow Toga out the door, Dabi following the pair after he'd finished downing the beer. "Be careful darlings!" Magne called as the door swung shut.

Spinner sat back, satisfied with his work. Kurogiri scooped Compress up wordlessly, and made his way to Compress's room. Kurogiri kicked the door open, stopping it before it hit the wall, and set Compress down on the bed in the far corner. Compress shifted, mumbling incoherently and rubbing his eyes. "Atsuhiro," Kurogiri muttered, and Compress looked up at him with half opened eyes. Compress hummed as Kurogiri brought the blankets up around him. Kurogiri heard Compress's half aware questions, and chose to not answer them and to make him comfortable.

"Kurogiri?" Compress tried again to get the bartenders attention, and only when he moved to sit up was he given said attention. "Atsuhiro, don't do that, lay back down." Kurogiri spoke quietly, and Compress huffed before complying, more tired than usual. Kurogiri finished his dotting and walked over to the door, moving to close it. He took one final look at Compress, who was already falling asleep. "Goodnight, Atsuhiro." Kurogiri didn't expect a response, and left before he could be proven wrong.

After that, the term "Code Orange" came to light. Whenever anyone stumbled upon a sleeping Compress, they'd message the league "Code Orange" and their location if they weren't in the base. It was the easiest solution to their dilemma. Kurogiri has often gotten pinged in the league's group chat he swears he regrets making, by Twice, Toga, or anyone who found Compress asleep. It's become a sort of competition, who can find Compress, and who can find him in the weirdest place. Kurogiri has gotten some weird photos the past few weeks, but it's worth it if Atsuhiro is sleeping.

Even their newest member, Hawks, has been informed of their shenanigans. Though he doesn't volunteer outright, he helps the nearest person find Compress for the fun of it. Though conversations of sleeping have been banned between the two by Dabi of all people, who once dragged Compress away from Hawks after burning him. When Kurogiri asked, Dabi explained what he'd walked in on.

Dabi simply wanted a beer, that was it. He didn't expect Hawks to be chatting up to Compress of all people, fake smiles and cracking jokes. Dabi didn't care until he heard Hawks. "So, from what I've gathered, you don't sleep a lot do you Mr.?" Compress scoffed, refusing to show the newer member a sliver of vulnerability. "Who did you hear that one from?" He said instead, closing to ignore Hawks's snickering. "Just everyone I've asked." Hawks answer smoothly. Compress sighed, putting his glass down. "Well I'm not in the mood to be lectured, so let's not." Compress said simply, and Dabi just knew that one made Hawks's feathers bristle.

"On the contrary, I think it's a good thing you get shit done instead of sleeping, Mr." Dabi stopped, refusing to give himself away just yet, but he was close. Compress didn't answer for a minute, caught off guard. "Yeah!" Hawks continued, uncaring of the lack of response. "If we remove the eight or more hours you spend sleeping, that makes up so much more room for productivity, right?" Compress nodded. "However, human bodies have their limits." Compress countered, remembering what Kurogiri had told him after one nap he took after not sleeping for a while. (Four days, but you didn't hear that from him)

Hawks shrugged. "Who cares about limits if you're making progress?" Compress tapped his fingers against the bar. While that was true, he'd hate to make the others worry more for him by going back to square one. "Mr.?" Compress snapped his head up, not realising he had spaced out. Hawks was standing, leaning over the bar, over Compress. He looked taller, or was that just the wings? "I asked if you wanted to pull an all-nighter with me to get some work done." Hawks repeated, and before Compress could even think about it, Dabi was there.

His hand met Hawks's wing and he was jumping away, yelling. Compress glanced between the two and made a mental note to stop spacing out as Dabi grabbed his arm and started moving. "Wait-" Compress started, only to have Dabi pull him over to Kurogiri. "Hawks isn't allowed talk about sleep with Mr. anymore." Kurogiri looked between the two. "Alright, why..?" Dabi pointed back at Hawks, who was still nursing his wing. "I have a point!" Compress shrugged when asked about what Hawks asked.

Compress took up on that offer, only because Hawks quite literally broke into his room.

A few weeks later, Hawks was at his agency, checking up on the league's chat and trying to handle an injury Tokoyami had received. He'd been knocked out of the air, landing with a solid crash into a car. As Hawks took the glass out, Toga called him. "Who's that, sir?" Tokoyami asked, leaning over. Hawks laughed, a little forced. "Just a random number." He hung up on Toga with a quick apology text. A few minutes later, there was a dim in the lights as the projector turned on. Tokoyami jumped up, arm half stitched, and Hawks sighed. "A heroes job is never done, huh?" The two looked up at the image projecting on the screen. "Is that—?" Tokoyami asked, and Hawks nodded.

Toga was on the screen, laughing as she went on about random things. "I hope you can see this," she said. Twice burst into the room, making Toga jump. "Oh! Jin, you have to say hi." She jumped up excitedly, only to be interrupted. "We've got a Code Orange, do you know where Dabi is? Cause Kurogiri is freaking out." Toga frowned. Hawks snorted loudly, recognising the term. Tokoyami looked over with a tilt of his head. "Nothing, it's nothing." Hawks waved his intern off.

"I haven't seen Dabi, but Spinner might've? And why's Kurogiri freaking out?" Toga stood up and started walking out the hallway, camera on Twice's back. "Just look! It's really stupid." Toga walked into the bar, and gasped. "That's adorable!" Kurogiri groaned from somewhere off camera. "Wonderful, what did I say about recording?" Toga didn't answer, and pointed the camera at the source of the problem. Tokoyami stared, utterly confused. Hawks barely suppressed a laugh.

Kurogiri was standing at an awkward angle, and Compress was sleeping against him, snoring quietly. Twice was wearing his hat as Toga snickered. "Kurogiri, scariest member of the league, also a pillow." Twice gestured as Compress would, making Toga fall into laughter. Kurogiri grumbled angrily, but didn't dare move. Hawks looked over at Tokoyami. "Guess we don't have to worry much, huh?" Tokoyami nodded after a second, sitting back down and letting Hawks continue to stitch his arm.

Kurogiri gave in, wrapping his arms around Compress as Twice and Toga snapped photos. Kurogiri gingerly picked Compress up, taking care not to disturb him. Other than an exhale, the magician stayed asleep. Kurogiri brought him to the couch, and before he could set him down, Compress's hands clasped at Kurogiri's waistcoat. "Come on, Atsuhiro." Kurogiri said quietly, trying again to put the man down. He didn't seem to want to, though. Kurogiri decided with a huff to just sit down and let himself be used as a pillow, just this once. Compress curled up, blissfully unaware of the embarrassment he was causing as he slept. Kurogiri indulged a little, holding the man close and leaning back.

Twice plopped next to them, deciding that it was nap time for him as well, and promptly fell asleep, head dropping onto Kurogiri's shoulder. "Twice?" Kurogiri was now effectively trapped, and Toga fell on his other side, so now there really was no getting out of this. Kurogiri sighed loudly, and ran a hand through Compress's hair. "You're going to be the death of me," he spoke softly, admiring how relaxed Compress was against his hand. "I think I'm alright with that, though." Compress didn't answer, nor did he hear anything Kurogiri had said, but he didn't need to. Not when eventually, everyone in the league was laying down napping, Kurogiri keeping watch. Kurogiri was just fine, as long as he got to hold those he called a family close.

[Listen, I'm in love with BlackMagic at the moment- it's just so soft-]

[I'm definitely gonna write a mini spin-off about Hawks and Compress staying up all night to do work- (and most likely get off topic-)]

[maybe even include Kurogiri finding their dumbasses-]

[Anyways- hope you enjoyed! Stay safe! :D]

#boku no hero academia #bnha league of villains #bnha mr compress #bnha kurogiri #bnha dabi #bnha toga #bnha twice #bnha shigaraki #bnha spinner #bnha hawks #tokoyami #blackmagic #some parts of this were vERY SELF INDULGENT-#totally worth it tho

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fromtheo-withlove · 3 years

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Pt. 4 - A Reunion

Finally get to bring in a bit of comfort, I hope you guys enjoy! It’s been such an amazing experience getting to share this story with all of you. Apologies in advance - it’s a bit of a long chapter but I’m hoping it’s worth the read.

TW: prisoner shackled, emotional whump, guilt and self-loathing, mention of injuries

Tag-list: @ihaveacrushonjester @tears-and-lilies @starnight-whump

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Even before her mother had passed away 4 years ago, Princess Aurelia had always been incredibly close to her father. She treasured the time she got to spend with him and wanted to be like him when she became a ruler herself. Stories of the adventures and bravery of his youth were legendary and he had a way of charming everyone he spoke to. And Aurelia loved him.

But after watching Bennett and Gabriel’s arrival unfold and hearing about her father’s plans for them, she didn’t think she’d ever be able to see him in that light again. He had been different since the war began, quicker to anger, quiet, but she didn’t think he’d do something like this.

He had admitted Gabriel was an innocent in all of this, yet he let him think he was going to die, left him terrified and blindfolded while he played mind games. He had even whispered to her that he wasn’t going to actually let him die, but told her that he’d make it worse for him if she was uncooperative. She just couldn’t forgive him for all of this.

“Well,” she thought, “he may be acting like a stubborn monster, but I inherited every bit of that stubbornness and I’m not backing down either.”

She didn’t have any ideas on how to get Bennett and Gabriel out of this mess, but she was determined to see them at least, take care of them as much as she could.

It ended up being relatively easy to make it happen. She sought out Robert, the head of the castle guard, and he had ultimately agreed to let her visit the dungeons while one of the guards he trusted was on duty. He had known the princes when they were young. He had even given them sword lessons for a time and had been a tough teacher, but had a soft spot for them as well. It appeared he still did.

“Aye, war is war, but those boys were good lads. It’s a shame it’s come to this. I’ve told my guards to take it easy with them, but half this damn castle is hungry for their blood. They could use a friend in this mess.”

The guard’s first shift was that night, just past sundown. She passed the preceding hours pacing her room, gathering food and medical supplies to smuggle in, and trying to mentally steel herself for the reunions she was about to have.

The dungeon was vast, spanning the length of the castle. The king had ordered the princes be kept separately to avoid conspiring, as if they posed any threat in chains, shackled down. She was worried about Gabriel, but she decided to visit Bennett first. She needed answers and she needed a clear head for this conversation.

As the guard let her into Bennett’s cell, he reassured her that the prince would be shacked down and wouldn’t harm her. She almost laughed at the absurdity of the reassurance before remembering the crimes everyone believed Bennett committed. Rather than laugh, she nodded politely and thanked the guard as he closed the door and went back to his post.

It had already grown dark outside and the cell would have been pitch black if not for the glow of the lantern that Aurelia held. Luckily, she thought, there isn’t much here to light. The cell was small – enough space to pace in circles if the prisoner wasn’t shackled and enough room for them to lay down, but not much beyond that. Bennett sat in the corner looking tired and wary, his hands shackled behind him on a chain bolted to the floor.

He was the first to speak up. “Why are you here?” he asked, his eyes mistrustful.

She didn’t blame him for such a blunt greeting under the circumstances.

“I needed to see you, talk to you. Apologize. What happened earlier, the show my father put on…. It… shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry.” She slowly walked closer as she spoke, then kneeled down near him.

She raised her hand to place it on his shoulder, confirm to herself that he was real and there, but he flinched and pulled away from her reach.

“I don’t deserve your time or pity, Auri. I wish I did. God, I wish I did. Please just go to Gabriel, he’s the innocent one in all of this. And do you want to know the worst part? He has every reason to hate me and he’s probably more worried about me than himself.” He let out a bitter laugh. “You know how good he is and you’ve already heard how much of a monster I am. Just go.”

Aurelia gave Bennett a hard glance. “Benn, stop it with all the self-loathing and self-sabotage. I’m going to see Gabriel after this. Let’s not waste time with you trying to convince me to leave, unless you truly have no wish to see me.”

In truth, he desperately wanted her company and in that moment he couldn’t bring himself to lie and say otherwise. When he stayed silent for a few seconds, she continued talking.

“I came here because I wanted to see you. I’m a grown woman now, I can make my own decisions.”

He finally spoke up, more quietly than before. “I know you can, I’m sorry… You have every right to stay here, but I don’t know what to say.”

“Well I didn’t come here to throw around accusations, you faced enough of that today, but, please, help me understand how things got to this point. Did you really murder innocents in those villages? I- I just can’t believe that. I need to hear it from you, without an audience. How could the same boy I knew, the one who wouldn’t hurt a fly, ever do something like that?”

She said that she couldn’t believe it, but Bennett noticed her stumble on her words, saw the fear in her eyes at his response. He knew her doubt in him was deserved, but it still somehow hurt.

“That boy you knew was pathetic, weak, naïve. When I returned to Lianhar, I had to see that and grow up. It’s the way the world works, Auri.”

Aurelia shook her head sadly. “Your father really did a number on you.” She stayed silent for a moment before asking quietly, “Do you remember the baby bird?”

“Obviously I do… why?”

“Humor me, what do you remember about that day, Benn?”

He knew what she was trying to do, but it had been so long since he’d been spoken to with compassion and a part of him wanted it to last as long as possible. “Okay… We were probably 11, maybe 12. It was springtime. It was that time of year when it’s finally starting to get warm but the weather keeps changing. There was that crazy wind and rain storm. The day after the storm we were so excited to collect fallen sticks and build our own little fortress.”

“We never did get around to building one,” Aurelia remarked with a small smile.

Bennett paused for a moment at Aurelia’s remark, but didn’t want to dwell on unfinished childhood dreams. It hurt too much to think about. He continued.

“Gabriel was inside, probably reading some textbook. We went down to the old oaks, and there was the baby bird, almost hidden in the tall grass. He was so small, and cute in an ugly way, with his feathers still growing in.”

Aurelia smiled genuinely at the memory. “You were amazed by it, shouting at me to come over. Until you saw its broken wing. I told you there was nothing we could do, tried to comfort you, but you were so upset about it.”

He nodded. “I was sad. I think I named him Momo.” He felt the corner of his mouth creep up in a smirk, the closest thing he’d had to a smile in weeks.

“You weren’t just sad, you were heartbroken. You laid near it crying and talking to it for almost an hour.”

“Auri, I get it, I was an overly dramatic child.”

“No Benn, you were loving and hated to see anyone or anything suffering. That bird would’ve died without you.”

Bennett scoffed. “No, your memory is way off. Gabriel was the one who saved him. I just sat there like a blubbering idiot.”

“I know he mended its wing, but he wouldn’t have even known about the bird if you hadn’t refused to come inside for lunch. He did always have a knack for medicine, but it was your heart that saved the bird.”

Bennett’s slight smirk was gone. He grew silent and leaned against the cell wall, no longer looking at Aurelia. When he spoke again, his voice had hardened.

“Well, regardless, real life isn’t like that bird story. And like I said, I had to grow up.”

“So you’re saying that you did kill them? Those innocent people?”

“No Auri,” Bennett snapped, his tone more annoyed than he intended. “I didn’t myself, but what difference does it make if I held the blade or my soldiers did? I didn’t stop them. That blood is on my hands.” He finally looked back at her, eyes narrowed, “I’m sorry if that gets in the way of you reminiscing on idyllic childhood memories.”

Aurelia raised her eyebrows, but didn’t take the bait. “So was it your idea? A plan to show strength? Did you want to do it?”

“Stop, it doesn’t matter.”

Aurelia stood up. “Just answer the question,” she commanded angrily. The sight of Bennett flinching at her demand was like a bucket of cold water on her anger. She quieted. “Please Benn, I need to know. If you still have any feelings of friendship towards me, tell me the truth.”

“You’re going to play that card?” Bennett said angrily. “What do you want me to say? That I never grew out of my weakness? That I didn’t want to lead a battalion, but conceded after just 10 minutes of pressure from my father? That my men never respected me, that they resented me for not allowing them their fun? That they killed my squire and pretended he died in an enemy attack? That they made veiled threats when Gabriel visited with medical supplies? That they were ready to stab me in the back because they felt my tactics were too passive? And instead of stamping out the disloyalty or, even better, dying for my own morals, that I gave up and handed my second-in-command the reigns?”

As he spoke, the anger in Bennett’s voice began to soften, but the bitterness and pain remained. “It doesn’t matter if I didn’t want them to pillage villages or harm civilians, I took a coward’s way out and convinced myself that what they did was out of my hands. I didn’t think they’d go so far.” His voice started to break.

“I really didn’t think they would, Auri. It will haunt me for any days I have left. But I should’ve known what I was doing. A good leader would’ve avoided that bloodshed. When I was a child, I’d cry about the injustices of the world, but then I actually had the power to change things and I was too much of a goddamn coward.”

Aurelia stood staring at her friend, tears in her eyes. “So, now you know,” he whispered. “You can leave with your answers.”

Instead of turning to the door, the princess knelt down face to face with Bennett and wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. The gesture broke down his last barriers, and he began to cry into her shoulder.

“Benn, listen to me. You were forced into an unfair situation from the start. You didn’t ask for any of this. You avoided innocent bloodshed for a long time. They killed someone close to you, threatened you and Gabriel. Put you in an impossible position. You do not deserve this.”

He continued to cry for a few minutes as Aurelia stroked his hair. It was better than he deserved, but he needed comfort more than he ever had and he knew there was a chance this embrace would be the last he ever received. He only regretted not being able to hug her back.

Eventually, he began to breathe more normally and Aurelia let him go.

She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. “I’ve been trying to change things for you both, I swear I’ve been trying, but… my father….”

“Auri, the fact that you even visited is more than I can ask for. I’ve already accepted that I’m not getting out of this mess, don’t anger your father over something impossible.” He paused, then continued, “But my brother…. I know it’s unfair to ask and it’s probably not doable, but if there’s any chance for Gabriel, if you see any way to convince your father to spare him, please try.”

“I promise I’ll keep trying, but I don’t want to give any false hopes about the odds.”

Bennett just nodded.

Aurelia’s eyes suddenly lit up as she remembered what she had smuggled in. “I almost forgot, I brought you some food!”

“I’m not sure I can stomach it right now to be honest.”

Aurelia looked skeptical. “When’s the last time you ate?”

Bennett didn’t even bother to answer the question. He sighed dramatically. “Fine, you’re right, I need food.”

“I knew it! You always hated to eat when you were stressed out, but then you’d end up exhausted and feeling worse.”

“I guess some things never change. Like you acting like a mother hen, trying to take care of me. “Benn, wear your jacket it’s cold. Benn, eat your breakfast. Benn, it’s not a good idea to jump off the stable roof into a tightly compacted bale of hay.” I guess I should’ve listened to you on that last one,” he said with a grin.

“And I guess I should just lean into the mother hen for today – I also brought medical supplies. Your shoulder and head looked injured earlier. Can I see them?”

He nodded. “They’re from the fight when I was captured, but they’re really not bad. I’ve had worse.”

She examined the wounds for a moment. “Okay tough guy, but they’re still pretty bad. I can’t leave anything visible like bandages unfortunately, but I’ll clean them out and apply some ointment to help numb them a bit. I’ll ask Robert if he’s willing to have the guards bandage them before tomorrow night, maybe under the guise of appearances for the banquet or something.”

The mention of the banquet brought Bennett back to reality. “Do you know what your father has planned?”

“No more than you do, I’m sorry. But I do know he plans to keep you both alive for a while, for better or for worse.”

Auri spent some time treating Bennett’s injuries, trying not to think about how many more she’d be caring for over the next few weeks. She needed to take things one day at a time.

When she was finished, she packed up her things and wrapped Bennett in one more hug. “I should go see Gabriel now, I can’t risk wandering around too late and having my father discover I’ve seen either of you. I’ll come back though, as much as I can.”

As she headed to the door, Bennett felt overcome with gratitude that she planned to come back. “Hey Auri?.... Thank you.”

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#whump #royalwhump #emotionalwhump #guilt #fear #comfort #bonding

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stories-from-my-mind-to-yours · 6 years

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WORK IN PROGRESS! NO TITLE SO FAR! Suggestions very much appreciated!

I have been working way too much, so I haven’t posted anything in a long time, hopefully that might change.

I wasn’t sure if I should post this publicly, but fuck it, it doesn’t do anyone any good being posted privately on my page(which it has for quite a while). Better to see get it out and see if I should keep writing on it or leave it be. I hope you enjoy!

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Ever since i can remember, as I grew up I’ve kept my distance, and sometimes straight out even alienated myself, like i was looking at the world through a pair of binoculars. Back then I could never really put my finger on anything tangible, but there was always something, just outside of my field of view. Although this might not seem like anything more than mind ghosts, there was something, that drove an invisible wedge between myself and others my age. Not that others have ever treated me in a demeaning way, I’ve just never felt that I belonged with others my age, or even valued the same things as my classmates. To begin my story, and my explanation, just as much for myself as for anyone reading it, I have to go back to the very beginning of the 1980’s. A different time to be sure, a time of freedom, and a time of carelessness. It was a good time while it lasted. But of course it was bound to have an end.

I was born more than reasonably premature, week 24 of my mother’s pregnancy, and as expected in that era, it almost killed me. In fact, it should have killed me. Being born with underdeveloped lungs I spent my first year in the neonatal ICU, fighting for my life, every. Single. Breath. When I was born I weighed 2214 grams. That’s 4 lbs, 14 ounces. Medicine of the time stated it to be impossible. I am living evidence that every rule has an exception. But then again, lots of things have exceptions.

My mother, god bless her soul and memory, never gave up. Not for a single second did she even hesitate, even though she was a nurse, and I do believe that on some level she must’ve known the odds for my survival. When the doctors initially told her I wouldn’t make it through the night, she calmly looked them dead in the eye and simply replied “you just wait.” And they did. And they were almost right. My heart stopped sixteen times the first month. Large bruises appeared on my chest and back, and the doctors believed it was from the cramps of basically dying every other day, and being shocked back into life a couple of times a week. The other times my heart decided to start beating again on its own. Thankfully our room had a nurses station close by, so they kept a watchful eye on me, proving that my mother never laid a hand on me. The story probably would’ve been quite different otherwise. But it was obvious that i was having some form of seizures when my heart resumed beating on its own.

I spent the major part of my first year in an incubator, battling diseases as pneumonia and jaundice. But for every day that passed I grew stronger, and it was quite apparent I had no intentions of checking out. But nonetheless my mother had to wait before the doctors would let me leave. She waited for 14 months, before the doctors finally agreed, that it was time for me to go home.

My mother beamed with pride as she walked out the hospital doors with her son in a thick blanket in her arms. I hadn’t died a single time in three months, the seizures had disappeared completely and the bruises were starting to fade. The doctors warned my mother that I would most likely have severe problems growing up. They gave me a minimum 90% chance of being mentally and physically challenged, they said they’d be astonished if I ever learned to walk or talk. And I’d probably never grow to be neither tall nor heavy. She didn’t care, I was alive, and that’s all that mattered to her. For a time, life was good. As kids do, I grew. Not as fast as normal kids my age, no. I grew faster than that. My mother told me she was amazed at how much I could eat, and how much energy I had for a scrawny kid that to begin with didn’t even weigh half of what I should. When I was three years old I was some 30% behind my growth scale. By the time I was six, the gap had gone down to as little as 17%. I had just started playing both hockey and soccer, which helped me grow more in mass than anything, and it was sorely needed. My growth was beyond good at this point. When I was eight, I had almost caught up to my curve, both in weight and length. But you know that feeling when things start to feel like it’s going just a little bit too good? Yeah, things were about to get worse. A lot worse.

My memories of that, fateful day are… chopped up, fragmented. Glimpses and confusion at best, except for one single moment, that’s seared into my brain forever. I was out riding my bike with my friend Richard. Now, do consider that this was back in ‘89, neither of us had helmets, and riding a bike in the middle of the road was as common as breathing. I was invincible and knew everything. Or well, so I thought.

But the drunk driver in the old brown Saab that came careening down the road next to our apartment building was about to show me otherwise. The little old lady in the apartment next door to ours was doing her dishes, looking out the window facing the road we were riding our bikes on. That’s about the level of surveillance you had in the 80’s. Basically none whatsoever.

He missed Richard by a few feet, but hit me head on from behind. He was going so fast that my body was thrown over the hood, hitting the windshield and roof, back first, cracking both my scapulars, basically pulverizing seven ribs and causing most of my rib cage to collapse, and punctured my right lung. My head slammed down sideways on the roof of the car, and the impact split my skull wide open. Our neighbor watched in shock and horror as the car came to a screeching halt, causing my body to again be propelled forward some thirty feet, and roll over several times before stopping, rag doll style, face down into the asphalt. She froze and looked on in disbelief as the driver didn’t get out, instead slammed the car into first gear and drove off with screeching tires, almost hitting a row of parked cars. She was too old and too far away to see the license plate, and thankfully, most of the gruesome details of what had just happened.

My mother never wanted to talk about that day, I’m assuming too many bad memories. What little she did have to say will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Our neighbor banged on our front door until my mother opened, but could barely speak. She was later treated for shock, and considering she was in her late sixties it was a miracle she didn’t suffer a heart attack or something similar. But my mom understood immediately that something was so very, very wrong. This is the only part that she downright refused to talk about, but reading my medical charts many years after I managed to piece together, and to some extent, understand what happened. But who did what i can not say for sure.

One thing i’m sure of, is that someone called the emergency number, and an ambulance arrived within minutes. At this point it starts to get... A bit weird. I have a crystal clear memory of seeing my own body laying lifeless on the asphalt, from above. I was hit in the middle of the day, about a month before the summer holiday, but in this memory everything around me is dark as the darkest winter night. I can still see this image in my head, clear as day. Two paramedics, the ambulance, the dark red stain under my head and back, slowly growing. But outside that circle, an impenetrable darkness. A darkness that moved on its own. Like black waves it circled myself and the paramedics, who were working furiously to get me on a stretcher and into the back of the waiting ambulance. On the way to the closest hospital even remotely equipped to handle such an injury, which happened to be the hospital i was born at, my heart stopped three times, and a fourth time as the ambulance pulled up outside the emergency doors. There was no blood left in my body at that stage, and my heart simply had nothing left to keep pumping. As they rushed me through the doors the nurses looked on in horror as they saw the amount of blood on the floor of the ambulance. Not really a life threatening amount from an adult. But from a slightly smaller than average eight year old child? They all knew this battle was lost before it had even begun.

My mother arrived minutes after, another neighbor gave her a ride when the paramedics told her to follow them, and it was probably for the best. A doctor stopped her as she ran in, letting her know i was on my way into surgery immediately, and there was nothing she could do but wait. And again, wait is exactly what she did.

In the emergency operating theater a team was standing by, waiting for me to come in. Three surgeons and five nurses, and another pair of surgeons on standby. They knew from the paramedics that had radioed ahead how bad it was, but had no intention of giving up before exhausting everything they had at their disposal. These people gave everything to save my life, as well as every unit of matching blood in storage. It didn’t help that my blood type is Rh null, only shared by some 45 people on the entire planet. Not long after i was born, my mother found out my blood was extremely rare, and very hard to get a hold of in case of an emergency. So she arranged to have me give blood twice a year, from the age of three. The blood they had in storage was all from myself, and was just enough to refill what was missing in my system, leaving only a quarter unit remaining.

But the ordeal was far from over. My skull had fragmented into dozens of sharp pieces, and most of those pieces had lodged themselves into my brain. The first team of surgeons spent eleven hours picking pieces of bone from my mangled brain, after which the second team took over to build a bridge out of my own bone and a fairly large titanium plate to cover the gaping hole in my head. The surgery in total took almost twenty hours, and after that the neck brace was next in line. I had several cracked vertebrae, which meant I probably would never walk again, but if I was brain dead it wouldn’t really matter. When they had done what they could, they isolated me due to risk of infection. My mother had to watch me through a window for the next three months, before she could even hold my hand.

Now, all of this was the easy part for me, I was in a coma. My brain was so banged up the doctors told my mother that I would never open my eyes, or even breathe on my own again. I was hooked up to machines that kept me alive. But my mother refused to give up, and didn’t leave the hospital for months, while my aunt cared for my older sister. My first memory after the accident is… heh, well, “memory” is an overstatement. It doesn’t even make any sense. I couldn’t explain it then, nor understand it now. But, in some strange way, it did make sense back then. I cant say for sure if it was a hallucination, or just feverish memories created by a brain on fire. I’m pretty sure it was a hallucination, because its been ongoing ever since. Which kinda makes sense too, given the extent of my brain damage, even today. I can’t feel fear, pain or cold. Sometimes i hear and see things that, well, just aren’t real. At least that’s what i used to tell myself. Sometimes I can’t hear or see things that are real. Nowadays i just kind of go with it, my hallucination speaks to me quite often, i can even feel when he touches me. I can feel his breathing when he gets close enough. And the smell… sulfur, death and ash, that’s what he smells like. But every time I see him, the whole world goes dark. Wherever and whenever I am, when he shows up, everything goes dark. A wall of darkness forms around me, like massive, dense waves of shadow that slowly flows around me. Of course no one else can see this, and when it happens, time stands still. And let me tell you, he gets really pissed off when I refer to him as an hallucination.

But even that first time I saw it, it didn’t scare me, even though it should have. But there was something about it, that made me feel safer than I ever had before.

As I slowly woke up I felt the hospital bed under myself, i heard the slow beeping and hissing of machinery connected to my body. I heard the slight ticking of the clock on the wall. When i slowly opened my eyes everything was dark, and the smell reminded me of eggs. Years later as i grew and learned more I identified it to be sulfur. I couldn’t see any walls, only this black and grey haze, in a circle outside my bed. As I sat up and tried to look around me, something in the dark haze made ripples, like on water, but these were vertical, and I heard what sounded like the crackling of a dying fireplace. As I looked, I squinted and tried to make out anything in the black fog, and I was just about to call out “Hello?” When I heard a whisper, a deep, raspy voice that sounded like nothing I had ever heard before. Now that I’m older I think it sounds like bones being ground to dust. “Shh little one…. You don’t want to do that here…” I saw what looked like a large distorted face in the blackness, a hint of large green eyes and a long clawed index finger covering its mouth. “You really shouldn’t be here… but i guess it can’t be helped at this point.” The face and the darkness crept closer as I leaned forward to see what was speaking to me.

“Do… do i know you?” I quietly asked the shadowy figure. The sound it made was almost like a quiet laugh, but it sounded like a burning log breaking apart. The foggy waves whirled around again, closer this time. “Indeed you ought to know me, but you don’t… Yet.” My confused facial expression was probably easy to read, and the fog whirled up next to my bed, and i saw hints of burning red in the blackness. “I’m Robert.” I said. A short sigh was the only answer i got. “What’s your name?” The silence dragged on for what felt like an eternity, but the eyes could be seen much clearer now. “You shouldn’t ask my name, little one. If you call me by name, others might hear you…” I tilted my head curiously, as I didn’t understand. “How could others hear me? There’s just you and me here, no one else.” The drawn out sigh was easy to hear, and i could tell it was thinking. “I may tell you my name later… when it is safer. Agreed?” I nodded in agreement. “Where am I?” The face wrinkled it’s eyebrows. “You’re in my home… where no human has set foot for all eternity.” I looked around myself again. “It’s really dark here.” The entity laughed silently again, like I had said something funny. “It is, but that’s only to keep you safe. Even though you cannot see them, there are others here… They might not be as kind as I am…” I nodded. “You best go back to sleep little one, i have important things I must attend to, and I cant keep an eye on you all the time.” I nodded again, and lay my head down on the pillow. The darkness crept closer to my bed as i closed my eyes, and i heard the voice whisper “Stay in the darkness little one, for in the light, anyone can see you…”

I have since spoken with plenty of physicians that have all reassured me that strange memories are quite normal after a prolonged period in a coma, and with my brain damage I should be glad that I can even form coherent thoughts. But unbeknownst to me, as I slept peacefully, months passed like days. After six months the administration of the hospital had deemed me brain dead, and tried to convince my mother to pull the plug, and to donate my organs to other children in need. She downright refused. She demanded they give me three months, they agreed to one. My mother refused altogether to talk about this period, so sadly I know very little except what was written in my journals. Five doctors had all agreed on the diagnosis. I was brain dead, and would never wake up. For a month my mother had prepared herself for this day, when she would say goodbye to her only son.

The doctors, a priest, my mother and aunt were all gathered in my small room. The lights were dimmed, the door and curtains closed. My mother had signed the consent form, and the only thing left to do was to pull the plug. My mother watched me in silence as one of the doctors shut down the machines that controlled my breathing and heartbeats. The room fell silent except for the constant tone of the E.K.G machine, declaring that my heart had stopped beating. One of the doctors placed his stethoscope on my chest and listened, moved it and listened again. He looked at the clock on the wall. “Time of death declared 8:25 pm.” My aunt slowly led my crying mother towards the door, and reached for the handle just as a single sharp beep ripped the silence into a thousand pieces. Every face in the room violently jerked around and looked at my lifeless body. Thirty seconds passed as they all waited. Another beep announced what my body had decided. My body shuddered as i drew a deep breath into my lungs, and a third beep followed by a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, announced that i would not go silently into the night. The beeping continued as i drew a second, albeit rough and coughing, but functional breath nonetheless. At that point the entire room erupted into life and movement. A nurse ushered my mother and aunt out of the room, and one of the doctors, presumably the one closest to my bed, pressed his cold stethoscope to my chest. He noticed two large bruises had started forming on my chest, one on my left side, and one just below my right arm. But the heartbeats he heard were each stronger than the previous.

The journal entry pertaining to this event was filled with confusion and scribbled notes, making it very hard to clearly understand the following hours, or possibly days. The only thing that was obvious, was that no one could explain what exactly happened. They did several x-rays of my brain, and the scarring it showed had only one single conclusion. This brain is clinically dead. It cannot support life or consciousness. But somehow it could still control the heart and lungs. Their diagnosis remained the same, but the decision for my life was no longer in their hands.

As i slowly opened my eyes, the pain that coursed through my body was almost unbearable. I tried to gasp for air as i bolted upright, and tightly grabbed my chest. I could not draw a single breath, no matter how hard I tried, there was no air to be drawn into my lungs. As i started to feel dizzy i opened my eyes, and saw the face in the fog again, and a long, dark arm extending from the blackness, with its large rough hand covering my mouth and nose. “Shh-sh-sh, little one. I know you are in pain, but this is not the place for children’s screams.” The face was completely out of the fog now, and I could see it clear as day. it looked genuinely concerned. I could make out every single detail of its arm, its skin looked like i imagined a burned lizard would look. The hand slowly lifted from my mouth and i slowly inhaled, trying not to make a sound. When the pain hit me a second time i almost passed out, and the hand quickly covered my mouth again. “Let me help you, little one. Let me take away your pain.” I nodded quickly, not having a second thought of what it had really said or how it would even go about such a thing. It reached out with its other hand and held it tightly to my chest, and just like that, the pain was gone. I was so surprised i almost fell flat on my face.

“Thank you.” I whispered. The large charred face smiled at me. “Think nothing of it, little one. If it weren’t for my actions, you wouldn’t be in pain. In fact, you wouldn’t be here at all.” I didn’t understand what it meant, but i was too young to give it a second thought. I unwrapped my arms from my chest and climbed out of the bed. My legs felt like i had been sleeping for years. The cold hard floor felt good under my feet. “Am i still in your home?” The black face nodded. “Why am i here?” As i spoke i walked around the bed and touched the black fog surrounding my bed. It felt wet, but not cold. It gave way as i pushed it softly, but resisted as i tried to push through it. “You were in an accident. You don’t remember?” I looked at it and shook my head. “Your soul is here, but your body remains.” It pointed to the bed behind me. I turned around and saw myself laying in the bed, a mask with hoses covering my mouth and nose, and cables ran to the blurred machines beside it. I looked down on myself, and saw that my arms were slightly translucent. “Am i a ghost?” I asked the face. “not exactly.” it replied. It looked like it was thinking. “Your body and your soul are two different entities. Both normally occupy the same space, your soul resides inside your body, if that makes sense to you.” I nodded slowly as The face continued. “Now that your body is damaged, your soul wanders. It cannot remain in the body when it is this badly damaged. If i hadn't brought you here, your soul would've gone up into heaven, and your body would have died.”

I looked up at the big floating head. “Where is your body?” The face looked surprised. “Its here in the fog. Why do you ask?” I shrugged. “You look funny without a body.” The floating head laughed silently again. “I thought it best to only show my head, so i wouldn't scare you.” I shook my head. “You don’t scare me, you're nice.” As the head smiled the dark fog crept further away, revealing a body that was taller than myself, even though it was sitting down and hunched over. “Is that better?” He asked. I nodded and smiled. “You're really big.”

#inner demons #outer demons #demons are a boys best friend

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